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How to get girls orgasm. 9 Key Signs of a Healthy Relationship: Building Trust, Communication, and Independence

by alexxlab

How can you tell if your relationship is truly healthy. What are the essential components of a strong partnership. How do trust, communication, and independence contribute to relationship satisfaction.

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The Importance of Open Communication in Relationships

One of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. But why is this so crucial?

Open communication allows both partners to express their needs, concerns, and feelings without fear of judgment or retribution. It creates an environment of trust and understanding where difficult topics can be addressed constructively.

Overcoming Communication Barriers

Many couples struggle with effective communication. Common barriers include:

  • Fear of conflict or hurting the other person’s feelings
  • Assumptions about what the partner is thinking
  • Poor listening skills
  • Difficulty expressing emotions

To overcome these barriers, partners can practice active listening, use “I” statements to express feelings, and set aside dedicated time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

The Role of Vulnerability in Communication

Being vulnerable with your partner is a sign of trust and intimacy. It involves sharing your deepest thoughts, fears, and insecurities. While it may feel risky, vulnerability allows for deeper connection and understanding between partners.

How can couples practice vulnerability in their communication? Some strategies include:

  1. Sharing personal stories and experiences
  2. Admitting to mistakes and taking responsibility
  3. Expressing needs and desires openly
  4. Discussing fears and insecurities

Building and Maintaining Trust in Relationships

Trust forms the foundation of any healthy relationship. It allows partners to feel secure, respected, and valued. But how exactly is trust built and maintained over time?

Trust is developed through consistent actions that demonstrate reliability, honesty, and respect for boundaries. This includes following through on commitments, being transparent about your whereabouts and activities, and respecting your partner’s privacy.

The Impact of Betrayal on Trust

When trust is broken in a relationship, it can have long-lasting effects. Betrayal, whether through infidelity, dishonesty, or broken promises, can shatter the foundation of a partnership. Rebuilding trust takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners.

Steps to rebuild trust after betrayal may include:

  • Open and honest communication about the breach of trust
  • Taking full responsibility for one’s actions
  • Demonstrating consistent, trustworthy behavior over time
  • Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy
  • Practicing patience and forgiveness

Understanding and Respecting Love Languages

The concept of love languages, popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman, suggests that people express and receive love in different ways. Understanding your partner’s love language can significantly enhance your relationship. But how do you identify and utilize love languages effectively?

The five love languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

To identify your partner’s love language, observe how they express love to you and what they complain about most in the relationship. You can also take online quizzes or read Chapman’s book together.

Applying Love Languages in Daily Life

Once you’ve identified your partner’s love language, how can you incorporate it into your daily interactions? Here are some practical suggestions:

  • For Words of Affirmation: Leave thoughtful notes, give sincere compliments, express gratitude regularly
  • For Acts of Service: Help with chores, run errands, prepare meals
  • For Receiving Gifts: Give thoughtful, meaningful presents (they don’t have to be expensive)
  • For Quality Time: Plan regular date nights, engage in undistracted conversations, participate in shared hobbies
  • For Physical Touch: Hold hands, offer massages, increase non-sexual physical affection

Navigating Disagreements and Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples handle disagreements can make or break their partnership. What are the keys to healthy conflict resolution?

Effective conflict resolution involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to compromise. It’s not about winning an argument, but finding a solution that works for both partners.

The Art of Agreeing to Disagree

In some cases, partners may need to accept that they have fundamental differences on certain issues. This is where the skill of “agreeing to disagree” becomes crucial. It involves respecting your partner’s viewpoint while maintaining your own.

Topics that couples might agree to disagree on include:

  • Political beliefs
  • Religious views
  • Financial management styles
  • Parenting approaches
  • Career goals

Constructive Argument Techniques

When disagreements do arise, how can couples ensure their arguments remain constructive? Some effective techniques include:

  1. Using “I” statements to express feelings without blaming
  2. Taking breaks if emotions become too intense
  3. Focusing on the current issue rather than bringing up past grievances
  4. Avoiding generalizations like “always” and “never”
  5. Seeking to understand your partner’s perspective before defending your own

Supporting Each Other’s Goals and Dreams

A hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability to support and encourage each other’s individual aspirations. But how can partners effectively balance personal goals with the needs of the relationship?

Supporting your partner’s goals involves showing genuine interest in their ambitions, offering encouragement during setbacks, and being willing to make compromises when necessary. It’s about creating an environment where both individuals can thrive personally and as a couple.

Balancing Individual and Shared Goals

While individual goals are important, couples also need to work towards shared objectives. How can partners align their personal ambitions with their shared vision for the future?

Strategies for balancing individual and shared goals include:

  • Regular check-ins to discuss personal and shared aspirations
  • Creating a shared vision board or bucket list
  • Supporting each other’s personal growth while nurturing the relationship
  • Finding ways to integrate individual passions into shared activities
  • Celebrating each other’s achievements as a couple

Maintaining Independence Within the Relationship

While togetherness is crucial in a relationship, maintaining individual identities and interests is equally important. But how can couples strike the right balance between independence and intimacy?

Healthy relationships allow space for both partners to pursue their own interests, maintain separate friendships, and enjoy alone time. This independence can actually strengthen the relationship by bringing new experiences and perspectives into the partnership.

The Dangers of Codependency

When partners become overly reliant on each other, it can lead to codependency. This unhealthy dynamic can stifle personal growth and create resentment. Signs of codependency include:

  • Difficulty making decisions without your partner’s input
  • Neglecting personal hobbies and friendships
  • Feeling responsible for your partner’s emotions
  • Sacrificing your needs to please your partner
  • Fear of being alone or independent

Nurturing Individual Interests

How can couples encourage each other’s individual pursuits? Some strategies include:

  1. Scheduling regular “me time” for each partner
  2. Supporting each other’s friendships outside the relationship
  3. Encouraging the pursuit of personal hobbies and interests
  4. Respecting each other’s need for privacy and alone time
  5. Celebrating individual achievements

Cultivating Self-Confidence and Self-Love

A strong sense of self-worth is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. But how does self-confidence impact the dynamics between partners?

When both partners have a solid foundation of self-love and confidence, they’re less likely to seek validation solely from the relationship. This leads to a more balanced, fulfilling partnership where both individuals can support each other without losing themselves.

Building Self-Esteem Within a Relationship

While self-esteem is largely an individual journey, partners can support each other’s growth. Ways to foster self-confidence in your relationship include:

  • Offering genuine compliments and appreciation
  • Encouraging personal growth and new experiences
  • Respecting each other’s boundaries
  • Avoiding criticism and focusing on constructive feedback
  • Celebrating individual and shared accomplishments

The Role of Self-Care in Relationships

Self-care is essential for maintaining emotional health and resilience in a relationship. But what does effective self-care look like?

Self-care practices that can benefit both individuals and the relationship include:

  1. Regular exercise and healthy eating habits
  2. Mindfulness and meditation practices
  3. Pursuing personal interests and hobbies
  4. Setting and respecting personal boundaries
  5. Seeking professional help when needed, such as individual therapy

By prioritizing self-care, partners can bring their best selves to the relationship, fostering a more positive and nurturing environment for both individuals to thrive.

9 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

There’s more to a great union than sexual attraction and common interests. Here’s how to know if your partnership is healthy.

By Jessica MigalaMedically Reviewed by Seth Gillihan, PhD

Reviewed:

Medically Reviewed

One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is giving each other enough space to pursue separate goals.Kristina Balashova/Stocksy

You and your partner love trying new restaurants together, going on long bike rides, and traveling, but when it comes to being happy and healthy in a relationship, there are other things to consider besides having common interests.

What exactly makes a relationship healthy? “A great relationship is a safe place for both people to love, honor, and respect one another,” says Jennifer Howell, a leadership and relationship coach based in North Carolina. You can communicate your wants, needs, and boundaries, as well as listen to the other person.

A healthy relationship is important to cultivate because the opposite — a toxic relationship — takes a toll on your quality of life by heightening depression and anxiety, impacting sleep, causing you to take up unhealthy habits, and even impacting heart health, says Mary Jo Rapini, a licensed professional counselor in Houston who specializes in intimacy and sex therapy.

Being in a high-quality romantic relationship is associated with greater well-being, according to a study from 2019. But being single was far better for someone’s well-being than being in a less happy partnership, the study found.

What’s more, many couples in unhealthy relationships don’t know that they are, especially if they grew up in a household where it was the norm, says Rapini. So it’s all the more important to be able to identify where yours stands.

Here are nine signs you and your mate are a good match:

1. You’re Not Afraid to Speak Up

It’s easy to know when your partner does something you don’t like — maybe they don’t call you for two days or don’t help out around the house when you live together. But it’s not always easy to speak up and tell your significant other how you’re feeling. “This takes a lot of strength, self-confidence, and courage, because you have to come from a vulnerable place,” says Howell. In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel secure enough to be open with your partner.

2. Trust Is at the Core of the Relationship

Trust is foundational in all relationships, but with social media and always-on gadgets, it can become all too easy to snoop. But in a healthy relationship, you don’t need to do that. In part, that’s because your partner shows you they’re trustworthy. “They’re reliable and available. When they say they’ll be there, they’ll be there,” says Rapini. They also show you they trust you by giving you the freedom and space you need without checking up on you constantly — and that includes checking your phone, she says.

3. You Know Each Other’s Love Language

Many couples swear by the book The 5 Love Languages for a reason: In it, you discover your partner’s “love language” — the way they prefer to give and receive love (through words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch). In a healthy relationship, you’ve taken the time to learn each other’s “love language” so you can express your love in a way that works for you both, says Howell.

4. You Agree to Disagree on Certain Issues

Every couple fights. But contrary to what you might think, you don’t need to fix every issue. In fact, it’s okay to have a handful of topics that you two will never agree on. Sometimes, “it’s totally fine to agree to disagree. I think that’s healthy fighting,” explains Rapini. “In healthy relationships, there are at least five issues that are ‘no-talkers.’ They’re the issues that you both differ in opinion and perspective on, and that’s okay.”

5. You Encourage Each Other to Go After Your Goals

“Many of us have a dream or vision for our life, and especially as we age, we want to maintain those visions,” says Howell. According to Howell, it’s okay if your dreams don’t align with one another as long as you “honor and encourage each other to achieve your goals. ”

6. You and Your Partner Hold Separate Interests

“Couples who have the greatest love affairs are the ones who are able to maintain their interests, but don’t put guilt on their partner for not sharing it with them,” she says. Meaning, both of you encourage the other to explore what they love on their own. Howell agrees, adding that while it’s easy to adopt your partner’s habits and interests, over time becoming over-reliant on each other can breed resentment. “Developing and investing in yourself builds self-confidence, self-love, and joy,” she says.

7. You’re Comfortable in Your Own Skin

When you’re in a relationship, it’s crucial to know your strengths and weaknesses, says Howell. Maybe you’re confident around your friends but self-conscious at work. Or you know that little things, like your partner forgetting to take out the trash, can set you off. Whatever your strengths and weaknesses are, being aware of them can help you reach a point of loving and accepting yourself, which in turn can help you love and accept your partner.

8. Boundaries Are Honored and Respected

A healthy relationship means you’re both on the same team. “In a healthy relationship, both parties discuss and agree upon important subjects that are meaningful to one another,” says Howell. She gives the example of budgeting for something big, like a vacation. An unsupportive partner in an unhealthy relationship doesn’t honor that goal, and they may sabotage it by trying to get you to splurge on something unnecessary. If you can talk it out with your partner and they acknowledge and understand your boundaries, that’s a good sign, notes Howell. “However, if your partner repeatedly ignores what you value, including your boundaries, that’s concerning,” she says.

9. You Feel Happy and Supported

Once the initial elation of a new relationship wears off, check in with yourself: Do you feel happy and supported by your partner? How are your mood and self-esteem? If you feel any strain or lack of support, talk to your significant other — it’s the healthy thing to do.

Feeling unhappy in a relationship can lead to health problems down the road. According to a study from 2015, which looked at nearly 5,000 adults over age 50 who were partnered up, having regular negative interactions in a relationship increases the likelihood of suffering from depression and anxiety, and is even linked to suicidal thoughts, likely because relationship dysfunction drives up day-to-day stress. On the other hand, strong partnerships protect people when they’re in the midst of a crisis — exactly the time they need someone on their side.

Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

  • Hudson NW, Lucas RE, Donnellan MB. The Highs and Lows of Love: Romantic Relationship Quality Moderates Whether Spending Time With One’s Partner Predicts Gains or Losses in Well-Being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. April 2020.
  • Santini ZI, Koyanagi A. Tyrovolas S, Haro, JM. The Association of Relationship Quality and Social Networks With Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidal Ideation Among Older Married Adults: Findings From a Cross-Sectional Analysis of the Irish Longitudinal Study on Ageing (TILDA). Journal of Affective Disorders. July 1, 2015.

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16 Sexual Positions for Better Sex

There are many different types of sex positions that bring mutual satisfaction, but the best positions are the ones that both you and your partner can enjoy. Have you tried these 16?

By Andrea AtkinsMedically Reviewed by Kara Leigh Smythe, MD

Reviewed:

Medically Reviewed

Trying new positions in bed can intensify stimulation and help you reach orgasm. Getty Images

As the Kama Sutra — that ancient Indian book on sexuality — shows us, sexual activity is a pursuit of infinite variety. There are hundreds of hot sex positions for couples that bring male and female bodies together for mutual pleasure. If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, knowing a variety of sex positions can help you be a better and more inventive lover for your partner.

What Are the Best Ways To Have Mutually Satisfying Sex?

That answer is different for every couple. “I would define the best position as the position that works best for the individual or individuals involved,” says Tameca Harris-Jackson, PhD, LCSW, a certified sex educator, sex therapist, and founder of Hope and Serenity Health Services, a counseling center in Altamont Springs, Florida. “Trying different sex positions actually offers an opportunity to bring different ways of experiencing pleasure into sexual intimacy and a sexual relationship,” Harris-Jackson says. “You can eat the same meal every day for 20 years but it doesn’t mean you’re going to get the most joy out of it. You’re just getting the nutrients. But if you try to add a little bit of parsley to that meal, you might taste it in a different way and it might become a more exciting meal. And that’s what having new positions in a relationship can do.”

There are nonphysical factors to consider, too. Take intimacy, for example. For many people, especially women, intimacy can lead to better sexual experiences because partners are comfortable and trusting enough to ask for what they desire and to try new things.

Many couples are figuring out exactly those benefits, according to research funded by the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana that examined sex during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020.

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An online survey of 1,559 adults showed that while people had less frequent sex during the first weeks of the pandemic, they were more willing to try new things — which included sexting, sharing sexual fantasies, and experimenting with new sex positions. A commentary about the results was published in the June 2020 issue of the journal Leisure Sciences.

Why It’s Important to Try New Sexual Positions

“We know that this has been a really stressful period of time and that can make it hard to get aroused and stay aroused,” says study coauthor Justin L. Lehmiller, PhD, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Indiana, and host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast. “Trying something new can amp up your arousal. Trying new things is about self-discovery — what works for your body, your relationship, and that’s going to have lifelong benefits.”

You don’t have to be a gymnast to make these moves pay off. Don’t think “crazy sex positions,” rather, think new sex positions to create more heat between the sheets.

“Not every position is for everyone and that’s okay,” says Dr. Lehmiller. “But even if the positions described here don’t work for you (maybe you’ve already tried them), that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try new and different things. Novelty is one of the things that keeps us interested in coming back for more. When sex is the same every time, we tend to lose interest. New positions are a handy way of adding an element of novelty and newness to our sex lives.”

1. The Missionary Position or Face to Face

Potential Benefits or Caveats Intimate but not necessarily mutually satisfying

Details It’s a simple sex position: The woman lies on her back with her legs spread and her knees bent slightly. The man lies between her legs and guides his penis into her vagina, supporting his body weight with his arms or elbows.

The problem with this sexual position is that the missionary position is not as good at delivering pleasure to women. The man’s pelvis can sometimes stimulate the clitoris in this position, and it offers great intimacy through face-to-face contact. But the angle of the penis does not allow for deep penetration or stimulation of the G-spot (felt through a location on the front wall of the vagina, and believed by some experts to be a stimulus for orgasm in women). Some women also complain that this sex position doesn’t provide enough clitoral stimulation to experience climax.

One study, published in August 2020 in Sexual Medicine by researchers in the Czech Republic, surveyed 1,100 people about 13 different sex positions and revealed that most people still choose missionary position even though it does not correlate with orgasm for women.

Close the Orgasm Gap Between Men and Women With a Variety of Intercourse Positions

If the most used sex position is not offering women consistent orgasms, then one important thing to do to “close the orgasm gap” might be to try a new sex position, says Lehmiller. In other words, don’t limit yourself to the missionary position.

“In most cultures, it is not the most used position,” says Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, a certified sexuality educator and professor emerita at Rutgers University in New Jersey.

The Best Mutually Beneficial Ways to Have Sizzling, Satisfying Sex 

If you are looking to spice up your sexual experience and enjoy better sex, try some of these female-friendly positions. Many afford partners the chance for clitoral stimulation, which, according to a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy in February 2018, is what 36.6 percent of women said they needed during sexual intercourse in order to reach orgasm. Another 36 percent said while they might reach orgasm through intercourse alone, clitoral stimulation with intercourse made their orgasms feel better.

2. Woman on Top or Cowgirl

Potential Sensual Benefits or Caveats Penetration depth and sensations vary; clitoral stimulation

Details In this sex position, the man lies on his back, and the woman faces him and kneels, straddling his pelvis and guiding his penis into her vagina. She can then sit up or lie down on him.

“This is a great position for a woman to control the depth of penetration,” Dr. Harris-Jackson says. When the woman is on top, she can control how much of the penis she wants. “It’s also a good position to get multiple forms of stimulation. With the woman’s body upright, the nipples can be engaged, which can lead to extra arousal. It is good for having access to the clitoris for stimulation.”

The woman can also choose whether to bounce up and down, grind, or make hip circles — each delivering a slightly different sensation. Says Harris-Jackson: “This is also a good position for a person with a penis if they have back issues because it’s almost a resting position for them.” Men who are very responsive to visual stimuli, can lie back and watch the female partner.

3. Reverse Cowgirl or Reverse Rider on Top

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats Buttocks play, visual stimulations, opportunities for variations; may cause pain

Details The man lies on his back on the bed while the woman sits astride him, facing her partner’s feet, and slips the penis into her vagina. The woman can control the rhythm and pace of the thrusts. This position can be especially exciting for the penetrating partner, who gets to observe the back and buttocks of his partner. Squeezing or grabbing the buttocks can enhance the experience for both. This position can be tricky to master since it requires the woman to lean back or sit up very straight to accommodate the angle of the penis. “If you’re leaning forward, it can be painful and uncomfortable for the man because it could almost feel like his penis is breaking,” says Harris-Jackson, who recommends having your partner bend his knees and then bracing yourself with your hands against his thighs or putting your hands behind you on his waist or on pillows on either side of him.

Switch It Up “This may be one of those positions that is better in theory than in practice,” says Lorrae Jo Bradbury, sex and love coach, founder of SluttyGirlProblems.com and LorraeJo.com. “You might want to use it as a foreplay position, grinding on his penis before you begin intercourse. ”

4. Doggy Style or Rear Entry

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats Deep penetration, G-spot stimulation, but position can feel impersonal

Details In this position, the woman kneels on all fours, supporting herself with her hands and knees. The man crouches behind her and enters her vagina from behind. This is the best sex position for deep penetration of the vagina. It gives the man freedom to thrust his pelvis hard and fast, and allows him to caress much of the woman’s body. The position also allows for good G-spot stimulation.

Switch It Up Some women complain that this sex position is too impersonal because there’s no face-to-face contact. “If you want closer eye contact with this position,” says Bradbury, move your knees closer to your chest and arch your back so your partner can lean into you near your face and you can make eye contact. Bradbury says you can also try this position in front of a mirror so you can see one another’s faces.

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Note: The research published in the August 2020 Sexual Medicine study looked at 13 different sex positions and found that doggy style is not usually associated with female orgasms. If it doesn’t work for you or your partner, keep experimenting.

5. The Corkscrew

Potential Sensual Benefits or Caveats Intense, deep penetration

Details Leaning forward, the woman lies on edge of bed, resting on the hip and forearm while her partner enters her vagina from behind. The woman can keep her thighs together for a tighter hold on the penis. But if she opens her legs, the clitoris is exposed for stroking while man thrusts from behind. “You’re getting that deeper penetration like doggy style, but this may be an easier and more comfortable position,” says Bradbury.

Switch It Up Your partner can easily lean down to make out with you and the clitoris is in easy reach, according to Bradbury.

6. Side by Side or Sideways

Potential Sensual Benefits or Caveats Deep eye contact and intimacy

Details The man and woman lie on their sides, facing each other. The woman lifts her top leg so the man can insert his penis. She can then wrap the leg around his waist or across his leg. This position is great for morning sex when you might be a little sleepy, says Bradbury.

It offers a lot of intimacy because you are close to your partner’s face. The partners can kiss and caress each other during lovemaking. The sex position is relaxing, doesn’t require a lot of stamina from either person, and offers an opportunity for good clitoral stimulation.

Switch It Up Penetration can be improved if the woman drapes both her legs over her partner’s waist, Bradbury says. This allows great access to the clitoris, which can be stimulated with a finger or with a toy. “I think this is a great position for everyone. It offers the comfort of cuddling, too.”

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7. Flat Iron or Lazy Dog

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats Tightness on penetration, intense stimulation

Details The woman lies face down on the bed with legs straight and hips slightly raised. (You can place a pillow under your hips.) Her partner enters her vagina from behind. When on her stomach, the woman’s legs will be closer together, which in turn creates a snugger fit for her partner’s penis. This can lead to a new, more intense sensation. “This is a really good way to increase the experience of tightness for the penetrating partner,” Harris-Jackson says. “It’s also good for clitoral stimulation because the partner can reach around with his hand or a sex toy to provide dual stimulation. And, it’s a good position for G-spot stimulation because you’re angling the body so that the penis is in perfect alignment to stroke against the G-spot. ”

8. Face-Off

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats With intense eye contact and clitoral stimulation, this can be an enhanced missionary position

Details In this position, the man sits on edge of bed, or in a comfortable seated position, while the woman climbs onto his lap, face to face, wrapping her legs behind him. The woman can control the pace of thrusting. This position also allows for direct clitoral stimulation and eye contact, which can increase intimacy.

Bonus: Your hands are free and you can touch and caress your partner’s body nearly anywhere you would like. “This is a really impactful position for people who are aroused with eye contact,” says Harris-Jackson. “It’s like missionary, but you are really face to face. It also takes some of the work off the person with the vagina because her partner can move her up and down by placing his hands on her hips.

RELATED: Sex Drive and What Your Libido Says About Your Health

Switch It Up The Lotus position is very similar to face-off, only the partner with the penis sits crossed-legged on the bed or chair.

9. Pretzel Dip

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats Deep penetration with potential for G-spot stimulation

Details The woman lies on her right side as the man straddles her right leg. The man then pulls his partner’s left leg up and around his left side and enters vagina. This position allows deep penetration while also allowing the intimacy of maintaining eye contact.

Switch it Up “You can also take your left leg and pull it toward your chest to get a deeper angle,” says Bradbury. “And you have amazing access to the clitoris for both partners.” Your hands will be free, which can allow you to run them all over each other’s body. Adds Harris-Jackson: “This position — depending on your angle — can also offer G-spot stimulation as well.”

10. CAT or the Coital Alignment Technique

Potential Sensual Benefits and Caveats Clitoral stimulation

Details If you want to rock rather than thrust, roll with CAT. This position is similar to missionary; the main difference is that the man pushes the base of his penis so that it lines up with the clitoris and the two body parts make contact. Once they do, the couple rock back and forth and maintain constant contact. “It’s a little bit different way of having sex,” says Lehmiller. “You rock back and forth rather than thrusting. Doing so prolongs the length of intercourse for the man and increases the odds of a woman having an orgasm because she’s having that constant stimulation.”

Keep Switching It Up: Sexual Variety Is Exciting

In our day-to-day lives, we tend to be very goal-oriented, says Harris-Jackson. “We wake up in the morning and it’s go, go, go to get out the door; we go, go, go to eat our food, to go to work. It creates a lot of stress and tension in our bodies and in our minds. Many patients that I see feel that sex becomes one more thing that they have to go, go, go and do. But sexual partners should be really with one another and feel pleasure together. Switching up positions can be very helpful to rekindle that connection. So, it can be helpful and fun to try something new.”

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By Don Rauf

How to bring a woman to orgasm

18+

In addition to the G-spot, women have four more zones of pleasure.

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Helpful Hints

Sex

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Point A

Occurs in 11 percent of women do not reach the cervix. Right in front of it, you will find point A. Move your finger left and right along this zone, imitating the movements of a janitor on the windshield. Do you feel some kind of seal with a spongy surface with your finger? This means that you have not yet reached your destination, and this is point G that you met along the way. Remember this place, and then move a couple of centimeters deeper, to point A.

How to Wake Up: “The vagina only responds to pressure or movement, just getting to the right place and freezing in it will not be enough,” says sexologist Dr. Jennifer Berman with conviction and insistence. Proceed as follows: use lubrication, do not forget about a long foreplay, and then apply the “hook and pull” technique: reach point A with the pad of your finger, slightly press the “button” and slide your finger up to the entrance.

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O-spot

Occurs in eight percent of women

How to find: did you find her G-spot? It is done? Now turn your finger over, touch the opposite wall and move a little deeper until you feel a spongy area on the back wall of the vagina. Hello, this is point O. It is good both in itself and as a hint for the further development of relations.

How to Wake Up: When a girl is turned on, try the “hook and pull” technique on the O and G points at the same time. Fold the brushes back to each other so that one palm looks up and the other down. Then stick both index fingers into the vagina, so you can stimulate both the anterior and posterior walls of the vagina. They say it will end with an orgasm pretty quickly. A simpler option: rhythmically press the point O, as if stroking it.

Cervix

Sensitive in 7.5 percent of women

How to Find: With deep penetration, you can reach her cervix with your penis. “It feels like you’re hitting the cartilaginous tip of your nose,” sexologist Lisa Masterson from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center (Los Angeles) is not very romantic, but extremely specific. In most women, the cervix is ​​at a depth of 8.9-11.4 centimeters, but this lady is not yet excited. Keep in mind: when blood rushes to the genitals, the cervix moves even deeper into the body. But you can still reach it.

How to wake up: follow your friend’s monthly cycle: around the ovulation area (usually 13-16 days after the start of the last menstruation), stimulation of the cervix can be especially pleasant. Move around this area with one or two fingers, and when you touch the neck itself, gently and gently apply pressure. If your fingers are not long enough, you can use a vibrator with a wide head.

Pelvic floor muscles

12 percent of women use them to orgasm

How to find: Of course, you won’t be able to touch them, but you have seen them at work more than once: the convulsions in which a woman who has received pleasure beats are provided precisely by the contraction of these muscles. Note: A 2014 Brazilian study found that young women with strong pelvic floor muscles were more likely to reach orgasm. Why? If these muscles are in good shape, they can contract during sex without getting tired, pushing her to discharge. Help your girl train invisible muscles.

How to wake up: your partner probably already knows the most effective way – Kegel exercises. Diversify them. Buy a set of vaginal balls, these will be your exercise machines. Lubricate one, place it inside the partner’s vagina and see if she can keep the ball inside with the force of her muscles. Then add a second one. The balls not only excite but also strengthen her muscles and stimulate the G-spot.0003

How to make sex more enjoyable: try these 5 ideas

How to bring a girl to orgasm

18+

Sex blogger Arina Vintovkina decided to figure out what is the cause of this problem and how to overcome it.

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Sex

Orgasm

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The female orgasm is shy, like a canary, and painfully rarely visits us when we are in male company.

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“According to statistics, only 29 percent of women have an orgasm every time they have sex with their regular partner,” sexologist Valeria Aginskaya shares secret information. As for me, this fact alone is enough not to be too lazy to at least read this article to the end.

And it’s better, of course, to delve into and make sure that your partner joins the happy, guaranteed orgasmic 29 percent.

You are too fast

I suspect that you men have already been buzzing about the need for foreplay, and also about the fact that women do not particularly like “quick shooters”. But knowing your masculine craving for precise wording, perhaps this all sounds somehow … too vague. Well, get specific. “It takes an average of four minutes for a man to reach an orgasm during intimacy, from the first kiss to ejaculation,” comments Valeria Aginskaya, “women need 10–25 minutes.”

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In short, men, you just make yourself a notch: it’s almost never 10 minutes for everything about everything (undress, feel each other, dock the organs that are usually worn in shorts, and exercise a little). Therefore, you should not reduce everything over and over again to a sprint hookup before bed. In this situation, how to give a drink, only one member of the crew remains satisfied – you.

Want some advice? To be sure that you are following the correct timing that your partner will suit, multiply your own timing by five. Is three minutes of foreplay enough for your own eyes? Provide the girl with a 15-minute session of kisses and tenderness. If necessary, look at the clock in the process. It’s better than jumping into the saddle after 120 seconds of polishing the clitoris, and after another 120 seconds doing a light “Ouuuu”. That is why it is so important and necessary to expand the range and geography of caresses – in order to be able to “stretch” the foreplay a little longer, working out, in addition to the obligatory program “lips, breasts, clitoris”, also “arbitrary”, i.e. surrounding with care and attention other parts of the female body.

Positions in which women most often achieve orgasm:

28% Cowgirl

20% Missionary with legs raised

18% Missionary regular

900 02 16% Man behind

13 % “Missionary officer” – her legs on his shoulders

6% “Reverse rider”

Source: The Archives of Sexual Behavior magazine

The general inhibition of women in the issue of getting orgasms experts explain by the fact that girls, in principle, in life receive less than what is called “stimulus material” in the jargon of sexologists.

Unlike you guys, we think less about sex, masturbate less at work, watch porn less, and carry fewer outrageous pornographic scripts inside our beautiful heads. They say that this is somehow connected with the fact that we, girls, almost do not see our genitals – unlike men, who, during each trip to the toilet, have the good fortune to see their penis, which includes the corresponding associative series.

In short, we go through life knowing of course that sex exists. But it does not permeate our entire existence, thoughts and aspirations. “A relatively healthy and not old man is able to experience a rush of blood to the cavernous tissues just by looking at the tight ass of the waitress. For you, this is the norm. Situations when a girl’s panties get wet when looking at a stranger are rather an exception, ”Valeria notes.

You are able to go from something mundane like washing dishes straight to having sex and you can definitely finish. We women usually don’t. Well, more precisely, we can go. But everything that happens in bed, in terms of the degree of excitement, will most likely resemble a tram ride at rush hour: crowded, hot, shaking. We have little mechanical stimulation. We need a mood for sex. Therefore, if you want your partner to finish, there should be at least some temporary backlash between the “dishes” station and the “sex” station, when the girl thinks about sex at least for a moment and the lights on her “remote control” come to life and start blinking slightly . And the simplest and most correct thing in this case is to say: “Baby, I’ll sort out the dishes myself somehow. And by the way, a bubble bath and a glass of lambrusco are waiting for you.” By the way, there were cases when a girl who was not spoiled by a good attitude experienced an orgasm from this one phrase.

What else can help the case? Well, for example, joint viewing of porn or some more light erotic movie masterpieces. Exchange playful messages or spicy pics throughout the day. Discussing erotic fantasies – although any conversations that are allowed in your couple on sexual and near-sexual topics will do. In other words, it is necessary and important that this part of your life together become more convex, voluminous and not be reduced to silent swarming under the covers. Then, mark my word, things will immediately go smoothly.

Foreplay that effectively brings her to climax:

31% Breast caress

27% Finger clitoris stimulation

24% Oral genital stimulation

22% Stimulation of the entire vagina area with fingers

20% She caresses her own clitoris

11% “Dirty” talk

Source: The Archives of Sexual Behavior

You stimulate the clitoris incorrectly

In principle, we modern women should not complain. I recently came across an interesting article that talked about how long we were basically denied the existence of … the clitoris. How he was given all sorts of offensive nicknames and attributed strange functions. How it was considered fiction, pathology and a reason to burn a woman at the stake. Think and shudder: 19In 69, a man landed on the moon, in 1982 the Internet was invented, and only in 1998 did scientists figure out how the clitoris works!

So, according to the latest intelligence, that tiny bump is just the tip of the iceberg. “The clitoris has an inner part that wraps around the entire groin area and is comparable in size to the size of an average penis,” reports our sexologist. And the “legs” of the clitoris require the same, or even more attention than the tubercle itself. But I won’t digress.

Here is the main thing you need to know about the clitoral legs (besides the fact that they exist): it is, in fact, the same cavernous body, which, like the penis, is responsive to stimulation and filled with blood (and the better the blood supply, the inevitable orgasm). The legs of the clitoris “hug” the entrance to the vagina. And you can stimulate them if you massage, knead, lick and bite your partner’s labia, perineum and all surrounding areas.

Can the old fashioned way be limited to stimulation of only the visible part of the clitoris? Can. But don’t. Because the effect of rubbing the “bump” is about the same as if you were being procrastinated at the very tip of the head of the penis, but the penis itself was not touched. Would you cum from such a micro-impact?

Sleeping vagina

You have probably heard that the female vagina is equipped with a mass of sensitive points. In addition to the legendary G-spot, there is the A-spot (on the cervix; responsible for uterine orgasms), the U-spot (the urethral zone; plays the first fiddle in jet orgasms), and so on. There are really many places of pleasure. Only sense from them is zero if they are, in the terminology of sexologists, “unawakened.” “Of course, there is a chance that they will wake up by themselves: with age, after childbirth, in the process of active copulation,” notes Valeria, “but this chance, frankly, is small.” Therefore, most women walk around with a “sleeping” (moreover, lethargic sleep) vagina, and blow off the clitoris for everyone (which, as mentioned in the paragraph earlier, is not always correctly exploited). Not surprisingly, the rate of orgasms per capita of the female population is negligible.

The joke is that for a “wake-up” it is not at all enough to “feel” that very point once a month and rub it a little (which is also not always possible, since in a sleepy state the same G-spot is often weakly palpated). It would not be an exaggeration to say that this is generally a separate serious project. On average, in order for the “sleeping” point to wake up, it will take 7-10 days (!) of daily (!!!) exercises. And you will need not only time, strength, patience, but also, possibly, a vibrator.

Some men in principle do not know that the vagina needs to be “awakened”. Others are lazy. Others think that somehow she will wake up. Women could scribble orgasms, figuratively speaking, on powerful computers, and end up grinding them out on typewriters

Take, for example, the G-spot. You “accelerate” your partner in the usual way (i.e., clitoral stimulation), while simultaneously connecting the stimulation of the G zone with a vibrator of a suitable configuration. On the approaches to orgasm, you treacherously remove your finger from the clitoris so that the girl does not “roll out into an orgasm” by inertia. Give the subject a little (five seconds) to catch his breath and start the same rigmarole again (clitoris + G). And so three times in a session. Then you can let her finish.

In the following days of training, you try to remove your finger from her clitoris earlier and earlier, paying constant attention to the G-spot. “Your task is to “switch” orgasm from a developed and familiar area (clitoris) to a new zone (G-spot). And this happens due to the fact that, without receiving the desired discharge several times in a row, the woman’s brain begins to pay attention to alternative sources of pleasure, gradually “switching” to them, Valeria explains the essence of the procedure. – Keep in mind that it is wiser to plan a wake-up call for the period of a girl’s ovulation as the most orgasmic (from the 10th to the 14th day of the cycle; we count from the first day of menstruation).

What she feels at the moment of orgasm:

81% Complete loss of herself

78% Like a river is taking you away, swaying on waves

70% Exultation in the whole body

62% Out of breath

55% Feeling that I really want to write

43% Feeling of ejaculation

Source: The Archives of Sexual Behavior magazine

Ignorance of my own anatomy

I will now tell you a terrible secret: in of female anatomy, not only men, but and the women themselves. Theoretically, a curious and not lazy girl could independently explore and awaken her own sensitive areas. But these are really few. The vast majority have a fairly superficial idea even of what their personal vagina looks like!

A woman can live to an advanced age of 35, give birth to three children and change four husbands, but never once try to satisfy herself in a well-lit room and in front of a mirror in order to see in detail herself “there” and the metamorphoses that occur with her body in moment of orgasm.