How can you handle a crush on a coworker. What are the potential risks and benefits of pursuing a workplace romance. Is it possible to maintain professionalism while dealing with intense feelings for a colleague. What strategies can help manage emotions in the office environment. How do workplace relationships impact team dynamics and career progression.

Understanding the Nature of Workplace Crushes

Workplace crushes are a common occurrence in professional settings, often arising from prolonged proximity and shared experiences with colleagues. These feelings can range from mild attraction to intense emotional connections, potentially affecting work dynamics and personal well-being.

Why do workplace crushes develop? Several factors contribute to their formation:

• Frequent interaction and collaboration
• Shared goals and challenges
• Intellectual and professional compatibility
• Physical proximity in office environments
• Emotional support during stressful periods

Understanding these underlying factors can help individuals navigate their feelings more effectively and maintain professionalism in the workplace.

The Psychological Impact of Office Crushes

Experiencing a crush on a coworker can have significant psychological effects on an individual. These emotions can range from exhilaration to anxiety, impacting both personal well-being and professional performance.

How does a workplace crush affect mental state? Common psychological impacts include:

• Heightened self-awareness and self-consciousness
• Increased motivation and productivity
• Emotional distraction and reduced focus
• Anxiety about potential rejection or workplace implications
• Fluctuations in mood based on interactions with the crush

Recognizing these psychological effects is crucial for maintaining emotional balance and professional composure in the workplace.

Managing Emotional Reactions

Effectively managing emotional reactions to a workplace crush is essential for maintaining professionalism and personal well-being. Strategies for emotional regulation include:

1. Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness
2. Engaging in stress-relief activities outside of work
3. Seeking support from trusted friends or a therapist
4. Focusing on professional goals and personal development
5. Maintaining clear boundaries between work and personal life

By implementing these strategies, individuals can better navigate the complex emotions associated with workplace crushes while preserving their professional integrity.

Evaluating the Risks of Pursuing a Workplace Romance

While workplace romances can lead to fulfilling relationships, they also carry inherent risks that must be carefully considered. Understanding these potential pitfalls is crucial for making informed decisions about pursuing a crush on a coworker.

What are the main risks associated with workplace romances? Key considerations include:

• Impact on professional reputation and career advancement
• Potential conflicts of interest or favoritism accusations
• Awkwardness or tension if the relationship ends
• Violation of company policies or ethical guidelines
• Distractions affecting work performance and productivity

Weighing these risks against the potential benefits of a relationship is essential for making a responsible decision about pursuing a workplace crush.

Legal and Policy Considerations

Before acting on a workplace crush, it’s crucial to understand the legal and policy implications. Many organizations have specific guidelines regarding workplace relationships to protect employees and maintain a professional environment.

What legal and policy factors should be considered? Key aspects include:

• Company policies on interpersonal relationships
• Disclosure requirements for romantic involvement
• Potential conflicts with anti-harassment policies
• Legal implications of power imbalances in relationships
• Confidentiality and privacy concerns

Familiarizing oneself with these considerations can help prevent potential legal or professional complications arising from workplace romances.

Strategies for Professional Interaction with a Workplace Crush

Maintaining professionalism while interacting with a workplace crush is essential for preserving a positive work environment and protecting one’s career. Implementing effective strategies can help navigate these challenging situations with grace and composure.

How can one interact professionally with a workplace crush? Consider the following approaches:

• Focusing on work-related topics during interactions
• Maintaining appropriate physical and emotional boundaries
• Treating the crush with the same respect and professionalism as other colleagues
• Avoiding excessive personal conversations or private meetings
• Seeking opportunities for group interactions rather than one-on-one situations

By implementing these strategies, individuals can maintain a professional demeanor while managing their feelings for a coworker.

Communication Best Practices

Effective communication is crucial when dealing with a workplace crush. Clear, professional, and respectful communication can help prevent misunderstandings and maintain a positive work environment.

What communication best practices should be followed? Key guidelines include:

1. Using professional language and tone in all interactions
2. Avoiding overly personal or emotionally charged topics
3. Respecting personal boundaries and privacy
4. Addressing work-related matters promptly and efficiently
5. Seeking clarity and avoiding ambiguity in conversations

Adhering to these communication best practices can help maintain professionalism and clarity in workplace interactions, even in the presence of strong personal feelings.

The Impact of Workplace Crushes on Team Dynamics

Workplace crushes can significantly influence team dynamics, affecting collaboration, communication, and overall productivity. Understanding these impacts is crucial for maintaining a healthy and effective work environment.

How do workplace crushes affect team dynamics? Key influences include:

• Altered communication patterns within the team
• Potential for favoritism or perceived bias
• Changes in group dynamics and social interactions
• Impact on team morale and cohesion
• Potential distractions affecting team focus and productivity

Recognizing these potential impacts can help individuals and team leaders address challenges proactively and maintain a positive team environment.

Addressing Team Concerns

When workplace crushes become apparent to team members, addressing concerns promptly and professionally is essential. Open communication and clear guidelines can help mitigate potential issues and maintain team harmony.

How can team concerns about workplace crushes be addressed? Consider the following approaches:

1. Encouraging open dialogue about professional boundaries
2. Reaffirming commitment to fair and equal treatment of all team members
3. Addressing any perceived favoritism or bias promptly
4. Emphasizing the importance of maintaining a professional work environment
5. Providing resources for conflict resolution if needed

By addressing team concerns proactively and transparently, leaders can help maintain a positive and productive work environment despite the presence of workplace crushes.

Making Informed Decisions About Workplace Romances

Deciding whether to pursue a workplace crush requires careful consideration of personal, professional, and ethical factors. Making an informed decision can help minimize potential negative consequences and lead to more positive outcomes.

What factors should be considered when deciding to pursue a workplace romance? Key considerations include:

• Personal readiness for a potential relationship
• Professional implications and career goals
• Company policies and ethical guidelines
• Potential impact on workplace dynamics and team relationships
• Long-term consequences of success or failure of the relationship

Carefully evaluating these factors can help individuals make more responsible decisions about pursuing workplace crushes.

Seeking Advice and Support

When grappling with the decision to pursue a workplace crush, seeking advice and support from trusted sources can provide valuable perspectives and guidance.

Who can provide helpful advice on workplace crushes? Consider consulting:

1. Trusted friends or family members outside the workplace
2. A professional mentor or career coach
3. Human resources representatives (for policy-related questions)
4. A therapist or counselor for emotional support
5. Professional networking groups or forums for industry-specific advice

Seeking diverse perspectives can help individuals make more balanced and informed decisions about navigating workplace crushes.

Maintaining Professional Growth Amidst Workplace Emotions

While dealing with a workplace crush, it’s crucial to maintain focus on professional growth and career development. Balancing personal feelings with professional aspirations can lead to more fulfilling outcomes in both areas of life.

How can one maintain professional growth while managing workplace emotions? Consider the following strategies:

• Setting clear career goals and objectives
• Seeking new challenges and learning opportunities
• Expanding professional networks beyond immediate colleagues
• Focusing on skill development and continuous learning
• Maintaining a work-life balance to support overall well-being

By prioritizing professional growth, individuals can navigate workplace crushes while continuing to advance their careers and personal development.

Leveraging Emotional Intelligence

Developing and applying emotional intelligence is crucial when managing workplace crushes. High emotional intelligence can help individuals navigate complex emotions while maintaining professional relationships and personal well-being.

How can emotional intelligence be leveraged in workplace crush situations? Key applications include:

1. Recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions
2. Empathizing with colleagues’ perspectives and feelings
3. Managing emotional reactions in professional settings
4. Communicating effectively in emotionally charged situations
5. Making decisions that balance emotional and rational considerations

By developing and applying emotional intelligence, individuals can better navigate the complexities of workplace crushes while maintaining professional integrity and personal growth.

Long-Term Perspectives on Workplace Relationships

Considering the long-term implications of workplace relationships is essential for making informed decisions about pursuing a crush on a coworker. Understanding potential future scenarios can help individuals weigh the risks and benefits more effectively.

What long-term factors should be considered in workplace relationships? Key aspects include:

• Career trajectory and professional goals
• Potential for changes in company structure or team dynamics
• Personal life goals and relationship aspirations
• Industry norms and professional reputation
• Long-term emotional and psychological well-being

Taking a long-term perspective can help individuals make more holistic decisions about workplace crushes and potential relationships.

Navigating Career Transitions

Workplace relationships can significantly impact career transitions, whether within the same company or when moving to new opportunities. Understanding how to navigate these transitions is crucial for maintaining professional growth and personal well-being.

How can one navigate career transitions while managing workplace relationships? Consider the following strategies:

1. Maintaining clear professional boundaries during transitions
2. Communicating openly about career goals and aspirations
3. Seeking opportunities that align with personal and professional values
4. Addressing potential conflicts of interest proactively
5. Building a diverse professional network beyond immediate colleagues

By considering these factors, individuals can navigate career transitions more effectively while managing the complexities of workplace relationships.

The Thrill of the Office Crush

Business|The Thrill of the Office Crush

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/16/business/roxane-gay-work-advice-office-crush.html

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I have a crush on a co-worker. But this isn’t a normal crush. I’ve had crushes before and I usually either confess or just ignore them till they go away. Not this one, though. I really, really like this person, far more than anything I’ve felt in a long time. I’m aware when he’s in the room and I notice all sorts of details about him. I’ve tried to put it out of mind, and I know work and romance don’t mix, particularly when I have no idea if he returns my feelings. But this crush just won’t be crushed! Do you have any advice on navigating a painfully intense crush on a colleague?

— Anonymous

There is something exhilarating about a crush when it’s just you and the object of your affection and your imagination and everything is still possible. I hope you’re allowing yourself the enjoyment of the best parts of having a crush, while feeling so overwhelmed.

Work and romance don’t mix, but many, many people have romantic entanglements with co-workers. If you’re not dealing with a power imbalance that would make one of you vulnerable to exploitation, the only real harm in dating a co-worker is if the relationship doesn’t work out. Admittedly, that can make things pretty awkward.

You’re not giving me a lot to go on here. Does he know you? Do you guys get along? Is he … single? Do you want to make a romantic overture? Why is this particular crush so intense? I’d love for you to sit with that question, because if you are clearer on why you’re so overwhelmed by these feelings, you might find some clarity on how to better deal with them.

A crush is a healthy thing, so try not to overthink this. At the end of the day, if you really, really like this person, why not shoot your shot? The worst he can say is that he’s not interested, which will hurt, yes, but you will handle it, and have new information about how to proceed. And if he says yes to a date, well, like I said, everything is possible. Good luck, and be good to your heart.

I work as tech support at a small asset management firm. As the lone support person, people come to me with all their random requests. Recently the C.E.O. stopped by and handed me an iPhone he wanted to be wiped and restored. Then he sent me a link to a spyware app he wanted installed on it without anyone being able to detect its presence. The phone wipe was successful but unfortunately it could not be activated.

I convinced him to take the phone to an Apple Store to get it activated, hoping he would forget his earlier request. Knowing his child is far too young for a cellphone, I can only assume this device is for his wife. When he returns with the phone, how should I handle this? Should I help him potentially spy on his wife, state my opposition or not install it but say that I did? He’s a petty man so I’m sure I could lose my job for refusing. But do I risk any legal actions against me?

— Henry, New York City

Your C.E.O. seems to be asking you to do something illegal. Installing spyware on someone’s phone without that person’s knowledge or permission is wiretapping. In New York, there are any number of offenses attached to installing spyware on someone’s phone without consent, including tampering with private communications, unlawfully obtaining communications information and failing to report wiretapping.

You’re being put in a terrible position here. I would tell him that you can’t install the spyware because it is considered wiretapping, which is a felony. If he wants to spy on someone, he is going to have to watch a YouTube video or something to figure out how to do it, like everyone else.

I am a woman in a male-dominated technical field. In my industry, we frequently collaborate with academic researchers. A colleague introduced me to a professor who works at a top university and she has the background and tools to tackle a research problem we are focused on. During our meetings she suggested interesting, unique and insightful ideas.

I am excited to work with her and think she will be a great collaborator. I recently invited some colleagues to engage in this collaboration. After the first group meeting with her, two of these colleagues expressed that they did not think she was the right collaborator for this project. They said they had recently met with a different (old, white, male) professor and thought compared to him she was not as inquisitive as an academic should be. They would prefer to work with a more established professor.

The professor I want to work with is a young woman of color, which is rare in our field. The implicit bias is glaring. I have continued to express my support for working with her but I have not pointed out their bias for fear it would backfire. How can I best support this woman? While I truly enjoy my work, I face situations like this, where I see bias against myself and others, frequently enough that it can be exhausting. How do I continue to fight without burning out?

— Anonymous

The most important thing you can do is continue to be vocal in your support of this woman. When relevant, offer evidence for why she is the best person for this collaboration. And sometimes, yes, point out the implicit bias of your colleagues. They may not be receptive to having their biases pointed out, but that’s their problem, not yours. When they say they prefer to work with a “more established professor,” what they’re saying is that they prefer to work with someone they are more comfortable with, someone like them. They want to work in an echo chamber, and it would behoove you to point that out.

Your exhaustion is understandable. Constantly having to prove yourself and deflect microaggressions and stand up for what’s right and withstand nonsense is beyond tiring. It should not be the price of doing business. The most important thing you can do to avoid burning out is to pick your battles. Energy is finite. I wish I had a better answer for you, but honestly I, too, am trying to figure out how to fight the good fight without running myself ragged.

I was honored to speak at an event in a professional capacity. Peers from my very niche field whom I greatly respect and interact with all the time joined me on a panel afterward. I am not sure what happened, but I completely bombed. I spoke way too fast and stumbled over words. I kept seeing weird looks on the audience’s faces, which made it worse. This has never happened before. I redeemed myself on the panel — I spoke clearly and the audience responded well to my commentary.

I am mortified and am not sure if I should say something to my peers or the woman who invited me, who I fear is in trouble with the head of her organization who was in attendance. Should I apologize? Say something to my fellow panelists when I see them again? And I know this is not a therapy column but any advice on getting over a professional embarrassment? I feel like a complete failure.

— Anonymous

As mortifying as it can feel, these things happen. We are human. Sometimes we have a bad professional day, and sometimes there is an audience to our failures. I’m sorry this happened, but you have to forgive yourself and move on. Bombing a speech is not the end of the world, even though it can feel that way. I’m impressed that you were able to regroup and perform well on the panel afterward, and you should be heartened by that.

Instead of completely collapsing, you were able to persevere. I understand your inclination to apologize, though I am not sure an apology is necessary. If apologizing would help you move forward, I’d suggest reaching out to the woman who invited you. Explain what went wrong as best you can, and perhaps send a modest bouquet or something similar, with a thank-you note to express your gratitude for the opportunity.

You don’t need to say anything to your fellow panelists. You did well on the panel. Please remember that you are not a failure, not by any stretch of the imagination. You gave an awkward speech. It was terrible. It’s in the past. Look ahead to better days and a better performance the next time you speak publicly.

Roxane Gay is the author, most recently, of “Hunger” and a contributing opinion writer. Write to her at [email protected].

Roxane Gay is an endowed professor of media, culture and feminist studies at Rutgers, the author of the forthcoming “Opinions” and a contributing Opinion writer.
More about Roxane Gay

A version of this article appears in print on  , Section BU, Page 3 of the New York edition with the headline: When Cupid’s Arrow Strikes, Don’t Panic. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

Men Feel Differently About Having a ‘Work Crush’

Relationships
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Exclusive research commissioned by Newsweek has revealed that men feel differently about workplace crushes compared to women.

In a poll conducted byRedfield & Wilton Strategies on March 20, 2023, 1,500 U. S. adults were asked about what was and was not appropriate in the workplace.

When asked if it was OK to have romantic feelings for a colleague, 38 percent of men said this was, while 32 percent of women replied that it was not.

A further 22 percent of men agreed it wasn’t OK to fancy someone from work, but 30 percent said it would depend on the circumstances. Interestingly, more women (37 percent) replied that a workplace crush could be circumstantial, and 21 percent of females said it is OK.

A composite image of people working in an office. In an exclusive poll for Newsweek, 38 percent of male participants said it is OK to have a ‘work crush’.
iStock / Getty Images

The participant’s ages range from 18 to 65 and older, but the age group who disapproved of workplace crushes the most was aged 25 to 34 years old (34 percent).

Among 35- to 44-year-olds, 38 percent replied that it was OK to have a workplace crush, and 31 percent of millennials aged 18 to 24 years old felt the same way.

Communication strategist Rebecca Leppard told Newsweek about the important things to consider before taking a workplace crush any further.

“Having a workplace crush can certainly add a level of excitement to one’s work life,” Leppard said. “It can create a sense of anticipation and give employees something to look forward to while they’re on the job.

“However, it’s important to remember that work should always be the top priority. Any romantic interest should never interfere with one’s job responsibilities or relationships with colleagues,” Leppard added.

The results also found that respondents from the West and Midwest have the strongest views about workplace crushes. Almost half (42 percent) from regions in the Midwest replied that a workplace crush is not OK, while 35 percent from the West said it is.

Leppard, the founder of Upgrading Women, a communication training and consulting company for women in tech, said: “It’s essential to strike a balance between maintaining a professional demeanor and having a fulfilling personal life, including any workplace crushes.

“As an HR expert, I advise employees to be cautious, respectful, and mindful of company policies and guidelines when navigating these types of situations,” Leppard added.

Earlier this month, a Mumsnet user was urged to dump her husband of eight months after noticing how he acts around a female colleague.

Speaking about a night out, the wife wrote: “She drifted from one group to another, my husband trailing after her. The way he was looking, it was like he’s in love with her… “

Many users of the popular UK-based discussion site backed the woman and called his behavior “outrageous.” But this isn’t the first time a woman has turned to the internet for support about a workplace crush.

In September 2022, a Reddit user shared her experience with a younger co-worker who was attempting to flirt with her husband. She was praised for how she handled the situation, even if it did embarrass the colleague.

Have you had a workplace dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek. com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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What to do with a boss who doesn’t love you

Varvara Grankova

Over the years of your career, you must have come across at least one boss whom you could not win over and, moreover, irritated. You have the feeling that the boss does not trust you or that he simply does not like working with you. Even an impressive list of professional achievements does not help in such situations, because he is sure that you are a loser.

To change his negative attitude, you need to act immediately, otherwise you will most likely never be able to correct the situation. If your boss thinks you’re a problem or that you don’t fit well with the team, it will be hard for them to notice the work you’re doing. He will always pay more attention to your shortcomings, which will lead to a slowdown in your career or even to dismissal.

Look out for warning signs

How do you know when you’re in trouble with your boss? Here’s what you can notice: if the boss begins to lose confidence in you, he will demonstrate an authoritarian style and give direct orders. For example: “Don’t forget to do X, Y and Z during the project” or “I want you to arrive at meetings five minutes early from now on.” He will begin to monitor the progress of your work more carefully and more often: “Look into my office in the afternoon to discuss what exactly you have already done.” If it seems to him that you do not fit into the team, then you will notice how he corrects your every word or even pronunciation. If he interrupts you during the presentation, it’s really bad. By the time you stop being invited to meetings you used to attend, it will be too late. Well, if you get negative feedback about your performance, this is a signal that you will soon be fired. Then you will be given a trial period, and if your approach to work does not change within a month or a quarter, you will definitely be fired.

Act fast

Watch out for the moment when your boss’s instructions get tougher or more specific than you expect. While you are still in the so-called zone of forgiveness. This means that if you quickly adjust your actions, you can regain confidence in yourself. Ask your boss which of the last tasks you completed caused him dissatisfaction. Ask him to explain what he would do differently if he were in your place. Listen carefully. The boss talks about what he expects from you when completing the task and what exactly you need to focus on. Reorganize your work in line with your manager’s expectations and try to demonstrate a new approach to business or an increased attention to the priorities identified by him.

All of this may seem unimportant or pointless, but if you’re looking to advance in your career, remember that adapting to the demands of your boss is a necessary step on the road to success.

Understand the boss’s priorities

What is the most likely cause of the conflict? Usually problems appear after some specific event. Most likely, you accidentally stepped on the boss’s sore spot and did something that goes against his ideas about priorities or work style. For example, in one case it may seem to him that you have given little time to the company’s distributors. In the other, that they did not live up to his expectations: although they fulfilled the sales plan, he still hoped that you would exceed this level. Or maybe you were late for a meeting for 10 minutes, without really explaining the reason to him or warning him in advance, and he took it as a sign of disrespect? Or instead of a 20-page presentation, he was expecting you to give a short summary report and now takes this as evidence that you did not listen to him or, even worse, you cannot concentrate on the main thing. Perhaps you simply did not let him know about some important events in time and as a result he was taken by surprise.

As soon as you start working with a new boss, the first thing you need to do is understand his requirements. It is best to ask him directly: “What qualities of employees are most important to you? What criteria should I be guided by when making decisions? When it comes to the style of work, you should ask: “How should I work? What should I avoid so as not to cause nervousness? Find out how your boss prefers to interact with you, such as how often you will meet and in what setting, what communication methods your boss prefers, and how they will evaluate your performance.

Watch for non-verbal cues

Of course, not every manager will explain what is most important to him. Therefore, you should also observe his behavior during meetings, and not just ask about it directly. Try to notice what annoys him and what he, on the contrary, likes. Take a look at who in the meetings gets their attention and gets a response, and try to figure out why. Observe the style in which your boss conducts meetings, pay attention to the degree of frankness and the nature of the interaction between him and the participants in these meetings. The next time you find yourself in the boss’s office, think about how this place characterizes his life, the degree of organization, the requirements for people, the preference for planned or, conversely, spontaneous meetings. If possible, ask colleagues to understand how they feel about your boss. If he has a secretary, ask him what annoys the boss, most often it is the secretaries who know this best.

50% of male employees
believe that bad relationships with management are holding them back, according to recent surveys. In second place in popularity is laziness – more than 30% of men think so. Less than 20% of respondents believe that a career is hindered by poor performance
33% of women
who are employed also explain the lack of career growth by poor relations with management. And the same number (33%) of women believe that the reason for a failed career is laziness

Before asking your boss for feedback on your work, you should first work with him for a while. We recommend finding the right moment right after a meeting where you performed well. Ask your boss: “What did I get and what needs to be fixed by the next meeting?” Experienced managers will usually let you know exactly what they expect from your work. But inept bosses don’t, which is why you need to learn to pay attention to their non-verbal cues to get feedback.

However, unless you ask directly, your supervisor may not tell you when you first made a mistake. He thinks it was done by accident. But now you will be under his supervision without even knowing it. If you make him angry a second time, he will begin to doubt you. In the third – he will say exactly what annoys him, but by this time he will already consider you a hindrance in his work. Therefore, when you are just starting to work in a company, train your observation skills. If this is the first time you have accidentally broken the rules, he will send you a non-verbal signal. You’ll notice a raised eyebrow, or a grimace, or you’ll hear something along the lines of “personally, I wouldn’t do that. ” Do not ignore such a signal and discuss the situation with him at the first opportunity.

People with career ambitions differ from others in that they are sure that there is no boss who cannot be conquered, you just need to understand why he behaves in one way or another. Remember that all leaders want to be successful. Your goal is to help them understand how they can achieve this and to tailor your work style to them.

About the Authors: Jay Conger is a Henry Kravis Award-winning professor at McKenna College in Claremont, California and a recognized global expert on leadership; Allan Church – Senior Vice President of PepsiCo, responsible for the development and evaluation of the company’s personnel, a member of the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology

Original article – http://hbr-russia.ru/karera/kommunikatsii/p24871

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What to do with a bad boss

Varvara Grankova

A bad boss is not just a nuisance at work. If a manager manipulates employees, demonstrates passive aggression, appropriates other people’s merits and criticizes beyond measure, this can lead to bullying at work, dissatisfaction with it, psychological stress and depression. These are the findings of a study conducted by the University of Manchester. The authors interviewed more than 1200 people. There are many who suffer from unbearable bosses. According to the nonprofit organization Mental Health America, collected on 17,000 employees from 19industries, 64% of employees feel they don’t get adequate support from their boss. Another study notes that 44% of employees leave because of a bad boss.

The hardest thing for subordinates is when they face the passive aggression of the boss. Passive-aggressive behavior has many different manifestations. Some managers deliberately limit access to the necessary information or seek to control everything beyond measure. Others play off employees, pointedly ignore them, or show chronic indecision. The need to obey such a leader can have a strong impact on the employee both during and after work hours. But efforts and success at work should not be determined solely by the framework that the leader sets. Below are three strategies to help an employee stay emotionally and mentally healthy, even if their boss doesn’t.

Anticipate and prepare

I worked with a top manager who reported to the head of the North American region at their company. He liked to play the game “I know a secret”, hinting at the information to which he had access, unlike this top manager. As with most passive-aggressive people, this was a clever form of avoiding direct conflict. Instead of openly expressing his disagreement, he said: “I understand why you see the situation as it is, but there are other factors that you do not know about in your position.” When a top manager tried to clarify what these factors were, his boss answered, for example, like this: “I have no right to disclose them now. ” This left the top manager no choice but to agree with any decision of the head.

I advised my client, a top manager, to ask this question from the very beginning: “Do I have all the information I need to make a decision, or do you have information that can change my actions?” This question forced the boss to either take responsibility for the decision from the start or let my client make his own decision. Don’t be caught off guard – set parameters and set expectations ahead of time to limit the manager’s ability to resort to passive-aggressive methods at critical moments.

Don’t stoop to their level

When the boss shows passive aggression, the subordinate, of course, wants to respond in kind. If, when asked why you are being so ostentatiously ignored, your boss replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about,” your first impulse is likely to be an equally harsh and cold response. But this approach doesn’t work. If you think your boss has taken credit for your work, resist the urge to tell the whole office about it. Probably everyone already knows this. You will earn much more respect if you do not stoop to such pettiness.

The 10 most unbearable habits of bad bosses

1. They appropriate the merits of subordinates.
2. Do not trust subordinates and do not empower them.
3. They do not notice that employees work overtime and overwork.
4. Do not support subordinates when bonuses and salary increases are discussed.
5. Hire and promote the wrong people.
6. Do not protect subordinates in disputes with company clients.
7. Give incorrect advice on appointments and distribution of responsibilities.
8. Control subordinates down to the smallest detail, depriving them of the freedom necessary for effective work.
9. Focus on the shortcomings rather than the strengths of subordinates.
10. Do not explain what results are expected from subordinates.
Source: BambooHR 2017 survey of 1,029 US workers.

Responding to passive aggression in kind can lead to a number of unpleasant consequences. Firstly, it will only justify the behavior of the boss. Once you stoop to his level, you will enter into an implicit agreement with him about how you intend to resolve the conflict. Later, it will be difficult for you to use other, more effective solutions to the problem. Secondly, you will lose self-respect if you behave in an unworthy way, from your own point of view. Do not assume that your boss knowingly or even intentionally behaves this way. Most often, passive aggression is an unconscious response to feelings of anxiety or perceived threat. At the heart of this behavior is a feeling of loneliness, deep self-doubt and constant anxiety. Try to show sympathy for such a boss, not anger.

State the problem in a respectful tone

Going into a direct confrontation with a passive-aggressive boss is very risky. You openly challenge a person who demonstrates that they are unwilling to speak directly and have disproportionate power over you. I once witnessed a frustrated manager who couldn’t help but say to her boss, “Don’t think I don’t understand what you’re doing. I know for a fact that you didn’t forget about the meeting because I saw you record it. You are not fooling anyone with this ridiculous behavior.” Those who heard these words marveled at her determination. But a week later, the manager was fired.

There are effective ways to point out a problem without provoking the behavior you are trying to combat. A more profitable strategy is to make an effort to make your working relationship comfortable for the boss. Passive-aggressive people are less likely to show it towards people who are trusted and behave correctly, so try to avoid emotions and judgment.

I watched another manager masterfully do this by calling her boss to a conversation in the following way: “I noticed that in the last few meetings you were critical of my work, and it’s not clear to me whether you were joking or actually have comments regarding my work. The first time I didn’t think about it, but it happened a few times and I just want to be clear. If you have any ideas on how I can adjust the work, I’d love to hear them.