How to make women have orgasm: How to Achieve Vaginal Orgasm: 8 Unforgettable Tips

06.07.202322.06.2023 by alexxlab

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How to Achieve Vaginal Orgasm: 8 Unforgettable Tips

Updated

23 November 2022

Published

22 November 2018

Fact Checked

Reviewed by Kate Shkodzik, MD, Obstetrician and gynecologist

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Every piece of content at Flo Health adheres to the highest editorial standards for language, style, and medical accuracy. To learn what we do to deliver the best health and lifestyle insights to you, check out our content review principles.

The myth of the vaginal orgasm is universally known. Does it exist at all? Let’s figure out what a vaginal orgasm is, and how to get (or give) one.

Some experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation, sometimes referred to as a vaginal orgasm, more easily than others. If you’re interested in figuring out this phenomenon or just want to experience it more often, we’ve got some tips that can boost your chances. But first, let’s talk a little bit about the science of female orgasm.

Historically, there has been a large knowledge gap in the science of female orgasms. As researchers began to describe female orgasms, they categorized them as vaginal and clitoral, depending on whether stimulation of the vagina or clitoris caused the orgasm. As our understanding of the female body developed, these terms became a bit outdated.

Today, we know from more comprehensive studies that the brain reacts differently depending on which area of the body is stimulated. Many people report feeling different sensations depending on whether their vagina or clitoris is being touched.

As scientists continue to explore what exactly happens during clitoral or vaginal stimulation, they often agree that dividing female orgasms into different types isn’t too helpful. A recent study published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy discovered that roughly 37 percent of American women required clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. The same study found that fewer than one in five women orgasmed through vaginal stimulation alone.

Achieving orgasm via vaginal stimulation may require mixing up your sex life in a few ways, such as by using lubrication, trying new positions, and maximizing your sexual arousal. Here are some tips you might want to explore.

1. Try more foreplay

Many people underestimate the power of foreplay. The act of foreplay is especially important for female orgasm because it takes the female body longer to reach the level of arousal needed to have one.

Foreplay serves both physical and emotional purposes. It prepares the mind and body for sex. Preferences for foreplay vary from person to person, but the process of getting sexually aroused helps the vagina create lubrication. Lubrication is essential for comfortable sex and orgasms, so it’s worth spending some time on foreplay.

Although what methods of foreplay you use depend on what you and your partner enjoy, sex educators suggest giving each other shoulder massages, kissing, and touching before sex.

2. Add some clitoral stimulation during vaginal sex

Located above the vagina, right on the pubic bone, the clitoris is often partially covered by a small “hood” of skin. It is the most sensitive erogenous — that is, sexually responsive — part of the female body. Stimulating the clitoris can create a pleasurable feeling, especially as you approach orgasm.

To increase the chances of having an orgasm, direct clitoral stimulation is often needed. This can be done with a toy, fingers, or your partner’s tongue. Sex educators suggest experimenting with different amounts of pressure and touch to see what works for you.

Because you know your body better than anyone, you can let your partner know specifically how to help you reach an orgasm.

3. Have an orgasm before sex

Some people report they can achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation if they have orgasmed before intercourse. For them, an orgasm prior to sex helps them feel primed for another orgasm and deepens the sensations they experience.

In other words, once you’ve already had an orgasm, the chances of achieving another one (at least!) can increase.

4. Find the best position for an orgasm

The best position for exploring orgasm with vaginal penetration, which people sometimes call a vaginal orgasm, is one that provides the amount and type of stimulation of the clitoris or the G-spot (a highly sensitive part of the vagina that isn’t fully understood yet) that you need. Although positions feel somewhat different for everyone, a few possibilities include the following:

In “doggy style,” the penis applies pressure to the G-spot to help you orgasm.

For some people, “woman on top” is more effective. This position provides the best stimulation of the G-spot, given the angle of the penis. What’s more, you can easily control the pace, depth, and angle during sex.

In the “sitting” position, you sit on your partner’s lap to achieve deep penetration and increased clitoral stimulation. As a bonus, this position can also create plenty of intimacy!

5.

Communicate with your partner

Yes, different positions can offer a good penetration angle. Foreplay can help your body lubricate better. But what about open communication with your partner?

Honest communication with your partner can promote transparency and trust. When you’re open in the bedroom, share your preferences, passions, turn-offs, and fantasies, the chances of reaching an orgasm increase.

Try talking together to find out what you like and to minimize guessing. You may want to experiment with new options until you find the best fit for you and your partner.

6. Find your perfect tempo

Some couples may assume they have to mimic sex as it’s portrayed in pornography. However, this type of sex may cause ejaculation to happen too quickly.

Although there’s no single “right” way to have sex, most people enjoy a mix of fast and slow tempos. You may like changing speeds quickly from slow to fast, then relaxing for a minute and speeding things up again.

In general, the key is to keep experimenting with a bunch of techniques and styles to find out what works best for your sex life.

7. Use lube

If you want to make things move more smoothly, use lube. Lubricant adds moisture, which can reduce friction and make sex more comfortable.

Some people’s bodies always produce enough lubrication. However, it’s also normal to need a little lube due to cycle-related hormone changes, menopause, stress, or pregnancy.

This one addition to your sex life can help you explore “vaginal orgasm.” Whichever type of lube you decide to use, apply it on your fingertips and then on the desired area or a sex toy. If you use condoms, be sure to avoid oil-based lubricants. And if you’re using a toy, make sure your lube is compatible.

8. Prepare your mind

Great sex might require a combo of lube, clitoral stimulation, and open communication. The one remaining ingredient is a relaxed mind.

To achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation, or vaginal orgasm, let yourself relax and enjoy the experience. Allow your mind and body to experience sex fully. Let go of thoughts, except sexual fantasies, and focus on the sensations in your body.

It’s also important to get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and eat balanced foods. These building blocks can also improve your overall health and mood.

Above all, learn how to love your body. Taking small, positive steps toward self-acceptance can play an important role in feeling sexual satisfaction and having orgasms.

What does having no vaginal orgasm mean?

If you’ve tried all these tricks and tips but aren’t having orgasms through vaginal stimulation, this is perfectly normal. Direct clitoral stimulation is usually needed to experience female orgasm. But because the clitoris is located outside the vagina, it is rarely stimulated during penetrative sex.

Orgasm is orgasm regardless of the way it’s achieved — by penetration, clitoral stimulation, a combination of both, or even during sleep or from exercise. Whether female orgasms should be divided into separate types is still a controversial topic among scientists. Penetrative sex simply might not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to get your body to orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. A blend of factors influences sexual arousal and orgasms in general, as what works best for their body is different for everyone.

References

Herbenick, Debby, et al. “Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94.” Taylor & Francis, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 9 Aug. 2017, www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530.

O’connell, Helen E., et al. “ANATOMY OF THE CLITORIS.” The Journal of Urology, 2005, www.auajournals.org/doi/abs/10.1097/01.ju.0000173639.38898.cd.

Pfaus, James G., et al. “The Whole versus the Sum of Some of the Parts: Toward Resolving the Apparent Controversy of Clitoral versus Vaginal Orgasms.” Taylor & Francis, Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 25 Oct. 2016, www. tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3402/snp.v6.32578.

Harvard Health Publishing. “Don’t Ignore Vaginal Dryness and Pain.” Harvard Health, Mar. 2019, www.health.harvard.edu/womens-health/dont-ignore-vaginal-dryness-and-pain.

History of updates

Current version
(23 November 2022)

Reviewed by Kate Shkodzik, MD, Obstetrician and gynecologist

22 November 2018

Ask the Gynecologist: How can I orgasm more often during sex?

In this recurring guest column, Kate White, M.D., of Boston Medical Center, answers your questions on all things gynecology. As the author of the Mayo Clinic Press book Your Sexual Health, she’s ready to dole out wisdom on sex, periods, menopause and more. Submit a question here.

Q: I’m in a great, loving relationship, but I only orgasm occasionally when we have sex. We’ve been together for a while, and I’m not sure what else to try. Are there techniques that can help me orgasm more consistently?

A: There may be! The first important point: Orgasms don’t often come from intercourse alone.

Fewer than 1 in 5 women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone — everyone else wants or needs some sort of stimulation on their clitoris. Your clit can be stimulated directly, but for some people that’s too intense, and they prefer indirect stimulation, including from the side through the labia, with gentle pulling on the labia minora, or even through clothing. Touching in or around the vagina, including on the perineum and under the urethra, may stimulate the inner portion of the clitoris (which extends way beyond the nub you know and love, extending in the shape of a wishbone behind the vaginal wall into the pelvis). You can see how everything is connected here.

If you want to try to have an orgasm during vaginal penetration, try stimulating your clitoris at the same time. Either touch yourself with your fingers or a vibrator or have your partner touch you. Aim for the area around your clitoris. If that feels too much like a game of Twister, try manual or oral stimulation before or after intercourse. Other kinds of touching during intercourse, including kissing, licking and sucking, can also help get you there.

It doesn’t matter how you get an orgasm.

Even the most caring partner may not consistently push your buttons the right way. And it can be challenging to manage direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse, depending on how flexible you can be with your sex positions. If having orgasms with a partner doesn’t come easy for you, try using a vibrator. Vibes come in many forms, and most are battery operated so they can be moved about your body without cords getting in the way. With practice, you can get the hang of timing your climax for the moment that feels best for you. A vibrator may be your ticket to timing your orgasms with your partner’s, especially during intercourse.

Some patients make a face when I suggest introducing a vibrator into their couple’s time. They’ve always seen a vibe as something for private, personal play. But there’s nothing wrong with a battery-operated assist to get you over the edge. For partners who seem hesitant — as if they’re being left out of the game — let them wield the wand. It may take practice and communication to get the angle, intensity and pacing right. But what a lovely thing to practice.

There are benefits to sex — with or without an orgasm.

Whether you have an orgasm or not, sex also has a lot of surprising health benefits. Sex can lower your blood pressure and improve your heart health. It can strengthen your immune system and decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Sex can lead to better sleep, pain relief, and stress reduction, both physical and emotional. A healthy sex life may even improve your self-esteem and boost your libido, so you want more of a good thing! You get these benefits with or without an orgasm.

This an edited excerpt from Dr. Kate’s book Your Sexual Health.

The content on this site is to educate consumers on health care and medical issues. Nothing about the content on this site should be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This site and its services do not constitute the practice of any medical or other professional health care advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Relevant reading

Your Sexual Health

This book is intended for people with a vagina, of any identity or orientation. Gain a better sense of what your body’s telling you — and how to know when not to worry about what you feel or see. A crash course in sexual, reproductive and pregnancy health.

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The main thing is not what to twirl, but how to twirl: everything you wanted to know about sex, but were embarrassed to ask seasoned with a sauce of rumors, speculation and prejudice.

People began to actively discuss spicy topics, which gave rise to even more misconceptions in society. Why do people go berserk from lack of sex? Do masturbators grow hair on their palms? Where and how to find the G-spot and what manhood can bring a woman to orgasm? Igor Yurin, chief freelance specialist in sexology at the Ministry of Health of the region, told our colleagues from the Samara portal 63.ru about this and many other things.

— I have to work with both men and women who have certain problems. If we are talking about diseases of the male sexual sphere, then these are various anxiety syndromes, expectations of sexual failure, neurotic conditions, erectile dysfunctions, for example, of a psychogenic nature. The main problem for women is to get pleasure, which they often cannot experience – the problem of the lack of orgasm. In fact, two people are responsible for sex – a man and a woman. As for couples, people come to me at the age of about 28-35, this is the most active period, the age of people who are not shy about talking about problems in sex.

— It’s true, and it’s perfectly adequate. This statement is primarily due to the growing up and aging of the body, changes in the hormonal background. This is a natural process. If an older 80-year-old man tells you that he has an attraction, most likely he is somehow connected with the psychiatric service as a patient.

This is not a myth, this is a reality given by nature! Changes in hormones, decreased testosterone levels in men, and a small amount of estradiol in female sex hormones all contribute to a decrease in libido, as it should be. It’s just a consequence of our life, it’s just that every age has its own specific sexuality. There are couples who live together for 30 years, and they are very well adapted, and they are all right with sexuality. In this case, it is clear that a woman will not want a man every day, she has already been adjusted to him for a long time, they live in harmony, attraction is reduced, but they know how to increase it, how to make contact take place. These are the perfect couples. If he is 60 years old and she is 35 years old, as often happens, a man artificially tries to increase his sexuality, but this is also normal.

Among the patients of a sexologist, patients aged 28-35 are not ashamed to talk about their problems

Viagra is a trade name. Doctors call this drug sildenafil. Now it is produced by our companies, and foreign, domestic drugs are cheaper. These pills have revolutionized sexuality and erectile dysfunction in men. They certainly work. The whole world uses them. With the use of these drugs, problems in men have become much less. Each medicine has its own contraindications, eating these pills in handfuls randomly, of course, is impossible, you should always consult a specialist. First of all, you need to understand why you should take them. If you have anxiety in your head, then this will not help.

Experts say that you should have sex confidently, without anxiety

If a person is suspicious, he is under stress, he experiences vasospasm. With vasospasm, sex hormones do not work, and even these drugs that we prescribe for a guaranteed erection do not always help either. Harmful or not? If a person takes them systemically at a young age, this is inappropriate and can adversely affect health. What will such a man do without pills? He is already getting used to them, getting used to a guaranteed powerful erection, without a pill there is fear, unstable potency, and in fact he gets hooked on medicines. If you take the drug once, even for a young man, nothing bad will happen. There are, for example, moments when a man goes somewhere, he has an attraction, but he is anxious or depressed.

In most cases, the pill will not work, on the contrary, it will aggravate the situation even more. It didn’t work out with the girl, and that’s all – I’m impotent, everything is bad for me, what should I do now? He thinks about the pill, that it will definitely help, goes to the girl in a state of stress, worries that nothing will work out – he is already tuned in to a negative result, which ultimately turns out. Sometimes a sedative is enough.

Directly in a healthy person, these pills will not cause heart problems. The drugs dilate small vessels, including the eyes and face. Why does a person get stuffy nose when using drugs? Yes, because just small vessels expand. But this does not mean that the man’s blood pressure rises terribly. The same thing happens with the penis, the small vessels of the penis also expand. Here the effect on the heart is quite different. These drugs stimulate the heartbeat. If you take a pill and your heart is not healthy, it starts pounding, and then anything can happen. It also happens that pensioners from these pills go to the next world. But for a person to die, he must have chronic diseases, for example, coronary heart disease.

Just like that, a healthy body of a healthy man will not fail, this pill cannot kill a healthy one. Recently, a 58-year-old patient came to me with little problems, he wanted more pleasure. I have recommended one tablet per day. No more, the load is powerful. So he drank one, then it seemed to him not enough, and he drank two. The effect was stunning, he barely walked away, he was shaking for two days, he didn’t get out of bed for almost a day, he tortured the poor woman with a long act. To somehow resolve the situation, he had to use sedative drops.

— Of course. This is not a myth, but an axiom. The regularity of sex, its presence in life or its absence form the mood of a person. During an orgasm, hormones of happiness are released in the body of partners, which then give this state of relaxation, a state of high, a state of peace and satisfaction. Men, for example, produce oxytocin, so very often a man falls asleep instantly after sex. This is the most powerful sleeping pill. These sensations can provide a good mood the next day, but everything is individual here, and there are a lot of nuances. It depends on what partner the man was with, what was the sex, its quality.

You can get a dull orgasm on the background of routine sexual intercourse with, say, an unloved woman. When a man needs it, because he needs it, he went, and there is nothing special. This is one thing. Another thing is when there is love, when there are feelings. There are still situations when a man tries to prove that he is a sexy hero “Jack”, he tries to do this for several hours, and this is completely stupid, mediocre and useless. To bring a woman to orgasm, sex must last 15 minutes. If it is ready, if it is warmed up normally, then 5 is enough. It makes no sense to overfill the circle in the small pelvis with blood for a long time – this adversely affects health and is very harmful. This is all directly related to the prostate and rectum. Sex should be regulated by time.

Contrary to popular belief, size doesn’t matter in sex

— Of course, this is a myth. The size of the penis does not affect the orgasm of women and the quality of sex in general. If we are talking about a micropenis, the length of which in an erect state does not exceed 10 centimeters, say 5 or 7 centimeters, then this is already a problem. A woman will not be able to have an orgasm. But such cases are usually an anomaly. But if a person has an average size of 12 centimeters or more, then everything is very individual here. The fact is that the vagina has a very good elasticity. The vagina adapts to the size of the penis. If a woman had a partner with a 20 cm dignity, and she was already used to it, and if the partner was good in all other respects, then of course 12 centimeters would not be enough for her.

If a woman has already given birth, then she will not be able to work with her vagina so that she has a normal sexual intercourse – that’s all about the small size of the penis. Sometimes couples come where a man complains about the size of a woman’s vagina and compares it to a bucket. If a woman does not take care of herself, does not train the muscles of the vagina, and the man has a small size, disharmony may occur. But again, the vagina can be sutured, all this is done, everything is corrected, only the size of the penis is not corrected. The most golden phrase of all sexology: the main thing is not what to twirl, but how to twirl. This is the very essence. As the French say: “As long as I have ten fingers and a tongue, am I impotent?”

— This is a 100% myth! No pumps, no pumps will help. I went in and looked at a very expensive device in an intimate store. Its essence lies in the fact that a tractor is attached to the penis, a blank of two kilograms is suspended from below, and this weight constantly pulls the penis down. In fact, nothing happens at this moment. Only the cavernous bodies are stretched – the components of the penis, in which blood is collected under pressure. Because of this, only problems with the genitourinary system may arise, difficulties may occur in terms of outflow of urine. In fact, these are the real devices for execution. These are advertising tricks, a bluff – there is no increase.

Measuring manhood with a ruler is a thankless job

There is no direct relationship. A man with a fairly high growth may have the most modest size of the penis. Inconsistencies in the size of the penis and the size of a person can occur due to disorders in the endocrine system. A patient came to me with a height of ninety meters – he had a penis of 12 centimeters. This is more of a myth, because everyone has their own DNA code, and everything is included in it – penis size, life expectancy, number of orgasms, leg size and nose length. If we are talking about medicine, then a person with two meters in height has more prominent genitals, but also not an axiom. Yes, there is such a thing that you can determine the length of the penis by the shape of the nose, but this is rather speculation. It’s just anthropometric data. For example, Peter the Great was very tall and the 38th shoe size, but we don’t know anything about his penis. All this is from the realm of speculation and assumptions.

– This is only 50% proven. It occurs in only half of the women. This is a certain accumulation of gland ducts on the anterior wall of the vagina, just behind the pubis – 5 centimeters higher along the anterior wall. Some work, some do not – the wonders of nature have not yet been fully explored, it all depends solely on nature. As a rule, this is not seriously talked about as a place for stimulating orgasm. If a woman is scratched behind her ear before an orgasm, then she will develop a certain reflex over time. She can enjoy without the introduction of the penis. Let’s just say: I scratched behind the ear, put it in, and she got an orgasm. It makes no sense to get hung up on finding the G-spot, although for some women it really works. With the right touch and stimulation, orgasmic sensations improve.

– To be honest, I didn’t have such patients, they just didn’t come to me with such a problem. If we talk from the point of view of medicine, then this is impossible, but about the divine component – this is not for me. After all, they say that dogs very often resemble their owners, but this has nothing to do with science, that’s how it is here. How to prove all this, even if there are no genes, a woman becomes pregnant from a certain spermatozoon.

— This is not a myth! It harms men more. Men have a continuous cycle of seed renewal. The best prevention for prostatitis and prostate cancer is sex and exercise. When a seed is released, the muscles contract, the work of the testicles and the entire hormonal system as a whole improves. If a man abstains for more than one month, it already harms him. Stagnation in the prostate begins to appear, and mood decreases.

If you don’t have a woman, you have to masturbate. But not to the detriment, but for health purposes, so that the body works and hormones are released. It’s like physical education: if you do not lift your leg after a fracture, it will simply dry out, the same thing happens with a member. For a woman, sexual intercourse is also very important, including for her socialization and sensations of genital pleasure, but it is not necessary. Orgasm is not inherent in the nature of a woman.