How to fix insecurity: The request could not be satisfied
A Roadmap to Overcoming Insecurities
By Leo Babauta
There isn’t a person amongst us who doesn’t have insecurities — some are just better at dealing with them, or perhaps hiding them.
We worry what other people think about us, we worry if we’re good-looking enough, we worry that we’re not doing all that we should be, we worry that we’ll fail, we worry that people will find out we’re a fraud. We worry that we’re too fat, worry if she’ll like us, worry if he likes that other girl, worry that we’re not good enough.
And social media, with its culture of getting us to want approval with likes and retweets, with its showing off amazing bodies and amazing travels and food … it only exacerbates the problem. But you know all this.
The question is: how do we overcome these insecurities?
How do we become OK with ourselves? How do we learn to find contentment and peace?
The answer isn’t simple, but it requires one thing to start with: a willingness to face what we usually don’t want to face.
That means a bit of courage. Just in small doses, to start with, but it means a willingness to set aside all the distractions for a little bit, and just focus on what you’re struggling with.
Do you have that courage? If so, let’s start.
What gets in our way to dealing with insecurities? There are obstacles littering the path. There are old wounds that have never healed.
Some of the obstacles that get in the way:
- Past criticisms. If a parent or other relatives criticized us while we were growing up, or if we were bullied, we’ve probably internalized that. I’m lucky that my mom always seemed to accept me as I was, but my dad didn’t. He had his own insecurities, but those would manifest as criticisms of me. Those criticisms stay in my head, but have died down in recent years because of work that I’ve done (more on this below). Still, they may never completely go away.
- A negative self-image. When people criticize you over the years, you start to criticize yourself. And all this criticism, along with unfavorable comparisons of yourself to others, results in a self-image that isn’t so great. It doesn’t matter if the reality doesn’t meet this self-image … we can be competent, brilliant, and beautiful, but if we have an image of ourselves that is ugly, dumb, and a failure, we will act according to that image.
- Needing approval. When someone gives us approval, that’s great! We feel we are worthy, and beautiful. But the problem then becomes that we need more approval to keep this self-image, and we fear not getting the approval because then this great self-image will go away. We become stuck in a cycle of needing constant approval, and fearing disapproval. We read into everything that everyone says and does, in real life and on social media, in terms of approval or disapproval. This becomes a fearful cycle of need.
- Lack of trust. We learn not to trust other people to stick with us, to accept us, to see our side of things as understandable. This is trained in us over the years as people do things that we think of as abandonment or rejection. We stop trusting in the moment to turn out alright.
- Images in social media & the media. We compare ourselves to the hot people we see on Instagram or other social media. We compare ourselves with the hot people in movies, TV, magazines. These images are meant to sell us, but the way they sell us is by making us feel insecure about ourselves, and then needing whatever it is that the celebrities are selling us in order for us to be as good as them.
- Not accepting things about ourselves. In the end, the result is that we reject large parts of ourselves. We don’t like that we are overweight, or have pimples, or something about our bodies. It’s amazing, because even people you think have amazing bodies — they reject things about their bodies! We also reject parts of our inner selves, the parts that are undisciplined or uncaring or fearful or lazy. We reject the parts of ourselves that are insecure.
Those are a lot of obstacles to deal with! And that highlights why this takes courage, and why the fix isn’t simple.
But there is a way forward.
The Road to Dealing with Insecurity
Here’s the secret: The obstacles actually show us the path. The obstacles are the path.
We can embrace these obstacles and work with them. In order to do that, we need to start to develop an awareness of when our insecurities are arising. We can use them as a mindfulness bell, ringing when we are troubled by fears and mistrust, telling us, “Hey! There’s so good material to work with here.”
And that’s they key: All of our insecurities are actually an opportunity to do some good work, to learn about how we work, to develop skills that will help us for life.
So start to pay attention, and notice when you’re being driven by insecurity. And then do the following work:
- Forgive the past. If your insecurities have been shaped by a relative or authority figure criticizing you, recognize this. Then start to forgive them. Understand that they were driven by their own insecurities, struggling with their own demons. They behave imperfectly, but we all do. They weren’t right in what they did, but you can understand it nonetheless. And forgive them for their bad behavior, because holding on to resentment isn’t helping you. Let the past go, one step at a time.
- Accept all of yourself. Pause and take a self-assessment. Notice the parts of yourself, both your body and your inner self, that you don’t like. Take a look at these parts of you, and see if you can send them love. See them for the imperfect parts of you that they are, deserving of love as a friend who is imperfect also deserves love. Think about how you’d treat this imperfect friend, and be the same way toward yourself. Give yourself assurance, give yourself compassion. Embrace all the parts of you, nobbly bits and all, and see the beauty in them. They are what make you who you are, and they are wonderful.
- Practice self-approval. If you notice yourself wanting someone else’s approval, their praise and attention, their likes and retweets … pause, and instead replace that with self-approval. You can take away the power of others to approve you if you appropriate that power for yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval but your own. That doesn’t mean you don’t want connection with others, or love, but you can love others and be loved by them while also being self-approved. Accept yourself, completely, love yourself. And that’s all you need.
- Embrace non-comparison. Comparison of yourself with how others look, what they’re doing, where they’re traveling, how much fun they’re having … it’s never a useful comparison, and it actively harms you. Instead, when you see someone else, instead of comparing yourself with them, see them as apples to your oranges. Be happy that they’re having fun, be joyful for their successes. They’re on a completely different path from you, and they can be happy and have a great time and you can too, on your own path. Wish everyone well, but see their awesomeness as different from yours.
- Develop trust in the moment. Through all these practices, start to develop a trust in yourself that you’ll be OK. Develop a trust in the moment that it will unfold and all will be well. This develops over time, by making small predictions about the moment (“This moment will turn out OK”) and then seeing if the prediction comes true.
This is the path. You find the things you’re struggling with, and learn to work with them. Learn to shift your perspective. Learn to see what’s tripping you up, and turn it into an opportunity to practice new skills.
This is a good path. It has helped me to be more accepting of myself, and trust myself more. And in turn, it has helped me to love myself and others more, one moment at a time.
Why Am I So Insecure?
How to Overcome Insecurity: Why Am I So Insecure?
We are called a narcissistic generation. We are told that technology and social media are giving us an inflated sense of self. But most of us don’t walk around feeling like we are all that great. In fact, there is one underlying emotion that overwhelmingly shapes our self-image and influences our behavior, and that is insecurity. If you could enter the minds of people around you, even the narcissistic ones, you’re likely to encounter ceaseless waves of insecurity. A recent survey found that 60 percent of women experience hurtful, self-critical thoughts on a weekly basis.
In their research, father-and-daughter psychologists Drs. Robert and Lisa Firestone used an assessment tool known as the Firestone Assessment for Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) to evaluate people’s self-attacks (or “critical inner voices”) along a continuum. What they found is that the most common self-critical thought people have toward themselves is that they are different – not in a positive sense, but in some negative, alienating way. Whether our self-esteem is high or low, one thing is clear; we are a generation that compares, evaluates and judges ourselves with great scrutiny. By understanding where this insecurity comes from, why we are driven to put ourselves down and how this viewpoint affects us, we can start to challenge and overcome the destructive inner critic that limits our lives.
Why am I so insecure? What causes insecurity?
There is an internal dialogue that accompanies our feelings of insecurity. This is called the “critical inner voice.” Dr. Lisa Firestone, who co-authored the book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice wrote, “The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.”
So, what events or attitudes shape this inner critic? The experiences we have with our influential early caretakers can be at the root of our insecurity as adults. Imagine a child being yelled at by a parent. “You’re so spaced out! Can’t you figure anything out on your own?” Then, imagine the negative comments and attitudes parents express toward themselves. “I look terrible in this. I’m so fat.” These attitudes don’t even have to be verbalized to influence the child. A parent’s absence can leave children feeling insecure and believing there is something fundamentally wrong with them. An intrusive parent can cause children to become introverted or self-reliant in ways that make them feel insecure or untrusting of others. Studies have even shown that exaggerated praise can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem.
The reason for this is that children must feel seen for who they are in order to feel secure. A lot of our issues with insecurity can come from our early attachment style. Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of Parenting from the Inside Out, says the key to healthy attachment is in the four S’s, feeling safe, seen, soothed and secure. Whether children are being shamed or praised, they are, most likely, not feeling seen by the parent for who they really are. They may start to feel insecurity and lose a sense of their actual abilities.
A healthy attitude for parents to maintain is to see themselves and their children realistically and to treat them with acceptance and compassion. The best way a parent can support their children is to allow them to find something that is unique to them – something that lights them up and that they will work to achieve. This activity must appeal to the child’s interest, not just the parents. As author and civil rights leader Howard Thurman famously said, ““Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
As the child pursues whatever interest makes them “come alive,” the parent should offer support and acknowledgment for the effort involved as opposed to focusing too much on the result. It’s the difference between saying “What a stunning picture. You are the best artist I’ve seen” and saying, “I love the way you used so many colors. It’s awesome that you worked so hard on this. What gave you that idea?” This practice helps a child establish a sense of self-worth.
The Effect of Insecurity
It’s clear that there are many things that shape our critical inner voice, from negative attitudes directed toward us to attitudes our parents had toward themselves. As we get older, we internalize these points of view as our own. We keep these attitudes alive by believing in our insecurities as we go along in life. The most common critical inner voices Dr.’s Robert and Lisa Firestone found people to experience throughout their day include:
- You’re stupid.
- You’re unattractive.
- You never get anything right.
- You’re not like other people.
- You’re a failure.
- You’re fat.
- You’re such a loser.
- You’ll never make friends.
- No one will ever love you.
- You’ll never be able to quit drinking (smoking etc).
- You’ll never accomplish anything.
- What’s the point in even trying?
Like a mean coach, this voice tends to get louder as we get closer to our goals. “You’re gonna screw up any minute. Everyone will realize what a failure you are. Just quit before it’s too late.” Oftentimes, we react to these thoughts before we even realize we are having them. We may grow shy at a party, pull back from a relationship, project these attacks onto the people around us or act out toward a friend, partner or our children. Just imagine what life would be like if you didn’t hear any of these mean thoughts echo in your head. Imagine what reality might actually look like if you could live free of this prescribed insecurity.
Insecurity at Work
Insecurity can affect us in countless areas of our lives. Every person will notice their inner critic being more vocal in one area or another. For example, you may feel pretty confident at work but completely lost in your love life or vice versa. You may even notice that when one area improves, the other deteriorates. Most of us can relate, at one time or another, to having self-sabotaging thoughts toward ourselves about our career. Old feelings that we are incompetent or that we will never be acknowledged or appreciated can send our insecurities through the roof. Some common critical inner voices about one’s career include:
- You don’t know what you’re doing.
- Why do they expect you to do everything yourself?
- Who do you think you are? You’ll never be successful.
- You’re under too much pressure. You can’t take it.
- You’ll never get everything done. You’re so lazy.
- You should just put this off until tomorrow.
- No one appreciates you.
- You’d better be perfect, or you’ll get fired.
- Nobody likes you here.
- Put your career first. Don’t take time for yourself.
- When are you ever going to get a real job?
- No one would hire you.
Insecurity in Relationships
Whether we are single, dating or in a serious, long-term relationship, there are many ways our critical inner voice can creep in to our romantic lives. Relationships, in particular, can stir up past hurts and experiences. They can awaken insecurities we’ve long buried and bring up emotions we don’t expect. Moreover, many of us harbor unconscious fears of intimacy. Being close to someone else can shake us up and bring these emotions and critical inner voices even closer to the surface. Listening to this inner critic can do serious damage to our interpersonal relationships. It can cause us to feel desperate toward our partner or pull back when things start to get serious. It can exaggerate feelings of jealousy or possessiveness or leave us feeling rejected and unworthy. Common critical inner voices we have toward ourselves about relationships include:
- You’re never going to find another person who understands you.
- Don’t get too hooked on her.
- He doesn’t really care about you.
- She is too good for you.
- You’ve got to keep him interested.
- You’re better off on your own.
- As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you.
- You’ve got to be in control.
- It’s your fault if he gets upset.
- Don’t be too vulnerable or you’ll just wind up getting hurt.
Length: 90 Minutes
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How Can I Overcome Insecurity?
Once we have a better sense of where our insecurity comes from and the profound influence it is having on our lives, we can begin to challenge it. We can start by interrupting the critical inner voice process. Voice Therapy is a cognitive/affective/behavioral approach developed by Dr. Robert Firestone to help people overcome their critical inner voice. There are five important steps to this process, which I will briefly outline. To learn about Voice Therapy in more depth click here.
The first step of Voice Therapy involves vocalizing your self-critical thoughts in the second person. You can also write down these thoughts. Instead of writing “I am so stupid. What is the matter with me? I’ll never be successful,” you would write, “You are so stupid. You will never be successful.” This process helps you to separate from these vicious attacks by seeing them as an external enemy instead of your real point of view. This process can also be an emotional one, as saying these statements can bring up underlying feelings from the past.
In the second step, you can start to think and talk about the insights and reactions you have to exposing these mean thoughts. Do they remind you of anyone or anything from your past? It can be helpful to uncover the relationship between these voice attacks and the early life experiences that helped shape them. This too will allow you to feel some self-compassion and reject these attitudes as accurate reflections of who you are.
People often struggle with the third step of this process, because it involves standing up to long-held beliefs and insecurities about oneself. You will answer back to your voice attacks, expressing your real point of view. You can write down rational and realistic statements about how you really are. Respond to your attacks the way you would to a friend who was saying these things about him or herself, with compassion and kindness.
In step five of Voice Therapy, you start to make a connection between how the voice attacks are influencing your present-day behaviors. How do they affect you at work? With your partner? As a parent? In your personal ambitions? Do they undermine you? What events trigger the insecurity? In what areas is this insecurity most influential?
The final step involves making a plan to change these behaviors. If insecurity is keeping you from asking someone on a date or going after a promotion, it’s time to do the actions anyway. If you’re indulging in self-hating thoughts that encourage you to engage in self-destructive behaviors, it’s time to interrupt these behaviors and unleash the real you.
This process will not be easy. With change always comes anxiety. These defenses and critical inner voices have been with you your whole life, and they can feel uncomfortable to challenge. When you do change, expect the voices to get louder. Your insecurities aren’t likely to vanish overnight, but slowly, through perseverance, they will start to weaken. Whenever you notice an attack come up, stand up to it and don’t indulge in its directives. If you want to be healthy, don’t let it lure you to avoid exercise. If you want to get closer to your partner, don’t listen when it tells you to hold back your affections.
Join Dr. Lisa Firestone for a Webinar on Overcoming Insecurity
As you sweat through this tough but very worthy transition, it is important to practice self-compassion. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff found self-compassion to be far more psychologically beneficial than self-esteem. Self-esteem still focuses on evaluation and performance, where self-compassion encourages an attitude of kindness and patience. Self-esteem can increase our levels of insecurity, where self-compassion asks us to slow down and assign ourselves value simply for being human. Once we realize our own strength and importance, once we see the ways we’ve been hurt and can feel for ourselves on a deep level, we can actually start to break free of the chains that hold us back. We can shed the insecurities of our past and become the people we want to be.
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Tags: critical inner voice, critical self-image, fighting the anti-self, image development, insecurity, negative body image, negative self-image, self development, self-destructive thoughts
Top strategies on overcoming insecurity
Overcoming insecurity is a challenge each and every one of us must face, particularly when we are tasked with running a business. In business, relationships and all of life, many of us struggle with self-doubt as we question our skills and abilities. This breeds a negative state, and if we don’t learn how to overcome insecurity, the fallout can wreak havoc on our work performance and overall well-being.
Instead of allowing insecurity to take over your sense of self-confidence, you must learn to face your fears directly. That means examining what causes your self-doubt so that you can learn to control your emotions.
What causes insecurity?
In order to understand how to overcome insecurity, you need to know what causes it in the first place. Insecurity is an emotion like any other, and all of our emotions stem from our perspective as well as our beliefs. First, perspective: Research suggests that as much as 40% of our happiness in life derives from our interpretation of recent life events or circumstances. When we fail at achieving a goal, the blow to our self-esteem is often substantial. If feelings of failure remain unresolved, they begin to taint our perception of other life problems. But failure is a matter of our perspective – we can see failures as obstacles, or we can see them as opportunities.
Our beliefs create our world, and that applies to our emotions as well. Seeing failures as opportunities is one belief. Changing our beliefs about the world, ourselves and how we fit in can also help us discover how to stop being insecure. When you take the time to not only get to know yourself – your values, your needs and your limiting beliefs – but to truly accept yourself, you’ll unlock a deep confidence that can only come from self-love.
Relationship Insecurity: 12 Steps to Overcoming Self Doubt
Self-doubt is a powerful emotion. It can distort your view of many different aspects of your life, including your relationship. When we experience doubt and insecurity, we judge ourselves harshly, hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, and often wonder why we’re worthy of love. Left unchecked, self-doubt can be dangerous, if not disastrous, to the health of a relationship.
So how do you get out of your own way? How do you remove the (mostly internal) obstacles between you and happiness? The first step is to identify the feeling. The next twelve are listed below:
1. Stop saying you are insecure.
This step is an important one: if you are currently working on improving yourself – particularly your sense of security – you are essentially working on changing your narrative. This is impossible if you are still labeling yourself as “an insecure person” or even thinking repeatedly about your many pitfalls in the confidence arena. Once you eliminate the thoughts, you can start to change the behavior.
2. Doubt your doubts.
The second step is about creating distance between yourself and these feelings. Although they can seem like they’re coming from yourself, they’re actually an external presence – one that you can analyze, examine, and eventually, eliminate. Start to understand that your doubts are actually your deepest fears, manifesting and parading around as actual opinions. They’re not. They’re false. They have no power unless you give it to them.
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3. Name your critic.
Not a name like “Dave” or “Josephine” (although if you’d like to, you totally can) but identify those thoughts when they start to creep into your self-awareness. If you’re looking at a picture of yourself with your significant other and start thinking: “They’re so much more attractive than me, I bet people notice and wonder why we’re together…” then immediately stop and recognize that THAT is the sound of your critic, and not your own thoughts, your partner’s, or anyone else’s.
4. Stop overthinking.
Overthinking is a lose-lose scenario. If you have a negative thought, harping on it will make it seem more important and prevalent than it really is (not to mention draining your energy in the process). If you don’t have a negative or insecure thought, overthinking will guarantee that you find one. In general, it’s not a great habit, as it typically creates stress, anxiety, and tension within yourself – but in the context of your relationship it spells a recipe for disaster.
5. Get to the root of it.
Understanding that you have insecurities isn’t the real work, it’s only the beginning. Getting to the why is what matters. Think back: how long have you struggled with these issues? Can you trace it back to childhood? Friends? Exes? Asking yourself the tough questions and doing an inventory to determine where these feelings originated will equip you with a lot of information and give you a clearer path forward towards security.
6. If you need help, ask for it.
In the previous step, if you discovered that your insecurity is rooted in something deeper, like past trauma or repressed experiences, you owe it to yourself to process those emotions properly. Reach out to a therapist, psychiatrist, or simply find a support group. This is a critical step if you find out that your insecurities run deeper than you originally thought.
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7. Cut off your comparisons.
When we focus on comparing ourselves or our relationships to others, we open the door to disappointment. This is a difficult habit to just go cold-turkey on, because it’s simply part of our nature. But what we can control is our exposure to it! Simply limiting your social media time can go a long way towards achieving this goal.
8. Cultivate confidence.
The best antidote to self-doubt is self-confidence. How do you materialize more of it? One idea is that you can keep a nightly journal where you write down one thing you did you were proud of from the day – and then the next morning, read your last few entries. What more encouraging way could you think of to start the day?
9. Open up.
No matter how synced you are with your partner, there is no couple on Earth that can read each other’s minds. So instead of crossing your fingers for telepathy, open up the lines of communication. Being vulnerable doesn’t just strengthen your connection, it also allows your partner to gain insight and understanding into your journey. It’s a win-win.
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10. Improve self-talk.
One of the best ways to combat negativity is to realize you can control your own self-talk. And some of the best advice there is on this subject is actually pretty simple: Speak to yourself the same way you would speak to your closest friend. You wouldn’t say: “You’re right, I don’t think you’re worthy of love,” right? You’d say: “How dare you think that? You’re amazing! You’re unbelievable. There is no one in the world like you.”
11. Surround yourself with positivity.
Since you’ve limited your social media intake, you probably have a little more free time, right? Use it surrounding yourself with good things, and good people. They say you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with, so do a quick mental inventory about the people you’re choosing to spend your time on. If you identify negativity, address it.
12. Embrace insecurity as a part of being human.
Although this sounds a little… counterintuitive, this is a really important point. Extensive self-doubt is no good, as it’s toxic to your confidence and to your relationship. But on another note, a little insecurity is just one of the prices we pay for being a human being. The ups, the downs, they can trick you into thinking you’re the only person who feels that way – but the truth is, we’ve all been there. And we’ll all be there again.
Although self-doubt can sometimes feel like you’re being sucked under in a whirlpool of doubt and darkness, climbing out is surprisingly easy. If you really practice each of these steps with intention, go through them chronologically as many times as necessary, the results are straightforward. You will become more secure. You will doubt yourself less. You will still experience those emotions from time to time (you’re only human, remember) but they won’t guide your decision-making and influence your sense of self. You will be able to see in yourself what your partner obviously sees.
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By Caitlin Killoren on Jun 10, 2020
With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people’s relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.
Four Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships
“What ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity” — Olivia Wilde
Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships. Chronic insecurity robs you of your peace and prevents you from being able to engage with your partner in a relaxed and authentic way. The actions that come from insecurity—always asking for reassurance, jealousy, accusing, and snooping—erode trust, aren’t attractive, and can push a partner away.
While many people tend to think that insecurity comes from something their partner said or did, the reality is that most insecurity comes from inside ourselves. The feeling can start early in life with an insecure attachment to your parents, or can develop after being hurt or rejected by someone you care about. Insecurities are maintained and built upon when you negatively compare yourself to other people and harshly judge yourself with critical inner dialogue. The majority of relationship insecurity is based on irrational thoughts and fears—that you are not good enough, that you will not be OK without a partner, that you will never find anyone better, that you are not truly lovable.
When you start to notice that sinking feeling of insecurity, there are a few things you can do:
1. Take stock of your value
When you feel insecure, you are often focused on something you feel is lacking about you. In most well-matched relationships, each partner brings different qualities and strengths that complement the other. It is possible to be equals in different ways. To feel more secure in a relationship it helps to know what you have to offer to the other person. You don’t have to be rich or beautiful to offer something—personality characteristics are far more important to the overall quality of a relationship. Think about the traits you have as a person—you may be nice, trustworthy, funny, kind, or a good communicator. These are traits most people value in a partner. And think about how you make the other person’s life better: Do you make them feel loved, supported, and happy? These are things everyone wants to feel in a relationship, but many often don’t. Focus on what you offer instead of what you feel you lack; this will change your perspective. If the other person doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer, that’s his or her loss.
2. Build your self-esteem
Research shows that people with more relationship insecurity tend to have poorer self-esteem. When you aren’t feeling good about who you are on the inside, it is natural to want to look outside of yourself for validation. However, trying to feel good by getting approval from your partner is a losing situation for any relationship. When your well-being depends on someone else, you give away all of your power. A healthy partner won’t want to carry this kind of burden and it can push him or her away. Feeling good about who you are is a win-win for the relationship. You get to enjoy the sense of well-being that comes with genuinely liking yourself, and self-confidence is an attractive quality that makes your partner want to be closer to you.
Building your self-esteem isn’t as difficult as it may seem. Building self-confidence comes with experience, but there are two steps you can take that will rapidly improve how you feel about yourself. Learn to silence your inner critic and practice self-compassion, and retrain yourself to focus on the aspects of yourself you like instead of the ones you don’t like. (To learn how to silence your inner critic, click here. For a simple 30-day exercise that trains your attention to focus on your positive qualities, click here.)
3. Keep your independence
A healthy relationship is comprised of two healthy people. Becoming overly enmeshed in a relationship can lead to poor boundaries and a diffuse sense of your own needs. Maintaining your sense of self-identity and taking care of your needs for personal well-being are the keys to keeping a healthy balance in a relationship. When you aren’t dependent on your relationship to fill all of your needs, you feel more secure about your life. Being an independent person who has things going on outside of the relationship also makes you a more interesting and attractive partner. Ways to maintain your independence include: Making time for your own friends, interests, and hobbies, maintaining financial independence, and having self-improvement goals that are separate from your relationship goals. In essence: Don’t forget to do you.
4. Trust in yourself
Feeling secure in a relationship depends on trusting the other person but, more importantly, on learning to trust yourself. Trust yourself to know that no matter what the other person does, you will take care of you. Trust yourself to know that you won’t ignore your inner voice when it tells you that something isn’t right. Trust yourself not to hide your feelings, trust yourself to make sure your needs are met, and trust yourself that you won’t lose your sense of self-identity. Trust yourself to know that if the relationship isn’t working, you will be able to leave and still be a wholly functioning individual. When you trust yourself, feeling secure is almost a guarantee. If finding this kind of trust in yourself seems very difficult on your own, you may wish to work with a professional who can help you learn how to do this.
It’s important to remember that no one is perfect—we all come with some baggage. But it isn’t necessary to be perfect to be in a happy, healthy, and secure relationship. When you take your attention off of what other people think and keep the focus on yourself, you can’t help become a better, more secure version of yourself.
The 3 Most Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them
Source: Stefano Tinti/Shutterstock
Do you find yourself feeling filled with self-doubt and short on confidence? Despite your accomplishments, do you feel like a fraud destined to be exposed? Do you feel that you don’t deserve lasting love and that partners will inevitably leave you? Do you stay at home, afraid to venture out and meet new people because you don’t feel you have enough to offer? Do you feel overweight, boring, stupid, guilty, or ugly?
Most of us feel insecure sometimes, but some of us feel insecure most of the time. The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity. Following are the 3 most common forms—and how to begin to cope with them.
Type 1: Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection
Recent events in our lives can greatly affect both our mood and the way we feel about ourselves. Research on happiness suggests that up to 40% of our “happiness quotient” is based on recent life events. The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the ending of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, job loss, and negative health events. Since unhappiness also influences your self-esteem, failure and rejection can deliver a double whammy to your confidence. In his book Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts, Psychology Today blogger Guy Winch states that rejection inevitably leads us to see both ourselves and other people more negatively, at least for a time. And those of us who have lower self-esteem to begin with are more reactive to failure. It’s as if an experience like losing your job grabs old negative beliefs about your self-worth and activates them. It may help to understand that failure is a nearly ubiquitous experience: Before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln lost his job, was defeated for nomination to Congress, and failed at least twice in Senate bids. Persevering despite setbacks can lead to eventual successes—which raise your self-esteem.
Below are some tools you can use to overcome failure- or rejection-based insecurity:
- Give yourself time to heal and adapt to the new normal.
- Get out and engage with life, following your interests and curiosity.
- Reach out to friends and family for distraction and comfort.
- Get feedback from people you trust.
- Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.
- Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.
Type 2: Lack of Confidence Because of Social Anxiety
Many of us experience a lack of confidence in social situations like parties, family gatherings, interviews, and dates. The fear of being evaluated by others—and found to be lacking—can lead you to feel anxious and self-conscious. As a result, you may avoid social situations, experience anxiety when you anticipate social events, or feel self-conscious and uncomfortable during them. Past experience can feed your sense of not belonging, not feeling important or interesting, or just not being good enough. Many of my clients describe how being bullied or excluded from a group of friends in middle school or high school continues to negatively affect their confidence as adults. If you grew up with critical parents, or parents who pressured you to be popular and successful, you may also be over-sensitized to how others perceive you. This type of insecurity is generally based on distorted beliefs about your self-worth—and about the extent to which other people are evaluating you. Most of the time, people are more focused on how they are coming across than on judging others. Those who do judge and exclude are often covering up insecurities of their own and so their opinions may be less than accurate; they may value superficial attributes instead of character and integrity.
Below are some tools to combat insecurity in social situations:
- Talk back to your inner critic. Remind yourself of all the reasons that you can be interesting and fun or would be a good friend or partner.
- Prepare in advance. Think of some things you can talk about—current events, movies you’ve seen, hobbies, your job, or your family.
- Avoiding social situation just makes things worse. So go to a party or on a date even if you’re nervous. Your anxiety should decrease once you get engaged with others—if not the first or second time, then once you get used to showing up.
- Set yourself a limited, realistic goal. This could be anything from talking to two new people or finding out more about one person’s work and hobbies.
- Deliberately focus on others to combat intense self-focus. Put on your observer hat and notice what other people seem to be feeling and doing. Do you notice any similarities or skills you can learn from them?
Type 3: Insecurity Driven by Perfectionism
Some of us have very high standards for everything we do. You may want the highest grades, the best job, the perfect figure, the most beautifully decorated apartment or house, neat and polite kids, or the ideal partner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want, even if we work extra hard. There is a piece of the outcome that is at least to some degree out of our control. Bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce, partners may resist commitment, or you may have genes that make it difficult to be skinny. If you are constantly disappointed and blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy. While trying your best and working hard can give you an advantage, other aspects of perfectionism that are unhealthy. Beating up on yourself and constantly worrying about not being good enough can lead to depression and anxiety, eating disorders, or chronic fatigue.
Below are some ways to combat perfectionism:
- Try to evaluate yourself based on how much effort you put in, which is controllable, rather than on the outcome, which is dependent on external factors.
- Think about how much difference it would actually make if your work were 10 percent better. Would the time and energy spent in checking and re-checking or answering every email really be worth it?
- Perfectionism is often based on all- or nothing thinking, so try to find the grey areas. Is there a more compassionate or understanding way to view a situation? Are you taking your circumstances into account when you evaluate yourself? Is there something you learned or achieved even if the end result wasn’t perfect?
- Perfectionists often have conditional self-esteem: They like themselves when they are on top and dislike themselves when things don’t go their way. Can you learn to like yourself even when you are not doing well? Focus on inner qualities like your character, sincerity, or good values, rather than just on what grades you get, how much you get paid, or how many people like you.
Copyright: Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., 2015. All rights reserved.
7 Ways To Let Go Of Insecurity In Your Relationship
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.
The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.
Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.
Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.
Listen to Understand, Not to Speak
There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.
Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.
Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.
We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.
Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.
A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.
The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.
Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event. And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.
Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.
Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!
Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words
While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.
Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved. When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.
These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.
Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.
Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?
Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.
Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.
Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons. These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.
Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.
Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All
As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.
This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.
Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption. Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.
Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.
These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.
Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.
Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!
More Tips Improving Listening Skills
Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com
Unprotected HTTP protocol – what does it mean and how to fix it
Users accessing the Internet through the Yandex browser began to notice an icon, when hovering over which an inscription pops up – The site uses an unprotected HTTP protocol. An alert appears in a red warning triangle next to the address bar. To understand what the transition to such a web resource threatens and what to do, we will consider in the article.
What does it mean “the site uses an unprotected HTTP protocol”
An unsecured HTTP protocol means that data on the site is transmitted without encryption and is not protected from the actions of third parties.HTTP is an outdated data transfer protocol, not so long ago most web resources used it. The need to develop an improved HTTPS protocol arose in connection with the increased level of hacker attacks. The use of HTTPS is necessary when conducting payments through a mobile bank, making purchases online, using a social network. In other words, on all Internet sites where you leave your data.
A warning about the use of HTTP by the site is displayed using the Protect protection function in the Yandex browser.
How is it useful:
– controls the security of Wi-Fi networks active on the PC and phone;
– checks the files downloaded from the network;
– protects your login passwords, payments, mobile banking in the network;
– blocks access to ads with shocking content and spam
Is it dangerous to enter a site with an unprotected protocol
If you just view information there, for example, read posts and do not enter your personal data (phone number, e-mail, do not payment) there is no danger.
But if you need to fill out a form with your data, but there is no HTTPS icon (lock in the address bar), there is a potential danger. For example, you want to make a purchase in some online store – it is better to choose a site with a secure protocol.
How to fix it in Yandex browser
You cannot remove the “unprotected protocol” icon. On sites using obsolete http, it will still be displayed. Only the site owner can remove it.To do this, he needs to check with his hosting the conditions for installing an SSL certificate. Which engine was used to create the site does not matter, the icon can appear on sites made on wordpress, and on tilda, and on any others.
Sometimes Yandex browser can completely block the ability to go to the site. Opening such a insecure page is possible after disabling the options in Protect.
To enter the Protect settings, write to the address bar: browser: // protect /
The page opens – uncheck all the boxes and restart the Yandex browser.
Think well before you do this. By disabling security options, you expose your data to a potential threat.
It happens that all sites are marked with an unsecured protocol icon. This could be caused by viruses inside the computer or incorrect date / time settings.
Open the date and time setting in Windows and check if the correct time zone is set there.
Then scan your PC with antivirus software.
To achieve the maximum result, you can also reset the Yandex browser settings.
3 steps to bypass the “insecure HTTP” notification
While surfing the Internet, many users encounter the error “unprotected http yandex browser protocol”, which appears immediately after the page starts loading. This message is symbolized by a red triangle, and it is usually located next to the site address. Despite the fact that this situation is a very common behavior of the built-in protection, PC users often perceive the notification as a fatal error.
Below we will try to explain why some resources are blocked in this way and how to remove the threat message.
What is behind the “unsecured protocol” label?
It’s all about the acronym HTTP, which is located at the beginning of the Web address. Such resources are much easier to hack, since the traffic passing through them is open to the attacker, that is, the data is not encrypted using the transport layer security protocol. By default, Yandex browser is equipped with a special utility that monitors user actions and warns him of the danger with a message like “The site uses unprotected HTTP.”
This method of data security is used by almost all browsers, if the corresponding item is activated in the settings. The software component registers various vulnerabilities and, after detecting them, informs the PC owner about the error. The functionality of the Protect utility installed in Yandex Browser is aimed at the following actions:
- Provides a safe surfing Wi-Fi connection.
- Concealment of personal data of users from cybercriminals (passwords, information about Internet payments, etc.)).
- Scans all files downloaded from online resources.
- Blocking pop-up ad units and prohibited content.
For a complete understanding of the issue, you should find out what the danger of the HTTP protocol is and what this abbreviation means for an ordinary web user.
HTTP is a relic of the past that may soon disappear from the Internet. A large number of hacker attacks on web portals not protected by encryption is due to the presence of objectively simple access to the server, which ensures the exchange of data between the participants in the connection.To solve the problem, a modern HTTPS protocol was developed.
This segment has made life harder for cybercriminals, as the very approach to protecting traffic has changed. Activation of the TLS / SSL type protocol ensures the safety of all bytes of information, which means encryption of data that is especially important for the user (mobile numbers, bank cards, passwords, nicknames and other traffic). Typically, such sites are identified by a green padlock in the page address area.
Yandex and Google are interested in protecting all of their customers, and they have long been recommending the owners of online resources to use a secure protocol, especially if the site has forms where the user can enter “special” information.For ordinary information resources, this rule is not mandatory, therefore, when visiting such pages, the domestic browser will definitely warn the user with a corresponding notification.
Can I visit sites with HTTP protocol?
If you only need to view some data on the site or find out information about an event, then there is nothing to fear. But you should not take such risks in online stores or on social media pages. After all, even a novice hacker can steal a phone number, bank account details or email address if encryption is not supported at the server level.Therefore, when going to a potentially dangerous page, you should remember about this threat.
Configuring the security tab in Yandex Browser
Considering that the warning cannot be removed, since the option is hardcoded into the browser by default, the publisher may face the problem of not having the required number of views and visits to his site. After all, many perceive the red triangle in the header of the page as a danger. Therefore, the resource owner should consider installing an SSL certificate.
Access to some addresses due to the use of an outdated protocol can be completely blocked. And if you are wondering what to do in this case to bypass protection, then there is the following algorithm:
- In the line for entering the page address, write browser: // protect / and press Enter.
- A defender window will appear, in which you need to uncheck all the settings.
- It should be remembered that this method can significantly reduce the level of browser security, after which the program will not be able to protect you at the time of the hack.
Sometimes the user encounters a problem when all pages are displayed under the red triangle sign. Perhaps these are the consequences of the action of malicious code, but most often this error is caused by incorrect setting of the system time. Go to the “Time and Language” section in the “Options” menu and check the information for compliance with reality. The time zone settings are also important.
To scan the file system, it is worth using threat scanners such as Dr.Web CureIt and Kaspersky Removal Tool. Prolonged viral activity can negatively affect the integrity of system components, so a full OS scan should be performed as often as possible. Sometimes resetting all browser settings helps to solve the problem with incorrect display of web pages.
In this article, we figured out how to fix a bug if it appears due to the user’s fault. In any case, sites with the HTTP protocol are not very safe for everyone who visits them, since it is these resources that hackers use to hack accounts and steal personal data of bank customers.On sites marked with the green closed lock icon, you can safely fill out online payment forms, transfer passport data (only if it is required to verify your identity) and register using your personal phone number.
90,000 Using insecure HTTP addresses is now deprecated
Mozilla announced its intention to phase out the use of insecure HTTP addresses.
Most everyone agrees that HTTPS is the way forward for the web.Over the past months, Mozilla has faced numerous requests from the IETF, IAB, W3C, and the US government to use Universal Encryption through Internet Applications, which in the case of the Web environment means moving to HTTPS.
Following a lengthy discussion among Mozilla subscribers, it was decided to focus on developing a secure network; opportunities associated with an unsecured network will be gradually removed.This plan will include the following steps:
1. Specify the date after which all new features will be available only to secure websites.
2. Gradually reducing access to browser capabilities for unsecured sites, especially features that pose a threat to user security and privacy.
To complete the first step, the community must agree on a date and decide which features will be considered “new”.For example, functions that cannot be implemented using polyfill code can be considered “new” functions. In this case, unsecured websites could still use CSS and other presentation features, since pages can render different effects on their own (for example, using
The second step is to find a trade-off between security and web compatibility.Removing some features from an unsecured network can cause many sites to stop working. Thus, Mozilla will need to track the percentage of broken sites and balance it with security benefits. Mozilla is also considering softer restrictions on features used by unsecured sites. For example, Firefox already prohibits permanent access to the camera and microphone for unsecured sites. There have also been suggestions to limit the size of unprotected cookies.
Note that the above plan allows the use of the “http” URI scheme in old content. With HSTS and the upgrade-insecure-requests CSP attribute, the “http” scheme can be automatically translated to “https” and thus safely executed.
The company’s goal is to signal to the web development community to move towards secure connections. This work will be most effective if it is coordinated by the web community.Mozilla plans to make some suggestions to the W3C WebAppSec Working Group soon.
The company expresses its gratitude to all those who participated in the discussion of this proposal. Let’s make the web safe!
Answers to popular questions about the phasing out of insecure HTTP addresses
As soon as Mozilla announced its plans to move to HTTPS, there were numerous questions from the company about the state of the web today, as well as the support of the plan by web developers.This guide will answer the most frequently asked questions.
Does this mean that my unsecured site will stop working?
No, it will function for a long time. The network transition to HTTPS will take a long time. The first thing Mozilla will do is require HTTP for new functionality. Thus, no matter what your site is about, it will work steadily for months or years.
In the long term, the company plans to remove or restrict some of the features currently available to unsecured sites.Such changes will be announced in advance, so you will always have time to update your site (opt out of these features if your site depends on them) or switch to HTTPS (which we hope you choose). These changes will only be implemented after extensive consultation with the web community, as Mozilla plans to strike the right balance between functionality and security.
Why are you forcing me to buy a certificate? It’s hard for small sites to do this!
If you want to use HTTPS, you will need to obtain a certificate.This does not mean that you should definitely buy it! There are numerous providers on the market that offer free certificates (for example, StartSSL, WoSign, and Let’s Encrypt). Some web platforms offer the certificate for free (for example, Cloudflare). However, free certificates are not the best option. It is best to use paid SSL certificates, which are more reliable and trusted. For those who prefer to run their own server, Mozilla offers an HTTPS configuration generator.
Will HTTPS cause my site to slow down?
HTTPS is basically HTTP + encoding i.e. switching to HTTPS still affects performance. However, in the case of modern platforms, this is almost invisible. For many sites, coding will actually be the transition to better performance. HTTP / 2 offers significant performance improvements over HTTP / 1.1, and in all modern browsers it is only available for secure sites.
Why are you so worried about promoting HTTPS when the CA (Registration Center) system is flawed?
For all its shortcomings, the CA system that we have today is the foundation for the entire online economy as a whole. Yes, the system is flawed, but it works.
Mozilla continually strives to improve the quality of the Mozilla CA Program, from eliminating incorrect registration centers to stricter disclosure requirements.The organization is also interested in new technologies (such as DANE and CT) to improve authentication. However, the PKI infrastructure in place today is strong enough to push HTTPS forward.
Doesn’t this make life difficult for simple websites and curtail freedom of speech?
As mentioned above, HTTPS is getting easier and easier to deploy – and this is becoming a general trend in the industry. Even if you take old content, there are always HSTS and upgradeinsecurerequests that make migration easier.
When it comes to freedom of speech, it is worth noting that most of the anti-censorship research has focused on improving the privacy of communications (SecureDrop is an example). Therefore, the active use of coding is a plus for free speech.
What about development / enterprise environments?
You can always customize your browser to accommodate these situations. The browser’s “security” concept is defined in the W3C’s Privileged Contexts specification, which Mozilla expects to apply for local policy, ie.e. the user himself can configure the required trust context. Combine this with the existing mechanisms for adding trusted root certificates, and you have a convenient way to create a secure environment, as already implemented in Mozilla.
But there is nothing secret on my site! Why should I use coding?
HTTPS is not just encryption. This protocol also ensures data integrity (i.e. your site cannot be modified in any way) and authentication (i.e.That is, users know that they are connecting to you, and not to some intruders). The absence of any of these three points leads to problems. Proper use of protection allows you to protect yourself from:
Ads Comcast has added to their customers’ web traffic
AT&T tracking the search preferences of its users
· A famous attack called “Great Cannon of China” that put down Github
In other words, if your site is not secure, it can be used against your users and against other sites.A large number of unsecured sites pose a risk to the network.
If you are a security advocate, why are you so bad about self-signed certificates?
Self-signed certificates are inherently not so bad. If you are willing to manually check the correctness of the certificate, then it may be an even safer option than a certificate issued by a certification authority.
Why is the browser showing this warning? The problem is that the browser does not know when exactly it should receive a self-signed certificate, and when – a certificate from a certification authority.As practice shows, only a few legitimate sites have self-signed certificates, which is why manual verification is so difficult. For this reason, the browser thinks by default that it should receive a certificate issued by a CA and that the self-signed certificate is suspicious. Likewise, many users will not examine the details of a certificate and evaluate whether it is correct or not, so the browser must make the right decision on behalf of the user.
Self-signed certificates are great if you tell the browser about them. Either configure them beforehand (Preferences> Advanced> Certificates> Servers) or accept them in the warning dialog that appears. If you have ideas on how to improve this experience, be sure to contact the company.
What about my home router? Or a printer?
The problem is not that these devices cannot use HTTPS.The problem is they are not ready to use certificates. This is usually due to the fact that the device does not have a globally unique name, i.e. you cannot issue a certificate for it, as it is done for a site.
Mozilla understands that there is a legitimate need for the best technology in this area, and will certainly talk to some device vendors about how it can be corrected.
The existing plan calls for a gradual transition to HTTPS, so the company has time to solve this problem.As stated above, what works today will work for a while in the future.
Is HTTPS really cool?
Yes. This is true.
Based on materials: https://blog.mozilla.org/security/2015/04/30/deprecating-non-secure-http/
How to Fix the Error “Your Connection Is Not Secure”
If you see the message “Your connection is not secure” appears on your screen, do not panic.This problem is familiar to most internet users. Fortunately, this is not difficult to fix. Let’s take a look at why this problem occurs and how to fix it?
Protect your website with SSL. The certificate is included in all Hostinger hosting plans.
Why does the error “Your connection is not secure” appear?
This error message shouldn’t scare you! This means that Google Chrome prevents untrustworthy websites from being visited.This error appears when your browser notices a problem creating an SSL connection or is unable to verify the SSL certificate.
What is SSL?
SSL (Secure Socket Layer) was designed to ensure data security. SSL encryption prevents attackers from stealing personal data of users: name, address or credit card number. If you are making any transactions through your site, we recommend that you set up SSL on your site.
When you visit a website, Google Chrome sends a request to the server requesting the site.If the requested website uses HTTPS, your browser will automatically scan if there is an SSL certificate or not. The certificate is then checked to make sure it meets the confidentiality standard.
Google Chrome will immediately prevent you from logging into the website if the SSL certificate is invalid. Instead of showing a blank page, Google Chrome will display an error message “Your connection is not secure” on the screen.
Besides the lack of an SSL certificate, there are several other reasons why this problem occurs.
1. The certificate has expired
If you are the owner of the website and this problem occurs to you, even if you are sure that you have configured an SSL certificate, you should check the active validity period of your SSL certificate.
This certificate is not permanent. An SSL certificate is usually active for one year. After that, you need to renew your subscription.
2. The SSL certificate belongs only to the domain, not to the subdomain
Sometimes there are no problems on the main page of the site, but the error appears when you go to the subdomain.This is because the SSL certificate only belongs to the domain, not its subdomain.
Check the SSL you purchased. The cheapest options are sometimes only valid for one domain.
3. SSL certificate issued by an untrusted organization
Most browsers only accept SSL certificates from trusted organizations for security reasons. Therefore, if your browser detects that the SSL certificate was issued by an unverified organization, this error may appear.
How to fix the error “Your connection is not secure” in Chrome browser
The main cause of the error is usually the SSL certificate, but the problem can also be on the client side.The good news is, it’s easy to fix. We’ve put together 8 easy ways to fix the “Your connection is not secure” error in Google Chrome.
1. Reload the page
As soon as you see an error message on your screen, the first and simplest thing you can do is reload the page. This may sound silly, but very often it is enough. Most likely, the SSL certificate is being reissued or your browser is unable to send a request to the server.
2.Make sure you are not using public Wi-Fi
This may sound ridiculous. However, using a public network such as a coffee shop or airport Wi-Fi is the most common reason users see this error.
Public networks usually run over HTTP. Therefore, if you perform transactions over public Wi-Fi, the information you entered will not be encrypted. It will be displayed as text, and anyone using the same Wi-Fi network could steal your personal data.Your browser will automatically show this error to alert you.
3. Clear your cache, cookies and browser history
From time to time, your browser cache and cookie section may become overloaded and may cause an error.
To clear the cache of the Google Chrome browser, follow these steps.
- Find and click the three dots in the upper right corner of the Google Chrome window
- Click More Tools
- Click Clear Browsing Data in the submenu.
- Check the boxes next to Browsing History and Cached Image and Files
- Click the Clear Data button to complete the step.
4. Try incognito mode
Your browser cache, cookies and history can be important. Don’t worry, you don’t need to delete anything yet. First, you can check if the cache is causing the problem by trying incognito mode.
By using incognito mode, you are using a browser without cache, cookies or browser history.To switch to incognito mode, you can click on the three dots in the upper right corner of the Google Chrome window. Select New Incognito Window. Next, try to access the site in incognito mode. If a similar problem occurs, then the reason is not in your site’s cache and cookies.
5. Check your computer’s date and time settings
An error may appear because your date and time is not set correctly. Browsers take into account the date and time on your computer to check the validity of the SSL certificate.
The error can occur if the machine has a future date when the certificate is no longer valid. Or past, when you have not yet configured an SSL certificate. Checking if the date and time are correct may solve the problem.
6. Check your antivirus or internet security software
Some antivirus software scans HTTPS. When enabled, this feature will block unusual connections or SSL certificates. To fix this, you need to disable the SSL scan feature.
If you do not know where to find these settings, try to completely disable your antivirus and open the website. If the error has disappeared, then you have found its cause.
7. Manually navigate to an insecure connection (insecure)
You can still navigate to the site at your own risk. To continue, click on the link More -> Go to domen.tld at the bottom of the error screen.
8. Ignore SSL certificate error (insecure)
Going to a site with an insecure connection is a one-time solution.If you don’t want this warning to bother you in the future, force the browser to completely ignore the SSL certificate error.
But remember, this method will only put the warning into hibernation – the problem with an insecure connection itself will not go away and may prevent access to insecure sites.
To use this method, follow these steps
- Right-click the Google Chrome shortcut on the desktop.
- Click Properties
- In the field Object add –ignore-certificate-errors
- Click OK
- If error code NET :: ERR_CERT_COMMON_NAME_INVALID appears, bypass it by clicking Continue
- Re-enter to the site and now the error will disappear.
Your connection is not private error in the browser should not cause panic.This is easy to fix. We’ve provided eight simple methods that you can try after reading this guide. If you have any other ways to fix this problem, please share your experience in the comments section below. See you in the next article.
Anna has been working in the field of social networks and messengers for a long time, but now she is actively involved in the creation and maintenance of sites. She loves to learn something new and is constantly on the lookout for new products and updates to share with the world.Anna is also fond of studying foreign languages. Now she is fascinated by the programming language!
Unsecured HTTP protocol – what is it, how to fix it in Yandex Browser
Recently, when visiting some sites through Yandex Browser, users began to observe a rather strange warning – “The site uses an insecure HTTP protocol” which pops up in a red warning triangle. Many users perceive this notification as a problem in their browser or even computer.However, this is not quite true.
In this article we will tell you why Yandex Browser warns about the unsecured HTTP protocol and what this means for webmasters and website visitors. We will also show you how to remove this mark.
Warning about unsecured HTTP protocol in Yandex Browser
What is unsecured HTTP?
Unsecured HTTP protocol is a special warning that tells the user that the data transmission on this site is not encrypted and is not protected from the actions of third parties.The notification is displayed due to the active Protect option, which is built into Yandex Browser by default.
The main purpose of Protect technology is to protect the entire process of your surfing the Internet. Protective technology from Yandex scans the site you are visiting and, if fatal problems are found on it (for example, virus scripts), blocks access to it. Of course, Protect will explain to you the essence of the identified danger. In addition, this protection controls the following aspects:
- Checking the security of Wi-Fi networks active on the computer and phone;
- Protection of your login passwords, mobile banking and online payments;
- Checking downloaded files from the Web;
- Blocking ads with spam and shocking content.
But let’s talk about insecure protocols that can intimidate uninformed users. You need to understand when HTTP is dangerous and when you don’t really need it.
So, HTTP is an outdated data transfer protocol that until recently was actively used by most web portals. But with the growth of technology, the level of hacker attacks began to actively grow, which now could intercept your data without any problems. The interception of information was carried out at the time of transmission from the user to the server.In this regard, a more improved HTTPS protocol has been developed.
The secure HTTPS protocol has several advantages over HTTP
Enhanced HTTPS has several levels of security and necessarily encrypts all transmitted traffic from the client to the server. This encryption (TSL / SSL) plays an essential role when using a mobile bank, online store or the same social network. In general, all resources on which you enter your data must have HTTPS (it is indicated by a green padlock).
Yandex and Google are the largest players on the Runet, so they were the first to recommend site owners to switch to an encrypted protocol. For pages that require the entry of your data, the recommendations are mandatory. For the rest of the sites, there are no clear rules and urgent requirements to remove the outdated protocol. However, Yandex Browser has introduced a warning for lagging sites, which results in the very “The site uses an unprotected HTTP protocol.”
Is it dangerous to visit such a site?
If you visit a regular article or blog in search of an answer to a pressing question, then there is no danger for you there. In fact, everything looks like this: you logged in, viewed the information you need and closed the page. If you open a conditional online store where you will enter your phone numbers, e-mail or make a payment, and it does not have an HTTPS icon (indicated by a lock in the address bar), then you are on a potentially dangerous page.Better not to visit this page.
How to remove an unprotected protocol in Yandex Browser?
Unfortunately, by default, you cannot disable the warning about unsecured protocol – a red triangle with a sign will hang on all sites using legacy HTTP. In such a situation, the owner of the site already needs to worry, because such a warning will scare off many readers or customers. The webmaster needs to contact his hosting and find out about the conditions for installing an SSL certificate.
Of course, in some cases, the visitor can be completely blocked from the transition. In this case, in order to open the page (at your own peril and risk), you need to disable all options in the Protect technology:
- We enter browser: // protect / into the address bar, thereby opening the Protect settings.
- Here, uncheck all the boxes and restart the Ya.B. program itself.
To disable Protect, uncheck all the checkboxes in the protection against threats
- Keep in mind – all these actions will negatively affect your future surfing, so we do not recommend doing this.
There is another point – all your sites are designated by an unprotected protocol. This can occur due to virus attacks in the PC itself or incorrect date / time settings. I advise you to open the date and time setting in Windows with the correct time and, most importantly, set the correct time zone.
Check if date / time and time zone are correct on device
You also need to run the system itself through anti-virus scanners, such as Kaspersky Removal Tool, Malwarebytes, Dr.Web CureIt !. For greater effect, it is better to reset the settings of the Yandex Browser program itself. Keep in mind: modern viruses that have infiltrated the system can do a lot of trouble – so you need to detect and get rid of them right away.
Now you understand what the warning about the insecure HTTP protocol in Yandex Browser means and what exactly you are informed about at the time of the transition. Let me remind you once again that you won’t be able to remove the red icon, the owner of the resource should take care of this.Try to visit sites that are marked in the search with a green “closed lock” icon. If you have any questions, write in the comments.
90,000 If you see an “Unprotected” warning while browsing the web with Safari
Safari will warn you if the site you are visiting is not secure.
When you visit an encrypted website, Safari verifies its certificate and warns you that the certificate has expired or is invalid. Safari also checks if the website that prompts you for your password or credit card information is secure if it isn’t encrypted.In iOS 13.4 and macOS 10.15.4, Safari also warns you if the certificate is valid, but the TLS version (1.1 and earlier) is insecure.
In either case, you may see the message “Insecure” or “The website is not secure.” Do not enter your details on these sites.
If an unencrypted website asks for your password or credit card information, Safari will warn you that the page you’re on is not secure.
When you select a line in the registration form or enter data in the smart search field, a more prominent warning will appear.
Never enter passwords or credit card numbers on pages with this warning.If you need to use this page, contact the website owner or administrator and inform them that the website is not secure.
Information about non-Apple products or third-party websites not controlled or tested by Apple is not endorsement or recommendation.Apple assumes no responsibility for the selection, functionality, or use of third party websites or products. Apple is also not responsible for the accuracy or reliability of information posted on third party websites. Contact your supplier for more information.
90,000 how to fix mixed content blocking?
Sometimes the following situation arises: you ordered a trusted SSL certificate, passed verification by a certification authority, installed the certificate on the server. We did everything right, but when trying to go to your resource, the browser gives an error: “The site could not be loaded, the loading of mixed active content is blocked.” Or, alternatively, the website loads, but instead of a closed lock in the address bar, the browser shows a yellow triangle and reports that the connection is only partially encrypted.The cause of these problems is mixed content or mixed content (in English – mixed content) on your site.
What is mixed content? And, most importantly, how to get rid of it?
What is mixed content?
We all know that when visiting a website on which a client plans to enter any personal data, be it a login and password, full name, email or simple address, credit card numbers, etc., you should pay attention to whether this page is protected SSL certificate.This is indicated by some visual signs:
- The website url starts with the https extension, not http (for example, https://emaro-ssl.ru)
- A closed lock icon is displayed in the address bar of the browser (most often green)
- It is good if the site has a security seal or Site Seal (but its addition is optional, so its absence does not always mean the absence of an SSL certificate)
- If an SSL certificate with extended validation is installed on the site, the green line will also contain the name of the company that owns the domain on a green background.
However, in some cases there are problems with displaying site content when there is mixed content: for example, in Google Chrome, instead of a green padlock, a padlock is shown in the address bar, covered with a yellow triangle. In Mozilla Firefox, a triangle with an exclamation mark is shown instead of a lock, as in the picture below.
In addition, a message may appear in the browser window that the web page contains mixed content and the information is displayed partially, or completely blocked and not displayed at all.In each browser, the message about mixed content may be displayed in different ways, but the essence is the same – the user receives a warning and will not be able to view the entire content of the page, which, accordingly, has a negative impact on the conversion of the site as a whole.
Internet Explorer reports that only secure site content that is exposed through the secure https protocol is displayed. You have the option to display all content on the page by clicking the “Show all content” button.
The Google Chrome browser says that this page contains a script from an unverified source. You can download the entire content of the site by clicking on the “Load unsafe content” link.
Mozilla Firefox also blocks unsafe content, but informs that most websites continue to work despite the blocked content.If you see one of these warnings, it means that, despite the installed SSL certificate, the connection cannot be fully secured, since some files are downloaded over the http channel. Accordingly, this information may be viewed or modified by third parties. Therefore, it is not recommended to leave personal information on sites with mixed content, such as, for example, bank and passport details, logins and passwords, addresses, and so on.
Why is mixed content being blocked?
Basically, mixed content or mixed content are mixed scripts of the https and http protocols.The fact is that if not all the content of the site consists of files downloaded via the https protocol, and the page contains a part of the content downloaded via the http protocol, then such a connection can be protected only partially . As a result, a seemingly secure connection is not entirely secure. Why are there problems with mixed content, and what are the consequences? SSL certificate guarantees a secure https connection. Accordingly, when the SSL certificate is installed, the website pages should be loaded only via the https protocol.If you use portions of the content via http on a secure site as well, there are security gaps in the connection between the website and the Internet user. Consequently, fraudsters or simply third parties interested in obtaining confidential data can replace parts of the site from http with deliberately altered information and thereby compromise the web page. Having obtained personal information of visitors, they can use it for their own selfish purposes.
What is mixed content?
There are two types of mixed content: active and passive .The difference between them is how a fraudster can use one or another part of the page and what the consequences for users may be. Let’s take a closer look:
Passive mixed content
Passive mixed content (Mixed passive content or Mixed display content) – the part of the page that is displayed on the site carries any information, but does not directly affect the functioning of the site. Passive mixed content occurs when a picture, video, sound file, or object is loaded on a secure web page via the http protocol.Fraudsters can replace the relevant part of the content with misleading information containing cookies, and thus they can collect information about the user’s movement on the pages. The picture on the site can potentially be replaced by another image that contains incorrect information or some kind of appeal to the user. Most browsers do not completely block all passive content, but warn about the presence of such information on the site in the form of a special sign, as shown in the examples above.This kind of mixed content is very common on various websites. The mixed passive content warning on Google Chrome looks like this:
Types of passive mixed content:
- src attribute – image
- src attribute
Active Mixed Content
- data attribute
- href attribute – outbound links