How to effectively grieve the loss of a beloved pet. Understand the unique aspects of pet grief, address feelings of guilt, and explore ways to mourn and find comfort during this difficult time.

Understanding the Unique Nature of Pet Grief

Losing a pet can be a profoundly painful experience, often leaving a deep void in our lives. As the article highlights, the relationship we have with our pets is truly unique and irreplaceable. Attachment theory plays a crucial role in how we process this type of grief, as our pets become deeply integrated into our daily lives and sense of self.

Geipert, a marriage and family therapist, emphasizes that the specific reasons for the pain of losing a pet are unique to each individual. “There are things you feel about this cat, this dog, this bird, that no one else feels, which is true for all grief,” she explains. Our pets become an integral part of our routines, milestones, and coping mechanisms, making their absence all the more palpable.

Navigating Feelings of Guilt

One of the most challenging aspects of pet loss is the potential for feelings of guilt. When faced with the difficult decision to say goodbye, particularly when a pet is elderly or ill, we may question whether we made the right call. “Did I make the right decision?” or “What if they had more time?” are common thoughts that can plague us during this time.

The article suggests shifting our mindset to view euthanasia as an act of compassion when recommended by a veterinarian. Remember that your pet was likely in significant pain, and the decision to let them go was ultimately an expression of your love and desire to end their suffering.

Mourning and Finding Comfort

Grief is a highly personal and non-linear process, and the article emphasizes that there is no clear timeline for how long these feelings will last. It’s essential to find your own way of mourning and processing the loss of your pet, whether that involves crying freely, engaging in self-care activities, or seeking support from others who can relate.

Some suggested self-care activities include soaking in a warm bath, practicing yoga or meditation, journaling, and dedicating time to a hobby. Additionally, the article highlights the value of talking to someone who can empathize with your unique experience of pet grief, such as a therapist or support group.

Embracing the Memories and Celebrating Your Pet’s Life

While the loss of a pet can be devastating, the article encourages readers to embrace the memories and celebrate the life of their beloved companion. Each pet leaves an indelible mark on our lives, and honoring that connection can be a powerful part of the grieving process.

Whether it’s reminiscing about the adventures you shared, creating a memorial, or finding ways to honor your pet’s memory, these actions can help provide comfort and a sense of closure during this difficult time.

The Healing Power of Time and Self-Compassion

Ultimately, the article emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and patience as you navigate the grieving process. Grief is not a linear journey, and it’s essential to allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions without judgment.

Geipert’s advice to “cry whenever you feel like crying” and to recognize that “it’s going to take as long as it’s going to take” serves as a gentle reminder to honor your unique healing process and trust that, with time, the intensity of the grief will subside.

Building Resilience and Finding Meaning

While the loss of a pet can feel overwhelming, the article suggests that the grieving process can also be an opportunity for personal growth and resilience. By engaging in mourning practices, seeking support, and finding ways to celebrate your pet’s life, you can navigate this difficult experience and emerge with a deeper appreciation for the bond you shared.

The article’s exploration of the unique aspects of pet grief, the importance of self-compassion, and the healing power of time and remembrance provide a comprehensive framework for coping with the loss of a beloved companion. By acknowledging the depth of this experience and embracing the various ways to find comfort, readers can embark on a more meaningful journey through the grieving process.

Coping with the Loss of a Pet I Psych Central

Self-care, engaging in mourning practices, and talking to others who relate can help you through the process of grieving a pet.

Losing someone you love can feel devastating, and the same goes for the death of a cat, dog, or other types of pets.

I know because I’ve now experienced the loss of four beloved animals that were with me from the time they were babies until they took their last breaths.

The death of my cat, Marilyn, stands out the most. She was diagnosed with cancer in March 2017 and lived for several months under the treatment of a veterinary oncologist.

I often called Marilyn “adventure kitten.” I learned that there’s a community of adventure cats and their human companions. It’s a community Marilyn and I enjoyed being a part of.

She loved to go on trips and adventures. So she and I spent the remainder of her life hiking around Southern California.

When it was time to say goodbye, I just couldn’t take her back to the vet’s office. So I hired a mobile vet to come on one last hike with us. She passed peacefully in my arms while overlooking the city of Los Angeles.

Even though the vets assured me this was the right decision, it didn’t make it any less painful.

When I was reeling after the loss of Marilyn, a family member described the feeling of losing a pet as having the air sucked out of your home. That’s exactly how it felt for me.

“The specific reasons why it’s so painful to a particular person are unique to that person,” says Nadja Geipert, a marriage and family therapist at LA Family Therapy in Los Angeles. Geipert created her own pet grief toolbox to help clients.

“There are things you feel about this cat, this dog, this bird, that no one else feels, which is true for all grief,” She adds. “Your relationship is completely unique, and your pet is completely irreplaceable in its unique qualities.”

Each time I’ve loved and lost a pet, it’s felt like the end of a chapter in my life. Marilyn helped me cope with the loss of my childhood rabbit, Fluffy. She was also with me through my college years and the journey of starting my editorial career.

I found myself grieving Marilyn and the end of an era.

Attachment

Geipert explains that attachment theory also plays a role in how we process grief.

Our attachment style develops in early childhood and is largely based on interactions with primary caregivers. What we learn during early development forms our worldview and shapes the way we connect and relate to others.

“If we spend enough time [around] anyone or anything and there’s a bond, when it goes away it’s like somebody took your limbs away,” she says. “At some point, our brain processes things as if they’re actually part of us, like if you’re a tennis player, at some point your brain stops distinguishing between the racket and the arm.”

Guilt

When animals are older or very ill, we as caregivers are usually faced with the incredibly hard decision of when to say goodbye. This can lead to feelings of guilt. You might think “Did I make the right decision?” or “What if they had more time?”

If these feelings come up for you, it can be helpful to shift your mindset to view euthanasia under these circumstances as an act of compassion.

Remember that if your vet was recommending you say goodbye, your pet was most likely in a lot of pain, and it wasn’t going to get better.

Since we all feel and process grief in our own way, there’s no clear answer to how long these feelings will last for you.

You’ll probably notice more intense feelings immediately after the loss, but these generally lessen as time goes on.

“It’s going to take as long as it’s going to take,” says Geipert. It’s not a linear process, and that’s OK. Grief can come and go in waves.

During this time, it can help to find your own way of mourning and processing the death of a pet. Here are some tips.

Try to let yourself feel

You’ve experienced a loss, and it’s OK to let yourself feel all the feelings surrounding it.

“Cry whenever you feel like crying,” says Geipert. However, she recommends using your judgment on when and where that’s appropriate.

“Tears release stress hormones.” She adds that if you’re not a heavy crier, that’s OK too. “Everybody’s way is different.”

Try to practice self-compassion

Be good to yourself. Try to engage in some self-care activities as you’re going through the grieving process. You can do this by making some extra space for your regular self-care activities or trying something new that you think could feel restorative.

Take some time off from work if you need to.

Some self-care activities you can try at home are:

• soaking in a warm bath
• yoga
• meditation
• journaling
• taking time for a hobby

Consider talking with someone who can relate

“Talking about exactly how you feel is incredibly helpful in grief, which is why it’s helpful for people to go to therapy or find a support group,” says Geipert.

She recommends finding a way to talk about what and how you’re feeling. You can do that with others who have lost a pet, a therapist, or supportive friends and family.

I belonged to a disabled rabbit community and an adventure cat community online. The members were extremely supportive when I posted about losing a pet.

Try a mourning process

Societies and cultures throughout human history have engaged in mourning rituals to cope with emotional pain after a loss. Trying a ritual could also help you grieve after the death of a pet. You might try something familiar, such as having a memorial, or you could create your own practice.

I still light a yahrzeit candle (a Jewish tradition for honoring the anniversary of a loved one’s passing) on the anniversary of Marilyn’s death.

Geipert says she did an exercise that really helped after losing her cat. She wrote to him.

It’s an exercise she also recommends to clients.

“Write a thank-you card to your deceased pet,” Geipert says. “Talk about everything you’ll miss and what you’re most grateful for. Talk about what you regret. Say everything you want to say.”

Remove items at your own pace

Some people may want to get rid of their pet’s things quickly after a loss, and others may need to do it more gradually.

If it feels challenging to let go of your pet’s items, let yourself do it at a pace that feels good for you.

Remember that there’s no right or wrong way. This is your process.

Consider finding a way to memorialize your pet

A good way to honor the love you felt for your pet is to memorialize them. If you like to create, try writing, making a photo collage, or arranging a resting place for them inside or outside of your home.

If you’re not artistically inclined, there are online services that make art from a photo of your pet. You can also find beautiful ways to keep their remains (if you want to display them or wear them in a memorable piece of jewelry).

I have photos of Marilyn’s adventures around my apartment, and I talk about her often. Her adventure Instagram account is still live as a tribute to her journey.

I also had a large canvas print of Marilyn made for her oncologist’s office. Her doctor was very kind and told me she’d share Marilyn’s story with others; it was oddly comforting.

It’s never easy to lose a pet, but it is possible to find peace after loss and joy in the memories that live in your heart.

“If you’ve lost your [pet] and you’re completely heartbroken, know that that’s a sign of how mentally healthy you are,” says Geipert. “You have the capacity for deep love; it’s a good thing.”

She recommends reaching out to a therapist if you feel unable to process the pain after a loss.

“If you’re really getting stuck in something you’re feeling, going to therapy can help you get unstuck.”

You can also try online therapy or an online grief support group, if that’s a better fit for you.

20 Keys to Heal After the Loss of a Pet | by Humane Goods

9 min read

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Mar 10, 2019

Losing a pet is one of the hardest things you may have to go through. Most of us have a strong bond with our animals and when one passes, it feels like we have lost a family member. In fact, research has shown that losing a pet is just as hard as losing a family member.

While it may seem that there’s no way out of the despair and depression, there are some things you can do to get on the path of healing and back to being fully present in your day-to-day life. If you’ve experienced the loss of a beloved pet, here are 20 keys to help you recover and heal.

Grief is tough to handle. It may seem like the best way to cope is to try and resist it, ignore it, or allow yourself to just shut-down completely. However, repressing and ignoring the event will lead to even more painful feelings in the future.

It’s best to allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief which are denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Despite what other people may tell you, feeling shocked and sad is perfectly acceptable and normal feelings after the loss of a beloved pet.

Many times, pet owners will blame themselves for the loss of their pet. You may be thinking “If only I had gotten my cat to the vet sooner…” or “If only I had double checked the door was shut before my dog got out…” You should expect to feel guilty, however, don’t blame yourself for the loss.

If you feel guilty, try not to think about death as an event as a whole, but individual parts. If you break down what happened step-by-step, you’ll find that you were not responsible. If something could have been done to prevent the death, you would have done it.

Just like a family member, a pet deserves to be memorialized and honored. Setting up a memorial for a pet is a great way to remember the love they shared during their life and help bring some closure to their passing.

There are many things you can do for a memorial. If you need an idea, Humane Goods is proud to have created special Rainbow Bridge Memorial Wind Chimes seen below.

These chimes have a beautiful ring to them and help capture the essence of the beautiful Rainbow Bridge legend about pets that leave us.

You can learn more about them on Amazon.com here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07G2Q1R94

It’s essential to understand that healing and recovery is an individual process. There isn’t a specific amount of time you need to get over a loss. Some people, for instance, can resume normal activities within a week or two. For others, it may take months for the pain to lessen.

Understand that grieving shouldn’t be rushed and don’t get frustrated at yourself if you’re still mourning weeks or months after the event.

Losing a family dog, cat, fish, or another animal can be very painful for young children, especially if this is their first experience with loss. That’s why it’s essential to address the issue directly with them, as well as provide comfort.

Use simple, clear words to describe what happened and try to put their emotions into words. Acknowledge that it’s OK to feel sad and even help them set-up or participate in a memorial. For example, you can find a beautiful poem about the loss of a pet and read it together to help bring closure to the event.

Dealing with loss is a very stressful process both mentally and physically. The pain is often so intense that it may seem that you have no energy for your regular activities and work.

However, it’s important to be proactive with your stress and emotions. Schedule some time away from work and put aside any stressful activities after the loss of a pet.

Don’t be afraid to carry a reduced load for multiple days or weeks. Pushing through the painful feelings and “grinding” on will only negatively impact your work performance and health.

If you’re unsure how exactly your pet died, don’t be afraid to speak to your trusted veterinarian and have an autopsy done. Knowing what caused the death of your pet, be it from poisoning, illness, disease, or something else can help bring closure to the event.

Also, this can help prevent any future losses and protect your other pets if you understand what happened.

Don’t try to wrestle with your grief and negative emotions alone.

One of the best ways to heal after the loss of a pet is to speak to others about it. It may seem embarrassing at first, but the truth is almost everyone has experienced the hurt from a loss at some point or another.

Reach out to other pet owners who have gone through the same situation. They may be your friends, neighbors, or even strangers from online pet-loss groups.

People in your support network can help get your life back on track by giving advice or even doing small favors in your time of need.

Although we have already discussed the importance of accepting your pet’s fate and allowing yourself to grieve, continuously dwelling on your lost pet is not healthy.

Think of an activity, especially something outside your home that is fun to do. This can be something as simple as going on a bike ride, getting ice cream, or going bowling. You can do this with a friend, family member, or even alone.

Doing this can help take your mind off your pet for a while and get some endorphins flowing to help uplift your mood.

One of the best, scientifically proven ways to feel better and get healthier is to exercise.

When you start exercising, your brain releases something called Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, or BDNF which helps you feel at ease make makes things mentally clearer.

Your brain also releases endorphins, a chemical known to fight stress and lift your spirits.

The best part is, you don’t need to run a marathon or participate in a triathlon to get the benefits of endorphins and BDNF. A brisk walk can do wonders to lift your mood and help you start feeling better.

Chances are, your normal routine will become disrupted after the loss of your pet. This includes what and when you typically eat. When you usually would have prepared a healthy dinner, you might instead grab some fast food because you’re feeling tired and down.

Although the last thing you want to think about is eating healthy, according to many therapists this is the most important time to eat regular, nutritional foods filled with vitamins and minerals.

Eating on a regular schedule can help stabilize your mood, and eating a nutritious, balanced meal will give your body the energy it needs to mentally and physically deal with the situation at hand.

Most people report very disrupted sleep after the loss of a pet. Tossing and turning all night won’t help the situation and will only make you feel worse the day after.

Although you may have trouble falling and staying asleep after the loss of a pet, there are a few things you can do.

Make sure your bedroom is very dark without any lights to disrupt your sleep.
Turn down the temperature so the room is very cool as this improves sleep.
Avoid any blue light caused by computer and phone screens a few hours before bed.
Avoid caffeine or alcohol a few hours before bed.

After a traumatic event, it’s only natural for your head to be spinning and filled with stressful thoughts. That’s why you should consider taking up a calming practice such as meditation or listening to peaceful music.

Not only have countless studies shown the health benefits of meditation, but it will help put your mind at ease and may lessen the degree of sad, confusing, and hurtful thoughts that rush into your mind throughout the day.

Just because you lost one pet, doesn’t mean you should neglect or forget about your other pets.

Many people who own multiple pets have realized that after one passes, the other pets are emotionally affected as well. Not only should you make sure to keep up with their usual care routine, but consider spending some extra time with them. You both will benefit and help each other cope with the loss.

Sometimes when confronted with emotional turmoil, people may overreact and make poor decisions.

After your pet passes, you should refrain from making any important life decisions while experiencing emotional stress. This includes things like job changes, moving away or saying something to a friend or colleague you may later regret.

If you feel compelled to make significant life-changing decisions, it would be wise to consult with a therapist or trusted family member first.

Sometimes our habits, routines, and patterns can make it hard to overcome the loss of a pet.

For example, if every day at 12 pm you walked your dog, when 12 pm comes around you’ll be reminded of their passing. If you still have your pets water dishes, beds, or pet toys around the house, just seeing these can trigger painful memories.

That’s why it’s essential to establish new routines and habits. These are not meant to help forget your pet, but instead help yourself continue living a healthy, meaningful life.

Steps you can take include donating your pets paraphernalia to other animals that may need it such as to a local shelter. You can pick new activities to do in place of the ones you usually did with your pet.

Unfortunately, many people wrongly assume adopting a new, similar pet will help ease the pain and help them get back to their normal routine.

However, it’s important to realize that every pet is unique and irreplaceable. Rushing out to replace your pet will only mask the hurt on top of the stress a new animal brings.

Take some time to acknowledge, grieve, and reflect on your lost pet before adopting a new one.

Everyone has their timetable to deal with grief, but if you feel it is significantly interfering with your ability to function, consider seeing a professional therapist or doctor.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking a therapist for losing a loved one is a traumatic and stressful event for anyone.

Also, if you don’t have any friends or family you can talk to about your loss, talking to a therapist is a great idea.

If your pet was close to you, you’ll never be able to forget about them. However, you can influence how you choose to remember them.

Some people only remember the loss, hurt, and anger while others remember the fun, loving, and happy times.

To help remember and preserve the memories of the wonderful times you had together, take some time to reflect on the good moments you shared. Then, when you think view your pet’s memorial or think about them you’ll remember the good times you shared.

Your pet was one of a kind and can never be replaced. However, just because the loss of your pet was painful, doesn’t mean should never adopt another pet again.

In fact, after speaking with many people who have lost a pet, they commented that one of the best ways to help move on was to honor the lost pet’s memory by adopting a new pet in need.

The truth is, there are millions of homeless cats and dogs that will be put down this year simply because they can’t find a home.

When the healing is done, adopting another from a homeless shelter may be a winning situation for all.

How to survive the death of a pet – we will tell in our article

The realization that the last days of a furry friend’s life are coming is one of the most difficult periods for the owner. Whether your pet is dying of old age or has been diagnosed with an incurable disease, it is important to surround the dog with love, attention and care, to minimize any discomfort and brighten up the remaining days of his life.

As a pet’s health declines and its condition worsens, the owner is faced with a difficult choice: care for the animal to its last breath or put an end to its torment by euthanasia. It is very difficult to let go of your friend, but in this situation you cannot give in to emotions and think only about your feelings, it is important to realize how physically difficult it is for a dog in its last days.

It takes tremendous courage to take on this last responsibility and at the same time the responsibility for a beloved pet that has given unconditional love and caress for so many years.

Before making a decision, you should consult with your veterinarian about alternative methods of relieving your pet’s pain and suffering. Do not blame the problem only on your shoulders, share it with your friends, your family and find the only right solution for the current situation. The bitter truth is that if your pet is terminally ill and suffering, then he will most likely die in agony.

About Euthanasia for Animals

Every pet owner hopes that a dying pet will be treated lightly, ideally in their sleep. Animal euthanasia provides a painless humane death by intravenous injection of a special substance. During the procedure, the veterinarian will inject the pet with a sedative. The animal will not feel anything, the process is similar to the introduction of anesthesia and takes less than half a minute.

You can call the veterinarian for the procedure at home or take the dog to the clinic. To be present at the very moment of injection next to the animal or not, everyone decides for himself. If it is very difficult emotionally to watch your beloved pet leave before your eyes, you can say goodbye to him and wait in the next room.

Do not under any circumstances show your emotions to the dog, because for him this is an ordinary trip with the owner, and he does not know that you will have to return back alone.

How to cope with the loss of a pet?

Everyone handles the loss of a beloved animal differently: some come to their senses faster, others have to get out of a protracted depression. It is important to remember that your feelings are completely normal. Grief and anger are natural responses to the death of a pet. Do not blame yourself for helping the animal get rid of pain and suffering. Performing an act of mercy, do not reproach yourself for it.

Relief of mental suffering will come, every day the pain becomes less. There are no universal tips to help cope with the feeling of loss, but you can try to ease the mental anguish.

1. Fill the void

You got up early every morning to walk the dog, spent a lot of time with him. Find something serious to do during this time: you can go jogging in the park, go to the gym, enroll in a dance school, get an extra job. This will help you relax.

2. Remember death

While you mourn your pet, life passes by, you do not notice the joyful events around. Death is a natural part of existence and no one is immune from it. It is not known how much is given to each, and it is not worth wasting time on grief.

3. Talk about your feelings

Do not keep emotions in yourself, tell relatives and friends about your feelings. No need to try to seem stronger, give vent to your pain. If there is no one to talk to, write a letter to your departed friend, on paper you can express everything that has accumulated in your soul.

4. Preserve Memories

Put bowls, toys, bedding, photos of a dog in a box and put away in a back corner. Someday you will be ready to take it out and indulge in pleasant memories with a little tinge of sadness.

5. Get a new pet

In the early days of grief, you can’t even think about replacing your beloved friend. This step should not be regarded as a betrayal. Just give your soft fluffy ball some love and care. With this, you can fill a giant hole in your life.

How to bury a pet?

In large cities there are specially designated places for the burial of pets, you can even set up a small monument. There is nothing unnatural in this, in civilized countries such a service has existed for a very long time. It’s not normal just to wrap the corpse of a pet in a bag and throw it into the nearest trash can.

You can cremate an animal and bury an urn with ashes. If you live in an area where such services are not provided, you must remember that it is forbidden by law to bury animals within the boundaries of settlements.

If the depression associated with the loss of a pet has been prolonged and the pain of loss does not decrease over time, you can seek support from a specialist.

Always remember that there are a lot of living creatures in the world who need your care and affection, and it is they who will help you survive loneliness.

advice and recommendations from veterinarians

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In this article we will touch on a difficult question. How to deal with the loss of an animal?

August 20, 2020

Losing pets is hard. We live with them a lot of emotions, they become our true friends, family members, we care about them and love them. A strong bond is formed between man and animal. This is why the loss of a pet is so hard.

Below we will tell you about the stages of living with grief, so that you understand what happens to a person in the process of loss and advise on how to survive the loss yourself or help another.

Stages of grief:

Shock. A state of numbness, lack of reaction to strong stimuli (they shout at you, but you do not hear), lack of emotional reactions.

⠀• At this stage, all you can do for yourself or for another is to be near or in contact with yourself. After a while, the owner of the pet will come to his senses, and the presence of someone who can help will be important to him. The result of living this stage is the recognition of what happened: this could really happen. It will take a long time before the full acceptance of the fact of death.

Negation. “This couldn’t happen.”

At this stage, you will be waiting for the pet to come running to the door when you get home. You can habitually put food in his bowl or go to the cage to pet the rodent. If the animal died in the clinic, you will wait for the doctor’s call that the pet has woken up. But every time you will face the inevitable reality – the pet is no more.

• From now on, it is important to support yourself: cry, scream, experience emotions and feelings as you feel comfortable. You need a lot of energy and strength to live through the loss, give them to yourself. Be attentive to the environment: if they say “this is nonsense, just a hamster, we will buy a new cat”, etc. better limit communication with these people for a while. That kind of support won’t help.

• If you want to support a loved one at the time of the loss of an animal, just be there. Speak out the person’s emotions (yes, you are in unbearable pain right now), provide a supportive environment.

Most importantly, do not devalue feelings and do not offer to “make sure” of death (look, he died), so you will not do better.

Aggression.

⠀ At this stage, in addition to grief, pain and sadness, anger also appears: At oneself, doctors, relatives and anyone who was involved in the life of an animal. It is important to remember that this anger is not real. More often than not, we cannot pinpoint who is responsible for the death of an animal (yes, there are exceptions). This anger is about general anger at the situation, at injustice. It’s about your pain and despair.

⠀• Help yourself to be angry. But remember that looking for someone to blame will lead to nothing but quarrels. And if you help another to survive the loss, contain his anger: “Yes, you are angry now, I understand you, I am near and hear everything.”

Depression.

This stage is characterized by unemotional living. When there is no more strength to cry, get angry, scream. You simply exist. But inside you are still hurt and sad.

⠀• It is important to live this state and stay in it. Don’t rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need.

Adoption.

Acceptance and awareness of the fact that the pet is no more. Getting used to a new life without him. At this stage, you will already be able to remember your pet without much pain. You will have bright memories of a friend, of those pleasant feelings that you experienced while living together.

Things to remember:

We can overcome grief.

Give yourself time.

Your experiences are important.

⠀ If you can’t cope on your own, seek help from a specialist, this is a normal practice. you will not be judged.

Do not forget about sleep, food and physical activity.

Support the body so that you have the strength to support yourself.

To help everyone who is faced with the loss of a pet, there is a wonderful children’s book “Farewell, Mr. Muffin.” Even if you are an adult, or you need to tell a child about the death of an animal, this book will help you find the right words or give you a little support in coping with grief.