Husband lying: How To Deal With A Lying Spouse
How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying
Wray Herbert wrote in the article, “How to Catch a Liar: The Cognitive Clues to Deceit,” “Most of us can spot barely more than half of all lies and truths through listening and observation.”
Spotting a liar isn’t easy. Your own suspicions can get in the way of getting to the truth. While some scientists reported two ways to spot a liar, British researchers determined that eye movement is not a good predictor of lies.
So, how do you know if or when your spouse is lying?
It is widely believed that nearly everyone lies on a regular basis. A study by University of Virginia sociologist Bella DePaulo asserts that some lying is necessary for everyday life. Here are some reasons your spouse might lie, signs that you are being lied to, and what you can do about the lies and lying.
Common Reasons That People Lie
There are several reasons that a person may choose to lie. Here are some of the common causes:
- Attempt to protect someone else’s feelings
- Avoid conflict, embarrassment, or having to face the consequences of their behavior
- Fear of rejection or losing their spouse
- Hide something they did or did not do
- Maintain control of a situation
- Make themselves look good, or appear more successful, special, or talented than they really are
- Postpone having to make changes in lifestyle
Are You Mislabeling Behaviors?
It is possible to mistake nervousness or distraction or lack of eye contact for lying? This may result in misreading or mislabeling your spouse’s behaviors. Nonverbal clues to lying can be difficult to spot and vary from individual to individual.
The bottom line is, if you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. A 2008 study suggests asking for eye contact and then asking that the story be told in reverse. It is important for you to trust your own gut and intuition or that funny feeling you may have inside.
Possible Signs of Lying
Remember — most of these signs can be easily misread and misinterpreted!
- Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while talking
- Being hesitant
- Body language and facial expressions don’t match what is being said such as saying “no”, but nodding the head up and down
- Continual denying of accusations
- Crossing arms or legs
- Differing behaviors such as not acting in the usual way
- Inconsistencies in what is being shared
- Lack of finger-pointing
- Lack of many pronouns while talking
- Lack of use of contractions, emphasizing “not” when talking
- Partial shrug
- Perspiring on the brow if it isn’t a warm day
- Placing a barrier such as a desk or a chair in front of self
- Playing with hair
- Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for
- Rigidity or fidgeting
- Saying “no” several times
- Slouching posture
- Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like “um” or “you know”
- Touching chin, or rubbing their brows
- Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements
- Unusual calmness
- Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure
- Unwillingness to touch spouse during a conversation
- Use of word fillers or evasive answers when on the telephone
Do You Confront a Suspected Liar?
Some experts say that when you believe you are being lied to, you should not confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts.
Other experts believe that the sooner the cards are all out on the table, and the sooner honesty is lived out once again in a marriage, the better. Only you know what is best for your marriage.
Purchase from Amazon: How to Spot, Revised Edition: Why People Don’t Tell the Truth…and How You Can Catch Them by Gregory Harley & Maryann Karinch
*Article Updated by Marni Feuerman
5 Ways Lying Destroys Marriages | Brandon Coussens, LMFT
When two individuals enter a relationship, they tend to trust each other, until one person does something that hurts or deceives the other person. Most people would agree that deception or dishonesty are not okay, especially within a loving, caring, and committed relationship. Lying might be the sin that is committed more often than any other sin, except for pride. Dishonesty can permeate a person’s life. One lie leads to the need to cover that lie up with another. The end result is paranoia. Trying to keep all the lies in tact can cause a person to question every thing. Lying tears apart friendships and families. This problem bleeds into every part of our lives and society.
If lying can create this much trouble in regular relationships, then committed marriages can be devastated by just one little white lie. I remember early in my marriage when I told my wife a lie. (We can get into the specifics of why people lie later.) Anyone who knows me, knows I do not have a poker face. You can see it on my face when I even trying to make a joke.
Needless to say, it did not go over well. It was the first time my wife realized she didn’t know if she could trust me. Unfortunately, it was probably wishful thinking that I would be perfect in the first place. It was a huge mistake for me at the time. I would give anything to not learn the lesson I learned that day. It not only hurt her, as she was questioning whether or not I was a safe person (more about safety in another blog), but it also hurt me, because I knew that I did not have her faith anymore.
One little white lie did all that damage in seconds. Wow! Just thinking about how easy it was to do so much damage scares me even now.
I am not saying that a couple can’t repair the marriage, but I am more encouraging that maybe the best thing to do is to prevent the destruction from happening in the first place.
So, let’s talk about how lying destroys marriages so we can be aware of how dishonesty damages relationships.
- Lying destroys trust. This point may seem moot, but trust is pivotal to all relationships. If a marriage does not have trust, it cannot function properly. Trust is the basis of good and positive communication. If there is no trust, an individual may not listen to or take heed to anything the other person says. When a partner lies, the spouse being lied to might feel devastated and distant. They also may start to question everything the deceiver says. If questioning persists, the dishonest spouse may become angry because they cannot express what they want or need due to repetitive questioning of the facts. The hurt person then may shut down, or may not believe the answers of the deceiver. This sequence of events creates a nasty cycle of distrust, defensiveness and blame.
- Lying prevents deeper, empowering conversation. Have you ever found out a loved one was lying to you? What did you do? How did you feel? If you felt angry, disappointed, frustrated or some other intense feeling, then you probably stopped communicating effectively. Married couples need to communicate on deep levels to feel the bond that keeps them together. But, if you can’t even communicate because you are angry, fearful, or hurt, then the deeper levels of communication cannot be reached.
- Lying leads to more lying and deception. As a alluded to above, once a lie is formed and emitted, the person lying usually starts to cover it up so they don’t get caught. Some people go to great lengths to cover up a lie because telling the truth can have very damaging consequences. For the individual who is dishonest, it becomes important to cover up the lie so they don’t lose their standing with their spouse, so they don’t have to deal with an upset spouse, or possibly lose their marriage and much more. Deception can become very complex and twisted.
- Learning about lies can be extremely painful which make it hard to heal. One of the consequences of lying to your partner is that they will feel hurt. The depth of the hurt depends on the type of lie, what the lie was about, the length of time the lie has been covered up, and whether or not the lie is dealing with a sensitive subject (ie, sex, finances, family). It has been said that hurt takes time to heal. The amount of time to heal depends on the depth of the hurt, which in turn could be so devastating that the hurt spouse may choose to not attempt to start the healing process. When you trust someone with your life and your are vulnerable with them, dishonesty crushes you. It feels like you not only can’t trust your partner anymore. It also feels like you had the deepest parts of you (the most vulnerable and most sensitive parts) were abused and not taken care of. Your spouse trust you with some of the most sensitive stuff, and lying makes that seem so wrong.
- Lying portrays selfishness. When a person lies, they are most likely thinking about themselves, although it may seem they are doing it for other reasons and maybe even to protect. Some circumstances might make that statement untrue, but only for a few situations. Like we said, lying is usually to cover something up. Why would someone cover something up? To keep it secret? To not get in trouble? To not hurt another person so the relationship does not change? Could be any other number of reasons. No matter which way you swing it, ALL of these reasons point back to selfishness. You can almost hear a resounding, “I…” if the person were asked why they lied. Defensiveness is a good test to determine if a person is thinking about themselves or others. I hate to be so abrupt and harsh on this last point. I know people will try to argue they were doing it to protect someone or something. There are always good reasons for doing anything that you do, BUT was it the best, most beneficial choice. I think if we look at every angle and all the possible consequences with the benefits, we would find that lying destroys relationships because, although at the time it seemed like a person was protecting others, the selfishness of the decision leads to greater hurt in the future.
Finally, how do we use this information?
BE AWARE. Lying can be easy sometimes. Being aware of how it effects relationships and how it takes away what is dear to you, can help you make a correct decision. I always teach people: Be aware of yourself (ie, feelings, thoughts and actions). Know your WHY!
BE INTENTIONAL. Awareness breads control. Awareness allows for a larger array of choices. Awareness allows for the individual to manage the problem instead of the problem managing the individual. My previous post talked about being intentional! Awareness allows an individual to be intentional when working to have a healthy and lasting marriage.
LEARN TO BE HONEST. Honesty provides safety and trust in relationships. Would you rather be with someone who messes up, but is honest and genuine about it, or someone who does not want anyone to see them for who they really are?
If you need help with being honest and genuine call me 706-955-0230.
Check out my companion piece to this post: 5 Ways Honesty Improves Marriages
If you would like help with your relationship or help with this issue. Please contact me or schedule a session through my online portal. (Unfortunately, if you live outside the state of Georgia, I cannot do counseling with you, unless you are able to meet in person at my office.)
Check out my latest blog series about how to Improve your Marriage While in Quarantine.
The Complicated Truth About Lying to Your Partner
Source: YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV/Shutterstock
The truth is, we all lie. Social scientists acknowledge it as a deeply human trait. The most popular and socially adept among us are usually the biggest liars of all. The reasons we have for lying are of no surprise, and they range from innocent to sinister: We don’t want to hurt the people we care about, we want to control the perception other people have of us, we want to maintain or raise our status, we lie to protect our own selfish interests, and we want to control others. But as fundamental as lying seems to be to human beings, trusting relationships are also a basic human need, and as we all know, lying destroys trust.
Research shows that small lies make it easier to tell bigger lies. When you add in self-justification, sometimes the lies become so big you start to believe them yourself until you are caught and forced to sustain the relationship-damaging consequences that deteriorate the bond you have and may ultimately end up destroying the relationship completely.
Lies often start as self-preservation but generally turn to self-destruction. It is common to think that the consequences of telling the truth outweigh the risk of telling a lie, but even when you don’t get caught, a lie often damages the relationship.
I once worked with a client who spent over a year in therapy talking about his goal to find a great partner, and while he was able to meet several wonderful women, he kept wondering why he couldn’t feel close to them. While we explored various dynamics from his family and past relationships, he seemed fairly certain that the problem was that he had just not yet found “the one,” and that he should continue looking.
I agreed this was certainly possible, but I asked him to articulate why he was so certain of that before we moved on. He stated to me that the women he was dating must be flawed, because all he ever did was lie and cheat on them, and still they all professed to love him. Not surprisingly, he had never mentioned the lying and cheating, and was indeed also lying to his therapist. He had almost no insight into the fact that his lies and relationships with multiple women at once were preventing him from finding what he really wanted, which was a special, close bond with one woman. It had never occurred to him that these women didn’t actually love him; they loved the person he was pretending to be, and this was one of the things he feared most.
If I asked him why he lied to them, he said he didn’t want to hurt them. If I asked why he omitted from therapy the fact that he was seeing multiple people at once, he stated that he didn’t want to look bad. He thought the lies he was telling were self-preserving when they were really self-sabotaging.
Now, while it would be easy to label this person as simply narcissistic, the truth is that most people’s lies stem from a similar desire to self-preserve in some way, but are ultimately self-destructive, because lying, even if you don’t get caught, prevents you from having something most people want, which is an authentic connection and bond with another human being.
Does the intention matter? People often believe that their intentions justify the lie. Lying not to hurt someone else’s feelings is kinder than hurting them. Right? This type of lying is a very slippery slope. My client above justified his lying to multiple women by saying that he didn’t want to hurt them, which in one respect was true; the bigger truth, however, was that he wanted to control their perception and didn’t want to get caught doing something he knew was bad enough that he needed to lie about it. His lie wasn’t about their feelings; it was about his intention to manipulate and control. What about lies of omission? What if you never actually say something that isn’t true? Is that a loop hole that lets you off the hook? If you tell a lie or deliberately leave out important information to avoid hurting someone else that ultimately is about hiding your own behavior, you can be assured you have crossed the line and are violating the right your partner has to make his/her own choice about whether your behavior is acceptable or not.
So how do you overcome the natural inclination we all have to lie from time to time?
Make honesty with your partner a conscious decision and a habit. When you make a regular effort to be truthful, even with the small things, it makes telling big lies less easy. Knowing that the consequences almost always outweigh the benefits is something you have to keep present in your mind. For many people, finding a good, trusting relationship is a monumental life task. Destroying a perfectly good relationship because you didn’t think out the consequences of a lie is in some ways a tragedy.
Next time you are tempted to lie, instead tell the truth about why you want to lie: “I’m really afraid you will be upset with me, but here is what happened…”; “It feels like it would be easier to lie to you, but the truth is…”; “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but since you asked here is what I really think…” Telling the truth can have the opposite effect of lying. Instead of creating distance and inauthenticity, it creates trust and bonding, which is what most people genuinely want in their relationships.
My Husband Lies to Me [4 Reasons Why He’s Dishonest]
My Husband Lies to Me
How to End the Deception and Have an Honest Relationship
If you’ve ever caught your husband lying about where he was, who he was with or what he was doing, you know how much it stings.
If the lies were to cover up his drinking or smoking or who he was with, it can shake you to your core.
After all, how much worse can it get than him lying to his wife? What else is he lying about?
Isn’t honesty a basic requirement of a marriage?
Your friends and family will likely add fuel to the fire by assuring you that him lying to you is a serious problem.
But before you give him an ultimatum or stop trusting him completely, consider an approach that will preserve the connection between you first.
Here’s how to keep your husband honest. Click To Tweet
1. Give Him Autonomy
Gina encouraged her husband to quit smoking for years, and finally, he did!
Then one day she smelled smoke on him, but he reassured her that it was because he had been talking to his friend Joe while Joe was smoking. She was doubtful, but she wanted to believe him.
Then she caught him red-handed, smoking a cigarette. Two butts in the ashtray.
“I’m not stupid. I know he started smoking again a while ago, and now I realize that not only is he a smoker, he’s not an honest person.”
But what Gina wasn’t considering was the high price she had been making her husband pay for being honest.
What if he’d admitted to her, “Hey honey, I started smoking again.” She would likely have been unhappy and possibly critical or shaming of that decision.
Although she called it encouragement before he quit, her husband might very well have thought of her efforts as nagging and control.
Naturally, he didn’t want to go back to that. As a mere mortal man, he decided to save himself the hassle and just fib until he quit again.
We had the same problem around here when I was constantly monitoring what my husband John spent, or how he prioritized his tasks around the house—he lied to me to get me off his back.
That doesn’t make it right. That doesn’t make it okay.
But it does make sense when you consider human nature.
So one way to create a more honest culture in your relationship is by giving your guy autonomy over his own choices—like smoking, drinking, who he talks to, and what he watches.
Even if you think it’s best that he cut back or stop certain behaviors, know that telling him so is discouraging him from being honest with you.
If it’s honesty you want, consider relinquishing inappropriate control of his life and focusing more on your own happiness.
2. Give Him Privacy
As a newlywed, I (wrongly) assumed it would be okay for me to read my husband’s journal because now that we were two who had become one, there was nothing he would want to hide from me.
It’s embarrassing to admit now! But that’s how I thought then.
These days I see my husband as a sovereign individual who is entitled to some privacy.
If your husband has done something in the past that feels like a betrayal, then you might feel that he should be completely transparent. You might think that he should give you the password on his phone—or else it’s proof that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be.
The flip side is that it’s pretty suffocating to know that someone else is watching your every move and wants to know your every thought.
It’s enough to cause someone to be less than honest so they can breathe a little.
What to do instead?
Consider making a decision to trust him and affirming that decision out loud to him and to yourself. You could say, “I’m grateful to have such a trustworthy husband.”
People tend to rise to your expectation of them, so why not expect the best?
3. Create Emotional Safety
When Curtis was nearly five, his parents discovered that someone had written C-U-R-T-I-S on the wall in crayon.
When they asked him if he knew who had done that, he shook his head with a vehement “No! It wasn’t me.”
Curtis’s motives for lying were pretty obvious: he didn’t want to be punished for marking up the wall.
If he hadn’t feared an unpleasant consequence, he wouldn’t have bothered to lie. He would have just said, “Yep, that’s my name! Curtis!”
Same thing goes for your husband. If he doesn’t fear an unpleasant consequence, like being criticized, rejected or punished, then he will be free to tell you the truth.
Creating a culture of emotional safety is a powerful way to foster honesty.
If you find out he was with his friend Joe, who you think is a bad influence, and you say only, “How’s Joe doing?” (without rolling your eyes), then he learns that he doesn’t have to cover his tracks when he’s with Joe. He can just tell the truth.
That’s the magic of emotional safety.
4. Receive His Protection
To this day I sometimes get riled up hearing about the customers who don’t pay my husband’s business on time.
I’ve noticed he rarely mentions those slow payers anymore. So I brought it up, saying, “I haven’t heard much about your slow-paying customers lately.”
He replied, “I know you don’t like to hear about negative things, so I try to keep you from hearing the bad stuff if you don’t need to know about it.”
So sweet, right?
In other words, he was protecting me so I could focus on important things like the new paint color in my office and working on my mission to end world divorce.
My husband may have a slow-paying client right now, and it could be on his mind and I wouldn’t know about it. He’s not volunteering that because I don’t need to know. It doesn’t affect me.
You could argue that he’s less than forthcoming about that topic, and I’d say I probably need to work harder on step #1 of this blog, giving him autonomy, if I want to be included in that conversation.
But for the moment, I’m content not to hear about those slow payers. I see his decision to keep that aspect of his business to himself as protection, rather than lying by omission.
Once you create a culture of honesty in your relationship, you’ll rarely have suspicions or concerns about whether your husband is being honest and forthright.
As a fringe benefit, following the suggestions in this blog will also lead to more intimacy, connection and peace between you, and that’s no lie.
Hi! I’m Laura.
I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.
I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.
Husband Lies And Hides Things? (5 Alarming Reasons Why)
Does your husband constantly lie?
Are you wondering why he does this and what it could mean for your relationship?
Perhaps you’re wondering if you can trust him?
If so, read on. This guide offers some valuable advice to how to deal with this situation.
However, before we dive into the meat of this advice, I want to tell you about this incredible online tool I discovered.
With just a few of your partner’s details, this tool can offer up a huge database of their communications history.
You’ll discover what online services he’s signed up to, who he’s been frequently contacting and what contact details he’s registered, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Put simply, if he’s been cheating on you or engaging in other dishonest behaviour, this tool is likely to make it immediately clear.
The guide below will offer some more detailed tips for dealing with a liar.
We also address what you can do when you having a lying husband and how to tell if your spouse is lying in the first place.
What Lying Does To A Marriage?
Lying can do a number of corrosive things to a marriage or a relationship. Here we look at a few of the biggest issues that it can cause and what the result of that may be.
Lying Causes Lack Of Trust
Without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest issue that lying can do to a marriage is cause a huge amount of distrust. One of the main things that people look for in a partner is honesty and when that person lies, it can make trusting them hard – if not impossible.
Trust and being honest is perhaps the most important things that a relationship needs to stand the test of time. Being secretive and hiding things from one another will only cause pain in the long run and make a marriage far more hard work than it need to be.
Lying Causes Stress
It can be so stressful when you are married to someone who consistently lies to you. Their dishonesty can make you question your partner all the time and wonder whether they are telling the truth or going behind your back to hide things again.
Stress can therefore make it difficult for you to relax and enjoy the good parts about your relationship and the best bits of your partner. As a result, lying can be a hugely debilitating thing to occur in a relationship and can stop it from having any real future.
Lying Causes Resentment
One of the most negative feelings a wife and a husband can have towards each other is resentment. If your partner is forever lying to you, then it can cause a huge amount of animosity from the hurt that it can cause. When boundaries are crossed, or perhaps a partner is caught cheating on the other, it can be difficult to even know if you love that person anymore as you are so hurt by their reckless behavior.
It can get to the point that the lies just breed bitterness and antagonism between the two of you so that other problems just become bigger and bigger. Sometimes, if those problems get too big, it can be difficult to stay together.
Why Does My Husband Lie To Me About Little Things?
So why do people lie in relationships? And why does your husband lie to you about even the little things like what he watched on TV last night, or even what he got up to at work that day? It will vary from partner to partner, but there are often a number of common and sometimes alarming reasons why your partner will lie to you from time to time – if not all the time.
To Protect Your Feelings
Your partner may have the best intentions at heart when he lies to you about the little stuff. He may feel that by not telling you the truth, then he is actually sparing your feelings in the long run. He may also not feel the need to share the truth with you about any manner of issues going on in his life.
Men, on the whole, tend to not want to fight with their other halves. As such, they can often be caught lying as they likely did not tell the truth in the first place as it was easier simply to have lied. For example, if he said he was at work as opposed to the truth – that he was having a boys’ night out, he probably did not want to kick up a fuss.
This could be because you would have immediately assumed that a boys’ night meant flirting with other women. In situations like this, he probably just lied not to make a big deal out of something that he did not think was an issue.
He Doesn’t Want An Argument
A natural extension of a man’s propensity to lie for an easier life, you may find that your husband does not tell the truth as he simply does not want to cause an argument. The example of a boys’ night is pertinent in situations where your husband may be worried that you will get angry with what he is really doing. He may feel that keeping the truth a secret, he is simply saving your relationship a fight.
He Doesn’t Respect You
Sadly, men will often lie to a partner when they do not respect their other half. The reason that he does not tell you the truth is that he simply does not feel the need to give you the common courtesy of knowing the full picture. This can be really tough to deal with when you are in a relationship with someone that you love. But it does say a lot about the chances it has of lasting. If he doesn’t respect you now, he never will.
He May Want To Break Up
It may sound extreme, but a lying husband can be a clear sign that he does not see the relationship lasting. He is probably lying to you because he doesn’t see a future with you as his partner and he hasn’t got the energy to tell you the truth that may upset you or cause you pain. His hiding the truth can also be a sign that he has lost respect for you and that is why he is thinking about breaking up.
What Do You Do When Your Husband Lies To You?
Perhaps the key thing to do when you have a husband who is continually lying to you is to up the lines of communication with him and get him talking to you about your worries. In the best circumstances, he will hopefully be completely unaware of the hurt he is causing you and hopefully by hearing what you have to say, he will simply stop therefore and then.
In reality, this won’t be so immediate in most relationships. Firstly, it may have become a bad habit of his to lie to you and so he will find it hard to stop doing. Secondly, his lies will have hurt you in a number of ways that you will need to talk through to build up the trust and respect again your relationship.
However, without telling how his actions are making you feel, then there is no chance of your relationship ever being the partnership that you will have wanted it to be. You need to talk to your husband about your worries as quickly as possible – even if it is over very small white lies, but particularly so if you are worried that his is having an affair.
The longer the lies go on, the more damage and harm they may cause.
How Can You Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying?
There are a couple of ways that you can tell if your other half is lying and it is a good idea to keep an eye out for them – especially if you are trying to save your relationship. For starters, he will probably get his details mixed up when talking to you and may well be very vague about points that you question him on. In fact, he will probably get down right defensive if he is lying to you and you are trying to ascertain if he has told you the truth.
Another key way of seeing if your spouse is lying and not telling the truth is that he won’t look you in the eye when he is talking to you. They say that body language is actually the biggest conveyer of meaning and this is particularly true if someonee is lying to you. So look out for downcast eyes and if your husband’s hands are in his pockets. Hands that are fidgety are also a key indicator of lying and not being able to keep feet still is another.
Why Your Husband Lies And Hides The Truth- The Bottom Line
When your partner lies and keeps the truth from you, and you find out it can be very hurtful and very hard to recover from. This is understandably the case for if he has cheated on you or you think that his lies could mean that he might cheat on you and have an affair.
This is why it is so important to tackle dishonesty in a relationship head on so that any pain that they may cause a partner is minimised in future.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a perpetual liar? And have you ever had a partner that you felt may cheat on you as a result? Leave your comments and thoughts below as we would be happy to help you with other articles and features that we think could provide you with useful information.
I Caught My Husband Lying to Me. Instead of Getting Revenge, I Got a Better Marriage.
Although it seems like a lifetime ago, and definitely the life of another woman, I can easily recall when I realized my husband had been lying to me. How had I been so naive? I wondered. We were out of the honeymoon phase, but had not been married very long at all when I discovered the kinds of things that will break a marriage. I can still remember vividly the look on my husband’s face as regretful tears fell and he lay broken before me.
“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” He whispered.
But even more than I recall his shameful tears do I remember the astonished, unbelieving look on his face when I answered.
“No. No, I’m not.” I said. “I love you.”
And we just hugged and cried for a long time. I cried tears of grief at trust broken. He had lived a life I wasn’t even aware of, right underneath my nose.
The next year of marriage brought a new way to live out our covenant to God, and to one another. I spent a lot of time watching him through narrow, distrusting eyes, searching his pockets when I found his pants on the floor, or looking quickly through his phone when he walked away. If he got a phone call I needed to know who it was, and if he went somewhere I was chomping at the bit wondering where. I was a suspicious wife, and I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been. After all, his past actions had not been the stuff of saints. But then again, neither had mine.
I remember that period as one where I consistently felt like he was lying to me, even when he wasn’t, and I truly believe that my obvious distrust somehow pushed him to be more secretive just for spite. But I cannot say for sure. I just know that at some point as I looked up on a pill-finder website the information for an unrecognizable capsule I had found in his pocket that I realized it couldn’t continue like this for the long term. As I gazed at the website telling me the innocent origin of this acid reflux pill I had slyly discovered, I knew I had to let it go. Eventually you have to trust again. Eventually you have to surrender to God the things you cannot control. Eventually you have to stop worrying and start praying.
And so began my mission of intercession for my spouse and our marriage. It started with surrender, giving back to God what was rightfully His, and trusting the Lord with the aspects of my husband that I could not change. I stopped focusing so much on what he might be doing wrong and started working on what I could do right. But above all I prayed. I didn’t pray selfishly, asking God to change him for me. I prayed for my husband’s benefit, that he could be the man God had him to be.
Over the rest of that year I watched my marriage transform into something beautiful and pleasing to the Lord. I saw my husband grow in his personal relationship with Jesus, and that in turn drew him closer to me. We both spent so much time in the word of God that it began to bleed out into our relationship, and how we treated and saw one another changed. I stopped being suspicious because the Lord told me I needed to stop. I was allowing the past to infect the future, and I wasn’t giving him an inch. When I stopped trying to catch my husband in the wrong and instead prayed God would lead him right, things took on a different light. Although he never said it, I know my husband saw I was treating him differently. And as a bonus he began to be less secretive. He started living like an open book to his wife who was no longer trying to desperately riffle through the pages.
Our particular situation took rebuilding of trust among other things, but my determination to pray for my spouse has never ended. When you decide to live with someone through sickness and health, better or worse, forever then you have to allow some loss of control. As a woman you cannot hold the key to a happy, healthy marriage all to yourself. You have to hand over the reigns of the things you cannot control to God. Turns out your spouse is not your project and you cannot change him alone. But you can pray. And oh my goodness do prayers move mountains. Prayers break chains, prayers rebuild relationships and prayers change hearts. The power of a praying wife is nothing to be reckoned with, and an honest, selfless praying wife holds more influence in her marriage than she ever imagined. She finally has some real power in the relationship because she has entrusted it to God, and He is faithful to do more than a worrying wife could ever do on her own.
Even if trust issues don’t exist, the fact remains that men and women are different. Another human will never be the picture-perfect version of life you dream for, but they can be pretty fantastic. No amount of nagging will transform a personality, but prayer gets it pretty close. And then something wonderful happens when you commit to pray for your partner. You find somewhere along the way that God is changing your heart too. He’s refining you both for His service, and what He joins together no one can put asunder.
Prayer changes things. Isn’t that what they say? But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just get down on your knees and see what happens.
I’m sick of my husband lying to me about this woman
Dear Amy: My husband of 13 years is having boundary issues with a colleague. They became close when he had a depressive episode last year and confided in her instead of me.
He said a lot of things to her that made me uncomfortable, including comments about our relationship and our finances. I read his messages and have proof.
I confessed to him that I read his messages, and we talked about it. He said that he no longer considers her “a friend.”
I am still reading his messages because I don’t trust him, and today I read a reply from him to her where he said he would “love to see her.” He hasn’t told me about it. Hmmm. They aren’t friends? I don’t believe him.
We have a close and intimate partnership otherwise, and I never make him feel unsafe with his issues.
I know they don’t have a physical relationship, but I am sick of being lied to and don’t understand why he can’t just be open with me.
We both have therapists but can’t afford therapy together. I feel like I’ve already done the nuclear option and now I don’t know what else to do. I also know what I am doing is very bad, but I can’t just stop, knowing all this. What now?
Dear Wife: Your husband isn’t the only member of your household who has boundary issues. Your own choice to continue to violate his privacy is leaping over an important personal boundary that is affecting your relationship. Stop it.
Yes, he erred when he confided in his friend at work about your relationship and private life. His choice to do that denotes the possible first stages of an “emotional affair,” fostering emotional intimacy with someone other than his spouse.
Not to excuse his choice, but you might ask yourself why your husband confided in someone else when he was going through a tough time. You don’t mention what inspired you to monitor his communication in the first place, but you must explore how your behavior might be connected with his. You suggest that your relationship is otherwise great, but a next step might be for you to admit that, right now, it isn’t.
You are both vulnerable. Your husband “can’t be open” with you and you can’t seem to be honest with him. You aren’t the bad guy here, but maybe he isn’t, either.
Honesty entails more than just admitting that you caught him doing something you don’t want him to do. Tell him that you would like to work as an equal, flawed and vulnerable partner to rebuild trust, together.
You are each in therapy; you should definitely be in therapy together. Perhaps his therapist would agree to let you sit in for a session in order to communicate about this openly and in a mediated discussion.
Dear Amy: I was lucky enough to meet my spouse on a dating site.
We’ve enjoyed 11 years together (married for eight), and we are still going strong, even as the pandemic rolls along and we are together 24/7.
Here are my tips for online dating, passed on to me by all my other friends who did it before me:
- Don’t give them your address or phone number if you can avoid it until you meet in person.
- Meet in public and tell them you have an event later, so you have an “out” if you need it.
- You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.
- Don’t give up! The right one is out there!
Met my Match on OKC
Dear Met my Match: I appreciate your tips.
During my own phase of online matching, I reframed the experience by thinking of it as “practice.” This seemed to turn down the anxiety-volume enough for me to simply embrace meeting new people.
Dear Amy: I share your column regularly with my 11-year-old daughter.
She also happens to be a fashionista, and after reading the question from “Copied,” who was annoyed by her co-worker copying all of her outfits, my daughter suggested this solution: Why not do the nicest thing and offer to take this woman shopping?
Help her find and develop her own style. She is clearly trying to fit in, and has not had any assistance. This way both women gain!
Shopping in California
Dear Shopping: I’ve received a high volume of responses to this question, most of them agreeing with your daughter: This presents an opportunity to be nice.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
90,000 how to fix the situation and save the marriage ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov
“He lies like he breathes” – for some men, this statement is more than true. They are so accustomed to lying at every turn that they do it with or without reason. Most of the men who tell lies are married, who have become in the habit of hiding the real state of affairs from their legal spouses. Moreover, a man’s lie is not at all necessarily associated with treason or the real figure of wages. But even in this case, the wife should start to worry, try to understand why the husband is constantly lying, and decide how to deal with it.
From this article you will learn:
- Why does the husband constantly lie
- What are the types of husbands who love to lie
- What to do if the husband is constantly lying on little things
- How to understand that the husband is constantly lying to his wife and determine the presence of a mistress
- How to regain trust if you decide to forgive a husband who constantly lies
- How to teach a spouse to tell the truth
Why does a husband constantly lie
Everyone is different, and everyone has their own opinion about lying.Some believe that a lie for good is sometimes simply necessary. Others do not justify lying under any circumstances. Voltaire, for example, was an adherent of the first point of view, Kant – the second. But theory is theory, but what should a woman do if her husband is constantly lying? After all, such behavior of a spouse, whatever one may say, brings severe emotional suffering.
How to deal with this situation? The most important thing here is to try to calm down. If this is not done in time, then the situation can only worsen – by the same scandals.You need to coldly think about everything and try to understand how often the spouse tells a lie. Constantly or from time to time? And what is the reason for this?
In fact, the habit of cheating is born in a person almost from the first years of life. A child who was punished for the slightest reason tried to avoid it. And how can you achieve what you want, if not with the help of lies? By the way, this method of “protection” is often used in practice by quite adult, accomplished people.
Does your husband lie all the time? Ponder the situation calmly.Find out how things are. Two options are possible here:
- The spouse deceives everyone and always, he simply cannot live without it. Constantly lying to the boss, lying to friends, lying to you. Perhaps even he is aware of the entire incorrectness of his behavior, but is unable to solve the problem on his own. And in this case, only a consultation with a specialist will help. A psychotherapist or psychiatrist will determine the reason for such a tendency to lie and begin treatment.
- The second option – the spouse is lying exclusively to you.This means that there is some reason for such behavior. You may be overly controlling your husband. Where there is no trust, lies are born. And here it is already useless to turn to the advice of a psychologist. To fundamentally change the situation, you need to start with yourself.
If your husband is only cheating you, there must be reasons for that too. The main ones are as follows:
- Desire to maintain peace in the family. Some of the questions that your beloved spouse asks simply cannot be answered honestly.Otherwise, she will be offended, or even a scandal will roll. Think, how many husbands admit that the dress does not suit the faithful at all or does it make her look full? Or makes you look like a woman with reduced social responsibility? It is not difficult to deal with this kind of lies: you just need to make it clear to your husband that you can take criticism normally, without a rolling pin in your hands.
- Another reason why your husband is constantly lying is his desire to look better in your eyes than he really is.For example, more successful, smart, talented. How to prevent your spouse from inventing non-existent achievements? Very simple. Try to support him in all endeavors. And if criticism is required, then it must be benevolent, without comparisons like “Vasya finished only eight grades, and earns sixteen times more than you.” The husband, perhaps, will not change his attitude towards Vasya, but he will not forgive you for such claims. And in order not to hear such an assessment the next time, he will prefer to lie rather than tell the truth.
- Restriction of the husband’s freedom is another good reason for his constant lies. Not a single man in his mind will admit to his wife that he drank in the garage with friends, because this will be followed by an inevitable scandal. It’s easier to come up with an important meeting with partners.
- Almost from the same series, the husband’s constant lies due to the fact that the wife is against his meeting with friends. It will be safer to “stay late at work” than to “skip a couple of beers” at the bar. Everyone is calmer.
If you start to respect a man, do not limit his personal space (within reason, of course), then the benefits of such behavior will manifest itself almost immediately.The husband will stop constantly lying, because he will have no reason to do it. Most men prefer to see in their spouse not a strict mother, but a faithful friend.
Why men constantly lie, see the following video :
How to expose a husband who constantly lies
You are one hundred percent sure that your husband is constantly lying even on trifles, but you have no idea how to bring him to clean water? Include logic and attention. In fact, playing Sherlock Holmes is not that difficult.Pay attention to even the smallest details in your spouse’s stories, try to memorize them or even write them down.
Pathological liars are usually very good at what they do. Their stories are logical and consistent. But even in them, sooner or later, all sorts of inconsistencies appear.
In addition, the truth about a spouse can be heard in a friendly company. And if this truth does not paint a man in any way, he will have to invent various excuses. And to do it right away is not so easy.
It is easy to calculate a pathological liar by the following criteria:
- He is constantly getting confused in his “indications” . Some moments in the stories contradict each other. But if you notice this, then resentment cannot be avoided.
- Often such a man behaves covertly and closed . His friends can be counted on one hand, simply because they do not correspond to the picture of the world invented by a liar. People who are accustomed to constantly lying love to give advice to others, and it is extremely rare that these advice are effective.
- Constantly lying people without problems come up with new facts on the go .And they do it so skillfully that you believe them unconditionally.
There are situations when the husband is constantly lying, but at the same time you understand that he is doing it for a reason, and the person needs help. What to do in this case?
- Make it a rule to record your conversations, preferably not even in a notebook, but on a dictaphone, so that your husband does not have the opportunity to refuse his words.
- Having exposed your spouse in a lie, be sure to ask for what purpose he lied.
- Always listen carefully to a person – just in order to catch him in deception. Do not believe constant excuses, look for weak points in the story written for you. And be sure to get ready to be accused of unbelief, among other things.
Why is all this needed? The fact is that this demeanor will help you determine what kind of liar a man is. You will understand the reasons for what is happening and will be able to say for sure if this behavior is dangerous for your marriage.
Types of husbands who love to lie
Cheating by a loved one cannot be liked by definition. Moreover, he is capable of generating a storm of indignation, scandal and, in some cases, even separation. How can you live with someone you don’t believe? But even if the husband is constantly lying, the relationship can still be saved. The main thing is not to blame him for all mortal sins at once, but to sit down and calmly think about what can be done in this case.
First of all, try to find out how often your husband lies to you and for what reason he does it.According to psychologists, there are three “varieties” of the situation:
- Easy cheating on trifles. Does your husband constantly lie on little things? Well, yes, it’s unpleasant, but is it worth clarifying the relationship with quarrels and scandals? Perhaps your spouse just has a well-developed fantasy? Why not let your beloved man lie, especially if it does not harm anyone? Did he catch a fish that is not as big as he boasts, and in general, bought it in the market? Collected not two buckets of mushrooms, but half a basket? Do not offend your spouse, play along with him, or even make everything a joke.You will see that this will only benefit the relationship. The situation is more complicated with his love affairs, which, of course, were before you. It is not very pleasant to constantly hear this from your own spouse. In this case, it is better to remain silent, but in no case should he doubt his masculine strength, extraordinary charisma and powerful brutality. Such distrust hits pride, and a man will not forgive this.
- Pathological liar. What if my husband is lying all the time? The psychology of his behavior can be explained quite simply: he is a pathological liar.And, therefore, appropriate measures should be taken. According to experts, people who constantly deceive themselves sincerely believe in their stories. In most cases, this happens because a person has too low self-esteem. A man constantly lies not only to his wife. The victims of his deception are also colleagues, boss, friends and even just acquaintances. This behavior is largely due to the conditions of upbringing. Perhaps a person simply had to hide his mistakes, otherwise punishment from his parents was inevitable.No wonder they say that many men never grow up. The model of behavior learned in childhood is retained in more mature years.
By the way, a man could develop the habit of constantly lying “thanks to” the constant control of his ex-wife or mistress. The person did not want problems in the relationship and chose a similar way to avoid them. In order for the pathological liar to stop lying at every step, he needs the help of a qualified specialist. You are unlikely to be able to change the situation for the better on your own.
- The husband lies exclusively with his wife. A similar situation occurs all the time. And here, in most cases, it is not the character of the man, not the peculiarities of upbringing in childhood, but the relationship in the family that is to blame. And you need to change them first of all.
Recommended articles on this topic:
What to do if the husband is constantly lying on little things
It is especially unpleasant when the spouse is lying and does not see anything criminal in his behavior. This is doubly insulting. You can, of course, begin to control the faithful or try to pose as Miss Marple.But what if these methods are not to your liking? How to disaccustom a husband to constantly lie, using more “gentle” methods?
First of all, remember that no successful marriage is possible without full communication. Sometimes even strong scandals can be avoided if you just sit down and calmly talk with your husband. Someone might say that this method of solving problems is utterly banal. However, it is not. At a minimum, during the conversation, you can find out the reason why your husband is constantly lying to you.
Of course, it may happen that the spouse simply refuses to discuss this topic. This is unlikely to lead to an immediate divorce, but trust will be completely lost. And here there are only two ways out of this situation: either to accept reality as it is, or to think hard about the future of relations with a spouse.
Changing another person, and especially a man, is incredibly difficult. In most cases, this is simply unrealistic. But there is always the opportunity to change yourself.Talk to your husband about his constant lies and see if his behavior changes for the better after that. Has he stopped lying to you at every step, or has he just become much more cunning? Does he want to start working on himself at all? Or did he prefer to forget about the conversation?
Sometimes the husband is constantly lying simply because he cannot do otherwise. And no preventive conversations with a request to change for the better will help here. There are situations when only special therapies are able to correct the state of affairs.The main thing is that the person really wants to solve the problem.
The desire for pathological lies in psychology is called Munchausen’s syndrome . That is, by and large, it is a disease. And many diseases can be cured.
How to understand that a husband is constantly lying to his wife and determine the presence of a mistress
Marital fidelity is one of those whales on which a strong family stands. When the husband is constantly cheating and lying about it, for a while, his behavior can keep the marriage afloat.But as a result, everything secret becomes apparent. And if some women are still able to forgive infidelity, then a regular lie about the fact of infidelity leaves them no choice but to divorce.
However, according to some signs, it is still possible to determine at an early stage whether a spouse has a mistress or not.
- An unexpected desire to dress well and beautifully . Well-known American divorce lawyer Merlin Stowe believes that if a man suddenly begins to monitor his appearance (although he did not pay special attention to him before), this is a sure sign of treason.If a man had previously taken care of himself in this regard, then it is too early to sound the alarm. Perhaps he just decided to do it more carefully.
- The desire to keep a mobile phone with you at all times. It is possible that a man needs it for work. Or he is preparing a surprise for your dog’s birthday. But the likelihood that your husband is hiding something from you also cannot be discounted.
- There are no secrets in an ideal relationship between a man and a woman. But this happens only in a fairy tale, and before the start of the family life of the main characters.In fact, no one has canceled such a concept as personal space. However, everything is good in moderation. And the suddenly appeared password on the desktop, hidden, protected folders and files on the mobile phone can tell an attentive woman a lot. Of course, in the event that she is not the wife of an FSB colonel.
- In your husband’s conversation, female names or first names often slip through. Even a husband, who is constantly accustomed to lying and has achieved perfection in this matter, is not able to control himself constantly.If he likes some woman, then her name will come up in conversation one way or another. And here urgent measures should be taken until this name begins to randomly appear in the matrimonial bed.
- Lack or a sharp drop in sexual interest in your person. A sharp drop in the husband’s libido is also a reason to suspect him of treason. If the man stops wanting you, something is clearly wrong, but in the latter case, it is not so simple. The reason for this behavior of the spouse may not be that he has a mistress.It may be hiding in yourself. A woman with whom she became bored, who ceased to take care of herself and over time lost her external attractiveness, is hardly able to attract a man sexually.
How to regain trust and love if you decide to forgive your husband who is constantly lying
There are three main ways out. You can file for divorce. You can hide your head in the sand and pretend that nothing is happening. Or you can start fighting for your happiness.
You cannot live only in the past, you need to think about the future.This means that the time has come to take some steps.
If problems are ripe in the family, you need to solve them, and not hope that everything will resolve by itself. The husband constantly lies, cheats, but does not leave? This does not mean that it will always be so and that the situation must be reconciled. It’s time to take your destiny into your own hands.
There are several excellent ways to resolve the conflict without bringing the scandal case, or even to the decision “to stay with mom.” What is the right way to behave in such a situation?
- First, just talk.
More precisely, to talk – this will already be the second stage. On the first one, you should calm down, sit down and think carefully about everything. It’s never too late to have a fight. But maybe it will be more useful to competently prepare for the conversation?
First, you should try to restore emotional closeness with your husband. An invisible wall between the spouses will not promote mutual understanding, and positive results from a heart-to-heart conversation can not be expected. Try to get your husband to trust you again, especially if this feeling has long been lost.
Do not cling to stereotypes, boldly break them. After that, there will be a great chance that you will see your beloved with different eyes, and he will begin to treat you in a way that he has never treated before.
And remember: if the husband is constantly lying, then one conversation on this slippery topic will not be enough. After some time, you will have to talk again, and then again and again.
Someone will ask: why a lot of conversations, if all claims can be clearly expressed in 15 minutes, and then just see what happens?
The fact is that at one time you simply cannot convince your husband that it is time to change something in the relationship.Men are generally arranged in such a way that they quickly forget everything, and even more unpleasant things for them. While a woman constantly scrolls everything in her head, she cannot get rid of obsessive thoughts, she relives moments of resentment again and again.
If a spouse, even without any ulterior motives, told his beloved five years ago that short skirts do not suit her, he will remember such a phrase for a very, very long time. Perhaps even for the rest of your life. It would seem that the matter is not worth a penny, but such is women’s psychology, and nothing can be done about it.
The most interesting thing is that the man has long forgotten about what happened as a trifle that does not matter. And then suddenly, during another quarrel, his wife remembers his “joint”. And how should you react to this? If it is wrong, then the woman’s resentment will only intensify, her attitude towards her husband, albeit slightly, but again will worsen.
Women in general are emotional beings. Representatives of the stronger sex sometimes simply do not understand what is going on in the heads of their loved ones. And men need to follow their words especially closely, because any statement, even the most innocent at first glance, can cause an offense.
And then it remains only to wonder why the spouse does not show the same tenderness as before, why the beloved husband suddenly turned from a “cat” or “elephant” into something with horns and hooves. Men perceive such feminine coldness very painfully.
People living side by side for a long time begin to accumulate claims to each other – and nothing can be done about it. She accused him of being too addicted to alcohol, he did not notice her new hairstyle. The reasons may be different, but the result is the same: once strong relationships are cracking.
Spouses separate themselves from each other, for example, through work or hobbies. People literally become strangers and live side by side, largely due to habit.
If nothing is done in this situation, then the crack in the relationship will eventually turn into an abyss that will never be overcome. Therefore, you need to try to fix the situation until it is too late. In this particular case, sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk.
At the same time, whatever the reason for the overdue conversation, it is necessary to conduct it as calmly as possible, without mutual accusations and even less scandals.Look into each other’s eyes, hold hands and, perhaps, you will take the first step towards the relationship that you had once upon a time. Love can not only be won, but also returned. The main thing is to try very hard for this.
By the way, there is no need to return to the topic of the conversation the next day or in a week. It takes a certain amount of time to realize everything. And even if the conflict turned out over a trifle, the person should still carefully consider the situation. Only in this way will he be able to draw the right conclusions from what happened and begin to restore relations.
- Get ready for the next conversation .
Husband constantly lies about money, drinks and maybe even got a mistress? Quite a lot of real grievances and suspicions without suspicion can accumulate over the years together. Sometimes there are so many that you don’t even know where to start. In such a situation, it is better to take a pen and paper and write out everything point by point.
And it is good if both spouses do this. This practice will allow you not to break down on unfounded accusations and provoke a family scandal.
If you remember, there were more than enough unpleasant moments in life. You tried to forget about some of them, some faded from your memory yourself. But, unfortunately, they have not gone anywhere. And they can emerge from the depths of the mind at the most inopportune moment.
So that such things do not completely ruin your life, you need to get rid of them. And this can be done again with the help of a carefully prepared conversation.
My husband drank and lied constantly, but you tolerated it in silence? Afraid of losing your loved one or just not ready to start a new life with someone else? Much here, of course, depends on the character of the person.If the phlegmatic is hard enough to lose his temper, but the choleric flares up literally from one spark. As a result – a scandal, a divorce and a maiden name. Or an emotional breakdown, tears and – for the umpteenth time! – fragile peace in the family.
If you undeservedly insulted your spouse – of course, you should apologize to him. Even in the case when the offense was completely accidental. And if he sincerely forgives you, you can no longer remember what happened. Or remember only with humor.
- Make a list of mutual claims.
This is not exactly the same as a grudge list. Although, of course, the items in these lists may overlap. For example, if your husband is constantly lying, then this is a complaint and an insult at the same time.
But be careful with listing the qualities that you do not like in your life partner. Some moments you simply cannot endure, but with some weaknesses of your husband, reluctantly, you can come to terms. The key is to be honest when making your list. Perhaps your spouse does not even suspect that some things are just making you mad.
After all, everyone understands love in their own way. Some men are crazy when they are called “cats” and “pushechnik”. Others hate it. Some husbands want to be greeted at the door when they come home from work. Others understand that the wife is in the kitchen at the moment – she is trying, preparing dinner for him, and she simply does not have time for all sorts of nonsense.
The wife has her own desires. Some people like to be squeezed and hugged, as if the wedding has not yet taken place, and the child has not yet been born. Others think exclusively about the career of a businesswoman and consider all kinds of “calf tenderness” a waste of time.
- When each of the spouses has written their wishes on paper, it is time to discuss all this.
The most dangerous part of therapy, where you need to act very carefully. It may well happen that both spouses “risk” learning a lot about themselves.
For example, a wife may not suspect that her faithful person does not like the amount of cosmetics she uses. And the husband himself, it turns out, is constantly lying – and does not even suspect about it.The wife is waiting for thanks for her daily kitchen exploits. A man considers housework to be a holy duty of his wife, but he himself does not understand why he is not praised for helping his mother-in-law in the garden.
Sometimes a situation can be straightened out with a properly conducted conversation. But there are often cases when one conversation is clearly not enough – after all, the spouses face such problems in the relationship that they never dreamed of.
In this situation, it would be nice to find a topic that is close to both.You can talk about a future vacation or about children, about parents or a joint hobby. The main thing here is not to spend your evenings in silence.
Try to sort out your thoughts and feelings. This will make you emotionally stable. If you discuss troubling things with your husband, this will surely help you find a common language in slippery issues.
If you still have a drop of love for your husband, do not rush to radically change your life, looking for a man on the side. It may not be too late to fix everything.
Start doing everything together: relaxing, cleaning the house, cooking. In this case, the chance that old feelings will return is very high.
And one more tip. Do not bring your family relationships to the court of your friends. Firstly, all people are different – and the life experience of a friend will not help you. Secondly, even the best friends are “sworn”. And it’s not a fact that in fact they only wish you well.
What men really need from women, see the following video:
Tips to help your spouse tell the truth
If your husband is lying, try the following tips:
- If you are trying to constantly monitor spouse – get rid of this habit immediately.Imagine yourself in his place. Would you like it if your husband was jealous of you for every pole, called every half hour and checked your whereabouts? Each person should have room to maneuver.
- Does your husband lie all the time? Find the reason for this. Then sit down and discuss the problem with your spouse. Do it calmly, without “assaults” and scandals. Plan in advance the place and time for this conversation. For example, showdown in public will not lead to anything good.
- Try to let the man relax during the conversation.A comfortable, pacifying environment in many cases can prevent a looming conflict.
- Does your husband lie all the time, but does not feel guilty at the same time? Then you have a really difficult conversation ahead of you. Or even abandoning it. If the reason for the man’s constant lies is that he is simply indifferent to you, is it worth continuing the relationship?
- For a single case of lies, try to be as calm as possible. Discuss the situation with your husband and agree that this will not happen again.Try to trust each other in the future – in the overwhelming majority of cases, this is a guarantee of family preservation.
- If the reason for the husband’s constant lies lies in the field of psychology, then there is nothing left but to seek the help of a qualified specialist. For a start, you can do it yourself, without a spouse. The main thing is not to delay solving the problem.
Thank you for reading this article to the end
Hi, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov.I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
Most of all, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
IF A MAN LIES: PSYCHOLOGIST’S ADVICE WHAT TO DO IF A MAN CHANGES AND LIES | Psychology of a successful life
IF A MAN LIES: PSYCHOLOGIST’S ADVICE WHAT TO DO IF A MAN CHANGES AND LIES
In many families, discord occurs due to frequent male deceptions.What reasons make men constantly lie to their wives? And what decision to make if the husband is cheating and lying to his wife? If at least once a woman recognizes that her husband is lying to her, then it is difficult for her to continue to trust him completely. And a relationship in which mistrust reigns is close to collapse. What to do in order not to destroy the family, the advice of a psychologist in such a delicate matter?
Who is to blame for the fact that the husband is lying?
Each person perceives such a concept as a lie in his own way. According to psychologists, the reason for deception can be the unwillingness to upset a loved one.Some believe that if a man is lying to keep you calm and happy, then such a lie can be perceived as a blessing. In the opinion of other people, no reason can justify a lie.
For any woman to whom a loved one is lying, this situation looks like betrayal and misfortune. And immediately questions arise, what to do, why does a man tell a lie?
- The first advice of any psychologist – nothing can be done in emotions, as the result will be disastrous.First, you should calm down and only after that make any decisions;
- The next advice of a psychologist is to find out the reasons why a person is lying, and the frequency of such behavior. There can be two options: the husband is constantly lying to everyone, or the husband is lying only to his wife. For the representatives of the first case, deceit became a feature of their personality. If a person lies at every step for no reason or reason, then even the advice of a psychologist may be powerless. And if a man is a representative of the second case, then it is worth looking for the reasons for this behavior in his family life and relations with his wife.
For a relationship to be strong and long, a husband and wife must have mutual trust. To achieve this, psychologists advise to minimize each other’s control. According to many psychologists, a frequent reason that a man is lying is the woman herself, unnecessarily restricting his freedom. What should a woman do in this case? Try to change yourself, your view of control over everything and everyone, and only after waiting for a change in the relationship.
What are the reasons why a husband is lying to his wife?
If on the part of the husband there is a constant lie in family relations, then it is worthwhile to understand the reasons for this situation.Only with knowledge of the exact reasons can something be done to change this partner’s behavior.
- Many men prefer deception to truth, so as not to offend their wife. Women tend to ask him too many questions, in response to some of which, in order to maintain calm and silence in the relationship, the man lies;
- Advice from a psychologist in this case? In order not to force a man to lie, a woman must explain to him that she prefers truthful criticism, and not flattering and false words;
- In order for the wife to be proud of her husband’s successes, he periodically lies.First of all, this is manifested in the overestimation of achievements. Here psychologists advise women to pay attention to their exactingness towards their husbands. So that the partner has no reason to lie, the wife should support him in everything and say that she believes in him;
- Most often, a man tells a lie to his wife for unwillingness to bring the relationship to scandals and conflicts. According to the psychologist, the main reason is the wife herself, who restricts the freedom of her husband. And if, with such control, a person tries to do something on his own, without the participation of his wife, then there will certainly be a quarrel.Anyone in such a situation will decide to lie. According to the advice of a psychologist, in order to avoid such a problem, it is worth showing more confidence in the husband, without infringing on his personal space. In response, the man will lose the desire to cheat, and only honesty and truth will reign in the relationship;
- Often the husband lies for fear of being incomprehensible to his wife. If a woman does not share some of the interests of her husband and, moreover, criticizes them, then the man is cheating. The main advice of a psychologist will help to change the situation – there should be no reproaches in a relationship, but only a complete understanding of any hobbies and interests of the husband.
Remember! If a person is lying for one of the above reasons, then a woman should change herself towards a loving and understanding spouse who can help in any situation without asking unnecessary questions or criticizing.
What if cheating caused a man to lie?
The former reasons why a man is lying can upset and upset a woman, but there are simple ways to remedy the situation. When the reason for lying is the husband’s betrayal, then it becomes much more difficult to allow such a problem.Such behavior of a man will be regarded by a woman as a betrayal. If treason became the reason for the lie, then two situations are possible:
- If there is a Single betrayal and the man’s confession that it was a false step. In this case, most women listen to the advice of a psychologist and give forgiveness to their partner for the sake of preserving the family;
- If a man cheats regularly. In this situation, it is quite difficult to come to reconciliation, and therefore to save the relationship. Only if a person comes to the realization of his wrongness and a desire to correct everything, then with the help of a psychologist there is a chance to return the old relationship back.
What to do if your husband is cheating and at the same time lies – advice from a psychologist
Most of the reasons why a loved one is lying can be classified as harmless and can be easily corrected. But it often happens that a person blatantly lies, looking into the eyes and without the slightest redness. The most common reason for cheating is a husband’s cheating. What should a woman who is cheating on her husband do? How to find out for sure that cheating is taking place if a man is lying?
Having listened to the advice of a psychologist in such a difficult issue, a woman must independently make a decision that will be right for her.Some women manage to close their eyes to the fact that her husband is lying and cheating on her. But, others cannot come to terms with the role of a deceived wife and decide to leave. In order not to regret your decision in the future, you should carefully consider the whole situation and try to solve it differently.
Knowing that her husband is lying and cheating, a woman can use any of the following tips:
- Frank conversation with her husband. To save your husband from tantrums and scandal, you should choose a calm tone and try to talk peacefully about the problem.The man should understand that the purpose of your conversation is the desire to understand and make a general adult decision. Perhaps a man will have a desire to return the relationship to its former course and forget about deception and betrayal. Or you will be able to get a man to confess that he is cheating and does not see anything shameful in it. Then it will be a reason for a break;
- Scandal. To solve this problem, many of the women prefer scandal. But before doing this, it is worth listening to the advice of a psychologist that any hysteria and quarrel will not be able to resolve any situation in a positive way.Maybe the wife will be able to get some humility from the man, but the lie will not disappear from his lips. A scandal in such a situation will become an excuse for a man to find a more suitable lie, which does not allow revealing his betrayal. A man will skillfully turn into an ideal family man, from whom it will be more difficult to achieve the truth of confessions;
- The answer is a lie. If a man is lying and cheating, then help in such a situation can answer a lie. Thus, a woman can hope that a man will reflect on his actions and behavior.But what the result will be is difficult to say unequivocally.
Tip! If a person is dear to you, then it is worth helping to stop lying. But if the reason that he is lying is treason, then you do not need to get away with this and put up with the role of a deceived and devoted wife.
What to do in the end?
In search of an answer to the question of what to do if a man is lying, you should listen to the wise advice of a psychologist or make a decision with your own mind and strength. First, you should decide how dear your relationship with this man is.Sincere feelings and unwillingness to lose a loved one are aimed at taking all possible measures to change the situation in the family. Try to trust him, believe in his achievement, accept all his shortcomings, and then his habit of lying will disappear. If the husband does not get the desired response and does not have a desire to change the relationship for the better, the woman should stop beating against closed doors and decide to leave her husband. How to proceed is up to you.
System-vector psychology.What if my husband is lying all the time?
Some women consider lying to be a mortal sin. It cannot be said that they are wrong. They go overboard, of course, but still, lying is a really bad, unpleasant action. The problem is different – such women often come across liars on their way. In the worst case, the closest person, for example, a spouse, turns out to be such a pathological liar. A man who, it would seem, should be a support and a stone wall for his wife.When this happens for the first time, it becomes so unpleasant that it just turns inside out. And when the husband is constantly lying, even on trifles, he simply gives up. What is it? What is it for me? What to do? Why is the husband lying? There seems to be no answer to these questions. But this is not so, they are. Let’s look for them together with the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
- What are the reasons that the husband is constantly lying? What prompts him to cheat?
- Why does the husband lie on trifles, where the truth could be told?
- What if my husband is lying all the time? To try to catch or, perhaps, there are other methods of dealing with this problem?
- How to make the husband stop lying and become an honest person?
When a husband is constantly lying, the spectrum of his wife’s thoughts is very diverse: from “I’ll get divorced, that’s it!” to “how does it hurt to punish him?”And it would be okay if any of this somehow solved the problem, but no. Such thoughts often only lead to bewilderment, hostility, resentment. Obviously, it is necessary to unravel the tangle of husband’s lies from the other end. To begin with, with an analysis – why do husbands actually lie?
The husband is lying all the time: why is he doing this?
Everyone lives according to the principle of pleasure. If the husband lies all the time (and maybe even drinks, cheats at the same time), then in this way he is trying to get the pleasure that he lacks.He is looking somewhere on the side (in alcohol, with friends, with a mistress) a piece of happiness, no matter how strange this action may seem to others. And in order to stop this, it is necessary to understand precisely this reason for the shortage – what is he missing in this life?
“The child steals. How to educate a decent person? ”
In this, the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan comes to our aid, through this science we can accurately see the psychological portrait of a husband who is constantly lying.
This is almost always the owner of the skin vector, which by nature has great potential: flexible, fast, talkative, easily getting in touch with people, a good boss, an excellent earner.But this is only in potential. When his potential is not realized (in a pair or in society), suffering begins, which the leather worker, due to his speed and dexterity, seeks to remove right there, as they say, without leaving the cash register.
For example, the ideal working environment for a man with a cutaneous vector is where changes occur that need to be adapted. If the work is boring, monotonous, boring, such a man begins to look for a compensator in sexual relations. And if this option does not work with his wife (she does not accept variety), then he is looking for a mistress.Gradually, such a husband becomes impudent, constantly lies, cheats.
Another example, a man is realized at work, but his wife leans on him with reproaches, suspicion, tantrums or constant insults. The reasons for this can be varied – he does not like her mother, he does not pay enough attention to children, he is late at work. All this is really important, but by her negative reaction to them, the wife aggravates her own situation . A naturally flexible skinny man finds the easiest way to get away from his wife’s influence – first to laugh it off, and then to reject it.He begins to deliberately delay at work, prefers to meet with friends in order to spend less time at home. Naturally, at the same time, the husband constantly lies, avoids direct communication with his woman. Often all this is accompanied by alcohol abuse, which allows you to relax and forget.
The husband is constantly lying: what to do?
You need to understand what exactly lies for a person with a skin vector. This is just a way to quickly and without prejudice to yourself any situation to turn in your direction.When such a husband constantly lies, this does not mean that he has “no conscience” or “he does not love his wife.” This means that in this way he adapts the stress in which he is. It is the frequent lies, when the husband is lying on trifles, testifies to the fact that the psychological state of such a man is not in the best condition. And this means only one thing – smart wife can turn the situation in his direction. If he can give him what he needs.
When a person is happy, he will never do bad things, especially for a loved one.By becoming a support for her husband, understanding him, giving him a trusting relationship, any woman is able to keep the relationship from breaking up . Moreover, she is able to remove all negative habits and habits of a loved one without reproaches and hysterics.
A revolutionary recipe for all family problems today is offered by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan. Lectures on this science are held online and are available to everyone around the world. On them, listeners learn the reasons for the bad actions of other people: Why does the husband constantly lie? Why does the child steal? Why is the boss yelling “, etc.etc., etc. Understanding these reasons, any person (and especially – wise woman who wants to keep her family) begins to correct relationships with other people. Read here the reviews of hundreds of people, how it happened with them.
Introductory lectures are absolutely free, to attend them you only need to register using this link and wait for an invitation for the next dates of the next cycle.
Understanding the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is the most important factor in a happy life in a family.Today it is available to everyone without restrictions. Explore our library of materials on this topic, and also sign up to the newsletter in the form below – you are guaranteed to receive a lot of interesting information in each issue.
90,000 Psychologists found out who lies more often
Many people lie periodically. And the question of who does it more often was answered by American psychologists.
Why do people lie?
They cheat people in order to make an impression, to appear better than they really are.The lie works as a defense mechanism. This applies to women, men, and even children, who are often cunning when they say to their parents: “Yes, I did my homework!” On the other hand, lying is also an indicator of weakness and irresponsibility. So who lies more often: a man or a woman?
American psychologist Robert Feldman conducted an experiment, which consisted in the following: two people of different sexes were left in a room and their conversation was recorded on video.After the recording, they showed the participants and asked them to clarify which of what they said was a lie.
It turned out that people sometimes even to their favorite musical group said “Not exactly!” This wording clearly sympathized with them more than “Lies!”
According to the results of the experiment, ten minutes of conversation is 2.92 insufficiently accurately expressed facts, this is 60 percent of people who lie at least once! Both women and men needed a lie to make an impression, for the ease and simplicity of the dialogue.
But at the University of Pennsylvania, they scanned the brains of thousands of people of different sexes. Women, as it turned out, are better at understanding emotional messages, while men are better at taking action. For men, the left hemisphere is responsible for speech processing – the logical one, and for women – both!
What are the goals pursued by men and women
Men lie in order to present themselves in a better light, while women lie to make the interlocutor more pleasant, so as not to offend anyone.That is why girls lie as if for the good twice as often as men. It is estimated that women cheat up to thirty times a day!
Earlier, “Kubanskie Novosti” said that products can tell about a person who prefers them.
What if a husband or wife is lying – even on trifles?
No, well, it would still be fine – for some serious reason. It could still run like a “lie for the sake of salvation.” Or at least it wouldn’t look so stupid, huh? But what is this nonsense – to lie in the little things? And all the time.Well, you ate, relatively speaking, a sandwich that I was saving for myself – well, tell me honestly, no one will kill you. What are you now inventing, as if I ate it and did not notice?
Sound familiar? Let’s figure out what to do if a husband or wife is lying to you like that – in trifles, stupid, obviously and constantly.
You will read it in 3 minutes.
What does it really mean to lie about little things from a husband or wife?
Do you really think that your loved one himself does not understand that he is lying? Or that he does not understand how stupid and vulgar it looks?
Yes, he understands everything.He’s been poked at this so many times. Perhaps you too, by the way. Remember what happened?
But this is not a real attempt to deceive, manipulate. It would be a real attempt to deceive or manipulate, if it was just about that big and unfunny lie that does not look so stupid and which we talked about at the beginning of the article.
And lying about the little things is just a defensive reaction. The defensive reaction of a person who is nervous, who has long been heavily hammered by someone. And a lot will change if you treat it that way – and not as an attempt to “sneakily and despicably deceive you about that sandwich.”
Where do pathological liars come from?
The most common scenario for the emergence of “pathological liars” who lie everywhere and on trifles is the problem of parenting. There are those parents who immediately make too high demands on their children – and rigidly seek to fulfill them.
But these requirements cannot be met. And, in order to somehow protect himself from the screams, yells and punishments that follow non-compliance, the child learns to lie.To lie a little like this to look your best. So that he is not scolded.
And further – more. The person begins to be caught in a lie, to scold even more. But this is his defensive reaction, which he continues to use to somehow escape. And the more they convict and scold him, the more he lies.
Can you see that this is not funny at all?
You wouldn’t blame someone who stutters for the same reasons, would you? Perhaps, if someone began to scold such a person in front of you, you would also stand up for him – because well, how can you? Yes, pathological liars found themselves in such an uncomfortable situation.Everyone is protected – and they are branded to the maximum.
Is it possible to “retrain” a husband or wife so that they no longer lie?
Look at it this way. And do not injure the person additionally. Nothing terrible will happen from this petty lie. Seriously. One way or another, you have chosen this person – which means that the sum of his merits is higher than this disadvantage. If you don’t fixate on it like that, you can live your life happily with him, even if he continues to lie.
But complete inaction is not our way out.There is an opportunity to make sure that this person does not lie. At least for you. You just need to act gently.
What exactly cannot be done if they lie to you about trifles?
First, you need to stop all sorts of “exposure”, “catching in lies” and so on. Once again – do you really think that the person does not know that he is lying, does not know that it is easy to catch him, or does not know how ridiculous it looks?
It’s nervous. Like a stutter, like a twitching eye. Don’t blame the person for this. He has no malice.You only additionally drive him into stress, which, as you understand, will further result only in the same thing – in a defensive reaction, in lies.
Moreover, there is no need to “sort things out” publicly. In general, there is no need to sort things out publicly.
What must happen so that a person does not lie?
The person is lying because he feels a threat. Because he feels that you want something impossible from him – and when he does not cope with it, you will scold him. So prove to him that he can not expect a threat from you.Do not “get to the bottom of the truth”, do not blame him. Time will pass – and it is likely that in the end you will hear for the first time from him “listen, I lied, I’m sorry.”
Don’t try to achieve a harmonious and happy relationship through blame and violence. This is simply not possible. Take the training “The Psychology of Love Relationships” – and move towards your ideal calmly and effectively.
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90,000 What to do if the husband is lying
Each man is individual, as well as his attitude to lying.Some believe, like Voltaire, that it is possible to reassure a loved one with a lie, others admit “a lie for salvation,” others sincerely agree with the words of A.P. Chekhov that lies corrode the soul like rust.
Truth and untruth are philosophical concepts. Where is the line between despicable deception and annoying delusion, false fiction and violent imagination? What is the category for hiding the truth?
The reasoning can be continued endlessly.Let us leave speculative discussions to philosophers and admit a priori that it is ugly to deceive, all the more so, to your own wife. If a woman asked the question: “Why is her husband lying?”, Then she is experiencing obvious discomfort. Let’s try to figure out what to do and how to behave in this unpleasant situation.
Reasons why the husband is lying
When we are deceived by a loved one, we experience strong negative emotions. A note of distrust immediately creeps in, thoughts of betrayal and cooling of feelings arise.Before you start doing something, try to calm down, look at the situation from the outside. Do not immediately roll up a scandal, unbridled emotions will only worsen the relationship.
First, analyze the situation in detail, take a kind of time-out. Observe your husband distantly and find out how often and when he lies. Psychologists identify three possible options.
Easy twisting on trifles
If a man is not telling the truth about trifles, take it lightly.It is common for the stronger sex to weave fables, making achievements more significant and disadvantages more invisible. If your husband boasts of a bumper crop of harvested mushrooms or popularity with women, pretend to sincerely believe. Play along with him, let him feel like a noble earner, casanova, etc.
Don’t be jealous of fictional victories on the love front. If you begin to doubt his male consistency, you will involuntarily cause a desire to prove fiction with real facts. It’s easier to pretend you believe bravado.
If a man tells stories at the beginning of their acquaintance, he is trying to impress you in this way. It is a popular seduction tool for the modern macho. Be careful. Exorbitant promises “to get the moon from the sky”, “to throw the whole world at its feet”, to shower material goods from head to toe are often pure fiction. In order not to be disappointed later, try to draw a line between real possibilities and fictional ones.
In psychology, there is a model of behavior when a person is inclined to constantly tell a lie.Some experts believe that pathological liars differ from ordinary ones in confidence in the veracity of their fabrications. They selflessly lie, getting used to fictional images. Individuals with low self-esteem are most susceptible to pathological lies.
Such people always lie to everyone, without blushing: in the service – to the authorities, in the company – to friends, at home – to their wife. The habit of lying is fixed in the subconscious since childhood. If strict parents or educators scold, punish the child for the slightest sin, he begins to skillfully hide them.
Men are eternal children. They actively use similar behavior at a respectable age. Perhaps you have become hostage to your husband’s previous relationship with an overly demanding woman. Having got used to withholding the truth or telling half-truths, he transfers the learned pattern to you.
It is unlikely to wean the lies of a pathological liar without a qualified psychologist. It can be changed only by identifying the deep reason for deceiving. For a person to become sincere, he will need considerable volitional efforts.
Husband lies exclusively to his wife
It is this case that deserves careful consideration and concrete intervention. If a spouse turns into a liar when crossing the threshold of the home, the reason lies in the relationship of the couple.
There are several reasons for lying:
- Unwillingness to offend spouse
Attempts to protect a loved one from painful emotions are characteristic of delicate people.They try on the situation for themselves, and speak “sweet” lies in the eyes instead of the impartial truth. If you try to find out from a diplomat by nature whether an obviously unsuccessful hairstyle or dress suits you, then you yourself force him to deceive. Just be glad that your husband loves you so much that he doesn’t want to upset. If such cases begin to irritate, then you should act in two ways.
First, stop asking provocative questions, because a truthful answer is unlikely to change the hard-hitting reality.Second, explain to your husband that you value his independent opinion and that you will not be offended by constructive criticism.
If you feel that your husband doesn’t like the way you look or cook, but he continues to lie, try to change yourself. Master the culinary tricks, choose the winning hairstyle and dress style. Remember how the attitude of women changes after the magical transformations in “Fashionable Sentence”. If your husband tolerates, does not leave, it means that he loves you and expects positive changes, and not insults and accusations of lies.The best reward will be a truly deserved compliment: “You look great today!”
- Desire to look successful in the eyes of the wife
Artificially inflating your achievements indicates a desire to meet your expectations. Do not try to blind Arnold Schwarzenegger’s husband and Alain Delon in one person. Think if you are not overly critical of your husband’s career in his career? ”……………………………………………………?.?.?.??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Category???) Career?? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Instead of accusing you of not meeting the desired ideal, try to give wise and objective hints.Praise something good before pointing out mistakes. If you criticize, then carefully, dosed and to the point.
Wise psychologists advise never to compare a husband with more successful men. This painfully reflects on self-esteem, and in the future provokes a cooling of feelings. Support your husband in positive endeavors, become a strong rear. Learn to accept it along with flaws, and the reason for deception will disappear.
- Reluctance to touch upon a sensitive topic
A fairly common reason for excuses, ambiguity and uncertainty is a lack of willingness to discuss a topic of concern to a wife.The range of issues is quite wide: from everyday troubles to unwillingness to have children. What to do in such a situation? Fight not with the lies itself, but solve the problem that gives rise to it. As a rule, the wife instinctively senses what causes her spouse’s rejection. Raises the question point-blank or wait for possible changes – it’s up to you.
- Reluctance of negative consequences
It happens that the wife’s reaction to the truth is too violent and unpredictable: tears, screams, reproaches, blackmail, etc.In such situations, even honest husbands try to avoid scandals through false fabrications. When it comes to the acceptable rate, change your attitude. To keep your family together, try not to throw tantrums, quarrels, lecture, or threaten to move in with your mom. There are many calm and balanced women who will gladly take your place.
Psychologist’s advice: what to do if the husband is lying?
Perhaps you keep your spouse on a short leash: you keep calling, checking where he is and with whom, why is he 5 minutes late from work? Believe me, total control will certainly generate lies.The person has a personal safeguarding space that you invade too often.
No matter how difficult it is, give your half the freedom of action and movement. Otherwise, instead of everyday lies, there will be more serious reasons for concern. Respect your husband’s personality. Despite the clearly distinguishable stamp in your passport, it is not your undivided property. He has his own hobbies, friends, problems that he does not want to burden you with.
Let us illustrate the theory with an illustrative example.The tired man went with a friend to the bar after work and diluted the dinner with a mug of beer. The faithful traditionally meets him at the doorstep with the expected “Oh, well … !!!”. What is left to do? To lie to the rescue, that he was delayed at a meeting with partners, was forced to “sip a little”, as “it is accepted in corporate ethics.”
It also happens when a wife harasses her husband with jealousy. Asking in detail about relationships with women colleagues, you run the risk of hearing a fair amount of misinformation so as not to cheat on trifles.Try to show more trust and understanding. It really helps.
Drastic measures, how to wean the husband from lying
If the amount of noodles on your ears has exceeded imaginable limits, it’s time to move on to reciprocal maneuvers. Do the Mirror experiment. Start lying back. Impudently, openly, without a twinge of conscience and diplomatic exercises. Try to get used to the role of a pathological liar according to Stanislavsky, so that your husband believes and appreciates the scale of the problem.Psychologists claim that such a demonstration can convince more productively than requests and theoretical explanations.
Treason is the deadliest lie
The above types of lies do not add optimism, but patient and wise women will find strength and ways to reconcile with them. When it turns out that lies disguises treason, then few will be able to forgive and understand it. It is worth noting that if infidelity is of a single nature, the husband regrets her and asks for forgiveness, then it makes sense to try to rehabilitate the relationship.When the spouse is constantly cheating, hiding behind a network of endless lies, there is little hope for the preservation of the marriage.
Pass any advice from a psychologist through the prism of personal feelings. In nature, there are no 100% similar situations, as there are no universal answers. Wrong – does not make a relationship stronger, but in order to destroy them completely, it must be weighed down with good reasons. It’s all about how much you value a man and are interested in continuing the relationship.
If the lie has a harmless scale and is limited to the size of the caught pike, it is unproductive and pointless to look for a reason for divorce in it. When it comes to serious lies, constructive dialogue and redefining the relationship is recommended in most cases. It will not be difficult to correct situations with distrust, excessive criticism and fear of offending. If a lie hides constant betrayal and indifference, then even a heart-to-heart talk will not help get rid of it.
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90,000 Internet: Internet and Media: Lenta.ru
The man said that he secretly watched his wife in their bedroom all night to figure out if she was lying to him about the inability to sleep because of the cats. Reddit user UhOhSleepyThrowaway reported that he now had a falling out with his wife. However, in the comments, many supported her husband’s position.
According to the author of the publication, for a couple of months his wife had been complaining to him about cats and recently offered to abandon them altogether, otherwise she would divorce him. The woman assured that pets interfere with her sleep.“She said that she had to get up and open the door for them, that they constantly make loud noises that they jump at her in her sleep,” he recalled.
At the same time, UhOhSleepyThrowaway did not experience any problems with sleep. In response, the wife claimed that he was simply sleeping too deeply for animals to interfere with him. Once he got up to use the toilet in the middle of the night and in the morning he heard his wife’s story that then the cats also interfered with her.
Suspecting his beloved in a lie, he decided to secretly observe the situation at home all night.He made notes every half hour to confirm that he was awake. He noted that one cat jumped off the object at 3:18 am, and another ate food near the bedroom door at 4:57 am, but the spouse did not react in any way.
In the morning he heard from his wife that she woke up at least seven times because of pets. The man was extremely upset, as he realized that she was really lying to him. Having caught his wife in a lie, he heard from her in response what a moron he was, that he had decided to secretly watch her.
In the comments, the overwhelming majority of users agreed with the opinion of the author, who decided to check his wife. According to KrymsinTyde, the actions of the partner are similar to manipulation and if she does not like having cats at home, then it is better to say about it directly. Some also advised to talk to her and discuss the situation with a doctor, since the spouse may have sleep problems in which she sees pets.
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