How can you address the issue of your husband being overly attached to his mother. What are effective strategies for improving your relationship with your mother-in-law. How do you establish healthy boundaries in a marriage affected by parental influence.

Understanding Mama’s Boy Syndrome: Recognizing the Signs

The phenomenon of grown men remaining excessively attached to their mothers, often referred to as “mama’s boy syndrome,” can create significant challenges in romantic relationships and marriages. Recognizing the signs early on is crucial for addressing the issue effectively.

Some common indicators of an overly attached husband include:

• Constantly seeking his mother’s approval for decisions
• Prioritizing his mother’s opinions over his wife’s
• Difficulty setting boundaries with his mother
• Allowing his mother to interfere in marital matters
• Emotional dependence on his mother

Understanding these dynamics is the first step in navigating this complex family situation. It’s important to approach the issue with empathy and patience, recognizing that your husband’s relationship with his mother has been shaped over many years.

The Impact of Maternal Overattachment on Marital Relationships

When a husband remains overly attached to his mother, it can significantly strain the marital relationship. This situation often leads to feelings of frustration, resentment, and emotional distance between spouses.

Some potential consequences include:

• Lack of privacy and independence in the marriage
• Difficulty in making joint decisions as a couple
• Emotional triangulation between husband, wife, and mother-in-law
• Reduced intimacy and connection between spouses
• Conflicts over family priorities and time management

Addressing these issues requires open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to work together as a team. It’s crucial to approach the situation without assigning blame, focusing instead on finding constructive solutions.

Effective Communication Strategies: Talking to Your Husband About His Mother

Initiating a conversation about your husband’s relationship with his mother can be challenging, but it’s essential for addressing the issue. Here are some effective strategies for approaching this sensitive topic:

1. Choose the right time and place for the discussion
2. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming
3. Focus on specific behaviors and their impact on your relationship
4. Listen actively to your husband’s perspective
5. Avoid criticizing his mother directly
6. Propose solutions and compromises

Remember, the goal is not to sever your husband’s relationship with his mother but to establish healthy boundaries that benefit your marriage.

Example Conversation Starters

“I feel [emotion] when [specific situation occurs]. Can we talk about how we might handle this differently?”

“I love that you have a close relationship with your mother, but I sometimes feel [emotion] when [specific behavior happens]. How can we work together to find a balance?”

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Balancing Family Relationships

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance between your marriage and extended family relationships. This process involves both partners working together to define and enforce limits.

Key steps in setting boundaries include:

• Identifying areas where boundaries are needed
• Discussing and agreeing on appropriate limits as a couple
• Communicating boundaries clearly to family members
• Consistently enforcing agreed-upon boundaries
• Reevaluating and adjusting boundaries as needed

It’s important to approach boundary-setting as a team, presenting a united front to family members. This demonstrates mutual respect and solidarity in your marriage.

Strengthening Your Marital Bond: Building a Strong Partnership

Addressing issues related to maternal overattachment provides an opportunity to strengthen your marital relationship. By working together to navigate this challenge, you can build a stronger, more resilient partnership.

Consider these strategies for enhancing your marital bond:

1. Prioritize quality time together as a couple
2. Develop shared goals and aspirations
3. Practice active listening and empathy
4. Support each other’s individual growth and independence
5. Seek professional counseling if needed

Remember that building a strong marriage is an ongoing process that requires effort, commitment, and mutual support from both partners.

Cultivating a Positive Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law

While addressing issues of overattachment, it’s important to maintain a respectful and positive relationship with your mother-in-law. This can help reduce tension and create a more harmonious family dynamic.

Strategies for improving your relationship with your mother-in-law include:

• Finding common interests or activities to share
• Expressing appreciation for her positive contributions
• Setting clear but respectful boundaries
• Avoiding competition or comparison
• Encouraging a healthy relationship between her and your children (if applicable)

Building a positive relationship with your mother-in-law can create a more supportive family environment for everyone involved.

When to Seek Professional Help: Recognizing the Need for Counseling

In some cases, addressing issues of maternal overattachment may require professional intervention. Recognizing when to seek help is crucial for resolving persistent problems and improving your marital relationship.

Consider seeking counseling if:

• Communication attempts consistently lead to conflict
• Your husband is unwilling to acknowledge or address the issue
• The situation is causing significant distress or affecting your mental health
• You’re unable to establish or maintain healthy boundaries
• The issue is impacting other areas of your life (e.g., work, friendships)

A qualified therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance, tools, and strategies for navigating this complex family dynamic.

Empowering Your Husband: Supporting His Independence and Growth

Encouraging your husband’s personal growth and independence can be a powerful way to address issues of maternal overattachment. By supporting his development as an individual and as a partner, you can help him establish a healthier balance in his relationships.

Strategies for empowering your husband include:

1. Encouraging him to pursue his own interests and hobbies
2. Supporting his career goals and aspirations
3. Praising his independent decision-making
4. Fostering his confidence in handling responsibilities
5. Encouraging him to develop and maintain friendships outside the family

As your husband becomes more confident and self-reliant, he may naturally begin to establish healthier boundaries with his mother.

Recognizing Progress and Celebrating Small Wins

It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate the progress your husband makes in establishing healthier boundaries. This positive reinforcement can encourage continued growth and change.

Examples of progress to recognize might include:

• Making decisions without consulting his mother
• Standing up for you or your relationship when necessary
• Initiating boundaries or limits with his mother
• Prioritizing your needs or opinions over his mother’s

Celebrating these achievements, no matter how small, can help reinforce positive changes and strengthen your bond as a couple.

Navigating Family Traditions and Expectations

Family traditions and cultural expectations can often complicate issues of maternal overattachment. It’s important to approach these sensitive topics with respect and understanding while still advocating for your needs as a couple.

Consider these strategies for navigating family traditions:

• Discuss which traditions are important to maintain and which can be adapted
• Create new traditions as a couple or immediate family
• Find compromises that respect both families’ expectations
• Communicate clearly about your choices with extended family members
• Be willing to respectfully decline participation in traditions that don’t align with your values or needs

Remember that it’s okay to create your own unique family culture that blends elements from both of your backgrounds while prioritizing your relationship as a couple.

Addressing Financial Entanglement: Establishing Financial Independence

Financial entanglement between your husband and his mother can be a significant source of conflict in marriages. Addressing this issue is crucial for establishing true independence as a couple.

Steps to achieve financial independence include:

1. Reviewing all shared financial arrangements with in-laws
2. Creating a budget that prioritizes your household’s needs
3. Closing joint accounts or credit cards shared with parents
4. Discussing and agreeing on financial boundaries as a couple
5. Seeking professional financial advice if needed

Establishing financial independence can be a powerful step in detaching your husband from an overly dependent relationship with his mother.

Handling Financial Gifts and Support

If your in-laws provide financial support or gifts, it’s important to establish clear guidelines and expectations. This can help prevent feelings of obligation or control associated with financial assistance.

Consider these approaches:

• Discuss and agree on how to handle financial gifts as a couple
• Set limits on the amount or frequency of financial assistance
• Establish clear terms for any loans or ongoing support
• Express gratitude while maintaining boundaries
• Work towards financial self-sufficiency as a long-term goal

Remember that financial independence is an important aspect of overall independence in your marriage.

Nurturing Your Own Support System: Building a Network Beyond Family

While working to address issues of maternal overattachment, it’s crucial to nurture your own support system. Having a strong network of friends and confidants can provide emotional support and perspective during challenging times.

Ways to build and maintain your support system:

• Cultivate friendships outside of your marriage and family
• Join clubs or groups related to your interests
• Maintain connections with your own family members
• Consider individual therapy or counseling for personal growth
• Participate in online communities or support groups

A robust support system can provide you with the strength and resilience needed to navigate complex family dynamics.

Developing Coping Strategies: Managing Stress and Emotional Well-being

Dealing with issues of maternal overattachment can be emotionally draining. Developing effective coping strategies is essential for maintaining your mental health and well-being throughout this process.

Consider incorporating these coping mechanisms:

1. Practice mindfulness or meditation
2. Engage in regular physical exercise
3. Maintain a journal to process your thoughts and feelings
4. Pursue hobbies or creative outlets
5. Set aside time for self-care and relaxation

Remember that taking care of your own emotional needs is not selfish; it’s necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship and effectively addressing family issues.

Recognizing and Addressing Burnout

Dealing with persistent family issues can lead to burnout. It’s important to recognize the signs of emotional exhaustion and take steps to address them.

Signs of burnout may include:

• Feeling constantly tired or drained
• Increased irritability or mood swings
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Physical symptoms like headaches or muscle tension
• Loss of motivation or enjoyment in activities

If you’re experiencing symptoms of burnout, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care and consider seeking professional support.

Planning for the Future: Long-term Strategies for Family Harmony

Addressing issues of maternal overattachment is an ongoing process that requires long-term planning and commitment. Developing strategies for maintaining family harmony in the future is essential for the health of your marriage and extended family relationships.

Consider these long-term strategies:

• Regularly review and adjust boundaries as needed
• Plan for major life events (e.g., having children, caring for aging parents)
• Discuss expectations for holidays and family gatherings in advance
• Continue to prioritize your marriage through regular date nights and quality time
• Seek ongoing counseling or support as needed

By taking a proactive approach to family dynamics, you can create a more harmonious and balanced family life for years to come.

Preparing for Potential Challenges

Anticipating potential challenges can help you and your husband be better prepared to handle them when they arise. Some situations to consider and plan for might include:

1. The birth of children and differing parenting styles
2. Caring for aging parents or in-laws
3. Major life transitions (e.g., career changes, relocations)
4. Financial changes or challenges
5. Health issues affecting family members

Discussing these potential scenarios and developing shared strategies can strengthen your partnership and improve your ability to navigate complex family dynamics.

How To Talk To Your Husband When The Other Woman Is His Mother

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How to talk to your husband about his mother? This could be actually trickier than talking to your boss about your pending promotion. But it could be like talking to a guy you are crushing on who already has a girlfriend, but telling him that you love him more. You are actually working on winning your husband from his mother. Do you realise that?

Recently one of my close friends was caught in a peculiar problem. She had found this perfect partner in a seemingly cool guy and things were looking great for the two. Until she met his mother. Her lover literally idolised his mother. He would ‘only’ do things she would tell her and obey her to a ‘T’. No prizes for guessing what happened next. My friend had to move on.

Related Reading: 12 Ways To Deal With A Jealous Mother-In-Law

It’s common belief that men who treat their mothers with warmth and affection will also treat their woman with love. That is also the reason why women usually fall for such men who appear to be sensitive and caring at the onset. But what happens when the hand that rocked your man’s cradle is also the hand that rules his life? When the husband is attached to his mother it does get really difficult for the wife.

How many wives have faced situations like this and spent sleepless nights thinking how to detach husband from his mother?

How many of you have heard horror stories like this:

• The mother-in-law turns up at the son’s wedding in a white lace dress like the bride
• She brings along son’s ex girlfriend to the wedding
• She insists every weekend is spent at her place since she is getting old and needs looking after
• She takes up your guest bedroom most of the time because she has a knee pain or a back pain
• When the mother-in-law is over all she can do is interfere in the workings in your household

We know of daughters-in-law who could actually end of murdering their moms-in-law and they keep plotting and conniving as to how to detach the husband from his mother.

While that is not an easy thing to do, we can always tell you how to talk to your husband about his mother.

It is tough to have a husband who is constantly under his mother’s influence. Here’s what you can do if your man is unwilling to let go his mother’s helicopter techniques.

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If you are dating someone who has a strong mother then chances are you will get a whiff of how your marriage would look like after you tie the knot. Some men do not even realise that they are being “Mamma’s boys” because it comes so naturally to them.

For every small decision they go running to their moms who decide their life for them. But you might not be okay with this arrangement. It’s annoying when you think: “My mother-in-law behaves like she is married to my husband.” Or, “My husband gives more importance to my mother than me.”

Here’s how you should talk to your husband about his mother.

Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways To Deal With A Manipulative, Scheming Mother-In-Law

1. Tell him how you feel

As tricky as this may sound, talking to your guy about your discomfort is a good place to start. Without blaming anyone, make him understand how his momma’s behaviour is not helping your relationship. Focus more on your bond and the friction therein. Stay positive throughout the conversation.

Chances are your husband does not realise he is influenced by his mother because that is a way of life he is used to. He is used to his mother mollycoddling him and taking his decisions for him. So what shirt he should wear to the office party is always her decision and he happily accepts it.

She always shops for him and he wears whatever she buys. He’s never had his own choice. When you buy him a shirt his mother criticizes it.

Tell him he is an adult who should have the small freedom of choosing his own clothes perhaps. Make it clear to him that you do not take kindly to his mother’s interference in small things like this.

2. Do not let her put you down

Talk to husband about his mother

Your husband might be deeply attached to his mother or is completely influenced by her but do not ever let her put you down. Your guy’s mom needs to know that she simply cannot disrespect you.

Stand up for yourself. Do not let her words and actions upset you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and views but how they express them is equally important. If she is being hurtful, don’t hesitate to sit her down and tell her how her negativity is bothering you.

Mom-in-law or to be moms-in-law have a tendency to compare themselves with their daughters-in-law and have this uncanny way of always showing how they are better than them.

So there will be inevitable situations where she would try to put you down verbally with her snide comments. Tell her clearly that every woman has her own place in a man’s life.

So like you can never take her place she could not take the wife’s place and subtly warn her that if she disrespected you in front of relatives she wouldn’t like it if you hit back publicly.

Read more: My mother-in-law rejected me, but that’s not my loss

3. Keep your quarrels between you

What happens in your relationship must stay in your relationship. Very often couples let family members in, on their personal arguments and disagreements. If your husband defends his mother over you ensure he doesn’t do it in front of her. She would be all to happy to score the brownie points.

It is important to set boundaries within the family. Make extra efforts to maintain privacy in matters that strictly concern only you and your partner. Do not encourage your partners’ deference to his mother in such cases.

Men have a tendency to sulk and at the dinner table if the mom asks him why he is sulking he could spill the beans. Then his mom could create a mountain out of a mole hill. From day one ensure that he never talks about your tiffs and fights to his mother no matter how attached he is to her.

4. Remind your spouse that you are his ‘go-to’ person

If you are thinking of how to talk to your husband about his mother then just make it very clear that he might be used to seeking his mother’s advice and input on everything but now that he has you, the equation must change.

He is married to you and any decision that he takes will affect both of you. Let him know that it is your input he should want and explain how this will benefit the relationship in the long-run.

So if he is planning on a job change, an important investment or buying an apartment you should be the one to know first. He shouldn’t be rushing to his mother to get all the advice in the world.

You now share a life together and the decisions should be taken by both of you together. It’s unfair to expect your husband’s mother will have a say in that.

Related Reading: My Mother-In-Law Denied Me A Wardrobe And This Is How I Gave It Back To Her

5. Keep calm at all times

Maintain your dignity in front of your husband and mother-in-law

I know this is easier said than done, but trust me this is the greatest favour you can do to yourself. Stop getting affected by her and her remarks.

Dealing with a husband who is under the influence of his mother is a tough job. Yes we know. But if you get involved in tiffs and fights with his mother it will not help matters at all. How to talk to your husband about his mother? Stay calm and unaffected it will not only make you feel lighter; it will also give you an upper hand at dealing with her interference in your life.

The key is to maintain your cool. If your husband sees that you are the one who is maintaining the dignity then you might be on the path of success of detaching your husband from your mother-in-law.

Read more: 15 signs your mother-in-law hates you

6.

If he still runs back to his mom, then pack your bags and leave

Now don’t get us wrong, we are all for love and respect for one’s mother, but anything in excess is a recipe for trouble. As children it’s adorable and cute to be daddy’s little girl and mama’s baby boy or being the pampered single child.

It can get really harrowing for a wife to see her husband always acting under the influence of his mother.

But as grownups it just has an opposite effect. It can get really harrowing for a wife to see her husband always acting under the influence of his mother. So you should try to talk to your husband about his mother. If you are not successful just let him know that he can’t always choose his family over you. 

You don’t really need to put up with the situation if you feel that the mother is looking for superiority and control in the relationship. In order to try to work things out we have discussed the ways (above) but if things still don’t fall in place then just call it quits.

By the way if you have a small devil lurking inside you, you might be asking, “How to turn my husband against his mother?” That’s a hard job if you are a simple, straightforward person. But in case you are a tough nut of a daughter-in-law who know how to play the MIL-DIL game well too. We have said enough we guess, for the rest just pick up the hints.

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Tags: Disrespect, For Women, Handy Tips, Husband, In Laws, Marriage Problems, mother-in-law, On Boundaries

How to Detach Husband From His Mother! (10 Tips & Steps)

Are you trying to figure out how to detach your husband from his mother?

If your husband is a ‘mommy’s boy’ or still hanging off his mother’s apron strings and not thinking for himself – it’s going to harm your marriage.

Having a healthy relationship with his mother is fine, you don’t want him to cut off all ties.

But it’s about finding that healthy balance where his mother is there for him but he’s able to think for himself!

1. Make Him See how She’s Affecting the Relationship

The first step is to make your husband see how his mother’s influence is negatively affecting your relationship.

This can be done by calmly and rationally talking to him about it, or by showing him through your actions that you’re unhappy.

Make sure not to attack his character or accuse him of anything, as this will only make him defensive, and absolutely never blame his mom.

If he can see how much of an impact his reliance on his mother is having on you and the relationship it should at least spark something inside of him.

Related – 10 ways mothers-in-law ruin marriages and split couples up.

2. Set Some Healthy Boundaries with Your Mother-In-Law

If your husband is still close with his mother it’s important to set some healthy boundaries, so that she doesn’t start to think she can control your relationship too.

A good way to do this is by setting boundaries with how much she can be involved in your life, such as not coming over unannounced or always being invited to events.

It’s also important to have some time for just you and your husband, without his mother.

Don’t try to put a wedge in between your husband and his mom and that might have the opposite effect, just start with boundaries that make you happier.

3. Don’t Give Him an Ultimatum

While it’s important to make your feelings known, giving your husband an ultimatum is only going to make things worse.

Remember, there is a strong emotional bond with his mother and he might end up choosing her if he’s really under her influence!

Avoid saying things like “It’s either her or me” as this will make him feel like he has to choose, and no one wants to be put in that position.

Instead, try to work on things together and find a compromise that works for both of you.

4. Don’t Try and Compete with His Mother

Trying to compete with his mother is only going to make things worse and put even more of a strain on your relationship.

It’s important to accept that she’s probably always going to be a big part of his life, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing once she knows her boundaries.

The best thing you can do is build a strong relationship with her yourself, and try to be the best wife you can be.

Over time you’ll get your husband to see that he needs to make better decisions for you and your relationship.

5. Talk with Your Mother-In-Law About It

If you have a good enough relationship with your mother-in-law where you’re able to talk openly with her, then it’s worth talking to her about the situation.

She might not even be aware of how much her influence is affecting your relationship, and a talk might be all that’s needed to get her to back off a bit.

It’s important to be respectful and not try to attack her character. Instead, focus on how her actions are negatively impacting your relationship.

6. Tell Him to Speak with His Mother About It

If you’re not able to talk with your mother-in-law about the situation, then you can try and get your husband to speak with her instead.

Also, he might be more successful in getting her to back off if he’s the one who talks to her about it.

Again, it’s a difficult conversation to have and she may feel like she’s been attacked or pushed out of your relationship, and that’s the last thing you want.

But you have to find a way to make her see how her grip over your husband is impacting your relationship or things just aren’t going to improve.

7. Encourage Him to Be More Independent

One of the best things you can do is encourage your husband to be more independent and make his own decisions, without always deferring to his mother.

This is easier said than done, but it’s important to try and make him see that he’s an adult and capable of making his own decisions.

She’s always going to be his mother, but he’s also your husband who is an adult and should be making decisions for himself and his family without needing his mom.

If he can find his independence I’m sure he’ll enjoy the liberating feeling and naturally pull away from his mother.

8. Take It One Step at A Time

I’m sure you feel anxious and in a hurry to try and detach your husband from his mother a little, but it’s going to take time.

Your husband and his mother have one of the strongest bonds there is, and it’s not going to be easy to break that.

You need to take things one step at a time and focus on making small changes that will have a big impact over time.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is detaching your husband from his mother!

9. Ask Him to Seek Professional Help with You

If you really feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, then it might be time to ask your husband to seek professional help with you.

It could be that he’s facing some sort of emotional issue that he’s not even aware of, and professional help can get to the root of the problem.

It’s a big step to take, but if you’re both committed to working on your relationship then it could be the best thing you ever do.

Related – Tips for setting boundaries with your mothers-in-law and other ex in-laws!

10. Accept that He Might Never Take a Big Enough Step Back

You need to accept that your husband might never take a big enough step back from his mother in your eyes, and that’s OK.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not a good wife or that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that the bond with his mother is too strong.

You can still have a happy and healthy relationship, even if he’s still a little too close to his mother for your liking!

As long as you’ve managed to bring all of your concerns to his attention and you can see he’s trying to make some changes to be a more attentive husband, this is a great start!

Image credits – Photo by Samia Liamani on Unsplash

Phil Ashton

Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.

We learn how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law: advice from a psychologist. The mother-in-law sets her husband against me: what is the reason?

Harmonious relationship between spouses is an incredibly hard work, in which both partners take part. But what to do if a “third wheel” – the husband’s mother – constantly gets into the relationship? So many women face the same problem: the husband listens to the advice of his mother-in-law, and she, in turn, constantly manipulates her son, intervenes in quarrels and conflicts that occur in the family, and often sets her own child against her daughter-in-law. The problem of how to ward off the mother-in-law is truly global. Very often, conflicts with the husband’s mother become the cause of discord in relationships and even divorce. Even if you are well acquainted with psychology, apply all existing methods of diplomacy, this does not mean at all that you will be able to influence your own mother-in-law. The fact is that there are such types of people who are initially tuned to the negative. Any attempts to establish peaceful relations with such a person will not lead to anything. So how do you get along with your mother-in-law, or how to ward off your husband from your mother-in-law? Let’s talk about it right now!

Discord in the family: possible causes, ways to improve relationships,…

Psychological background

When getting married, every girl expects that she and her husband will have a friendly and strong family. Unfortunately, sometimes these dreams remain only dreams. Nervousness and serious discord in the relationship brings the mother-in-law. Why does the mother-in-law not love the daughter-in-law? Psychology gives the answer: the fact is that many mothers cannot come to terms with the idea that their adored boy has grown up, out of parental control and guardianship. The mother continues to control every step of her son, regularly comes to his house with checks, can call dozens of times a day, demand an every minute report. Of course, this will annoy the wife.

A man’s excessive attachment to his mother also plays a special role in this. You won’t be able to get rid of this problem overnight. The fact is that the dependence of these two people on each other has been formed over the years. Maternal overprotection can have many secret intentions and reasons. When deciding how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law, you will have to fight not with the character of this woman, but with those images and attachments that have long entered the subconscious of the husband and his mother. The fact is that if your spouse had a desire to get rid of an overly annoying mother, he would have done it long ago. Your main task is to awaken this desire in him.

Learn how to get along with the mother-in-law: simple rules

Two housewives in the same kitchen

The situation is aggravated when the spouses live in the mother-in-law’s house. One woman sooner or later will have a desire to take the reins of government. If the daughter-in-law lives on the territory of her mother-in-law, she will have a very hard time, especially when it is her husband’s childhood home, where she is a stranger, albeit a beloved one. Of course, it is very difficult to find some kind of universal recipe that makes life easier, but there are a number of rules, following which you can solve the problem of how to keep your husband away from your mother-in-law forever!

Non-aggression pact

Many women ask themselves: “What should I do if my mother-in-law lives with us and turns her husband against me”? Psychologists say: when you are trying to remake everything in your own way in the house of your husband’s mother, first of all try to think about whether you would like such a situation when someone is in charge of your kitchen? You can deduce the first rule: in no case do not make rationalization proposals for organizing the life of your mother-in-law. You can either remain silent or admire this woman as a hostess. In no case do not complain to the husband’s mother about the behavior of the second half. In her eyes, you should always be satisfied with your own husband. The fact is that she can both listen to you and sympathize, but she will always be on the side of her child. Do not let the mother-in-law drag you into conflicts and showdown! Remember, in such a dispute, truth is not born, you can only find a negative attitude towards each other. Please note: in no case should this look like your defeat or weakness of character! Just try to switch the attention of the mother-in-law to completely extraneous things during disputes.

Lapel from her husband: techniques and possible consequences

No ultimatums

Of course, one can understand the dissatisfaction and irritation of the daughter-in-law because the mother-in-law constantly turns her husband against her. However, it is necessary to refrain from scandals and quarrels, and even more so from ultimatums like “Choose: either I or she. ” Do not forget that it will be difficult for your spouse to make a decision, because he literally finds himself between two fires. In no case do not interfere with his meetings with his mother, thereby you can only worsen an already difficult situation. In this case, in the eyes of your spouse, his relatives and friends, you will appear as a selfish, insensitive and jealous woman. And believe me, in order to convince everyone around you of this, your mother-in-law will spare neither time nor effort.

Out of sight, out of mind

The surest way to get rid of your monster mother-in-law is to go somewhere else! In the event that after the wedding you intend to live or already live with this woman under the same roof, there will be absolutely no point in further actions. You won’t drive your husband away from your mother-in-law, but she may well do something similar. That is why move: no matter where – to the other end of the city, to another region, and even better to the other end of the country. So you will have to see your mother-in-law much less often. It is the condition of territorial remoteness, according to psychologists, that makes it possible to solve the question of how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law. In your soulmate, sprouts of independence and psychological independence from your own mother will hatch. You will only have to direct events in the direction you need.

The reverse side of the medal

True, this method may have several disadvantages. For example, it may turn out that your spouse is completely unable to make decisions, for an extended period of time you will have to guide him, babysit him and endure his whims. It is you who will have to replace his mother for some time in all spheres of life. Psychologists recommend creating your own rules for your husband instead of the mother’s, which have been lost. Of course, at first you will have to make decisions alone, giving your husband only instructions. Of course, this is not the best option, but the spouse will be entirely yours.

It is possible that your chosen one wanted to run away from his mother for a long time, but was worried that he would lose a number of household amenities. Only by getting rid of the maternal yoke, he will be able to understand the superiority of independent living. In the event that the annoying mother continues to bother, and your husband follows her lead, try to play a show: provoke a situation where the interests of your soulmate and his mother collide, as they say, “head to head”. For example, if your spouse is going to a football match and has already bought tickets, try to arrange with your mother-in-law to visit her on the same day, promise her that your husband and her son will take her to the dacha or to the clinic that day. Is it possible to refuse your own mother? Such a moment, according to psychologists, will allow you to turn the tide of hostilities with a bad mother-in-law in your direction and drive her away from your family.

Night cuckoo

What to do if mother-in-law interferes with life? Experts in the field of family relations say: putting a husband before a choice between himself and his own mother is the greatest stupidity. Life between two fires will certainly end in scandals and even depression. You will not be able to permanently excommunicate your husband from his own person, because any child always worries about his parents. Experts recommend prioritizing in bed. Yes, you understood everything correctly: for some time you will have to manipulate your husband through love pleasures. The word “wife” should be associated with passionate nights, and your name should be the key to erotic memories. After that, you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist – how to ward off your husband from your mother-in-law. The monologues of the husband’s mother with a negative connotation in your direction will fly in one ear and fly out the other!

Open dialogue

As long as the presence of the mother-in-law is felt in your life literally at every turn, try to talk frankly with your spouse. Explain the situation to him. This should be done in the most calm tone, the emphasis in such a conversation should be on the fact that he is an adult man. At the same time, it is extremely important not to demonstrate a negative attitude towards his mother. Just gently hint that there are too many mothers-in-law in your personal life. The time that a husband spends on the phone or visiting her can be made much more interesting and inspiring! In no case do not swear at your mother-in-law, do not use such expressions as “Your mother got me!” From a pure principle, your husband can remember how many times he was annoyed by his “beloved” mother-in-law. This means that the conversation will end with a transition to personalities and a terrible scandal. Instead, specify that you understand that the mother is worried about her child, wants him to be well. After that, it is worth giving the main argument: explain to your husband that he is an adult and independent man, the head of the family, you should not be allowed to treat yourself like a helpless baby.

Nobody is perfect

What if the mother-in-law is a monster? Is it possible to separate her husband from her? Experts say: her own misdeeds will help you in this! In the event that the relationship with the husband’s mother does not add up, try to make your spouse very disappointed in her. The fact is that for many years he had a certain opinion about his mother. In the event that you manage to provoke a sharp deviation from the usual image, this can simply disorient your spouse. He may not accept the new image of his mother and even reject it for a long time.

Reduce communication

Women often complain: “My mother-in-law turns her husband against me.” What to do in such a situation? Reduce contacts of the spouse with his mother. You need to find plausible excuses that will allow you to do this. Of course, sometimes this is very difficult, because many mothers-in-law put pressure on pity, saying that this is the fate of all mothers: to raise a child and become unnecessary, some women begin to reproach their son for selfishness and ingratitude. How many times has your husband heard from his mother: “I gave birth to you, raised you, and now your wife comes first for you!”? Be firm. You can refer to your husband’s employment at work, his sports or something else. But in no case do not talk about the poor health of the spouse, in this situation you will never get rid of the bad mother-in-law!

A bitchy mother-in-law

The most difficult type of mother-in-law is a domineering woman who is used to having absolutely everyone obey her. Most often, such a lady has only one son, of course, she will even control the process of his breathing! It is incredibly difficult to drive your chosen one away from such a mother-in-law. In addition, she simply will not allow you to establish diplomatic relations with her. In you, she will see only a servant for her own son. At the same time, she is firmly convinced that you are not a couple for her adored child. What to do if you can’t leave such an “Armageddon in a skirt” either to another continent, or at least to the other end of the city? How to deal with a mother-in-law who sees you as an enemy? Psychologists recommend not to let this situation take its course, because the main goal of the despot mother-in-law is your divorce. The thing is that her beloved son is the basis of her existence, she has absolutely no other goals. That is why psychologists recommend trying to find a new meaning for this woman in life. To do this, you need to carefully study the interests of the husband’s mother, her dreams and plans. For example, if she has dreamed of growing crocuses and tulips all her life, and instead works, say, as a primary school teacher, give her a small greenhouse, of course, as an addition to a cozy country house. Believe me, all your expenses will pay off three times! It is extremely important to approach this process creatively and in no case deviate from the intended goal.

Acting the old fashioned way

Women who find themselves in a difficult situation with their mother-in-law cannot be envied. Very often they do not have enough strength, or imagination, or simply time to understand how to ward off a husband from his mother-in-law. In ancient times, it was customary to fight such women with the help of various lapels and conspiracies. Some of the magical rites have come down to us, after which mother and son cease to be interested in each other. Which ritual to choose? It depends on what kind of relationship develops in your family. The fact is that for each case, completely different options are suitable.

For example, a number of charms help to get rid of annoying moralizing, others are aimed at preventing the mother of your other half from interfering in your personal relationships. And sometimes young women want their mother-in-law to completely forget the way to the house. First of all, esotericists recommend performing a ritual that helps to improve relations with the mother-in-law. He stops cursing and awakens love for her daughter-in-law in the heart of her husband’s mother. In order to perform this ritual, you will need to purchase 7 candles in the temple and bake a cake with your own hands. The best time for this is a full moon or waxing moon. Around midnight, you need to place candles on the floor, you should get a circle. Exactly at 12 o’clock, you need to light candles, put a pie in the middle of the circle and stand in it yourself. After that, you need to read the following text 7 times:

Now my own mother, the one who gave birth to my beloved! So that there were no barriers between us, calm reigned and everything went smoothly! I attract the forces of goodness and love to the hearth, the envious enemy will not penetrate there! Let us get rid of anger and hatred, and get rid of hostility! I cooked a delicious cake, when you taste a sweet piece, So you will love me and call me your beloved daughter-in-law! From now on and forever you will be like a lawful mother to me! Candles will help me in the semi-darkness, a conspiracy to love, sending you! Amen!

These words can be learned or handwritten on white paper. After that, the candles should burn out completely, the cinders should be wrapped in paper on which the plot was written, then they should be buried in a place where a person’s foot does not step. And the cake will need to be eaten together with the husband’s mother. In the event that the mother-in-law interferes too actively in family affairs, while exerting a strong influence on her son, a conspiracy will help that will allow her to be driven away from home. The ceremony is quite simple, for it you should choose the time when the moon is waning. At sunrise, you need to take a handful of salt in your palm and say the following words:

Salt salt, white salt, loose salt! Help the servant of God (name) to drive away from my house, so that she lives her life, does her business, and she was not interested in mine and her husband’s and didn’t climb. Help get rid of her advice and complaints. Save from anger and hostility. Make her forget the way to our house, Yes, she stopped going to us! Amen!

You need to repeat such a plot nine times in a row, and then sprinkle salt at the threshold of the mother-in-law’s house. A month later, you need to perform the ritual again. You will see that the mother-in-law will become less interested in the affairs of her son, will find an exciting activity for herself and will stop endlessly getting into your life!

How to separate a husband from his mother? 5 tips from psychologists, consultations

Anna (26 years old)
13.12.2021

My name is Anna, I am 25, my husband is 30. We have been together for 4 years. We live together. The husband is very attached to his mother, he believes that he owes her everything and always. And she manipulates it. If he does something wrong, then she begins to put pressure on pity. I’m afraid to say something against because he immediately rears up and looks with an evil look.

But I can see that she doesn’t want to let him go, calls every day, and if she has a sad voice, then he considers himself guilty of it. She constantly says how much she misses him, but she does nothing to see him. They are, so to speak, unhappy apart. How can I let my husband know that I am his wife and not his mother?

Similar question

How to tear a husband away from his mother, and from other girls? (3 answers)

Anya, hello. You have already tried to speak, you see what the husband’s reaction is … Therefore, conversations do not bring a positive result, but only make it worse … Will his mother let him go? No, she won’t let go, because everything suits her, think from her position, and you will understand her motives. Where were your eyes when you got married … didn’t you see that he was attached to his mother? Or thought that “untie”? Most often, people do not change, at least when they themselves do not want to change …. I understand that you are not pleased to read what was written above, but in my opinion, the bitter truth is better than the sweet lie.

Now to the point. Considering what you said, your husband will not change, your mother will not change either, if you want to save your family, then you need to accept your husband as he is, with his mother, in parallel, focus on your family, ceasing to compete with his mother, so with time, there is a high probability that you will devote more time to your family, but do you have the patience? After all, this will not be resolved, conditionally, “in a couple of months” ….

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you – Success and all the best!!!

Effective personal and family counseling, Skype therapy

Related question

How to tear your husband away from friends? (1 answer)

Anna, you must have heard the theory about the relationship between M and F, about the fact that there is a “wife-mother”, “wife-partner”, “wife-daughter”. You are a wife-mother. You need to be the main woman for a man (and this is a mother! The most important woman for a man is always and at all times a mother!), control, manage (including a husband). But the problem is that the man already has a mother, and a real, biological one! And now two “mothers” are pulling him towards themselves, whose son is he! At the same time, in the depths of your soul, you want to be a “wife-daughter”, so that your husband protects you, protects, pampers, is always there, walks by the hand, gives sweets … And then some aunt shouts to him: “Vasya – go home (to me!)”! And you answered: “What?! This is my man! Vasya – home (to me!)!”.

The ending of this tale, in any case, is not very good: the peasant will run away! Or to my mother (if the feeling of guilt overcomes), or to another woman (where she will feel like a MAN, not a dog), or addiction – alcohol / games (to at least somewhere from her reality to relax).

Until this happens, you have a great chance to ask yourself the question: “WHY DO I NEED A HUSBAND?” Marriage is for a reason! It’s always a mutually beneficial contract! The benefits are different: to gain the status of a married woman, so that relatives / girlfriends do not pester, so that they bring money to the family, to give birth to children, to grow old together, etc. and so on.

What was your benefit? Just answer honestly (to yourself)! Was she justified? If you win back this “son” for yourself, then what will it mean for you? Do you have a meaning to life? Will he live for whom and who will he do? It will be only yours, only for you, only with you! But something tells me that it won’t. A man cannot take out so much happiness…

An adult does not belong to anyone. The husband is on his own. You are on your own. Everyone has their own character, view of the world, their interests, their friends, their parents, their hobbies and personal time and space. BUT for some reason you need each other! In some way your planes intersect. And at the junction of these common intersections, something new is being created, something that this world needs! This is about the fact that I alone can do everything and I feel good, and He alone can do everything and he is fine, but TOGETHER we can do more and we are better. But this is about adults!

If you still want to “adopt” someone else’s child, then get ready for war. Moms don’t usually just give up. But if you understand for yourself exactly WHY you need this, then you will have more strength to fight. Good luck to you!

Similar question

How to tear a husband from his mother’s skirt? (1 answer)

Hello Anna, you have a hard fight, but you can win. You have to become better than mom, while never saying bad things about her. Pay attention to yourself: change your image, be an excellent housewife in the kitchen, take care of yourself to be interesting to your husband. Go out for walks together more often, the child will not hurt as a new person who needs attention. Sometimes mom also needs to pay attention on your part, she is his relatives. If there is enough attention, then perhaps she will stop pulling to her side.

Similar question

How can you tear your husband away from friends? (2 answers)

Hello Anna.
You know, you can, of course, instruct your husband and his mother all sorts of “diagnoses” about “mama’s sons” and “terrible mothers-in-law”, but what’s next?

Yes, the relationship between your husband and his mother is somewhat far from the concept of “healthy”, and, based on your history, this will not change, and the mother-in-law is not interested in tearing your husband (her son) away from her. Alas.
Neither fighting, nor intrigues, nor revenge in the family are appropriate if you want happiness and prosperity. Therefore, think about how much you love your husband that you could accept him like this – with such a relationship with your mother.
One should never speak badly about mothers: we all love our mothers and will protect them. And this is normal.
Your husband’s relationship with his mother is like this for some reason. It is not your task, of course, to disassemble and “treat” them, but why not just have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband? Why not ask a loved one about his childhood, about his experiences, about the life of his mother? Do you think you are ready to speak like an adult without offense, demands and whims? Are you ready to listen, hear, understand and accept your partner, Anna?

There are three ways to change the situation: change yourself, change circumstances or attitude towards circumstances. That is, you can also “adopt” your mother-in-law, you can just get a divorce and look for a more “suitable” partner, or you can change jealousy for your mother for friendship with your mother-in-law.
Think about how you could make friends with your mother-in-law? Maybe start with a dialogue and share your feelings with her? She is also a woman, and also had relationships with men. Try to find common ground. Because you can always quarrel.
Remember the movie with Jennifer Lopez “My mother-in-law is a monster”? Review at your leisure. Suddenly you take something for yourself.
Wisdom to you, Anna. Everything will work out!

If you need consulting support, come to consultations online or in person in Kyiv.
Sincerely,

Katerina Ovchar

psychologist in Kyiv, Kyiv

Similar question

How to separate mother from son? (3 answers)

Anna, I think that the issue here is deeper: his mother is very unhappy, most likely she raised her son alone, so she simply lacks communication and attention. Look at this situation from this angle.

And one more thing, the more you compete with his mother, the more conflicts you will have.