What is borderline personality disorder. How does it affect romantic relationships. Tips for couples living with borderline personality disorder.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that can significantly impact an individual’s relationships, emotions, and overall well-being. It is characterized by a persistent pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood, as well as impulsive behavior. Those with BPD often experience intense and rapidly changing emotions, a fear of abandonment, and difficulty regulating their feelings.

The Challenges of Having a Partner with BPD

Navigating a romantic relationship with someone who has BPD can be incredibly challenging. The symptoms of BPD, such as mood swings, impulsivity, and distrust, can create a tumultuous and unpredictable dynamic within the relationship. Partners of individuals with BPD may find themselves constantly walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate and manage their loved one’s emotional outbursts.

The fear of abandonment that is common in those with BPD can lead to intense jealousy, suspicion, and a constant need for reassurance from their partner. This can strain the relationship and make it difficult for the non-BPD partner to feel truly secure and trusted. Additionally, the hypersensitivity to emotions that is characteristic of BPD can lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdowns between partners.

Tips for Couples Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

While a relationship with someone who has BPD can be incredibly difficult, it is not impossible. With compassion, communication, and a commitment to personal growth, couples can learn to navigate the unique challenges and find fulfillment in their relationship.

Prioritize Effective Communication

Open and honest communication is crucial in a relationship affected by BPD. Partners should strive to express their feelings, needs, and concerns in a non-judgmental and constructive manner. It may also be helpful to establish agreed-upon communication strategies, such as taking breaks when emotions run high or scheduling regular check-ins.

Educate Yourself About BPD

Understanding the underlying causes and symptoms of BPD can help partners better empathize with their loved one’s experiences and develop more effective coping strategies. Seeking out reputable resources, such as books, articles, or support groups, can provide valuable insights and strategies for navigating the unique challenges of a BPD relationship.

Encourage Seeking Professional Help

Encouraging the partner with BPD to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can be instrumental in managing the condition and improving the relationship. A mental health professional can help the individual with BPD develop coping mechanisms, improve emotional regulation, and work towards more stable and fulfilling relationships.

Practice Self-Care and Set Boundaries

It is essential for the non-BPD partner to prioritize their own self-care and establish healthy boundaries within the relationship. This may involve taking time for personal hobbies, engaging in stress-reducing activities, or setting limits on the amount of emotional support they can provide at any given time. By taking care of their own well-being, partners can better support their loved one with BPD.

Foster Patience and Empathy

Relationships affected by BPD require a great deal of patience and empathy from both partners. The non-BPD partner should strive to understand that the intense emotions and erratic behavior associated with BPD are not a reflection of their own worth or the value of the relationship. By approaching the relationship with compassion and a willingness to work through the challenges, couples can build a stronger, more resilient bond.

Seek Couple’s Therapy

Engaging in couple’s therapy can be immensely beneficial for couples navigating a relationship with BPD. A therapist can help the partners better communicate, resolve conflicts, and develop strategies for managing the unique challenges they face. Couple’s therapy can also provide a safe and supportive environment for the partners to work through any trust issues or resentment that may have built up over time.

The Importance of Mutual Understanding and Support

Ultimately, a successful relationship with someone who has BPD requires a deep commitment from both partners. By fostering mutual understanding, practicing effective communication, and seeking professional support, couples can overcome the challenges posed by BPD and build a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship.

Tips for Couples Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

By Julie RevelantMedically Reviewed by Allison Young, MD

Reviewed: October 15, 2018

Medically Reviewed

With compassion and good communication, borderline personality disorder doesn’t have to signal doom for your romantic relationship.Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

Stephanie, of Jacksonville, Florida, has struggled with depression since she was a child. But in 2012, her mental health took a turn for the worse and her mood swings started to create conflict with her husband, Jerome. “At that time, I didn’t know what was going on. I would get angry for no apparent reason,” says Stephanie, whose last name has been withheld for her privacy.

At first, Stephanie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but when she found another doctor who took the time to complete a thorough evaluation, she learned the true culprit was borderline personality disorder (BPD), which she was diagnosed with six months later.

The Challenges of Having a Partner or Spouse Diagnosed With BPD

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that can cause affected individuals to have a negative self-image, make risky or impulsive choices, engage in self-harming behaviors, and have intense emotions and mood swings. Also, BPD, which is likely caused by a mix of environmental factors, brain activity, and genetics, can lead people to have trouble empathizing with others’ feelings and fear that they will be abandoned by their loved ones. (1)

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Could It Be Borderline Personality Disorder?

It goes without saying that these symptoms can create a perfect storm for a tumultuous relationship that in some cases may prove destructive.

In September 2018, SNL comedian Pete Davidson, who has been open about his struggles with BPD, said he had been concerned his diagnosis would prevent him from having a healthy relationship before getting together with then-fiancée Ariana Grande. “I was [afraid it could ruin relationships] until I met her,” he said, according to People. “I just think we are supposed to be together.” But in October 2018, TMZ broke the news that Davidson and Grande called off their engagement and broke up.

As of that month, the pair hadn’t confirmed the cause of their split. But the truth is “it is challenging to be in a relationship with somebody who has BPD because one of the hallmarks is this fear of real or fantasy abandonment,” says Gail Saltz, MD, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NewYork Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine in New York City.

That fear of abandonment can lead people with BPD to mistrust their partner. A study published in the journal Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment found that after talking to their spouses about personal fears and possible reasons their relationship might end, women with BPD experienced a lower perception of trustworthiness in their spouse compared with women without BPD. (2)

For the person with BPD to manage the demands, closeness, and vulnerability of the relationship with his or her partner, “they have to work harder than other people at allowing themselves to choose to trust that person,” says Elizabeth Ochoa, PhD, chief psychologist at Mount Sinai Beth Israel in New York City.

The instability and unpredictability of the relationship itself can cause the partner without BPD to have trust issues as well.

For Stephanie, fear of abandonment was a familiar feeling from childhood. When she was a teenager, she says, her parents divorced, moved away, and left her and her brother on their own. With Jerome, Stephanie says those fears would also surface. “I always felt if he was going to go out, he would do something or find somebody better,” Stephanie says.

Unfortunately, that fear was realized when, while Stephanie was pregnant with one of their children, Jerome had an extramarital affair, further exacerbating her abandonment and trust issues. “I’m still dealing with it,” she says.

People with BPD are furthermore hypersensitive to every emotional nuance, usually in a negative way. “I can feel when there is something bothering him,” Stephanie says. “I can often tell before he even notices that something is bothering him.”

Dr. Saltz explains that people with BPD perceive emotion even in the absence of facial expressions. “That is their interpretation because that is what their brain is telling them,” Saltz says, “and that disconnect can of course make it hard for them to connect to and understand and feel safe with their partner.”

BPD can also cause extreme mood swings. “There can be this wonderful intensity, which may be delightful at the time with your partner, but it can quickly become unstable,” Saltz says.

One minute the person with BPD may idealize their partner and feel very close to him or her and the next, the person with BPD can get angry and put down his or her partner whether the partner did something wrong or failed to do something desired. “I had no clue when I would get angry. It would just come on all of a sudden,” Stephanie says. “If he left a dish on the counter, I would go off.”

Jerome says Stephanie’s extreme mood swings were challenging because he couldn’t anticipate what would cause her to get angry and trigger an argument, or how to prevent these episodes. “At the surface, we’re fighting over something that was kind of immaterial to the bigger picture of what was going on, and that kind of created a lot of noise,” he says.

Finding Relief if You’re Facing Relationship Problems Due to Borderline Personality Disorder

Gerry Surrency, a board-certified advanced practice psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner with North Florida Medical Associates in Orange Park, Florida, who provided therapy for the couple, says identifying Stephanie’s symptoms, validating them with Jerome, and then deciding on the best intervention was key in helping them improve their relationship.

Surrency and other experts say that despite the challenges BPD can bring to a relationship, communication skills and self-care are important for both partners. Here are some other tips for partners dealing with BPD:

Seek out information. Learning as much as possible about BPD can increase empathy in a partnership. If you’re the partner affected by BPD, educating yourself about the disorder can help give an explanation for your feelings and behaviors and help ease your shame. Education can help the spouse without BPD understand that it’s an illness, not a choice. “When the person is responding out of fear, shame, or lack of self-worth, [the spouse can understand] this is not the whole person, this is a moment in time that will pass,” Dr. Ochoa says.

Get help. Seeking support from a mental health counselor or therapist — separately or as a couple — can help people affected by BPD gain insight, communicate more effectively, resolve conflict, and strengthen their relationships.

Because someone with BPD can also experience other conditions, such as anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse, it’s important for both partners to keep their provider informed about changes in mood and behavior, Surrency says.

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Practice healthy communication. When you communicate, don’t say anything that could make the person with BPD feel slighted or uncared for. Actively listen and do your best to respond in a positive way. “Always do it in love as opposed to attacking or putting the person down,” Surrency says.

Ask open-ended questions. If you’re a partner to someone with the disorder, it’s important to speak objectively and keep in mind that BPD can cause people to misconstrue what others say to them. Asking open-ended questions can also help them feel that they’re being heard, such as “I think….”

“You may need to use your words in places where you would assume that your facial expression or the nuance in the room would make it clear,” Saltz says. “You may really need to spell it out.”

Talk only when your partner is calm. A severe episode of BPD is not the time to tackle potentially sensitive topics, like the cleanliness of your living room or your family budget. Doing so may lead your partner with BPD to make irrational decisions. He or she is also more likely to be defensive, pull away, or turn to self-harming behaviors when their symptoms are uncontrolled.

Offer support. Partners should provide the person with BPD understanding and emotional support and encourage and support their treatment. “I think it’s important for the partner to tell the person that they are there, that they understand it’s hard, and they want to help them in any way they can whether or not it’s rejected,” Ochoa says.

Avoid labeling or blaming. It’s important to be careful not to blame everything the person with BPD says or does on their mental illness because “then it starts to become sort of an insult or a put-down,” Saltz says.

Take threats seriously. Threats of self-harm or suicide should never become a form of blackmail in the relationship, but they must be taken seriously regardless of whether you believe the person plans to follow through. Call your spouse’s therapist, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255), or 911. This isn’t only to protect them. “You also have to maintain your own sanity and safety,” Saltz says.

Prioritize self-care. Likewise, being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can feel all-consuming, but it’s important to seek out your own support system and have a healthy outlet to deal with stress.

Make healthy eating, fitness, and sleep a priority, and carve out time for friends, a hobby or enjoyable activities. Although a glass of wine for example, can help you relax, be aware that you can get drawn into substance abuse if your partner is abusing too, Saltz says.

Know that you can live a normal life with BPD. People with BPD often have risk-taking behaviors, such as overspending, drug use, reckless driving, or self-harm due to a lack of inhibition. Although these behaviors can be dangerous, and potentially life-threatening, many people with BPD are high-functioning individuals. “There are definitely different degrees of severity of BPD,” Saltz says.

Making Peace With Borderline Personality Disorder as a Couple

Once Stephanie was able to get an accurate diagnosis and the right medication, she says her illness became more manageable. “I don’t get those blowout anger episodes anymore,” she says.

Therapy and learning more effective ways to communicate has also helped her marriage. When Stephanie is struggling, for example, she’ll tell Jerome, “Today is an off day,” which helps him understand and not take things personally, but still offer support, even if it’s a simple hug.

Instead of letting an argument escalate, they’re able to neutralize a disagreement before it gets out of control. “Going down that path and going blow for blow isn’t going to get us anywhere,” Jerome says.

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Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

1. Borderline Personality Disorder. National Institute of Mental Health. December 2017.
2. Miano A, Fertuck EA, Roepke S, Dziobek. Romantic Relationship Dysfunction in Borderline Personality Disorder-A Nautralistic Approach to Trustworthiness Perception. Personality Disorders. July 2017.

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How to Handle a Relationship With Someone Who Has It

Written by Kate Rope

• Learn About Borderline Personality Disorder
• Take Care of Yourself First
• Set — and Stick With — Boundaries
• Enforce Emotional Boundaries, Too
• Replace Unhealthy Connection With Healthy Connection
• Be Consistent
• Support Your Partner’s Treatment
• Know When You Need to Protect Yourself
• Know When to Protect Your Partner
• More

People who live with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have a hard time regulating their emotions, which can be very intense, and handling stress. This can lead them to lash out at the people in their lives. As a result, they often have turbulent relationships that are as hard for the other people in them as BPD is for the person living with it. If you live with someone who has BPD, this isn’t news to you, but you may feel be at a loss about how to do anything about it.

Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in supporting the loved ones of people with BPD, has advice on how to help yourself, your partner, and your relationship get to a healthier place.

Living with borderline personality disorder — or living with someone who has it — can be isolating. People with BPD and the people who live with them often feel totally alone. Education is critical, especially when it comes to the behaviors that come with the condition.

People with BPD tend to lash out and attack the person who doesn’t have it, Lobel says. “So people who are with people who have BPD end up feeling bad about themselves.”

Learning about how BPD causes this helps people who don’t have it understand that it isn’t them. Lobel suggests these sites to learn more about borderline personality disorder and find support:

• BPDcentral.com
• Personality Disorder Awareness Network
• National Alliance on Mental Illness

Before you do anything else, “you have to stop the person from hurting you in order to make progress in the relationship,” Lobel says. Trying to help them when you’re being treated poorly — being yelled at, living with passive aggressive behavior — isn’t safe for you and isn’t likely to help your partner.

Instead, he says, the first step is setting a boundary about your well-being. He suggests telling your partner, “I can’t be with you unless I am well, and in order for me to be well, I have to stop you from hurting me.”

If your partner says they can’t stop, they’ll likely need professional help before you can make any progress. The goal in this step, Lobel says, is to let your partner know, “you have to stop abusing me or we have nowhere to go.”

“People with BPD try to get other people to do for them what they should be doing for themselves,” Lobel says. And often they succeed, because the other person just wants to stop the yelling, so they give in.

Instead, tell your partner, “I will not participate in things that are unhealthy.” That might mean insisting they don’t use drugs or alcohol in the house, or not joining in if they do. It could mean leaving if your partner is yelling at you or belittling you.

People with borderline personality disorder often bring the people near them into their emotions.

“They think, ‘If I’m angry, you need to be angry too,’ so they will create a circumstance that makes the other person angry,” Lobel says.

If you can spot these trends, it will go a long way toward stopping this co-dependent cycle.

Lobel suggests telling your partner, “You’re angry. I understand. I don’t need to be angry to understand that you’re angry. We can talk about your anger, but you can’t yell at me or be abusive.”

If they can’t stop the behavior, you can tell them “You have to handle this on your own.”

Fighting with or defending yourself from a partner who’s treating you badly saps your interest and ability to do enjoyable things with them. That makes it harder to connect.

Lobel says making a change, like walking away when they’re treating you badly, frees up time and emotional space for you to have positive interactions, like watching a movie or taking a walk together. These are more positive ways of showing love.

“Consistency is so important,” Lobel says, “because people with BPD test boundaries. If you set a limit, they may see what ways they can push or encroach on the limit.” If the pattern between you has been to let boundaries be stretched or broken over a long time, it won’t change overnight.

“You can’t just change up the boundary one day and expect them to comply,” he says. “In the short-term they will test it more.” That means things are likely to get worse before they get better.

“But if you can get past that part, and if you are very consistent,” Lobel says, “they will start to accept your boundaries.” They won’t stop testing your limits, but they will do it less and less.

There’s no medication that specifically treats borderline personality disorder. But there are therapies, like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which is the go-to treatment. “Trying to get them into a DBT program is very helpful,” Lobel says, because it teaches people with BPD healthier ways to respond and interact. You’ll want to find a therapist who’s has experience working with DBT and with people who have borderline personality disorder.

Let your loved one know DBT can help anyone, not just folks with BPD, because it “helps people communicate and increase their tolerance for stress.”

Provide recognition when they make progress. “Compliment and comment on any positive changes and behaviors you notice,” Lobel says.

“The ultimate boundary in a relationship with someone who has BPD, is telling them, ‘I just can’t stay,’” Lobel says. How do you know when it’s time to draw that line? Here are a few things to watch out for.

• Physical violence. Nobody should stay in a relationship where there’s continued physical violence, Lobel says. “Someone will get hurt, the police will be involved, nothing good can come from that.”
• Too many boundaries. When there are so many topics or kinds of interactions you need to avoid to prevent your partner from lashing out, you’ve removed most of the sources of potential communication, intimacy, and connection.
• Your partner is unwilling to make changes. “If the person insists, ‘there is nothing wrong with me, it’s all you,’ that’s a red flag, and you probably have to pack your bags,” Lobel says.
• Your mood is consistently bad. “Are you walking around miserable all the time?” Lobel asks. “If you feel crappy about this relationship all day, every day, you gotta go.”

One symptoms of BPD is self-harm, like cutting, or suicidal gestures such as overdose. If you see your partner injuring themselves, call 911.

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Borderline personality disorder.

What do the first symptoms of BPD look like and how to treat it? Many are accustomed to thinking that this diagnosis is characteristic of psychopaths and is extremely dangerous for others. The fact is that patients with BPD often suffer from mood swings and are prone to aggression in relation to other people. However, is it really that simple? How to identify BPD and interact with the “border guards” – in the material “Lenta.ru”.

What is borderline personality disorder?

Everyone experiences mood swings and self-esteem, but sometimes excessive instability can indicate the presence of an emotionally unstable disorder.

ICD-10 divides it into two subspecies – impulsive and borderline. Impulsive disorder is characterized by frequent mood swings, a tendency to act impulsively, and an increased level of aggression in relationships with others.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is also expressed in constant instability, hypersensitivity in relationships with other people, floating self-esteem. Unlike impulsive disorder, people with BPD are less aggressive towards others, but such people are prone to self-harm, to the point of attempting suicide

The main symptom of borderline disorder, which is its basis, is an identity defect, a lack of self-perception and self-understanding. A person does not have a clear idea of ​​himself, his properties and qualities, he lacks internal support.

According to statistics, women suffer from BPD three times more often than men.

What are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?

As psychotherapist Aleksey Pribytkov explains, people with borderline disorder are most often overly afraid of being alone, of being abandoned, and therefore tend to make great efforts to prevent this from happening.

Photo: unsplash

Signs of BPD (borderline personality disorder)

1. Emotional swing . In one moment, people with such a diagnosis idealize a partner, and in another second they already hate him. Despite this, relationships with people with BPD can be long-lasting but emotionally unstable. Because of the fear of being alone, people with this diagnosis can become dependent on other people.

2. Excessive outbursts of anger, intense anger . Patients may express their anger by directing it to loved ones as payment for neglect and abandonment. Then they begin to blame themselves for this behavior.

3. Strong fear of being abandoned . People with BPD can be unsettled when someone significant to them cancels an appointment or is a couple of minutes late.

4. Rapid changes in life orientation and self-esteem . Goals and values ​​change for no particular reason. Since such people tend to consider themselves bad, they need impulses from outside to feel alive and needed.

5. Impulsive acts, self-destructive behavior . Examples include substance abuse, reckless spending, reckless driving, and overeating.

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6. Paranoia associated with severe stress . The loss of contact with reality, the feeling of a separate existence from the body, can last from several minutes to several hours.

7. Sabotaging success . People with BPD may drop out of school unexpectedly shortly before graduation or ruin a promising relationship.

8. Feeling of emptiness and lack of interest in what is happening .

9. Suicidal thoughts and actions . Inflicting damage to “relieve emotional stress.” Often occur in response to separation anxiety or partner rejection.

A number of other disorders may be present, including depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and eating disorders and drug use problems

Why does borderline personality disorder occur?

Although the causes of BPD are not fully known, scientists argue that early childhood stress may contribute to the diagnosis. Many patients have been victims of sexual or physical abuse, lost a parent as a teenager, or experienced neglect by loved ones.

Some people have a genetic predisposition to an abnormal response to stress in their environment. In this case, BPD may appear as a hereditary component. The risk that a child may develop a disorder increases five times if there are people with a similar disease among his relatives.

Photo: unsplash

It is possible to encounter BPD if a person has any disturbances in the functions of the brain and neuroregulatory systems. For example, patients may have malfunctions in the regulation of chemicals, the production of serotonin, which affects mood.

Can borderline personality disorder be cured?

Borderline personality disorder is difficult to treat, but therapy and medication can help people with this disorder improve their quality of life and relieve their symptoms.

There are several types of psychotherapy for people with BPD.

1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) . Combines individual and group sessions where therapists act as coaches and are available on call around the clock. In addition, patients are taught skills to manage their emotions and negative expectations. During therapy, they learn to set goals, improve their habits, and take care of themselves.

2. Therapy based on mentalization . It refers to people’s ability to reflect on and understand the state of their own mind and that of others, helps regulate their emotions and understand how patients’ interactions with others affect themselves. Mentalization can be mastered through secure attachment to a loved one.

3. Transference-focused psychotherapy . It primarily focuses on the interaction between the patient and the therapist. The specialist asks questions and helps to see the distorted and unreal self-perception during the session. For example, a sudden change in the patient’s behavior during a meeting can be an occasion for discussion and reflection. The result should be healthier relationships with others through transference to the therapist.

4. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) . It uses the principles of awareness and acceptance of the current situation and emotional state. DBT teaches control skills and reduces self-destructive behavior.

Photo: unsplash

Medications help control specific symptoms and are most often used in conjunction with psychotherapy. Mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics, which are used to treat anxiety, anger, and cognitive disorders, may be effective in reducing the symptoms of BPD.

How to identify borderline personality disorder in yourself and loved ones?

If you suspect you have BPD, try answering a few questions:

1. Would you call yourself a “risk person”?

2. Are you prone to impulsive actions that you later regret?

3. Have you ever felt insecure, thought that you do not have a clear picture of yourself?

4. Have you ever had suicidal thoughts or a desire to harm yourself during difficult emotional experiences?

5. Do you find it difficult to control outbursts of anger and aggression towards other people?

6. Have you had to abruptly switch from love to hate in relation to your partner?

7. Do you experience severe mood swings – from short-term, but strong anger and irritability to days of apathy and depression?

8. Do you have a fear of being alone that makes you act inappropriately? For example, constantly calling close people, trying to be always close to your partner?

If you answered “yes” to most of the questions, then it makes sense to contact a specialist. Symptoms can be associated not only with BPD, but also indicate other health problems. Only a psychotherapist can make a competent diagnosis and conduct a detailed consultation.

How to communicate with people with borderline disorder?

Living with “border guards” can be like an emotional swing and raises many challenges, including the question, “How can you deal with this?”

Author of the book “Far Close. How to live with a person with borderline personality disorder: emotions, boundaries, conflicts “Jerold Kreisman created a manual on how to successfully interact with people who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

The psychiatrist offers the SET-UP strategy, which was developed in the early 1980s as part of a program to treat patients with BPD in the hospital. The statements associated with the S component (from English support – “support”) sound like this: “I care about how you feel”, “I’m sorry that this is happening to you”, “I want to help you.” E (empathy) is empathy. You acknowledge that the person with BPD is unwell, conflicted, and uncomfortable. It is important to show the person that you understand the challenges they face.

T (truth) draws attention to a realistic assessment of the situation and to the fact that a person with borderline disorder must take responsibility for their behavior. Most often, statements here relate to the solution of pressing problems. You can say to a person, “We know what happened, but now we need to deal with the consequences. Here’s how I can help. What are you going to do for your part?”

Photo: Vladimir Astapkovich / RIA Novosti

The UP component is a constant reminder to you and your loved one that healthy relationships always need understanding, perseverance and proper building.

In addition, you need to remind people with BPD that you care about them. They often need confirmation of their worth and importance in your eyes.

People with BPD tend to withdraw into themselves out of fear of rejection, so it is important to take an interest in their affairs and how they feel. This is a great strategy for building rapport.

Soften the bad news with support and empathy so that the person with the diagnosis understands that their feelings and emotions are important to you. If your joint plans are canceled, then try to suggest another day for the meeting.

It is important to observe what triggers a loved one with BPD has. As mentioned in the previous sections, the two main ones are getting rejected and being abandoned. Simple situations that most people are used to can hit the “border guards” hard. Let’s say if you didn’t reply to a message for a long time because you were busy. In this case, it is worth explaining that your personal attitude towards the person has not changed because of this situation

Border guards in movies

Characters with BPD are often seen in movies. For example, the behavior of the “border guard” is demonstrated in the second and third episodes of Star Wars in the person of Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. The girl is desperately afraid of losing her love, claims that she cannot live without it, while the villain Vader feels lost and finds it difficult to define himself.

In the cartoon “Ralph” the main character also shows signs of BPD more than once – he is prone to making impulsive decisions, sudden mood swings and depends on his girlfriend Vanellope. In the second film, he is afraid that the girl might leave him alone. At the same time, the hero’s mental illness makes him an understanding and sensitive friend.

Frame: Girl, Interrupted

Another popular character with borderline disorder is BoJack from the animated series BoJack Horseman. The protagonist is an anthropomorphic horse, a popular sitcom star of the 90s, suffering from diminishing public attention every year. BoJack does not have a clear understanding of himself, and self-esteem depends on the opinions of others. He manipulates others, impulsively falls in love. At the same time, the horse is very vulnerable, and his disorder harms, first of all, himself.

Angelina Jolie’s character Lisa Rowe in Girl, Interrupted is prone to self-destruction and violent outbursts, manipulates people and generally shows all the signs of a person with BPD. He is, however, diagnosed by another heroine who ends up in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt.

how people with borderline personality disorder and self-hatred deal

content

• 1 borderline personality disorder: why self-hatred cannot be just a passing episode
  • 1.1 Living on the edge: how to live with borderline personality disorder
  • 1.2 Personality disorder: what it is and what causes it
    • 1.2.1 What is a personality disorder?
    • 1.2.2 What causes a personality disorder?
  • 1.3 How do I recognize the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?
    • 1. 3.1 Frequent mood swings
    • 1.3.2 Extremism
    • 1.3.3 Relationship problems
    • 1.3.4 Emotional instability
    • 1.3.5 Self-harming and suicidal tendencies
  • consequences
  • 1.6 Managing negative emotions: practical advice
    • 1.6.1 1. Work on your internal dialogue.
    • 1.6.2 2. Find ways to regularly express your emotions.
    • 1.6.3 3. Engage in self-help.
    • 1.6.4 4. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.
    • 1.6.5 5. Ask for support. 1.7 Self-help for borderline personality disorder: what you can do yourself 4
  • 1.8 Where to find specialized help with borderline personality disorder
    • 1.8.1 Psychological centers and clinics
    • 1.8.2 Internet resources
    • 1.8.3 Helpline
    • 1.8.4 Social services
  • 1.9 The role of relatives and friends in the life of a person with borderline personality disorder
  • 1.1 0 How to Manage Your Condition at Work with Borderline Disorder personalities
  • 1. 11 Relationships and borderline personality disorder: how to find balance in love relationships
    • 1.11.1 Borderline personality disorder in relationships
    • 1.11.2 How to find balance in relationships
    • 1.11.3 Conclusion
  • 1.12 Road to recovery: how long does it take to recover from borderline personality disorder
  • 1.13 Related videos:
  • 1.14 Q&A:
    9016 1
    • 1.14.0.1 What is borderline personality disorder ?
    • 1.14.0.2 How to deal with self-loathing?
    • 1.14.0.3 How does borderline personality disorder manifest in relationships?
    • 1.14.0.4 How is borderline personality disorder treated?
    • 1.14.0.5 What methods help to cope with borderline personality disorder?
    • 1.14.0.6 Which causes borderline personality disorder?

An article about how borderline personality disorder affects the way you relate to yourself and others. We talk about how people with this disease live and how the lack of compromise and self-hatred affect their lives.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a severe mental illness characterized by unstable emotional state, problems in interpersonal relationships, hypersensitivity to criticism, and a real or perceived threat of being left without support. A feature of BPD is an increased tendency to self-destruction and suicidal behavior.

“This day is oppressive and oppressive, as if I were standing inside an earthen ball. My thoughts inside are the sun and the sky. But when I go outside, I lose it and remain separate. – Quote from a person with BPD and self-hatred.

Although BPD is a serious disorder, it can be managed with competent treatment and support. People living with BPD can learn to manage their emotions, increase self-confidence, learn to build healthy relationships and live fully. Self-expression and creativity can serve as an effective means of self-help and self-healing.

Living on the Edge: How to Live with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by mood instability, fear of being alone, and a lack of stable self-esteem. BPD can lead to severe depression, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts. The most difficult thing is that people with BPD have to deal with feelings of inferiority and self-hatred all their lives.

One of the key treatments for BPD is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which helps develop strong skills to manage negative emotions and regulate behavior. It is aimed at strengthening the personality and increasing emotional stability.

In addition to therapy, lifestyle changes are important. These can include stress management exercises, exercise, nutrition, sleep, and leisure activities. Establishing a daily routine and strict adherence to its discipline will help not only avoid unpleasant emotions, but also strengthen overall mental stability.

It is important to remember that BPD is not a sentence, but a challenge that can be accepted. Immediately after the diagnosis, it is better to turn to professionals who will help you choose the right treatment and tell you how to live life on the edge.

Personality disorder: what is it and what causes it?

What is a personality disorder?

Personality disorder is a group of mental illnesses characterized by persistent and inappropriate behavioral reactions, views of the world and oneself.

Such people cannot adequately respond to situations and often experience emotional dissatisfaction from their actions and decisions in life.

What causes a personality disorder?

There are many factors that can contribute to the development of a personality disorder:

• Abusive upbringing or harsh living conditions
• Negative experiences with people in childhood
• Drugs and alcohol
• Chronic stress and depression

9016 1 Genetic predisposition

How as a rule, this disorder does not manifest itself strongly in childhood, but begins to manifest itself in adolescence or adulthood.

But regardless of the cause, the treatments are effective enough to allow people with this personality disorder to improve their lives and reach a new level of interaction with the outside world.

How to recognize the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?

Frequent mood changes

People with borderline personality disorder often experience mood swings. They can quickly go from euphoria to deep depression. Also, they have an unpredictable mood. Sometimes, they may feel sad or irritated for a long time, even if the situation does not justify such behavior.

Seeking extremism

People with borderline personality disorder may have extremist views on many things, including politics, religion, and moral codes. They may also have a tendency to take extreme actions and act spontaneously, which can harm themselves and others.

Relationship problems

People with borderline personality disorder often experience difficulties in interpersonal relationships. They may have fears and paranoid thoughts about other people. They may also suffer from attachment and wanting to be around someone all the time for fear of being alone.

Emotional instability

Emotional instability is a common symptom of borderline personality disorder. This is expressed in a quick change of mood from anger, to joy, to sadness and back. It can also manifest itself in uncontrollable displays of anger, sadness and irritation, which may not be appropriate for the situation.

Self-harming and suicidal tendencies

People with borderline personality disorder may have suicidal and self-harming tendencies. This can manifest itself in cutting, cutting, tipping out of windows, and other actions that can harm oneself.

Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment: Opportunities and Limitations

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness that can lead to serious disruption in a person’s life. The treatment of this disorder is a long and difficult process and requires a combined approach.

In addition, drug therapy may be used to improve mood and reduce symptoms of borderline personality disorder such as anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbances. However, it is important to understand that drugs are not a panacea and should only be used under medical supervision.

While treatment for borderline personality disorder can be successful, it also has its limitations. For example, the success of treatment depends on the degree of willingness of the patient to treatment and change their behavior.

1. Communication with a specialist
2. Psychotherapy
3. Drug therapy

Thus, the treatment of borderline personality disorder requires an integrated approach and individual selection of methods. Despite limitations, the right treatment methods can help the patient regain control of their lives and become more socially integrated.

Self-hatred: causes and consequences

Self-hatred is a strong negative attitude towards one’s own personality and life. In most cases, it occurs against the background of psychological trauma and negative memories from the past. A person who feels self-hatred does not believe in his strengths and abilities, cannot accept himself as he is, and is often prone to depression.

The causes of self-hatred can be various, including inferiority, low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with one’s life, imperfection of one’s appearance, and many others. Self-hatred can lead to serious psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, social phobia, eating disorders, drug addiction, and even suicidal tendencies.

• Consequences of self-hatred:
  • Reduced quality of life and self-esteem;
  • Experience of constant emotional overload and depression;
  • Reluctance to communicate with other people and social isolation;
  • Development of various psychological disorders such as social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression;
  • Suppression of the immune system and the development of serious physical diseases;
  • Suicidal tendencies and suicide attempts.

Self-hatred is a serious problem that needs to be solved with the help of professional psychological support and support of loved ones. Awareness of one’s uniqueness and value, the search for practical methods to maintain a healthy lifestyle and improve one’s well-being helps to overcome this problem and establish harmonious relationships with one’s own personality and life in general.

Managing Negative Emotions: Practical Tips

1. Work on your internal dialogue.

Despite the fact that we often do not pay attention to it, our internal dialogue can have a great influence on our emotions and behavior. If you find yourself saying something negative or critical to yourself, try replacing that thought with something more constructive and positive.

2. Find ways to regularly express your emotions.

Managing the emotions experienced can be difficult, especially in the case of negative emotions. Find ways to regularly express your emotions, such as through journaling or conversations with loved ones, to avoid buildup and interruptions in emotional well-being.

3. Help yourself.

If you are experiencing negative emotions, do not hesitate to ask professionals for help, and also engage in self-help. To do this, you can use various techniques, such as meditation, yoga, or mindfulness exercises.

4. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Many people who suffer from self-hatred tend to forget to take care of themselves. Remember that satisfying your needs is an important aspect of managing your emotions and behavior. Find ways to regularly do things you love, make time for your body and mind, and get enough rest and sleep.

5. Contact support.

Nobody can do everything on their own. If you’re having trouble managing negative emotions and self-loathing, don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, loved ones, or professionals for support.

Self-help for borderline personality disorder: things you can do on your own

Strategies to help control emotions

Borderline personality disorder can lead to severe mood swings and uncontrollable emotions. To deal with this, the following strategies can be used:

• Mindfulness: Try to learn to live in the present moment, not dwelling on the past or the future. Practice meditation or yoga regularly.
• Diary: Keeping a diary will help you understand what emotions and situations trigger your strongest reaction. This will allow you to better understand yourself and control your emotions.
• Breathing exercises: deep and slow breathing cycle helps to relax and reduce stress levels.

Developing healthy relationships

Borderline personality disorder often causes problems in relationships with other people. The following techniques can be used to develop healthy relationships:

• Know their limits: Borderlines often fear rejection and worry about what other people think of them. Learn about other people’s boundaries to make sure you don’t cross them.
• Practice communication: Develop communication skills to better understand others and express your thoughts and feelings. Explain how you feel and need in this situation so that your relationship is deeper and more sincere.

Life style

There are many factors that can make borderline personality disorder worse. To live a better life and cope with frustration, you should pay attention to the following aspects of life:

• Sleep: Get enough sleep and try to maintain a regular daily routine.
• Nutrition: A balanced diet can reduce stress levels and improve overall health.
• Active lifestyle: Regular physical activity can improve well-being and reduce stress levels.

Where to find specialized help for borderline personality disorder

Psychological centers and clinics

One of the most common ways to get help for borderline personality disorder is to go to a psychology center or clinic. It employs specialists with knowledge and experience in the field of borderline personality disorders. They can offer both individual and group psychotherapy to improve quality of life and maintain emotional stability.

Online Resources

There are many sites, forums and groups on the Internet today where people with borderline personality disorder can find support. Such resources often provide information about the possibilities of obtaining psychological help and allow for the exchange of experience with those who suffer from a similar disorder.

Helpline

In some cities there are helpline services where you can get qualified help by phone. These services usually operate around the clock and provide advice on a variety of issues, including borderline personality disorders.

Social services

In many countries there are government and non-profit organizations that provide social services for people with mental disorders. Such services may include both medical treatment and psychotherapy and help with everyday tasks.

The role of loved ones and friends in the life of a person with borderline personality disorder

People with borderline personality disorder often experience emotional and behavioral problems. They often fear being alone and feel an acute fear of rejection, which can lead to increased symptoms of depression and aggression.

Family and friends can play an important role in supporting people with borderline personality disorder. They can communicate with them, provide emotional support and help when needed.

A supportive environment can also help a person with borderline personality disorder develop emotion regulation skills and improve overall quality of life. Special attention should be paid to interaction with the outside world. For example, a person suffering from borderline personality disorder may perceive the people and situations around them through the lens of their fears and concerns, which can lead to a distorted perception.

Communication and support from loved ones and friends, as well as having a supportive environment, can help people with borderline personality disorder cope with problems and improve their quality of life.

How to Manage Your Work Condition with Borderline Personality Disorder

Creating a healthy work environment when you have borderline personality disorder can be difficult, but possible. Borderline personality disorder is typically characterized by low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, rapid mood swings, and difficulty in establishing and maintaining long-term and healthy relationships. This can affect work and relationships with colleagues, so it is important to learn how to manage your condition at work.

Before starting work, try to relax and focus on your goals. This may include meditation, immersion in music, or just breathing exercises. It is also important to develop your skills in managing your emotions in order not to lose self-control in conflict situations.

Organization of the workplace can also help you manage your condition at work. Create a cozy and comfortable work area in which you will feel calm and protected. Taking regular breaks and exercising can help you relax and deal with stress at work.

Finally, communication with colleagues can play an important role in managing one’s condition at work. Try to develop healthy relationships with colleagues and learn to accept criticism constructively. Be open and ready for dialogue to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.

• Focus on your goals
• Manage your emotions
• Organize your work area colleagues

Relationships and BPD: Finding Balance in Love Relationships

BPD in Relationships

People with BPD often fear closeness and intimacy, which can lead to feelings of vulnerability and loss of control. In a relationship, they may experience strong emotional swings, be afraid to leave or be abandoned, and show distrust of a partner. Often they seek confirmation of their worth and love, but do not believe in them if they receive them.

How to find balance in relationships

There are several ways for people with BPD to find balance in love relationships:

• Learn to understand and control your emotions;
• Develop communication skills to better understand your partners and express your feelings and needs;
• Work with your response to closeness and intimacy, such as learning to trust your partner, not being afraid of vulnerability, and not thinking about losing control;
• Regularly engage in self-development and develop your personality, and not try to find confirmation of your value in love relationships.

Conclusion

People with borderline personality disorder may experience difficulties in love relationships, but with the right attitude and self-care, they can find balance and enjoy a fulfilling relationship with their partner.

Road to recovery: how long does it take to recover from borderline personality disorder

People with borderline personality disorder often wonder how long it will take them to recover. The answer to this question depends on many factors, including the severity and duration of the disorder, the availability of treatment, and the individual’s personality.

There is no fixed time for recovery. Treatment for borderline personality disorder is a lengthy process, and some people may need it for many years. However, with the help of a qualified psychotherapist and supportive therapy, many people improve over time and have a better life.

Treatment for borderline personality disorder may include a multi-stage program that includes awareness of one’s emotions and behaviors, professional help in managing one’s emotions and relationships, medication if needed, and surrounding the person with supportive people.

• Some people may improve after just a few months of regular therapy.
• Others may need years of regular therapy to achieve significant results.
• Some people may never fully recover but can still learn to manage their condition and live more fulfilling lives.

Ultimately, how long it takes to get out of borderline personality disorder depends on many factors, but it’s important to remember that healing is a process, and each step moves us forward towards health and well-being.

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Q&A:

What is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder characterized by instability in mood, relationships and self-esteem. People with BPD often experience a fear of being alone, have misconceptions about themselves and others, are prone to emotional instability, and have heightened sensitivity and a strong sense of injustice.

How to deal with self-loathing?

Self-hatred is a feeling characterized by low self-esteem and negative thoughts about oneself. To overcome self-loathing, you need to establish a positive internal dialogue, bring yourself into balance, identify your strengths and work on your weaknesses without comparing yourself to others.

How does borderline personality disorder manifest itself in relationships?

People with BPD often experience fear of losing a loved one, often abandon relationships, and are afraid to be alone. They are prone to emotional instability, can be aggressive or vice versa, depressed, due to misconceptions about themselves and others.

How is borderline personality disorder treated?

The treatment of borderline personality disorder requires a comprehensive approach, including psychoanalytic psychotherapy, pharmacological therapy, group therapy, etc.