What are the main types of prostatitis. How can prostatitis be diagnosed and treated effectively. What are the risk factors for developing prostatitis in men. How does prostatitis differ from other prostate conditions.

What is Prostatitis and How Does it Affect Men’s Health?

Prostatitis is a condition characterized by inflammation or infection of the prostate gland in men. This walnut-sized gland, located below the bladder and in front of the rectum, plays a crucial role in producing seminal fluid to nourish and protect sperm. When the prostate becomes inflamed or infected, it can lead to various uncomfortable symptoms and potential complications.

Prostatitis is distinct from other prostate conditions like benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) or prostate cancer. It’s important to understand the different types of prostatitis and their unique characteristics:

The Four Types of Prostatitis

• Acute bacterial prostatitis
• Chronic bacterial prostatitis
• Chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CP/CPPS)
• Asymptomatic prostatitis

Each type has its own set of symptoms, causes, and treatment approaches. Understanding these differences is crucial for proper diagnosis and management of the condition.

Acute Bacterial Prostatitis: Recognizing the Signs of a Sudden Infection

Acute bacterial prostatitis is a severe form of prostate infection that develops rapidly. It occurs when bacteria from the urinary tract infiltrate the prostate gland, causing inflammation and infection. This condition requires immediate medical attention due to its potential severity.

Key symptoms of acute bacterial prostatitis include:

• Sudden and urgent need to urinate
• High fever and chills
• Difficulty urinating or pain during urination
• Pain around the base of the penis or behind the scrotum
• Cloudy urine

Is acute bacterial prostatitis a medical emergency. Yes, it should be treated as such due to its rapid onset and potential for serious complications if left untreated. Seeking prompt medical care is crucial for managing this condition effectively.

Chronic Bacterial Prostatitis: Understanding the Lingering Infection

Chronic bacterial prostatitis is a milder but persistent form of prostate infection that can last for several months. It’s more common in older men and may develop following a urinary tract infection (UTI) or an episode of acute bacterial prostatitis.

Symptoms of chronic bacterial prostatitis tend to come and go, making them less obvious than those of acute prostatitis. Common signs include:

• Frequent urination, especially at night
• Pain or discomfort during urination or ejaculation
• Lower back pain
• Rectal discomfort
• A feeling of heaviness behind the scrotum
• Blood in the semen
• Difficulty urinating or a weak urine stream

How does chronic bacterial prostatitis differ from acute prostatitis. The main differences lie in the duration and severity of symptoms. While acute prostatitis develops suddenly and severely, chronic bacterial prostatitis persists over time with fluctuating symptoms that may be less intense but more enduring.

Chronic Prostatitis/Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome (CP/CPPS): Unraveling the Mystery

CP/CPPS is the most common form of prostatitis, accounting for a significant proportion of cases. Unlike bacterial forms of prostatitis, CP/CPPS shows no evidence of bacterial infection when tested. The exact cause of this condition remains unclear, but several factors may contribute to its development:

• Stress
• Nerve damage in the pelvic area
• Physical injury
• Chemical irritants in urine
• Past urinary tract infections
• Immune system disorders

The hallmark symptom of CP/CPPS is pain lasting more than three months in one or more of the following areas:

• Penis (often at the tip)
• Scrotum
• Perineum (area between scrotum and rectum)
• Lower abdomen

Additional symptoms may include pain during urination or ejaculation, frequent urination, and a weak urine stream.

Why is CP/CPPS challenging to diagnose and treat. The lack of a clear bacterial cause and the variability of symptoms make CP/CPPS a complex condition to identify and manage. Treatment often involves a multifaceted approach addressing both physical and psychological factors.

Asymptomatic Prostatitis: The Silent Inflammation

Asymptomatic prostatitis is a unique form of prostate inflammation that occurs without any noticeable symptoms. Men with this condition may only discover it through routine blood tests that assess prostate health, such as the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test.

While asymptomatic prostatitis doesn’t typically require treatment, it’s important to be aware of its potential impact on fertility. Men with this condition may experience difficulties with conception due to the inflammation’s effect on sperm production and quality.

How can asymptomatic prostatitis affect fertility. The inflammation in the prostate gland may interfere with the production and quality of seminal fluid, potentially leading to reduced sperm motility or count. This can make it more challenging for couples trying to conceive naturally.

Risk Factors for Prostatitis: Identifying Vulnerable Populations

While prostatitis can affect men of all ages, certain factors may increase the risk of developing this condition. Understanding these risk factors can help in early detection and prevention strategies. Common risk factors include:

• History of urinary tract infections
• Groin injuries
• Use of urinary catheters
• Previous prostate biopsies
• HIV/AIDS
• Enlarged prostate or existing voiding symptoms
• Previous episodes of prostatitis

Are there any lifestyle factors that can influence prostatitis risk. While not directly causative, certain lifestyle habits may contribute to prostate health. Maintaining good hygiene, staying hydrated, and managing stress can potentially reduce the risk of developing prostatitis or exacerbating existing symptoms.

Treatment Approaches for Prostatitis: Tailoring Care to Individual Needs

The treatment of prostatitis varies depending on the type and severity of the condition. Healthcare providers typically employ a combination of medications and lifestyle modifications to manage symptoms and address underlying causes. Common treatment options include:

Medications for Prostatitis Management

• Antibiotics: Used for bacterial forms of prostatitis, with duration ranging from a few weeks to several months depending on the severity and recurrence of the infection.
• Alpha-blockers: Help relax the muscles in the prostate and bladder neck, improving urine flow and reducing symptoms.
• Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs): Provide relief from pain and inflammation associated with prostatitis.
• Pain medications: Including antidepressants or anti-seizure medications, which can help manage chronic prostate pain.
• Supplements: Natural compounds like quercetin and pollen extract (cernilton) have shown promise in reducing prostate inflammation in some men.

How do doctors determine the most appropriate treatment plan for prostatitis. The choice of treatment depends on several factors, including the type of prostatitis, severity of symptoms, patient’s overall health, and response to previous treatments. A comprehensive evaluation and ongoing communication between the patient and healthcare provider are essential for developing an effective treatment strategy.

Lifestyle Modifications and Home Remedies

In addition to medical treatments, certain lifestyle changes and home remedies may help alleviate symptoms and improve overall prostate health:

• Dietary modifications: Reducing intake of caffeine, alcohol, and spicy foods that may irritate the prostate
• Hydration: Drinking plenty of water to help flush out bacteria from the urinary tract
• Warm baths: Soaking in a warm bath (sitz bath) can help relieve pelvic pain and discomfort
• Stress management: Practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga to reduce stress-related symptoms
• Regular exercise: Engaging in moderate physical activity to improve overall health and potentially reduce prostate inflammation

Can lifestyle changes alone cure prostatitis. While lifestyle modifications can significantly improve symptoms and quality of life for many men with prostatitis, they are typically most effective when combined with appropriate medical treatments. The effectiveness of lifestyle changes may vary depending on the type and severity of prostatitis.

Complications and Long-Term Outlook for Prostatitis Patients

While prostatitis is generally treatable, it can lead to various complications if left unmanaged or if treatment is ineffective. Potential complications include:

• Chronic pain: Persistent discomfort in the pelvic area can significantly impact quality of life
• Sexual dysfunction: Prostatitis may lead to erectile dysfunction or painful ejaculation
• Fertility issues: Inflammation can affect sperm production and quality
• Abscess formation: In severe cases of bacterial prostatitis, abscesses may develop in the prostate
• Sepsis: Rarely, acute bacterial prostatitis can lead to a life-threatening blood infection

What is the long-term outlook for men with prostatitis. The prognosis for prostatitis varies depending on the type and individual response to treatment. Many men experience significant improvement with appropriate medical care and lifestyle modifications. However, some forms of prostatitis, particularly CP/CPPS, may require ongoing management to control symptoms and maintain quality of life.

Regular follow-up with healthcare providers is crucial for monitoring the condition and adjusting treatment plans as needed. With proper care and management, most men with prostatitis can lead normal, active lives while effectively managing their symptoms.

Prostatitis and Its Impact on Male Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs)

While urinary tract infections (UTIs) are often associated with women, men can also experience UTIs, particularly in connection with prostatitis. The relationship between prostatitis and male UTIs is complex and bidirectional:

Prostatitis as a Cause of Male UTIs

Prostatitis, especially bacterial forms, can increase the risk of developing UTIs in men. The inflammation and potential bacterial colonization of the prostate can create an environment conducive to urinary tract infections. Bacteria from an infected prostate can migrate to the bladder or urethra, leading to a UTI.

UTIs as a Risk Factor for Prostatitis

Conversely, having a history of UTIs can increase a man’s risk of developing prostatitis. Bacteria causing a UTI may ascend from the urethra to the prostate, potentially leading to acute or chronic bacterial prostatitis.

How can men differentiate between symptoms of prostatitis and a UTI. While there is overlap in symptoms, prostatitis typically involves more specific pelvic and perineal pain, whereas UTIs may cause more generalized urinary symptoms without pronounced pelvic discomfort. A proper medical evaluation is necessary to distinguish between these conditions accurately.

Prevention and Management of Male UTIs in Relation to Prostatitis

Preventing and managing UTIs in men with prostatitis involves several strategies:

• Proper hygiene: Maintaining good genital hygiene to reduce bacterial colonization
• Hydration: Drinking plenty of water to flush out the urinary system regularly
• Timely urination: Avoiding holding urine for extended periods
• Prophylactic antibiotics: In some cases, low-dose antibiotics may be prescribed to prevent recurrent UTIs
• Regular prostate check-ups: Monitoring prostate health to detect and manage inflammation early

Can treating prostatitis help prevent recurrent UTIs in men. Yes, effectively managing prostatitis, particularly bacterial forms, can significantly reduce the risk of recurrent UTIs. By addressing the underlying prostate inflammation and potential bacterial reservoirs, the likelihood of developing UTIs can be minimized.

Understanding the interconnection between prostatitis and male UTIs is crucial for comprehensive urological care. Men experiencing recurrent UTIs or persistent urinary symptoms should consult with a healthcare provider to evaluate for underlying prostate issues and develop an appropriate management plan.

Prostatitis (Prostate Infection): Causes, Symptoms, Treatments

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

Medically Reviewed by Poonam Sachdev on October 08, 2021

• Symptoms of Prostatitis
• Prostatitis Risk Factors
• Treatment for Prostatitis

The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that all men have. It’s found below your bladder and in front of your rectum. The job of the prostate is to make fluid that contains sperm (semen). This fluid protects the sperm when they travel toward a woman’s egg.

If your prostate becomes swollen, tender, and inflamed, you have a condition called “prostatitis.” This isn’t cancer, and it’s different from having an “enlarged prostate.”

There are four types of prostatitis. Each has its own set of symptoms and causes. These include:

Acute bacterial prostatitis. Your urinary tract is made up of your kidneys, bladder, and the tubes that pass between them. If bacteria from here finds its way into your prostate, you can get an infection.

This type of prostatitis comes on quickly. You might suddenly have:

• Urgent need to pee but only a little comes out, or you have to get to the toilet quickly to prevent an accident 
• High fever
• Chills
• Trouble peeing
• Pain around the base of your penis or behind your scrotum
• Cloudy urine 

Acute bacterial prostatitis is a severe condition. If you notice these symptoms, seek medical care right away.

Chronic bacterial prostatitis. This is more common in older men. It’s a milder bacterial infection that can linger for several months. Some men get it after they’ve had a urinary tract infection (UTI) or acute bacterial prostatitis.

The symptoms of chronic bacterial prostatitis often come and go. This makes them easy to miss. With this condition, you might sometimes have:

• An urgent need to pee, often in the middle of the night
• Painful urination
• Pain after you ejaculate (release semen at orgasm)
• Lower back pain
• Rectum pain
• A “heavy” feeling behind your scrotum
• Blood in your semen
• Urinary blockage (difficulty peeing or a weak urine stream)

Chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CP/CPPS). This is the most common type of prostatitis. It shares many of the same signs as bacterial prostatitis. The difference is that when tests are run, no bacteria are present with this type.

Doctors aren’t sure what causes CP/CPPS. Triggers include stress, nearby nerve damage, and physical injury. Chemicals in your urine or a UTI you had in the past may play a role. CP/CPPS has also been linked to immune disorders like chronic fatigue syndrome and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

The main symptom of CP/CPPS is pain that lasts more than 3 months in at least one of these body parts:

• Penis (often at the tip)
• Scrotum
• Between your scrotum and rectum (the perineum)
• Lower abdomen

You may also have pain when you pee or ejaculate. You might not be able to hold your urine, or you may have to pee more than 8 times a day. A weak urine stream is another common symptom of CP/CPPS.

Asymptomatic prostatitis. Men who have this type of prostatitis have an inflamed prostate but no symptoms. You may only learn you have it if your doctor does a blood test that checks your prostate health. Asymptomatic prostatitis doesn’t need any treatment, but it can lead to infertility.

You’re more likely to have problems with your prostate if:

• You’ve had a UTI
• You’ve had a groin injury
• You use a urinary catheter
• You’ve had a prostate biopsy
• You have HIV/AIDS
• You have an enlarged prostate or voiding symptoms
• You’ve had prostatitis before

An inflamed or infected prostate gland is common in men of all ages.

If you have prostatitis, your doctor can help you find ways to manage your symptoms and control your pain. Treatments can include these medications:

• Antibiotics. If a bacterial infection is causing serious symptoms, your doctor may want you to go to the hospital and get antibiotics through an IV at first. Then, you may need to take them by mouth for up to a month. If your symptoms keep coming back, your doctor might suggest you stay on a low dose of antibiotics for the long term.
• Alpha-blockers. These drugs help relax parts of your urinary tract. They help reduce obstruction from an enlarged prostate, which can lead to UTIs and prostatitis.
• Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs. Over-the-counter pain relief can help ease any soreness and swelling.
• Pain medicine. Antidepressants or anti-seizure medications are just two types of medicine that can be used to treat long-term prostate pain.
• Supplements. Quercetin, a natural compound found in plants, has been shown to ease inflammation in some men who have prostatitis. A pollen extract called cernilton may also help. Talk to your doctor before trying any supplements or herbal remedies. They could make other medicines you’re taking not work as well.
• Medications that improve sexual function. It’s common for prostatitis to lead to problems with your sex life. If you have trouble getting or keeping an erection, your doctor can prescribe a medicine like sildenafil (Viagra) to help.

At some point, you may also need a different kind of treatment:

• Urinary catheter. If you can’t pee, a nurse can insert a flexible tube into your urethra (the tube that removes urine from your body) to drain your bladder.
• Prostate massage. This helps empty fluid from your prostate ducts (tubes). Having it done two to three times a week could help. Frequent ejaculation may help just as much.
• Physical therapy. Sometimes prostatitis is caused by a problem with your pelvic floor muscles. These support your bladder and bowel and help with sexual function. Your doctor may refer you to a physical therapist who can help you improve your strength and posture. They can also help you learn about habits you have that could be causing damage to your pelvic floor.
• Mental health therapy. Stress, depression, and feeling helpless may play a part in some types of prostatitis. Talk to a mental health counselor. They can help you learn to control your negative thoughts so you can feel better.

Lifestyle changes can make a difference, too. These options may help you start to feel better right away:

• Watch your diet. Spicy food, caffeine, and alcohol can all make your symptoms worse.
• Take “sitz baths.” Sitting in 2 to 3 inches of warm water can provide some relief from your symptoms.
• Protect yourself. If you must sit at a desk or in a chair for a long time, sit on a cushion.
• Be active when you can. Regular exercise may not only reduce your pain but also improve your outlook.

Researchers are also trying to better understand what causes prostatitis. This may lead to new treatments.

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UTI in Men: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment & Prevention

Though urinary tract infections (UTIs) are more common in women, they can also occur in men.  

In this article, I’ll describe the two main types of UTIs in men as well as their symptoms and potential causes. I’ll also review how doctors diagnose and treat UTIs in men. Finally, I’ll address who is most at risk for getting a UTI, how it can affect older adults and children differently, and which behaviors may help prevent a UTI. 

In most cases, UTIs are easy to treat, but they do not go away on their own. Knowing how to recognize the symptoms of a UTI will help you determine when it’s important to see a healthcare professional for treatment.

What Is a UTI?

A UTI is an infection of the urinary tract, which can include the kidneys, bladder, ureters, and urethra. The infection is most commonly caused by the bacterium escherichia coli (E. coli), which is naturally present in the body.

The most common symptom of UTIs in men is urinary frequency, or experiencing a frequent urge to urinate. Some men may also experience a painful or burning sensation while urinating. Additional symptoms can also present depending on where your infection is located, and some men may experience no symptoms at all.

Generally, doctors refer to two types of UTIs:

• Upper tract: An upper tract infection refers to a UTI that is found in the ureters or has spread to the kidneys. A kidney infection (pyelonephritis) can occur when bacteria have traveled upward in the urinary tract from the bladder to the kidney or because bacteria carried in the bloodstream have collected in the kidney. Symptoms of an upper tract UTI or kidney infection can include pain in the upper back or side, high fever, shaking and chills, nausea, or vomiting.

• Lower tract: A lower tract infection refers to a UTI that is found or has spread to the bladder (also called cystitis or a bladder infection), prostate (prostatitis), or urethra (urethritis). Common causes of lower tract UTIs are intestinal bacteria, which can spread from the skin to the urethra and then to the bladder, and bacteria or microorganisms transmitted through sexual contact. Symptoms of a lower tract UTI can include pelvic pressure, pain or pressure in the lower abdomen, frequent and painful urination, blood in urine, and discharge.

Though it’s not always possible for a doctor to distinguish between a lower or upper tract infection, it can be helpful when determining the length of antibiotic treatment.

How Do You Diagnose and Treat a UTI?

To diagnose a UTI, your doctor may ask for a sample of your urine. They’ll use this for a urine culture to determine the levels of germs and bacteria in your urine. In rare cases, your doctor may also do an X-ray or ultrasound to get a more comprehensive look at your urinary tract.

If a UTI is confirmed, depending on the location and severity of the infection, your doctor will prescribe antibiotics. 

For an uncomplicated lower tract infection, your doctor will likely prescribe a course of antibiotics to be taken over five to seven days. 

If you have an upper tract infection, your doctor may prescribe antibiotics for three weeks or longer.  

In the rare case of a severe infection, your doctor may recommend hospital treatment and a course of intravenous antibiotics.

Who Is at Higher Risk for UTIs?

Several demographics are at a higher risk of getting a UTI:

• Older men: UTIs are common in older men because of the increased likelihood of developing an enlarged prostate or benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). In men with BPH, the prostate gland enlarges and wraps around the bladder neck, making it more difficult for urine to flow freely. When this happens, bacteria that are normally flushed out with urine can build up in the bladder, leading to an infection. Older men are also more likely to experience fecal incontinence, which can significantly increase the likelihood of developing a UTI. Long-term use of urinary catheters can also increase the risk of developing a UTI, since using a catheter can introduce bacteria into the bladder.

• Younger, sexually active men: Though UTIs are more common in men over 50, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are more likely to cause UTIs in younger men. In fact, STIs, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, are the most common cause of UTIs in younger men.

• Men who have anal intercourse: Anal intercourse can expose the urethra to more bacteria, particularly bacteria of the rectum, which increases the risk of developing a UTI.

• Men with diabetes: Diabetes can affect the function of the immune system, putting diabetics at a higher risk of UTIs. In addition, higher blood sugar levels can create a more favorable growth environment for pathogens.

• Uncircumcised, younger men: Studies suggest that lack of circumcision increases the risk of UTI in young men and boys.

Top Ways to Prevent a UTI

Several factors can encourage bacteria to grow and spread within the urinary tract. Though UTIs aren’t always preventable, some behaviors may  help protect against bacterial spread and infection in both men and women:

• Practice safe sex: Condom use can help prevent bacterial infections that are transmitted through sexual contact.

• Stay hydrated: Drinking plenty of fluids throughout the day will help encourage urination, which works to flush out bacteria from your urinary tract. If it’s hot out or if you’ve been exercising, be sure to drink even more water.

• Don’t “hold it in”: Urinate when you feel the urge. Holding it in can lead to a collection of bacteria in the bladder or urinary tract.

• Use good hygiene: Wipe from front to back after bowel movements, and wash your hands thoroughly afterward.

UTI Prevention in Men

Most of the behaviors that can help prevent UTIs in women can also help prevent UTIs in men. Additionally, treating prostate problems, including BPH, can help men improve urine flow and reduce the risk of UTI. 

UTI Prevention in Older Adults

In addition to treating prostate problems, eliminating caffeine and alcohol may help older men with BPH improve urine flow and prevent the buildup of urine in the bladder, which can increase the likelihood of an infection.

UTI Prevention in Children 

Circumcision in infancy can significantly reduce the likelihood of UTI in boys. One study conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics reported an 11-fold increase in UTI rate among uncircumcised boys compared to circumcised boys.

Can You Prevent a UTI When You Feel It Coming On? 

If you feel symptoms of a UTI,  infection is likely already present. So you should consult with your doctor to determine the right course of treatment. Home remedies, such as drinking cranberry juice and taking probiotics, have not been scientifically proven to help prevent or treat a UTI.

When to See a Doctor 

If you experience any symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like frequent or painful urination, reach out to your doctor or urologist. Do so immediately if you experience any symptoms of a bladder or kidney infection, such as fever, vomiting, or back pain.

How K Health Can Help 

Did you know you can get affordable primary care with the K Health app?

Download K to check your symptoms, explore conditions and treatments, and if needed text with a doctor in minutes. K Health’s AI-powered app is HIPAA compliant and based on 20 years of clinical data.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do men get a UTI?

Several factors can encourage bacterial growth and spread in the male urinary tract. This includes infrequent urination, poor toilet hygiene, bacteria transmitted through sexual contact, prostate problems, and diabetes.

Can you prevent UTI in men?

A few behaviors may reduce the likelihood of getting a UTI: Stay hydrated, practice safe sex, don’t hold in your urine, and wipe front to back after bowel movements.

Will a male UTI clear up on its own?

No, a UTI will generally not clear up on its own. Some remedies may help mitigate your symptoms and reintroduce healthy bacteria back into your body, but in most cases, a course of antibiotics is required to clear the infection.

What is the treatment for UTI in men?

Doctors can treat UTI in men with a variety of antibiotics. The length of treatment depends on the location of your infection and the results of your urine sample. For uncomplicated lower tract infections, most treatment courses last five to seven days. If your infection is in the upper urinary tract, your doctor may prescribe a course of antibiotics to be taken over three weeks or longer. In rare but severe cases, treatment may include hospitalization and an intravenous course of antibiotics.

K Health articles are all written and reviewed by MDs, PhDs, NPs, or PharmDs and are for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute and should not be relied on for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment.

When a man wants a child

18+

“And if the second line is very pale, is that considered?” This morning’s question summed up our efforts to “achieve flying”.

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Parenting

Doctor’s advice

“And if the second line is very pale, does that count?” This morning’s question summed up our efforts to “achieve flying” (the wording of the wife). This is where it all started.

I turned to the wall, opened my eyes and said in a deliberately sleepy voice: “No, it doesn’t count. Write more.” He received a gentle blow in the ribs. And he began to wait. I met men who were very happy about these two stripes. I was distrustful of their jubilation. And now I had the opportunity to check, to find out for myself what a man still feels at such a moment. I’ve been listening to myself all morning. So attentively that my wife said at breakfast: “Well, here it is. Now I will become a big cow. Are you thinking about it too, or just poisoned? What kind of face? “What are you, dear, the news is wonderful, I am very glad,” I answered, hugging her. “Just wondering how things will be now?” Darling assured me that everything would be fine and went to work. And I kept listening. And here’s the thing: I didn’t feel anything special. We just found out that somewhere in early December we will have a baby.

ADVERTISING – CONTINUED BELOW

If you could insert a pregnancy test like a disc into a player and watch a video about daughter Masha… To see her crying on the first day of visiting kindergarten: “Daddy, daddy, don’t give me away!”; with what gesture she removes her bangs from her forehead; how she flirts in front of the mirror and stretches touchingly, waking up in the morning. Then, of course, I would be very upset. Perhaps before a heart attack. But life made me aware of new circumstances – that’s all. And I was somewhat puzzled by this calmness. However, as I continued to listen to myself, I found that I was still a little scared.

I had doubts about what kind of father I would be. I never knew how to deal with children. He got lost when he found himself in a house where there was a small child. “Uchi-way,” the guests said, showing the child a “goat”. – What a sleazy child. Who are you so good at?” I felt embarrassed, but the children seemed to be pleased with such treatment. And as soon as I, an adequate person, said “hello” (and not “drinks”), and any baby began to cry. I didn’t know what to talk to him about, and he felt like a bad conversationalist. Here. And here is your child.

About the big cow, yeah, I thought about that. I thought that my wife – a small girl with an excellent figure – would turn into an aunt with an impressive booty. Did you think that my attitude towards her would change? These fears were not justified.

Oh, by the way. In articles about “pregnant” men, you can often find nonsense like “if the newlyweds decide to plan a pregnancy, it is better to do it when both are 200% sure that their parental hour has struck. ” What the hell is confidence? If we were living the fifth life and had already tried to go to old age with and without children, we could talk about a conscious choice. It only remained to believe that if your wife says “I want a child”, she really wants it.

In the evening we took out a piece of paper and wrote down everything we needed to take care of. We agreed to study the literature on raising children (not done), find out where it is better to give birth, clarify about sex (you can), finally complete the repairs in the apartment (if it weren’t for the pregnancy, it would never have been completed), not buy children’s things until the birth , buy a new car (a station wagon so that a stroller fits in the trunk), do not give birth together, let the child listen to classical music in the stomach. We decided that we wanted a girl and that she would be educated abroad. I resisted about sex: a man is supposed to want an heir. “Fool,” said the wife, “the daughter will love you very much, and you will love her, and that’s all. And the boy still needs to be educated. He will be just like you. Do you really want to drag him out of the children’s room of the police?” What do you object?

Days and weeks passed. The wife went to the doctor. A series of analyzes showed that everything is going well, but it could end badly. As I understand it, doctors consider it absolutely mandatory to warn every pregnant woman about this, so that in the future, if something happens, God forbid, no one could make a claim against them. In addition, the nervousness that they cultivate in expectant mothers helps to extract money from them for supplements and expensive research.

One day the wife came home in extreme excitement. And she said: there is a serious risk that we will have a child with pathologies. “See how many percent! The numbers were underlined in red. – They say you need to do an analysis of amniotic fluid. But for this you need to make a puncture, that is, a puncture, and this can be dangerous. No need, right? I declared that I myself would puncture this Aesculapius. I remembered that doctors always inspire fear, and then it turns out that there was no reason to worry. He was very persuasive. The wife calmed down.

But, I must admit, I thought hard. And if the child is really not completely healthy? Or not healthy at all. Will I be able to love him then? How are we going to live? These questions inevitably arise, but no one has an answer to them. You can’t decide anything until you’re faced with a specific choice. You can scream as much as you like that you will raise a child, whatever it may be, and then give up. In general, until you encounter a problem, all these stupid thoughts must be driven out of your head, and I did it. The next day, a familiar doctor confirmed that the danger was greatly exaggerated, we forgot about the worries.

I did not go to the ultrasound. I know several couples who, having learned about this, would not understand us. They considered it a very important joint event and even dressed up smartly especially for a visit to the doctor. And I didn’t know how to behave. Jump for joy? I didn’t want to. If you appear indifferent, you will upset your wife. Fortunately, my wife supported me in this strategy. The ultrasound picture is, of course, in our photo album – this is the first Machine photo. And now, looking at it, it seems to me that I already see in the divorces not just a silhouette, but the features of my daughter’s face, her smile.

The pregnancy progressed with might and main, but the cow did not appear in the house. My wife’s belly grew, and there were no more external changes. She herself claimed that the skin of her face now looks better, and I readily gasped: “Really! What a beauty!

She wore a stylish tunic, we tried to go out more often: to the cinema, to the theater, to parties. I was pleased to go with her, pleased to take care of her. Many familiar fathers complained about the constant nausea of ​​pregnant wives, their whims: either the smell around is terrible, or serve cherries at three in the morning. I sympathized, but did not understand what they were talking about. Masha was an ideal “fruit”, not giving mom (and, therefore, dad) trouble.

There were inconveniences in everyday life – count on fingers. The first is healthy food. During pregnancy, the wife ate only “properly cooked” foods. This means grass and vegetables made in a double boiler. And I love well-done meat. Cooking steaks at home was unrealistic because of the “terrible smell” when cooking, and when broccoli was not in my throat, I went to eat with friends or in a cafe.

Second, I was deprived of the opportunity to watch TV. I’m only interested in the news. But in the news, you know, there is only licking of the authorities or negativity: traffic accidents, murders and other incidents. The wife considered such a background unacceptable. Now, if the TV was on in the apartment, it showed only family melodramas or doctor’s advice to moms.

We also left early from birthdays and other happy holidays. As soon as I got tipsy, cheerful and went out onto the dance floor, my dear gently took my hand, and we were going home, because she was tired. But I don’t! A couple of times this led to loud conflicts: I could not understand why she should not wait for me at home. “What does lonely mean? Talk to the baby!” I was outraged. However, I began to notice that I myself did not rush anywhere in the evenings. Billiards once every two weeks was enough to feel like a free person. “I’m giving birth, I’ll finish feeding – I’ll come off in full: taverns, solariums, saunas. For a week on a spree, no less,” my wife threatened when I left.

What other problems? Bring some water? What nonsense. Wash floors? We had a small apartment, this is a 15-minute lesson.

At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I was especially worried about the topic of sex. But there were no problems here either. With care, you can make love even up to the ninth month. Feelings became even more complete, touches became more tender and sensual.

In autumn, the most frequent question of friends was the question of whether we would give birth together. Fortunately, my wife and I were of the same opinion: no. We were told that, they say, this is so unifying. We ignored it. It seemed to me that both supporters and opponents of “joint” childbirth have no armor-piercing arguments. The whole question is whether you want it or not. I did not want and did not want to think why.

Recently visited a friend’s daughter’s birthday party. Having already cut the cake, they looked at each other happily: “You should see this, it’s cool!” I immediately said that I was afraid to burst into tears of happiness, and went into another room, and more tactful guests were forced to watch the birth process, filmed by the happy father. They say that from time to time he pointed the camera at his face and yelled into the lens: “Oooooh how!”

…And then came the 8th of December. I wake up and my wife is not around. Suddenly she enters the bedroom, dressed and with a “disturbing suitcase” in her hands: “Let’s go. Began”. I took her to the hospital. She was in labor for 12 hours. I spent the last half an hour at the door of the ward, I guess. She was yelling at the doctors, demanding a “shot”. Soon I was told that I could come and see my daughter.

I’ll be honest, I was shocked. Everyone says: “And mine was very beautiful, and you can immediately see who she looks like.” Guys, this is nonsense. Or you were drunk. A blue-green cub screaming, with bulging eyes without eyelashes – this cannot be beautiful. I left with the suspicion that I was an insensitive brute.

My wife claims that I was a good father from the very beginning. Maybe. I tried to be responsible, spend more time with Masha, I could feed and wash her, so that when my wife decides that the time has come for a spree, she will go into it with a calm soul. And yet, I often wondered if everything was all right with me, why I did not experience euphoria. And I get lost when my daughter cries. We don’t have psychological contact? Now, when three years have passed since the birth of Masha, I completely “dismissed” myself.

I think it takes time to develop an emotional connection, love. You need to see the reactions of your baby, you need him to start thinking, to communicate with you – even if only with laughter or crying. Memories of amusements and misunderstandings are needed. You need him to fall off the couch once when you turn away for a second. It is necessary that the child is “overgrown” with special signs, unique character traits, so that the image of a HUMAN is formed in your head. As long as this person can only lie and yell, this will not happen. You can’t love just because you have to love. This, it seems to me, is important to understand: we are not obliged to feel something almost until the moment of the decision to become pregnant. We do not have to prove to anyone that we will be good parents. Then everything falls into place. Love for a child is something that cannot but appear if you take care of him every day. Be happy!

Alexey Cheremushkin
PHOTO: LEGION-MEDIA

Russians told about whom they love and with whom they create a family

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Society

12. 02 .2010 14:42

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Ekaterina Dobrynina

Physicists, be strong. In the near future, a powerful shaft of lyrics will fall upon you. Valentine’s Day is approaching, and there it is not far from March 8 – with a brief respite on February 23, which some wits have already called “The Ninth Day of St. Valentine.” You, dear physicists, will have to desperately swim out of the turbulent streams of all sorts of uti-way, sussi-pusi, pink hearts and sentimental postcards and spit from hefty doses of “pink, semi-sweet, fortified Valentine’s Day.”

Sociologists have also contributed to the general madness. For the days of universal romance, they prepared several studies at once concerning heart affairs, love throwing and matrimonial plans of our harsh, but sometimes sentimental population.

Russians will be enthusiastic about the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day this year. According to the results of a survey conducted by the research holding “Romir”, 81% of the inhabitants of our country are going to celebrate February 14th.

The All-Russian Center for the Study of Public Opinion (VTsIOM) has published the results of a nationwide survey conducted in January and February 2010. Scientists were interested in what qualities attract us most in the opposite sex, what makes us feel lonely, how we escape from this unpleasant feeling, and how difficult it is to find our “soul mate” in life.

First, about the men seen by the keen female eye. The old adage “the sexiest part of the male body is the brain” came true. 64% of ladies value in men, first of all, the mind, and only 10% – purely external attractiveness. We note right away that the female mind is important only for 33% of men, that is, half as many. But appearance – for as much as 44 percent, and sex appeal – 14% against the female two! Drink water from your face, drink … Do not believe the proverbs, their authors often wishful thinking.

On the other hand, the thesis “everything in the house, everything in the house” has some grounds. Women love decent (61%) and economic (40%) men. The same qualities in women are valued respectively by 30 and 49 percent of Russians of the stronger sex. Ladies, have you reached your conclusions? But in terms of “caring” men and women, in order to keep each other, should be approximately equal. 27% of women and 29% of men named this quality among three possible ones from the list proposed by sociologists.

It is very important for a woman that a man be able to “resist adversity” (17%). Men called this female Russian quality “valuable” only in 5% of cases. So, apparently, instead of tricks with a burning hut and a galloping horse, it would be better for women to look into the hairdresser more often and pacify the vacuum cleaner. And also keep this in mind. Every fifth man (19%) said that he expects “intimacy” from a woman. And among women, only every tenth (11%) gave such an answer. Draw your own conclusions about who is more sentimental and needs “human warmth”.

And, of course, fidelity in a life partner is very important: 27% of women and 33% of men said so. Independence, on the contrary, is not worth the price – 7% and 2%, respectively, appreciated it.

Is it easy to find a mate? A quarter of the respondents believe that it is “extremely difficult.” Another 45% – that “rather difficult.” Only 18% of those who find it easy or very easy. Women in this matter are much more pessimistic than men: 76 percent feel difficulties in finding a companion. A third of Russians are sure that in this case it is much easier for the stronger sex than for the weaker one, the hunter and the beast runs.

The eternal rhetorical and semi-rhetorical question – why do people feel lonely? – Sociologists asked directly and received quite intelligible answers. The cause of this separation, the loss of loved ones, is considered by more than half of the people relatively young and three-quarters of those who are over 60 years old. 40% of Russians attribute personal failures to the peculiarities of people’s character, their isolation and unsociableness. 14% blame the Internet and other technical means of communication for such problems, which emasculate this communication and reduce it to “virtuality”. One in five is sure that loneliness is the result of excessive career zeal and the desire to earn money first of all (“and the girls later”). 17% complain about the lack of free time, 19% – believe that single people simply have too high expectations from partners, they are too “picky”. 27% said that it is generally impossible for people to find a reliable and faithful partner. Young Russians still have plenty of optimism on this score, but middle-aged people seem to be very offended by reality.

True, “people” are one thing, and we ourselves are another matter. When sociologists finally got into the minds of the respondents and directly asked if they personally felt lonely, almost half (48%) answered that they were “definitely not alone.” “Rather not lonely” called themselves 36%. There are only 13% of single people in Russia. True, one thing is bad: this hopeless feeling is twice as likely to be experienced by older people. Rebuke us young people.

In its turn, the study on family and marriage issues was conducted and published by the Levada Center. Sociologists compared the results of similar polls dated 1989 and 2007, that is, in Soviet times and in our “difficult era.”

As it turned out, the majority of Russians create a family primarily in order to continue their family and raise children (61% in 1989 and 57% now). The second reason is that you want to have a person nearby who will understand and support you in any situation (41 and 45%, respectively). The family is a salvation from loneliness, 27 and 32 percent considered, it is in it that comfort and a comfortable life are possible (26-27%).

About a quarter of the respondents are sure that the creation of a cell of society for a person is a “moral duty”. Every fifth (20 and 18%) thought that this is how you can “not part with your loved one.” True, over the years the number of adherents of the idea of ​​”moral duty” has somewhat decreased (by 3%, but still). And from 6 to 10%, the number of people who create a family in order to have a “permanent sexual partner” has increased. In general, people’s views have become somewhat more “free”. In Soviet times, 85% claimed that “every person, sooner or later, must marry, start a family.” Now there are 7% less of them. But those who consider the creation of a family an optional matter and think that it is better not to enter into marriage, but to live alone, has increased by the same 7% (not 12, but 19%).

True, there are fewer of those who are kept from starting a family by everyday difficulties (pots, diapers, shops, etc.) – they are no longer 39%, but only 25, that is, a quarter of the population. Apparently, life has become, if not more fun, then somewhat easier. On the other hand, not 14%, but almost one in four (23%) believe that “family life imposes excessive responsibility.” And not so much material: in comparison with Soviet times, far fewer Russians complained that “you need to work too hard to ensure the well-being of the family” (not 42, but only 34%).