When Women Say Size Doesn’t Matter, They Actually Mean It | by Aliya S. King

When Women Say Size Doesn’t Matter, They Actually Mean It | by Aliya S. King | LEVEL

Once and for all: it’s really (totally) fine!

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Jun 13, 2020

Illustration: Janet Sung

Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.

Before I even begin, let me get one thing out of the way: No column that I write is one-size-fits-all. There…

Written by Aliya S. King

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Aliya S. King is an author, freelance writer and editor.

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20 Women Talk About Whether Or Not Penis Size Matters

We have always been confused if or not size matters for women. We have also wanted to figure out what women need to satisfy their sexual needs. It’s time to toss away another myth, though it is not so much a myth but a perception. We figured the best way to get an answer is to ask women themselves. 

Most men are curious to know what is women’s take on the ideal penis size. Most women had the same reaction when asked- they said, “what difference does it make, they’re not gonna change their size”. Maybe men can’t change their penis size (unless enhancements are up to their alley), but they can definitely change their technique, so size actually doesn’t matter and we don’t mean just small penis size here. Most women face issues with big penises too.

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In a poll carried out recently, the tally revealed that women preferred a small to average penis size in men they see themselves long term with, since reaching orgasm was comfortable and possible with an average sized penis. It was also revealed that women preferred a big penis during a one night stand to stimulate nerve endings in their vagina, instead of making an orgasm their ultimate goal.

So trying to put an end to this eternal confusion we asked 20 women to reveal what their ideal penis size is and if size mattered more than the technique and this is what they had to say (results in the end).

Sanya, 27

I mean it can’t be a Cheetos chip but no, size doesn’t really matter unless it’s a really big di*k. That scares me but if the guy makes me comfortable, then it’s all cool.

Sanjana, 28 (name changed)

Yes, size matters. There’s no skill without a tool and even the best of tools are useless without skill. I met a guy who sprung up with his 7.5 inches. I wanted to run. Because there is only so much your body can take. Besides, he was kind of behaving like an ogre, if you know what I mean.

The I also met one with a 5 inch one (I think) he got the skill right but I think there was room for more. So, the length and girth. Possibly girth more than length. How they wield it is also important. But yes, size matters. Not much you can do with an earthworm and a fist-ish will most definitely destroy you.

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Ritika, 30

It actually depends on a lot of factors. I am short person, so for me a big penis is a little difficult. I mean not because it has problems finding its way but it hurts in the, “you’re hurting my stomach kinda way”. If it’s too small, it gets lost in my pubes. So I prefer an average size that gets the ‘job’ done.

Gia, 32

My ex had a small one but his girth was just about right. It was thick. So even though his penis didn’t extend more than 5 inches (when it was hard), the girth made it possible for me to climax. Plus he had these moves that compensated for his size. Small penises aren’t bad at all if the man knows how to use it.

© Thinkstock/Getty Images

Garima, 30 (name changed)

Both actually. but technique more than size. If you don’t know how to make love to a woman, you will not make her orgasm even with the biggest dick in the world. Having said that, even the most skilled lover might fall short of pleasing their woman, if they are too small.  

Most women do not orgasm from penetration, proving technique (foreplay and much more) is more important than size. Also, if size was more important than technique, penis enhancement procedures and condoms would have been more popular than articles telling men how to make women orgasm.

Preeti, 36

One guy was just too big for me. That’s the day I realised big penises mean shit, actually. He probably didn’t know what to do with it himself and he kept ramming me like hitting the bottom of a sauce bottle, to get it to come out. I could feel his whole body inside me. Size does matter and big penises are hard to figure! I prefer average and technique.

Vrinda, 30 (name changed)

I have had a range of sizes and in my experience, skill compensates for the lack of size, any day. Also, size or no size, the quality of sex or what a guy does with a woman in the sack depends largely on what he feels for her or how generous or selfish he is in bed. Big di*k’s, small di*k’s: orgasms have more to do with the effort men make to get their ladies off sometimes, instead of just the length and girth of their little man.

Nandini, 25

This one guy I was with kept showing his big penis off. His words “look at this big di*k. does it turn you on”? And it really didn’t turn me on because he kept showing off. It was like all talk and no action. He wasn’t good in bed at all. So no, penis size has nothing to do with how good or bad the sex is.

Maampi 24 (name changed)

I think both size and technique matter because there are some women who like crazy fetishes and want their guys to give them complete pleasure in bed. So if you look at it, technique is equally important and foreplay is a must. Eventually, of course size does matter.

Aashna, 33

This guy’s penis was actually the size of a chap stick. I couldn’t even feel him inside me! It was bad. I feel bad saying this because he’s a nice guy and he tried real hard but I prefer a big one I guess.

Pratichi, 26

I think men with big dicks are way more confident and you can see that confidence ooze out while in bed with them. So even if you don’t climax, they give you a good time.

Megha, 33

For me it’s not about size. If a man can give me some good loving, I absolutely have no qualms about how big or small his penis is. Also FYI, a penis is not the only way to make a girl cum!

Tamanna, 28

I don’t want a thumb for a penis size! Other than that size, any other is just about fine.

Mainika, 24

I have no issues with size. I just don’t want to see a bent penis! Yes, they exist and it freaks me out. Other than that, if the man is big or small really doesn’t matter. All that matters is how he uses his tool.

Ragini, 30 (name changed)

Size, definitely. There’s no such thing as bad sex, actually, except when there’s no sensation. Which is what happens if it’s too small. You don’t even feel it. What’s the point in that? But, if the guy well-endowed, then he doesn’t need to work very hard, and neither do you.

© Thinkstock/Getty Images

Apeksha, 38

In my experience with men, I’ve come to realise size is not too important. I have been with a lot of men, with different shapes and sizes. If the penis is too big, it barely does the work but still satiates you. If it’s too small, the guy compensates that with his extraordinary moves. So size really isn’t the question as much as technique is. Guys really shouldn’t be insecure with their size. If they tank in bed because of bad technique, that’s something of concern.

Malini, 30

I have a petite frame and I think guys with big di*ks are overrated. Average vagina’s are only 3-4 inches deep, so if a big penis man penetrates that, he can only come halfway through. It’s quite a waste. Besides, it becomes quite painful to take in a big penis for someone as petite as me. My vote is for an average sized penis, any day!

© Thinkstock/Getty Images

Malvika, 29 (name changed)

Although, a vagina can expand almost 200% of its average depth, a mighty huge penis can’t reach the clit properly for an orgasm. Average sized penises usually find their way hassle free. A big penis might be good to look at and a great ego boost for a man but they fall short to make ends meet, if you know what I mean. I have been with men who’ve sprung out their 5 inch di*ks at me and have used them very well!

Richa, 27 (name changed)

Technique for me, always. Size doesn’t matter!

Priya, 25

As long as I don’t have to ask if it’s in, I am happy!

Naintara,32

When I think about the good sex I have had and the bad sex I have had, the two experiences have no correlation with penis sizes, whatsoever! So I’d say, size doesn’t matter!

© Thinkstock/Getty Images

Results:

Size does not matter as much as technique does: 7

I like big penises: 6

Average sized penis does the trick: 5

I am okay with a small sized penis: 2

So, in this expansive study, women mostly supported technique to be the genesis of making women reach orgasm. The size of the penis matters but not as much as to make her reach climax. A lot of women may like big penises but more than the length the girth matters. The right girth and penis size can do wonders for women and of course, good technique plays a vital role in doing so too. Otherwise, most women prefer average Indian male, with an average sized penis, wins the lucky draw!

A British therapist explained whether penis size should be worrying about

Even before Sigmund Freud, the world could hardly do without discussing a juicy topic: the size of a man’s penis did not leave in peace, probably, both rulers and simple male workers. But the shame from the discussion did not allow me to look at everything honestly and openly. Here are the main factors to consider.

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Is sexual contact acceptable before marriage? Or do both man and woman have to wait years? Share your opinion in the comments!

The simple answer given by many girls and biologists is no, “what you do with your organ matters. ” However, some men still firmly believe that their penis is not big enough and that if they had a bigger penis, they would be better lovers. Charlotte Simpson, an accredited psychosexual therapist and relationship consultant with a private practice in North West London, has dotted all the i’s so that men can finally become more confident and not worry about their penis.

Measuring the penis will not change the size, so ask yourself why measure it? If you find out that your penis is in the “mid range”, will that assuage your fears? What will you do if you find that it is actually less than average? Unfortunately, many men try to increase the size of the penis with the help of various interventions, which can be invasive, expensive, but the person’s sense of self will still not change. The solution, most likely, will be a change in attitude towards yourself and your penis, in other words, you need to learn to love what you have.

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Average penis size and girls’ opinions

Studies show that the average adult’s penis is about 13 cm long when erect (meanwhile, about 45% of men think their penis is too small). Some studies show that men place more importance on size than their women. As a rule, it is more important that the partner be gentle and caring. So, not only penis size, but also knowing how your partner likes to be touched and caressed contributes to better sex.

The belief that the priority is the penetration of a giant penis is not quite close to reality. In fact, for women, most of the pleasant sensations do not come from inside the vagina, but outside, in the clitoris, where the most sensitive parts of the female body are located. By the way, during intercourse, the woman’s vagina adapts to the partner’s penis, deepening, expanding, and vice versa. Some note that a smaller penis is often preferable for oral and anal sex.

Ownership of the penis

Psychosexual therapist Charlotte Simpson’s advice: make friends with your penis. If you see the penis as your enemy, always letting you down and embarrassing you, then you won’t be able to form positive feelings about your body and sexual relationships. Think about what conditions can improve the performance of your penis: sobriety, sufficient and proper stimulation, proper nutrition, sports are a few influencing factors.

If you are overweight, try to get rid of it with a healthy diet and regular exercise. Not only will you feel better, but your penis will also appear larger without being surrounded by fat. Some men find that removing pubic hair makes their penis more visible.

Sex

Worrying about the size of your penis can lead to erection problems. Good sex is all about being comfortable and relaxed, focusing only on the physical sensations you are having with your partner. You may have a smaller than average penis, but that shouldn’t stop you from having relationships and having good sex. Like all parts of the body, penises come in many shapes and sizes.

When upright, many of them have a natural curve and point in different directions. Pornography is a common source for comparing one’s size and one’s sex life. Given that male porn actors are often hired for their extraordinarily large penises, comparing your body to theirs is not relevant, and certainly won’t make you feel better. It is worth considering that porn films are always staged and have little in common with real sexual contact.

Sexologist’s answer to the question: “Does size matter?”

To begin with, I will say right away that there is such a myth that sexologists believe that size does not matter. It is not true. In my work, I constantly encounter clients’ questions about penis size. Therefore, I had to seriously understand this topic. Fortunately, the education of a sexologist, gynecologist and andrologist allows you to study this issue from different angles, and practical experience – to make sure the conclusions are correct. I will try to answer this question as objectively as possible.

Let’s start with general information.

According to various studies, the average length of the penis of a sexually mature man in a state of erection ranges from 13-15 cm, the average circumference is 10-13. 5 cm (please do not confuse the circumference with the diameter). In the population, there are men with micropenises less than 7 cm and penises over 30 cm, but these are rather exceptions.

The average length of a sexually mature woman’s vagina is between 7 and 12 cm. The walls of the vagina are very elastic and can stretch quite a lot (for example, during childbirth). During intercourse, the size of the vagina tends to adjust to the size of the partner’s penis.

How to measure your penis correctly:

Measurements are made in a comfortable environment, at room temperature (20-25 degrees), each time with the same measuring device.

Length measurement:

1. Stand up straight (you can see the result later by bringing a centimeter closer to your eyes).

2. Place the most erect member parallel to the floor.

3. Firmly hold a ruler or measuring tape to the surface of the penis from above, pressing a little against the pubic bone (to avoid the error caused by the fat layer). It is better to use a ruler or centimeter for measurement, where “0” on the scale starts immediately from the edge.

4. Measure from the point of contact with the pubis to the top of the urethra.

Circumference measurement:

It is measured at three points: just below the glans penis, in the middle of the body and at the base of the penis, and is determined as the arithmetic mean of three measurements.

Measurements are taken at least 3 times a day (morning, afternoon and evening) for 3 days. Then the arithmetic mean is determined, which most closely corresponds to the true size of the penis.

More about women’s and men’s points of view on this issue

It turns out that there are different views on the issue of the size of a man’s penis.

So, the point of view of women

On the Internet, the opinion most often cited is that women believe that the size of the penis does not matter, the main thing is how a man uses it.

I would like to explain the situation a little. Feelings during sex are more influenced by: the emotional mood for a given man (love, passion), the degree of arousal at the moment, a comfortable environment, the quality of foreplay, posture, the usefulness of an erection, the intensity and duration of frictions (movements of the penis).

If we talk about size, studies have shown that women practically do not feel the difference when introducing objects of different lengths in the range from 12 to 15 cm, but clearly notice a change in the diameter of the introduced object . Therefore, if the length of the penis, which “fits” into the average parameters, is not so important, then the diameter definitely matters. The reason for this is that most of the sensitive areas are located at the entrance and along the anterior third of the vagina (approximately 5 centimeters).

Why some women say that size matters, while others do not.

The fact is that the first group includes women in whom vaginal stimulation causes very pleasant sensations, and even more so those who experience vaginal orgasm.

To the second – women for whom vaginal stimulation is not so pleasant and who experience orgasm only from clitoral stimulation. As well as women with myotonic (myocompression) orgasm, in which the clitoris and vagina may generally be insensitive.

And what if the penis is more than 15 centimeters.

Observations have shown that women during sex with men who have a fairly long penis may experience discomfort or pain when it is inserted deeply and / or abruptly (for example, in the knee-elbow position). Soreness is associated with irritation of the peritoneum and displacement of internal organs. By the way, many women note that more often discomfort appears or intensifies when they are not sufficiently excited. From a scientific point of view, this is due to the fact that with strong arousal, the pain threshold decreases by about 2-2. 5 times.

Naturally, repeated discomfort and pain lead to fear, which causes reflex spasm, which increases the discomfort, often resulting in decreased libido and avoidance of sexual intercourse. If women for some reason do not part with a partner, then, in the end, they come to see doctors with dyspareunia (painful sexual intercourse). I will make a reservation right away that special methods for correcting this problem have long been developed, and there is no need to wait until the situation becomes critical.

Although, again, there are women who prefer men with “large sizes” .

When we examined them, we found out several features:

1. Most of these women had or have a partner with a fairly large penis and, although at the initial stage of the relationship there was discomfort, but then they adapted, but began to “feel” men with average sizes worse.

2. In some of them, the highly sensitive areas are quite deep in the posterior fornix or in the region of the bladder neck.

3. They more often associate a man’s large penis size with his level of “masculinity” and attractiveness.

The opposite situation – the penis is less than 13 centimeters.

Clarifications are also needed here. These men can be divided into 3 groups:

1. Less than 7 cm , also called a micropenis. As a rule, it occurs in men with hormonal insufficiency (hormones of the pituitary gland and testosterone) during puberty. At the present stage of development of medicine, this problem should be identified and addressed at an early stage. As a rule, such men have multiple problems in relationships with women. We will talk about correction methods later.

2. Penis size 7 to 11 cm . The reasons are usually the same as in the previous group. Such men are rare with women, but when they manage to build trusting relationships against the backdrop of mutual love, they can live a full sexual life, especially with women for whom the size of the penis does not matter.

3. Penis size over 11 cm . These are already men with a full size, especially if the penis circumference is within the conventional norm. The main problem is their internal complexes, which often interfere with building harmonious relationships.

Women’s point of view on the “small” size of the penis is also ambiguous.

Some think it’s a problem:

1. Small size is a sign of immaturity.

2. Men with a small penis have more complexes.

3. There are restrictions in postures, and the penis often “falls out”.

4. Lack of sensation (especially for those for whom size matters).

5. There is a subconscious fear (rarely, fortunately) that if a couple has a son, he may also have a small penis.

Other small dimensions are not considered a problem:

1. Men with a small penis often compensate for “lack of size” with greater tenderness, more skillful in foreplay, can fully satisfy a woman, including in other ways.

2. They are often more faithful, because they feel insecure with women and are afraid that they might be laughed at.

3. Ideal for women who put humanity first and sex is less important.

4. Preferred option for women who experience physical discomfort due to various reasons.

With a penis diameter of , everything is much simpler: most women do not care much about its circumference, but still they prefer men with a fairly “voluminous” penis. Again, there are extreme cases where a very thick penis can cause pain, while a thin penis does not provide sufficient stimulation.

Also surveys have shown that the majority of women perceive a medium and large size penis as more attractive from an aesthetic point of view . But the size did not affect their satisfaction with sexual life.

Most of all women are “annoyed” by the fact that men who believe that they have an insufficient size of the penis (even if they are not) are very complex about this and behave either excessively shy or deliberately aggressive.

Some more statistics:

Next, consider the opinion of men

Men’s attitude to their penis is indicated by how they often call it – Manhood!

According to statistics, more than half of men are not satisfied with the size of their penis. There are various objective and subjective reasons for this:

1. Probably, the relation of man to the size of the genitals was influenced by the fact that, according to Darwin’s theory, he descended from great apes. Observations of scientists have shown that female monkeys prefer males with larger genitals, as this is a sign of a higher level of sex hormones and indirectly reflects his fertility. And males regularly show each other an erect penis as a sign of dominance and aggression.

2. Since childhood, men voluntarily or involuntarily compare the size of their genitals with other men.

3. There are a huge number of myths that a woman’s pleasure is directly related to the size of the penis, and men with a “large” are most attractive to most women.

4. A huge amount of information has accumulated on the Internet that forms and maintains a complex of “insufficient” penis size. This is very beneficial for companies that earn a lot of money for those who want to increase their penis, often offering useless or ineffective tools and techniques.

Methods of penis correction and evaluation of their effectiveness

1. Hormonal preparations.

Widely used to treat hypogonadism in boys. Most men with a small penis have a history or examination of low testosterone levels.

Administration of testosterone and gonadotropic hormones is effective only during puberty . Therefore, it is important that the boy has problems identified at the earliest possible stage and adequate therapy is prescribed.

In adulthood, these drugs no longer affect the growth of the penis. For example, in men who are engaged in bodybuilding and use these drugs, there was no increase in the size of the genitals. Most of the studies that allegedly talk about the effect of certain forms of testosterone (including topical application) on the tissues of the penis have no evidence base and are beneficial to the manufacturer of this drug.

2. Non-hormonal drugs and substances for oral administration.

I can immediately disappoint: today there is neither a natural nor an artificial substance, the intake of which can affect the size of the penis. The largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, including the American Pfizer (which created Viagra), have officially recognized this fact. Imagine how much money they could earn on this if the experiment was successful!

And you understand, any substance that a person takes orally affects the entire body. With the same success, you can drink drugs for local growth of the nose or lips.

At best, these drugs can affect the quality of erections, causing a subjective feeling that the size has become larger.

3. Various creams, ointments, gels, sprays that are applied directly to the penis.

The Internet is full of advertisements for “miraculous” remedies, after application of which the penis grows “by leaps and bounds” in just a few days.

First, such growth is physically impossible.

Secondly, at best, they have a local irritating effect and affect blood flow, which improves the quality of erection and creates an illusion that the penis has become larger.

All studies of these tools have shown their low effectiveness, positive reviews are most often written by the sellers themselves, and the photos confirming the result of the work are processed in Photoshop.

There are only a few safe products on the market that have been developed by scientists (Russian!), whose effectiveness has been proven by clinical studies. Two main effects were identified – an improvement in local blood flow and an increase in the elasticity of the walls of the cavernous bodies of the penis. But they all “work” only in combination with mechanical action.

4. Conservative methods.

Basically, these include methods of mechanical action on the penis.

All methods can be divided into 2 groups manual (by hand) and hardware.

1. Manual: Numerous methods of penis self-massage, stretching and stretching options and, as one of the private options, Jelqing (“milking”).

2. Hardware:

1) Using different models of extenders – special devices that stretch the penis, which a man wears for several hours a day. The main disadvantage: as a rule, the length increases and the diameter changes little.

2) Vacuum pump is a special flask in which the penis is placed, and the base is firmly pressed against the pubis, air is pumped out of the flask and blood flows to the penis due to negative pressure.

Plus is one of the most effective methods that affects both the length and diameter, plus the quality of erection and blood flow in the pelvic area improves.

Minus – it is necessary to strictly observe the methodology, since insufficient pressure does not give a result, and excessive pressure leads to injury. Therefore, most of the devices sold in sex shops are not suitable for this purpose.

5. Surgical methods

Today there are clear indications for penis enlargement surgery:

Medical indications: epispadias, hypospadias, Peyronie’s disease, cavernous fibrosis, consequences of trauma, micropenis.

Functional indications: excess subcutaneous fat in the womb, buried, hidden penis, membranous penis.

Aesthetic indications: penile dysmorphophobia (dissatisfaction with the size and shape of the penis).

If we consider the last point, then we can distinguish two main areas: operations to increase the length and operations to increase the thickness.

The most common lengthening operation : Ligamentotomy is an operation to enlarge the male penis by cutting the ligament of the penis. After the operation, it is recommended to use an extender for several months to “stretch” the part of the penis behind the pubic bone.

One of the “unpleasant” moments, which surgeons say little about, but I met with this consequence in practice, is that the penis becomes more “mobile”, often falls out of the vagina during sex and presses less on the anterior wall.

To increase the diameter of the penis , the following operations are performed:

1. Lipofilling – injection of the patient’s own fat into the subcutaneous space of the penis.

2. Moving part of the muscle under the skin of the penis.

3. Non-surgical methods of increasing the diameter, but carried out by doctors, include the introduction of hyaluronic acid and other substances that are widely used in cosmetology. The effect lasts for about 1 year.

After an operation or procedure, the diameter of the penis becomes larger, but with a fairly soft surface. Some women compare their sensations to “sex with a sausage.”

For penis length reduction , surgery is usually not performed.

For diameter reduction Circumcision can be performed – circumcision of the foreskin of the penis.

All doctors warn: before you decide on a penis enlargement surgery, you need to think carefully and weigh the pros and cons. You understand that the consequences are usually irreversible.

My practical experience

As a rule, men with a really small penis rarely come to see a sexologist about penis size. Basically, men who “earned” a complex in childhood or against the background of relationships with women apply (unfortunately, I often come across the fact that some women, in order to take revenge on a man for some kind of insults, “hit” on the most painful place – “between the legs”).

First of all, we understand the causes and select special methods (there are a lot of them in sexology), which allow you to get rid of psychological complexes associated with sexual life.

If a man develops real problems against the background of self-doubt and, as a rule, insufficient sexual experience: sexual failure anxiety syndrome, problems with ejaculation control , we provide appropriate treatment.

In cases where dissatisfaction with size has real reasons, or a man’s desire to enlarge the penis is conscious, then a special course of conservative therapy is carried out, which allows you to objectively increase the size of the penis.

In the process of practice, we have selected the optimal combination of several of the most effective methods of mechanical action and local means (which, by the way, were developed jointly with scientists from the Ural Branch of the Russian Academy of Sciences), which contribute to the “growth” of the penis. This approach allows for a fairly short time (up to 3 months) to achieve a stable increase in the size of the penis by 2-3 cm in length and 1-2 cm in circumference, as well as improve the quality of erection, which naturally has a positive effect on a man’s self-esteem and quality sexual life.

Today, we have combined all our best practices and the latest world achievements in this area into a separate program “INCREASING THE SIZE OF THE PENIS”, which allowed many men to quickly and effectively solve this very delicate problem.

Before starting therapy, we immediately stipulate that it is undesirable to increase the penis by more than 4 cm in length and more than 3 cm in circumference, as this can lead to a decrease in the quality of erection (vessels that provide blood flow may “not cope” ). By the way, the problem of insufficient rigidity of the penis during sex is more often addressed by men with larger “larger” sizes.

To summarize

1. Men attach more importance to the size of the penis, as it affects their self-esteem.

2. There are women for whom size really matters, but they are in the minority.

3. For most women, it’s not the size that matters, but the quality of the relationship and the partner’s desire to please her.

4. A man’s complex about the size of his penis can prevent him and his partner from building harmonious relationships.

5. Most widely advertised penis enlargement products are ineffective.

6. It is desirable to carry out surgical methods of correction only according to indications and be aware of the possible consequences.

And, perhaps, the most important thing: nature is very harmonious in its diversity. This also applies to the size of the penis.