How to achieve a female orgasm? Get the answers to this crucial question. Our expert-backed guide covers the step-by-step process to help women learn, explore and experience the joy of orgasm.

Empowering Women: Understanding the Path to Orgasm

As a sex therapist in private practice, I’ve come to deeply understand that for many women, achieving orgasm is not only a satisfying aspect of their sexuality but also a crucial part of their personal growth. Often, women come to see a sex therapist seeking guidance on how to have an orgasm, feeling like failures because the sexual techniques they’ve tried haven’t led to the coveted “Big O”.

The Barriers to Female Orgasm

Learning to achieve orgasm involves addressing your attitudes, thoughts, and feelings about yourself and your body. Currently, about 15-20% of women have never experienced an orgasm. Many factors contribute to this difficulty, including sexual values, attitudes, and beliefs shaped by upbringing, religion, negative feelings about being sexual, experienced sexual trauma, negative body image, feelings about a partner, or feelings about oneself. Additionally, certain medications can interfere with the body’s natural ability to orgasm. If you’re experiencing difficulties, it’s crucial to have an open discussion with your healthcare provider.

A Proven 4-Step Approach to Orgasm

As a sex therapist, I’ve developed a comprehensive four-step program to help women learn how to achieve orgasm and cultivate a happy, healthy sex life.

Step 1: Understanding Your Sexual Self

The first step in this journey is to delve into your feelings and attitudes towards sex. Understand how your childhood shaped your beliefs about sexuality, explore the role of your religious beliefs, and discuss what is considered normal and healthy in sexual relationships, both during dating and marriage. Familiarize yourself with topics like birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and the differences between sex for pleasure and sex for conception. Additionally, use a hand mirror to look at your genitals and review visual aids of women’s anatomy, as well as the DVD “Becoming Orgasmic,” to begin normalizing your understanding of female sexuality.

Step 2: Exploring Yourself Through Touch

In this step, you’ll set aside 30-60 minutes to explore your body through touch. Begin by taking a bath or shower and remaining nude, then proceed to a private area. Start by touching your body all over, focusing on how the touch feels and which areas you’re concentrating on. Move on to touching the outside and then the inside of your vagina, paying attention to which areas feel good. After each session, exhale a few breaths and reflect on how the touching made you feel and what may have come up for you. Repeat this exercise 5-15 times to desensitize and normalize the experience, so it becomes a relaxing and stress-reducing activity.

Step 3: Touching for Pleasure

Masturbation is a highly effective way to experience frequent orgasms, which helps establish the orgasmic response. Practicing touching and masturbating will also increase blood flow to your genitals, making it easier to achieve orgasm. During this step, it’s important to address any cognitive restructuring needs, such as making positive affirmations like “As a grown woman, I deserve to experience natural pleasure” or “Being sexual is a healthy part of being an adult.” Additionally, experiment with different positions, timing, the use of lubricants, and distractions like erotic stories or romantic/sexual movies to enhance arousal.

Step 4: Touching for Pleasure, Focusing

This final step builds on the previous one, continuing the exploration of touch and pleasure. The key focus here is on learning to become more attuned to the sensations and feelings that arise during self-stimulation, allowing yourself to fully immerse in the experience and let go of any distractions or inhibitions. By maintaining this focus and dedication to the process, you can unlock the incredible potential for orgasmic pleasure.

Remember, the journey to achieving orgasm is a highly personal and unique experience for every woman. Be patient, gentle, and compassionate with yourself throughout the process. With time, dedication, and the guidance provided in this comprehensive guide, you can unlock the secrets to a fulfilling and empowering sexual experience.

Helping Women Learn How to Have an Orgasm

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As a sex therapist in private practice, I have come to understand that for many women, orgasm is a satisfying aspect of both sexuality as well as personal growth.

Often women come to see a sex therapist wanting to learn how to have an orgasm while simultaneously feeling like failures because the sexual techniques they have tried haven’t resulted in having the Big O.

Learning to achieve orgasm involves your attitudes, thoughts, and feelings both about yourself and your body.

Currently, about 15-20% of women have never achieved orgasm. Many factors play into why women experience difficulty achieving orgasm including sexual values and attitudes including upbringing, religion, negative feelings about being sexual, experienced sexual trauma, negative body image, your feelings about your partner or your feelings about yourself. Also, many medications can interfere with the body’s natural ability to orgasm. Have a talk with your doctor if you are on any medications and having trouble achieving orgasm.

The following is a four-step program I use with women to help them learn how to achieve orgasm and have a happy and healthy sex life.

Step 1. Understanding Your Sexual Self

• Learn about feelings and attitudes regarding sex.
• Understand how your childhood shaped your beliefs about sex.
• Connect what your religious beliefs taught you about being sexual.
• Discuss what is normal and healthy for a sexual relationship while dating and during marriage.
• Understand birth control, STDs, and sex for pleasure vs. sex for conception.
• Use a hand mirror to look at your genitals.
• Review visual aids of women’s genitalia and the DVD “Becoming Orgasmic” to begin to normalize female sexuality.

Step One helps connect women with their thoughts and feelings about the role of orgasm in their lives.

Step 2. Exploring Yourself Through Touch

• Set aside 30-60 minutes to begin the touching exercise.
• You may want to begin by taking a bath or shower, remaining nude, and proceeding to an area that is private. You may include oil, lubricant, or lotion.
• Begin by touching your body all over, maybe while applying lotion. Focus on how the touch feels and the areas you are concentrating on. Move into touching the outside of your vagina and then the inside of your vagina. Try and think about which areas feel good when you touch them verses which areas just feel the touch.
• After you finish, exhale a few breaths and think about how touching yourself made you feel and what may have come up for you as a result of doing this exercise.
• Repeat this 5-15 times before proceeding to the next step. Repetition is the key and desensitizing to touching yourself is important. We want to normalize this behavior so it is coded as being relaxing and stress reducing, not stress producing.

Step Two is all about exploring how your genitals feel when you touch yourself. Learning how to touch yourself just to see where it feels good is a very important aspect of eventually learning how to connect with having an orgasm.

Step 3. Touching for Pleasure

• Since masturbation is a good way to experience frequent orgasms, it gives the orgasmic response a way to become well-established. Practicing touching and masturbating will also help increase blood flow to your genitals and make it easier to achieve orgasm.
• This is a good time to mention that masturbation won’t decrease the desire to be sexual with your partner. Instead, it will help you desire to be sexual, because it is a pleasurable experience for you!
• Work on Cognitive Restructuring Techniques if needed during this step, such as making statements such as: “As a grown woman I deserve to experience natural pleasure” or “Being sexual is a healthy part of being an adult.”
• During your sexual sessions, try and be attentive to your position and the timing of your session. Using a lubricant and distraction techniques such as reading erotic stories or watching romantic or sexual movies can help with arousal.

Step Three is all about learning where it feels good to touch and beginning to physically touch yourself through masturbation. Its important to know that almost all of the time, women will experience their first orgasm alone verses with a partner. This is because women generally can be more relaxed when their partner isn’t present, and they can have as much time as they need to touch themselves until it feels good without focusing on pleasing a partner.

While many women orgasm with a partner for the first time, I am specifically addressing women who have never orgasmed with a partner and want to learn to have an orgasm. Anxiety is often a part of the problem, so taking a partner out of the mix is helpful for creating a first orgasmic response.

Step 4. Touching for Pleasure, Focusing

• Begin touching yourself for the purpose of seeing if orgasm can be achieved.
• Understand that it may take 15, 30, or 45 minutes to achieve an orgasm. Don’t focus on watching the clock.
• Listen to your self-talk and what you are saying aloud to yourself.
• Introduce vibrators or sexual stimulation aids if that would be helpful.
• Think about the use of fantasy, relaxation, and erotic movies or literature to include in this step, as you become orgasmic.

Step Four is all about the finale. By now you have worked through your thoughts and attitudes about orgasm, accepted it as a wonderful part of the sexual pleasure process, and began to learn how to touch yourself to hopefully achieve orgasm.

The final piece of advice is to see a qualified sex therapist if you need or want more support with this process. Sex therapists will work with women individually or with a partner to learn how to incorporate orgasm into the relationship.

How to Orgasm: Have a Better Orgasm

Orgasms Feel Amazing

That’s a fact, though no superlative seems to do them justice. The mystery often lies in figuring out exactly how to trigger a Big O. These bliss-inducing muscle contractions can explode spontaneously during one sexual encounter, but at other times they require a superspecific setting (soft music, dimmed lights), body position (half pike with a twist), and technique (clockwise clitoral stimulation, please!) to set them off. And hitting the height of pleasure is no guarantee.

But sex researchers may be getting closer to figuring out the perfect peaking storm. In the past few years, a handful of scientists have started to make some important discoveries about what goes on inside your body and brain before, during, and after an orgasm. And the more you know, the more pleasure you can achieve.

Think about it like this: You can drive a car without grasping how an engine works. But if the car won’t start, understanding what’s going on under the hood could help you resolve the problem and get on the road faster. The same goes for getting a better handle on your body mechanics. Here’s what’s happening to your anatomy from arousal to afterglow…and how to use that info to intensify your satisfaction.

Laying the Groundwork for Liftoff

Foreplay, as you might well suspect, is crucial. During all that groping, kissing, and caressing, your nervous system starts taking notes and fires feel-good messages through the web of nerves that weave their way through your pelvis and up to your brain. This early stage is where a lot of women get tripped up because they can’t silence the voices in their heads (When was the last time I had a bikini wax? Am I prepared for that 8 a.m. meeting?) long enough to focus on the sensations.

To keep your mind from wandering out of the bedroom, Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, suggests zeroing in on one of your senses: Focus on the smell of his skin, relish the feeling of his hands on your body, concentrate on how he tastes while you’re kissing. Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good, often advises fantasizing. “It sounds counterintuitive, but studies show that lapsing into a sexual fantasy can help a woman become and stay aroused,” she says. “Switching to a sexual mind-set makes you more physically responsive.”

When you’re turned on, your nerves communicate to your brain that it’s time to increase blood flow. The result: Your genitals become moist and engorged, and your breasts swell and nipples harden. The more engorged you are, the more sensitive you become to his touch, causing the nerves to fire back to the brain to pump more blood, creating an increasingly pleasurable loop, says Barry Komisaruk, Ph.D., an adjunct psychology professor at Rutgers University and coauthor of Orgasm Answer Guide.

Here’s the catch: Keeping that loop going requires patience—yours and his. While the amount of time it takes to reach peak arousal varies from woman to woman, Kerner says the average female requires 10 to 20 minutes of rhythmic manual or oral pressure. Women often speed up the process before they’re properly warmed up because they’re worried about taking too long. The truth is, guys get off on pleasing their mates. “Seeing a woman aroused boosts his testosterone levels, turning him on even more,” Kerner explains.

Getting in Prime Position

So, considering that the most important step on your path to ultimate pleasure may be learning to slow down, make sure you’re sufficiently primed before you progress to intercourse. “When you feel a throbbing sensation in your genitals or an intense pressure building on either side of the vaginal wall, it’s time to transition to sex. Get into a position that provides clitoral contact—try the coital alignment technique,” says Herbenick. Have your guy lie on top of you so that the base of his penis aligns with your clitoris, then push your pelvis up while he resists the pressure and moves his hips in a circular motion. Or try a position where he can touch your clitoris with his fingers, such as from behind or woman on top.

Groundbreaking research by Australian urologist Helen O’Connell, Ph.D., found that the clitoris actually extends way back into the pelvis and plays a significant role in both vaginal and G-spot orgasms (the G-spot is an especially nerve-rich spot on the frontal vaginal wall). Her research suggests that every climax is actually a blended orgasm. “Since all orgasms involve the clitoris, G-spot, and vagina, scientists don’t really differentiate between types anymore,” Herbenick notes.

When you experience an orgasm, an area of the brain called the paraventricular nucleus spills a wave of oxytocin into your bloodstream. As this neurohormone washes through your pelvic muscles, it causes a series of rhythmic contractions, at intervals of every .08 seconds. Your heart starts pumping extra oxygen to the pulsating parts to keep them humming along for about 20 seconds total.

These contractions will be even stronger if you do Kegel exercises (flexing the muscles that stop urination). Do 10 reps, holding each rep for 10 seconds, twice a day while you’re watching TV or doing just about anything. Many women treat Kegels like taking vitamins: It’s something they know they should do but tend to blow off. “To improve your orgasms, you need to commit to doing Kegels. They really work,” Herbenick says. Another easy orgasm enhancer? Breathing. While many women hold their breath during climax, doing so can reduce the sensation. Instead, take shallow, rapid breaths right up to and during your climax. “Quick breaths reduce blood levels of carbon dioxide, possibly making vaginal contractions more intense,” says Robert Fried, Ph.D., a professor of biopsychology at Hunter College who studies anxiety and breathing.

While your body is pumping out waves of tingly goodness, your mind falls into a contented trance. The nucleus accumbens, where the brain produces pleasurable feelings (including addictive ones like those you can get from nicotine or drugs), is activated, says Komisaruk. That’s why you may feel as if you can’t get enough of your partner—even one you’re lukewarm about—during pleasure. Meanwhile, the brain’s amygdala and prefrontal cortex, which process fear and anxiety, become less active, says neuroscientist Gert Holstege, Ph.D., a professor of uroneurology at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. “Our research found that women need to be in a relaxed, comfortable place in order to climax,” Holstege says. “The brain is built for survival and procreation. So when you’re having sex (even if it’s not to procreate), your brain gets the green light to orgasm when no danger or worry is present.”

Seconds, Anyone?

Soon after an orgasm, your blood pressure and pulse settle down, and blood begins to retreat slowly from your genitals and for more. “One advantage women have over men is the ability to achieve multiple orgasms,” Herbenick says. “Blood drains from the penis rather quickly, but it stays longer in the vagina, which keeps a woman aroused.” Wait until your clitoris is less sensitive—it could take a few seconds or a few minutes—and then have him stimulate you manually or orally to start building to another peak.

According to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love, once you’ve filled your pleasure quota, you’ll probably fall into cuddle mode, because there’s still leftover oxytocin (the bonding hormone) floating around from your orgasm, making you feel especially attached to the person who brought you all that glory.

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How To Have An Orgasm Like Never Before

Look, we all wanna know how to have an orgasm that blows our freakin’ minds, every time. But unfortunately, it’s not always that easy.

Research shows that only about half of women consistently have a happy ending during partnered play and 9 percent have never-ever orgasmed during intercourse. (Worth mentioning: The percentage of pleasure-seekers who do consistently O during sex is significantlyyyyy higher for women in same-sex relationships.)

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Not to worry. Here, sex experts explain everything you need to know to have an orgasm, whether you’re trying to ring the bell for the first time or take your O to another level of pleasure.

What’s an orgasm, exactly?

Let’s start with a definition, shall we? An orgasm is “a feeling of intense pleasure that happens during sexual activity,” according to the National Health Services.

But Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop says the definition is even broader than that! After all, orgasms can happen *outside of* sexual activity (looking at you, coregasms). Orgasms, she says, are simply an involuntary release of tension.

“For vagina-owners, orgasm typically feels like a period of tension where your heart beats faster, breath hitches, and muscles tighten followed by a release of that tension,” she explains. “Often, people will even have what feels like a rhythmic pulsing in and around their genitals.”

While orgasms vary in intensity, Searah Deysach, longtime sex educator and owner of Early to Bed, says that “for the most part, you’ll know when you’ve had an orgasm.”

Different kinds of orgasms:

“Stimulating different parts of the body can result in orgasms that feel different from one another,” Deysach explains. Each is named for the body-part that needs to be stimulated in order for them to occur, including:

• Clitoral orgasm: The clitoris is the small, nerve-dense bud at the apex of the labia that serves no function other than to provide sexual pleasure (!). When orgasm happens as a result of clitoral stimulation—be it from your partner’s hands or tongue, or a clitoral vibrator—it’s called a clitoral orgasm! FYI: This is the most common type of orgasm for women, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First.
• Vaginal orgasm: A previous Women’s Health survey found that a substantial 37 percent of vagina-havers can orgasm from penetration of the vaginal canal alone. That’s a vaginal O!
• Cervical orgasm: Your cervix is the vaginal canal’s anatomical stopping sign. Located at the wayyy back of the vaginal canal, the cervix is what separates the vagina from your reproductive organs. But beyond just what keeps tampons from traveling into your bod (#bless), the cervix can also bring on some serious pleasure when stimulated.
• G-spot orgasm: Often described as feeling more full-bodied than clitoral orgasms, G-spot orgasms occur from stimulation from the G-spot, a nerve-packed patch of sponge located 2 (ish) inches inside the vaginal canal.
• Nipple orgasm: A nipple orgasm is “a pleasurable release of sexual arousal, centered on nipple stimulation and not caused by stimulating the clitoris [or penis] directly,” as Janet Brito, PhD, a sexologist and clinical psychologist in Honolulu previously told Women’s Health.
• Anal orgasm: For some, this means stimulation of just the external anus (for instance, during rimming). And for others, it means stimulation of the internal anal canal (for instance, with anal beads, a penis, or finger).
• Blended orgasm: Any orgasm that comes from stimulating two or more body parts. Nipples + anus= blended orgasm! Clit + vagina? Also a blended orgasm.

Important: The goal in differentiating the many types of orgasms *isn’t* to create an orgasm hierarchy (lol). The goal, Deysach says, is to encourage people to experiment with their bodies to discover what feels best for them. Noted!

“If you can get off from nipple stimulation alone, that’s great,” she says. “If you need vaginal, clitoral, and anal stimulation all at once to have an orgasm, that’s awesome too.” Every human body is unique and will respond differently to sensation. “So keep an open mind, find what you like, and go with it,” she says. “After all, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.” True that.

How to have an orgasm:

Achieving consistent, mind-blowing orgasms is kind of like winning the lottery. Sounds amazing, but basically a pipe dream, right? With these little tricks, it doesn’t have to be.

1. Prioritize cuddling.

In the name of boosted oxytocin, rather than saving spooning for after sex, spend some time snuggling up pre-play.

Known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin might be the key to better orgasms, according to a study in the journal Hormones and Behavior. The study found that couples who received oxytocin in a nasal spray had more intense orgasms than couples who took a placebo.

Since you probably don’t have oxytocin nasal spray on your nightstand (lol), try giving yourself the same jolt of the hormone naturally by hugging, cuddling, or making other gestures to show your love to your partner. Your post-cuddle O will surprise you.

2. Don’t skip right to penetration!

According to Kerner having an orgasm requires a few key ingredients:

1. Vasocongestion (i.e. blood flow to your pelvis)
2. Myotonia (muscular tension throughout your body)
3. The brain’s natural opiate system being turned on (because it triggers oxytocin)

The best way to get these ingredients? “Gradual[ly] building up arousal rather than a race to orgasm,” he says. In other words, slow down. Trust, the end result will be worth the wait.

3. Focus on the clitoris.

Jennifer Wider, MD, suggests focusing on sex positions that directly stimulate the clitoris during penetrative sex. “That can provide a consistent orgasm in the majority of [vagina-havers],” she says. Try rider-on-top, which allows you to grind your clit against your partner, or rear entry, with you or your partner stimulating your clitoris.

Another option: Stick to your fave sex positions, but get your clit in on the action with the help of a clitoral vibe. Or, take matters into your own hands by bringing your digits downstairs.

4. Use a vibrator.

Vibrators are literally made to help you orgasm, after all. “Vibrators increase the frequency and intensity of orgasms—whether you’re alone or with a partner,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. She suggests starting with a vibrator that will target your clitoris, G-spot, or both. A few to get you started:

Ultimately, though, the type of vibrator you try will depend on the type of stimulation you enjoy—and the type of orgasm you’re interested in exploring. A vibrating butt plug or string of vibrating anal beads will bring whole of “oh baby!” to your backside. While vibrating nipple clamps will make you tingle and giggle without any between-the-leg lovin’.

5. Think about your cycle.

If you feel like your orgasms have been meh or not even there lately, consider trying to time sex around your cycle. Generally, your libido peaks during ovulation— that’s about two weeks before your period shows up—so the chances of having an orgasm will go up during this time period, Wider says.

FYI: This is especially important if you’re exploring cervical orgasms. That’s because, as O’Reilly previously told Women’s Health, some people are more likely to have cervical orgasms during ovulation. If having your cervix touched feels ouchy but you’re still curious, try it during a different time of the month to see if it feels better.

6. Don’t hold back on the lube.

No matter what sexual acts you enjoy, lube is a pretty handy tool to have in the bedroom. It reduces uncomfortable friction and allows you to “safely engage in a wider range of acts, techniques, and positions,” O’Reilly says. Not only that, it also “leads to higher levels of arousal, pleasure, and satisfaction,” she says.

For anal play, so long as you’re not using a silicone-based toy, Deysach recommends a silicone-based lube, which is thicker than water-based ones. For all other acts though, a water-based lube is perf.

Oh, and don’t snooze on lubes’ utility for nipple play. A little dab of lube on your finger can be the difference between hand-on-nipple stimulating feeling irritating and feeling ah-mazing.

7. Whip out a fantasy.

Adding a little psychological stimulation to the equation can help enhance physical stimulation, which is why Kerner recommends fantasizing on your own or with your partner. “Fantasy is also a powerful way to take your mind off other stressors or any other anxieties you may be experiencing,” he says. And, for the record, “it’s okay to fantasize about someone other than the person you’re having sex with,” Kerner says. (Maybe just keep that info to yourself.)

8. Try sensation play.

“The simple act of turning off the lights, closing your eyes, using a blindfold, or wearing sound-canceling headphones can help you to be more mindful and present during sex—and lead to bigger, stronger orgasms,” O’Reilly says. “This is because the deprivation of one sense can heighten another, so when you remove your sense of sight or sound, you may naturally tune into the physical sensations of the sexual encounter.” Before you tie an old tube sock around your boo’s eyes, just be sure to ask for consent first, K?

9. Feel yourself up in the shower.

Sure, you shower to get clean, but take a minute or so to embrace your body when you’re in there. “It’s very simple: As you shower, rather than touching to wash yourself, take one minute to touch for sensuality and pleasure,” O’Reilly says. “Feel your skin, take a deep breath, and bask in the heat and warmth that surrounds your body.” This can help you de-stress and get in touch with what feels good to you—and that can do you a solid when you’re in bed later, she says.

10. Forbid orgasm from happening altogether.

“If you’ve struggled with achieving orgasm, you may find yourself in a cycle of being anxious about having an orgasm, which makes having an orgasm even more difficult,” says Deysach. Sighhh. So while it may sound counterintuitive, taking orgasm off the table (er, bed) altogether “can give your brain a rest and allow your body the opportunity to enjoy the sensation without the pressure of feeling like you need to ‘achieve’ orgasm,” she says.

Worth a try, right? As she says, “You never know, maybe not thinking about orgasm will make it easier for you to find your way.”

11. Take an orgasm ‘break.’

On a similar note, “sometimes taking a masturbation and orgasm break for a day or two can be a good ‘refresh,’” Kerner says, noting that people sometimes “report stronger orgasms during masturbation after taking a short break.” If you can, try taking sex or solo love off the table for a day or so and see where that gets you. A simple reset may be just what you need to ramp things up.

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A beginner’s guide to female orgasms – The Hook Up

“I don’t know if I’ve had one.”

In a message to my friend, who’d been quizzing me on my relationship with my showerhead at the age of 18, that was my response to the persistent question: so, have you had an orgasm yet?

“Um, you would know,” they said.

That’s what a lot of people would say. “If it happened you’d know”.

But I was always unsure. What’s it actually like? How do you know if that was it? What if it wasn’t the euphoric peak everyone had promised it would be? What if I *had* already had one and it sucked?

Yeah, things built up and did feel really good in that shower — I’d see red bloom behind my closed eyelids and goosebumps ripple across my skin, but then it would all feel like too much and I’d have to stop. Was that it? It seemed more uncomfortable and painful than anything else. Where were these fireworks I’d been promised?

It was a point of contention with my first boyfriend. He just couldn’t get what was ‘wrong’ with me, and I didn’t know either. And then eventually, somewhat embarrassingly, it was a TV show called Masters of Sex that helped things make a lot of sense.

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The show introduced me to the work of sexologists Dr William Masters and Virginia Johnson, who helped usher in the sexual revolution with their findings about pleasure and sexual response. They came up with the human sexual response cycle which looks like this:

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• Excitement phase (initial arousal)
• Plateau phase (at full arousal, but not yet at orgasm)
• Orgasm
• Resolution phase (after orgasm)

And while there have been criticisms of that theory, and it’s not the only model out there (see Kaplan’s Three-Stage Model) it did get me paying more attention to what my body was doing at different points. It kind of all clicked together and I could feel the stages as I was getting down. And yes, it helped me get there. Fireworks, baby.

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Sex educator Georgia Grace tells The Hook Up that for some people, learning about what orgasm means and where they may be in certain stages of arousal can be helpful. But she also acknowledges that sex is about so much more than this process: “Learning about your body and learning about pleasure that’s not just penetration and is about more than just that expectation to climax — there’s so much pleasure that can be accessed beyond these habits of sexual trajectory.”

I believe that knowledge is power. This knowledge gave me the power to climax. And maybe some of the following knowledge will empower you too.

So what is an orgasm exactly?

Well, this is why ‘when you have one, you’ll know’ is a problem. Because there isn’t one agreed upon definition.

“Physiologically, it’s defined as 8-12 contractions that occur in the vaginal and anal sphincter starting 0.8 seconds apart and increasing in latency to their termination,” neuroscientist Dr Nicole Prause says in her TEDx talk on the subject:

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But other experts go for a more qualitative definition, like sex educator Emily Nagoski’s “sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension”.

“A single overarching explanation of the orgasm doesn’t exist,” Georgia Grace says. “The journey to an orgasm is such an individual experience that there really is no singular or all-encompassing definition.”

What happens to your body when you orgasm?

Apart from the aforementioned contractions, lots of other things are going on, like: “Your pain threshold more than doubles … your skin becomes flushed, it can make you sweat or tremble, your pupils dilate and some people even say their vision increases,” Georgia says.

“People breathe harder during climactic states or on their way to orgasm … salivation increases, your blood pressure goes right up and climaxing gets you hot — your body temperature and metabolism rise slightly, even if it wasn’t a vigorous session. And of course, there’s blood flow to your genitals. They become engorged and once you reach orgasm the muscles involuntarily, rhythmically contract and then relax.”

What about your brain?

“The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logical thought, shuts down, and the limbic system, which regulates your feelings, takes over. So that may explain why you feel more animalistic,” Georgia says. (Reow). “At the same time, the dopamine — your body’s reward hormone, which is associated with pretty much anything that feels good — surges through your body, giving you a sense of intense pleasure.”

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What are the different types of orgasm?

Hold up a sec, are there actually different types of orgasm? Well, this is a bit up in the air too.

We have this idea that different body parts give us different kinds of orgasms. In cis-women, it’s a common belief that vaginal, G-spot and clitoral orgasms are different and that some are superior to others. But they’re not. It’s a hangover from Sigmund Freud’s early 20th century theory that clitoral orgasms are ‘immature’ and women grow to orgasm vaginally as they ‘mature’.

But here’s the thing: research has shown that all these ‘types’ of orgasms produce an identical response. In fact, that was one of Masters and Johnson’s big breakthroughs in the 60s and it was further proven as recently as 2016 by Dr Prause et al, finding “the reported source of orgasm was unrelated to orgasm intensity, overall sex-life satisfaction, sexual distress, depression, or anxiety”.

“We don’t have any data that those are different things,” Dr Prause says. So basically, it doesn’t matter what you touched to get there, it’s the same either way.  

But Dr Prause’s study did find that women who mostly come by stimulating the clitoris report higher libido and higher arousal to visual stimulation. So really, it’s just the most effective way of getting off. And that makes perfect sense, the clitoral glans (the exposed bit, the proverbial bean to be flicked) houses about 8,000 nerve endings — double as many in the head of a penis. So if you want to come, it’s the most efficient spot to target.

To quote sex educator Betty Dodson, “an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm”, no matter where it comes from, so a better way of talking about this is: in what ways can you achieve one?

Ok, fine. In what ways can you reach orgasm?

Women have reported getting to orgasm by stimulating their ‘g-spot’, vaginal walls, clitoris, urethra, labia, cervix but essentially, these are all part of, or impressing on the same organ: the clitoris.

What the clitoris actually looks like.

What the clitoris actually looks like.

Image:

As you can see, it’s not just the little nub at the top of a vulva. It gets around the whole area. So when you’re hitting the ‘g-spot’, Georgia says “you’re actually stimulating part of the clitoris”. Same when you’re going for a vaginal orgasm.

Some people can reach orgasm by stimulating their anus, breasts, skin, by exercising, or even by not touching themselves at all.

“A really simple way to become aware of your embodied capacity to have a climax that is beyond your genitals, is to start locating sensations in your body, how it feels in certain parts and why it feels like that, and bring that sensation to life so you can be more mindful in in the pleasure you feel,” Georgia Grace says.

The scientific community doesn’t 100% agree on the existence of ‘fantasy’ or mentally-stimulated orgasms but if you can meditate yourself into a state of deep sexual arousal then it doesn’t really matter if it’s technically an orgasm. You go do you, sexy Jedi mind master.

Sex drive is important to climaxing and you can train it

It’s much more difficult to come if you aren’t feeling it. But if your libido is a bit flat, there are ways to improve your sex drive.

As Dr Prause found in her study, the more you stimulate your clitoris, the more your sexual appetite is likely to grow. And mentally, you can will yourself into having a better libido. The more you think sexy thoughts, the more you’ll feel like having sex.

Georgia Grace suggests approaching it in four ways:

“It begins with thinking. So this is as simple as dedicating 10 minutes a day to thinking erotic or exciting or arousing thoughts. That could be thinking about a past experience that they’ve had that was really exciting or it could be thinking about a fantasy that they really want to fulfil,” Georgia says.

“Then speaking. So practicing voicing desires, even if it’s not necessarily sexual, Practice voicing and speaking about things that make you feel good.

“Behaving. This is an important one, it’s in the way we move, it’s in how we exercise or how we breathe, how we eat, our lifestyle, how we dress, and what makes us feel good in the ways we behave.

“Then feelings. Locating sensual or sexual sensations and being really aware of how and where we feel, because I see in a lot of people, there’s really just a black space from the belly button down. They’re so disconnected to their genitals and these erogenous zones, and even getting back in touch with feeling can improve the desire to want to experience pleasure.”

But is orgasm really the most important thing?

Not by a long shot. Apparently the most rewarding part of sex to our brains is the point *just* before the orgasm. Dr Prause theorises that the orgasm may actually function as a way of flushing blood back out of the genital areas.

So, staying at that high arousal point longer might just be better than the orgasm itself. (THE MORE YOU KNOW). In fact, being so focussed on the end goal of an orgasm can ironically, make it harder to finish and make the overall sex a lot less fun.

Georgia says “in order to have pleasurable sex, we need to take the goals out of sex so that you can start to feel sensation and connection and feel the pleasure in your body rather than just focussing on the orgasm at the end.”

For the full episode check out the podcast here or go to your friendly local podcasting app to subscribe.

How to orgasm fast (like, really fast) according to experts

The unfortunate truth that the orgasm gap presents is that for people with vulvas, climaxing is rarely as easy as the “oh, oh, oh!” portrayal it often gets in pop culture. In fact, a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that only 65 percent of heterosexual women report always reaching orgasm after acts of sexual intimacy versus 95 percent of heterosexual men. Furthermore, reaching orgasm also often requires an investment of determination: Additional research notes that it can take between 11 and 21 minutes for people with vulvas to reach the level of arousal that precedes an orgasm, meaning there’s also an orgasm time gap. So while solving the orgasm gap is certainly not a simple, easy-to-fix conundrum, knowing how to orgasm faster? That answer may at least help chisel away at the issue of the orgasm time gap.

For vulva-owners wondering about the fastest way to climax, there’s a short answer (and an extremely long one), says human sexuality professor Zhana Vrangalova, PhD. “The easiest type of orgasm to reach for a vulva-owner is the external clitoral one,” she says. “This is because the external clitoris is the part of the body that contains the greatest density of nerve endings that, when stimulated, can lead to pleasure.”

You have a host of options for how to engage clitoral stimulation to reach an as-fast-as-possible orgasm: You can ask your partner to give the Kivin Method a go (some say it can bring a climax in three minutes flat), flip on your vibrator, or pull out a hand mirror for a little self-exploration. And if you do find that reaching orgasm still eats up those standard 11 to 21 minutes of your time, Rachel Allyn, PhD, a holistic psychologist and pleasure expert with Allbodies, says it may be time to make like a body-loving cartographer and map out more of your bits.

“Anatomical differences can explain why some women have an easier time experiencing different types of genital orgasms compared to women who are limited to having clitoral orgasms only.” —Rachel Allyn, PhD, pleasure expert

“Anatomical differences can explain why some women have an easier time experiencing different types of genital orgasms—such as vaginal, clitoral, and cervical—compared to women who are limited to having clitoral orgasms only,” says Dr. Allyn. Even the distance between the clitoris and the urinary opening can determine where you’ll feel the magic and where you just won’t feel, well, much. “The shorter the distance between the two, the more likely a [vulva-owner] is able to have vaginal types of orgasms—like G-spot and cervical—in addition to clitoral,” she adds.

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So, since you’re a unique human being in all spheres of life, including your erogenous zones, you’ll have to work at understanding what, exactly, works for you. To help you along this journey of self-discovery, Dr. Allyn says there’s one universal and invaluable tool you can use to help: presence. “One of the greatest predictors of which type of orgasm is ‘easiest’ to achieve has to do with a vulva-owner’s ability to stay present in their body, and present in a way that gives them permission to receive pleasure,” she says. “This is likely to lead to experimenting with their body and the ways it responds to different types of stimulation, like types of stroking, pace, different sizes, more than one erogenous zone at a time being touched, and different positions impacting pleasure.”

So, even if the clitoris isn’t your personal fastest route to orgasm, you’ll find your hot spot—and hopefully within 11 to 21 minutes or sooner.

While we’re talking about sex, here’s what you need to know about masturbation in relationships. And tune in for the best sex tips we learned in 2019. 

5 tips for having a better orgasm: the female perspective

Most women don’t think achieving orgasm during sex is possible. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We’ve researched the best tips you can take to ensure you have more powerful and frequent orgasms.

If you always feel let down by your climax, don’t despair. These tips and tricks will not only help you to achieve maximum satisfaction from sex but can also improve your relationship by correcting hormone imbalance and disconnect between you and your partner.

1. Take a Break from Orgasms

This may seem counterintuitive, but taking a break from both masturbation and sex can have a “refresh” effect on your orgasms. Both men and women report more frequent and intense orgasms after going without them for an extended period.

Therefore, try to make an effort to abstain for at least three days and observe the effect it has on your next orgasm. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of steps back to move several steps forward on the pleasure scale.

2. Focus More on Foreplay

Many of us are guilty of speeding through foreplay in a bid to arrive at sexual intercourse much quicker. But reducing the amount of time spent on foreplay could have a negative effect on your sexual climax.

The reason foreplay is so essential to your pleasure is that great orgasms require three key ingredients:

1. The first is vasocongestion (blood flow to your pelvis region)
2. The second is myotonia (muscular tension throughout the body)
3. And lastly, you need your brain to turn on the areas of the brain associated with the opiate system

Foreplay gives your chance for your body to check off everything on that list before heading into full‑blown sexual intercourse. Starting without everything in place can lead to less than impressive results.

3. Time Sex to Line Up with Your Natural Cycle

If you’ve ever had an orgasm and immediately felt like it sorely lacked the pleasure levels associated with previous climaxes, it could have a lot to do with timing. A women’s libido peaks during ovulation, which means that sex had a few weeks either side of that period may be less satisfying.

Therefore, try and time your sex to coincide with the days you’re ovulating. You may well observe a noticeable increase in pleasure derived from your orgasms. Remember that if you’re not trying for a baby to have contraception firmly in place during this especially fertile couple of days.

4. Use Lubrication to Increase Comfort and Pleasure

One of the easiest and most effective methods for increasing arousal and pleasure is introducing plenty of lube into the equation. By lubricating, couples open up a much more extensive range of positions, activities, and techniques.

Variety has been shown to increase stimulation, excitement, and, ultimately, pleasure from sexual intercourse. Furthermore, it helps to provide relief for those who suffer from vaginal dryness, replacing the pain caused by sex with a one‑way ticket to satisfaction.

5. Make More of an Effort with Cuddling and Kissing

In a world dominated by one‑night stands and drunken adventures, the love aspect of sex is often overlooked. There’s a biological reason we hug and kiss our partners before, during, and after sex. Those acts of affection and bonding release a hormone called Oxytocin, also dubbed the “love” hormone.

This hormone has been scientifically proven to increase the intensity of orgasms. Thus, make sure to build up as much of it as you can before both oral and penetrative sex. The natural build‑up will help you achieve a much stronger and more powerful orgasm.

While women might not have orgasms as effortlessly as men, orgasms can be as intense and satisfying for both sexes. Here are eight ideas to help you reach a better climax.

Improve Your Orgasmic Potential with Because Health

Unbelievable orgasms are not accessible for everyone; in fact, up to 45% of women experience little to no arousal during sex. But if your orgasms have been decidedly unsensational, certain products can help you to regain your maximum pleasure potential.

Both our enhance cream and enhance lozenges are packed full of helpful amino acids and hormones such as L‑Arginine, Oxytocin, Dehydroepiandrosterone, and Sildenafil to help create fuller genitals, better lubrication, and heightened sexual pleasure. Just by adding these products to your sexual routine, you will be able to observe considerable differences in the satisfaction you derive from sex.

Here at Because Health, we can help you move past sexual health disorders by developing a tailored, physician‑approved treatment plan to regain control of your sexual pleasure.

Simply click here to start your evaluation.

Dr. Jovanovic, OBGYN & Cosmetic Surgery: OB/GYNs

Part of living a full life is having a healthy sex life — which includes having orgasms. There are many health benefits associated with experiencing orgasm, and though the female orgasm is sometimes treated like a mystery, it’s really not much different from the male orgasm. 

There are methods of restoring your ability to easily reach climax, as well as procedures that enhance your arousal and orgasmic experience. At Dr. Jovanovic OBGYN & Cosmetic Surgery, Dr. Kevin Jovanovic and Dr. Radoslav Jovanovic specialize in women’s health, and that includes sexual health. 

Women have more than one kind of orgasm

The fact that women can experience orgasm in different ways may be part of the reason the female orgasm seems mysterious to some people. Women may reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation — including the G-spot — or through various other sensory pathways, such as stimulation of your breasts or other erogenous zones. 

Clitoral orgasm is the closest to male orgasm. It involves the clitoris becoming engorged, or erect, and the orgasm itself provides release. After a clitoral orgasm, continuing can be uncomfortable. 

An orgasm achieved through stimulation of your vagina is often described as “deeper” and more intense. The G-shot can help you explore this type of orgasm. 

You may also reach orgasm through means other than stimulating your genitalia. You may be able to have an orgasm when your breasts are stimulated, or with the use of sexual imagery. 

You may consistently have one type of orgasm, or you may have different types depending on what you’re doing, or you may have some blend. You’re a unique individual, and your orgasms are certainly one of the most personalized experiences you can have. 

What all orgasms have in common

There are some things that happen in the human body, male or female, during orgasm. For example, your heart rate increases, you breathe faster, and your metabolism speeds up leading to and during an orgasm. 

Researchers have identified four phases in the female orgasm, regardless of type. 

1. Excitement

Described as a state of arousal or desire, this phase involves your body beginning to get ready for sex. There’s an increase of certain hormones, blood begins to engorge your sexual organs, and you may feel as if your whole body is blushing. 

2. Plateau

During this phase, sexual tension builds even more. You may not be able to think of anything other than sexual stimulation. Your heart rate and blood pressure continue to increase. 

3. Orgasm

When you reach orgasm, your vagina, uterus, pelvic floor muscles, and sometimes muscles all over your body contract rhythmically. 

4. Resolution

Follow your orgasm, your body relaxes, and your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing slow down to a more normal rate. 

Problems

Experts suggest that as many as 25% of women struggle to have orgasms. The issue may be psychological or physical, or both. There are treatments, therapies, and interventions that may help. 

Postmenopausal women may find they have a diminished desire for sex. There are treatments for that as well. 

If you have questions about the female orgasm, or you’d like to learn about our services that can help you enjoy enhanced sexual gratification, book an appointment with Dr. Jovanovic today. You can book online, or call our office in the Upper East Side in New York City at 347-589-8018, and we will get you scheduled. 

90,000 How to achieve an orgasm every time – scientific advice

Hundreds of studies have been devoted to identifying specific recommendations for improving your sex life. One of them showed that 36% of women achieve orgasm with clitoral stimulation. Compare this to 18% of those who need vaginal sex for this. Sounds simple, right? In fact, this is not the case. The study also found that certain methods of stimulating the clitoris are better than others – for example, up and down movements are better than circular ones. It turned out that many women prefer delicate touches to strong pressure on the clitoris, and almost half of the women said that there is the same secret touch , which leads directly to orgasm.Men, do not hesitate to ask.

Another study brings a little more clarity to the most pressing question: what leads to orgasm? Using data from a heterogeneous group of 53,000 people, researchers were able to discover who orgasms and why. The study covered people of different sexual orientations, but did not take into account data on transgender people and people with gender identity problems.

Three significant factors have been identified that are most likely to lead to orgasm.

1. More oral sex. Women who receive more oral sex during sex are more likely to reach orgasm. But here the secret lies in the combination of oral sex with other techniques. The main thing is variety.
2. More time. Both men and women acknowledge that they are more likely to have an orgasm if sex lasts more than 15 minutes. Rather, women need 30 minutes or an hour. Good foreplay takes time.
3. More happiness. Women who are happy in relationships are more likely to have orgasms.And satisfaction from their own relationships is one of the most significant factors in the appearance of orgasm in women. Although in this case it is not clear whether a happy relationship helps to achieve orgasm, or a good sex life makes the relationship better.

Anna Fedorova – Secrets of the female orgasm, or How to achieve pleasure for a woman read online

Anna Fedorova

Secrets of the female orgasm, or How to achieve pleasure for a woman

From the publisher

A large number of letters that come to the publishing house contain the cry of the soul of women who in their sexual life cannot achieve satisfaction and harmony in any way.Sometimes this cry is silent. Some women day after day are alone with their problem, and, being afraid to tell anyone about it, especially to their man, they drive themselves into depressive states, fraught with not only deep neuroses, but sometimes suicide. For others, chronic dissatisfaction with intimate relationships leads to a nervous environment, scandals, and sometimes to family breakdown, career collapse, etc. As a result, everyone suffers: both spouses, their children and loved ones.

The problem of achieving a female orgasm worries not only women – we must pay tribute to loving men who want to give their wives or girlfriends sexual pleasure, but when faced with difficulties, do not know how to solve them more correctly and turn to us for advice.All this was the reason for the preparation of this book. We collected all the questions on this topic and asked Anna Igorevna Fedorova, Associate Professor of the Department of Sexology of the St. Petersburg Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education, to answer them, who for 21 years of work as an obstetrician-gynecologist and sexologist-psychotherapist, not only faced various problems in the field of female sexuality, marital and sexual disharmony, but was also able to practically help many couples. We hope that this book will not only allow women to better understand the peculiarities of their sexuality, but also become a good adviser to men who seek to better understand the mechanism of female orgasm and the psychological and physiological nature of a woman’s sexual satisfaction.

The book as such is a very convenient source of information, it is intimate, quiet, does not intrude into the family without demand, like television programs, it makes it possible to delicately tell the other half what he or she should know, simply by underlining the necessary lines.

We really want you, our dear reader, to be happy! And we hope this book will help you with that.

Editor-in-chief of the “Continuation of Life” publishing house, coitologist Neonilla Samukhina ,

Director General of the Institute of Coitology

Sexual relations are an area that invariably attracts the interest of people of all ages, all professions and any social status.The nature of this interest and some mystery, which is shrouded in the sexual sphere, has its reasons.

First of all, it is the importance of sexual relations. They not only serve the continuation of the human race, but are also a source of pleasure, have a beneficial effect on human health, give him vitality, develop an active, creative attitude to life, to the world around him, and contribute to mental comfort. Sexual relationships provide a solid, secure foundation for partnerships, marital, family relationships filled with affection and love.

Today, the expression “quality of life” is very popular, most people strive to achieve high quality in all aspects of life, and its sexual sphere is one of the most significant.

Satisfaction with sexual relationships is often the foundation on which our self-confidence rests. And vice versa, unhappiness in the intimate sphere can seriously affect this confidence, make a person feel a sense of inferiority, inferiority, while devaluing the joys from other aspects of life.

The great importance of the sexual side of life causes in every person a completely natural desire to know the nature of his sexuality, to find out the boundaries of his sexual capabilities and to fully realize them. At the same time, social attitudes and traditions in a certain sense prohibit or simply discourage frank discussion of feelings, attitudes and views related to the sphere of sexual relations. Some men and women, having problems in their intimate life, prefer not to share them with anyone.Often, a conversation on sexual topics is reduced, in fact, to the expression of rather tough, intolerant of objections and nuances, views on what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable, what is unacceptable, as well as to discussing the mainly quantitative side of the issue (how many times, with whom, with what erection, etc.).

The sphere of sexual relations is distinguished by a pronounced individuality and diversity. Each person has his own unique sexual experience, his own in many ways special sexual manifestations, sensations, preferences.At the same time, society seeks to dictate to its members, rather rigidly and straightforwardly, ideas about certain sexual values, norms that are acceptable for itself, accepted and encouraged at a given time in a given culture, to clearly regulate what, when, where, how, with whom, why and for what. This is done both through the legislative system and through the use of various incentive measures, both social and material. An important role is played by measures aimed at shaping public opinion, using the media, conducting or prohibiting certain educational activities with adolescents and young people, permitting or prohibiting access to certain information of sexual content, etc.e. We can say that wherever and whatever two people do sexually, society is always present with them as a third partner and evaluates and “reviews” their actions. The result of this assessment affects the sensations and feelings of the participants in the action.

Contradictions between strict sexual norms and real sexual experience often cause anxiety in a person regarding the normalcy of his own or partner’s sexual desires, manifestations, and needs. This is especially significant in our society, where an open, frank discussion of sexual topics is not very accepted, where it was difficult for a person to obtain information about the real diversity of sexual behavior, and the lack of knowledge was abundantly compensated by the creation of sexual myths.

Women’s sexual manifestations are always the most heavily regulated. However, in recent years, the attitude towards them has changed significantly. The process of the “sexual revolution” led to the introduction of ideas of freedom and emancipation in the minds of women, they began to pay more attention to the quality of sexual life and make increased demands on it. Changing stereotypes causes many problems in relations between a man and a woman, between parents and children, in relations with oneself.

Read more

Psychology of female orgasm – center S. Znamenskaya

One of the most discussed and controversial topics is the female orgasm. Someone seeks to achieve an orgasm, someone is not satisfied with the number of orgasms, and someone does not know how to deliver it to their woman.

From a physiological point of view, the female orgasm is vaginal and clitoral. Some women can only have one type of orgasm. Given the physiology, both types of orgasm can be experienced by all women.It can be single or multiple. A woman can experience orgasm on her own, with the help of masturbation. At the same time, most women note that a feeling of satisfaction, a certain completeness of the process, the onset of rest may not occur, even if physical release has come.

This suggests that there is another type of orgasm – moral or emotional. It comes in intercourse with a beloved and loving partner, is characterized not only by vivid bodily sensations in the process, but also by a special state after: a feeling of peace, a feeling of complete satisfaction, deep gratitude, gratitude, tenderness towards a partner, at the physical level, muscle relaxation, pleasant tiredness, drowsiness.

For this, an attentive man is needed who will help a woman to reveal all her sensual sides, as well as her own interest in self-exploration, in knowing her sensitive, erogenous zones and everything that will help create the necessary mood. After all, a female orgasm is a more psychological phenomenon, it can be influenced by hundreds of different factors – from the day of the menstrual cycle to the time of day, from the choice of background music to extraneous sounds from the staircase, from the smell of male perfume to the aroma of cinnamon buns, and, finally, from all those words and touches that a man uses to prepare his woman for sex play.

The psychology of female orgasm presupposes associations, fantasies, innuendo. It is sometimes very important for a woman during sex to compose a beautiful fairy tale or script for herself, and to compare the fantasy with what is happening. After all, no matter how trite it may sound, a woman is much more emotional than a man, and her mood is full of differences and contrasts. Based on this, a man can behave like a good storyteller. The goal is to relax her body and spark her fantasy. To colorfully talk about some events, but at the same time, try to under-speak in something, so that a woman can invent and dream up everything for herself.Physical sensations associated with psychological, are able to connect with fantasies and transfer a woman to the conditions she has invented, help in achieving orgasm. For example, a man can verbally draw a picture of a warm beach for a girl and the sun penetrating into her body. But the tale is told very intimately, in a whisper and in the ear. This is already very individual, and a man should carefully and in advance find out the preferences of his partner.

If a girl feels uncomfortable and constricted with a man, orgasm simply cannot be discussed.The factor of trust is very important for a woman, a feeling of psychological calmness that she experiences in the presence of her man. Trust can be gained by learning about a girl’s interests, beliefs, and views. Try to feel her desires and moods, not to alert her with harsh and unexpected actions. But at the same time, arouse interest with something unsaid, forcing her fantasy to activate.

Many men are mistaken in limiting their caresses to such obvious erogenous zones as the genitals, breasts and neck.Whereas the map of the erogenous zones of each woman is completely unique. And only through careful, gradual research, unobtrusive questions can you find out what exactly will excite your beloved.

You should also not make a woman a hostage to your ambitions, that is, by all means seek every intimacy so that she experiences an orgasm, one or more. If you fix your attention on this aspect, it will only increase the feeling of tension, discomfort, which will only distance pleasure from you two.Many women in such cases, in order not to upset a man, pretend pleasure, which is a sign of distrust in a relationship.

It is worth remembering about the moral orgasm, which can occur even if the clitoral or vaginal orgasm never came. It will come simply because you managed to dissolve in each other, to give the joy of intimate communication. As a result, the woman will still feel happy and satisfied. And that’s exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?

90,000 Scientists have discovered the secret of female orgasm :: Society :: RBK

American and Dutch scientists have come close to uncovering the secret of the female orgasm.In this they were helped by the study of the brain activity of beautiful ladies.

According to the British media, scientists have found that when a woman indulges in erotic fantasies, she activates one area of ​​the brain, and when she has sex, another area enters into action.

The first study on this issue was conducted by a team of Rutgers University in the US state of New Jersey. They scanned the brains of female participants in the experiment who tried to achieve orgasm through erotic fantasies. As a result, it was found that more than 30 areas of the brain were activated in women, including the prefrontal cortex – the area that is responsible for decision-making, control over their needs and imagination.

And then a similar study was carried out by a group of scientists from the University of Groningen in Holland: they scanned the brains of women who were physically stimulated by a partner.As a result, they found out that the areas of the brain that were active in the first case were “turned off” this time and the ladies were able to achieve orgasm.

Based on this, scientists concluded that when a woman reaches orgasm, she enters an altered state of consciousness and, as it were, “turns off” her brain. If the lady is not able to do this, she will have difficulties in obtaining sexual satisfaction. However, researchers believe that further study of the nature of the female orgasm and the role of the prefrontal cortex in this process may help these women.

90,000 Female orgasm is in the genes

Some researchers associate the problems of women with achieving orgasm with evolution, others are mapping the modern romance. Women who are unable to achieve orgasm may be genetically programmed to cull unreliable men who do not live up to their expectations in bed, according to a new study.

Scientists who have studied the ability of thousands of women to achieve orgasm claim that most often it is in their genes, and this is irrefutable proof that the female orgasm plays a biological role.

The findings of the study suggest that the inability of some women to achieve orgasm is not a dysfunction, but a complex strategy for choosing a mate, developed in the process of evolution in prehistoric times.

Tim Spector of St.Thomas, who led the study, said: “In our hypothesis, orgasm is an evolutionary way to understand whether a man will be a good earner, whether he has enough patience and tenderness to take care of children.”

Women who easily achieve orgasm may be content with “lower quality” men.

“Apparently, women who achieved orgasm too easily did a poor job of selection,” said Professor Spector. “It is known that a woman takes an average of twelve minutes to reach orgasm, and a man two and a half minutes.How people adjust to this inconsistency is a test. ”

His group used a national twins registry, interviewing 4,037 women between the ages of 19 and 83 about their sex lives and correlating responses to their DNA. Roughly half of those surveyed were identical twins. with identical genes, the other half are fraternal twins with different genes. It was assumed that the twins grew up in the same conditions, and this allowed to exclude side factors.

32% of women said that they never had orgasm during sex or experienced it rarely, 21 % of respondents achieved orgasm through masturbation.Only 14% said they always have an orgasm during intercourse.

Genetic comparisons have shown that 34% of the variation associated with intercourse is hereditary. In the case of masturbation, 45% of the differences are related to genes. The findings of the study are published in today’s issue of the academic journal Biology Letters.

Professor Spector noted that the conclusions are evaluative in nature, as they are based on the answers to the questions. But genes are arguably the most powerful factor in determining whether a woman has an orgasm.

Genes can act on a physical level, affecting the position of the vagina or clitoris. They can affect psychology by altering a woman’s mood and confidence, or by affecting the activity of enzymes and hormones.

“Probably, it goes along the maternal line, but it cannot be said that the influence of the father is excluded if we are talking about the psychological state, and not about the anatomical structure,” he said.

This work paves the way for further research on gene identification and, possibly, the development of correction methods that will help women achieve orgasm.”With sufficient motivation and funding, it is possible to determine in a few years which genes are associated with this process. Each of them will show a new mechanism for which it is theoretically possible to develop drugs. But so far this area is a taboo zone and has not been researched enough.”

Genetic control over how easily women reach orgasm indicates that this phenomenon is associated with evolution and therefore must bring biological benefits.

According to one hypothesis, orgasm promotes fertility.Research shows that women are more likely to reach orgasm during ovulation. There is also evidence that sperm count increases when a woman has an orgasm. But if that were the only explanation, all women would reach orgasm.

“I prefer the hypothesis of choosing a partner,” Spector said. “If a man, in bed or in a cave, turns out to be powerful enough, strong and attentive, he has a chance to become a long-term partner with whom to raise children.”

Inopressa.ru

Book: Secrets of the female orgasm, or How to achieve pleasure for a woman – Anna Fedorova

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90,000 An excerpt from The Pleasure Point on How Women Achieve Orgasm

The Pleasure Point book by psychologist Laurie Mintz talks in detail about the female orgasm and its main vehicle, the clitoris.Already in the preface, the author proclaims the idea of ​​”equality of orgasms” and devotes his work to all women and men who advocate equality in every area. We are publishing an excerpt from “Your Orgasm Problem Is Cultural”.

Lori Mintz

Teaches a course in the psychology of human sexuality at the University of Florida and has been consulting privately as a licensed psychologist for over 25 years.Author of two books on female sexuality and many scientific and popular articles.

Eliminate pleasure play

The main reason for the lack of orgasm lies in the increased attention to sexual intercourse, conditioned by our culture (Lori Mints separates the concept of “sexual intercourse” from sex in general. According to Mints, sexual intercourse is penetration, the way men achieve orgasm. – Approx. Ed. . ). So, in order to solve this problem, you need to truly deeply realize: the vast majority of women cannot achieve orgasm only through penetration.Basically, ladies need clitoral stimulation, either alone or in combination with penetration.

You may be wondering what the vast majority means. Women’s magazines writing about this usually cite statistics according to which only 25-30% of women can achieve orgasm during intercourse. But, as noted by the scientist who analyzed the studies on the basis of which these statistics were derived, there is one serious problem: in the bulk of cases, the study does not take into account the difference between women who can experience orgasm only from penetration, and those who experience orgasm during sexual intercourse. act due to additional stimulation of the clitoris (by touching it with a hand or a vibrator).Interestingly, in two separate recent studies where this difference was accounted for, scientists found that only 15% of women experience frictional orgasms without clitoral stimulation. The rates decline even further when I ask female students which way of achieving pleasure they think is the most reliable. Average of anonymous polls over several years: 93,005

Rarely or never have an orgasm with a partner – 19%

Only sexual intercourse – 4%

Sexual intercourse plus direct stimulation of the clitoris – 43%

Direct clitoral stimulation only – 34%

Now let’s take only those women who, in principle, can have an orgasm.We will see something amazing:

To reach orgasm, 95% of women need clitoral stimulation!

The clitoris is the key to the female orgasm. We need to publicize this and reinforce the role of the clitoris in our culture. Most importantly, I want this organ to start playing a major role in your sexual relationship.

To help you understand the context of my longtime fascination with the clitoris, let me tell you a story.You remember, I’m middle aged. This means that my sexual maturity was in that era (1970s – early 1980s), when the clitoris was in the spotlight. One of my favorite episodes of the clitoris-oriented era happened when I went to a restaurant with three friends who were also graduate students. Four men began to flirt with us. We are heterosexual ladies, but in order to politely get rid of our boyfriends, we decided to say that they are wasting their time with us, since we are lesbians.The men were somewhat dumbfounded, and one exclaimed (with a rather pleasant accent, I must say): “But intercourse is the greatest pleasure, isn’t it?” And we, without saying a word, loudly answered in chorus: “No!” Thirty years have passed, but we still remember this incident with a laugh.
“But intercourse is the greatest pleasure, isn’t it?” – “No!”

However, it seems that much of what we knew about the clitoris did not reach the millennial generation, and that worries me. Young women consider themselves abnormal if they do not achieve orgasm during intercourse.Many male students say they feel obligated to bring their partner to orgasm with their penis. When I tell them how things really are, it becomes a real revelation for them: the vagina (by which I mean the internal canal of the female genital organs) has very few nerve endings that are sensitive to touch. Most of them, thanks to which a lady can experience an orgasm, is located outside. I repeat: penetration is optional. Stimulation of the clitoris is mandatory. Appreciating the real role of the clitoris and taking care of it – that’s the whole secret of orgasm!

Topic details

Testicular explosion, acne, sperm cocktails: myths and truths about how sex affects health

Testicular explosion, acne, sperm cocktails: myths and truths about how sex affects health

The focus on clitoral stimulation explains why women have more orgasms with lesbian sex, and why a lady is more likely to have orgasms alone than with a partner.When two women have sex, they mainly focus on mutual stimulation of the clitoris, penetration (for example, with a strapon or dildo) is completely optional and only occurs if one of the women believes that it can increase her arousal and bring her orgasm closer. Likewise, 88 to 99% of women do not use any kind of penetration during masturbation – and those who do, almost always combine it with clitoral stimulation. For self-satisfaction, most women focus only on their clitoris: they use a vibrator, fingers, pillow and other assistive stimulation, and as a result, more than 94% reach orgasm.Thus, in both solo and lesbian sex, the clitoris plays the main role – but during intercourse, penetration comes to the fore, and this organ gets less attention. Regardless of the conditions in which contact occurs, whether with a new partner, permanent or for any other sex.

During sexual intercourse, which includes penetration, 78% of women’s orgasmic problems are caused by insufficient or improper stimulation of the clitoris.

So the solution is clear: let’s make both penetration and stimulation of the clitoris equally important!

To be clear, I’m not trying to turn the situation upside down and make clitoral stimulation more valuable than the act itself. I just want to level the playing field and make these two processes equally appreciated. I am not against intercourse at all – I am for clitoral stimulation! And if you are one of those rare women (that is, according to surveys among my students, belong to 5%) who are guaranteed to reach orgasm only from penetration, there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not say that you should stop receiving pleasure. thus.The fact is, most ladies don’t know how unusual this is – and even for many (as you’ll see in the next chapter), it’s biologically impossible! Curiously, I’ve met several women who thought they had orgasm during intercourse (since it really feels good) – but realized they were wrong when they took the time to examine their clitoris. The main mass likes the emotional and physical sensations obtained during intercourse, but frictions rarely bring them to orgasm.To reduce the playfulness of pleasure and for more women to reach orgasm, internal stimulation (intercourse for him) and external stimulation (stimulation of the clitoris for her) must be considered equally important.

Note for women who have sex with women

As you can see, the main purpose of this book is to eradicate the myths about intercourse, which are at the root of the problems with orgasm in many women. Obviously, these problems are not so relevant for ladies who have lesbian sex.If this is your case, you can skip the sections on Debunking Penetration Myths. Or read them and be glad that you are already one step ahead in the orgasm game! […]

This is easier said than done, though. Equalizing penetration and clitoral stimulation requires more than just knowing about the existence of the clitoris. I say this from my therapist’s own experience, as well as an interesting study that found that women who had an understanding of the role of the clitoris were more likely to orgasm during masturbation, but not during sex.Applying the knowledge of intercourse will require additional skills that go beyond anatomy. You need a positive attitude. It is important to get rid of guilt and shame for having sex . You need to feel that your pleasure is as valuable as that of your partner. Learn to relax and not be ashamed of yourself during sex. You also need good sexual communication skills. You will find all this on the following pages.

Topic details

How and why to talk about sex with a partner

How and why to talk about sex with a partner

Pleasure Backlash: Real-World Overcoming Stories

As a sex counselor, people often talk to me about their sexual difficulties, and not just in college or my office.27-year-old stylist Diana admitted that she really likes the new boyfriend, but worries that she cannot have an orgasm with him, as with the previous boyfriend, who she liked less.

We talked, and I learned that the former partner had some difficulties with maintaining an erection and “compensated” for this with prolonged oral sex. The new boyfriend didn’t have these issues, so the couple paid more attention to intercourse without worrying about clitoral stimulation. I also learned that Diana, like most women, touches the clitoris when masturbating – and, unsurprisingly, reaches orgasm this way.Despite this, they focused on the penis, believing it would lead them to enjoyment.

In other words, Diana knew how important the clitoris is during oral sex and masturbation, and even knew how to proceed to cum, but could not grasp that during sexual intercourse, you need to pay attention to her clitoris.

As soon as she saw this connection during our conversation (and it became a serious revelation for her!), Everything changed. Diana explained the situation to her boyfriend.Now, before moving on to intercourse, they started with oral sex, during which Diana regularly had Big O.

For Jasmine, things weren’t so easy. Having learned about the clitoris at my lectures, the girl bought a clitoral vibrator and had an orgasm for the first time. But she was horrified to think about how to tell her boyfriend about it. “I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable,” she said. Brandon was in the grip of the same false illusion that Jasmine had previously succumbed to – that his penis played a major role in her pleasure.She maintained this illusion for several months of their relationship, simulating orgasms with screams and crumpled sheets, as in the porn films they watched together. In the end, the girl plucked up the courage to talk to Brandon about her fake orgasms, and admitted what she needed to experience true pleasure. The conversation went badly. Brandon was furious that Jasmine was pretending – and did not want his penis to be replaced by a vibrator. They broke up. Fortunately, after a few months, Jasmine met Kevin and was able to explain from the very beginning what she needed to orgasm.Kevin was all for it, he was quite ready to engage in oral sex with Jasmine a lot and did not mind if she used a vibrator during intercourse. He wanted to please her.

The girl no longer needed to portray a porn star – now her moans were real.

In my experience as an educator and therapist, most men are more like Kevin than Brandon: they really want to please the woman and willingly accept information on how to do it.I’ve read articles claiming that men are generally not interested in a lady’s pleasure, especially during casual sex. Sometimes this is true (if you meet one, run!), But the men with whom I spoke sincerely wanted to please their women. They just didn’t know how – or too many girls faked an orgasm during sex with them, and they began to think that they had a universal key to female pleasure.

There is no universal secret that allows you to bring any woman to orgasm, because, I repeat once again, everyone’s needs are unique, moreover, they can change even during sexual contacts with the same partner! Some are more likely to experience orgasms from oral sex.Others are from manual stimulation without a penis in the vagina. Still others – from stimulating the clitoris (with your own hands, your partner’s hand, or a vibrator) when the penis (or dildo) is inside. Often a lady needs several types of caresses. In addition, women generally take much longer than men to reach orgasm during partner sex (by comparison: 15–45 minutes versus 2–10 minutes). Whether it’s fair or not, ladies just need more sophisticated things to experience the fun.

Most of us are told very little of how it actually happens: instead, we are fed lies about orgasm during intercourse.

No wonder you and your girlfriends have been trying to find the secret to breathtaking penis-assisted orgasms. Is it strange that almost half of women between the ages of 18 and 30 have difficulties in this matter!

I want things to change. I dream that no other woman – especially you – will experience difficulties with orgasm.