Fantasies of men: The Top 9 Sexual Fantasies for Men
10 Most Common Male Sex Fantasies
10 Bedroom Fantasies Every Guy Has Had At Least Once
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It’s in your head, and it’s starting a stir below the belt, but that’s the extent of it. Sometimes you share it. Sometimes you act on it. But without fail, you will have it. I’m talking about a sexual fantasy. Men love them and they will never give them up, but sometimes, they’re not quite ready to articulate them because they’re conflicted about what turns them on and how they feel about it. Relax. You’re good. It’s all good. Boys will be boys, so don’t sweat it.
Men love to take charge, and sometimes you just don’t get enough opportunity in the real world. Bedroom fantasies where you’re king of your castle and commander in chief of all that goes down between the sheets are a great way to offset any disappointments in real life and hedge against anger at being dominated from nine to five. A little rough sex after hours, or some domination with silky ties for blindfolds or fuzzy handcuffs for light bondage will do the trick for most guys. When you have a base need, like wanting to be on top — literally and figuratively — fantasies where you’re dominating will be common. In addition, there’s the taboo of knowing that overcoming someone else sexually is edgy, and that’s part of why it brings a thrill. In real life, sex that culminates in playing out these fantasies with a willing partner can lead to a good time in fulfilling these feelings of wanting to dominate sexually.
On the other end of the spectrum are men who fantasize about being dominated. Men fantasize about feeling sexually dominated when they’re tired of doing the dominating themselves, and they have mixed feelings about what they’re doing in that domination where they’re on top — whether it’s in the bedroom or the board room. Men are expected to become presidents, owners and entrepreneurs where they lead and conquer in business. This isn’t always a comfortable path, but most men don’t talk about that inner conflict. They just put their heads down and do their jobs. However, those feelings of discomfort and quiet anxiety about what they’re doing and how they’re living their lives don’t disappear. They become suppressed. Many men are not conscious of this deep inner turmoil in a way that they can articulate. They just know they fantasize about being dominated in bed to relieve themselves of guilt for doing the dominating in “real life” and being dominated in bed also makes them feel that the power play they win in the real world is being justified by their domination privately. When they’re in personal, romantic relationships, they sometimes feel uncomfortable about expressing these feelings to their partners because it breaks the pattern they’ve had that seems to work for the couple. That’s why you’ll sometimes see men who want to be dominated go outside their primary relationship to act out this fantasy.
Threesomes & Orgies
Men fantasize about having threesomes, foursomes and more because they want the purely sexual experience that is more animal than it is relational. There’s implied monogamy in most relationships, but threesomes and orgies open up that monogamous relationship to allow sex with others and at the same time, close out the personal feelings you have about a long-term partner. Feelings about the future and commitment aren’t usually present in these sexual fantasies, or the real life culminations of them. It’s really all about the sex with multiple partners, simultaneously. In real life, sometimes men feel that they want a threesome rather than foursome or more, because they can control the relationships outside of the bedroom after the sex act is completed. I hear from my readers who go beyond their threesome fantasies into real life threesomes that the relationships that derive from threesomes often lead to breakups of the original couple. This is one fantasy that doesn’t usually work in real life, long term; it’s a great fantasy, but a not-so-great experience if you’re married or in a committed relationship.
4. Experienced Women
Straight men often fantasize about sex with an older woman who knows her body so well that the sex is incredible because of her ease and absence of inhibition. Women who’ve gained experience over the years also tend to know a man’s body better than younger women do. There isn’t the same pressure to get married or define the relationship and that makes the sex carefree and unencumbered, and she appreciates a man’s body more because of his youth — and sees the big picture, not just a little love handle situation going on, that younger women with “standards” might scoff at. The older woman usually has her own money and a nicer place than younger women — or even the guy doing the fantasizing — so being wined and dined and whisked up to a private penthouse love shacks is part of the fantasy fun. This is a fantasy that’s about sex and luxury with no strings attached.
5. Virginal Women
The first time is iconic. And because it happens once and only once, it’s valuable. It’s even written about in the Bible. Religious zealots really like virgins, too! And yet, here we are in modern times, not religious zealots, and with decades of sexual liberation across so many fronts, and to this day there remains a mystique about men and women who haven’t had their first time yet. Those who hold the V card hold the object of sexual fantasy. Men fantasize about taking virginity and teaching a student about sex because it puts them in a position of power and on the pedestal to receive adoration. This hand in hand taking and teaching is an attractive and crucial aspect of the virgin sex fantasy. The men who fantasize about sex with virgins don’t just fantasize about that first time. They see themselves teaching the virgin in the ways of sex. It’s not just a way for these guys to get turned on but to approach feelings of wanting to be needed and looked up to by a student who is adoring.
6. Unattainable Women
Let’s call them the cheerleader, the nurse and the librarian. Men fantasize about what they can’t have. The fantasies make them feel better because in those daydreams they fix the problem of unattainability. Those women who are off-limits are theirs for the taking in the fantasies. And the most common are the coveted, pristine and aloof cheerleaders, nurses and librarians who are just out of reach of most men — which is exactly why they’re great fodder for sexual fantasies. They’re almost like the Madonna in the Madonna and the whore complex. That’s why it should come as no surprise that the most popular Halloween costumes are sexy cheerleaders, sexy nurses and sexy librarians who all have sexual alter egos behind the chaste-like uniforms. The don’t-touch-me clothing that the cheerleader, nurse and librarian (who are all seen as hyper-focused on doing their jobs helping others and are seemingly so busy that they don’t have time to be sexual) wear helps spawn the fantasies. In the fantasies, men are the ones who turn them on and turn them out.
Men like to watch. They’re naturally visual — often more so than women. This makes porn a huge hit with men, while more women will prefer novels like Fifty Shades of Grey, which provide a different type of fantasy stimulus. Voyeurism also makes fantasies about watching sex enjoyable for men. Sometimes the fantasies involve watching one’s self have sex (mirrors in the bedroom provide a big boost for this fantasy), and sometimes it’s about watching someone you think is hot, or you’re involved with, having sex with someone else. Staying distanced gives the fantasy a feeling of control over the situation. It also helps guys who want to know more about sex learn. Of course, sometimes the fantasies include simply watching. And others times, the fantasies involve joining in after things heat up.
8. Sex In Public
One of the most common male fantasies is about having sex in public places, unnoticed by others. The idea of doing something wrong and getting away with it is what fuels this fantasy. That the “something wrong” is sex makes the fantasy that much hotter. You can wear suggestive clothing, make out for days on the street corner and even do some mild groping in public, but if you perform a sex act in public and you get caught, you’ll be in trouble with the law. So getting away with this isn’t just about breaking rules, it’s about breaking sexual taboos that are laws. You also need a partner who’s either as naughty as you are or is so swept up in the act she can’t stop. Both are going to work just fine for your sexual fantasy because now you’re layering a great partner with getting away with a bad act. The trifecta is in place. This fantasy works for days for most men because they alternate public transportation with secluded corners of stores and alleys between buildings, making this fantasy one of the most versatile of them all. The mile high club is kind of old hat, as sexual fantasies go, and it’s become stale because people are doing it, not just fantasizing about it, on a pretty regular basis. This is going on in bathrooms, beneath blankets and in first-class sleeping accommodations. So while sex in planes isn’t as popular a fantasy as it once was, it still works in a pinch.
9. Sex In Nature
There’s something very basic and organic about having sex in a forest, on the beach, or in a field because you’re doing something natural in the most elemental place — in nature. And men who love nature will easily start fantasizing about having sex in the wild. It could be in a sleeping bag on a camping trip, or completely au naturel in the woods, on the beach or at the base of a mountain. Another reason that this is a great fantasy is because it’s the exact opposite of clean and fresh sheets in a hotel room setting — which is one of a woman’s favorite places to have sex and therefore one of the most common places many men have sex. Being out in nature without fluffy towels and without even a mattress feels raw and primal, and that makes it hot.
RELATED: Women Reveal The Sexual Fantasies That Really Get Them Off
Men are fascinated by lesbians, especially those who are interested in making out and having sex with their wives and girlfriends. The idea of bringing a woman into the bedroom is a big fantasy for lots of men who are interested in what seems to be exotic, hot and forbidden. Most men don’t have a lot of experiences with lesbians or lesbian sex, and they like the idea of it, if it’s not threatening to their masculinity or their relationship. Seeing their wife making out with and having sex with another woman — or seeing two women a guy is not involved with (whether or not he knows them) — is a huge turn-on. Many women won’t do this in real life, and so keeping this fantasy for his own is a great way for a guy to have the sexual experience as a fantasy, while keeping his real life relationship going without it. Limitations in the bedroom don’t have to thwart your imagination. Having these fantasies as your own private source of pleasure is a great way to be sexual and expand your sexual self.
Making Your Fantasies A Reality
While some fantasies rely on meeting someone who fits the role that you’re dirty daydreaming about, dominance and submission bondage play scenarios are something you can act out as long as you have a willing partner. And once you have enthusiastic consent, the only thing you’ll need in order to make that fantasy a reality are a few beginner bondage toys to get you both started. Once you and your woman get comfortable with the basics, these toys can also be used for more intense play — but it’s best to start things off slowly and work up to more involved bondage acts together — especially if you’re just starting out. Ready to start shopping? Here are a few products that can help bring your fantasy to life.
MUQU Fetish Blindfold
AskMen Recommends: Sometimes it’s the most pedestrian toy that really ends up enhancing the experience — a BDSM blindfold like this one from MUQU being a prime example. Sensory deprivation can go a long way in heightening pleasure, especially where bondage play is concerned. Not knowing where your partner will touch you next adds another layer of excitement to being restrained and dominated, so if she’s interested in acting out the submissive fantasy with you, give blindfolding her a try.
$7.99 at Amazon.com
AskMen Recommends: It might seem like a waste of money to buy rope specifically for bondage play when you likely have something lying around at home that you could use. But when you’re binding your partner, it’s important to have the right materials in place to ensure that she doesn’t end up getting hurt in the process — especially where rope play is concerned. This shibari rope is made specifically for bondage, meaning that it won’t cause rope burn and is strong enough to hold wrists and ankles in place without hurting. Before you get started, make sure you get familiar with the right way to tie a few bondage knots.
$9.95 at Amazon.com
SportSheets Beginner’s Bondage Kit
AskMen Recommends: If you’re looking for a one stop shop for your beginner bondage needs, look no further than this beginner’s kit from SportSheets. The ankle and wrist cuffs are adjustable to fit any size, and can attach to anything from chairs to bedposts — or whatever else you and your partner are working with. When you’re experimenting with bondage, an easy on/easy off approach is best for deciding what toys you’re going to use, which makes these velcro restraints ideal for first timers.
$10.82 at Amazon.com
Adam & Eve Bondage Game Set
AskMen Recommends: Your bondage fantasy likely flows effortlessly in your mind — but trying it out in real life can come with some awkward moments to navigate. To help steer things in the right direction, why not look at it all as a game? This BDSM kit lets you and your partner roll the dice, landing on different scenarios until you find one that you want to try together. It also comes with a handy bondage sex position guide, and a mild whip to experiment with.
$24.95 at AdamEve.com
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What Do Men Fantasize About? 12 Guys Reveal Their Secret Sexual Fantasies
Sexual fantasies come in all shapes and sizes. . If you’ve ever wondered what men fantasize about, you’re definitely not alone. Movies, TV shows, and pornography might give you the impression that the majority of men have the same kinds of sexual fantasies. While Princess Leia costumes, naughty schoolgirl role-play, and FFM threesomes are plenty popular, the idea that all men are into the same things in the bedroom is far from true. Just like women and non-binary people, men can be interested in exploring all kinds of sexual fantasies, from kink to scenarios some might consider “vanilla.”
For his book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science Of Sexual Desire And How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, Justin Lehmiller, Ph. D., social psychologist and Research Fellow at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, conducted an extensive 369-question survey about sexual fantasies. Over 4,000 Americans of all different backgrounds and sexual orientations between the ages of 18 to 87 participated. He found that most of the men’s fantasies included emotional elements, like the feeling of being desired, reports The Wall Street Journal. They also included specific people, taboo topics like voyeurism and fetishes, and gender-bending scenarios, like cross-dressing.
Whether you want to surprise your partner in the bedroom, or you’re simply curious about what actually goes on inside their mind but you’re not ready to ask, knowing the sexual scenarios most men secretly fantasize about can be eye-opening. It can also serve as hot inspo for ways you can experiment during sex. As long you’re both (or all) consenting adults, anything goes.
Elite Daily sourced quotes from Reddit and spoke to guys in their 20s who provided a range of answers to this common question. While some men had similar fantasies, others shared some seriously unique ideas. Their ideal situations range from totally plausible (bondage and threesomes), to highly unlikely (sex in space). Here’s what 12 guys had to say about their hidden sexual desires.
1. This Guy Likes The Idea Of Bondage.
I’d like to tie a consenting girl to the bed and make her orgasm. Maybe throw in a blindfold and some toys for good measure. Just let her lie back, not have to do anything, and give her a good time.
— Charlie*, 25
2. This Guy Dreams Of A Very Specific Kind Of Threesome.
A threesome with two girls who role-play teachers and I’m the student.
— Chad*, 27
3. This Guy Wants To Get High (Up).
I really want to have sex in a high rise window. Like at least 50 floors up.
4. For This Man, Two Is Better Than One.
Normal stuff, getting laid by identical twins.
6. This Guy Wouldn’t Mind Getting Some Attention In Public.
I always wanted to have sex with someone who talks dirty but doesn’t swear. And exhibitionism, which is pretty usual I guess. I always wanted to get a hand/blowjob in a movie theatre.
5. This Man Wants To Enjoy Two Of The Greatest Feelings In The World.
I’m really into play fighting that ends in cuddling. It’s just that sweet release followed by one of the best feelings in the world.
7. For This Man, Wonder Woman Is A Major Turn-On.
8. This Guy Doesn’t Always Want To Do All The Work.
I come back from work and then she does all the work so I can lie there and enjoy myself.
9. This Guy Has Out-Of-This-World Expectations.
I want to have sex in zero-g, like on the space station. We would just float there, cuddling and making love and f*cking, gazing down at the Earth below us.
10. This Man Has A Dominant Streak.
I have a dominant streak. I like when girls want to submit, be subservient, and like to be owned. I gotta find a girl to wife who is into that.
11. This Guy’s Fantasy Is Super Specific.
12. For This Man, Communication Falls By The Wayside.
With some chick I just met that doesn’t speak English.
It’s clear the fantasies had by the men above definitely range, which makes it difficult to assume that your partner has the same ones. Ultimately, everyone is different. The best way to truly know what fantasies they indulge in when you’re not around is to ask them. Let them know you care about their good time, and that you want to learn more about what turns them on. Don’t be afraid to share some of your own fantasies, too. “Being vulnerable might encourage your partner to do the same,” wrote Gigi Engle, author and certified sex coach and educator, for SELF. You never know. Your conversation might result in the best sex of your life, and a more honest and open relationship. Win/win.
*Name has been changed.
Additional reporting by Veronica Lopez.
Lehmiller, Justin J. (2020). Tell Me What You Want: The Science Of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, Da Capo Lifelong Books
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute
Gigi Engle, author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide To Sex, Love, & Life, certified sex coach and sex educator
9 Sexual Fantasy Confessions From Men
Sexual fantasies—we all have them. Maybe you dream of a threesome, or maybe it’s something more out-of-the-box. Either way, it’s normal and healthy. The whole point of a fantasy is that it’s something unexpected and unlike how you’d normally behave in real life.
Not all fantasies are meant to turn into reality—think, public sex. But whether or not you put them into practice, sexual fantasies can be a great way of getting in touch with what turns you on.
Here, 9 guys get real about the sexy thoughts that turn them on. Hey, maybe you’ll find some inspiration.
American Revolution Role-Play
“Hi there. 35-going on 36-year-old here. Small business owner and author. Pretty regular guy. But, something I always wanted to try out with a partner is American Revolution-era roleplay. Yes, ’tis true…wigs, dandy makeup, britches…the whole nine yards. I’m absolutely fascinated with the 18th Century and wonder how the fantasy would pan out.” —Joseph
Wearing Women’s Lingerie
“I am not sure why, but there’s something really sexy about seeing your girlfriend in a leopard thong or red corset thing, and I have wondered what it’d be like to reverse the roles and try one on. I’d be into trying a thong on and see what it’s like. I might hate it! But there’s some urge.” —Richard
Making Sex Literally Dessert
“The whole edible sex idea is a big fantasy for me. I want to use chocolate syrup and whipped cream and lick each other all over and just tease with the whip and maybe some cherries and toppings. It’d be like a body sundae. That seems hot…and delicious.” —Michael*
Having a Threesome With Her Best Friend
“This is probably frowned upon, but honestly, I find my girlfriend’s best friend smoking hot, and I’d really want her to join us one day. It would be UNREAL. Of course it’s a fantasy and won’t happen…unless she mentions it…but, yeah.” —Dave*
Watching Her Get Off to My Penis Mold
“I’ve always wanted to make a mold of my penis so the girl I’m with can have it as a dildo to play with. But even more than that, I want to see her use it in front of me and get off. And I’d want her to let me know when she’s using it at home when I’m not there too, because that would feel so good.” —Sean
Sex With Her in High Heels and Pearls
“I don’t know why, but the idea of watching a girl under me with her legs wrapped around in high high heels and wearing pearls and then completely naked beyond that seems incredibly sexy. But it is more of a refined sexy, like from older times, in a way, and she’d look beautiful.” —Rob
Sex in the Office…Everywhere
“There’s this co-worker at my office who I am really attracted to, and I’ve always had a fantasy to have sex at work where it’s sneaky and we could get caught. Like the desk or the bathroom or stairwell. But with this particular girl, I’d picture us starting in the office on the desk and then against the wall with the glass door so people could see us—but it’d be late at night so likely no one there—and then we’d go to the bathroom and finish there.” —Greg
Sex in a Cabana
“I’d love to go on vacation one day with a girlfriend and rent a cabana and have sex like all day in the sun with people around. We’d close it so it’s private but the idea that we were having sex in public with all those people around would be super hot.” —Alex
Going to a Sex Party
“I’ve always wanted to go a major sex party where everyone fools around with each other. I’d probably go with a girl I am seeing, but we’d also get with other people there—together or separate. If separate, we could still see each other and know that the other was getting turned on, too. I wouldn’t be jealous, and she’d have to be OK too, but if so, then it’d be really sexy and an awesome fantasy.” —John*
*Some names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.
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Men’s Sexual Fantasies Revealed!
When it comes to men’s erogenous zones, one in particular is heads and shoulders above all the rest (literally). Archive and author of our intimate experiences, dreams and desires, the brain is hands down the sexiest organ of them all. It’s also where we conjure up fantasies of all kinds, from the taboo to the improbable; Needless to say, sex is no exception.
An intimate and creative outlet from our day-to-day reality, our fantasies give license to push sexual boundaries and explore possibilities for pleasure, without the oftentimes weighty repercussions of reality. Fantasizing about sex isn’t just normal, it’s almost universal.
Men are from Mars…
However, and as with most things in life, men and women fantasize in different ways. Shattering the stereotype, guys don’t think about sex all the time, researchers at University of Ohio announced in 2011, and instead limit raunchy ruminations to a more practical 19 times a day, compared to 10 for the girls. Another key difference lies in the nature of fantasies, with a 2012 study at the University of Granada suggesting that where women’s fantasies are typically ‘romantic’ in theme, men’s tend to be more ‘exploratory’.
Of course, we don’t need a scientist to tell us that when it comes to sexual fantasies, anything goes, and the only way to really know what sexy scenes play out in your partner’s mind is to ask. That said, experience tells us that guys in particular share more than a few fantasy fetishes, some of which may just surprise you…
Good Things Come in Threes…
The threesome, it would seem, is the stuff of fantasies for many a hot-blooded male. For most, this dream scenario sees not one but two beautiful women fawning over our one lucky chap. Sensual stuff, its appeal is self-explanatory: not only does the threesome suggest virility and potency, it also appeals to men’s typically visual imaginations.
Of course, no two fantasies are ever the same, and some fellas find themselves all hot under the collar at the idea of sharing their partner with another man. That could be in order to pleasure a woman in ways that simply aren’t possible without an extra body; or perhaps it’s her implied submission that sets his pulse racing.
Whatever the reasons behind a fantasy threesome, it’s certainly not greed, neither is it gay, and nor does it signal infidelity. One of the most widespread male fantasies out there, it’s also one of the sexiest.
Master and Commander
From Power Play…
Next up: domination! Most of us relish the opportunity to relinquish responsibility once in a while, and that very same surrendering of control also applies to sex. Contrary to popular belief, this particular fantasy needn’t feature a leather-clad, whip-wielding dominatrix; and could be no less prosaically linked to a partner’s initiative, direction and assertiveness. Both, we’re sure you’ll agree, are pretty arousing.
… To Role Play
The imagination is a remarkable thing, and never more so than when it comes to fantasies concerning domination and submission. Scenarios we’ve encountered include a female cop barking orders to her handcuffed detainee; a very bad teacher assigning naughty homework to an even cheekier pupil; or how about a sexy nurse taking very special care of her patient…?
With its potential for sexual role-play and shameless excuse for sexy costumes (men are visual creatures, after all), this one can be a lot of fun to explore and act out together.
Location, Location, Location
To Be Seen…
Let’s face it: for most of us, the setting of our love-making is limited, generally confined to the bedroom and certainly behind closed doors. But fantasies are all about challenging taboos and for that reason, sex in public places is a turn-on for many.
It could be a tropical beach, a car park or even the welcome shadows of a darkened cinema. Aside from the thrill of an illicit locale, it’s the possibility of getting caught in the act that really sets pulses racing.
… And To See
Of course, that same exquisite danger of being watched works both ways, with voyeurism being yet another popular male fantasy that once again taps into men’s penchant for the visual. Sexy stuff, we’re sure you’ll agree.
One in a Million
This is just a very broad overview of some of the most popular fantasies out there, and as you’d expect, guys’ sexual wish-lists are as pleasingly unique as the men who enjoy them.
For many, fantasies remain just that: an intensely private and deeply personal articulation of desire, like a thrilling daydream to return to time and time again. For others, though, sharing sexual fantasies not only unlocks possibilities for uniquely satisfying sex, but can also be an expression of intimacy and trust. Plus, it’s just really, really hot.
Whilst some may be best left unfulfilled, many fantasies can bring a whole lot of spice – not to mention loads of fun – to lovemaking when you share your desires with your partner. Our advice? Dare to share and make those sexy daydreams a reality!
Program Your Own Fantasies
It’s one thing to imagine incredible pleasures, but what if you could make them reality? No, you can’t create the perfect partner like in the film Weird Science, but the closest thing to it is called Sextech.
So here’s the very, very basic gist; Sextech will allow to program your sex toys to perform in the way you specifically want them to.
The first of these disruptive Sextech toys is the LELO F1s. Imagine a masturbation sleeve, designed to the exact details of a male’s sexual anatomy, equipped with sonic emitters that deliver resonating sensations deep into your genital tissue. In layman’s terms, you can control the sensations from an app on your phone. It also tracks your performance and gives feedback. Pretty neat-o if you ask us.
What are the five sexual fantasies he’ll never tell you about? Dr Pam Spurr reveals all
MEN and women both have sexual fantasies and for many couples acting them out is their idea of a romantic night in.
But some people never reveal their deepest desires, and the top five fantasies men have but never share has been revealed.
No matter how close you are as a couple, there are some fantasies he’ll keep secret – in case you disapproveCredit: Alamy
Our sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr.
Confidential fantasy confessions rarely surprise me. Because that’s the nature of fantasies, they’re very personal.
From the erotic to eyebrow-raising, what is one person’s red-hot vision is another’s red-hot hell. That’s why so many people keep them strictly private.
I always say in this column, be brave and brace yourself for sharing your fantasies. They can give you plenty of ideas to try out or turn you on just listening to each other.
Lots of guys dream of being a stripper, like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike
But will the guys share all of theirs? No way, they think you’ll be shocked by some of their steamy scenarios.
So here’s the lowdown on the secret fantasies he won’t share with you:
1. Cougars, MILFs and GILFs
There’s been an explosion in online porn catering to young men who fantasise about older women, from cougars to MILFs (mothers I’d like to…) and GILFs (grandmas I’d like to…)!
It seems some are fixated on what older women have to offer. They want to be taken in hand and guided.
He won’t tell you because you might think he’s a freak, unless of course you’re older than he is.
When you and he see the latest Batman, X-Men or even Star Wars movie, he might leave with ‘ideas’. It seems many have the desire to be a superhero in bed.
Your man may fantasise about being BatmanCredit: Scope Features
He hides these as he doesn’t want to appear childish. Especially the way he imagines having a superhero sex-power.
Trust me, a guy who’s into superhero fantasies has usually named his manhood something like Captain Marvel.
3. Sex with his best mate
One he’d never own up to, but this is more common than you’d think. Many men wonder how good their best buddy is in bed.
Often this is about comparing sexual prowess. Perhaps he fantasises about a threesome, showing off how he can last longer than his best mate.
Of course, sometimes this is about bi-curiosity.
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4. Sex with your best friend
Don’t panic or get paranoid, but this is quite natural. As your man gets to know your best friend, his mind wanders to what she’s like in bed.
These fantasies are often just about curiosity to know if she’d be like you or completely different.
5. Being like Magic Mike
Whether your partner’s mega-buff, well-rounded or super-slim, you can bet he’s fantasised about being a stripper. He imagines all the women throwing their panties at him.
He’s revelled in fantasies of prancing around to You Can Leave Your Hat On, just like in the Full Monty.
Dr Pam’s Position: The Cowgirl
Have fun with ‘the cowgirl’ which is perfect for some fantasy-play.
He lies flat on his back and you straddle him, facing him. Take it slowly so you don’t injure him.
As you move up and down and he holds onto your hips to steady you, enjoy fantasy-chat.
Pretend you’ve just met at a party and you’re having wild sex in the host’s bedroom. He can let loose with lots of chat like ride me baby!
Call Dr Pam on Talk Radio with any sex or relationship dilemma on Saturday nights from 9 PM to midnight, on 0344 499 1000.
Follow Dr Pam on twitter @drpamspurr
For more advice visit www.drpam.co.uk
The 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies According to Experts
- Some of the most common sexual fantasies include rough sex and multi-partnered sex.
- Other sexual fantasies include public sex, roleplay, and voyeurism.
- Before acting on sexual fantasies, establish consent and adhere to laws regarding public nudity.
- Visit Insider’s Health Reference library for more advice.
Sex is a topic that can spark many complicated feelings. Even the most sex-positive folks can find themselves feeling confused and uncertain when reflecting on the arousing, erotic mental images — otherwise known as sexual fantasies — they conjure up in their head.
It is easy to get caught up thinking your innermost thoughts are deviant. But, chances are even your most taboo fantasies are normal and healthy. In fact, evidence suggests that those who have sexual fantasies experience less anxiety and a greater sense of self-esteem.
Daydreaming about sex is completely normal, and acting on a shared fantasy may even help spice up a relationship. Just make sure that you establish consent and boundaries with your partner, and are following all local laws around nudity and sex.
Below you will find examples of some of the most common fantasies people experience — and how to act on them safely.
1. Multi-partner sex
Multi-partner sex involves sex with more than one partner of the same or different genders. Sex with three partners may be called a threesome and more may be called an orgy.
A 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior involving 274 Canadian university undergraduates revealed 64% of participants had some interest in multi-partner sex.
Another study published in Personality and Individual Differences involving 788 British adults found that men specifically may fantasize more about multi-partner sex. Male participants of the study were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. Meanwhile, women’s fantasies were more likely to include same-sex partners and famous people.
2. Dominant or rough sex
Rough sex is a sexual act that is aggressive, animalistic, and perhaps somewhat violent. It is often depicted as more passionate than other kinds of sex, but can also be associated with unhealthy abusive sex. Though, rough is not inherently dangerous or abusive.
BDSM, which encompasses much of rough sex, stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. BDSM encompasses many different kinks — often considered atypical sexual practices. Dominant or submissive sex often involves the consensual assuming and relinquishing of power between those involved. It can involve tying your partner up, spanking, and an entire spectrum of other behaviors and emotional entanglements.
Some people are aroused by light restraint, others by intense physical pain.
Psychological roleplay — like that between a teacher and student or a boss and employee — may also be considered BDSM as it involves an exchange of power.
Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist whose research focuses on sexuality, discovered this fantasy is wildly popular when doing research for his book on the science of sexual desire called Tell Me What You Want. He surveyed 4,000 Americans and found 93% of women and 81% of men had fantasized about being sexually dominated. Further, 85% of men and 76% of women had fantasized about being sexually dominant.
3. Voyeurism or exhibitionism
Voyeurism is arousal caused by watching an unsuspecting person or people engaged in a private intimate or sexual act. A small 1991 study found 54% of men have voyeuristic fantasies. Meanwhile, a 2006 Sewdish study found that of 2,450 adults surveyed in 1996, 7.7% had reported becoming aroused watching other people have sex.
Exhibitionism is on the other end of voyeurism; it is the act of becoming aroused by others consensually watching you have sex or by exposing parts of your body to unsuspecting participants. Both of these kinks can be considered problematic if one is unable to control their urges, if the fantasy causes emotional distress, or if legal issues arise.
You probably won’t be able to act on this sexual fantasy. In the US, and many other countries, it is illegal to watch or tape anyone having sex without their consent. Additionally, public nudity is illegal in most of the US, although the definition of nudity may vary by state.
4. Sex in public or an unusual location
Sex in public is another popular fantasy that may fall under exhibitionism. In Lehmiller’s same survey, he found 81% of men and 84% of women were aroused by a public sex fantasy.
It’s important to note that acting on this fantasy is often illegal. Though actual guidelines vary by the municipality — for instance, public nudity is legal in areas like Denver where people of all sexes can go topless — sex acts in public are illegal in all 50 states.
5. Roleplay and cosplay
Despite their similar names, roleplay and cosplay are distinct fantasies: .
Unfortunately, there has not been a great deal of research done on the topic of sexual roleplay or cosplay. An issue in the International Journal of Roleplaying suggests this is because sexologists consider it to be an “insignificant factor of foreplay,” and therefore, is not explicitly included in research questionnaires.
6. Romantic sex
Romantic sex is different than many fantasies because there is no specified definition — what is romantic for one person may differ for another.
In theory, any kind of sex can be romantic. Romantic sex is “…a sexual relationship in which there’s an emotional and erotic connection. It could be long and slow and sensuous, it could be
, it could, you know, have some BDSM involved in it,” says Deborah Fox, a clinical social worker and certified sex therapist.
Tantric sex, for example, is slow and doesn’t fixate its end goal on orgasm. Instead, the goal of it is to focus on the entire sexual experience and any sensations it brings up.
Lehmiller reports finding romantic sexual fantasies more popular among younger respondents of his survey. He also found 91% of straight men, 88% of straight women, and 87% of gay and bisexual men and women, fantasize about their current romantic partner — making partners the most common person respondents fantasized about..
7. Gender-bending and homoeroticism
Gender-bending is when a person challenges societal expectations of their gender. Modern American examples of it trace back to 1920s vaudeville and can be linked to present-day drag shows. People of all sexual orientations can practice gender-bending. It’s important to note that this is different from transgenderism, which is when someone has a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their assigned sex at birth.
Homoeroticism is a fantasy that involves sexual acts with members of the same sex. It can be — and is often — experienced by people who identify as heterosexual, not just homosexual or queer.
In fact, a 2019 paper published in Social Forces suggests 3.6% to 4.1% of men and 7.6% to 9.5% of women report some level of same-sex sexual or romantic attraction.
Further, sexual desire is not an either or situation, nor does it define your sexual identity. For example, a heterosexual cisgender woman who is in a sexually fulfilling relationship with a cisgender man can still have fantasies about other women.
Fox thinks of sexuality as a spectrum, or a bell curve. On one tail of the curve is being completely straight, and on the other tail is being completely gay. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.
“People might identify as straight, but they can have a little titillation about you know, imagining, or even engaging [in same-sex sexual acts],” says Fox. “Some heterosexual people do have sex with the same gender person occasionally…having that homosexual fantasy, I don’t think it necessarily means anything about their identity in and of itself.”
Tips for approaching your partner with sexual fantasies
Trying out fantasies with your partner is exciting and thrilling. But, before you start, there are important aspects of experimentation you should ensure are in place for utmost safety and pleasure.
1. Establish consent
The most important thing to establish when having sex with partners is consent. It shows a partner you respect them and their body, and a sexual act without consent is assault.
Consent is explicit, non-coercive permission to engage in a certain act, in this case, one of a sexual nature. It can be revoked at any time. It is the most vital aspect of healthy sex.
Consent is not merely “no means no” — but more of a “yes means yes.” It looks like:
- Consistently checking in with a partner throughout a sexual experience
- Asking explicitly if they like something before you do it
- Discontinuing an act if they ask you to stop — even if they agreed to it beforehand
2. Discuss boundaries
To have the safest possible experience, you must be transparent about what it is you want and don’t want. This can include:
- Set an agreed-upon plan for how the sexual encounter might go, including what is off-limits
- Establish a safe word to say when you begin to feel unnerved, so your partner knows when to stop,
The basis of these boundaries is consent, which can be relinquished at any time. It is important to get permission before trying anything new, or even if it’s something you do regularly.
3. Use proper protection
To avoid transmitting any STIs, ensure you practice safe sex with a condom or other barrier.
Other forms of birth control like an IUD or spermicide do not protect against STIs; inform your partner beforehand if you may be carrying one.
4. Treat your partner with respect
Sex is intimate and should only be experienced somewhere and with someone who you feel safe with.
Understand vulnerability must be embraced when having sex, and do not say or do anything that may make your partner feel judged. Take it slow, especially when trying new things. Voice any concerns or thoughts you may have throughout.
Sexual fantasies are nothing to be embarrassed about. Desire is a key part of sexuality and having fantasies is normal, common, and healthy.
Just because you have a fantasy does not mean you want to act on it. But if you do, it is important to establish consent, respect your partner’s boundaries, use proper protection, and make sure you are following local laws around sex and nudity.
The seven most common sexual fantasies, revealed | The Independent
We might live in a society that is more open and positive about sex than ever before, but one expert says we’ve still got a long way to go.
Whilst researching for his new book, Tell Me What You Want, social psychologist Dr Justin Lehmiller interviewed 4,175 Americans about their sex lives in what is possibly the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies in the US to date.
In the interviews, he asked people about their sex lives, and how often they fantasised about specific people, places and things in a bid to break down the stigma surrounding sexuality.
As well as making sex easier for people to discuss, his book also reveals some of people’s most common sexual fantasies.
“My overriding hope for the book is that it will help people to better understand their own fantasies and to feel less shame, embarrassment, and anxiety about them,” Dr Lehmiller tells The Independent.
“In doing so, I hope this makes it easier for people to talk about their desires with their partners and maybe even act on some of their fantasies, too—the ones that are safe, legal, and consensual, of course.”
Among the more peculiar findings were accounts of sexual attraction to bellybuttons, armpits and even cars but Dr Lehmiller also uncovered many erotic desires that seemingly unite us.
So, what are the seven most common sexual fantasies?
1) Having a threesome
Topping the list, 89 per cent of those surveyed said they fantasised about having a threesome with other people, with those in relationships saying the threesome would ideally involve their spouse.
Lehmiller also found that straight males were more likely to fantasise about having a threesome with two women, while heterosexual women didn’t show a preference for gender.
According to Lehmiller’s findings, 65 per cent of participants fantasised about receiving pain, whether in the form of spanking, biting or dripping hot wax.
The majority fantasised about at least one BDSM act while women were found to have “slightly more frequent” desires of giving up control to a partner.
3) Shaking things up
Whether it’s changing positions, locations or partners, Lehmiller found that a large number of people fantasised about mixing up their usual sex routine.
For example, if they usually had sex in bed, they would fantasise about a public setting or if they were in a relationship, they would fantasise about having sex with someone else.
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4) Public sex
Location was one of the biggest fantasies for women with the majority revealing that they often fantasised about having sex in a public place where you run the risk of getting caught.
Some of the top locations mentioned included the office, the park, and in a lift.
5) Open relationships
A large number of participants revealed that they would like to have sex with other people if it was approved by their partner.
79 per cent of men and 62 per cent of women had fantasised about being in an open relationship, while 58 per cent admitted they thought about watching their partner have sex with other people.
6) Meaningful sex
The majority of both men and women revealed that they crave “meaningful” sex that makes them feel desired, appreciated and loved.
They also said that feeling as though they were good in bed and irresistible was a turn-on.
7) Same-sex encounters
While many of the participants identified as heterosexual, a large number said they had fantasies about the same sex.
59 per cent of straight women said they had fantasies about sex with other women, while 26 per cent of straight men said they had fantasies about sex with other men.
Around one in four men also craved sex with a cross-dresser, while one in three men said they had fantasised about sex with a transsexual.
90,000 sexual fantasies of men and women
It is possible that I was completely starved in the absence of real contacts (four months in New Zealand – and nothing), since I came to fantasies about having sex with a teacher, which has never happened to me before. I think this is also because in Russia they do not take as a teacher with such eyes – our views show through impotence, including teaching. So, Mackenzie. When he looks at me, I feel like it’s time to order some Fun Factory toy online.Or ask him head-on after school: can you generally apply something else to me besides the eyes?
I, of course, knew that men know how to love with their eyes, but the other day I found out that the stronger and weaker sex, in principle, see the world differently. Men focus on visual objects, and we use all our senses at the same time to perceive the world.
For the sake of the acclaimed book “A Billion of Vicious Thoughts”, American neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed a billion search queries on sex in popular Internet browsers and published interesting findings.First, when choosing a partner, a woman’s brain works much more difficult than a man’s. In order for a man’s brain to trigger sexual desire, only a visual signal is needed, and a woman must determine the full characteristics of the object. Second, male sexual motivation is directly related to the “reward system” of the human nervous system and the production of dopamine, the hormone of pleasure. In primitive times, the brains of the sterner sex gave out very primitive signals and, among other things, were intended to objectify the female, a meeting with which almost guaranteed intercourse.A practical lady’s mind works like a detective agency: it examines and calculates all the qualities of a man, determining whether he deserves attention, and triples this work if a woman feels desirable. From an evolutionary point of view, this also makes sense – at the dawn of mankind, the choosy female always won, providing protection for herself and her offspring with a reliable partner.
Ogas and Gaddam confirmed that men are not dependent on tender feelings and do not seek genuine affection for visual stimuli that generate or enhance sexual arousal.Literally (and symbolically), the simple realization of a man’s desire is not very different from masturbation: sex for self-satisfaction. Women are much less aroused by erotic illusions than the prospect of a relationship. We always want drama and passion, as in romance novels, and easily ignite the imagination with ridiculous (for men) fantasies – we want the insidious dominant Christian Gray or the blood-sucking, but to the stupidity of Edward Cullen in love.
The male brain is designed in such a way that a certain image is able to excite him.Each man has a bouquet of fetishes in his head (nipples protruding through clothes, graceful wrists, fishnet stockings), which includes libido. It is enough to define a “gentleman’s set” – and you will have it right away. Among the fairer sex, few acquire such fetishes, and this, as a rule, is not a thing, but a plot, a romantic theme or a famous actor. For example, the authors of Billion of Vicious Thoughts refer to a list of popular searches. From the men: College cheerleaders, tanned girls in bikinis, naked women, big breasts, bachelor party orgy, tips to curb lust.From Women: Michael Fassbender, Vampire Stories, Benedict Cumberbatch, Cinderella Dresses, Orlando Bloom Gossip, Doctor Strange, RPGs. The interests of men are clear, pragmatic and transparent, while a woman fantasizes about unreal stories and screen heroes.
Ogas explains that men’s sexuality is individual and women’s social. Men, by comparison, love to watch pornography alone and, unlike women, hardly share their erotic addictions or experiences with friends.Women, on the contrary, constantly exchange stories from their intimate life, gossip about the sexual adventures of celebrity idols and adore erotic stories.
And by the way, you know what men prefer when they choose porn? Naturalness is what the industry calls the beautiful word amateur – stories without a script, shot in the manner of an amateur video. They love to spy and do not hide it.
Guess the wish
According to another common theory, if a man sees a nice woman, he will undress her with his eyes and imagine sex.
American writer and lecturer Craig Gross in the book “Through the Eyes of a Man” confirms that when a modest clerk sees a colleague in an office in a blouse unbuttoned to a inviting hollow, or a teenager looks at a classmate who appears for physical education in short shorts, he still involuntarily imagines her without clothes: “This does not mean that a man will certainly direct his thoughts in this way (some rare modest, perhaps it would never even occur to him), but due to natural visual dependence in the brain of each of us there is an attitude to undress through the eyes of the one who tells the fantasies the right reference point. “
Since most men do not realize that women see the world differently, it never occurs to them that the girl in a miniskirt and maxi-neckline, dressing up, was planning something other than a sexual self-presentation. In other words, if you meet a muscular handsome man in an alcoholic T-shirt on the street, do not hesitate: he is not averse to being desired.
Gross is clearly running into trouble, teasing readers with one of the most disgusting macho maxims: if you put on a mini, be prepared for whatever you want.He writes that he thought that way (he is generally strange this Gross, because he calls himself an orator, pastor and fighter against porn), until he started a book in co-authorship with sociologist Shanti Feldhan, who was outraged by this format of perception of reality. She popularly explained to a colleague that women certainly love to attract attention, but not necessarily men, and choose bold outfits solely because they like it and so they express themselves, wanting to tell the world that they know about fashion and are confident in their appearance.Gross was slightly ashamed, but admitted that his stubbornness was enough to doubt the purity of women’s thoughts to this day.
My American lover (hopelessly married, it’s not my fault), with whom I have been spinning an online romance with international tours for real dates for the second year, once gave me an original interpretation of a lustful look. I accompanied him to the Zurich railway station after an ardent meeting at the hotel, he hugged my shoulders. Three young mulattos in defiant minis were walking towards him, and I accidentally caught his eye.He obviously wanted them, in general, without specifics, all together or each separately. I felt how jealousy pinched me in the area of my left chest, remained silent, but could not forget this look. When we met again, I asked for an honest answer, what the fuck did he need from them if I walked alongside and even snuggled closely? He explained: “We had just had violent sex in a hotel room, and I had to leave you, but more than anything else I wanted to stay and continue doing this in all known positions.I do not remember those girls at all, but I remember the proximity of your body and unsuccessful attempts to pacify the hungry predator within me. Perhaps my eyes expressed what I wanted, and I wanted you and sex. ” Apparently, in a man’s head it works something like this: if I really wanted to eat and carried an awesome pizza in a box, but suddenly I met someone who looks like it (this pizza) … “What delicious nonsense”, – I thought and switched his attention by undoing a couple of buttons on my blouse.
Sexual fantasies of men: 3 brightest
And there is nothing terrible in her either.If you want to fulfill this man’s fantasy, then deep throat blowjob can be learned – only technique is needed here, and physiological data are not important at all. We wrote about this in more detail here.
70% of men dream of anal sex. We have already talked a lot about this – first of all, he is attracted by the same “forbidden fruit”. In addition, anal sex allows him to feel complete control over his partner, and this, as we already know, is one of the strongest hidden desires.The sight of a woman’s priests is very, very exciting, the sensations there are completely different, and besides, for him it is a chance to feel like a “discoverer” if this is your first partner in anal sex.
Anal sex, performed according to the rules, gives pleasure to both partners and does not have negative consequences. In addition, thanks to the stimulation of the K-point, which is not affected during normal penetrative sex, a woman is able to experience a very vivid and memorable orgasm, accompanied by a hormonal surge, different from that which occurs during a vaginal orgasm.You can read more about the rules of anal sex and how you can make it mutually more enjoyable in this article.
Sex with two women
70% of men dream of having sex with two women. For many of them, such a fantasy manifests a desire for novelty, the realization of their alpha male complex. And if the realization of the first two fantasies of a man for a relationship only brings advantages and strengthens them, and the woman herself gets pleasure if she does everything right, then the realization of the latter can seriously harm the relationship.If a third person appears in a relationship, and maybe a fourth one, as, for example, in the practice of swinging, this destroys the intimacy and intimacy of partners, especially in the eyes of a woman. Therefore, think three times before inviting someone else to your bed. It is possible that after that, your relationship will never be the same. As statistics show, especially after practicing swinging, many have erased the moral boundaries of what is treason and what is not, and polygamy enters life on an ongoing basis, which is almost 100% likely to destroy the relationship.We are now, of course, not touching on the initially polygamous or polyamorous relationship, where both partners have different ties.
There are sex scenarios in which you can replace a third party with sex toys. For example, if a man or woman dreams of multiple penetrations, a vibrator comes to your aid. Firstly, you realize your fantasy, and secondly, add extraordinary sensations due to vibration.
Male sexual fantasies. Do not go – it will kill !!!
Oh, how I want to look into his fantasies! Although, according to psychologists, it is better for you not to know what your beloved is dreaming about, what sexual images and scenes appear in his imagination.If you could see the thoughts running through like a film strip in his head, then perhaps you would be so embarrassed (or outraged) and frightened by their content that you would not analyze men’s fantasies or compare them with your own. At times he himself is worried about what is happening in his mind. And then he asks the question: “Am I all right?” …
Pleasure for the sake of
An ordinary man has up to six sexual fantasies per hour, from a fleeting admiration for a pair of passing legs to a speculative representation of the moment of merging with a woman.Sometimes he uses fantasies to get aroused for masturbation or intercourse.
Male fantasies can be conditionally divided into several thematic groups: replacement of a permanent partner with a real or imaginary woman; group sex; same sex sex; forced sex; anal sex.
Most men indulge in fantasies, in which there is often violence in the form of a scourging of a woman, to which she herself has agreed and which is necessary to lead her to orgasm.As specialists have found out, the main set of male sexual fantasies is more violent and less personal than the female one. But the researchers were amazed to find that one of the male fantasies is giving up activity in favor of inaction. It turned out that the favorite fantasies of some men are not violence, not coercion of women. In their fantasies, they want exactly what women want – to be able to enjoy sex. They imagine themselves in the power of an insatiable woman or they see how they are erotically punished, and they give free rein to their feelings.
Normal or pathological?
Men are often preoccupied with their violent fantasies. But, according to experts, these fantasies are quite normal, if they do not develop into an obsession. Mentally imagining something does not mean doing or going to do it. Dreams cannot be confused with reality.
Behind the sadistic façade of fantasy lies something quite different. The man, as it were, wants to say that he imposes his will on the victim, not because he is cruel, but because of the desire to give her pleasure, which she cannot receive in another way.Sadistic and masochistic fantasies express a deep duality in the relationship of men to women. On the one hand, they want us, but on the other, they are angry that we have such power over them.
The gross error in understanding fantasy is that it is considered suppressed desires. In this case, some representatives of the stronger sex guiltily hide their fantasies, while others are looking for opportunities to realize them in real life. However, there are those who, without any sense of guilt, regularly resort to their help for arousal.And this is NORMAL.
To be silent or to speak?
Men sometimes wonder if they should share their sexual fantasies with their women? The second most common male fantasy question is “How do I get her to repeat everything that happens in my fantasy?” Those. how to make you sexually satisfy him the way he wants.
Sometimes experts give a man this advice: express your desire in detail, and not in the form of a request.If possible, find an erotic passage in a book or movie that presents what you would like. Read or show her this. See how interested she is in what you listened to or what you saw before asking. Then ask her kindly. Some experts advise men to be very careful when discussing sexual fantasies with their partners, no matter how well they know or trust them.
Often a woman’s attitude to a man’s fantasy is determined by her age.If you are in your thirties, then perhaps your husband’s fantastic tale of how a group of sexually voracious Amazons make him satisfy their tribe every day will get you very excited. If you are young, then such a “delusional” fantasy of a man will seriously insult you: how could he even think about copulating with someone else besides you ?!
Making his dreams come true?
As practice shows, when a man goes from fantasies to business, he gets disappointed. For example, he persuaded you to fulfill one of your favorite fantasies – he dreamed of picking up a girl of easy virtue in a bar.You dressed appropriately (of course, you weren’t wearing underwear) and played a charming role in the restaurant. He had to work hard to get you to go with him. But at home, sex turned out to be normal for him. Nothing new. And next week you again wanted to please your beloved by playing the role of a dear prostitute. The man, on the other hand, realized that sex was not worth such anxiety, and regretted that this idea then occurred to him. Of course, he won’t tell you the truth, because he doesn’t want to look like an idiot.
Talking about his fantasies, the man kills them. In his head he builds bizarre sexual heaps, but as soon as he pulls them out into the light, everything collapses and he has to erect new ones. No, not because you criticize or implement them. This is not your fault. They just can’t live in the real world.
Fantasy is usually an expression of the forbidden. If a man can share a taboo with you and even implement it in real life, it ceases to be taboo.No longer a disturbingly obscene secret, such a fantasy loses its power to automatically arouse. In other cases, the realization of a fantasy in real life does not deprive it of its mental attractiveness, but the effect of its physical embodiment is not so vivid.
What should you know about his fantasies?
Sex: what men dream about
Sexual fantasies are completely natural. But sharing and implementing them should be done with great care and not always.Why?
“First of all, because real actions often disappoint not only the partner, but also the initiator of the experiment,” explains psychoanalyst Didier Dumas. – For example, such a fantasy: unexpected sex in a train toilet. Its reality can be significantly different from the design.
By creating the conditions for the implementation of this plot, the man destroys the charm of surprise. And after he persuades the lady and the two of them squeeze into a cramped closet, they will have to come to terms with smells that were not in their fantasies, experience the impatience of other passengers pulling the handle from the other side, and, possibly, the appearance of an angry conductor.In general, the dream runs the risk of turning into a nightmare. ”
Fantasies reveal those aspects of a man’s personality that are usually hidden in his unconscious and the discovery of which can shock a woman. The psychoanalyst describes five sexual practices that most men dream about and which are quite realizable. These dreams reveal some male secrets.
Sex without foreplay
To attack and seize, to satisfy desire, without wasting time on affection – a man dreams of becoming like a beast during the mating season.But few are ready to take action: sex without foreplay is perceived as a demonstration of power, a manifestation of selfishness of an immature personality. Because it deprives partners of emotional engagement and reduces sexuality to genital joining. Because a woman may think that her body is just a tool and that anyone could be in her place. In general, because it resembles rape.
Something to remember. Before he rudely pounces on his lady, the gentleman should make sure that she is experiencing the same desire at that moment.And for this it is necessary that all feelings be tuned to her. So sex without prior preparation paradoxically requires a great deal of sensitivity.
To do it in the office, in the elevator, in the entrance, in the toilet of a restaurant or train, at the risk of being caught, is incredibly exciting work of the imagination. The “dangerous” environment provides an invigorating level of adrenaline and satisfies the craving for exhibitionism. She also allows the man to experience his determination and fearlessness.This fantasy is akin to saying, “I can have sex wherever I want and don’t care about the consequences!”
Something to remember. If you are firmly convinced in advance that the woman is ready and willing to take risks, then extreme adventures will add spice to your sex life. But a timid or shy girl is unlikely to like them, the pleasure will not be mutual.
90,000 Top 10 sexual fantasies of men – Representatives of the stronger sex dream of sex in a hammock, with a girl of easy virtue and threesome
June 17, 2011, 05:08
Representatives of the stronger sex dream of having sex in a hammock, with a girl of easy virtue and threesome
• First fantasy: sex with Madonna
We doubt that women will like this at all.And how can you like the fact that when a man has sex with a woman, he represents in the place of his partner Angelina Jolie or Britney Spears? Sexual relationships with unfamiliar but attractive women, as well as with female celebrities, according to scientists, is the most popular erotic fantasy among most men.
In reality, men say that such statements are nothing more than a myth. Men are not aliens at all, their feelings are almost analogous to those of women, and most men have enough sexual relations with one single woman.When discussing the first fantasy, the men almost unanimously decided that if they choose a woman, then she is quite happy with them. So why then dream of others?
• Second fantasy: a lot is better than a little
Sexologists say that men often dream of being fondled and having sex with two women with completely different nationalities, skin colors and different complexions. This category also includes erotic fantasies about group sex, during which a man constantly changes sexual partners.
Men said that such a dream is quite difficult to classify as a myth. The existence of such fantasies is confirmed by the existence of swing clubs, in which it is customary to have sex with many partners, as well as a huge number of announcements from men on dating sites that they are looking for two girlfriends.
About 45% of the polled representatives of the stronger sex admitted that in order to satisfy several women at once, they most likely simply cannot, since they do not have enough physical strength.If we talk about group sex, then it should be borne in mind that most men are owners who simply cannot stand watching a pornographic film starring their beloved partner. Therefore, in this case, everything is limited only to conversations, without getting to the point.
• Third Fantasy: Yes! Yes, more! Oh yeah!
Sexologists believe that men experience very strong arousal during sexual intercourse, when women begin to show their own passion in screaming and moaning “Yes! More! Oh, yes!”.
But, as it turned out, in reality, men do not need this for nothing. If women begin to portray extraterrestrial passion in this way, then men have a strong feeling that they are participating in the filming of a low-standard pornographic film. When shouting “yes, yes, come on even harder, pierce me through and through”, a man may lose even the most persistent erection. And the word “still” acts as a quality “bummer”, as the man begins to think that his partner is not only doing what he is doing, and he will have to die in the process from the efforts made, without giving her the pleasure she wants.
• The fourth fantasy: the third is not at all superfluous
A fairly widespread myth is the statement that almost all men are eager to try on themselves what exhibitionism is. Reading such “facts” very many women seriously thought about whether so many men would really like to have sex in front of completely strangers.
As it turned out, even those men who had such fantasies would never have publicly and in reality engage in sex with their own partner.This fact is explained very simply: men are jealous creatures. It is likely that the second reason that prevents men from pursuing such dreams is that in practice they are not at all as daring as in words and in fantasies.
• Fifth fantasy: on the other hand
There is an opinion that all men really enjoy having anal sex. This desire is indeed quite common among men. But even in this case, there are exceptions.Many men think this kind of sex is “dirty”. And some men are very embarrassed to offer their partners to engage in this type of sex. In the course of research, it turned out that there are also such men who will refuse if their partners offer them such a variety in sex.
In order to engage in anal sex, a man must be not only confident in himself, but also sufficiently relaxed. And men with similar personal qualities are not found as often as we would like.And yet, no matter how ridiculous it may sound, there are such men who are afraid that their partners can offer them to experience such an innovation in their own “skin”, having previously armed themselves with several appropriate toys from a sex shop.
• Sixth fantasy: latex and rubber
Speaking of all kinds of sexual toys, it is worth noting that, according to all the same scientists and sexologists, men have an irresistible craving for various rather unusual accessories of this kind.
According to the “experts”, men have nothing against spending some time with a rubber “girlfriend” who replaces a real partner, and almost instantly get an orgasm when they see a woman wearing underwear purchased in a sex shop … Indeed, such thoughts in men can periodically arise, but these thoughts will clearly never be the leaders among the most common erotic fantasies.
• Seventh fantasy: gentle and affectionate beast
The conducted research has refuted another statement of sexologists that men very often fantasize, scrolling all sorts of sadomasochistic scenes in their heads.In essence, men are quite affectionate “animals” who, under no circumstances, will hurt their beloved woman.
Often, men do not feel at all delighted with sexual contacts, with the use of brute physical force in relation to their own partner. And even in those cases when they have dreams of this type, they almost always imagine themselves not at all in the role of rapists, but in the role of slaves in the hands of an adorable woman, a tough and cruel mistress who makes them fulfill all her whims.
• Eighth fantasy: sex in a hammock
Every second man feels dizzy at the mere thought of sex in unusual places and conditions. This is exactly what sexologists say. In addition, they believe that having sex in the car, in nature, in the midst of a party or in the sauna has always attracted and continues to attract the attention of men.
But in reality there are few such extreme sportsmen. Would you begin to bare your own body in a dark forest in order to feel how ticks dig into you and how mosquitoes bite while engaging in such extreme sex ?! Or maybe you would agree to have sex in a car that is moving at a very high speed? If these options do not suit you, then why do you think that your men might like them?
• Ninth Fantasy: Eating Food in Bed
You can stain all bedding with fresh strawberries, and chocolate, by the way, is very sticky.By the way, sweets are sexy only in movies.
But in reality, men said their unequivocal “no” to such experiments in bed. None of the men dreamed of being smeared with jam from head to toe when he was in bed. But in the event that a partner brings him some nutritious food immediately after sexual intercourse, then she can receive almost unlimited gratitude from a man.
• The tenth fantasy: sex with women of easy virtue
We will not deny that sexual contacts with prostitutes give almost unlimited choice.Today a man can choose a red-haired dumpling, and tomorrow – a thin brunette.
But the fact is that most men, nevertheless, admitted that they were not at all attracted to this kind of sex. Moreover, the fear of catching an infectious venereal disease is one of many reasons. But, despite such beliefs, about half of the men had sex with women of easy virtue. Admitting this, the men noted that such acts were committed by them “in their youth.”It is also worth noting that not a single man said that he had erotic fantasies on this topic.
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90,000 Sexual fantasies of men! – deepocean
Sexual fantasies say a lot about a person – about his addictions, character traits and behavior.It is difficult to find two men with the same idea of ideal sex.
Each person, as you know, has his own attitude to love, to sex and to everything connected with it. Despite the fact that many women are simply convinced of the primitiveness of male views on sex and sexual fantasies, it is perhaps difficult to find two men with the same ideas about ideal sex.
And, by the way, sexual fantasies say a lot about a person – about his addictions, characteristics of character and behavior.As you know, women and men differ in many ways, and their sexual fantasies, as a rule, are also far from the same. An ordinary man has up to six sexual fantasies per hour, from a fleeting admiration for a pair of passing legs to a speculative representation of the moment of sexual contact with a woman. Sometimes he uses fantasies to get aroused for masturbation or intercourse.
Types of fantasies
Psychologists divide male sexual fantasies into two categories.
The first, the so-called “day dreams” – are short-term, short-term fantasies. They occur when a man is bored or has free time. Such fantasies often “come” during a trip on the subway or even while waiting in the waiting room of the boss. Most often they are inspired by some fleeting impressions.
The second group of male sexual dreams is “masturbatory fantasies.” They are brighter and stronger, talking more about a person’s personality and sexuality. These are those fantasies that intensify and bring closer orgasmic discharge and ejaculation in a man.With their help, sexual arousal is often increased.
So what are the most desirable and common sex fantasies of the stronger sex?
1. Threesome: he, she and he
Sex of two men with a woman ranks first in the ranking of male dreams. As experts explain, such a fantasy has very deep psychological roots, and it is not surprising that this particular plot is a favorite topic of pornography.
The main thing that prevents any man from having sex is the idea that a woman will not have sex “just like that,” they say, she must be “persuaded”.This stereotype, which often has nothing to do with real life, greatly inhibits male sexuality. And with the help of such a fantasy, a woman from the image of an “impregnable rock” is transferred to the category of a harlot. That is, having sex with two men, she seems to become more “carnal”, and this, as is generally believed, improves the intimate life of a man.
Therefore, if a woman suddenly becomes aware that her partner is fantasizing about just such sex – in other words, he has difficulties in persuading a woman to have sex, since he too idealizes his partner, which means that he is not inclined to lead you are relaxed in bed – psychologists recommend the following advice:
– To overcome this, you should not, of course, invite your best friend or neighbor in the stairwell to bed “third”.It’s just that a woman should try to become more relaxed, not pinched, and it will be easier for a man.
2. Also threesome, but in a different scenario: he, she and she
Sex with two women is a fantasy, which is in second place in terms of prevalence. They say that such fantasies are inherent in strong, active, self-confident men. According to the men themselves, if two women agree to have sex with him, it means that they value him, he has a kind of sexual superpower, a domineering character. That is, for them, he is a superboy, a superman both psychologically and physiologically.
If a man only fantasizes like that, then for the woman next to him, this is a big plus. After all, he could not have wandered in virtual reality, but in fact found himself quite tangible girlfriends … But if he does not, it means that something is holding him back.
– such men are usually extremely jealous;
– a man with such fantasies can be confident and sexually hardy;
– in bed with him, a woman may receive great pleasure.
3. A woman showing her genitals
For most men, this fantasy ranks third among dreams on sexual themes. And no wonder, because even for an experienced man, female genital organs are often a complete mystery. But how “girls are arranged” worries boys from childhood.
But few women show their charms to a man, but in vain! After all, this not only excites, but also stimulates sexuality.
– Is a man who dreams of looking at you “in more detail” sure that he can please a woman? Yes, he cares about his partner and wants her to be completely satisfied! Therefore, do not hesitate to show him your genitals, because if this is a “forbidden fruit” for a man, it is unlikely that your intimate life will be rich and active.
4. Sex with a stranger
This fantasy is in fourth place in the list of male sex dreams. As a rule, this means sex before dating, immediately after meeting, or even instead of dating, sometimes even resembling rape. By the way, the first series of pornographic postcards, released in mass circulation, was on this topic. A man usually imagines that when he attacks a woman, she is at first confused, indignant, but as he pierces her with his mighty member, she is still excited and then comes to orgasm.
Yes, such a man is confident in himself, but he often does not pay much attention to foreplay! Why is that? It has long been known that the main female claim to intimate life with a man is insufficient foreplay. 90% of men know this, but they still “skimp”! Why?
The fact is that male sexual fantasies are formed in adolescence, when testosterone is raging in the bodies of young men. And, it is quite natural that with such a riot of hormones, young men have no time to fantasize unnecessarily that they will caress a woman for half an hour.Well, if adolescence was long, and false sex fantasies were firmly entrenched in consciousness (and we carry out sex in accordance with them), then, becoming an adult, a man somehow does not really think about the foreplay of women.
– If a woman somehow found out that her man is dominated by fantasies of this kind, then she should try to diversify her sexual games and play his “favorite” dreams.
5. “Immediate sex”
According to psychologists, this is an extremely “harmful male fantasy”, which greatly interferes with intimate life, if it is fixed and becomes reality.
– If a partner caresses a woman for exactly five minutes, she definitely needs to ask him if he is fantasizing about having sex with a stranger? Is he confident in himself? If so, why does he want his partner to remain disappointed then?
This is one way to explain that fast sex doesn’t mean good sex. By the way, it’s not a bad thing to “play” rape with him once or twice (about 15% of men imagine in their fantasies how they cruelly take possession of a woman, causing her pain and humiliating her; at the same time, about 37% of men would not mind … to feel the strong hand of the mistress yourself – here the women and the cards in their hands, or rather, whips…) so that the fantasy is finally realized, and after that to have slow, sensual sex.
This is what (or by whom) is a separate topic. However, about 70% of men would not mind spying on something spicy.
Often a man dreams of spying on a woman performing hygiene procedures. In general, everything that concerns the “unintentional”, but sexual female movements, madly arouses a man. Why, for example, almost no one dreams of sexual intimacy with a stripper? Because if a woman does something on purpose, knowing that she is being watched, it becomes uninteresting for men.
A significant proportion of men also like to watch a woman masturbating. This fantasy again reflects curiosity, but not to the structure of the genitals, but to how the female mechanism of gratification works. Many men understand that feminine sensibility is very different from masculine, that it is much more complex. Still, the female body for a man is always a mystery.
Therefore, looking at a woman masturbating is a way for many men to satisfy their curiosity and learn how best to please their partner.In addition, masturbation in front of a man is a symbol of trust in a relationship. After all, 90% of women find it easier to surrender to a man than to show him how the process of masturbation takes place!
– If a man spies on a woman in the bathroom, although they have been living together for six months, she does not need to panic or call an ambulance. It is also not necessary to think that her partner is a pervert. Is he just insanely upset that as a child he could not satisfy his interest in what his older sister does in the bathroom? And therefore, years later, it makes up for lost time.
Well, if a man asks a woman to masturbate in front of his eyes, then he just wants to find out how much she loves him and appreciates his desires!
However, if for some reason this is still unpleasant for a woman, then it is time for her to think about the following: maybe the connection with this person is just a fleeting episode in her life, and she does not feel so psychologically confident that show him the most intimate and intimate that she has in her life?
7. Sex in a place where you can be “caught”
This, as psychologists say, is an exhibitionistic fantasy.It is associated not so much with sex as with the desire to shock, challenge the public, express social protest against all kinds of restrictions.
This fantasy is especially characteristic of adolescents or young people, although it occurs in mature men too. As a rule, this is a demonstration of their sexual power, the ability to persuade a woman to have sex in any, even the most uncomfortable place.
One more thing. As psychologists found out, 80% of men, it turns out, want to play … in their own porn film.Such a huge percentage of applicants indicates, first of all, exhibitionism that has taken root in our society. Well, and also the fact that many couples having sex can safely take a camera and arrange a session of a novice projectionist.
– It is possible that such a man, although he considers himself a very attractive “macho”, in fact, was not very sexually skilled. And of course, it is not the sex itself that is important to him, but the opportunity to experience the thrill once again. Spontaneous sex, where necessary, is, of course, original, but does the partner think about feelings and desires, women, if he really often and persistently tries to master her, either on the staircase, or in a public park, or in a cinema toilet ?
Everything is clear: there are many naked girls who simply languish without such a fighter …
And while he is gone, they help each other in all available ways.
About half of the men fantasize about a friendly party with two dozen naked participants and participants. However, only about two percent decide to do this, and even under the age of 25. So, whatever the child is having fun …
10. Sex in the office of his own boss
Such a fantasy has little to do with sex.Often a man who dreams of having sex in the boss’s office with his secretary or wife, for example, dreams of rising above his boss. As a rule, such a man thinks that the boss does not appreciate or love him. You have to somehow become “higher” if you cannot surpass the boss in status and in the hierarchy!
11. Sex with a virgin
A common fantasy (and not only among young people). Firstly, for a man, this is a way to assert himself. Well, and, secondly, many believe that virgins have a special, narrow vagina, which gives incredible pleasure.
– If a man with the stubbornness of a maniac realizes this fantasy (and not just indulges in dreams), this, in the opinion of experts, often indicates that he has a small genital organ (therefore he needs a partner with a narrow vagina ) or a little sexual experience. This man strives to become the first in order to assert himself, although he forgets that “first” does not mean “best”.
Well, the question of whether such a “dreamer” is needed is up to every woman herself.
12. Sex with a man
It is estimated that about 7% of men secretly dream of same-sex sex. Moreover, as experts say, this does not mean at all that such men are gay. Perhaps they are bisexual. But this also does not mean anything, because a man, most likely, will never dare to fulfill his fantasies. Homophobic sentiments in society are too strong.
Normal or pathological?
Men are often preoccupied with their violent fantasies.But, according to experts, these fantasies are quite normal, if they do not develop into an obsession. Mentally imagining something does not mean doing or going to do it. Dreams cannot be confused with reality.
Behind the sadistic façade of fantasy lies something quite different. The man, as it were, wants to say that he imposes his will on the victim, not because he is cruel, but because of the desire to give her pleasure, which she cannot receive in another way. Sadistic and masochistic fantasies express a deep duality in the relationship of men to women.On the one hand, they want women, and on the other, they are angry that women have such power over them.
The gross error in understanding fantasies is that they are considered suppressed desires. In this case, some representatives of the stronger sex guiltily hide their fantasies, while others are looking for opportunities to realize them in real life. However, there are those who, without any sense of guilt, regularly resort to their help for arousal. And this, psychologists say, is quite normal.
According to experts, sexual fantasies in a mature man help him to get away from depression, to protect himself from the oppression of everyday life. This is akin to how, for example, a person travels in a bus in winter, but at the same time remembers about the rest in the south.
However, there is one limitation here: if a man has realized a fantasy, he will not want it a second time – because in real life people often want completely different sex than they imagine.
Men: Silence or Talk?
Men sometimes wonder if they should share their sexual fantasies with their women? The second most common male fantasy question is, “How can I get her to repeat everything that happens in my fantasy?”That is, how to get a woman to sexually satisfy him the way he wants?
Sometimes experts give a man advice to express his desire in detail, and not in the form of a request. If possible, he needs to find an erotic passage in a book or film that presents what he would like. Then you need to read or show it to your partner. And see how interested she is in what she listened to or seen before asking. Then it is better to kindly ask her.Some experts advise men to be very careful when discussing sexual fantasies with their partners, no matter how well they know or trust them.
Often a woman’s attitude to a man’s fantasy is determined by her age. If a woman is in her thirties, then perhaps her husband’s fantastic tale of how a group of sexually voracious Amazons forces him to satisfy their tribe on a daily basis will make her very aroused. If a woman is young, then such a “delusional” fantasy of a man will seriously offend her: how could he even think about having sex with someone else besides her ?!
How to relate to male sexual fantasies?
According to psychologists, if a person wants to realize his fantasies, this is, in general, not bad.Therefore, if a woman sees that a man really wants to try something, he has constant thoughts about it, it is better to always ask him about it. And then really act out a scene from his secret dreams. Fantasies, psychologists assure, need to play along – this will make sex more intense, vivid and long-lasting.
Although many women still prefer not to talk about it directly, but do it “in the process” of sex, trying to smoothly bring their partner to what he secretly desires with hints and caresses.
Well, if a man is unloved, then the woman herself should think about whether it is necessary to ask him about his sexual fantasies and quirks – what if she doesn’t like them?
What men want: hit parade of men’s fantasies
Men’s fantasies … What is it? It is fantasies, not dreams, not aspirations, not goals set for oneself. Is there any place for fantasies in our non-romantic male brains? After all, fantasy is something super-unreal, never possible, beyond.Contrary to the hackneyed female opinion that all our fantasies begin and end in bed, I am pleased to inform you: this is not so! Therefore, I present to you the hit parade of men’s fantasies! Top 5! Why not a dozen? Well, we’re men after all. All that we could.
5th place. Fifth place is occupied by various sexual fantasies. And I did not say that there are none at all! But they are only in fifth place. Unlike you girls, men’s erotic fantasies are purely mundane.No one dreams of sleeping with Brad Peet or even Angelina Jolie. We, men, dream of women that are unattainable, but quite real and close. About classmates, work colleagues, wife’s girlfriends, random encounters on the street. Alcohol significantly expands this list.
A huge number of men dream of a certain sexual position. About which they are most often embarrassed to ask their woman or believe that she will deliberately disagree. By the way, a romantic setting such as candles, silk underwear, champagne is completely absent in men’s fantasies.Sex with two, three, etc. at the same time, contrary to the prevailing stereotype, it is not a fantasy at all, but … a man’s joke. As a rule, something more interesting is hidden behind it, for example, to buy a Thai slave for carnal pleasures and perversions.
Implementation . Dear ladies! Leave us the opportunity to realize this fantasy ourselves. The only thing I want to ask for is to look around more often. Especially on the acquaintances of the men around you. What if you are the object of someone’s fantasies!
4th place. Fantasy often found in mature men. “I would have my current head yes 10, 15, 20 years ago! Wow, I would have been now … ”Options: rich, very rich, single, I would live in America, I would be the president of the country. And you can’t say that men with such fantasies are all losers. On the contrary, as a rule, these are solid, successful and wealthy people.
Implementation . You enroll in physics and mathematics, get a diploma, defend your candidate’s, doctoral thesis, become a full member of the Academy of Sciences, invent a time machine.And if by that time your man is still alive, realize his fantasy.
3rd place. Everyone knows that men are the same children! Therefore, a very common male fantasy concerns his favorite toys – cars. A car for a man is more than a means of transportation. This is a friend, this is an object of worship, this is a living entity. Men are much more outspoken with a car than with women. And in our fantasies, he takes a significant place. A swift and aggressive sports car, a powerful brutal SUV, an elegant and solid executive class car.Here I am proudly sitting behind the wheel of this handsome man, meeting with an indulgent half smile the envious glances of men and enthusiastic women. There is only him, me and the road, which runs away in an endless ribbon beyond the horizon. And let the whole world wait.
Implementation . In no case should you indulge a man in the realization of this fantasy. It may turn out that the world that “waits” includes you. And then, with the appearance of your man’s dream car, there are no guarantees that you will not be the next item “to replace”.So let him drive an old Audi. You are calmer.
2nd place. Over-ambition and narcissism – our name, men! Because our fantasies are collected here under one common slogan “I am the ruler of the world!”
Deep down, every second man would like to live in his personal paradise. The differences are only in the size of paradise. It is enough for someone to be a god and a king in their own family, with a mother-in-law in the role of a suppressed opposition, a wife and children as a plebs and a cat in the form of a “family ghost”.And for some, the universe is too small. To live for your own pleasure, any woman is available, we spit on those who are shorter, that is, at all. Sometimes we allow ourselves broad gestures like: “I declare the first day of the fifth week of February as a day off.” Ave me!