What are the most common sexual fantasies for men. How do male fantasies differ from female fantasies. Why do men have specific sexual fantasies. How can understanding male fantasies improve your sex life.

The Psychology Behind Male Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasies are a normal and healthy part of human sexuality. For men, these fantasies often serve as a mental playground for exploring desires, pushing boundaries, and experiencing scenarios that may not be feasible or desirable in real life. Research has shown that men tend to think about sex more frequently than women, with one study suggesting an average of 19 sexual thoughts per day for men compared to about 10 for women.

But what drives these fantasies, and why do they matter? Understanding the psychology behind male sexual fantasies can provide valuable insights into relationships, intimacy, and personal desires.

The Role of Testosterone

Testosterone, the primary male sex hormone, plays a significant role in sexual desire and fantasy. Higher levels of testosterone are associated with increased sexual thoughts and a more active fantasy life. This biological factor contributes to the generally higher frequency of sexual fantasies in men compared to women.

Evolutionary Perspectives

From an evolutionary standpoint, male sexual fantasies often revolve around themes of virility, dominance, and variety. These fantasies may reflect ancestral mating strategies aimed at maximizing reproductive success. However, it’s crucial to remember that modern sexual behavior and fantasies are influenced by a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and cultural factors.

The Dominant Female: A Common Male Fantasy

One of the most prevalent sexual fantasies among men involves a dominant female partner. This fantasy often includes elements of role reversal, with the woman taking charge in the bedroom. But why is this scenario so appealing to many men?

The Appeal of Submission

For men who typically take on leadership roles in their daily lives, the idea of relinquishing control in the bedroom can be incredibly arousing. It allows for a release of responsibility and the opportunity to be guided by a partner’s desires.

The Dominatrix Archetype

The image of a dominatrix – often portrayed in popular media as a woman in stilettos, lingerie, and wielding a whip – has become a powerful symbol in male sexual fantasies. This archetype represents a combination of power, sexuality, and taboo that many men find irresistible.

Exploring Sexual Variety: The Ultimate Male Fantasy?

Another common theme in male sexual fantasies is the desire for sexual variety. This can manifest in various ways, from experimenting with new positions to engaging in group activities. But what drives this craving for diverse sexual experiences?

The Novelty Factor

The human brain is wired to respond positively to novelty. New sexual experiences can trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This biological response may explain why many men fantasize about trying new and exciting sexual activities.

Breaking Taboos

Fantasies about sexual variety often involve scenarios that push societal boundaries or personal comfort zones. The thrill of the forbidden can add an extra layer of excitement to these imagined encounters.

The Female Orgasm: A Central Element in Male Fantasies

Contrary to some stereotypes, many men place a high priority on their partner’s pleasure in their sexual fantasies. The female orgasm, particularly intense displays of pleasure like squirting, often features prominently in male sexual imaginings. But why is this such a turn-on for men?

Validation and Ego

For many men, bringing their partner to orgasm is seen as a measure of their sexual prowess. Fantasies involving dramatic displays of female pleasure can serve as a form of ego validation.

Empathy and Connection

Beyond ego, these fantasies may also reflect a genuine desire for intimacy and connection. Witnessing and contributing to a partner’s pleasure can create a profound sense of bonding and shared experience.

Power Dynamics: The “Daddy” Fantasy Explored

The “Daddy” fantasy, where a man is referred to by this paternal title during intimate encounters, is more common than many realize. This fantasy intersects with themes of dominance, nurturing, and taboo. But what psychological factors contribute to this particular desire?

The Appeal of Authority

The “Daddy” role often represents a figure of authority and protection. For some men, embodying this role in a sexual context can be empowering and arousing.

Nurturing and Care

Paradoxically, the “Daddy” fantasy can also tap into desires for nurturing and care-giving. It allows men to express protective instincts in a sexualized context.

Group Activities: Fantasies of Multiple Partners

Fantasies involving multiple partners are common among men. These scenarios can range from threesomes to larger group encounters. But what drives these fantasies, and how do they reflect male sexuality?

The Allure of Abundance

Group sex fantasies often revolve around the idea of sexual abundance and variety. The prospect of multiple partners can represent a kind of sexual cornucopia that’s highly stimulating to imagine.

Voyeuristic Elements

Many group sex fantasies include voyeuristic elements, where the man imagines watching others engage in sexual activities. This ties into the visual nature of male sexuality and the arousal many men experience from watching sexual encounters.

The Role of Pornography in Shaping Male Fantasies

Pornography plays a significant role in shaping male sexual fantasies in the modern era. With unprecedented access to a wide variety of sexual content, many men are exposed to scenarios and acts that inform their fantasy life. But how exactly does pornography influence male sexual imagination?

Expanding Sexual Horizons

Pornography can introduce men to sexual practices and scenarios they might not otherwise encounter. This exposure can broaden the scope of their fantasies and desires.

Unrealistic Expectations

However, it’s crucial to recognize that pornography often presents unrealistic portrayals of sex. This can lead to fantasies that are disconnected from real-world sexual experiences, potentially causing frustration or disappointment.

Communicating Fantasies: Bridging Imagination and Reality

While fantasies can be a rich source of sexual excitement, bringing them into the real world requires careful communication and consent. How can men effectively share their fantasies with partners, and what are the potential benefits of doing so?

Creating a Safe Space

Open communication about sexual desires requires a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Creating a non-judgmental environment where both partners feel safe sharing their fantasies is crucial.

Negotiating Boundaries

Not all fantasies are meant to be enacted in real life. Discussing fantasies with a partner involves negotiating boundaries and finding common ground that respects both individuals’ comfort levels and desires.

Understanding male sexual fantasies can provide valuable insights into male sexuality, relationships, and personal desires. These fantasies, ranging from dominant partners to group activities, reflect a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and cultural factors. While not all fantasies are meant to be enacted in real life, open communication about desires can lead to greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction in relationships.

It’s important to remember that fantasies are deeply personal and varied. What excites one person may not appeal to another. The key is to approach the topic of fantasies with openness, respect, and a willingness to understand both your own desires and those of your partner. By doing so, couples can use fantasies as a tool for enhancing their sexual connection and exploring new dimensions of intimacy together.

As we continue to evolve in our understanding of human sexuality, it’s clear that male sexual fantasies play a significant role in sexual expression and satisfaction. By embracing these fantasies in a healthy, consensual manner, individuals and couples can unlock new levels of pleasure and connection in their intimate lives.

Mens Sexual Fantasies | 15 Kinky Things & Ideas To Try

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Research carried at the University of Ohio in 2011 concluded that men do think about sex about 19 times a day, 9 times more than women do. Also, while women fantasize more about romance, men fantasize about being kinky and exploratory, according to research done in 2012 by the University of Granada. So what are men’s sexual fantasies? Do men desire to implement these fantasies in real life? What is the most common male fantasy? What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl?

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These questions may have crossed your mind at some point if you’re sexually active and involved with a man. As much as they’re demonized, fantasies can be great for your sex life. After all, they give you a break from the mundane day-to-day life and push you to explore your kinky side, beyond the usual sexual boundaries.

So, if you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life, an insight into what men fantasize about can be a good starting point to explore kinky things to try in the bedroom.

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It comes as no surprise, does it? Just the way women have their share of fantasies, men do too. Men are not all that different from women. Mind you. The brain is the sexiest organ in the body, and that is where all the naughty ideas come from.

Men fantasize about things that given them much-needed excitement in the usual intimate affairs, and while they may not talk about them, fantasizing about sex and being a little exploratory is quite normal. In his head, it might be too wild or crazy for you and he might never want to share them, but he has plenty of sexual fantasies locked up.

If you do oblige, he will never stop thanking you. You might just become the woman of his dreams. And who knows, it may be the beginning of pushing the boundaries of your own sexuality too. But for any of it to come to pass, you need to know and understand male fantasy ideas.

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To that end here is a lowdown on the 12 top common and riveting of men’s sexual fantasies:

Related Reading: 5 tips for women to prepare for oral sex

1. Demon dominatrix

What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? Well, this is it. Women taking initiative is always a big turn-on for men. And why should men have to do the wooing and seducing all the time? One of the biggest kinks that men fantasize about is his woman in knee-high stilettos, netted stockings and a red bra covering just enough to let his mind run wild.

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Oh, and a whip (possibly?). I mean what kind of Dominatrix would you be without the whip but we would advise you to keep the whipping to a minimum.

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Women taking initiative in bed

2. All sex under the sun

Like all the sex there is to have. Trying all crazy positions with no judgment whatsoever. Nothing is too crazy for them. It’s sex at the end of the day. Yes, it’s a common male fantasy to get experimental in bed.

So, the next time he asks, keep an open mind to putting the missionary style to rest and trying something you. To get started, you can marry this fantasy idea with the first, try the woman-on-top position and channel that inner cowgirl as you ride him. Trust us, it’s what he secretly wishes for in bed.

3. Squirt her

Women are crazy conscious about this but this is the one thing men fantasize about over and over. That’s because nothing gives him a greater boost and satisfaction than seeing his partner ooze with pleasure, quite literally. Squirting is letting go of all inhibitions but is a major kink for men. It is sort of an accomplishment for a man.

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Related Reading: 10 Signs Your Relationship Will Last Forever

4: The daddy issue

It’s not necessarily women who bring Daddy issues to relationships. Men do too but in a very different manner. Some men like being called Daddy during sex. They might never in their right mind ask their girlfriends to call them Daddy but they sure would love it.

So, if your partner has joked about it in the past, count this among the kinky things to try with him. We guarantee it will turn him on to no end, and of course, lead to better sex. All you need is to let go of your inhibitions.

5: Get louder, get in public

Louder moans, groans, harder pulls. Telling him that you like just what he is doing, begging him to not stop, asking for more. This is the Holy Grail of men’s sexual fantasies. Whether your partner has given any hint about his experimental streak in bed or not, he sure desires this.

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The louder encouragement they get, the better it is. It is also among the most common fantasy of a married man, who more often than not has to make do with sex on mute mode, especially if there are children in the house. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, surprise him with your moans and watch him go wild. Get louder and watch him go wild

6. A threesome

Is it just a common male fantasy though? We wonder. Well, there is no denying that every man wants it. We suspect every woman wants it too. Or is at least a wee bit curious about what the experience would feel like. If it’s something everyone wants, why not keep an open mind about it.

Most commonly, male fantasy ideas revolved around a woman-man-woman threesome. A girl on girl action right before him, while he is getting ready, is like every man’s fantasy come true. Even if you’re not ready for the threesome experience in real life, you can always share your fantasies about it with each other. The verbal, imagined scenario alone is enough to fire up your sex life and how!

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7.

More oral

What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? She going down on him and blowing his mind off with a mind-blowing blowjob definitely makes the cut. While he is imagining that, he might throw some deep-throat action into the mix. Because nothing else is as pleasurable as getting head from the woman they love.

Related Reading: We asked married people their darkest fantasies and this is what they said…

8. Voyeuristic pleasure

Among men’s sexual fantasies that extend far beyond the realm of dirty and naughty is this secret desire to watch other couples do it. It is a kinky pleasure, a guilty one. Now, this is one of those sexual fantasies that men (well, most of them anyway ) don’t act on – and rightly so – but then, talking about it can be a huge turn-on for them, and you’d be surprised to learn, for you too.

9. Filming the action

This is kink 101 among the long list of male fantasy ideas. It may be for pure sentimental value or out of curiosity of what it looks like when you’re both in the thick of the action but having a sex tape is definitely what almost all men secretly desire.

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It is kinky in its own right and men love it. If you are looking for ways to seduce your partner and trust him enough, suggest recording the action and experience the magic unfold.

10. Try things seen in porn

Most of the men’s sexual fantasies stem from porn. It’s hardly a surprise then that men want to try all those crazy moves shown in porn movies in their sex life too. Or at least he would like to give that a shot. Because what good is porn if you cannot learn from them?

Not surprisingly, this also ranks among the most common fantasies of a married man. If you’re not too put off by the idea of it, try incorporating porn night dates to spice up your sex life. Of course, you don’t have to go all the way. Dip your toes, test the waters, and see how it goes.

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11. Sitting on his face

Like squirting, sitting on your man’s face could make most women very conscious about their nether region. It might get messy, sure, but it is super-hot for men. This is surely among the male fantasy ideas that work in your interest. So, don’t get in over your head too much, go with the flow, and brace yourself for a mind-blowing orgasm. Who knows you might squirt while sitting on his face. Two birds, one stone!

Related Reading: Oral sex moves you wanted to know about but did not know whom to ask

12. Doing a bit of exploration

It is like the woman taking responsibility for her pleasure as well. Touching yourself while he is doing you is kinky. Play with your erogenous regions and let him have a taste of it. Men like watching women playing with themselves. It is a common male fantasy, as in their minds, it makes the action doubly hot.

13. Up against the glass window

What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl? Well, this is another common, recurring theme: Doing it against a glass window or the wall, or in a glass elevator, running the risk of being seen or caught. The rush of it is kinky and the pleasure is intensified.

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Running the risk of being seen or caught

14. Dirty talk

The more verbally explicit, the better. Men like it when you spell it out for them. So, tell him if you’re enjoying what he’s doing to you. Better still, tell him what exactly he can do to make it better. From ‘I want you to give me the tongue’ to ‘pull my hair’, ‘choke me baby’ and ‘spank me’, the wilder your suggestion, the more kink it will add to the act.

This is one of the simpler but highly effective kinky things to try in bed. If you haven’t yet, we strongly recommend that you do.

15. More of booty action

Yes, men’s sexual fantasies involve anal action. If you’ve been with your man long enough, you’d probably know that by now because he’s sure to have dropped subtle hints to that effect.

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Now that you know what the most pressing and stirring men’s sexual fantasies are, put them to good use to take your sexual compatibility and intimacy to the next level. Of course, you can pick and choose the ones you’re most comfortable trying and up the ante as you go along.

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The 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies According to Experts

• Some of the most common sexual fantasies include rough sex and multi-partnered sex.  
• Other sexual fantasies include public sex, roleplay, and voyeurism. 
• Before acting on sexual fantasies, establish consent and adhere to laws regarding public nudity. 

Sex is a topic that can spark many complicated feelings. Even the most sex-positive folks can find themselves feeling confused and uncertain when reflecting on the arousing, erotic mental images — otherwise known as sexual fantasies — they conjure up in their head. 

It is easy to get caught up thinking your innermost thoughts are deviant. But, chances are even your most taboo fantasies are normal and healthy. In fact, evidence suggests that those who have sexual fantasies experience less anxiety and a greater sense of self-esteem.

Daydreaming about sex is completely normal, and acting on a shared fantasy may even help spice up a relationship. Just make sure that you establish consent and boundaries with your partner, and are following all local laws around nudity and sex.  

Below you will find examples of some of the most common fantasies people experience — and how to act on them safely. 

1. Multi-partner sex

Multi-partner sex involves sex with more than one partner of the same or different genders. Sex with three partners may be called a threesome and more may be called an orgy. 

A 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior involving 274 Canadian university undergraduates revealed 64% of participants had some interest in multi-partner sex.

Another study published in Personality and Individual Differences involving 788 British adults found that men specifically may fantasize more about multi-partner sex. Male participants of the study were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. Meanwhile, women’s fantasies were more likely to include same-sex partners and famous people.

2. Dominant or rough sex  

Rough sex is a sexual act that is aggressive, animalistic, and perhaps somewhat violent. It is often depicted as more passionate than other kinds of sex, but can also be associated with unhealthy abusive sex. Though, rough is not inherently dangerous or abusive.

BDSM, which encompasses much of rough sex, stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. BDSM encompasses many different kinks — often considered atypical sexual practices. Dominant or submissive sex often involves the consensual assuming and relinquishing of power between those involved. It can involve tying your partner up, spanking, and an entire spectrum of other behaviors and emotional entanglements. 

Some people are aroused by light restraint, others by intense physical pain. 

Psychological roleplay — like that between a teacher and student or a boss and employee — may also be considered BDSM as it involves an exchange of power.

Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist whose research focuses on sexuality, discovered this fantasy is wildly popular when doing research for his book on the science of sexual desire called Tell Me What You Want. He surveyed 4,000 Americans and found 93% of women and 81% of men had fantasized about being sexually dominated. Further, 85% of men and 76% of women had fantasized about being sexually dominant.

3. Voyeurism or exhibitionism

Voyeurism is arousal caused by watching an unsuspecting person or people engaged in a private intimate or sexual act. A small 1991 study found 54% of men have voyeuristic fantasies. Meanwhile, a 2006 Sewdish study found that of 2,450 adults surveyed in 1996, 7.7% had reported becoming aroused watching other people have sex.

Exhibitionism is on the other end of voyeurism; it is the act of becoming aroused by others consensually watching you have sex or by exposing parts of your body to unsuspecting participants. Both of these kinks can be considered problematic if one is unable to control their urges, if the fantasy causes emotional distress, or if legal issues arise.

You probably won’t be able to act on this sexual fantasy. In the US, and many other countries, it is illegal to watch or tape anyone having sex without their consent. Additionally, public nudity is illegal in most of the US, although the definition of nudity may vary by state. 

4. Sex in public or an unusual location 

Sex in public is another popular fantasy that may fall under exhibitionism. In Lehmiller’s same survey, he found 81% of men and 84% of women were aroused by a public sex fantasy. 

It’s important to note that acting on this fantasy is often illegal. Though actual guidelines vary by the municipality — for instance, public nudity is legal in areas like Denver where people of all sexes can go topless — sex acts in public are illegal in all 50 states.

5. Roleplay and cosplay 

Despite their similar names, roleplay and cosplay are distinct fantasies: . 

• Roleplay is the assumption of another identity. During a sexual act, roleplay can be a part of many of the above kinks. For example, it can help people play out fantasies of power imbalances or as strangers.  
• Cosplay is the act of dressing up like someone or something else, often from a book, movie, or video game. It is not inherently sexual, but some people enjoy impersonating a character during sex. 

Unfortunately, there has not been a great deal of research done on the topic of sexual roleplay or cosplay. An issue in the International Journal of Roleplaying suggests this is because sexologists consider it to be an “insignificant factor of foreplay,” and therefore, is not explicitly included in research questionnaires. 

6. Romantic sex 

Romantic sex is different than many fantasies because there is no specified definition — what is romantic for one person may differ for another.  

In theory, any kind of sex can be romantic. Romantic sex is “…a sexual relationship in which there’s an emotional and erotic connection. It could be long and slow and sensuous, it could be tantric sex, it could, you know, have some BDSM involved in it,” says Deborah Fox, a clinical social worker and certified sex therapist. 

Tantric sex, for example, is slow and doesn’t fixate its end goal on orgasm. Instead, the goal of it is to focus on the entire sexual experience and any sensations it brings up. 

Lehmiller reports finding romantic sexual fantasies more popular among younger respondents of his survey. He also found 91% of straight men, 88% of straight women, and 87% of gay and bisexual men and women, fantasize about their current romantic partner — making partners the most common person respondents fantasized about..

7. Gender-bending and homoeroticism 

Gender-bending is when a person challenges societal expectations of their gender. Modern American examples of it trace back to 1920s vaudeville and can be linked to present-day drag shows. People of all sexual orientations can practice gender-bending. It’s important to note that this is different from transgenderism, which is when someone has a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their assigned sex at birth. 

Homoeroticism is a fantasy that involves sexual acts with members of the same sex. It can be — and is often — experienced by people who identify as heterosexual, not just homosexual or queer. 

In fact, a 2019 paper published in Social Forces suggests 3.6% to 4.1% of men and 7.6% to 9.5% of women report some level of same-sex sexual or romantic attraction. 

Further, sexual desire is not an either or situation, nor does it define your sexual identity. For example, a heterosexual cisgender woman who is in a sexually fulfilling relationship with a cisgender man can still have fantasies about other women.

Fox thinks of sexuality as a spectrum, or a bell curve. On one tail of the curve is being completely straight, and on the other tail is being completely gay. Most people fall somewhere in the middle. 

“People might identify as straight, but they can have a little titillation about you know, imagining, or even engaging [in same-sex sexual acts],” says Fox. “Some heterosexual people do have sex with the same gender person occasionally…having that homosexual fantasy, I don’t think it necessarily means anything about their identity in and of itself. “

Tips for approaching your partner with sexual fantasies 

Trying out fantasies with your partner is exciting and thrilling. But, before you start, there are important aspects of experimentation you should ensure are in place for utmost safety and pleasure.

1. Establish consent 

The most important thing to establish when having sex with partners is consent. It shows a partner you respect them and their body, and a sexual act without consent is assault. 

Consent is explicit, non-coercive permission to engage in a certain act, in this case, one of a sexual nature. It can be revoked at any time. It is the most vital aspect of healthy sex. 

Consent is not merely “no means no” — but more of a “yes means yes.” It looks like: 

• Consistently checking in with a partner throughout a sexual experience
• Asking explicitly if they like something before you do it
• Discontinuing an act if they ask you to stop — even if they agreed to it beforehand 

2.

Discuss boundaries

To have the safest possible experience, you must be transparent about what it is you want and don’t want. This can include:  

• Set an agreed-upon plan for how the sexual encounter might go, including what is off-limits 
• Establish a safe word to say when you begin to feel unnerved, so your partner knows when to stop, 

The basis of these boundaries is consent, which can be relinquished at any time. It is important to get permission before trying anything new, or even if it’s something you do regularly.

3. Use proper protection 

To avoid transmitting any STIs, ensure you practice safe sex with a condom or other barrier. 

Other forms of birth control like an IUD or spermicide do not protect against STIs; inform your partner beforehand if you may be carrying one. 

4. Treat your partner with respect 

Sex is intimate and should only be experienced somewhere and with someone who you feel safe with. 

Understand vulnerability must be embraced when having sex, and do not say or do anything that may make your partner feel judged. Take it slow, especially when trying new things. Voice any concerns or thoughts you may have throughout. 

Insider’s takeaway 

Sexual fantasies are nothing to be embarrassed about. Desire is a key part of sexuality and having fantasies is normal, common, and healthy.

Just because you have a fantasy does not mean you want to act on it. But if you do, it is important to establish consent, respect your partner’s boundaries, use proper protection, and make sure you are following local laws around sex and nudity.  

Callie Tansill-Suddath

Callie Tansill-Suddath is a freelance journalist and master’s candidate living in D.C. Her work has appeared in Bustle, Vice, the New York Times, and The Washington City Paper. Follow her on Twitter @CalTanSud.

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Men’s secret sexual fantasies

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We learned from men what thoughts they have in their heads: the most seductive places for sex, exciting games and unexpected roles. It seems that we have a reason to be smart and take part in the hottest adventure that will lift your man to heaven and back. Perhaps even several times.

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Stas Grachev

“It seems to me that the most impregnable reincarnation of a partner will be a tasty morsel for a man. Here, a masquerade is not required, just put on a strict pencil skirt, a shirt that does not shine through, and stockings. Such a look of a girl can revive a guy’s long dormant fantasies. For example, a teacher, a flower shop clerk, a TV presenter, or your best friends’ older sisters. In general, everyone who you will never get, but whom you secretly dreamed of, will get into your head.

Andrey Samoilov

“Maybe this is not the biggest fantasy, but one of the most interesting scenarios for me is sex with a dentist: big breasts, a small nurse uniform and… complete domination! This thought came to me after another trip to the dentist. Since then, sex or any caresses in the doctor’s office with a pretty woman in the top of my sexual fantasies.

IT’S INTERESTING

Megan Fox and other stars who like to get naked

American actress Megan Fox appeared topless as a woman with wings in the film Passion Games. She boldly shed her clothes and posed in her underwear in the comedy It’s Forty. In the horror film Jennifer’s Body, Megan starred in sex scenes with Amanda Seyfried. Only in 2016, when Fox turned 30, she announced that she would no longer act in explicit scenes so as not to injure her three sons. However, on her Instagram (a social network recognized as extremist and banned on the territory of the Russian Federation), the actress from time to time publishes half-naked pictures.

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Akmal Aripov

“I’m attracted to the idea of ​​having sex somewhere on an expensive yacht in the middle of the ocean. Next to me, a luxurious brunette (an image of Megan Fox involuntarily pops up in my head) smiles at me, shows a reciprocal desire. In general, all the blessings of the world converge at one time in one place: the sun, the boundless ocean, a glass of wine, complete solitude with a beautiful woman. What could be more beautiful?

Roman Belov

“The very first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the words ‘sexual fantasy’ is sex with two girls. How cool when everything I love appears in double volume! It would be especially great if the girls contrast with each other. For example, a brunette and a blonde, or with a swarthy and fair skin color. Very pretty and very sexy.”

Aleksey Lukashevich

“In my fantasies there is not one, not two or even three women, but a whole harem! Yes, I would like to have my own harem of some Amazons. But be sure to beautiful Amazons. Maybe it will even be a quest-style game: defeat all the Amazons and get them like a trophy. There are so many women, so much pleasure that even one thought makes you feel good. The main thing is to stay alive after such “battles” with women.”

Kirill Semennikov

“Once, for driving in an oncoming lane, I ended up in a courthouse, where I saw a charming policewoman. But no… it’s not all that banal. I thought that we could become lovers with her like Bonnie and Clyde. They would roam around the country and mess around. She would stop cars, and in the meantime I would steal food from their salon. She and I would have passionate sex on the hood of a car, on a minibus, and even in the cab of a long-distance truck. Well, and to top it all off – a speed ride along a night track with a gorgeous blowjob to the bitter end. And most importantly – no fines for all these delights. Perfect”.

Vladimir Logvin

“I would gladly rush off to warmer climes. For example, in Bali! There, in a house above the water, with a beautiful and beloved woman, I would disappear for a couple of days and allow myself to completely plunge into sensual and prolonged sex.

Interview with a sexologist: what sexual fantasies men and women have and how to diversify intimate life0003

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Relationships and sex are an important part of our lives, so today we will talk about them. Just don’t be hypocrites! We tell you what problems people face in bed, how to talk with a partner about your sexual fantasies and how to return a faded desire. Where to turn with problems in intimate life? “Won’t they laugh at me in a sex shop?” Tatyana Gorbunova, a sexologist and intimate gymnastics trainer, will help us sort out all the exciting issues.

A sexologist is a specialist who helps to correct the sexual education and sexual behavior of people. He may have a medical or psychological background. It is difficult for an ordinary person to determine where the problem is hiding that prevents them from enjoying intimate life. An experienced specialist will determine its localization: body or psyche.

Both men and women come to me with different requests. The main problem is dissatisfaction in sex. Women present for lack of orgasm or vaginismus (involuntary muscle spasms that block the entrance to the vagina. – Approx. ed. ). Previously, in the medical dictionary there was the word “frigidity”, which stamped all women with problems in the sexual sphere. Now it is not there: we are looking for and successfully solving problems. When a woman finds a new man, after a divorce or a long-term relationship, she wants to correct all past mistakes, she wants to become a better person and create a strong bond. We must pay tribute to such women who always strive to develop and learn new things,” said Tatyana Gorbunova.

Women, as expected, worry more about relationships than men

Photo: Irina Sharova / 72.RU

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Men turn to a sexologist with erectile dysfunction (impotence), premature ejaculation or unrealized fantasies. The expert believes that often the cause of such problems is education in society, where the stronger sex cannot show weakness. Men are afraid to be misunderstood and ridiculed, and therefore suppress their desires.

– I had a client, a young man with an unrealized foot fetish fantasy (sexual attraction to feet. – Approx. ed. ). He was willing to pay women just to caress their feet, without sex. The man is married, but did not want to ask his wife about it for fear of losing authority in the family. We went to therapy so that he could correctly present this to his wife and give this pleasure to her, and not to other women, ”explains the sexologist.

Tatyana Gorbunova is sure that if a fantasy is not realized, sooner or later it will find a way out. In the extreme, this will lead to treason. And although this concept has a different meaning for each couple, it is always a signal of problems. It is often much easier to prevent a “turn to the left” than to forgive a guilty spouse (or spouse) later.

— Couples often come to me when they are on the verge of a divorce. I always try to save and save families. Once, after group therapy, I received a message: “Tatiana, it’s good that we have you! Yesterday, my colleague’s daughter jumped out of the window because of her husband’s infidelity. Infidelity is a great tragedy for women’s self-esteem. It is impossible for a person to be left alone with his problem. You need to contact a specialist until the point of no return has been passed, the expert concludes sadly.

Secret desires can sit in your head all your life and wait in the wings. They are different for everyone, but there are those that are most common. In men and women, they differ in many ways, but there are also common ones.

– Men have three main erotic fantasies: deep throat blowjob, anal sex, and sex with two women or with a stranger. Women secretly desire group sex (and the third can be a person of any gender), sex with coercion or even elements of violence, as well as making love with another woman. Any fantasy should be presented to the partner carefully, giving time to digest this proposal. If a person is not ready, try to realize your desire partially. For example, if you like BDSM, don’t try hard on the first try. Start with velvet handcuffs, soft masks, tassels, light flip flops. Give yourself and your partner a taste. You can start with a brush massage with softly tied hands – this is pleasant and does not hurt. But a person will form an anchor for pleasure. Then you can just put the handcuffs on the table, and your significant other will start to get excited, Tatyana Gorbunova advises.

A sexologist shared a story when her client had an unexpected desire. A man was standing at a crossroads and saw a girl on a sports bike. Her seat was raised high, and she herself was wearing short shorts. And with some movement, he noticed a strazik between her legs – the beauty was driving with an anal plug. The man got very excited, came home and told his wife: “Let’s go to the sex shop. I want sex with a cork. Want Want want!” The couple tried it and was delighted with the new sensations.

— Fantasies can come unexpectedly, just as they can go away. I had a client whose wife dreamed of a threesome. He did not want this, but he was not going to lose his beloved either. I suggested they go to a swinger party. Do not rush into the pool with your head, but just look. He agreed. When his wife was there and saw everything with her own eyes, she abruptly changed her mind. This is also normal, it happens. It is important to feel ready and interested in something. Unfortunately, people are traumatized both morally and physically. If a girl has experienced severe pain in a past relationship or childhood abuse, you are unlikely to convince her to have sex, which can bring even mild pain. And you should not do this, – added Tatyana Gorbunova.

Every person has this question sooner or later. Most often, this is a normal stage in a long-term relationship. The fact is that when we fall in love, our hormones go through the roof. We lose our heads at a single touch, a word, or even a text message. But over time it passes.

– Passions subside in any couple. Our hormonal system cannot work at its limit for life. When the candy-bouquet period ends, our usual libido returns to the arena. Sex becomes less, and many it scares. Conflicts in a couple begin in a situation where one of them has a strong type of sexual constitution, while the other has a weak one. It turns out that one partner wants sex every day, while the other is enough once a month. But this situation can be corrected if both are brought to the middle type: one is calmed down a little, and the other, on the contrary, is warmed up, the sexologist explained.

You can find a lot of interesting things on the shelves of adult stores. For example, intimate cosmetics that can delay the time of ejaculation or force blood to flow to the right place and cause arousal

Photo: Irina Sharova / 72. RU

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The sexual constitution is a series of biological parameters that determine the level of sexual desire. This is the degree of our sexual desire, which comes from nature. The stronger the sexual constitution, the higher it is. You can determine your type by your body; a special scale has been developed for this: for men and women, for obvious reasons, it will differ. In general, the earlier a person begins and ends puberty, the more intense will be sexual desire throughout life. You can read more in our big review.

How to solve this problem so as not to offend each other? Tatyana Gorbunova reminds us that our libido is a vessel that needs to be filled. And you need to know what. It can be dancing, walking in nature, watching movies, making pots, talking with like-minded people, getting a massage, having a delicious dinner, or simply relaxing. When you are exhausted, you are unlikely to burn with the desire to fool around in bed (except with a pillow and a blanket). If you forget about problems in sexual relations, then sooner or later they will come to a serious conflict.

— If people endure for a long time and then say everything to each other, then it becomes a drama. A woman can blurt out to her husband that she has been faking orgasms all her married life. Imagine his feelings at this moment! Why bring the situation to such a state? All relationships have stages, it is important to go through them correctly. After falling in love, there should be a story about trust, openness and a desire to be with each other. We need to discuss problems, speak honestly about them and not blame. Sex can become harmonious, but for this you need to make an effort. Find out what your partner likes, don’t be shy about talking about yourself. Today we have the opportunity to make sex life incredible: sex toys, intimate cosmetics, massage master classes and so on. But this needs to be given time, like work, household chores or children. Sex is our most important basic need, says the sexologist.