Signs of Domestic Violence I Psych Central

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Recognizing domestic violence can be challenging — but there are signs to look out for.

Domestic violence can come in many forms. It could involve sexual abuse, financial abuse, or the often subtle emotional abuse.

It can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, or race. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that more than 10 million people — men and women — are affected by domestic violence each year.

Not every situation will look the same, making it difficult to recognize.

If you’re in a domestic violence situation, understanding the most common signs of domestic violence can help you navigate this situation.

While the term “domestic violence” often refers to intimate partner violence, it could also include elder abuse, child abuse, and any other kind of abuse within a home or family unit.

The abuse could be psychological, emotional, financial, physical, or sexual.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse includes directly hurting someone physically. It could also include threats to hurt you or your children, pets, or loved ones.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse refers to any type of sexual-related abuse, including sexual violence and assault.

This type of abuse could also include patterns of sexual coercion — for example, you might be manipulated into sexual activity by a partner who threatens to hurt you.

It’s important to note that elder abuse could also encompass sexual abuse.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to recognize — it can be subtle and covert. It can come in the form of actions or words from anyone, even a boss or co-worker.

Two of the most common forms of emotional abuse are gaslighting and projection.

It could include:

• attempts to control you and your behavior
• humiliating you
• insulting or belittling you
• putting down your interests, career, and/or relationships
• manipulating you through emotional blackmail or guilt-tripping you
• blaming you for their issues
• accusing you of cheating or not loving them
• outbursts, especially when you don’t do what they want
• isolating you from loved ones

Emotional abuse could also be a component of other forms of abuse.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse includes restricting a person’s access to their own money. You might be forced to depend on the person who’s abusing you for financial needs.

This often makes it difficult to leave a violent situation.

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The symptoms of domestic violence vary depending on the type of abuse. While some types of abuse leave visible scars and bruises, others do not.

Physical signs of domestic abuse

A person being physically abused might have frequent injuries and bruises.

Signs of physical abuse could include:

• black eyes
• bruises on the arms, limbs, or neck
• sprained wrists
• broken bones
• unexplained pain

A person who is being physically abused might be unable to explain what caused their injuries, or their explanations might seem shaky and inconsistent.

They might attempt to cover up their injuries by wearing heavy makeup or more clothing than usual such as a scarf or long-sleeved shirt when it’s hot.

They might also cancel events or avoid seeing people until their injuries heal.

Emotional signs of domestic abuse

All types of domestic abuse could impact a person emotionally.

If a person is in a domestic violence situation, you might notice changes in their behavior, such as:

• increased levels of anxiety
• increased levels of irritability and anger
• low self-esteem
• seeming more fearful, including flinching at sudden movements or sounds
• lack of interest in usual hobbies or activities
• fatigue and lack of energy
• increased crying
• seeming more sad, tearful, or numb
• suicidal ideation

These symptoms don’t necessarily prove that someone is being abused. There could be another explanation, including a recent trauma or loss.

Behavioral signs of domestic abuse

As a result of the abuse, a person’s behavior might change. This could include:

• sleeping too much or too little
• change in appetite
• using substances, such as drugs and alcohol, more often
• isolating themselves from loved ones
• withdrawing from social events
• avoiding activities/events they usually enjoy

Not every domestic abuse survivor will display these symptoms. There’s no one way to feel or act after abuse, and everybody reacts differently.

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It isn’t always easy to tell whether someone is violent unless you see the violence yourself (or are told by someone who has witnessed or experienced it).

Although it isn’t always clear why people abuse, a person who abuses might:

• feel the need to control their partner, children, and others
• fear being abandoned or left vulnerable
• feel powerless
• have low-self esteem

However, these characteristics aren’t conclusive. There might be many reasons why a person is abusive or violent toward others.

If you think you might have a problem with violence, consider speaking with a mental health professional.

Domestic violence could have short- and long-term impacts.

In the short-term, domestic violence could lead to:

• feelings of shame and guilt
• feelings of fear and anxiety
• difficulty concentrating
• nightmares
• tense, painful muscles
• irritability and moodiness

In the long term, domestic violence could contribute to the development of the following mental health conditions:

• depression
• anxiety disorders
• eating disorders
• post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• insomnia
• substance use disorder
• suicidal ideation

There’s no “right way” to feel or act after experiencing abuse. Not all victims will be affected in the same way.

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If you’re in a domestic violence situation, there are steps you can take to try to navigate the situation until you can safely leave.

It might be a good idea to:

• talk with someone you trust about your situation
• develop an exit plan
• connect with a local shelter
• speak with a loved one who might be able to help you leave
• seek the help of a therapist or join a support group

The National Domestic Violence Hotline has an excellent tool to help you create a safety plan.

Once you’re in a safe place, try to take photos of any injuries you have as close to when they happened as possible. It’s important to note that if you take photos, it’s a good idea to take them yourself or have another adult take them for you.

Taking screenshots of text messages and saving voicemail messages could also be helpful later on.

The signs of domestic violence can vary from one situation to the next. No matter the nature of the abuse, it’s not your fault.

If you or somebody you know is in an abusive relationship, help is available.

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (SAFE) or text “Start” to 88788.

Some other helpful resources you could try include:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline
• National Center for Victims of Crime
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• Pathways to Safety International
• Hope Recovery
• Casa de Esperanza (Spanish-speaking hotline)
• National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center
• Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence
• The National Center on Violence Against Women in the Black Community
• National LGBTQ Task Force

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence, Why Victims Stay, How to Get Help

Written by William Moore

• Signs of Abuse
• Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused
• Are the Signs Different for Men?
• Are the Signs Different for the LGBTQ Community?
• What to Do if You’re Being Abused
• What to Do if You Think Someone Is Being Abused
• More

They’re not always as obvious as you might think. That’s because domestic abuse is about controlling someone’s mind and emotions as much as hurting their body. Being abused can leave you scared and confused. It can be hard for you to see your partner’s actions for what they really are.

Usually, physical abuse isn’t what comes first. The abuse can creep up slowly. A putdown here or there. An odd excuse to keep you away from family or friends. The violence often ramps up once you’ve been cut off from other people. By then, you feel trapped.

If you’re afraid of your partner, that’s a big red flag. You may be scared to say what you think, to bring up certain topics, or to say no to sex. No matter the reason, fear has no place in a healthy relationship.

If you feel like you’re being abused, there’s a good chance you may be, and it’s worth getting help. Keep that in mind as you think about these signs:

Your partner bullies, threatens, or controls you:

• Accuses you of having an affair
• Blames you for abuse
• Criticizes you
• Tells you what to wear and how you should look
• Threatens to kill you or someone close to you
• Throws things or punches walls when angry
• Yells at you and makes you feel small

Your partner controls your money:

• Keeps cash and credit cards from you
• Puts you on an allowance and makes you explain every dollar you spend
• Keeps you from working whatever job you want
• Steals money from you or your friends
• Won’t let you have money for basic needs like food and clothes

Your partner cuts you off from family and friends:

• Keeps close tabs on where you go and whom you go with
• Makes you ask for an OK to see friends and family
• Embarrasses you in front of others, and it makes you want to avoid people

Your partner physically abuses you:

• Abandons you in a place you don’t know
• Attacks you with weapons
• Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
• Locks you in or out of your house
• Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair

Your partner sexually abuses you:

• Forces you to have sex
• Makes you dress in a sexual way
• Makes you feel like you owe them sex
• Tries to give you an STD
• Won’t use condoms or other birth control

Keep an eye out for things like:

• Excuses for injuries
• Personality changes, like low self-esteem in someone who was always confident
• Constantly checking in with their partner
• Never having money on hand
• Overly worried about pleasing their partner
• Skipping out on work, school, or social outings for no clear reason
• Wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer to cover bruises

They’re often the same. And that’s true whether the abusive partner is a woman or another man. It may be emotional or verbal, like taking away keys, medicines, or other essentials. Or things like constantly putting you down in public or on social media.

And, it can be physical. To make up for differences in strength, abusive partners may try to attack you in your sleep, by surprise, or with weapons and other objects. They may also abuse your children or pets.

Again, there’s a lot in common, but the abuse may also target sexual orientation or gender identity. Your abuser may:

• Make excuses for abuse, like it’s just how men are or that you wanted it to happen
• Tell you that police or others won’t help because of your gender or orientation
• Tell you that you’re not really how you identify
• Threaten to out you to family, friends, and others

First, know that you deserve better and that this isn’t your fault. If you’re in an emergency, call 911.

It can be hard to decide whether to stay or leave. That’s why it may help to start with a call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). Call from a friend’s house or somewhere else where you feel safe.

You can also turn to friends, family, neighbors, your doctor, or your spiritual community.

Also make sure you have an emergency escape plan:

• Hide a set of car keys.
• Pack a bag with keys, extra clothes, important papers, money, and medicines. You might keep it at a friend’s house.
• Have a plan for calling the police in an emergency. You might have a code word so your kids, family, friends, or co-workers know you’re in danger.
• Know where you’ll go and how you’ll get there.

Say something. You might have your doubts. But if you’re thinking about it, there’s usually a reason. Someone’s life could be in danger.

When you talk to the person, you can:

• Ask if anything is wrong
• Talk specifically about what concerns you
• Listen carefully
• Let the person know you’re always there to talk and that your conversations are always private
• Offer to help
• Support the person’s choices

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Psychologists have listed signs of domestic violence in the family

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Women are often reluctant to share with loved ones that they have become victims of violence in their own family. Psychologist Maria Merkulova explained by what signs it is possible to determine that it is time to save a victim of violence.

According to the psychologist, the first sign is that the woman, in fact being a victim, presents herself as a savior.

For example, a drunken husband raised his hand to his wife. In this case, she is, of course, the victim.

But in the morning the wife told the faithful everything that she thinks about him, brought pills and brine. This gave her the opportunity to feel her own importance, to enter the role of a savior, educator and even an aggressor.

Such a family is worth paying attention to. Perhaps there is violence in it. If not physical, then psychological, and this is also a dangerous situation.

The second sign is the presence of bruises and abrasions.

The woman will most likely try to hide these traces. If they do show up, she will claim that she was scratched by a cat, she fell, and so on. Of course, these damages can be accidental. But, if injuries began to occur more and more often, it is worth thinking about their true origin.

The third sign is a sudden change of mood.

A woman can be depressed and sad, and then suddenly cheer up and even fall into euphoria. Such differences often indicate that a woman periodically acts as a victim, then as a savior.

The fourth sign indicating unhealthy relationships in the family is a sharp weight loss.

Victims of violence very often lose all interest in food, stop eating or take it in insufficient quantities.

The fifth warning signal – a woman stops attending collective events, avoids communication with her friends, although such behavior was unusual for her before.

She justifies herself with the standard phrase: “The husband won’t let me.”

The sixth sign is material dependence.

When a wife has no money of her own, and all finances are under the control of her husband, she can get into an extremely unpleasant situation. A spouse often considers himself entitled to demand an account for every penny spent. Most likely, from time to time he shows aggression towards a woman.

Another clear sign is that the victim comes up with an excuse for the aggressor. For example, she convinces herself that her husband did not let her meet her classmates because he loves her very much. Beat – “he just couldn’t help it.” The psychologist claims that such an attitude towards violence appears in childhood, when a child tries to justify the behavior of his parents.

The eighth symptom is pathological male jealousy.

This feeling indicates that the partner is not sure of himself. And violence is the easiest way to demonstrate who is in charge in the family.

Another evidence of domestic violence is men’s grievances. The husband, at every opportunity, reminds his wife of all the situations in which he considered himself offended, often tells her “it’s all because of you”, “it’s your fault”, “you are obliged. ” Life with such men is fraught with trouble, because they are capable of violence, just for the time being they may not show their inclinations.

As AiF writes, if the behavior of a loved one has changed, and he began to behave like a victim, this means that there is an aggressor next to him. Psychologist Maria Merkulova advises to provide support to people who have become victims of domestic violence.

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This is (not) your business. How do you know if you’re a victim of domestic violence? They often lie to their surroundings, shielding the offender. But there are signs by which you can determine that in front of you is a person who needs help

Journalist Diana Sadreeva wrote the book “You’re not to blame: Why domestic violence is not about love.” It is based on 50 interviews with women who have experienced abuse in its various manifestations. The book is coming out the other day by Alpina Publisher. Forbes Woman publishes a piece on how to understand that you are a victim of domestic violence and how you can delicately offer your help.

The room was dark: a streetlight shining through the window pane cast a warm yellow light on the space. Sleep would not come, and the only thing left for me to do was turn to the wall, look at the drawings on the pink wallpaper of my girl’s room and listen to the silence. I remember well how in the middle of the night a noise was heard from somewhere above – it looked like a stool had fallen on the floor. One sharp sound was followed by another, then another, and finally, a drawn-out female scream. Voices, male and female, mixed into a single mess: it was not clear who exactly was screaming and why. I looked out into the corridor, listened to the sounds and went to my parents’ bedroom.

“Mommy,” I called as I opened the door.

Mom was sitting on the edge of the bed and was also listening intently. She turned at the creaking of the door:

— Why aren’t you sleeping? Go to sleep.

— Mom… what’s that noise?

– Pay no attention. Go to bed,” she repeated, and I left.

It’s been over twenty years since I first encountered that sound. I moved through several cities, countless cheap rooms and expensive apartments, and – no matter where I ended up – sooner or later I almost always heard the same thing: a sharp noise, a scream, a muffled fuss. These women can be seen everywhere – outwardly different, they scream in exactly the same way, they are afraid, they feel. Mini-market saleswomen, trolley bus conductors, primary school teachers, high-ranking officials, my relatives and best friends. ..

The victim of psychological pressure or physical violence constantly reports to the other half, does everything according to his orders, tries in every possible way to please him. She often speaks of him with apprehension or shows fear, often justifies the character of her partner, blames herself or treats the situation kindly, with a smile.

The main warning signs are changes in behavior (a sociable person in the past becomes withdrawn), unwillingness to communicate and go out without a second half, unexpected conversations about divorce or suicide, which just as unexpectedly end.

People who are physically abused may:

• talk about themselves, “I’m so clumsy, I’m always bumping into things,” talk about regular “accidents,” or lie with excuses out of proportion to the damage done: for example, “We were playing with a kid and I hit the bed,” though the facial bruising doesn’t exactly look like the result of such an injury;

• often miss work, school, social events without explanation, wear unseasonable closed clothing or sunglasses indoors.

People who are forced into isolation may:

• rarely appear in society without a spouse;

• meeting relatives and friends less and less;

• have limited access to money, credit cards, cars.

If you notice any of these signs, don’t be afraid to appear intrusive and unceremonious, don’t convince yourself that it’s none of your business, that you might be wrong. Yes, you can really be wrong, then it will be enough to apologize and continue to live as if nothing had happened. But sometimes your silence can cost a human life. When I started collecting stories, I tried to stay non-interventionist. It turned out bad. Women sent photographs, audio messages with threats addressed to them, and videos of beatings; several times, shocked by what I saw and pained by empathy, I quit working on the book.

In doing so, I realized three important things.

First – often I was the first person with whom the victims shared their pain. Feeling that they are not alone with their fears is what victims of domestic violence need.

The second point is that talking to another person can help victims of domestic violence understand for the first time that what is happening to them is really not normal, and it is definitely violence that should not be happening.

Many were surprised, saying that, of course, they thought that it was not very good, but they did not understand that much.

And the third point. The biggest reason women don’t leave men is because of their children. Show victims, for example, articles about how domestic violence affects a child’s future relationships with other people, self-esteem, and susceptibility to depression. And, if you can make any commitments to financial support, take them.

How to start a conversation :

• talk to the woman in private, just ask if there is something going on in her life that she would like to share. Do not start a conversation quietly, in your ear, at some party, as if you are looking for an excuse for gossip;

• Promise that the conversation will be anonymous and if she doesn’t want to, no one will know. Keep your word, don’t talk behind your back;

• tell us that you want to help and, if necessary, are ready to be there for you in any difficult life situation. Describe specifically what you can take on and what help you can provide.

What not to do :

• wait until the alleged victim of domestic violence contacts you;

• assess the situation in an accusatory tone, cite yourself or your friends as an example of exemplary behavior with men;

• put pressure on the victim, rush to make a decision, escalate the situation;

• justify the rapist and say that the victim is to blame;

• panic.

Remember: if you have never experienced psychological or physical abuse, then you most likely cannot fully appreciate the sophistication of the abuser’s manipulations.