How to Make a Woman Orgasm: Advice From Sex Therapists

• Set the mood by dimming the lights, giving each other massages to relax, or lighting candles.
• To give someone a clitoral orgasm, be sure to stimulate the entire area and ask your partner what they like.
• To give someone a vaginal orgasm, try positions like doggy style and cowgirl to stimulate the G-spot.

Making someone with a vulva orgasm can be tricky. While 95% of heterosexual men report that they always or usually orgasm from sex, only 65% of heterosexual women say the same. 

Furthermore, it’s estimated that just about 18% of women say penetration alone is enough to have an orgasm, and that about 37% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. 

Needless to say, people with vulvas need some extra TLC and special attention to erogenous zones in order to become fully aroused, feel pleasure, and ultimately, have an orgasm.  

Here are some sex therapist approved tips for giving someone with a vulva an orgasm.

Set the mood

Before diving right into sexual activity, it can help to set the mood. Compared to people with penises, vulva owners tend to need more time to build arousal, says Sari Cooper, LCSW, certified sex therapist and founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex. 

You can set the mood by tapping into your partners’ senses, depending on their personal preferences. For example, Cooper says you may try:

• Having you and/or your partner slip into something sexy
• Dimming the lights in a romantic way
• Lighting candles or incense for pleasurable scents
• Giving each other erotic massages to relax the body 

These are steps you can take to not only help your partner get turned on, but also to help them relax, which is essential for having a great orgasm. As always, communication is key. Listen carefully to what your partner says so that you can cultivate an environment and experience that’s sexy to them.

How to give someone a clitoral orgasm

Clitoral stimulation is key for many people with vulvas. Here are four tips for giving someone a clitoral orgasm. 

1. Ask your partner what they like

The clitoris is very nerve-dense and incredibly sensitive, says Jordan Rullo, PhD, certified sex therapist with women’s health app Flo. 

Due to its sensitivity, some people may prefer indirect clitoral stimulation instead of direct stimulation. 

Everyone’s different, so communicating with your partner and asking them what they like can save you some trouble and result in more pleasure for them.

 “If they don’t know, try circular rubbing on the clitoris and near the clitoris, all along asking your partner how it feels or using their non-verbal cues to guide your movements,” says Rullo.

If you aren’t getting a lot of obvious signs that your partner is feeling good, you can ask one-word easy questions to keep the vibe going, Cooper says. For example, she says you can ask: 

• More?
• Circles?
• Strokes?
• Softer?

2. Stimulate the entire clitoris

The clitoris is more than just the external pea-sized bump at the top of the vaginal lips — there are also the bulbs of the clitoris, comprised of erectile tissue, which can actually be stimulated through the labia, says Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. 

To do this, O’Reilly says you can cup your hand around their lips, resting your hand on the pelvic mound, and then pulse, rub, or grind in this area. Or, you can use a vibrating toy across the entire length of the lips. 

3. Give oral sex

For many people, oral sex can be a surefire path to pleasure and orgasm, says O’Reilly. When giving oral sex, O’Reilly recommends trying out these tips:

• Lick around the thighs first to build anticipation
• Stick your tongue out and press it against their lips, moving your head slowly back and forth like you’re shaking your head “no”
• Use your thumb to rub the clitoris while using your mouth lower on the vagina
• Experiment with different pressure and intensities
• Follow the rhythm of their hips
• Look up at them and make eye contact
• Tell them how much you love going down on them 

4.

Use sex toys

Incorporating sex toys in the bedroom is a great way to bring some new excitement into sex as well as increase likelihood of orgasm. 

Cooper says you can ask your partner to show you how they like to use toys themselves so you get to learn what they like, and from there, you can follow their lead or add in some of your own moves. 

Typical vibrators are great, or your partner may prefer a newer type of toy that creates suction and uses air for different types of sensations.

Best sex toys

Alyssa Powell/Business Insider

If you are looking to incorporate toys in the bedroom but aren’t sure where to start, check out our guide to the best sex toys.

• Best vibrator for couples involving females: We-Vibe Tango X – See at We-Vibe
• Best budget vibrator: Vibe – See at Maude
•  Best butt plug: Anal Training Kit & Education Set – See at B-Vibe

How to give someone a vaginal orgasm

When people talk about vaginal orgasms, they’re typically referring to G-spot orgasms. The G-spot is an erogenous zone that’s about two inches deep into the vagina, on its front wall. It’s believed that G-spot orgasms occur because it’s actually the internal parts of the clitoris being stimulated. Here are four tips for giving someone this type of orgasm.

1. Be sure they’re warmed up

If someone’s going to have a vaginal orgasm, it’s more likely to occur if they’ve had a clitoral orgasm first, Cooper says. So, you may want to use the above tips for clitoral orgasm before moving internally. Additionally, O’Reilly suggests only going for G-spot stimulation once someone is highly aroused to make the experience more comfortable and pleasurable in general.

2. Use your fingers

To stimulate the G-spot manually, insert a finger and feel for a sponge-like area, and then do a “come hither” motion with your finger to stimulate the area, starting off slowly and then eventually going faster and using more pressure, says Rullo. 

Additionally, you can add another finger if your partner would like. Be sure to follow along with verbal and non-verbal cues to see what feels good for them, and don’t hesitate to ask for feedback so you know what they really want. 

3. Find the right positions

If you move on to penetrative sex, whether with a penis or a strap-on, Cooper says to aim for positions that make the G-spot easier to access. You can also try positions that put your partner in control, so that they can angle themselves to be hitting their G-spot and control the depth and intensity. A few positions great for G-spot orgasms are:

• Missionary (place a pillow or wedge under their hips to get a better angle)
• Doggy style
• Cowgirl 

4. Use sex toys

There are plenty of sex toys to choose from that are meant for the G-spot. Additionally, Cooper says you can opt for toys such as rabbit vibrators which will stimulate both the G-spot and the clitoris, which gives your partner the opportunity for a blended orgasm, and an increased chance at giving them an orgasm in general.

Insider’s takeaway

These tips are a great place to start if you’re looking to pleasure your partner with a vulva, but don’t forget to learn what your partner specifically likes so you have the best chance of pleasing them and giving them an orgasm. “Everybody is different, so communicate with your partners to find out what they like and keep an open mind. Explore for pleasure rather than touching to create one specific outcome,” says O’Reilly.

Ashley Laderer

Ashley Laderer is a freelance writer from New York who specializes in health and wellness. Follow her on Twitter @ashladerer

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Types of Orgasms and How to Have Them

An orgasm is a climax a person may experience during sex. It can be described as muscular contractions or tension release, accompanied by increased breathing and heartbeat. That said, there are different orgasms, and they may not feel the same for each person.

There’s a lot of talk about Big Os. And for good reason: They can enable you to experience Big Pleasure.

But what is an orgasm, exactly? Are all orgasms the same? And how can you tell where an orgasm is happening in the body? Below, sex educators answer these questions and more.

Trust. With the help of this guide, you can get the Os you deserve, from the fireworks-on-display kind to the calm oh-my-gods.

“There’s not a singular and widely agreed-upon definition of orgasm,” says Caitlin V. Neal, resident sexologist for sexual hygiene and body care company Royal.

“One operating definition of orgasm is that it’s a pleasurable release of sexual tension,” she says.

Also known as a climax or cum, an orgasm is sometimes defined as the fourth stage of a sexual encounter, with stages of anticipation, excitement, and plateau proceeding it. (This is known as the sexual response cycle).

Orgasming is often marked by a series of physical sensations, including:

• involuntary release of muscle tension
• series of muscular contractions
• verbal and auditory emissions of pleasure
• increased heart and breathing rate

But not everybody experiences sex and orgasm the same way.

Many pleasure seekers will say that they experience a variety of different types of orgasms, depending on what part(s) of their bodies are being stimulated.

And most sex educators agree that orgasms come in a variety of different lengths, intensities, and overall quality.

But here’s the thing: No matter how they’re categorized, it’s often difficult to discern what type of orgasm you’re having while you have it.

According to longtime sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of Early to Bed, a pleasure-product company in Chicago, Illinois that ships worldwide, that’s because the anatomical structures that can lead to orgasm are often intertwined and hard to distinguish.

“Someone might have an orgasm from stimulating the front wall of the vagina (the G-spot) or have an orgasm from stimulating the external portion of their clitoris, but ultimately these orgasms all come from the same place,” she says. (Did you know that the G-spot is actually the place where the clitoral legs hug the vaginal canal?).

The bottom line: Not every orgasm will feel the same. And touching different erogenous zones can result in different quality orgasms.

If exploring all the different types of sensations the body can bring joy and excite you, you might take pleasure in thinking about the different types of orgasms.

But as a general rule, Deysach warns against being overly specific about the “type” of orgasms you’re having. “Instead, I’d encourage folks to just be excited about any orgasm and type of pleasure.”

At the end of the day, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.

But (!) if you’re interested in fully exploring the pleasure-potential of your body in full, you might try stimulating a wider breadth of body parts. Each body part can create a specific orgasmic sensation, though there will be some variation from person to person.

While you’ll find sites reporting that there are anywhere from 12 different types of orgasms to just 1, we’ve decided to narrow in on just 6.

Check out the chart below to understand exactly what six different types of happy endings might feel like.

Orgasm type	What it can feel like
clitoral	You can often feel these orgasms on the surface of the body, like a tingly feeling along your skin, and in your brain.
vaginal	These orgasms are deeper in the body and are usually accompanied by pulsations of the vaginal canal walls. When the G-spot — a specific spot about 2 inches inside the front vaginal wall — is stimulated, it can result in ejaculation.
anal	During anal orgasm, the muscle contractions you feel will primarily be in the anal canal and around the anal sphincter. (And not inside the vagina).
combo or blended	When the vagina and the clitoris are stimulated at the same time, it tends to result in a more explosive orgasm. Sometimes these combo orgasms are accompanied by full-body trembles and tremors.
erogenous	Stimulating lesser-known erogenous parts of the body (ears, nipples, neck, elbows, knees, etc.) can cause a pleasurable release when kissed and played with. Some people describe the orgasm that follows as being more full-body, compared to other kinds of orgasms.
convulsing	Convulsing orgasms are orgasms that result in the pelvic floor muscles convulsing over and over and over again really quickly. These orgasms usually happen after a long buildup. Neal suggests doing this by edging yourself (meaning getting yourself close to orgasm without going over) repeatedly.

Bringing yourself to orgasm is a bit like making cookies.

Just like you’ll need slightly different ingredients for different types of cookies, you’ll need slightly different tools and touches for different kinds of orgasms.

Below, are tips on how to explore different types of orgasms.

Remember that experimenting and reaching orgasm doesn’t require a partner. Pleasure isn’t dependent and neither are you — the better you know your rhythm with fingers and toys, the faster you can teach a partner how you tango.

The clitoris is a nerve-rich hot spot.

The external portion of the clitoris peeks out from the tiptop of the vulva and is often covered by a hood.

One of the best ways to stimulate the external portion of the clitoris is by gently rubbing with the fingers, palm, or tongue in a back and forth or circular motion.

The internal portion of the clitoris can’t be seen, but can be stimulated through internal vaginal or anal pressure.

Steps to have a clitoral orgasm

1. Once the vulva begins to get wet — or after you add lube because not all vaginas get wet on their own — apply faster and harder pressure in a repetitive motion.
2. Top off this motion with heavy pressure as the orgasm begins to intensify the feeling. Back down a little if the clit is too sensitive.
3. If this is enough to get you off, that’s awesome! But no worries if it doesn’t, since this is not the be-all and end-all.

Let’s get this out of the way: Vaginal orgasms can be really pleasurable for people who can have them.

But the cultural belief that vaginal orgasms are better than any other kind of orgasm is absolute BS! There isn’t an orgasm hierarchy.

Steps to have a vaginal orgasm

1. When you’re aroused and lubricated enough for penetration, try inserting a finger, penis, or wand toy into your vaginal canal.
2. Angle the object or body part doing the penetrating toward the belly button, and make a “come hither” motion. This can stimulate the G-spot, and feels good for some people.
3. Explore using different pressures along this hot-spot until you find a pressure that feels good.
4. Repeat motions that feel good so that the feelings will build up.

Anal orgasms are something that anyone can have, however, what causes the orgasm is different between people with penises and folks with vulvae.

For people with penises, anal penetration can stimulate the prostate, which is a nerve-dense erogenous zone that’s analogous to the G-spot.

For folks with vaginas, anal penetration can stimulate the clitoral legs, as well as the A-spot or G-spot.

Steps to have an anal orgasm

1. Start by rubbing the outside of the anal opening with a finger or tongue, while also stimulating the front genitals.
2. Next, get the anal canal accustomed to being penetrated with lube and a finger. Key word here: Lube. Butts don’t naturally produce lubricant and the tissues in the anal canal are very delicate, which means the area is very prone to microtears when there’s inadequate lubrication.
3. Experiment with tapping, circling, and pressing against the wall.

To achieve a combo orgasm, combine clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously, either in parallel or opposite rhythms — whatever feels best for you or your partner.

Combining clitoral stimulation with vaginal stimulation is also the most common way to help someone squirt.

Pro tip: Wait until the receiver is thoroughly aroused before adding in penetrative play.

Erogenous zone orgasms are achieved exclusively through a lot of experimentation.

You may be able to orgasm from kisses on your neck, teeth on your nipples, or fingers on the inside of your elbows.

The best way to find your erogenous zones is to use a feather or another light external object and take note of where you feel the most pleasure.

If lips and fingers alone don’t cut it, you might try incorporating sensation toys like a Wartenberg wheel, a feather teaser, or a tassel.

“An orgasm is caused by the buildup of tension in the nerve cells,” explains Neal. When that tension releases, you can experience an orgasm.

“You can think of an orgasm as being caused by an immense amount of pleasure in the nerve endings reaching a point of overwhelm,” she says.

Curious about the differences between the orgasms a vagina owner can have and a penis owner can have?

Less than you might guess, according to Neal. “All orgasms are similar, and all orgasms are slightly different,” she says.

Typically, the orgasms vagina havers experience are longer lasting (approximately 20 to 35 seconds) than the orgasm a penis owner has (usually under 15 seconds).

Neal adds that it’s important to remember that ejaculation and orgasm are different.

“Male orgasm and male ejaculation are two different biological processes that need not happen concurrently,” she says. “Many penis owners are able to reach orgasm without ejaculating, and report these orgasms as being similar to the orgasms a vagina owner has.”

Communication? More like cumunication!

In any kind of sexual play, communication is key. Not only does communicating enable you to ask for ongoing consent (required by law!), but telling a partner what you want, how, and where is the best way to ensure maximum pleasure.

Remember, a sexual partner isn’t a mind reader, even though you might want them to be.

Your move: talk, talk, and then talk some more.

The above orgasm explanations are great starting points, but sex doesn’t have a manual. That’s why exploring in the moment and learning what your body loves (and doesn’t love) is absolutely key.

And remember: Not all sex requires an orgasm, and orgasms don’t mean the sex is great.

Bodies are different. Pleasure is different. Orgasms are different. And the path it takes to get there is all about experimenting, communicating, and trying again. Allow yourself to soak in the sensations of the pleasure process just as much, or even more than, the finale.

Hannah Rimm is a writer, photographer, and generally creative person in New York City. She writes primarily about mental and sexual health, and her writing and photography has appeared in Allure, HelloFlo, and Autostraddle. You can find her work atHannahRimm. com or follow her onInstagram.

5 important nuances you should know

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No need to reinvent the wheel – read the ready-made instructions.

Ekaterina Kozhevnikova

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When it comes to sex, it is logical to assume that an orgasm is required for both participants in the process. But nature decreed that for women this bonus is not mandatory in the breeding program – fertilization occurs without orgasm. On the other hand, evolution just doesn’t give out “goodies”, and, apparently, the female orgasm is needed for something. It’s funny, but in the age of high technology and everyone who wants to fly into space, we still don’t know exactly what function the female orgasm plays. According to some reports, he acts only as a motivation to have sex, with all the ensuing hardships of possible motherhood. But we know why we need an orgasm: without it, sexual life would lose all its charm, and for both sexes, because any normal man is pleased to realize that he is able to give his girlfriend the highest pleasure from the process. But the harsh reality is that, according to statistics, only 29% of women have an orgasm during every sexual intercourse, and the rest from time to time are left without a “dessert”, which is very unfair to women. If you are serious about fighting this injustice, our article will help you figure out how to act in order to bring a girl to orgasm.

1She needs a special mood for sex

You may be surprised to learn that her sex begins long before yours. Women, in principle, think less about sex, watch porn less, their thoughts are distracted by a bunch of other things, and thoughts “about it” in general appear in their heads much less often. And the average woman takes much longer to tune in to intimacy. To start this process, she needs a special mood, which, by the way, can be easily scared away – keep this in mind. You can start setting her up for sex even before your date: it can be an exchange of photos, unambiguous messages in instant messengers, a discussion of sexual fantasies. Women generally swing for a long time, and if you have one step from any business (for example, from reading this article) to sex, subject to the consent of the other side, then she needs about 5 or 6 such steps. Therefore, in vain, many men wrinkle their nose when they are told about the extreme desirability of “dancing with tambourines” in the form of romantic dinners, compliments, baths with candles and other cinematic attributes – all this really increases the chance of a successful ending for the two of you, and not just for you. By the way, watching a movie with hot erotic scenes together is very useful for creating that very mood.

2 Without foreplay in any way

Fortunately, those wild times have passed when the female orgasm worried only the women themselves, and even then not all, but only the most persistent. Now this important part of life is already being shouted from every iron, and we will not be boring about the fact that without the prelude of a girlfriend’s orgasm, you will not see your ears, and perhaps soon your girlfriend herself. And in this case, haste is again a path to failure. To bring her closer to the finale, at least 10-20 minutes should pass from the beginning of foreplay to the actual sexual intercourse. All girls are different, and their excitement depends on the different actions of the partner. But there are a few general rules that should never be neglected.

Where is the G point and how to bring a woman to orgasm – April 4, 2018

No orgasm means there was no sex: this male rule does not apply to women, says Tatyana Semashko, a sexologist-psychotherapist of the highest category, senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology PSNIU. According to the expert, the need for a female orgasm is simply discussed a lot in popular culture. In fact, for different genders, its significance is different. Thus, female sexuality and orgasm in general are very psychologized.

Being in love is one of the factors influencing female sexuality. She has a desire to dress up and completely surrender to her man

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org/Person”> photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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myth No. 1. A woman in the process of sex must get an orgasm

– men come to me more often – they believe that the partner “really needs” to get sexual satisfaction in the process, and therefore make every effort for this. Apparently, the female orgasm has become a new sign of masculinity. Even 100 years ago, no one bothered with it at all, but now everyone, on the contrary, is trying. As a result, many women develop a sexual neurosis on the grounds that she “must come.” She begins to keep this thought in her head all the time, and after that she generally no longer receives any pleasure from sex. It must be remembered that female sexuality is not tied solely to orgasms. Everything is important for us: touches, gentle words, and, finally, the realization that we have pleased the beloved man.

Women’s sexuality is multifaceted: in bed, not only tactile sensations are important for her, but also gentle words and partner’s attention

org/Person”> Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

man

— If, for example, the lovers had a long foreplay and the woman is well “warmed up”, then with the help of, for example, clitoral stimulation, she can easily reach orgasm. In addition, much depends on the sexual constitution. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. Some partners start to be too active. Advice for men: no need to start stimulating all erogenous zones at once. In order to surrender, a woman needs to feel safe. Therefore, the words go first, not the hands. No wonder they say that “a woman loves with her ears.” Compliments and gentle phrases are needed. Then, when she feels like the one and only, touches are used.

In order to surrender to a man, a woman needs to feel safe

Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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Myth #3. Nature does not provide for a female orgasm. This is an “achievement” of evolution

– Not so long ago it was believed that a woman should have sex solely for the sake of procreation. The science of “sexology” at the beginning of the 20th century studied precisely male sexual behavior. But everything changed after the role of women in society began to change. Now it is already known: nature has given a woman an even greater gift than her partner. Namely, the opportunity to receive multiple pleasure. She got all this for the trials that she will face before – within nine months – and after the birth. Therefore, nature arranged so that a woman could get as much pleasure as possible – including from the fact that a woman “plays” with a man, attracts his attention, lures him. It’s just that few people thought about it before.

Myth No. 4. Being in love affects the brightness of the female orgasm

— Being in love really has a positive effect on the female psyche. A woman becomes more excited, it is easier for her to relax. Although it happens differently. As for sex, in this state she “gives herself” much easier – that is, she does not just agree, but wants it herself. The woman is sure that she is safe, she does not have any “blocks”.

Sometimes men can overdo it in their desire to please a woman. Tip – let the woman decide for herself whether to cum or not

Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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Myth № 5. If a woman does not have an orgasm, then the man is to blame

— As a rule, when a woman masturbates, everything always works out. In order for everything to be fine with a man, it is necessary that there are no psychological blocks. So the words that “it’s not about you, it’s about me” work here more than ever. A woman can get tired, she can be distracted by constant thoughts, worries and worries – about children, work. If a man’s brain is mostly focused on a partner, then a woman’s attention can be scattered on several things at once.

Myth No. 6. A woman who has given birth has a brighter orgasm than a childless woman

— I would not say that this is so. Over time, after childbirth, the body returns to normal – now many simulators are being sold that help to tidy up the vaginal muscles. People say – “you give birth, and then get satisfaction from sex.” This, to put it mildly, has little to do with reality. Many after childbirth, on the contrary, experience problems with sexuality.

Women’s sexuality began to be studied quite recently: even 100 years ago, only male dignity received attention from scientists

Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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Myth № 7. Only the G-spot can give the strongest orgasm. Of course, its existence is not a myth. In science, it is called the “trigger” zone. It is located on the inner wall of the vagina, where the largest number of neuroreceptors is concentrated. Therefore, apparently, it is believed that its stimulation causes a fantastic ecstasy. Some even special operations are done to make it more sensitive. But to say that in all women the stimulation of this part of the vagina causes an orgasm, it is impossible. In 80% of women, the clitoris and labia minora are responsible for orgasm. In addition, there are so many erogenous zones in a woman’s body – in the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe cervix, for example. Everything is very individual, so our men should not furiously look for this particular point.

The G-spot is not a myth, but in order to give a woman pleasure, it is not necessary to search for it furiously

Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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Myth No. 8. Anal sex does not give a woman an orgasm

– Ask your partner first Is she ready for this turn of events? When they ask me if it is possible to have sex in this way, I answer: “It is possible. But you don’t have to.” Still, this hole is not intended for this. So it is not necessary to engage in penetration – a slight stimulation is enough. Exotic elements in sex should be in moderation – like seasoning for food. You will not constantly eat hot peppers. Anal sex has a lot of risks – from physiological (cracks in the rectum, hemorrhoids) to psychological – this method can cause rejection in a partner.

Myth No. 9. If a woman does not experience orgasm for a long time, she becomes hysterical

“Hysteria” does not depend on orgasm, it is a feature of a person’s psychological portrait. But irritability from tension in personal relationships, including sexual ones, can be. Women’s sexuality is purely psychological. Most likely, a woman will be nervous not from the lack of an orgasm – she will masturbate herself if necessary – but from the absence of a man in her life.

For peace of mind, a woman needs not just an orgasm, but a good person nearby

Photo: Timofey Kalmakov

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Myth № 10. After an orgasm, a woman releases the “attachment hormone”

Attachment hormone exists and is called oxytocin.