What happens during a female orgasm. How does female arousal work. What are the stages of sexual response in women. Are there health benefits to female orgasms. What are common misconceptions about women’s orgasms.

The Physiology of Female Orgasm: What Really Happens?

The female orgasm is a complex physiological response that occurs during sexual stimulation. But what exactly happens in a woman’s body during this intense moment of pleasure? Let’s explore the key physical changes:

• Increased blood flow to the genitals, enhancing sensitivity
• Elevated heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate
• Muscle twitches and spasms, particularly in the vaginal area
• Release of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine

These physical responses culminate in a powerful sensation of release and pleasure. However, it’s important to note that orgasms can vary greatly between individuals and even from one experience to another for the same person.

The Stages of Female Sexual Response

While researchers may disagree on the exact number and nature of stages, most theories include the following phases of sexual response in women:

1. Excitement: Initial arousal begins
2. Plateau: Arousal intensifies and levels off
3. Orgasm: Peak pleasure and release
4. Resolution: Arousal diminishes and the body returns to its pre-arousal state

Interestingly, many women have the capacity for multiple orgasms, meaning they can experience another climax shortly after the first without going through the entire cycle again. This is a key difference from the typical male sexual response, which usually requires a refractory period before another orgasm is possible.

Evolutionary Perspectives: Why Do Female Orgasms Exist?

The evolutionary purpose of the male orgasm is clear: it facilitates the release of sperm, which is crucial for reproduction. But what about female orgasms? Their evolutionary significance is less obvious and has been the subject of much scientific debate.

Some researchers propose that female orgasms may be a vestigial trait – a remnant of our evolutionary past that no longer serves a direct reproductive function. A 2016 study suggested that the female orgasm might be analogous to male nipples – a trait that persists because there’s no evolutionary pressure to eliminate it.

However, this doesn’t mean female orgasms are without purpose. They may serve important social and psychological functions:

• Encouraging sexual activity, which supports pair bonding
• Promoting relaxation and stress relief
• Enhancing intimacy between partners

While these benefits may not directly impact reproduction, they could indirectly support evolutionary success by strengthening relationships and improving overall well-being.

Debunking Myths: Common Misconceptions About Female Orgasms

Despite increased awareness about female sexuality, many myths about women’s orgasms persist. Let’s address some of the most common misconceptions:

Myth: All Women Should Orgasm from Penetrative Sex

This is perhaps the most pervasive and harmful myth about female orgasms. The truth is, many women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, research suggests that only about 25% of women consistently orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. This doesn’t indicate any deficiency – it’s simply a reflection of female anatomy and the diversity of sexual response.

Myth: Women Who Can’t Orgasm Have Psychological Problems

While psychological factors can certainly impact sexual function, difficulty reaching orgasm isn’t necessarily a sign of mental health issues. Physical factors, hormonal imbalances, medications, and simply not having found the right type of stimulation can all contribute to orgasm difficulties. It’s important to approach this issue without judgment and consider all possible factors.

Myth: Vaginal Orgasms Are Superior to Clitoral Orgasms

This myth has its roots in Freudian psychology, which posited that vaginal orgasms were more “mature.” Modern sex research has thoroughly debunked this idea. There’s no scientific evidence to suggest that one type of orgasm is superior to another. What matters most is what feels pleasurable and satisfying to each individual.

Myth: Women Need to Be in Love to Orgasm

While emotional connection can certainly enhance sexual experiences for many people, it’s not a prerequisite for orgasm. Women, like men, are capable of experiencing physical pleasure and orgasm without deep emotional attachment. However, feeling safe, comfortable, and relaxed with a partner can make orgasm easier to achieve for many women.

The Health Benefits of Female Orgasms: Separating Fact from Fiction

While the internet is rife with claims about the health benefits of orgasms, from improved skin to better immunity, the scientific evidence for many of these claims is limited. However, that doesn’t mean orgasms don’t offer any health benefits. Let’s explore what we do know:

• Stress Relief: Orgasms trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins, which can help reduce stress and promote relaxation.
• Pain Relief: The hormones released during orgasm may help alleviate pain, including menstrual cramps for some women.
• Improved Sleep: The relaxation following orgasm can contribute to better sleep quality.
• Pelvic Floor Strengthening: The muscular contractions during orgasm can help strengthen pelvic floor muscles, which is beneficial for bladder control and sexual function.
• Cardiovascular Exercise: Sexual activity, including orgasm, can be a form of light cardiovascular exercise.

While these benefits are real, it’s important to note that they’re generally short-term effects. Regular sexual activity and orgasms may contribute to overall well-being, but they’re not a cure-all for health issues.

Female Orgasms and Fertility: Is There a Connection?

A common question is whether female orgasms play a role in conception. While women don’t need to orgasm to become pregnant, some research suggests there might be a subtle link between orgasms and fertility.

One small study found that uterine contractions during orgasm might help retain sperm, potentially increasing the chances of fertilization. However, it’s important to note that this research is preliminary and larger, more robust studies are needed to confirm these findings.

Even if female orgasms do slightly increase the odds of conception, they’re certainly not necessary for pregnancy. Many women conceive without experiencing orgasm during the fertile window.

Achieving Orgasm: Techniques and Tips for Women

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving orgasm, here are some general tips that many women find helpful:

1. Explore Self-Pleasure: Masturbation can help you understand what types of touch and stimulation you enjoy most.
2. Communicate with Partners: Don’t be afraid to guide your partner and express your preferences.
3. Focus on Clitoral Stimulation: Many women find this is key to reaching orgasm.
4. Try Different Positions: Experiment to find what works best for you.
5. Use Lubricant: This can enhance comfort and sensitivity.
6. Incorporate Sex Toys: Vibrators and other toys can provide types of stimulation that might be difficult to achieve manually.
7. Practice Relaxation Techniques: Stress and anxiety can inhibit orgasm, so finding ways to relax can be helpful.

Remember, the journey to orgasm is as important as the destination. Focus on pleasure and enjoyment rather than making orgasm the sole goal of sexual activity.

When to Seek Help: Addressing Orgasm Difficulties

While variations in orgasmic experiences are normal, persistent difficulties reaching orgasm can be frustrating and may impact sexual satisfaction and relationships. When should you consider seeking professional help?

• If you’ve never experienced an orgasm and want to
• If you used to have orgasms but now struggle to reach climax
• If orgasms are consistently unsatisfying or accompanied by pain
• If orgasm difficulties are causing distress or relationship problems

Healthcare providers who can help with orgasm issues include:

• Gynecologists
• Urologists
• Sex therapists
• Pelvic floor physical therapists
• Mental health professionals specializing in sexual health

These professionals can help identify any underlying physical or psychological factors contributing to orgasm difficulties and suggest appropriate treatments or strategies.

Understanding female orgasms is crucial for promoting sexual health, satisfaction, and overall well-being. By dispelling myths, acknowledging the diversity of sexual experiences, and fostering open communication about pleasure, we can contribute to more fulfilling sexual lives for women and their partners. Remember, there’s no “normal” when it comes to orgasms – what matters most is your personal satisfaction and comfort with your sexual experiences.

Everything you need to know

A female orgasm can be a highly pleasurable experience during masturbation or sexual activity. Male-dominated norms mean much about the female orgasm remains misunderstood, and harmful myths persist.

In this article, we look at why female orgasms occur and what happens during an orgasm. We also debunk some common misconceptions.

Share on PinterestAn orgasm can cause intense pleasure, which may have its own benefits.

The benefits of the male orgasm are clear. Men must ejaculate to deposit sperm in the vagina, possibly leading to pregnancy. The male orgasm, therefore, serves a clear evolutionary purpose.

The purpose of the female orgasm is less clear. Researchers have suggested numerous potential benefits, but few have been rigorously tested, and no theory has conclusive scientific support.

Not everything the body does has a clear purpose, however. Scientists have not discovered the evolutionary benefits of some traits that have persisted in humans.

A 2016 study argues that the female orgasm may have no obvious evolutionary benefit and that it may be a relic of a time when the hormones associated with orgasm were necessary for a woman to ovulate.

Since there was no evolutionary need to eliminate the female orgasm, it persisted even when it was no longer necessary for fertility.

Orgasm may serve important purposes, however. The pleasure it can cause can encourage females to have sex. This may also promote bonding with a sexual partner, which does have significant evolutionary benefits.

During arousal, blood flow to the genitals increases, causing them to become more sensitive.

As arousal increases, a person’s heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate may also increase. As orgasm approaches, the muscles may twitch or spasm. Many women experience rhythmic muscle spasms in the vagina during an orgasm.

Several researchers have proposed that sexual response follows specific stages, though their theories about these stages differ.

Still, most theories include the following stages:

• excitement, during which arousal builds
• plateau, during which arousal increases and levels off
• orgasm, which causes intense feelings of pleasure
• resolution, during which arousal diminishes

Many females are able to have another orgasm after resolution, whereas males usually require a period of rest before having another orgasm.

While the internet is filled with articles promising that orgasms improve skin, hair, and overall health, there is little scientific evidence that orgasms offer any specific health benefits.

Scientists have not identified any evolutionary benefits of female orgasms or found that orgasms improve health.

But orgasms are pleasurable, and pleasure can be its own benefit. Pleasurable sex may improve a person’s mood, relieve stress, boost immunity, and foster better relationships.

Women do not need to orgasm to get pregnant. However, a limited body of evidence suggests that orgasms may boost fertility.

One very small study, for example, measured whether there was better sperm retention after female orgasm. While the results confirmed this, proving that the female body retains sperm better after an orgasm will require larger studies with designs of higher quality.

People hold many misconceptions about female orgasms. Some myths include:

Women who cannot orgasm have psychological problems.

While trauma, relationship issues, and poor mental health can make it more difficult to orgasm, many people with healthy sexual attitudes and good relationships still have difficulties.

An orgasm is both a physical and psychological response, and numerous health problems can make it more difficult to enjoy sex in this way.

Some people struggle to orgasm due to inadequate lubrication. This may happen while taking hormonal birth control, or during or after pregnancy, or due to menopause.

Also, women can experience vulvodynia, which refers to unexplained pain in the vagina or around the vulva. Treating this and other medical conditions may improve sexual pleasure.

Orgasms from penetrative sex are common or the healthiest form of sexual expression.

Self-appointed experts, mostly men, have long told women that they must orgasm from heterosexual intercourse. However, many women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Sigmund Freud argued that the vaginal orgasm was the superior and more mature orgasm. No evidence supports this claim.

Women cannot have vaginal orgasms.

While vaginal orgasms are less common than those from clitoral stimulation, some women have them — with or without other stimulation.

The female orgasm can result from many types of stimulation, including vaginal, clitoral, and nipple contact.

Not everyone orgasms from the same type of stimulation.

Women need to be in love to orgasm.

Orgasm is a complex psychological and biological experience — reaching and experiencing orgasm is not the same for every woman. Some women may need to feel love to orgasm, while others may not.

A person’s relationship with their partner may or may not influence their ability to orgasm during sex.

A 2018 study found that 86% of lesbian women said they usually or always orgasm during sex, compared to just 66% of bisexual women and 65% of heterosexual women.

Participants were more likely to orgasm frequently if they:

• received more oral sex
• had longer-lasting sex
• reported higher relationship satisfaction
• asked for what they wanted in bed
• engaged in sexual emails or calls
• expressed love during sex
• acted out sexual fantasies
• tried new sexual positions

A partner can tell if a woman has had an orgasm.

There is no way to tell if a woman has had an orgasm without asking her. Some people make noises during an orgasm, while others are silent. Some flush or sweat after an orgasm, but others do not.

A person who wants to know if their partner has had an orgasm can ask without being confrontational.

If the answer is no, avoid judgment, anger, or feelings of inadequacy — these can put pressure on the person to orgasm, which can lead to anxiety and make it more difficult. Instead, discuss whether they would prefer a different approach to sex.

Being unable to orgasm is a common issue, and it can occur for a variety of reasons. Some people may not receive the right kind of stimulation during sex, while others may have experienced trauma linked to sex. Others may simply be uninterested.

A 2018 analysis of 135 prior studies identified several factors that increase the risk of sexual dysfunction, including:

• relationship problems
• stress
• mental health issues
• poor physical health
• genitourinary issues, such as pelvic pain
• a history of abortion
• a history of female genital mutilation
• sexual abuse
• being religious, perhaps due to sexual shame and stigma

The same study identified several modifiable risk factors that improve sexual experience, including:

• exercise
• daily affection from a partner
• a positive body image
• sex education
• intimate communication with a partner

Masturbation can help a person find what feels good to them. Some other strategies that might help include:

• using sexual lubricants to make sex more comfortable
• asking a partner to stimulate the clitoris during sex
• masturbating during sex
• discussing fantasies with a partner
• telling a partner if something does not feel good

The aforementioned 2018 study that compared orgasm frequency among people of various sexual orientations in the United States found that the following behaviors during sex increase the likelihood of women having an orgasm:

• deep kissing
• genital stimulation during vaginal intercourse
• oral sex

If self-help strategies do not work, a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunction may be able to identify a problem, if there is one.

Many medical issues can make having an orgasm difficult, including:

• a lack of lubrication
• hormonal imbalances
• pelvic pain
• muscle dysfunction
• a history of trauma

When trauma or relationship problems make having an orgasm difficult, or when a person feels ashamed of sex or their desires, individual or couples counseling can help.

Serious scientific research into the female orgasm is relatively recent. Even some doctors may still believe myths about the female orgasm or think that it is unimportant to the female sexual experience.

This means that many people may have trouble accessing reliable information about orgasms.

A competent, compassionate medical professional can help a person understand the process of orgasm and identify potential barriers to sexual satisfaction.

There is no right way to orgasm and no correct way to feel about sex. People should pursue what feels good to them.

Everything you need to know

A female orgasm can be a highly pleasurable experience during masturbation or sexual activity. Male-dominated norms mean much about the female orgasm remains misunderstood, and harmful myths persist.

In this article, we look at why female orgasms occur and what happens during an orgasm. We also debunk some common misconceptions.

Share on PinterestAn orgasm can cause intense pleasure, which may have its own benefits.

The benefits of the male orgasm are clear. Men must ejaculate to deposit sperm in the vagina, possibly leading to pregnancy. The male orgasm, therefore, serves a clear evolutionary purpose.

The purpose of the female orgasm is less clear. Researchers have suggested numerous potential benefits, but few have been rigorously tested, and no theory has conclusive scientific support.

Not everything the body does has a clear purpose, however. Scientists have not discovered the evolutionary benefits of some traits that have persisted in humans.

A 2016 study argues that the female orgasm may have no obvious evolutionary benefit and that it may be a relic of a time when the hormones associated with orgasm were necessary for a woman to ovulate.

Since there was no evolutionary need to eliminate the female orgasm, it persisted even when it was no longer necessary for fertility.

Orgasm may serve important purposes, however. The pleasure it can cause can encourage females to have sex. This may also promote bonding with a sexual partner, which does have significant evolutionary benefits.

During arousal, blood flow to the genitals increases, causing them to become more sensitive.

As arousal increases, a person’s heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate may also increase. As orgasm approaches, the muscles may twitch or spasm. Many women experience rhythmic muscle spasms in the vagina during an orgasm.

Several researchers have proposed that sexual response follows specific stages, though their theories about these stages differ.

Still, most theories include the following stages:

• excitement, during which arousal builds
• plateau, during which arousal increases and levels off
• orgasm, which causes intense feelings of pleasure
• resolution, during which arousal diminishes

Many females are able to have another orgasm after resolution, whereas males usually require a period of rest before having another orgasm.

While the internet is filled with articles promising that orgasms improve skin, hair, and overall health, there is little scientific evidence that orgasms offer any specific health benefits.

Scientists have not identified any evolutionary benefits of female orgasms or found that orgasms improve health.

But orgasms are pleasurable, and pleasure can be its own benefit. Pleasurable sex may improve a person’s mood, relieve stress, boost immunity, and foster better relationships.

Women do not need to orgasm to get pregnant. However, a limited body of evidence suggests that orgasms may boost fertility.

One very small study, for example, measured whether there was better sperm retention after female orgasm. While the results confirmed this, proving that the female body retains sperm better after an orgasm will require larger studies with designs of higher quality.

People hold many misconceptions about female orgasms. Some myths include:

Women who cannot orgasm have psychological problems.

While trauma, relationship issues, and poor mental health can make it more difficult to orgasm, many people with healthy sexual attitudes and good relationships still have difficulties.

An orgasm is both a physical and psychological response, and numerous health problems can make it more difficult to enjoy sex in this way.

Some people struggle to orgasm due to inadequate lubrication. This may happen while taking hormonal birth control, or during or after pregnancy, or due to menopause.

Also, women can experience vulvodynia, which refers to unexplained pain in the vagina or around the vulva. Treating this and other medical conditions may improve sexual pleasure.

Orgasms from penetrative sex are common or the healthiest form of sexual expression.

Self-appointed experts, mostly men, have long told women that they must orgasm from heterosexual intercourse. However, many women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Sigmund Freud argued that the vaginal orgasm was the superior and more mature orgasm. No evidence supports this claim.

Women cannot have vaginal orgasms.

While vaginal orgasms are less common than those from clitoral stimulation, some women have them — with or without other stimulation.

The female orgasm can result from many types of stimulation, including vaginal, clitoral, and nipple contact.

Not everyone orgasms from the same type of stimulation.

Women need to be in love to orgasm.

Orgasm is a complex psychological and biological experience — reaching and experiencing orgasm is not the same for every woman. Some women may need to feel love to orgasm, while others may not.

A person’s relationship with their partner may or may not influence their ability to orgasm during sex.

A 2018 study found that 86% of lesbian women said they usually or always orgasm during sex, compared to just 66% of bisexual women and 65% of heterosexual women.

Participants were more likely to orgasm frequently if they:

• received more oral sex
• had longer-lasting sex
• reported higher relationship satisfaction
• asked for what they wanted in bed
• engaged in sexual emails or calls
• expressed love during sex
• acted out sexual fantasies
• tried new sexual positions

A partner can tell if a woman has had an orgasm.

There is no way to tell if a woman has had an orgasm without asking her. Some people make noises during an orgasm, while others are silent. Some flush or sweat after an orgasm, but others do not.

A person who wants to know if their partner has had an orgasm can ask without being confrontational.

If the answer is no, avoid judgment, anger, or feelings of inadequacy — these can put pressure on the person to orgasm, which can lead to anxiety and make it more difficult. Instead, discuss whether they would prefer a different approach to sex.

Being unable to orgasm is a common issue, and it can occur for a variety of reasons. Some people may not receive the right kind of stimulation during sex, while others may have experienced trauma linked to sex. Others may simply be uninterested.

A 2018 analysis of 135 prior studies identified several factors that increase the risk of sexual dysfunction, including:

• relationship problems
• stress
• mental health issues
• poor physical health
• genitourinary issues, such as pelvic pain
• a history of abortion
• a history of female genital mutilation
• sexual abuse
• being religious, perhaps due to sexual shame and stigma

The same study identified several modifiable risk factors that improve sexual experience, including:

• exercise
• daily affection from a partner
• a positive body image
• sex education
• intimate communication with a partner

Masturbation can help a person find what feels good to them. Some other strategies that might help include:

• using sexual lubricants to make sex more comfortable
• asking a partner to stimulate the clitoris during sex
• masturbating during sex
• discussing fantasies with a partner
• telling a partner if something does not feel good

The aforementioned 2018 study that compared orgasm frequency among people of various sexual orientations in the United States found that the following behaviors during sex increase the likelihood of women having an orgasm:

• deep kissing
• genital stimulation during vaginal intercourse
• oral sex

If self-help strategies do not work, a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunction may be able to identify a problem, if there is one.

Many medical issues can make having an orgasm difficult, including:

• a lack of lubrication
• hormonal imbalances
• pelvic pain
• muscle dysfunction
• a history of trauma

When trauma or relationship problems make having an orgasm difficult, or when a person feels ashamed of sex or their desires, individual or couples counseling can help.

Serious scientific research into the female orgasm is relatively recent. Even some doctors may still believe myths about the female orgasm or think that it is unimportant to the female sexual experience.

This means that many people may have trouble accessing reliable information about orgasms.

A competent, compassionate medical professional can help a person understand the process of orgasm and identify potential barriers to sexual satisfaction.

There is no right way to orgasm and no correct way to feel about sex. People should pursue what feels good to them.

reasons and what to do to achieve it

18+

We know so many interesting things about sex and your body, but still only 30% of women regularly experience orgasms. Why is this happening (or rather, not happening)? The answer must be sought in the head.

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A man (without health problems) needs a physical stimulus to achieve orgasm. There is a partner and contact with her, which means that with skillful actions, the climax will not be long in coming. It’s more difficult for women. You need a mood, appropriate fantasies and the ability to focus on your feelings. And not only this.

It’s hard to get an orgasm: a root cause from childhood

It’s rare for a woman to have an orgasm in her first sexual relationship. This is because sensuality takes time to mature. And this period is determined by the type of sexual constitution. Conventionally, it is of two types: weak and strong.

Facts about the female orgasm

Weak constitution – in girls with late onset of regular menstruation (15-17 years) and late onset of sexual desire (14-17 years).
Strong – for those whose cycle is already established at 9–11 years old, and at 8–10 they experienced their first sexual interest.

A girl with a weak constitution matures longer, with a strong one – faster and more intensively. Thus, one of the obvious explanations for why a woman does not have an orgasm is the issue of puberty.

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“Artificial attempts to speed up and slow down this process can lead to violations in the psycho-sexual sphere, to psychological trauma, sexual problems,” warns sexologist Marina Firsova.

It can be said that sexuality finally awakens when a woman experiences her first orgasm. It is quite normal if this moment comes several months or even years after the start of an intimate life.

If a woman has reached orgasm at least once, and no matter how, it means that sexuality has already been awakened. And this opens up the opportunity to enjoy sex again and again.

“There are factors that inhibit and even block the enjoyment of pleasure: psychological, physiological, situational. The degree of their influence depends on age, sexual education and experience, personality type and character, temperament, sexual constitution and even education. Therefore, it is impossible to give universal advice “how to have an orgasm.” You can help a particular woman, taking into account all her characteristics, partner and situation, ”this is how sex psychiatrist Georgy Selyukov explains why you should visit a sexologist if you intend to realize your sexuality by five. And at the same time, figure out the reasons why a woman stopped getting an orgasm or never experienced it at all.

It’s hard to get an orgasm: a lesson in physiology

But we’ll still tell you something useful. To begin with, let’s figure out what an orgasm is, this will help to understand why a woman can’t get it. It turns out that this is not just a reaction of the genital organs to mechanical irritation: it is born in the brain and involves your entire body. In response to sexual stimulation, a powerful release of neurotransmitter hormones occurs in the brain.

• Serotonin enhances its activity, improves mood.
• Norepinephrine increases the level of arousal.
• Dopamine causes a feeling of pleasure.
• Endorphins – a state of euphoria.
• Oxytocin is a hormone that causes not only vaginal and uterine contractions, but also a sense of trust in a sexual partner.

The interval of vaginal contractions is about 0.8 seconds. Breathing becomes more frequent, the pulse reaches 180 beats per minute or more, blood pressure rises by 20–40 mm Hg. Art. During orgasm, the pattern of female brain activity resembles that of an epileptic seizure. And then many areas of the brain seem to turn off.

On the tomograms of the brain of a woman experiencing the peak of pleasure, one can see how the centers responsible for fear, logical thinking and even emotions stop working. Only the cerebellum remains active, which controls movement and sensation. The fireworks of this activity ends with a real “reboot” of the system.

Despite these impressive details, scientists are still figuring out why it is difficult for a woman to have an orgasm. The mechanisms of attraction, arousal, and sexual release are still poorly understood.

On the other hand, this is what is known for certain: the psyche is primarily responsible for sexual arousal, while the body is only its conductor. Sometimes just one thought about that tall brunette with whom you occasionally meet by chance in the morning in a cafe is enough, and the first signs of arousal make themselves felt. Among them, the following are the most common:

• increased heart rate
• a pleasant weakness appears in the lower abdomen (this is due to the fact that the pelvic organs are filled with blood)
• the walls of the vagina are moistened

If the “mood of love” does not appear, there will be no physiological reaction that will prepare the body for the act of love. Therefore, there will be no orgasm either. And in general, most likely, everything will pass without enthusiasm. That’s why a long prelude is so important to us. Thanks to her, the appropriate erotic signals will be sent to the brain and the body will tune in to a sexual mood.

Reasons for lack of orgasm: long onset

Famous sex coach Alex Mei explains to men in his trainings that foreplay should last at least 40 minutes (for which we are extremely grateful to him). Yes, yes, we have all heard the word “prelude” a thousand times, but few people understand what, in fact, to take this time.

If you’re in such a quandary yourself, what to say about men who have no idea why some women don’t have orgasms. They would rather solve the differential equation than answer this question. Men are not built like we are: their excitement appears quickly, is rapidly realized and instantly fades away. Therefore, it is difficult for them to understand women’s needs. But you do not call yourself partners in vain: you must help your chosen one and show what exactly excites you. And already it excites excited you. And it doesn’t matter – in lace or cotton shorts, believe me.

An ideal foreplay would be such, during which you will not touch each other’s intimate areas for some time: the female body, in principle, is almost 10 times more sensitive than the male. And excitement turns the entire surface of the skin into one continuous erogenous zone. Unless, of course, you feel relaxed, calm and comfortable next to this person.

But in order to better understand why it is difficult for a woman to have an orgasm, it is important to understand what exactly to do? How to fix the current situation? First of all, you need to become aware of your preferences by analyzing the situations that caused you sexual arousal. For example, fantasies and sequences of actions during masturbation. However, all this is secondary. The most important thing is how close the partner is to your “sexual ideal”.

Scientists have proven that women who are in love with their man get more orgasms. True, 2-3% of us have an extremely strong sexual constitution, when physiology dominates psychology. Such girls can achieve a full-fledged orgasm even with a man they despise – if he caresses her correctly.

“Sex is a unique physiological function, the only one of all that involves the participation of two people at once,” says gynecologist Valentina Yavnyuk. “Therefore, it requires full partnerships, equal commitment and willingness to give of oneself.”

If your man categorically does not want to change and go for creative cooperation, you must honestly admit that nothing will happen from changing positions. But from a change of partner… It is no longer necessary to solve a difficult puzzle why an adult woman cannot get an orgasm. It’s just that a specific person doesn’t suit her.

Finally, besides relationships, our ability to experience enchanting relaxation is influenced by various little things:

• the day of the monthly cycle (its middle is the realm of orgasm)
• degree of fatigue
• amount of sleep
• level of self-esteem
• cultural prejudices
• religious beliefs
• feeling of social security
• and even financial difficulties

9006 2

We can conclude why a woman does not get an orgasm during sex: she constantly the mind is busy with something. Whether she is engaged in self-digging, solves domestic problems or has complexes, it is not so important. She is unable to relax and free herself from an extraneous burden.

A woman does not experience an orgasm: she needs to relieve stress

“From a medical point of view, sexual intercourse without an orgasm is not a very useful activity,” says Valentina Yavnyuk. With an increase in excitation, a lot of blood rushes to the genitals and pelvic organs, leaving other areas “underserved” for a while. Orgasm causes the uterus, pelvic floor muscles and abs to spasm, as if “squeezing” the tissues from excess blood. After that, blood flow returns to normal. This helps to avoid gynecological problems and maintain attraction.

What will help you to enjoy yourself? You have already understood that the main trigger of orgasm – arousal – appears due to your feelings for your partner. And even if you have lived together for ten years, you need to develop relationships in such a way that trust and intimacy are maintained. Psychologists call this “establishing feedback”: you must hear and feel each other, adjust your behavior, taking into account the partner’s reaction. It takes effort and quite a lot of time. Why doesn’t a woman always get an orgasm? Because none of you wants to waste this energy, or just burned out, tired, and a hundred more similar explanations. But, you must admit, a strong emotional connection between you is worth these costs.

Simple steps to help you enjoy sex can be done now. American sexologist Jan Kerner claims that in 8 out of 10 cases, orgasm eludes us due to insufficient stimulation of the clitoris. Therefore, try to choose a position that allows you to caress yourself at this important point.

Not bad for exploring your feelings is the position of a rider. Hands are free, you can control the degree of penetration, and a very exciting view of a liberated naked woman opens up in front of your partner.

DIY

The myths about the dangers of masturbation are only half false. And it’s not at all about the moral side of the issue. Our body in the process of sexual maturation learns new ways of feeling. You are unconsciously learning the art of sex with every new experience.

“Regular masturbation at a conscious age can lead to the consolidation of a “pattern” that most often cannot be repeated with a partner. This is the so-called maladaptive masturbation, which can seriously harm the further sexual life, ”explains Marina Firsova.

This is one of the major reasons why a woman does not have a vaginal orgasm with a man. If you experience pleasure alone with yourself, but not during sex, an intermediate step on the way to the desired result will be masturbation in the presence of a partner. This delicately presented idea will help you move to a new level of trust and excite your partner just as much as you.

Why women rarely experience orgasms, an author’s column on 74.RU – November 14, 2019

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According to a woman from Yekaterinburg, the lack of orgasm in women and its frequent imitation speak of the deep problems of our society

org/Person”> Photo: Artem Ustyuzhanin / E1.RU

a – Internet marketer, former head of the department for development of social networks. Ekaterinburg travels and blogs on social networks. The girl decided to read research about female orgasms and found a lot of interesting things there. For example, only 8% of women get orgasms only from vaginal penetration – the rest 92% need additional stimulation.


Statistically, heterosexual women also experience fewer orgasms than bisexual and homosexual women. She wrote a column about all this, as well as the reasons for the lack of orgasms in women, which she published on her Instagram page.

This topic came up unexpectedly in a conversation with a friend, and then suddenly again and again when communicating with relatives and not so much. Looks like a lot of people are sick, myself included. I want to share my observations.

As you know, not all girls have an orgasm and not always. And that’s not bad. The purpose of sex is not always orgasm. What kind of goals can we talk about here? Sex is more a process than a result, and you should like it all, from beginning to end. Otherwise, what’s the point in it? To suffer a little, in my opinion, is dishonest both in relation to oneself and in relation to a partner. And in the long run it can lead to the death of intimate life in a relationship.

But on the part of men, I often encountered a different attitude towards sex. They want my orgasm (orgasm partner in principle). As if this is the main sign of their male solvency. The girl orgasmed – I’m a macho man, anyone will end with me. You can hang a medal on your chest – I’m an orgasmator.

And the macho man will torment his partner to the bitter end… Do you remember that Miranda got such a man in Sex and the City? She did not want to pretend, but when the mucous was close to friction burns, Miranda faked a violent orgasm. It seems to me that the myth of female (especially multiple) orgasm spoils a good thing – sex. It’s better to aim for overall sexual satisfaction, and that doesn’t always equal orgasm.

I decided to look for information on the Internet. Imagine, over the past 80 years there have been at least 33 studies on this topic. I will rely on an article from Lifehacker and personal experience. Some statistics. Only a quarter of women regularly experience orgasms during intercourse. However, only 8% of women are able to experience an orgasm solely from vaginal penetration. In these lucky women, the clitoris is closer to the vagina than the rest. And others 92% require additional caresses of the genitals, massage and everything else that you yourself know. But at the same time, the techniques and skills of a partner do not guarantee an orgasm! Orgasm happens in the brain and depends on many aspects.

In the first place among the orgasm factors was the woman’s psychological comfort and partner’s trust. Think about it! Psychological comfort. What can be orgasms at the first sex?! At this point, many women generally experience stress. Will he notice extra fat on the buttocks, regrown hairs on the legs and unpainted gray hair in the head? Maybe I gave too soon? Will he stay with me after this sex? Do I look excited enough and satisfied with his actions?

A variety of practices can help here. It turns out that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms than bisexual and homosexual women. Have you already guessed why? Because of the variety of practices. There is no single algorithm for how to bring a woman to orgasm. Yes, boys, you will have to tinker with each and find out what this particular lady likes. For the sake of fairness, I will say that the rule also applies to men, they are also not so obvious and simple. Different people like different things.

And now about something very sad. The lack of orgasm in women and its frequent imitation speak of the deep problems of our society! About the attitude towards the woman. Pay attention to the causes of anorgasmia in women.

1. Traumatic experience . Every third woman in the world has experienced some form of sexual violence or harassment! At the same time, most of the victims were under the age of 18, and the culprit was a relative. In our country, everything is aggravated by the lack of support from society: it is her own fault, and that’s it. For such women, intimacy becomes a test. What perishing here orgasms.
2. Critical attitude to their body is acquired by women in childhood. And, unfortunately, it is instilled by their own parents in the process of accustoming to hygiene. If the genitals cannot be touched, but only washed, masturbation is severely punished, then the entire lower body becomes something shameful, associated with bowel movements. How to enjoy the touch of a stranger to your shame?
3. In the process of upbringing, a negative attitude towards sex is often absorbed , but to the people who deal with it, as dirty, bad, sinful.
4. Fear of losing control . Women are afraid to freely express themselves during sex precisely because of the fear of losing control over the situation. And an orgasm is an uncontrollable thing.

But times are changing. 40 years ago, the topic of female satisfaction was not taken seriously at all. What is there, I think, and my post will cause an embarrassed, bewildered smile from many. Modern people are much more liberated in comparison with our parents or especially grandmothers. And this is good.

So, let’s orgasm, I mean, to summarize:

1. Women’s sexual satisfaction is important. And it doesn’t equal orgasm.
2. Sex should not turn into a race to survive for an orgasm. But rather in the process of studying each other, gradual psychological rapprochement, increasing trust and disclosure.
3. And it’s also a process of getting to know yourself. To finally see yourself, to consider from all sides, including from below, and admit that you are devilishly good-looking, no matter how you look at it. That you are like this, with all the folds and hairs, you have the right to get high from your body and the body of your partner. And more than that, learning to get high on yourself is your responsibility. It’s unlikely that anyone will do it for you.

Become selfish, admit to yourself and your man what you really want. Or honestly say that you have no idea what you want. You don’t know where the magic “orgasm” button is in your body, and you need to find out together. And the desire and pleasure of the partner will wait.

Do you want to share your thoughts on current topics for the author’s column on 74.RU? Write to us at editorial mail , to our group at Facebook , as well as in messengers by dialing +7–93–23–0000–74.

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Irina Kazakova

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