Discover the secrets to becoming a master kisser. From ensuring consent to staying present, these expert-backed tips will elevate your kissing game and take your romantic connections to new heights.

The Power of Presence: Staying Mindful During Intimate Moments

Kissing is a deeply intimate form of communication, yet it’s easy to get caught up in distracting thoughts during the act. Psychotherapist Chamin Ajjan emphasizes the importance of being present and tuning into your senses to make the most of each kiss. “Often we’re thinking, ‘Am I doing this right? Are they enjoying it? Does my breath stink?'” she explains. “But if you’re able to shift focus to your partner, kissing becomes a mindful activity where you’re tuning into your senses and theirs, which can make the moment more fun and satisfying.”

For some, like 31-year-old Jillian from California, staying in the moment can be a challenge, especially when a toddler or work worries compete for attention. Ajjan recommends a grounding technique: pay attention to what you can feel, hear, see, smell, and taste. This can help you get out of your head and into your body, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the kiss.

The Art of Consent: Asking for Permission to Kiss

Obtaining clear consent before kissing someone new is crucial, and it can even be a turn-on. “Consent is sexy,” says 27-year-old Alanna from Canada. Some, like 37-year-old Kim from Illinois, recommend directly asking if the other person wants to be kissed and then showing them you listened to their answer. This can lead to a “mind-blowing experience,” as 26-year-old Scarlett from Colorado puts it.

Norma, 60, from Canada, recalls a particularly memorable first kiss when she was 15 years old, where her date asked for permission before leaning in. “He looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Would it be okay if I kissed you?’ I had never been asked by anyone before,” Norma tells SELF. “With my permission, he leaned in and gave me a gentle but firm kiss. I’m 60 now and I still think of him in the most special way.”

The Lasting Impression: Lingering Kisses

While the length of a kiss can vary depending on the context, experts suggest letting your lips linger, even for shorter kisses. “The sweet forehead kiss you want at 8 a.m. is wildly different from the passionate lip-lock you may crave after hours,” the article notes. “But even if all you’re planning is a quick peck as a send-off or greeting, letting your lips linger—even for just a moment—can make the experience more memorable and meaningful.”

Variety is the Spice of Life: Exploring Different Kissing Techniques

Mixing up your kissing techniques can keep the experience fresh and exciting. “Kissing is better once you’ve learned what the other person likes,” says 26-year-old Scarlett from Colorado. This could involve trying different speeds, pressures, and angles to find what works best for you and your partner.

Experimentation is key, as 37-year-old Kim from Illinois explains: “Ask them how they want to be kissed, and then show them you listened to their answer.” By tailoring your approach to your partner’s preferences, you can create a truly memorable and mutually satisfying kissing experience.

The Importance of Hygiene: Keeping Your Breath Fresh

While it may seem obvious, maintaining good oral hygiene can significantly impact the quality of your kisses. “Worrying about potential disasters at work is probably the worst enemy of in-the-moment kissing,” says 53-year-old Elizabeth from Texas, who finds that concerns about her breath can distract her from fully enjoying the experience.

Taking the time to brush your teeth, use mouthwash, or chew gum can help alleviate any self-consciousness and allow you to be more present during intimate moments with your partner.

Relationship Satisfaction: The Link Between Kissing and Overall Happiness

According to a 2021 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, the frequency of kissing in a long-term heterosexual relationship can have a significant impact on overall sexual and relationship satisfaction. The researchers found that couples who kissed less frequently reported lower levels of satisfaction in both areas.

This underscores the importance of prioritizing physical intimacy, including kissing, as a way to maintain a healthy and fulfilling partnership. By incorporating these expert-backed tips into your kissing repertoire, you can deepen your emotional and physical connection with your partner, leading to greater satisfaction in your relationship.

The Art of Adapting: Kissing in the Modern Era

The past couple of years have presented unique challenges when it comes to physical intimacy, with many people wondering if it’s even okay to kiss someone new. Ajjan acknowledges this uncertainty, noting that “the last couple of years have left many of us wondering if it’s even okay to kiss someone new.”

However, by following the principles of consent, presence, and adaptability, couples can navigate the complexities of modern kissing and find ways to connect physically that feel safe and comfortable for both partners. The key is to communicate openly, respect boundaries, and remain flexible as societal norms continue to evolve.