11 Steps To Make A Woman Orgasm (The Basics & Beyond)

1.

It’d be nice to have one go-to method to make every girl you ever sleep with have an orgasm, but the truth is, no two women are exactly alike in terms of how they want to be touched.

“Every single body is different and wants different things. Intimacy is built on learning your partner’s turn-ons and their preferred methods of stimulation,” sexologist and certified sex coach Gigi Engle tells mbg.

You’re not a mind reader. Open, clear communication about consent, what feels good, and what doesn’t is essential to pleasurable sex that leads to orgasm.

When asking your partner about her sexual desires and needs, make sure to really listen to the answers so you can create the ultimate experience for her. 

2.

“Female orgasms are closely tied to mental and relational factors,” says Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for Adam & Eve. This means many women often need to be in the right mindset with a person who makes her feel comfortable to be able to surrender herself to an orgasm. 

Establishing a strong connection, spending time nurturing your romantic connection, or even just sexting throughout the day can help to build excitement for what’s to come—literally!

When you’re together IRL and starting to transition into sex, be mindful and make sure she’s really turned on, totally game, and ready to play.

If she’s into the idea of having sex but still is having trouble relaxing and getting in the mood, AASECT-certified sexuality therapist Rose Hartzell, Ph.D., Ed.S., suggests reading erotica and lighting candles to help her get into that sexy mindset. 

RELATED: 24 Types Of Orgasms & How To Try Each One

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3.

Be careful to pace yourself and avoid rushing into penetration, no matter how turned on you are. “Time to orgasm is directly connected to the mindset and the arousal buildup,” says Skyler. Take your time building anticipation by kissing, making out, and exploring her body and mind.

4.

Some women can orgasm through erogenous zone stimulation only. Spending 10 to 20 minutes on nongenital body parts will help a woman get more aroused and have a better chance at optimum pleasure, says Skyler.

Prior to direct genital contact, try kissing, teasing, and caressing her neck, ears, breasts, nipples, and inner thighs. Everybody has different preferences, though, so always be sure to ask your partner what she likes.

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5.

“Only 25% of those with a vulva can have an orgasm with penetration alone,” adds Skyler. If you have a penis, recognize that penetration might be what gets you to have an orgasm—but most likely, it’s not how she’s going to have one.

If you want women to enjoy having sex with you, you’ll need to relinquish the idea that it’s all about penetration and that everything else is “foreplay.” Some 75% of vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm—so consider that her main act.

6.

Stimulating the clitoris is key to how to make a girl orgasm. The average woman needs this for about 20 minutes in order to climax, says Engle. Once clitoral contact is made, she recommends following the three S’s—slow, subtle, soft—and letting your partner guide you faster and harder if/when she’s ready.

Use your fingers, tongue, a vibrator, or pressure on her clit. This can be done while penetrating inside her vagina, but recognize that the external stimulation is more important.

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7.

According to Hartzell, woman on top is the best PiV sex position to maximize clitoral stimulation (especially if she touches herself while riding you), whereas deeper penetration via woman straddling or man penetrating while she’s lying down with her legs in the air can promote a strong cervical orgasm.  

8.

Hartzell likes to refer to sex toys as the “hearing aid for the clitoris” because vibrators can help speed the process along and provide more intense orgasms that manual or oral stimulation may not offer. Experiment with different types of pleasure products and sensations before, during, or after penetrative sex to stimulate the clitoris and inspire maximum pleasure (and perhaps even multiple orgasms).

RELATED: 9 Best Sex Toys For Women: Full Guide For 2022

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9.

She may naturally lubricate when turned on to become “wet,” but it’s usually a good idea to use a high-quality intimate lubricant product as well, especially if you’re going to be penetrating her.

If and when her natural lubricant wears off (which is normal, no matter how turned on someone is), lube will help avoid tears and reduce friction, allowing her to continue enjoying the experience.

Communication is another form of good lube, Engle reminds, so keep the conversation going during the experience to help guide her to orgasm as smoothly and comfortably as possible.

10.

“Some women can obtain a very intense orgasm through edging, which includes almost bringing themselves to orgasm before backing off and bringing them back to orgasm again,” adds Hartzell. “This type of teasing can be very stimulating.”

11.

Orgasms are great, and it’s great that you care about your partner having fun during sex! However, Skyler warns that when we overemphasize orgasm, we can actually put too much pressure on both the giver and receiver and ultimately sabotage the whole experience.

Rather than putting it front and center as the main goal, she suggests relaxing and focusing on pleasure instead. “When we do this, the orgasm emerges as a surprising and delightful byproduct,” she says.

So when your partner finally gets from Point A to Destination O, the process will have been an enjoyable ride for everyone involved.

How to Make a Woman Orgasm: Advice From Sex Therapists

• Set the mood by dimming the lights, giving each other massages to relax, or lighting candles.
• To give someone a clitoral orgasm, be sure to stimulate the entire area and ask your partner what they like.
• To give someone a vaginal orgasm, try positions like doggy style and cowgirl to stimulate the G-spot.

Making someone with a vulva orgasm can be tricky. While 95% of heterosexual men report that they always or usually orgasm from sex, only 65% of heterosexual women say the same. 

Furthermore, it’s estimated that just about 18% of women say penetration alone is enough to have an orgasm, and that about 37% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. 

Needless to say, people with vulvas need some extra TLC and special attention to erogenous zones in order to become fully aroused, feel pleasure, and ultimately, have an orgasm.  

Here are some sex therapist approved tips for giving someone with a vulva an orgasm.

Set the mood

Before diving right into sexual activity, it can help to set the mood. Compared to people with penises, vulva owners tend to need more time to build arousal, says Sari Cooper, LCSW, certified sex therapist and founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex. 

You can set the mood by tapping into your partners’ senses, depending on their personal preferences. For example, Cooper says you may try:

• Having you and/or your partner slip into something sexy
• Dimming the lights in a romantic way
• Lighting candles or incense for pleasurable scents
• Giving each other erotic massages to relax the body 

These are steps you can take to not only help your partner get turned on, but also to help them relax, which is essential for having a great orgasm. As always, communication is key. Listen carefully to what your partner says so that you can cultivate an environment and experience that’s sexy to them.

How to give someone a clitoral orgasm

Clitoral stimulation is key for many people with vulvas. Here are four tips for giving someone a clitoral orgasm. 

1. Ask your partner what they like

The clitoris is very nerve-dense and incredibly sensitive, says Jordan Rullo, PhD, certified sex therapist with women’s health app Flo. 

Due to its sensitivity, some people may prefer indirect clitoral stimulation instead of direct stimulation. 

Everyone’s different, so communicating with your partner and asking them what they like can save you some trouble and result in more pleasure for them.

 “If they don’t know, try circular rubbing on the clitoris and near the clitoris, all along asking your partner how it feels or using their non-verbal cues to guide your movements,” says Rullo.

If you aren’t getting a lot of obvious signs that your partner is feeling good, you can ask one-word easy questions to keep the vibe going, Cooper says. For example, she says you can ask: 

• More?
• Circles?
• Strokes?
• Softer?

2. Stimulate the entire clitoris

The clitoris is more than just the external pea-sized bump at the top of the vaginal lips — there are also the bulbs of the clitoris, comprised of erectile tissue, which can actually be stimulated through the labia, says Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. 

To do this, O’Reilly says you can cup your hand around their lips, resting your hand on the pelvic mound, and then pulse, rub, or grind in this area. Or, you can use a vibrating toy across the entire length of the lips. 

3. Give oral sex

For many people, oral sex can be a surefire path to pleasure and orgasm, says O’Reilly. When giving oral sex, O’Reilly recommends trying out these tips:

• Lick around the thighs first to build anticipation
• Stick your tongue out and press it against their lips, moving your head slowly back and forth like you’re shaking your head “no”
• Use your thumb to rub the clitoris while using your mouth lower on the vagina
• Experiment with different pressure and intensities
• Follow the rhythm of their hips
• Look up at them and make eye contact
• Tell them how much you love going down on them 

4.

Use sex toys

Incorporating sex toys in the bedroom is a great way to bring some new excitement into sex as well as increase likelihood of orgasm. 

Cooper says you can ask your partner to show you how they like to use toys themselves so you get to learn what they like, and from there, you can follow their lead or add in some of your own moves. 

Typical vibrators are great, or your partner may prefer a newer type of toy that creates suction and uses air for different types of sensations.

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If you are looking to incorporate toys in the bedroom but aren’t sure where to start, check out our guide to the best sex toys.

• Best vibrator for couples involving females: We-Vibe Tango X – See at We-Vibe
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•  Best butt plug: Anal Training Kit & Education Set – See at B-Vibe

How to give someone a vaginal orgasm

When people talk about vaginal orgasms, they’re typically referring to G-spot orgasms. The G-spot is an erogenous zone that’s about two inches deep into the vagina, on its front wall. It’s believed that G-spot orgasms occur because it’s actually the internal parts of the clitoris being stimulated. Here are four tips for giving someone this type of orgasm.

1. Be sure they’re warmed up

If someone’s going to have a vaginal orgasm, it’s more likely to occur if they’ve had a clitoral orgasm first, Cooper says. So, you may want to use the above tips for clitoral orgasm before moving internally. Additionally, O’Reilly suggests only going for G-spot stimulation once someone is highly aroused to make the experience more comfortable and pleasurable in general.

2. Use your fingers

To stimulate the G-spot manually, insert a finger and feel for a sponge-like area, and then do a “come hither” motion with your finger to stimulate the area, starting off slowly and then eventually going faster and using more pressure, says Rullo. 

Additionally, you can add another finger if your partner would like. Be sure to follow along with verbal and non-verbal cues to see what feels good for them, and don’t hesitate to ask for feedback so you know what they really want. 

3. Find the right positions

If you move on to penetrative sex, whether with a penis or a strap-on, Cooper says to aim for positions that make the G-spot easier to access. You can also try positions that put your partner in control, so that they can angle themselves to be hitting their G-spot and control the depth and intensity. A few positions great for G-spot orgasms are:

• Missionary (place a pillow or wedge under their hips to get a better angle)
• Doggy style
• Cowgirl 

4. Use sex toys

There are plenty of sex toys to choose from that are meant for the G-spot. Additionally, Cooper says you can opt for toys such as rabbit vibrators which will stimulate both the G-spot and the clitoris, which gives your partner the opportunity for a blended orgasm, and an increased chance at giving them an orgasm in general.

Insider’s takeaway

These tips are a great place to start if you’re looking to pleasure your partner with a vulva, but don’t forget to learn what your partner specifically likes so you have the best chance of pleasing them and giving them an orgasm. “Everybody is different, so communicate with your partners to find out what they like and keep an open mind. Explore for pleasure rather than touching to create one specific outcome,” says O’Reilly.

Ashley Laderer

Ashley Laderer is a freelance writer from New York who specializes in health and wellness. Follow her on Twitter @ashladerer

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Female orgasm, how to achieve it | Why you can’t get an orgasm – April 11, 2021

It is important that harmony reigns in a couple

org/Person”> Photo: Roman Danilkin / 63.RU

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We continue our frank column “Awkward to ask.” Today’s topic: female orgasm. Many women do not experience orgasm during sex, and if they do, it is very rare. They are used to treating this phenomenon as a lottery: lucky – no luck. But in vain. Sexologist Yuri Andreev, who works at the DNA Clinic in Yaroslavl and helps people with intimate problems, told about how to experience an orgasm and why you should not ignore its absence.

Do not accumulate problems in a couple

Photo: Yuri Andreev

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— What is a female orgasm? What types of orgasm are there?

– Orgasm is the peak, the culmination of sexual arousal, which is accompanied by a great feeling of pleasure and enjoyment. Orgasm is a rather complex psychophysiological process and it occurs in the brain, between the ears, and not between the legs, as many people think. Due to the fact that a woman is a more sensitive and romantic nature, emotional intimacy, confidence in her partner and his reliability, in how he treats her, whether they often have conflicts, disagreements, quarrels are very important to her. If the relationship is harmonious and sensual, then she can show her real feelings, her passion and ardor and, finally, her orgasm, without being embarrassed or holding back. Purely physiologically, it is characterized by several contractions, spasms of the outer part of the vagina, which last an average of 3-5 to 20-30 seconds. By localization, there are mainly: clitoral – it is experienced by about 70-80% of women, vaginal – 10-15% and a mixed type of orgasm, which is experienced by about 5-10% of women. Orgasm can occur during intercourse – this is a coital orgasm, and outside of intercourse it occurs with self-stimulation. Downstream, orgasm is divided into single, multiple or multi-orgasm, short-term and protracted. Intensity: weak, moderate, strong. There are also other, rather rare varieties of orgasm: a jet or squirt orgasm associated with stimulation of the U point – this is the point of the urethra, and the secretion of the paraurethral glands, which usually act as a protection for the urethra. There are also anal, cervical, nipple orgasm, orgasm in a dream and others. If this is not a squirt orgasm, then at the moment of her climax, a woman does not secrete anything, unlike a man’s ejaculation, and therefore some women can fake their orgasm.

— Is it true that the longer the foreplay, the more likely it is to experience an orgasm?

– One of the most important sexual stages is foreplay, or foreplay, where the process of excitation in general and the genital organs in particular takes place, in which all human sense analyzers participate: visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile, gustatory. Basically, men like to watch more, and women like to listen. No wonder they say: a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with her ears. Here, the search for erogenous zones of each, a gentle effect on these zones, the creation of a favorable environment, the duration of foreplay, and much more is important. One of the key factors of this stage is the mood and the right thoughts in the head of both partners, which do not interfere, but only help to achieve and experience maximum pleasure. In terms of time, the foreplay stage generally lasts 15–20 minutes, but, of course, there are individual variations: someone likes fast and lightning-fast sex with minimal foreplay, while it is important for someone to stretch the pleasure.

A good partner is one who devotes time to his soul mate

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— But many people have sex and don’t even know what an orgasm is. Is it okay not to have an orgasm? What to do to experience it?

– Female and male orgasm are very different concepts, and the mechanism of their onset is very different. A female orgasm may not always be, and this can be regarded both as a norm and as a pathology. Here, the very attitude of a woman to orgasm, her desire to achieve maximum pleasure is important. It is believed that the peak of sexual skill is the mutual and simultaneous orgasm of both partners, which is more often present in a harmonious and loving couple. In a man, after his orgasm, desire disappears sharply – due to the peculiarities of the male body. And that partner is good who, after sexual intercourse, devotes time to his half, saying pleasant words and hugging her, and does not immediately turn away to sleep. If a woman has her own desire to experience orgasm (and not her partner’s desire, as is often the case), then with the help of psychotherapeutic and sexological treatment tactics, the desired results can often be achieved. Problems in the sexual sphere, such as anorgasmia, lack of libido, different sexual constitutions, and others, can lead to sexual disharmony between partners. Often there are grievances, disagreements and even betrayals in the life of a couple. Very often, these problems are associated not only with sexual, but also with family, interpersonal relationships, personality traits, the presence of frequent quarrels and discord in the family. Most often, disharmony in the family is characterized as family-sexual, separately family or sexual disharmony is rare. It must be remembered that always when there is a misunderstanding of each other, in the absence of harmony, respect, love in a couple, problems arise in a very tender and fragile sexual sphere, which suffers primarily in your relationship. Normal harmonious family-sexual relationships are possible subject to mutual voluntary desire to maintain or improve these relationships.

— How long does it take to have sex to experience an orgasm? The longer the better?

– The duration of sexual intercourse is a variable value and may depend on various circumstances: on the frequency of sexual activity, on the situation, on the partner, on the positions in sex, on the state of health, and on many other reasons. The average duration of the sexual intercourse itself with a regular frequency is 3-5 minutes, but again there are individual characteristics in a couple in different directions in time. With the “correct” preparation of a woman in foreplay, the average duration of sexual intercourse is basically enough for the partner to experience an orgasm. If an orgasm does not occur and this worries both or someone in a couple, then you need to understand the causes of the violations, but from my experience I can say that the duration of sexual intercourse is not so often the basis for the absence or disappearance of orgasm.

— What to do if you experience an orgasm while masturbating, but not with a partner? Who is to blame for this?

– This is called coital anorgasmia, and with the mutual desire of partners, this problem is mainly successfully corrected by psychotherapeutic and sexological methods of therapy. Of great importance in this case is the duration of the relationship in a couple, trust, mutual understanding, openness of feelings and emotions between each other. It is important to understand that there is no “magic pill” in the treatment of many sexological problems that many dream of. There are no guilty couples in a loving couple, and even more so, you don’t need to look for them, and if there is a problem, you need to try to solve it together, and if you can’t, then with the help of a specialist in this field. Do not be afraid to admit that you have a problem, and even more so to let everything take its course. Many people think: somehow over time it will pass and get better, you can wait. Perhaps they are right, but the problem may grow like a snowball, and a solution will still need to be found, but at a deeper level. It is better to seek help in the primary stages of the onset of the disease.

Does the G-spot actually exist? What is it all about? Is there any point in looking for it?

– The G-spot exists in women, despite the fact that not everyone can find it. It is a section of the anterior part of the vagina at a depth of 2-5 cm behind the pubic bone and urethra. If you wish, you can try to look for the cherished point on your own or together with a partner, but due to individual characteristics and anatomical and physiological structure, this point may not be sensitive, and not every woman can experience a vaginal orgasm when stimulating the cherished point. Do not be afraid to experiment, in sex there are no prescribed algorithms or patterns on how to act in a given situation, since the problems and circumstances are very different and individual, and each couple has their own.

– Is there a link between penis size and orgasm? The bigger, the better?

— The presence or absence of an orgasm in a woman is rarely associated only with the size of the penis, here the partner’s attentiveness, his experience and the ability to feel a woman are more important. What and how she likes, what caresses, touches, poses. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Whether it’s horseradish or a carrot, it’s not the vegetable that matters, but skill!” The most sensitive areas are the first 3-7 cm of the vagina, depending on its size. There are many nerve endings in this place, and most women enjoy the stimulation of the labia, the entrance to the vagina, the clitoris. There are also physiological features of partners, when, for example, the large size of the penis can cause discomfort and pain during intercourse in a petite woman. When these sensations occur, orgasm cannot be experienced. Situations are often individual in nature, and a sensitive and attentive approach in the intimate and delicate sexological sphere is very important. If you think that you or your couple have problems of a sexological nature and they cannot be solved, then be sure to visit a specialist who will try to help with this.

Ways to have an orgasm without touching the genitals

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In a world where two-thirds of women do not orgasm during sex, write about how some people are able to reach the peak of pleasure with no hands at all and everything else, – looks like a joke. But this is true!

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Vladimir Fakinsky

The author of the sex education blog “Sex Education Public”

Orgasm in a dream

Counting all the sheep, you have a chance to see dreams in the world not your boring boss who scolds you again for not submitting a report on time, but for a swarthy handsome man on the ocean shore.

Here he strokes your hand, you begin to feel a pleasant warmth in the solar plexus area, then he sexually whispers in your ear, and your body is already on fire from the inside. The dream ends with an orgasm. Agree, this is much more pleasant than waking up from an alarm clock.

If before that you thought that only men were capable of experiencing an orgasm during sleep, you were wrong.

The research team of American sexologist Alfred Kinsey described the existence of female nocturnal orgasms over 60 years ago. Kinsey surveyed more than 5,600 women, and 37% of them reported that they experience an average of 3-4 orgasms a year while sleeping. Moreover, older women were more likely to reach the peak of sexual satisfaction than younger women.

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However, these studies cannot be considered complete, since not all women could be fully aware of whether they experienced an orgasm or whether it was just a feeling similar to it, because they did not have any “material evidence” that men can boast of.

What can be connected with the ability to experience an orgasm during sleep? First, during sleep, more blood flow enters the vagina than during wakefulness. Secondly, as mentioned above, the female orgasm is born in the brain, which at normal times is clogged with various everyday and professional problems, but during sleep, on the contrary, it is pure and free for sexual fantasies.

Image orgasm

You must have heard the phrase “Think before you think”. Our thoughts can materialize. You can treat Vadim Zeland’s books “Transformation of Reality” or the film “Secret” in different ways, but with the help of thoughts alone, a girl is able to cause and experience an orgasm.

To achieve this, you need to dive deep into the world of your fantasies: someone imagines their favorite actor, others recreate exciting scenes from films in their minds. But it is best to remember the most vivid sexual experience and reproduce it in your head to the smallest detail.

Barry Komisaruk, professor of biology at Rutgers University, USA, conducted research on this topic. To do this, he observed the brain activity of women during orgasm and revealed a pattern: the brain centers responsible for sexual pleasure work the same way both during real physical contact and at the time when a woman tried to induce an orgasm with the help of thought. But during the imitation of orgasm, these brain centers did not show any activity.

Corgasm

Your desire to wear yourself out in the gym can lead not only to a good figure and psychological well-being, but also give you the opportunity to experience an orgasm right during exercise.

Corgasm is a type of orgasm that women experience during exercise on the muscles that are responsible for stabilizing the pelvis, hips and spine. It is described as muscular contractions of the lower abdomen without tingling sensations in the clitoris.

Initially, the topic of corgasms was brought up by Alfred Kinsey, already familiar to us, who, studying female orgasms, stated that 5% of women find it easier to get an orgasm during exercise than from sex with a man. But Indiana University researchers went further and began to study what kind of exercises ladies are so pleased with. It turned out that these were ab exercises, weight lifting, running, cycling and yoga.

According to the hypothesis of the aforementioned Barry Komisaruk, exercise and orgasm affect the body in almost the same way: blood pressure rises, the heart beats faster, body temperature rises. For the brain, these are all indicators of orgasm, which, in turn, commands the muscles to contract.

Orgasm from nipple stimulation

Humans are, in biological language, the only mammals whose female breasts grow during puberty and also during pregnancy. And people themselves are the only kind of animals that pay special attention to their breasts during sex: they caress, bite, kiss. It is correct, because a woman is able to experience an orgasm with proper stimulation of the nipples. The orgasm itself takes place not only in the nipples, but also throughout the chest, although it is most intense around the areolas.

Why is touching the breast so exciting if it is not related to the genitals? This is because a woman’s brain processes information about nipple stimulation in the same way as about clitoral stimulation, while activating the genital sensory cortex of the brain.

In addition, when the nipples are stimulated, uterine contractions and the production of the hormone oxytocin occur, which, by the way, is responsible for the formation of love and affection. Be sure that if he kisses your breasts, then you will definitely love him.

In addition to oxytocin, another hormone is produced – prolactin. Its role in your body is not only in the formation of breast milk, but also in getting an orgasm, while being an indicator of sexual satisfaction.

For a long time, this method of achieving orgasm was considered an invention. But Dr. Herbert Otto studied 213 women, and 61 of them experienced orgasms from breast stimulation. And a similar orgasm was described in the book “50 Shades of Grey. ”

Orgasm during childbirth

Childbirth in women has always been associated with pain. One has only to watch films where a woman distorts her face, screams, beats in agony, as if lying on a hot frying pan, and the desire to become a mother in some especially impressionable girls may disappear.

However, I would like to draw attention to the fact that some women who have already become mothers talk about experiencing an orgasm during childbirth. Their number is not as large as one would like, only 6%. Moreover, on the Internet you can find “specialist” courses (probably this word should be put in quotation marks) that offer courses to potential mothers to prepare for “orgasmic childbirth”.

Why is it possible to experience it anyway?

To begin with, oxytocin, otherwise known as the hormone of love and released during sex, is also formed at the time of childbirth. And its main goal is to provoke uterine contractions, which is the same thing that happens during orgasm.