How to give a female an orgasm: How to Make a Woman Orgasm: Advice From Sex Therapists

01.02.202316.07.2023 by alexxlab

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How to Make a Woman Orgasm: Advice From Sex Therapists

Set the mood by dimming the lights, giving each other massages to relax, or lighting candles.
To give someone a clitoral orgasm, be sure to stimulate the entire area and ask your partner what they like.
To give someone a vaginal orgasm, try positions like doggy style and cowgirl to stimulate the G-spot.

Making someone with a vulva orgasm can be tricky. While 95% of heterosexual men report that they always or usually orgasm from sex, only 65% of heterosexual women say the same.

Furthermore, it’s estimated that just about 18% of women say penetration alone is enough to have an orgasm, and that about 37% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.

Needless to say, people with vulvas need some extra TLC and special attention to erogenous zones in order to become fully aroused, feel pleasure, and ultimately, have an orgasm.

Here are some sex therapist approved tips for giving someone with a vulva an orgasm.

Set the mood

Before diving right into sexual activity, it can help to set the mood. Compared to people with penises, vulva owners tend to need more time to build arousal, says Sari Cooper, LCSW, certified sex therapist and founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex.

You can set the mood by tapping into your partners’ senses, depending on their personal preferences. For example, Cooper says you may try:

Having you and/or your partner slip into something sexy
Dimming the lights in a romantic way
Lighting candles or incense for pleasurable scents
Giving each other erotic massages to relax the body

These are steps you can take to not only help your partner get turned on, but also to help them relax, which is essential for having a great orgasm. As always, communication is key. Listen carefully to what your partner says so that you can cultivate an environment and experience that’s sexy to them.

How to give someone a clitoral orgasm

Clitoral stimulation is key for many people with vulvas. Here are four tips for giving someone a clitoral orgasm.

1. Ask your partner what they like

The clitoris is very nerve-dense and incredibly sensitive, says Jordan Rullo, PhD, certified sex therapist with women’s health app Flo.

Due to its sensitivity, some people may prefer indirect clitoral stimulation instead of direct stimulation.

Everyone’s different, so communicating with your partner and asking them what they like can save you some trouble and result in more pleasure for them.

“If they don’t know, try circular rubbing on the clitoris and near the clitoris, all along asking your partner how it feels or using their non-verbal cues to guide your movements,” says Rullo.

If you aren’t getting a lot of obvious signs that your partner is feeling good, you can ask one-word easy questions to keep the vibe going, Cooper says. For example, she says you can ask:

More?
Circles?
Strokes?
Softer?

2. Stimulate the entire clitoris

The clitoris is more than just the external pea-sized bump at the top of the vaginal lips — there are also the bulbs of the clitoris, comprised of erectile tissue, which can actually be stimulated through the labia, says Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast.

To do this, O’Reilly says you can cup your hand around their lips, resting your hand on the pelvic mound, and then pulse, rub, or grind in this area. Or, you can use a vibrating toy across the entire length of the lips.

3. Give oral sex

For many people, oral sex can be a surefire path to pleasure and orgasm, says O’Reilly. When giving oral sex, O’Reilly recommends trying out these tips:

Lick around the thighs first to build anticipation
Stick your tongue out and press it against their lips, moving your head slowly back and forth like you’re shaking your head “no”
Use your thumb to rub the clitoris while using your mouth lower on the vagina
Experiment with different pressure and intensities
Follow the rhythm of their hips
Look up at them and make eye contact
Tell them how much you love going down on them

4.

Use sex toys

Incorporating sex toys in the bedroom is a great way to bring some new excitement into sex as well as increase likelihood of orgasm.

Cooper says you can ask your partner to show you how they like to use toys themselves so you get to learn what they like, and from there, you can follow their lead or add in some of your own moves.

Typical vibrators are great, or your partner may prefer a newer type of toy that creates suction and uses air for different types of sensations.

Best sex toys

Alyssa Powell/Business Insider

If you are looking to incorporate toys in the bedroom but aren’t sure where to start, check out our guide to the best sex toys.

Best vibrator for couples involving females: We-Vibe Tango X – See at We-Vibe
Best budget vibrator: Vibe – See at Maude
Best butt plug: Anal Training Kit & Education Set – See at B-Vibe

How to give someone a vaginal orgasm

When people talk about vaginal orgasms, they’re typically referring to G-spot orgasms. The G-spot is an erogenous zone that’s about two inches deep into the vagina, on its front wall. It’s believed that G-spot orgasms occur because it’s actually the internal parts of the clitoris being stimulated. Here are four tips for giving someone this type of orgasm.

1. Be sure they’re warmed up

If someone’s going to have a vaginal orgasm, it’s more likely to occur if they’ve had a clitoral orgasm first, Cooper says. So, you may want to use the above tips for clitoral orgasm before moving internally. Additionally, O’Reilly suggests only going for G-spot stimulation once someone is highly aroused to make the experience more comfortable and pleasurable in general.

2. Use your fingers

To stimulate the G-spot manually, insert a finger and feel for a sponge-like area, and then do a “come hither” motion with your finger to stimulate the area, starting off slowly and then eventually going faster and using more pressure, says Rullo.

Additionally, you can add another finger if your partner would like. Be sure to follow along with verbal and non-verbal cues to see what feels good for them, and don’t hesitate to ask for feedback so you know what they really want.

3. Find the right positions

If you move on to penetrative sex, whether with a penis or a strap-on, Cooper says to aim for positions that make the G-spot easier to access. You can also try positions that put your partner in control, so that they can angle themselves to be hitting their G-spot and control the depth and intensity. A few positions great for G-spot orgasms are:

Missionary (place a pillow or wedge under their hips to get a better angle)
Doggy style
Cowgirl

4. Use sex toys

There are plenty of sex toys to choose from that are meant for the G-spot. Additionally, Cooper says you can opt for toys such as rabbit vibrators which will stimulate both the G-spot and the clitoris, which gives your partner the opportunity for a blended orgasm, and an increased chance at giving them an orgasm in general.

Insider’s takeaway

These tips are a great place to start if you’re looking to pleasure your partner with a vulva, but don’t forget to learn what your partner specifically likes so you have the best chance of pleasing them and giving them an orgasm. “Everybody is different, so communicate with your partners to find out what they like and keep an open mind. Explore for pleasure rather than touching to create one specific outcome,” says O’Reilly.

Ashley Laderer

Ashley Laderer is a freelance writer from New York who specializes in health and wellness. Follow her on Twitter @ashladerer

How to Give A Woman an Orgasm – Promescent

How Female Arousal Works | Tips to Make Her Orgasm | Pro Tips for Better Orgasms | Takeaways

You’re looking to please your female partner during sex, so you Google: “how to make a girl orgasm. “

Congratulations—you’ve just stepped into a rabbit hole of female orgasm information.

Some of what you read on other blogs may be the truth, but much of what you stumble across will be fiction.

It’s really no wonder guys are bumbling and fumbling in the bedroom, trying desperately to get it right and just having no luck.

In fact, studies have shown that only six percent of women always have an orgasm during sex, and the numbers have seemed to be on a decline since 1999.

Blame it on an overload of internet information, blame it on pornography, or blame it on what you will.

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Fact is, if you really want to know how to give her an orgasm, you have to get your ego in check, realize there may be a lot to learn outside of “educational” porn clips, and settle in for an informative experience—don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Why can’t I seem to find her G-Spot?

The G-spot is located just inside the front wall of the vagina and can be very difficult to find if she is not aroused. Once aroused, her urethral sponge or G-Spot will become swollen as blood rushes to it, making it much easier to locate.

What are the signs of female arousal?

There are several indicators that a woman is aroused, ranging from increased wetness, erect nipples, dilated pupils, and increased pulse, just to name a few.

What triggers female arousal?

Sight, smell, touch, communication… the list goes on, but Promescent makes a female arousal spray that is sure to help get things started.

Can all women have a G-Spot orgasm?

Studies show that some women can find G-spot stimulation irritating. In contrast, others do not experience any pleasure from G-Spot stimulation during certain times of their monthly cycle. So, you may want to try at different times during the month to see if she is more sensitive to stimulation at different times of her cycle.

Techniques to Give Her Better Orgasms

1. Try a Delay Spray to Last Longer

About one in three men experience premature ejaculation, and some men deal with the issue on a regular basis.

The problem is, it can take women longer to reach orgasm than men already, so premature ejaculation issues can make it even harder to help her get over the threshold when you’ve already finished.

If you consistently hit your climax point and the refractory period before she gets anywhere near the big bang, it may be wise to dry a delay spray to help you last longer in bed.

The average point of climax for a female is more than 13 minutes.

For example, Promescent Delay Spray for Men is applied to the most sensitive parts of your penis just before sex to help you slow down the process just enough to put you on an even keel with your female partner.

2. Learn How to Be Better at Foreplay

Women are more likely to need a little encouragement before their body starts to respond, which means foreplay is a huge factor in delivering better orgasms and maybe even delivering orgasms at all.

Foreplay is the warm-up phase for a female. This warm-up period builds anticipation, encourages blood flow to her lady parts, and triggers natural lubrication.

And, there is a direct link between foreplay and the intensity or satisfaction with her orgasm.

So, unless she seems all about a heat-of-the-moment throwdown, don’t skip it.

Foreplay tips for men to use on a woman are relatively abundant, and even injecting just a few tricks can really make a difference in her ability to climax either before or during intercourse.

The top three tips to remember about foreplay:

Don’t rush it and don’t act like it’s just some obligatory act you’re being forced to do. Let her see you enjoy the process just as much as she does.
Start foreplay outside of the bedroom by stimulating her emotionally and mentally. Tell her how sexy she is, whisper something seductive in her ear, do something to take some stress out of her day.
Be gentle and start slow. Don’t just dive all in with your fingers and expect her to respond. Caress her, rub her, massage her, kiss her.

3. Mind Your Exercise and Diet

Yes, really.

BUT, if you really want to give her a better orgasm, getting in shape and increasing your stamina can be a REALLY big deal. Here are a few thoughts to explain why:

You overloaded on pizza and beer, and then you try to have sex with a bloated gut, making it harder to grind against her clitoris during penetration.
You’ve been slacking in the workout/diet department, gained some pounds, and lost some strength. She wants to try a new position to help her orgasm, but you’re too out of shape to oblige.
You’ve followed a diet of caffeine and junk for weeks. She’s slow to reach orgasm, and you just don’t have the stamina to get her there.

4. Get the Conversation Started and Keep On Talking

Verbalizing about sex doesn’t come naturally for everyone, but the more you can talk, exchange ideas, and give guidance in the bedroom, the more equipped you both will be to please each other.

It doesn’t hurt to ask her what she likes, what really gets her to her breaking point, and even how she gets herself off when playing solo.

You may be amazed at what you learn and just how you’ve been doing it all wrong.

Once you’ve started talking about how to give her an orgasm, keep the communication lines flowing even when you make it to the bedroom.

Don’t be afraid to:

Ask her if she likes it when you rub her this way
Ask her if you’re hitting her G-spot
Ask her if she wants a new position to help her finish

All this sexy talk isn’t all about getting guidance; it can also be a highly arousing exchange for both of you.

5. Don’t Shy Away from Sex Toys

Ladies often reach for vibrators and other sex toys for some solo play, but there is nothing wrong with bringing them into the equation when it’s the two of you.

If she’s having a harder time getting there with just your stimulation alone (or if you just want to have fun), consider picking out some toys.

The sex toy lineup out there these days is all-out impressive.

Wands meant to directly hit the G-spot, strap-in-place vibrators for ongoing clitoral stimulation, and even cock rings that have fancy protruding ticklers on top that wriggle and gyrate for her C-spot—the list could go on forever.

Make a game of picking out a toy you both want to try, and give it a go. You may find all-new ways to cause a female orgasm in the process.

6. Pick the Sexual Positions Most Apt to Encourage Orgasm

If you’re shooting to make her orgasm in a certain way, taking advantage of certain positions can really help. Check out our guide on sex positions to last longer.

For example:

Missionary (you on top) can be good for clitoral orgasms because you can grind right against her clitoral area
Cowgirl (her on top) can be great for G-spot orgasms but also allows her to control pressure on her clitoral area for orgasmic control there too
Rear-Entry (doggy style) can be an awesome way to hit her G-spot

7.

Use Lube for Frictionless Pleasure

When a female gets aroused, her body produces a natural lube, and she can create an abundance of it most of the time.

This lube keeps her vaginal opening and clitoris wet so there is no friction during play and intercourse and she can enjoy stimulation more and reach orgasm easier.

It is perfectly normal for the amount of natural lube for females to be lacking sometimes, so you may need a little help to deter friction at times.

Pick a high-quality lube like this premium organic lube from Promescent, which is pH-balanced and safe with condoms.

The Female Anatomy and Arousal Process Explained

Basically, most women can have two types of orgasms with the proper stimulation: an internal (vaginal) orgasm that usually happens during some type of penetration and an external clitoral (C-spot) orgasm.

To better understand the female orgasm, you have to first get familiar with two hot spots of the female anatomy.

The G-spot

No doubt you’ve heard about it, you may have tried to find it, and it is a little elusive in the eyes of most men.

The G-spot is one of the most sensitive internal parts of the female anatomy and is suspected to play a role in the vaginal orgasm.

But, where is it?

What does it feel like?

Where can you find it?

You shouldn’t feel bad if you have a hard time pinpointing the G-spot. The targeted “spot” can vary depending on the woman and her personal anatomy.

G-spot is short for the Gräfenberg spot.

Most often, the spot is located no more than four inches inside the vaginal opening. The spot is actually facing her spinal column.

You may find it by using one or two fingers, palm up, and stroking in a “come-hither” motion.

Some say the spot feels a bit like a walnut because the skin is slightly tougher and maybe a bit wrinkly. However, your biggest indicator that you’ve found it is her reaction.

In fact, she can probably do a good job of pointing you in the right direction, so don’t be afraid to ask.

The C-Spot

The C-spot is just a fancy way to refer to the clitoris, and any man learning how to give her an orgasm must get really educated about this part of the female anatomy.

The clitoris is actually a wishbone-shaped area located above the vaginal opening.

Literally, thousands of nerve-endings make up the clitoral area, and the apex of the C-spot is the tiny pearl of flesh located just under the clitoral hood.

More women actually experience a clitoral orgasm than a vaginal orgasm, and it doesn’t always happen during sexual intercourse.