What does it mean if your partner is bipolar? How can bipolar disorder affect intimacy, work, and finances in a relationship? Get insights on managing a bipolar relationship.

Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition characterized by intense mood changes. People with bipolar disorder experience episodes of mania or hypomania (an elevated emotional state) alternating with episodes of depression. There are two primary types of bipolar disorder:

Bipolar 1

Bipolar 1 is a more severe form of the illness, marked by manic episodes that may include hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, or require hospitalization for safety. During manic episodes, individuals with bipolar 1 may engage in impulsive and risky behaviors like excessive spending, drug use, or promiscuity.

Bipolar 2

Individuals with bipolar 2 experience hypomanic episodes, which include increased energy, rapid speech, and decreased need for sleep, but are not as extreme as the manic episodes of bipolar 1. During hypomanic episodes, they may obsessively pursue sex or stay up all night with creative ideas.

Treatment Challenges

Bipolar disorder is typically treated with a combination of medications and therapy. However, successful long-term management can be challenging, as many people with bipolar disorder view the elevated mood states of mania or hypomania as their “best selves” and may intentionally stop treatment to experience those moods again. Lack of sleep is a common trigger for manic episodes, and some individuals will purposefully skip sleep to induce an elevated mood.

The key to managing bipolar disorder is a commitment to ongoing treatment and communication with a psychiatrist. Medications like lithium can be effective, but finding the right treatment plan may require trial and error, especially for those with bipolar 2 who may not fully respond to standard bipolar medications.

Navigating Bipolar Relationships

Being in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can present unique challenges in various aspects of life:

Intimacy

During manic or hypomanic phases, your partner may desire frequent sex, masturbate more, or engage in risky sexual behaviors. However, during depressive episodes, they may avoid sexual contact altogether, which can feel confusing or rejecting. Medications for bipolar disorder can also lower sex drive.

Work

Severe mood swings, as well as manic symptoms like poor judgment and impulsivity or depressive symptoms like low energy and disinterest, can make it difficult for your partner to perform well at work. Stressful work environments may also trigger or exacerbate bipolar episodes.

Finances

Manic episodes can lead to impulsive and risky financial decisions, such as excessive spending or gambling. Depressive episodes may result in difficulty managing day-to-day finances or earning a stable income. This can put a significant strain on the relationship.

Supporting Your Bipolar Partner

What can you do to support your partner and strengthen your relationship when dealing with bipolar disorder? Here are some key strategies:

Educate Yourself

Understand the symptoms, causes, and treatment of bipolar disorder. This will help you better recognize and respond to your partner’s mood episodes.

Encourage Treatment Adherence

Encourage your partner to consistently take their medication and attend therapy sessions. Offer to attend appointments with them to provide additional support.

Communicate Openly

Have ongoing conversations about your partner’s symptoms, triggers, and needs. Work together to develop coping strategies and establish boundaries when necessary.

Provide Emotional Support

Be patient, understanding, and non-judgmental. Offer a listening ear and help your partner feel heard and validated, even during difficult episodes.

Prioritize Self-Care

Remember to take care of your own well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to manage the stress and challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder.

Building a Healthy Bipolar Relationship

With understanding, communication, and a commitment to treatment, it is possible to have a successful and fulfilling relationship with a partner who has bipolar disorder. By working together to manage the condition, you can create a stable and loving partnership that withstands the ups and downs.

Bipolar Relationships: What to Expect

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Ups and downs are natural in any romantic relationship, but when your partner has bipolar disorder it can feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Not knowing what to expect each day is stressful and tiring. Over time, it wears on the relationship.

Understanding why your partner acts out sometimes or becomes withdrawn is the first supportive step you can take in strengthening your relationship. Learn exactly what a bipolar diagnosis means, how it could affect your partner’s behavior and what you can do to foster a healthy, stable relationship.

What does it mean if your partner is bipolar?

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition marked by intense mood changes. People with the illness switch back and forth from mania or hypomania (an emotional state of being energetic and gleeful or sometimes aggressive or delusional) to having episodes of depression.

The lifelong condition tends to run in families, although the cause of bipolar disease is unknown. However, it can often be successfully managed through treatment. There are two primary types of bipolar disorder:

Bipolar 1

Bipolar 1 is a more severe form of the illness and is defined by manic episodes that have one of these characteristics:

• Hallucinations, delusions or paranoia
• Hospitalization required for safety
• Impulsive behavior with significant consequences

“When people are manic, they pursue pleasurable activities with great enthusiasm and with no regard for the consequences,” says Jennifer Payne, M.D., psychiatrist and director of the Women’s Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins Medicine. “They may gamble, spend excessive amounts of money, use drugs or become promiscuous.”

Bipolar 2

People with bipolar 2 experience hypomanic episodes, which still include out-of-character behavior but aren’t as extreme as those with bipolar 1. Hypomanic episodes may include:

• Increased energy and drive.
• Rapid speech.
• Decreased need for sleep.

“During hypomanic episodes, a partner with bipolar 2 may obsessively pursue sex with you or others,” says Payne. “They may stay up all night and have lots of wonderful ideas they want to tell you about at 3 a.m.”

Treatment Challenges

Bipolar disorder is usually treated with a combination of medications and therapy. However, successful treatment can be a challenge since many people miss the euphoria and energy of manic episodes.

Often people with bipolar disorder view these elevated mood states as their best selves — when they’re the most productive or creative — and will stop treatment in order to experience that again. Sometimes those with bipolar disorder will even intentionally trigger a manic episode.

“Lack of sleep is a trigger of manic episodes for a lot of people,” says Payne. “Sometimes patients with bipolar disorder will deliberately skip getting the sleep they need in order to initiate an elevated mood state. For example, a person might want the high energy that comes with a manic episode to get a project done.”

The key to your partner’s successful management of the illness is a commitment to continuing treatment and ongoing communication with their psychiatrist. This can take place at therapy sessions, during regular checkups or whenever necessary to discuss troubling symptoms.

Many people with bipolar 1 do well on lithium, a mood-stabilizing drug. Those with bipolar 2 may not fully respond to medications often used to treat bipolar disorder. If that’s the case for your partner, it’s important for them to continue to work with their psychiatrist to find an effective treatment.

Being in a Relationship with Someone Who Is Bipolar

There are certainly challenges in any romantic relationship, but bipolar disorder can make things especially difficult in various aspects of life:

Intimacy

It’s common for people with bipolar disorder to desire frequent sex during manic or hypomanic phases. Your partner may initiate intimacy much more than normal, or masturbate or use pornography more frequently than usual. Those with bipolar disorder may also engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex or extramarital affairs while manic.

During episodes of depression, your partner may avoid sexual contact altogether. This can be confusing or feel like rejection, especially if your partner recently desired lots of sexual activity during a manic or hypomanic period. Many medications for bipolar disorder can also lower sex drive.

Work

Your partner’s ability to perform well at work can be affected by bipolar disorder. Severe mood swings, along with manic symptoms such as poor judgement and impulsivity, or depressive symptoms such as low energy and disinterest make it tough to find and maintain a job. Stressors at work may also trigger or exacerbate your partner’s symptoms. If your partner can’t hold down a job, this could put more pressure on you to provide financial support until their illness is well-managed.

Parenting

Many people consider parenting the most stressful (albeit rewarding) job of their lives. But any kind of stressor — good or bad — has potential to trigger manic or depressive episodes for people with bipolar disorder.

In addition, the erratic behavior associated with bipolar disorder can be confusing and scary to children, who look to parents to provide stability. Helping your partner get and maintain treatment to control symptoms is crucial for providing a safe and secure home for children.

How to Make a Bipolar Relationship Work

It takes effort to keep any relationship strong, but it can be especially challenging when your partner has bipolar disorder. Payne offers these recommendations:

Go to Couples Counseling

Couples counseling is essential for working through upset over a bipolar partner’s actions. It’s common for someone with bipolar disorder to hurt and offend their partner. When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed. Couples counseling can help you:

• Understand that there’s an illness involved in the hurtful behavior.
• Forgive the behavior that happened during an altered mood state.
• Set boundaries with a partner about maintaining treatment.

Get Involved with Treatment

Ask if you can be involved with your partner’s treatment, which may include occasionally going to the psychiatrist together. Being a part of your partner’s treatment has multiple benefits, including:

• Gaining a better understanding of the illness.
• Providing additional insight for the psychiatrist.
• Learning to spot signs of impending episodes.
• Alerting the psychiatrist about mood changes.

Even if your partner hasn’t signed off on you exchanging information with their psychiatrist, you can still report worrisome signs (the doctor just won’t be able to tell you anything). This gives the doctor a chance to make quick medication changes that may help your partner avoid being hospitalized.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care gets a lot of buzz these days, but nowhere is it more important than when you’re caring for someone with a serious illness such as bipolar disorder. It’s essential to dedicate time to your own physical and mental health, whether that’s going to a support group, talking to a therapist or attending a yoga class.

Being in a healthy relationship with someone with bipolar disorder requires not only careful management of their illness, but also setting aside time to take good care of yourself.

Living with Someone with Bipolar Disorder

Just when you think things are going well for you and your loved one, your partner enters a manic phase and the rug is pulled out from underneath both of you and your worlds are upside down. As someone living with a significant other with bipolar disorder, not only is it a challenge for the individual, but also for their family, friends and caregivers. In a recent NAMI meeting I attended, the parents of children with bipolar disorder shared their experiences with the sudden changes in behavior that make each day, week and month a challenge. Your world is suddenly unpredictable at best.

Even when your partner, child or friend with bipolar disorder is well, you are constantly on your guard, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You listen to each word, phrase and watch every action looking for cues that something bad is about to happen. The fear of the next crisis is always in the back of your mind. Your life is similar to a “roller coaster” ride; small ups and downs are followed by sudden drops and severe climbs, only to fall again. Never knowing what to expect, you as the caregiver are always on a heightened state of readiness. Over time this level of stress will sap your strength, both physical and emotional. The slightest move in a positive direction will provide hope and the fuel your need to handle the next negative situation. Sometimes you yourself will crash and need to take a mental health break or consult with a behavioral professional to regain your equilibrium.

One of the keys to your survival as a caregiver is to see bipolar disorder as a disease of the brain, not just a mental illness. Be angry at the disease, the illness and not the person who is afflicted. The love of your life or your child is suffering terribly and you in many ways are feeling scared, confused and helpless. Your perception is that you have no control over the situation. That is true, but you have power, the power to advocate for their right to receive the care they require from their medical team. Use that power and you can provide the emotional support they need fight the fight. Remain consistent in how you relate to your significant other, which is most difficult when you find yourself under constant stress.

The treatment of bipolar disorder is difficult by itself, but when coupled with OCD or other conditions, such as substance abuse, it becomes extremely difficult. As their advocate, there will be times you need to challenge the doctors in a positive manner as to their therapeutic approach. You have seen your loved one when they were good and when they were bad. You have their medication history, knowledge of their previous hospital stays and access to their medical records. You know what has worked and what didn’t work regarding their treatments and medicines. Don’t be afraid to share that information with the doctors, it will aid them in treating your loved one.

As the significant other, husband, wife, daughter, brother or wife you need to work diligently to maintain your health during this period of illness. Being a caregiver is a great responsibility and also a drain on your emotions and health. Above all, you must take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. You need to access the services of a behavioral professional to ensure you have an outlet for your frustrations and concerns. You may need medication to aid you in recovering from the strains of being a caregiver. Joining a support group through NAMI or another community organization will provide the information, training, references and emotional support you need to continue the journey. You need to sleep, eat right and exercise in order to maintain your strength and health. Know that some of your friends will understand your plight but others will not be able to identify with your situation. Be aware that mental health challenges are very scary to people who have not been exposed to someone who has one. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your friends, help them understand your situation. Don’t isolate yourself from your community; this is the time when you need to be socializing. You need their emotional support to make it through this period of uncertainty.

Guilt and shame needs to be confronted and discussed with your behavioral professional. As the significant other, child or caregiver, you feel a great sense of guilt that you cannot do more for the one affected with bipolar. Helplessness turns into guilt, which is not an emotion you want to deal with alone. When this feeling sets in, it is time to get professional assistance. There is nothing to be shamed about, remember it is a disease that can passed on from one generation to another. Your behavior as a parent, husband wife or sibling is not responsible for their bipolar disease.

One other feeling you need to confront is “giving up” and the desire to leave the situation. Running from a problem is an option, but never a solution. You may have these thoughts, but you need to discuss them with a behavioral professional. I am aware of a number of divorces in which the wife or husband could not cope and abandoned their significant other. You need to marshal your resources, stay the course and fight this disease. When the opportunity presents itself, step up and help someone who needs help. Sharing your strength with your loved one is critical, but you need to save some for yourself. One day someone will step up for you.

Remember the disease is the “enemy” not your loved one. Fight the disease, but embrace your loved one, let them know you are there for them and understand they are the one suffering. This is a battle that you will eventually win. Research into bipolar is ongoing and there will always be new drugs that will help fight this disease. This is not a race, but a marathon.

Have faith and hope!

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What is it like to have a spouse with bipolar disorder?

Author Masha Pushkina, psychoeducator Views 132 Published 07/12/2017 Updated 09/21/2020

I mourn my husband, Jeff. It has so much zest for life. And he did not run away from the city in an embrace with a young girl. But he left me. Jeff was diagnosed with late-onset bipolar disorder a couple of years ago.

The funny, loving, gentle man I once knew disappeared after being diagnosed. And the new person who appeared was a stranger to me.

Most people with bipolar disorder have mood cycles ranging from severe depression to high levels of mania. Jeff, on the other hand, most often had a state of mania. When this happens, it is usually referred to as unipolar mania.

Doctors cannot say exactly what causes the disease. It is widely believed that it occurs when hormones in the brain are not working as they should. Stress or trauma can trigger the onset of the disease. Also, the reason may be hidden in genetics. However, Jeff had no relatives with the same disease.

We tend to associate bipolar disorder with the younger generation. Most often, this diagnosis is made to people from 20 to 40 years old. Late diagnosis is a disease that manifests itself after 50 years. Jeff had his first symptoms when he was in his 60s, which is even rarer.

First Signs of Trouble

It’s hard to say when Jeff first started showing symptoms of bipolar disorder. At the end of 2010, he took early retirement and we moved to another state – an example of a drastic change in life that may have played a role in the onset of the disease.

During 2011, Jeff became more and more lethargic and started drinking heavily. I was annoyed by his lack of ability to interact with society or even make the simplest decisions, but I did not notice that alcohol was a problem. However, after the summer of 2013, we both realized that his addiction to alcohol was out of control. He immediately signed up for treatment at an alcoholic outpatient center and hasn’t drank since.

At first, his refusal to drink changed everything for the better. Jeff has a lot of energy and enthusiasm. He became more sociable and easily involved in social activities. At the same time, he often began to immerse himself in himself. In retrospect, a constant desire for activity, irrational ideas, and an apparent inability to think of anyone other than oneself may have been the first symptoms of mania. Lethargy and alcoholism could also be signs of bipolar disorder.

In the fall of 2013, Jeff fell ill. That September, he had surgery to remove prostate cancer. In January, he suffered from pericarditis constriction, a serious heart condition. He was in critical condition and survived several surgeries. The last one was in August 2014. He had most of his pericardium removed and, despite the fact that this removed most of his symptoms, he was left with chronic heart failure.

Something was clearly wrong

In August 2014, while Jeff was in complete chaos, he had about a week of enlightenment, but at the same time, strange mental symptoms appeared. He was talking nonsense, constantly repeating the same thing. He dreamed up wild scenarios for his future, like filming a self-massage video that would make him rich.

No diagnosis was made for this episode, although he may have been psychotic. Psychosis is a mental state that affects approximately 55% of people with bipolar disorder. It was scary to watch this develop. Will he return to normal? The doctors didn’t know.

Jeff’s mental state was deteriorating, his physical health was so undermined that it was decided to perform a heart operation immediately. The operation was largely successful and the most dangerous symptoms receded. But while Jeff’s physical condition improved, his mental state became quite unstable.

Out of control behavior

Jeff has always been extremely careful with money and paying bills. But when he got involved with a musical group, he started buying musical and stage equipment.

In November 2015, I learned that the bills had not been paid for the past few months. And it wasn’t just out of forgetfulness. Checks began to pile up and fees for non-payment became astronomical.

He spent 5 hours and hundreds of dollars on one trip to the grocery store. Amazon and eBay were his constant companions during sleepless nights. Most of the time, he didn’t even remember what he had ordered.

A UPS courier delivered packages to Jeff daily. The tension between us was growing, Jeff had a mailbox at the nearest UPS branch, so I didn’t know what he was buying.

Jeff always collected rubbish, and I was a tidy person. And we got on very well with it for many years. But my “new” husband turned out to be a full-blown hoarder, like those TV characters whose houses are filled with mountains of all sorts of things. Shopping and trash began to fill the house and backyard. They even filled the garage.
He also began to “repair” everything he could reach. Despite the fact that he did an excellent job with this activity before his illness, everything changed. He broke the air conditioning and heating. Then he switched to the electrical panel, turning off the lights in the room and in the garage. I don’t have the slightest idea why he stopped doing the things he was good at in the past. When I advised him something or made suggestions, he got angry.

Toxic life

While Jeff was tinkering with the electrical box, I found that he had plugged live wires into an extension cord and taped them together. Because the heating was broken, he bought room heaters and threw paper in front of them.

Our house has become an obstacle course. One day I entered a dark corridor without seeing where I was going. Jeff left the basement entrance open. As a result of the fall, I received a disgusting head wound and a painful fracture of the humerus.

Our house is no longer safe. Our children, who lived in other states, began to beg me to leave it. The financial situation, the state of the house, and concerns about Jeff’s physical condition made the move impossible. But inaction was no easier.

Expression of dissatisfaction

For me, the basis of my relationship with Jeff was an uncompromising trust in him. It has always made me feel loved. I was sure of it. Bipolar disorder changed everything.

Jeff became irritable and angry. It was impossible to talk to him about his behavior or actions, and I became a “bad wife.” He completely immersed himself in himself and was on edge. All conversations revolved around him. Every day gave rise to more and more quarrels and confrontations. Anger and disappointment caused pain and guilt. I began to suffer from feelings of anxiety and hopelessness.

Diagnosis

At some point, Jeff realized that something was wrong. He agreed to professional help in the fall of 2015. Unfortunately, there were few psychiatrists in our hospitals and only a few of them accepted under our insurance.

In November 2015, Jeff finally met with a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication. He lost consciousness from one drug and then refused to take it. Long intervals between doctor’s appointments hindered attempts to change therapy to find something effective. Jeff soon lost interest in getting help and medication. As is characteristic of people with bipolar disorder, mania seemed much more pleasant to him than scheduled medication. Despite my requests, he still does not take medication and does not go to a specialist.

Current state of affairs

I miss my husband terribly, but I don’t want to live in constant fear and irritation.
6 months after Jeff came home and announced that he had filed for bankruptcy, we decided to separate by court order. At least it saved my savings. Our marriage ended on September 17, 2015, 3 days before our 20th anniversary. The irony of the situation upset me. Jeff forgot the date.

Earlier that year, Jeff moved to the West Coast, where his parents live. With the help of the children, I was able to get rid of the pile of rubbish in the house and fix what was broken. I put the house up for sale and quickly got rid of it.

Now I live alone in a southern town, not far from my eldest daughter and her family. My financial condition is precarious. I still can’t recover from the chaos and sadness of losing my spouse.

The number of divorces in families where one of the spouses suffers from bipolar disorder reaches 90%. Some succeed in building relationships, but for this it is extremely important that one condition is met: the spouse must agree to mental health care and medication.

Jeff and I talk on the phone a couple of times a week and text almost every day. I try to keep abreast of his health and encourage him to seek the help he needs. I’m worried that, in addition to the manic episodes, he also developed depressive symptoms of bipolar disorder. I am very concerned about his mental health.

I don’t know what the future holds for me and Jeff. I miss my husband terribly, but I do not want to be in constant fear and irritation that haunted me in the last years of our life together. After a phone call, I sometimes feel like I’m talking to a loving husband again, the guy I married before he got bipolar. And that’s what hurts me the most.

Susan York Morris
[link]Original [/link]
Translation: Angelina Maslova

Is it possible to be happy in a marriage where one of the spouses is mentally ill? Both, having graduated from universities, worked, lived separately from their parents. And six years later, Alina suddenly fell ill.

On the eve of the New Year, Alina’s father suddenly died of a heart attack. The funeral took place, and then Anatoly began to notice that something strange was happening to his wife.

“My father had died a few years before, and I was crying like crazy,” he recalls. – And Alina did not shed even a tear – apparently, this is how she was brought up in the family: you can’t show feelings. Then I still thought: “Wow, how is she holding on!”

But the next day after the funeral, Anatoly found his wife crying over an album of photographs. And after a couple of days, she began to stubbornly assert: her father was killed. On this occasion, they even had a little fight – Anatoly asked his wife not to say stupid things.

A few more days passed, Alina calmed down. And a week after the funeral, unexpectedly for everyone … she opened the window and jumped out.

“I ran down from our fifth floor, fully convinced that there was a corpse below,” recalls Anatoly, “and suddenly I saw that she was alive!”

It turned out that despite the height from which she fell, Alina escaped with several fractures.

One of the neighbors called an ambulance, the woman was taken to the hospital.

“And then I believed in God,” Anatoly added.

“The pit is deep, but you can climb out and live a normal life”

At the hospital, doctors treated Alina’s fractures. The fact that the patient was talking was noticed later. The surgeons called a psychiatrist to the patient, he prescribed pills, but after a while they were canceled.

Of course, doctors should consult with each other, but Alina then drank a lot of medicines for bone fusion, and the attending physician simply did not begin to find out their compatibility with psychotropic drugs. Alina got worse, sometimes she was delusional, sometimes she just screamed.

“At first, I was very distracted by the fact that I had to do rehabilitation. I was looking for doctors who would help my wife develop her arms and legs, – says Anatoly. – But at times despair covered – like a person next to you, but at the same time – this is not him, and the former is completely gone. I looked at my wife in horror: “God, what is wrong with her?”

Later, Alina was transferred from surgery to traumatology, and when she was discharged, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia (apparently, this is how the first psychiatrist designated it). Fortunately, acquaintances helped to find a good private specialist, who reassured all those close to him a little, explaining that in the old psychiatric school this diagnosis was interpreted very broadly.

“Most likely, your wife has a manic-depressive psychosis (now Alina’s diagnosis sounds like “psychosis on the background of bipolar affective disorder, BAD” – ed. ), – said the doctor. “The pit is deep, but you can crawl out of it and live an almost normal life.”

“Get a divorce, no, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t go to the temple at that time, but for some reason I was already sure that marriage is concluded once and for life, – Anatoly explains. – Probably, there were too many divorced relatives around me.

Then, when he began to go to church, the thought appeared that Alina should be baptized and married as soon as possible.”

“Sometimes you just have to wait a couple of days, and Alina will “come back””

Within a few months, Alina was walking without crutches, she completely recovered physically. And mental problems have since become permanent. Doctors were found, drugs were selected, but all this did not cancel the periods when the depressed state was replaced by a terrible euphoria. It used to be that acquaintances asked Anatoly in bewilderment: “What is going on with you? Alina called me yesterday, she seems to be completely drunk.

A couple more years passed, the couple started going to church and got married. In general, Alina felt better, although there were several breakdowns, after which she ended up in the hospital.

“During exacerbations, I became my wife’s enemy No. 1, this was perhaps the most difficult. But, in general, if you adapt to the disease, then you can live, – says Anatoly. “I know that if a severe attack begins, you need to call the doctors, wait a few days, and then Alina will come to her senses, “come back.”

He considers it very important in Alina’s life that over time she herself learned to recognize signs of deterioration in herself. Sometimes she herself called the doctor, agreed that she would come for hospitalization. “It’s true,” Anatoly scolds the doctors, “several times, instead of immediately injecting his wife with a drug that helps her, they tried to prescribe “easier” pills – and then a few days later Alina was admitted to the hospital in a serious condition. ”

Over the past years, Anatoly himself has learned to navigate well in medicines, and in doctors, and in the states of his wife. Perhaps, largely due to such attentiveness, Alina has not had psychosis with being admitted to the hospital for several years.

“Our situation is greatly facilitated by the fact that, despite her illness, Alina has survived as a person, she is the same, she has criticism of her own condition. She reads all the new literature that comes out on bipolar disorder.

We have not lost contact, we go to exhibitions together, to the conservatory, to visit relatives, we go to the country. Alina is an excellent housekeeper, reads a lot, sometimes works – gives mathematics lessons to private students, ”says Anatoly.

“I don’t advertise my wife’s illness to outsiders, everyone is aware of my own”

Most of the spouses’ relatives know about Alina’s illness. “It all started with such a terrible event that friends and relatives were aware,” recalls Anatoly. “And, of course, I try not to tell outsiders about Alina’s illness – why, because the attitude to mental illness in our society is still tense.”

It’s also lucky that Anatoly’s wife’s illness does not prevent him from working.

“I only had to ask for time off a few times – once Alina was in the hospital and I had to go to her urgently. Then I went to the authorities and asked them to let me go for two days. I don’t even remember any other special cases.

Now Anatoly is thinking more not about his wife’s illness, but about some of her attitudes, rules of life that could lead to this illness. For example, the fact that Alina is very worried, but always inside, does not express feelings outwardly. “Since childhood, she grew up with the idea that you shouldn’t cry in front of people. But crying when you’re grieving is just fine! – says Anatoly. “Or the fact that, if something happens, she immediately begins to save everyone, even when people do not ask for help.”

When asked whether he himself sometimes feels the need to talk to someone close about his wife’s illness, Anatoly thinks for a moment, and then answers:

“Yes, no, perhaps. I go to church. My wife and I have one confessor, he is aware of the situation, I talk to him.”

“The main thing is to see the meaning”

Alina and Anatoly have been going to the same church for more than 20 years.

“I remember, out of neophyteism, I once tried to “build” Alina,” Anatoly laughs. – He imposed lenten strictness at home, urged on with baptism. My confessor then restrained me, saying: “Calm down, don’t put pressure on her, she doesn’t need this, and she can’t cope with this.”

According to Anatoly, it was faith that allowed him to find meaning in all this, to endure what had happened: “Maybe, if it weren’t for my wife’s illness, I wouldn’t have come to faith.

To a person in my place, I would say: everything is not fatal. Medicine is developing, now we have gone incredibly far from the 19th century, when our relatives would simply be placed for life in the “house of sorrow”, as psychiatric hospitals were sometimes called in those years.