Men fantasy: The Top 9 Sexual Fantasies for Men
The Top 9 Sexual Fantasies for Men
The nature of sexual fantasies is that they push the boundaries a bit, stir up your usual mix, and allow you to explore the depth of your desires. And however deeply buried you keep those fantasies in your brain, they’re nothing to be ashamed of.
“In my own research on the subject, I find that more than 98 percent of men report having fantasies,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University in Bloomington and the author of Tell Me What You Want. Sex therapists agree that sexual fantasies don’t necessarily indicate dissatisfaction with one’s current partner, either.
Dr. Lehmiller surveyed more than 4,000 American adults about their sexual fantasies for his book, and certain scenarios popped up more frequently than others. According to his research, as well as testaments from other sex therapists, the following are six of the most common sexual fantasies men have — along with tips on how you can bring some of that excitement to your IRL bedroom.
For the most part, the fantasies don’t differ much whether you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between; only the gender of the partner does.
1. His Partner Pursues Him and Takes Control
A little break from your reality is what fantasizing is all about. So the idea of your partner directing the sex script for the night — particularly if your role in the relationship is typically the take-charge guy — can feel like a breakthrough bedroom change. “Sexual surrender is a way to say, ‘I need you to take control. I need to submit to you,’” says Dan Lacovara, a licensed marriage and family therapist for the Center for Healthy Sex in Washington, DC.
To get your partner on board with this kind of role reversal, or any type of fantasy you may have, consider how well you know your current partner. “If you’re at a second-date scenario, what do you have to lose?” says Andrew Smiler, PhD, a sex therapist based in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and the author of Dating and Sex, adding that there may be less fear of rejection since you haven’t yet invested much time or effort into the person.
“If you’re with a long-term partner, you have more to lose — but you may have a better sense of how to approach the conversation.”
2. Could More Be Merrier? A Threesome
Lots of guys, across the sexual board, are very into the multipartner fantasy. And despite common notions about threesomes, it’s not always about selfishly having a new person in the mix for yourself. “Many men are excited about the concept of their partner being pleasured by someone else,” says Lacovara.
Negotiating a threesome with your partner may be more difficult than some of these other common fantasies. “Jealousy and insecurity come into play,” says Lacovara. (Not to mention the logistics of finding someone else to join in.) “For some people, sex is an intimate two-person experience for them, and they aren’t comfortable with that being interrupted.”
But if you do have a partner who is game to try it out, you might discover that something the third person does is a real turn-on that you haven’t thought about doing.
“You both can learn a trick or two,” he says.
3. Submission: He’s Tied Up, Teased, and Spanked
This type of fantasy takes the sexual surrender theme to a kinkier place. And while men of any sexual persuasion can dream of being submissive in the bedroom, Lehmiller says that men who identify as anything other than heterosexual tend to have more fantasies about BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) relative to their heterosexual counterparts. “I think this is at least partly explained by the fact that gay, bisexual, and pansexual men have already violated the norm of heterosexuality, which makes it less costly to violate other sexual norms and explore their sexuality fully,” he says.
If you want to bring this one up with your partner, be prepared for the possibility that they may worry they’re going to hurt you. “It can be triggering to some partners to feel comfortable with pain exchange,” says Lacovara. You can help ease their concerns by setting up a safe word or phrase, a prearranged signal to immediately end any sexual activity with no questions or judgment.
4. Exhibitionism: Sex in a Public Place
This type of fantasy clearly falls into the taboo category. “For most people who are into exhibitionism, the turn-on is that it’s naughty,” says Lacovara. “It’s something that people aren’t supposed to do, and the arousal isn’t just genital.” He says the body also gets flushed by dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that gives you a sense of pleasure.
If you’re into the idea of trying this with your partner, be prepared to make a few compromises, since it’s perfectly natural for someone not to be turned on by the thought of being seen having sex — or the idea of possible arrest. “Ask your partner if they’re willing to dip a toe into the fantasy. Exhibitionism can be something that’s not so overt,” Lacovara says. You and your partner can test the waters by having sex in front of a window of your own home, rather than in a city park in broad daylight.
5. Domination: Pleasure Blended With Pain
Smiler says that BDSM power control, rough sex, and even choking have become more popular in fantasies as they’ve become more popular in porn.
“Rough sex is a flavor that some men want on occasion, but not always as a regular flavor,” he says. “If you have to be very controlled in your daily life and you’re not allowed to have certain thoughts, in your fantasies, that’s a place where those desires are allowed to come out.”
If the idea of tying up, spanking, or pegging your partner floats your boat, it can be hot to give it a go in real life. But you need a clear line of communication with your partner before you test any of it out. “Say right up front, ‘I want to talk about this, and it’s kind of tricky for me,’” says Lacovara. “Partners need to talk about sex together, and you need to make sure there is a safe space for that.”
6. Role-Play: Trying Out New Identities
Whether your fantasy is to dress up like a cowboy, a construction worker, or a butler (you do you), this type of fantasy is simply cosplay. “You want to pretend to be something or someone different, and that can be one of the more playful parts of sex,” says Lacovara.
“It’s very collaborative, and you are creating a whole new narrative when you’re role-playing.”
The great news if this type of fantasy gets you aroused is that it’s one of the easiest to turn into reality, says Lacovara. “These scenarios are low-risk, and even if it’s not working, it can become very funny,” he says. “The only real downside to it is how much you may need to invest in costumes.”
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Top 7 Men’s Sexual Fantasies Revealed
Home / Wellness / Mens Health / Top 7 Men’s Sexual Fantasies Revealed
In one of our more popular articles, 9 Things a Man Wants to Hear, we discussed all of the things guys wished their women would tell them. From that article, we received a lot of feedback from both men and women that discussed what men really want.
So we surveyed over 100 men again and found some similarities when it comes to their sexual fantasies. Here are the top 7.
7. Mother Nature: Sex In the Great Outdoors
There’s something very rugged, primal and organic about having sex in a forest or in a field because you’re doing something natural in the most elemental place — in nature.
And the men who love nature will easily start fantasizing about having sex in the wild. It could be the fantasy of being in the middle of the forest while the morning dew is beating on his back, on the beach, or at the base of a mountain.
Another reason that this is a great fantasy is because it’s the exact opposite of clean and fresh sheets in a hotel room setting — which is one of a woman’s favorite places to have sex and therefore one of the most common places many men have sex. Being out in the middle of nature without having to be so formal or “buttoned up” feels raw and “king-of-the-jungle”-like, and that’s what makes it hot.
6. Exhibitionism: Having Sex in a Public Place
Now, there’s a difference between having sex in the wild and having sex in public. The main difference is people. People that can see you–that’s the thrill many men want. It’s the thrill of being watched or discovered that makes this another common male fantasy. Experts say the idea of exhibitionism or the taboo of potentially getting caught, seen, and overheard adds sexual excitement.
Acting out this fantasy in real life is somewhat risky, as sex and nudity in public places can lead to legal consequences (not to mention embarrassment), but Kerner says you can get a similar sexual charge without actually being in a public place.
5. More: Threesomes & Orgies
Men fantasize about having threesomes, foursomes, and more because they want a purely sexual experience that is more animal than it is relational. There’s implied monogamy in most relationships, but threesomes and orgies open up that monogamous relationship to allow sex with others and at the same time, close out the personal feelings you have about a long-term partner. Feelings about the future and commitment aren’t usually present in these sexual fantasies. It’s really all about sex with multiple partners, simultaneously. In real life, sometimes men feel that they want a threesome rather than a foursome or more because they can control the relationships outside of the bedroom after the sex act is completed.
I hear from my readers who go beyond their threesome fantasies into real-life threesomes that the relationships that derive from threesomes often lead to the breakups of the original couple. This is one fantasy that doesn’t usually work in real life, long term; it’s a great fantasy, but a not-so-great experience if you’re married or in a committed relationship.
4. Mature: Experienced Women
A lot of straight men often fantasize about sex with an older woman who knows her body so well that the sex is incredible because of her ease and absence of inhibition. Women who’ve gained experience over the years also tend to know a man’s body better than younger women do. There isn’t the same pressure to get married or define the relationship and that makes the sex carefree and unencumbered, and she appreciates a man’s body more because of his youth — and sees the big picture, not just a little love handle situation going on, that younger women with “standards” might scoff at. The older woman usually has her own money and a nicer place than younger women — or even the guy doing the fantasizing — so being wined and dined and whisked up to a private penthouse love shack is part of the fantasy fun.
This is a fantasy that’s about sex and luxury with no strings attached.
3. Domination: Blending Pleasure With Pain
For some men, the fantasy of domination, or having total power over their partner in a sexual situation, can be quite arousing, Kerner says. These types of fantasies typically include bondage, spanking, dirty talk, receiving oral sex, as well as other forms of
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