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How Does a Puma Differ From a Cougar in Dating?

A puma is more than a sleek feline predator. It’s also a slang term for a woman’s dating life and, more specifically, the age of the partner she seeks. There are definitely some ageist and sexist connotations to the term, so let’s take a look at what it’s been used to refer to and how it’s evolved over time.

Meaning of Puma in the United States 

In the United States, “puma” has been used as slang for a cougar minus ten years; she is defined as a woman in her 30s who prefers dating younger men. Hollywood celebrity Jennifer Aniston has long been associated with the term due to her relationships with younger men, most notably John Mayer (nine years younger).

Demi Moore, in an interview with W magazine in March 2010 (at age 47), expressed her displeasure with the cougar label and said, “I’d prefer to be called a puma,” referring to her (now defunct) marriage to Ashton Kutcher who is 16 years younger than Moore.

Despite Moore’s attempt to use the terms interchangeably, a puma is widely regarded as a woman under 40 who prefers younger men while the cougar label is applied to women in their 40s and 50s who seek out younger male companions who are at least 10 years younger and often half their age.

While May-December romances involving older men with younger women are par for the course, there is often a double standard when it comes to older women dating younger men, even when those women are just in their 30s, hence the development of terms like “puma” to call (negative) attention to it. For example, actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler caught a lot of public flak when she announced her engagement. Sigler was 31 and her beau was 23.

Bottom Line

The use of slang terms to box people – particularly women – into stereotypes based on age and romantic partners is somewhat dated, but it continues to pervade culture at some level. While most people at least have some idea of what a “cougar” refers to, terms like “puma” have largely fallen out of the popular lexicon, and that’s a good thing.

It’s also worth noting that there’s no male equivalent for these terms – in fact, in relationships with older men and younger women, the label still gets put on the woman, with terms like “sugar baby.”

Society continues to put labels on what women desire, whether referring to older or younger partners. But, ultimately, women continue to push back on old taboos and seek out the romantic partners of whatever age they want.

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Why Many Young Women May Prefer to Be with Older Men

We don’t need a research study to explain to us why older men enjoy dating younger women. But what about the women? Stereotypes aside, many women cite maturity, wisdom, and financial stability as good reasons to date men who are older.

But is there too much of a good thing? When women date and marry men old enough to be their fathers, it brings up the question of whether there should be an upper limit to an appropriate age gap. 

Research reveals both evolutionary and social motives to explain women´s desire to date older men. But regardless of the legitimacy of motive, both parties in men-older age gap relationships often have to overcome stigma and stereotype.

Source: Image by fsHH from Pixabay

Surpassing Stigma and Stereotype

What is it about seeing an older man with a much younger adult woman in public holding hands that gives some people pause? Cultural norms? Societal expectations? And knowing nothing about the couple, why do people make snap judgments and attributions of ulterior motives?  

Researchers have been tackling these important questions for years, and provide some answers.    

The Perceived Unfair Advantage of Age

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018) examined why couples in age gap relationships are subject to prejudice and negative stereotypes.[i]  In terms of gender differences, they found that the link between perceived relational inequity and prejudice was higher when the man in a relationship was older, rather than the woman.  

In explaining the rationale behind perceiving that an older man in a relationship has the upper hand, Collisson and De Leon note that even labels used to describe partners in age-gap relationships imply relational inequity. They note that the term cradle robber implies that older men are stealing younger women, and alternatively, the term gold digger insinuates that younger partners pursue older counterparts for money and resources.

Some adult women are assumed to be looking for an older man to financially support a comfortable lifestyle within which to raise children. In other cases, women are alleged to have selected an older paramour to gain access to resources and connections in order to further their own career, business, or other aspirations.

But contrary to stereotype, many age-gap couples do not display even the appearance of ulterior financial or professional motives. Many such couples are similar in every way except chronological age. How do we explain how these couples got together? Could it be that in many cases, it is simply true love, or are there other reasons?

Looking for ulterior motives to explain atypical pairings of mature men and much younger women, some have advanced theories about women seeking older men due to relational dynamics with their own fathers. Research in this area, accordingly, has sought to distinguish truth from fiction. 

Relational Attachment and Age 

Sara Skentelbery and Darren Fowler (2016) investigated the attachment styles of heterosexual women who date older men.[ii] They note that research reveals a negative view of couples when the age gap between them is significant. They also recognize the commonly held belief that women who date men who are 10 or more years older have unhealthy relationships with their fathers. But is it true? According to their research, the answer is no.  

In their study of 173 women, 44 of whom were dating men at least approximately 10 years older, the stereotype of women choosing significantly older paramours as a result of  “daddy issues” was unsupported. Further, Skentelbery and Fowler found no significant difference in attachment styles between women in similar-age relationships and women in age-gap relationships. In fact, they found that 74 percent of the women in age-gap relationships enjoyed a relationship within which they were securely attached.  

Happy, Healthy, Relationships, at Any Age

Apparently many couples with age differences enjoy healthy, fulfilling, loving relationships. Having come together without ulterior motives or emotional childhood issues, many such pairings are strong, stable, and able to withstand societal scrutiny.  

We can safely assume that there will always be couples that seek to pair up for ulterior motives, perhaps in pursuit of a marriage of convenience. But research also seems to suggest that, happily, true love is still alive and well.

Facebook image: Motortion Films/Shutterstock

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What sugar babies expect from their sugar daddies

When Alicia* was halfway through her university degree, she found herself cash-strapped and overworked. “I was a full-time student, I had an internship and I was working part-time,” the 22-year-old from Texas tells me. “I didn’t have a lot of free time.” So one night, in an attempt to solve this problem, Alicia and her friends signed up to several apps and websites hoping to make quick money. And after dealing with some scammers and a short period of trial and error, Alicia found a legitimate answer to her problem.

Sugar babies – (usually) young women, who spend time with (usually) older men in exchange for cash or gifts – tend to get a pretty bad rap. “Sorry, but if you take money to ‘hang out’ with old men, you’re desperate trash”, “Sugar babies are very young women, it’s nasty” and “I feel sorry for ppl that need ‘sugar babies’ or ‘sugar daddies’, it’s creepy af” are just a few of the predominantly negative tweets plastered all over Twitter about them. They are trashed as sluts, labeled as “damaged goods” and demonised by anti-sex work advocates, even though what they do isn’t necessarily sex work. But not only are sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships more common than you think, many of them are healthy, mutually beneficial partnerships that sugar babies feel happy about and over which they carry very little regret.

Not only are sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships more common than you think, but many of them are healthy, mutually beneficial partnerships that sugar babies feel happy about

Students make up a huge portion of sugar babies in the UK – half a million alone are on the popular sugar baby website SeekingArrangement. Like Alicia, 24-year-old law student Stephanie* met her first sugar daddy during her undergraduate degree while working in retail in San Francisco. She tells me that her future sugar daddy began flirting with her while getting help selecting gifts for his wife. “He would come in often for a bunch of little things and would say his wife was about my size,” she says. “He ended up giving me all those things and later we started dating.”

This was the first of Stephanie’s two sugar daddies, one of which she describes as being a “gift-based” relationship and the other as “more cash-based”. “My second SD slid me an envelope after our first date with $250 in it,” she says. “Once we started to be intimate, he increased that amount to $500.” Stephanie did have sex with both of her sugar daddies, even though things started nonsexual. “We just went on dates and he liked to buy me things,” she tells me, “and after a while we began having sex.”

Leah* also began “sugaring” to make ends meet as an undergraduate student in New York, having relationships with five sugar daddies between the ages of 21 and 23. “To me, it has always connotated a longtime, implied monogamous relationship than a sex worker has with a client,” she says of being a sugar baby. “With that implied monogamous status comes the breakdown of other barriers – particularly communication is more frequent (say, between 9am and 5pm, rather than when strictly planning appointments). In my experience, a client looking for a ‘sugar baby’ experience isn’t looking to share, and is willing to pay slightly higher premiums for the privilege.”

Leah says that, despite monogamy being a ground rule, she rarely followed it. “I’d actually spent more time as a cut-and-dried escort (ie, clients booking by the hour, rarely seen more than 3-4 times). But sometimes I’d stumble on to the profile of someone looking for that sugar baby experience, so I’d lie through my teeth about the amount of men I was currently fucking and let the daddy-to-be buy me expensive lingerie (which I still wear) and sex toys (which I still use) in exchange for a few dates.”

‘The concern about what people would think if they knew is totally worth all the hours spent playing Mario Kart’

Leah says that every sugar baby is different, and while many people would assume all sugar babies have sex with their sugar daddies, this isn’t always the case. Megan*, a 23-year-old Londoner who works in parliament, doesn’t even describe herself as being in a sugar baby/sugar daddy situation. “The guy who sends me money refers to himself as a pay-pig,” she says. After this man repeatedly offered to send her money with no strings attached, she gave him her PayPal details and gave it a go. “I just have to message him with a money emoji and I immediately get money transferred to my account,” she says. “I initially decided to take him up on the offer so I could buy a Nintendo Switch – and the concern about what people would think if they knew is totally worth all the hours spent playing Mario Kart.”

Megan believes that there are several misconceptions about women in her situation. “People assume that for somebody to be giving you money you must be giving them something in return, whether that’s attention, company or sex,” she says. “Obviously that’s probably the case for some girls, but, for me, it’s very much one way.”

“A narrative that I’ve heard pretty often is that sugaring – or any kind of sex work, really – is easy, since the majority of your job is spent eating expensive meals on someone else’s dime, wearing expensive lingerie or getting pounded on expensive sheets,” Leah tells me. “But glamour aside, the job is gruelling. For most of these men, a big part of the fantasy is that you only have eyes for them, which typically means dedicating a lot of time texting them or sending emails. When you’re together, you can’t just zone out; you have to dedicate time to actually listen and (at least pretend to) care about what he’s saying.”

“People mistake sugar babies as young girls who sleep with married men as a means to earn,” argues Deborah*, a 21-year-old student from Nigeria. “Instead, they just find comfort and maturity in being around older men.”

‘I think [sugar daddies] have a misconception that we need them – rather than use them to supplement our lives’

Stephanie believes that even with the positive elements of her experiences, sugar daddies often misunderstand sugar babies too. “Sugar daddies generally want to provide and want to be seen with beautiful young women,” she says. “They genuinely believe that that affirms their manhood. I think they have a misconception that we need them – rather than use them to supplement our lives.”

“A lot of them forget that this is, in fact, a job for the women involved,” Leah tells me. “I’d have clients arrive late, or cancel at the last minute, and act completely flabbergasted when I tried calling them out on how rude that was.

“Sex workers have lives outside of their career, the same way anyone does,” she says. “They’re not just lying on their $2,000 sheets eating cherries all day, waiting for you with bated breath.”

There are many things that make a bad sugar daddy, such as making sugar babies feel like they owe you something, being stingy or ungenerous, having few boundaries or, as Deborah put it, being “a hell-ass bossy freak”. “A bad sugar daddy wants to control everything in your life,” she tells me. “They wrongly think you’re a young naive girl that they can ease off.”

“Good sugar daddies don’t pressure intimacy, period,” Stephanie says. “They allow all benefits to grow organically, but show from the outset their intentions to be generous.”

“He’s always there for you; understands perfectly that there isn’t a love bond,” Deborah says of her ideal sugar daddy, “and understands that you have liberty to be with whomever you want aside from him.”

“I think a lot of men hear about the concept of sugar babies and must assume they can give girls money and are ‘owed’ something in return,” Megan argues. “For me, the idea of nothing in return is good. If somebody gets pleasure from giving me money, if you’re able to detach the slightly gross connotations from that, that’s good. From a feminism point of view, in my own situation I feel like I have the power and I’m in control.”

*All of the women named in this piece asked to remain anonymous and have been given pseudonyms.

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Age disparity in sexual relationships | Psychology Wiki

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Significant age disparity in sexual relationships has been a feature of both heterosexual and same-sex couples in many cultures and societies. The most common pattern in heterosexual couples is an older man with a younger woman. This may be brought about as an arranged marriage, or either member may pursue and initiate the relationship in those societies that favor freer association. Situations involving a younger male with an older female also exist, but are not as common. Age disparity in extreme cases may be seen as dysfunctional (a paraphilia) if such relationships are pursued to the exclusion of all others and to the detriment of the partners. The term alphamegamia can be used when a person is sexually aroused by partners of a different age group[1], and “chronophilia” can describe a sexual fixation on members of a different age group.

Historically, unequal pairings are quite common, if not the rule. In Classical Greece, men would typically marry around the age of thirty, and would take wives in their mid-teens, around half their age. Men in positions of prestige or power have often taken young women as lovers or wives. Similarly, women of influence have also initiated relationships with younger men.

Many arranged marriages have been age-disparate, with the husband being much older than the wife. Mail-order brides have been frequently younger than their husbands.

Age disparity in same-sex male relationships was even more historically common than age similarity in such relationships. (Such relationships were practised in Ancient Greece, pre-Modern Japan, Melanesia, Islamic lands and Renaissance Italy.)

Monarchs have traditionally exercised the freedom to choose younger spouses; Henry VIII, for instance, chose women far younger than himself as some of his wives, and a number of female monarchs have chosen younger consorts. Sultans from the Middle-East maintained entire harems of much younger women.

Other historical examples include John Rolfe and Pocahontas, and Laura Ingalls Wilder and Almanzo Wilder (both ten-year differences) in America; William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway (eight-year difference) in England; and Mohammed, the prophet of Islam, was 15 years younger than his first wife Khadija.

See List of relationships with age disparity

In keeping with modern American mores, a folk formula (sometimes referred to as the Trophy Rule) seems to have evolved so as to compute correct disparities of age between older and younger partners, this being “divide by two and add seven”, that is, the younger partner in a relationship should be at least seven years older than half the older partner’s age, else the relationship is liable to be subject to moral disapprobation.

The United States Census Bureau’s March 2000 statistics show that only 800,000 unmarried American couples are more than five years divergent in age, and 7 in 100 of women who have married more than once have a husband six or more years younger than they.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were only seven years different in their ages but apparently believed that it was less socially acceptable for an older woman to marry a younger man, and hence split the difference in their ages and both claimed to have been born in 1914.

There are many factors which draw both young and old into such age-disparate relationships.

Fertility and evolutionary psychology[edit | edit source]

Women generally begin to lose fertility as they enter their late twenties, and lose it completely after menopause, while men remain almost fully fertile until much later in life. Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile. Certainly, anyone deliberately looking for a mate to breed with must pick someone of an age of likely fertility. Moreover, senior men, even during prehistoric times, often had access to relationships and resources which would allow for them to foster the growth of their offspring.

Social/psychological factors[edit | edit source]

Some older partners may seek the connection with the culture of youth, maintaining a connection with the fashion, the music, the media which their age group has ostensibly outgrown. They view the generation gap as an obstacle to overcome, especially if they feel they have “missed out”.

Younger partners may be searching for someone who is their superior, either socially or financially more secure, or to provide critical life guidance.

Finally, younger partners may see their relationship with an older person as a way of increasing their status within their society. This phenomenon is colloquially called “gold digging” when it involves a strictly mercenary attitude about money.

Older partners may seek the youth which has escaped them. They may seek the sexual vigor of the young, which partners of their own age group may no longer possess. Younger partners, on the other hand, may be seeking a parent figure, or just somebody to provide life guidance.

Many psychologists study the phenomenon of age disparity, and have observed certain extremes of the above referenced behavior. They have coined a number of terms to describe various types of psychological preferences [2]:

  • Chronophilia is a fairly obscure general term, applied to any age-related preference.
  • Ephebophilia is the attraction of older individuals to adolescents, a phenomenon generally not assigned a separate term in most cultures unless it is between adult males and adolescent boys.
  • Infantophilia is the attraction of older individuals to small children (ages ranging from 0 to 5).
  • Pedophilia is the attraction of older individuals to pre-adolescents.
  • Teleiophilia, a generally unused term, is the attraction of younger individuals to older individuals.
  • Gerontophilia is the rarely seen attraction of non-elderly individuals to the elderly.

Of these, pedophilia has attracted a great deal of attention in the western media, especially since popular use has merged the concept of ephebophilia with that of pedophilia, which has become known as attraction to any individual considered too young to consent to sexual relations. Widely-varying age of consent laws have been passed to deter adults from entering sexual relationships with underage minors.

Age disparity as paraphilia[edit | edit source]

There is also the issue of whether all age-disparate relationships fall under the definition of paraphilia. Individuals who exclusively pursue age-disparate relationships are generally classified by psychologists as parasexual, that is, their behavior is qualitatively different from the norm. Individuals who occasionally pursue age-disparate relationships are not included in this category, except in the popular press. As is speculated with other practices considered paraphilia, sexual imprinting may play a role in age-disparate relationships.

In some societies age-disparate relationships are seen as aberrant or even perverse. Historically, the “gold digger” mentality has been frowned upon as being akin to prostitution. The age difference that is generally accepted by modern society varies directly with the age of the individuals involved in the relationship; larger differences are more acceptable with older individuals. For example, while a seven-year difference might be considered unacceptable (even illegal in some places) between a 22-year-old and a 15-year-old, it is less remarkable between a 30-year-old and a 23-year-old, and unnoticed completely between a 78-year-old and a 71-year-old.

Response to criticism[edit | edit source]

Few people are willing to defend cases of age disparity such as between a pre-adolescent and an adult (See pedophilia). In cases where both partners are above the local age of consent, however, age-disparate couples are quick to defend the legitimacy of their relationships. See Gerry Studds

While it is true that some relationships have been labelled as “gold digging” (that is to say, the younger partner’s primary interest in the older partner is his/her financial circumstance), a popular adage is “love is blind”. For those who feel they are in love, it doesn’t matter if their partner is several years older than they are. And as factors such as the divorce rate, changing patterns in dating, and basic incompatibilities affecting personal relationships, the average age difference between prospective partners has also changed.

Many find that the younger partner is appreciative of the life experience and wisdom the older partner brings, and the older partner appreciates the vigor, enthusiasm, and new political, social, and cultural perspectives their young partner has to offer.

A number of slang terms exist to describe pairings in which one individual is much older than the other:

  • Gold digging refers to a relationship in which a young person pursues an older person for monetary gain, and is discussed in greater detail in other sections of this article.
  • May-December romance is a general and non-prejudicial expression for an age-disparate relationship. The expression draws an implicit analogy between one’s lifetime and the time of year. Thus “May” refers to the younger partner, who is in the spring of his or her life. “December” is the elder partner, in the winter of his or her life.
  • Robbing the cradle may refer to a situation in which an older individual seduces a much younger one, and stigmatizes the act through its use of the word “robbing”. The tone of this phrase is highly situational—in some cases, where consensuality in a relationship is clear, it is often used in a jesting manner, but where consensuality may not be evident, it can be intended in a very pejorative sense. See the section in this article on social criticism. People who ‘rob the cradle’ are commonly called cradle snatchers or cradle robbers.
  • Grave robbing refers to the exact opposite situation to “Cradle snatching/robbing” (above), and the same references to jest and/or social criticism apply here also.
  • Sugar daddy refers to an older man who offers money or gifts to a younger person in return for companionship or sexual favours. The term is now sometimes used for rich men that are not necessarily much older than the partner. This term is also slang for a pimp.
  • Jailbait refers to a particularly sexually attractive person, often female, below the legal age of consent. This designation connotes enticement to endanger oneself of being prosecuted for statutory rape.
  • Cougars are older women who are attracted to young men; use of this terminology is considered by some to be impolite. There are also lesbian cougars.
  • Mrs. Robinson refers to an older woman, often of anywhere up to middle age, who has a relationship with a much younger man. The term is taken from the film The Graduate.
  • Toyboy or Boytoy refers to the youth in a relationship with an older woman or man. Use of this terminology is considered by some to be impolite.
  • Tadpoling refers to a relationship between a younger man and an older woman. A notable example is Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore whose public relationship seems to have started the use of this slang term. See also the movie Tadpole.
  • MILF (Mother/Mom I’d Like to Fuck) refers to mothers who attract the sexual attention of high-school boys. This acronym was popularized by the movie American Pie. Compare GILF (Grandmother/Grandma I’d Like to Fuck) and FILF (Father I’d Like to Fuck) or DILF (Dad I’d Like to Fuck).
  • Lolita refers to a sexually precocious young girl who is the object of desire of a significantly older man. The term refers to the title character of Vladimir Nabokov’s novel Lolita, who is referred to by the book’s narrator, Humbert Humbert, as a nymphet. While Nabokov’s plot may derive from the 11-year-old Florence Horner, kidnapped by 50-year-old Frank La Salle, the name most likely derived from Charlie Chaplin’s teenaged bride Lita Grey.
  • Daddy-Daughter Dating refers to younger women going out with older men.

90,000 which men fall in love with older women – Moscow 24, 05/19/2017

A wife must be younger than her husband – a stereotype that society has inherited from time immemorial. Modern man has to prove that he owes nothing to anyone. Who and why becomes a violator of unspoken laws and connects life with women much older than themselves? Anna Kudryavskaya-Panina talks about this in her column on m24.ru.

Emmanuel Macron and Brigitte Tronier Photo: Zuma / TASS / Panoramic

On the morning of last Sunday at a hotel in the center of Moscow, where my husband and I celebrated 10 years from the date of our acquaintance, I clicked on TV channels until I caught my eye on a bright picture : a ceremonially decorated ceremonial hall, many men and women in expensive outfits.

An elegant man of about forty walks through the parting crowd. While he shakes hands and kisses the audience, the camera periodically snatches a slightly slouching blonde in a blue suit. From the back, according to the surviving figure, she can be given thirty, but when the operator shows her from the front, her age cannot be hidden. Nearby, these two look like a mother and a son (by the way, his mother is almost the same age as the lady in blue).

But they are husband and wife – Emmanuel Macron and Brigitte Tronier. 39 years old and 64 years old. I am watching the inauguration of the youngest president of France.“Lord, how old she is,” I think, and pull myself at this thought, remembering that I myself am 10 years older than my husband.

There are unspoken social stereotypes that we have absorbed since childhood. One of them – in marriage, a man must certainly be older, well, in extreme cases, the same age. So it is accepted, it should be so. And in my own family there was an example of the opposite: my beloved aunt is five years older than my uncle. As a child, it seemed to me that this couple is something unique. I really haven’t met others like that: neither among the parents of my friends, nor among other relatives.I was surprised that it turns out that it still happens, and that my beautiful aunt certainly looks no older, or even younger than her uncle. Cognitive dissonance: It doesn’t have to be, but it is. And it even seems that this is normal. Moreover, it no longer seems that this should not be so.

Now you won’t surprise anyone with a difference of five years in favor of a woman, and this is no longer considered a difference. More and more often there are families where the wife is ten, fifteen, even twenty or more years older. The end of the twentieth century and the beginning of the twenty-first century broke this stereotype as well.Now marriage, where the woman is older and much older, is no longer considered the privilege of exclusively bohemians such as Isadora Duncan and Yesenin, Salvador Dali and Gala and … Pugacheva and Galkin.

In general, if we proceed from the average life expectancy in Russia – for men it is 66 years, and for women 77 – then a marriage when a woman is 10-11 years older is ideal for living happily ever after and dying in one day.

Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin Photo: TASS / Sergey Vinogradov

Jokes as a joke, but all sorts of men (including future presidents) fall in love and decide to connect their lives with women who are suitable for them as older sisters, and sometimes mothers.The question is why. And one more question – why, in fact, should mature women choose youths as life companions?

The most unpleasant and harsh answer for both sides sounds like this: the first – infantile mama’s sons – are looking for a wife-mother, and the second are implementing an underrealized maternal instinct. Well, yes, here you can still recall the Oedipus complex, sexual attraction to the mother in post-puberty, transforming into an interest in adult women. Yes, psychology has not been canceled, but still, sometimes a banana is just a banana.I’m sure such marriages exist: infantile boys, eternally led, are looking for women who like to “mold” them into husbands for themselves. And if these types find each other and are happy, then, many years for them, bitter and other advice and love.

But this is definitely not the only option, if only because infantiles are unlikely to become presidents. And the difference between the same Macron and his wife is more than 24 years. Psychologists believe that ambitious men enter into such unequal marriages of age, because they are looking for in their wife not only a friend and mistress, but also a mentor, with whom they will go even more confidently along the road of realizing their Napoleonic plans.
There is also this type of men – maturing early psychologically. And at the age of 20–25, they are simply not interested in their peers, and even more so in very young nymphs with their ideas about life, hobbies and cockroaches densely populating beautiful heads.

Salvador Dali and Gala Dali Photo: AP / Jack Kanthal

Evil tongues call such young people gerontophiles and sarcastically speak out on the topic of cellulite, wrinkles, sagging breasts and flabby priests and the generally not young body of their chosen ones. There is something to argue with: now often women between the ages of 30 and 50 can give a head start to twenty-year-olds in terms of grooming, curvature and fit.Partly because they are actively working on what in adolescence is perceived as given once and for all. And even if everything is so – and the breasts sagged, and cellulite, and wrinkles in the presence and range – then let’s return to the fact that men who have made such a choice are psychologically mature, which means they are able to love a woman not only and not so much for elastic buttocks.

And what about women? Why are they – established, with pumped up and not very priests, who know the value of many things in life and have probably been burned more than once – enter into this relationship? As my friend sarcastically remarked about the romance of our mutual acquaintance a little over forty with a twenty-year-old gentleman: “I wanted young meat.”This is, of course, rude and vulgar. But in reality, everything is much simpler: these women just feel young.

As another friend of mine spoke about her age: “What forty, when the wind is in the zhe ?!” Another option is that they simply do not feel the age difference. For example, sometimes it seems to me that in our family it is definitely not me who is older.

When I was going to get married for the second time, I often heard questions or just bewildered comments on the age of my future spouse. And then a universal phrase was born to me, which explains a lot for me too, including the reason why we are together: “You can be a man at twenty, but you can be a boy at fifty.”And since you can’t argue with that, after this phrase no one pestered me with questions.

Emmanuel Macron and Brigitte Tronier Photo: AP / Christophe Ena

The marriages I know where the woman is older are strong enough. The same Macron with his Brigitte has been legally married for 10 years. And how long did he wait for her to get divorced ?! In these families, they calmly joke about age – and both spouses. Yes, there are pitfalls, of course. If the age gap is too wide or partners met late, chances are that they will not have children together.And the difference of 20 years is impossible to hide when the wife is already 60, and the husband is only 40.

Therefore, the very thought about Macron’s wife slipped through my mind. If I saw her not paired with him, I would have thought: “a good looking woman in age.” It is against the background of her young husband that she looks, shall we say, too adult. Yes, it seems to me that 24 years difference is still too much. This is my personal stereotype, which is clearly time to break, because our 10 years old seem ridiculous to someone. And Macron and his wife look no less in love and happy than my husband and I.

After examining the inauguration, I sighed and turned to my husband:
– You immediately understand how old you are when you realize that the President of France is four years younger than you. But! As you remember, how old is his wife … So I’m still young! And in general, when will you go to the presidency ?! You are already 33. I want to be the first lady!
– Let’s wait until you turn 64, – my husband winked at me.

90,000 Modern women want to marry younger men

Throughout the week, the media trumpeted the secret wedding of 51-year-old actress Robin Wright, who became famous on the TV series House of Cards, with 30-year-old VIP relations manager of the French fashion house Yves Saint Laurent – Clement Giraud .The paparazzi photographed the couple at a football match and drew attention to the wedding rings. It was later revealed that Wright and Giraud have been married for three months. According to the Daily Mail, the couple got engaged in late December and later went on Christmas holidays to Tahoe Island. Friends of the couple say that Giraud has an excellent relationship with Wright’s family, including her 24-year-old son ( from marriage to Sean Penn – ed. ).

More recently, the media also reported that the popular 44-year-old model Heidi Klum is dating the 28-year-old Tokio Hotel guitarist Tom Kaulitz.Klum was married twice, but both marriages ended in divorce. Today Klum is raising four children. This is not the first relationship of the model in which she prefers younger men. Prior to that, for three years, Klum met with art dealer Vito Schnabel. He was 14 years younger than the model.

Contrary to critics, the Hollywood trend towards relationships in which a woman is older than her partner has already spread “among the people,” including in countries with a conservative culture. In early 2018, public attention was drawn to the story of a 38-year-old Chinese citizen who married her 23-year-old boyfriend, whom she had allegedly been dating for eight years.Moreover, the bride was already “deeply pregnant” at the wedding ceremony. The parents of the newly-made groom did not like the daughter-in-law, who, by the way, is only one year younger than the mother-in-law, at first. But only until the moment she gave them as a “wedding gift” 5 million yuan (784 thousand dollars – ed.) , several valuable real estate and a sports car of the Ferrari brand. It turned out that the young man’s chosen one was a successful business woman.

The tendency of relationships in which the woman is older can be called the first results of the global “anti-Ege” campaign.Today all over the world, including Russia, women increasingly want to tie the knot with a partner younger than themselves. And if we take into account only marriages of different ages, then the model “adult man – young woman” is replaced by another – “mature woman – young man” clinical psychologist and candidate of sciences Luciya Suleimanova told MIR 24 in an interview. The expert immediately made a reservation that marriages of different ages include those in which the partner is at least 8 years older.And, despite the “fashion” in all respects, where there is such a difference in age, there are advantages and disadvantages that you need to work with.

“There are two main motives that lead women in this situation. Firstly, it is, in a sense, the realization of the maternal instinct, and secondly, the desire to receive a charge of vigor and youth from a young person, to get a sense of the fullness of life. We are talking about marriages in which the difference exceeds a dozen. In such cases, social, psychological and other difficulties can await us.And marriages where the age difference is less than 8 years, on the contrary, according to statistics, are quite strong, ”said Suleymanova.

How can a woman determine that a young man is building a relationship with her not because of material gain, but because she is interesting to him as a person? The psychologist recommends paying attention to the family of the chosen one. If he grew up in an incomplete family, he was too much cared for, and at school was considered the “hope” of the class and the favorite of all teachers, then it is highly likely that he pursues only material goals.But if a man is used to developing independently throughout his life, then there is nothing strange in the fact that he fell in love with a companion 10 or 15 years older. In such partners, men are attracted by the fact that an experienced woman will not now and then pull the blanket over herself and compete in solving all issues.

“Men are generally looking for development opportunities. Usually, in such couples, a woman is not necessarily very rich and influential, but she has reached some heights, is confident, strong, pragmatic and active.She looks more closely at her partner, she is more experienced and no longer “fights” and does not compete to no avail. It’s not only about comfort and submission, but also about how to live well with a person who is sensitive to your desires and moods. If a man is not stupid, he will use this relationship to move up. In every sense. Worse, if a man has become a victim of the ubiquitous Russian upbringing, which is both at home and at school, and everywhere we have exclusively female – then he may be looking for some kind of replacement for his mother, someone who will take care of him.And it is unlikely that such a man can offer anything to an adult, demanding and intelligent woman. Obviously, such a couple will not be able to have a long-term relationship, ”added Suleimanova.

The psychologist names three main problems faced by couples in which the woman is older. First of all, one of the problems is related to the fact that there is still a strong negative assessment from the society in Russia. And, as a rule, it does not come from strangers, as is commonly thought, but from those closest to them – from the family.

“80% of Russians have a negative attitude towards marriages in which a woman is much older than her spouse. A man in such a pair immediately falls into the category of “gigolo”, at least in the public mind. The main danger in this comes from the close circle. “Throw your grandmother”, “sooner or later he will go to the young one anyway, are you crazy?” – this is what men and women in unequal marriages hear from all sides. And this pressure is often very strong. If you add together physical condition and pressure from the outside, you also have such a thing as jealousy.Because a young man in the long run is in a clearly more advantageous position, ”said the expert.

Despite the fact that the sex life of women is longer than that of men, problems with sex cannot be avoided if the partner of a young man is already over 50. But, as you know, no one is immune from sexual problems, in principle. “As far as physics is concerned, everything is solvable. Children can always be adopted, and everyone knows the wonders of modern cosmetology and plastic surgery. A modern 50-year-old well-groomed woman can look as beautiful as she likes, and there are many such examples.Sex is more difficult. Here temperament plays a role, and the age difference, and age itself. Let’s say I’ve never heard a complaint from a 45-year-old woman who has a relationship with a 30-year-old. But there are complaints about the abundance of sex in couples 50+ and 35, respectively, “- said Suleimanova.

And the third problem that any couple of different ages can face is the difference in the “cultural code”, it manifests itself in relationships when the candy-bouquet period ends.

“And, of course, there are problems that directly affect the couple.If the age difference is large enough, then the difference in the so-called “cultural code” will certainly emerge. Different books and films that have shaped you, different tempo, different interests. During the first year, you frankly will not notice this: because hormones will do all the work for you. But then you have to comply, ”said the psychologist.

But all these problems, says the psychologist, are still solvable. First of all, a woman needs to stop reacting to imaginary anxiety on the part of friends, relatives and environment.And the most important thing is to correspond to the rhythm of life of your young chosen one.

“The most important advice is to close your eyes and ears from all those“ well-wishers ”who, of course, sincerely love you and are worried from the bottom of their hearts. Do not react to sympathy from the outside: all these “he will leave anyway” are essentially just programming you to fail. Be in good physical shape. Living with a young man means being able to maintain his rhythm of life. It’s not only and not so much about an ideal body, but about ease of recovery, the ability to support the interests of your man and maintain the pace of life typical of youth.Just don’t do all this “in his name.” Do it for yourself. Try to honestly figure out what he is interested in: sports, photography, computer games. If it turned out that a woman in a couple is actually more successful, in no case should you reproach your partner with money. If your man is worried about this, offer him a real plan, support emotionally. And one more important rule in such a marriage: do not fixate on competitors. This is the road to nowhere.

“I don’t want to talk sweet-sugary about love, but, let’s say, wrinkles do not matter much.Optimism, activity, energy – that’s what really attracts at any age, ”said Suleymanova.

In 2013, American sociologists from Harvard University already conducted a study, during which they found out that women choose men five years older than themselves to meet and create a family. Experts analyzed 35,942 people on the dating site between the ages of 30 and 49, and it turned out that women were five times more likely to show interest in men five years younger than they were five years older.

90,000 Pros of having a relationship with a man under

A large age difference is considered absolutely normal for a couple, but only in one case – if the man is older. No one is surprised by 40-year-old men dating 25-year-old girls. This is how it should be – this is the norm.But if a couple appears, where she is, say, 38, and he is 30, then that’s it, close attention to such relationships is provided. “What did he find in her?”, “She is an old woman for him”, “The poor boy saw nothing better”, “This is magic – she bewitched him with a witch’s potion”. Most surprisingly, such caustic comments are most often heard from women. For some reason, their heads do not fit that a relationship where the woman is much older is exactly the same relationship where there is love, passion, mutual interest, where people sincerely like each other.

Fortunately, despite the condemning public opinion, there are more and more such couples every year. The world is changing, marriage and relationships no longer serve a utilitarian goal of survival, now they are needed for joy and happiness. And more and more women, with emerging wrinkles around their eyes, find this happiness in young men. Moreover, men reciprocate with no less ardor. What is it that attracts adult women to young boys so much, what are the advantages in a relationship with someone who went to first grade at the moment you graduated from school?

He looks great

Whoever says what, but we all look at the appearance.A beautiful, healthy, youthful body with abs cubes is amazing. You will compare 50 and 30-year-old men in our country. Our men are not used to taking care of themselves – they have washed and are already handsome. This is not true. Nobody likes a beer belly, ridiculous clothes, neglected looks. A woman also wants to look at her man and admire him. “A little prettier than a monkey” no longer works. If we lose weight, eat right and pump up the ass in the gym, then the man must match.

He really will listen and hear

Relationships with an older man often resemble dad and daughter. He is all so knowledgeable and understanding, and she is naive and looking into her mouth. With a younger man, a woman succeeds in building equal, partnership relations. He understands that in some ways you are wiser and more experienced, and is ready to listen to you. A woman, by her very nature, hears a man, and when both are ready to listen to each other, harmony sets in in the relationship.

It is light and open

With a guy younger than herself, a woman turns into a girl – this is an amazing feeling.He still knows how to do stupid things, carry in his arms through puddles, walk around the city until morning. He loves excitement and adventure. He will not lie on the couch on the weekend – he has a thousand plans. A high level of energy is transferred to a woman – she just blossoms.

It is amenable to change

An adult, a mature man cannot be changed. He is a rock of views and beliefs. A young guy can still be changed, taught to be warmer and more responsive, taught to show emotions.He remembers better what you need and what is important. The plasticity of the psyche has the most positive effect on relationships.

He will be with you in old age

According to statistics, the average life expectancy for women in Russia is about 10 years longer than for men. If you have such a difference in age, then there is a chance that you will spend the autumn of your life together, you will not be a lonely grandmother.

He is ready to perform feats in bed

This is perhaps the most important point in a relationship where a man is much younger.Women’s physiology is so arranged that bright sexuality wakes up in her after 30. And men’s interest in this side of life is slowly fading away. By the age of 40, peers in this regard are rarely compatible. She woke up, and he almost fell asleep. It is at this age that a younger man is ideally suited to a woman in temperament. And the man himself, as a rule, is delighted with her emancipation. They both have a lot to give to each other.

But, by the way, there are practically no downsides to such a relationship. Unless you can play a capricious princess and try to sit on your neck.The basis of such relations is equal partnership, where both love each other, care, strive for common, mutual happiness. And don’t think that men in older women are looking for a mommy. By no means, they are looking for an intelligent, equal partner with whom it is interesting, and the most amazing thing is that no matter how old you are, he will still care and call you “Baby”. Therefore, if it seems to you that there are no real men nearby, try to look for your destiny among those who are younger.

Unequal marriage-2: she is much younger – Lifestyle – News of St. Petersburg

fragment of the picture “Unequal marriage” V.V. PukirevaShare

It has been noticed that after 45 – 50 years, many men have a “panic in the last third of their lives.” Fleeing from her, the representative of the stronger sex is trying to escape from his age, from old age, which will come sooner or later. A relationship with a young woman seems to him the only salvation. Entering them, he wants to prove – first of all to himself – that everything is all right with him, that he is still awful and he is not yet threatened with old age.

(Continuation of the topic. Read the beginning here)

It’s no secret that at this age in men potency begins to decrease.And even if everything is fine with her so far, she is still not the same as that of a twenty-year-old boy. In addition, any man is afraid of disease, weakness, wilting. But he does not want to share these concerns with anyone. He will never open them in a male environment where there is great competition and you need to look strong, courageous, cool. The only way to drown out your fears is to connect your life with an attractive young woman. She will instill confidence in him, give life a new meaning, open up wide horizons for him.

By marrying a young man, a man receives a lot of bonuses. His potency increases, because a young partner is a strong erotic stimulus for him, her young body gives him vivid sexual sensations. He feels at his best, sees that strength and youth have returned to him again. And it’s worth a lot!

Secondly, his prestige grows in the circle of his peers, and he makes a serious leap in the male hierarchy, where the element of rivalry is strong. Friends slap him on the shoulder, let go of piquant jokes, but deep down, everyone envies him, realizing that his friend is still somewhere.

A young wife inspires a mature man. It seems to him that with her he is able to move mountains. Against her background, he feels even stronger, smarter, authoritative. A wife of the same age would never give him that feeling.

Do not forget that in this new situation and his appearance changes for the better. He has a shine in his eyes, posture changes, his back straightens, his gait becomes elastic, energetic. He pulls himself up, gets stronger, looks younger before our eyes and looks better than his peers.He begins to monitor his health, play sports, follow a diet. He also begins to follow the fashion, tries to dress better, updates the car. A new stage of life begins for him: from a respectable (not to say elderly) uncle, he turns into an imposing gentleman in his prime.

How long will all this be is another question. But at first, he receives a powerful stimulus to life and renewal. For such a surge of energy and strength, a man is ready for a lot.

But if with the stronger sex in this situation everything is more or less clear, then the question remains: why do young women marry those who are suitable for their fathers? First of all, because they want stability.A man at an age has already taken place as a person. He has a place to live, a car, money savings, that is, he is provided (for unsecured young women rarely marry).

A young lady understands that by marrying such a man, she will immediately find herself in an atmosphere of stability and automatically transfer to a new status: a fully wealthy woman who does not need to take care of tomorrow. From now on, she will not have to worry about anything at all: all everyday questions will be solved by an adult, experienced husband, who to some extent will replace her father.

True, some experts see another reason. According to recent studies by American psychologists, young women tend to strive for marriage with a much older man … with a low IQ coefficient. Well, apparently, they subconsciously feel that they are unlikely to be able to achieve success themselves, to punch their way, to get the life they dream of. To do this, they definitely need a strong, successful, wealthy patron. But women-personalities with a high level of IQ do not gravitate towards such marriages.

In such a marriage with a big age difference, a woman always feels young, loved, and desired. She is pampered, indulged, she feels comprehensively protected. In addition, a mature man is experienced in sex, he knows how to please her. In bed, he is no longer focused only on himself, as is often the case with his peers.

In addition, over the years he has learned to be gallant, he knows how to look after beautifully, to make compliments. He understands that a bouquet of flowers is not exactly what a young woman dreams of.Therefore, for her birthday she does not give his wife a food processor, but a beautiful piece of jewelry, for example. And, of course, against this background of his she shines – young, attractive, seductive. Next to him, she feels much more of her femininity and attractiveness than next to a peer.

However, this marriage has its pitfalls. The first time of such a union takes place in a sexual frenzy, usually it lasts 2 – 3 years. But after a while, the man becomes physically tired.The wife’s sexual appetite grows and the husband gets tired. There is a dissonance between their intimate needs.

But the main thing is that after a while the spouses discover that they are people of different generations. The initial euphoria passes, and the husband more and more often catches himself thinking that, instead of dragging himself to the theater or to a social gathering, he will be much more pleased to sit at home in front of the TV or just take a nap on the couch. His wife, who is in the phase of maximum vital activity, pushes him to go to a fashionable resort, and he dreams of a relaxing holiday in the country and fishing.And this activity of his wife gradually begins to annoy him. He wants to be left alone. As a result, the wife will go out alone. And there it is not far away from new acquaintances …

A man who married a young woman begins to experience latent fears: for some time now he constantly fears that she will go to her peer – strong, young, with prospects, because he has a whole life before him. Hence the stress and jealousy that the “old husband” always has. But not only he discovers that he and his wife are people of different generations.The wife is also beginning to understand this more and more clearly. She has already got used to stability and security (you quickly get used to good things), now the reverse sides of a marriage of different ages are beginning to unfold before her.

For example, she more and more often notices that along with material well-being, she received an elderly man who may have health problems. Either he cannot be fried, because he has heartburn, then his back hurts in the morning, and he needs to be reminded to take pills for blood pressure, etc.But he cannot stand it when she turns on loud music, the order of things to which he got used to over the years is important to him. If this order is violated, he gets annoyed and grumbles.

The difference between them will also appear in the circle of their communication. Among her husband’s friends are people of his generation, with wives of the same age. At first, they will perceive the young spouse with hostility, she will have to go through it. But she will be bored in their company, she will miss her peers …

This is what the psychoanalyst Natalya Tolstaya thinks about such marriages: “When a man is older, it was the norm at all times.Many women are drawn to a man of mature and old age for paternal support, for intellect, for romance, for spirituality, for attention. For what is not found among peers. If a young wife behaves correctly, then she may well build relationships with her husband’s children from a previous marriage, because they are often the same age, they may have common interests, similar views on life. A woman should not deprive her husband of communication with children, and they should not deprive him of financial support. The wrong tactic is to draw all the attention to yourself when a woman says: “Don’t call your old friends, don’t meet your children, because you have me and our new family.”By such behavior, a woman will only achieve that her husband will do it secretly, and mutual discontent will accumulate in the marriage. A woman needs to find a common language with her husband’s children, congratulate them on their birthday and other holidays, give gifts, show interest in their life. ”

In all fairness, I must say that there are couples who manage to overcome all the difficulties of marriage of different ages and who live happily for many years. This usually happens if the husband is an outstanding personality with many different merits, and in the eyes of the wife, the rest of the stronger sex does not stand comparison with him.However, in any case, a young wife should understand that due to the large age difference, sooner or later she will be left alone, and she will have to rebuild her life.

Inna Kriksunova

P.S. And what is the optimal age difference between husband and wife?

Star couples in which the wife is much younger than her husband

Andrey Konchalovsky – Yulia Vysotskaya, Dmitry Dibrov – Polina Nagradova, Alexander Gradsky – Marina Kotashenko, Vladimir Kuzmin – Ekaterina Trofimova, Igor Nikolaev – Yulia Proskuryakova – Michael Douglas Zeta-Jones, Clint Eastwood – Dina Ruiz, Harrison Ford – Calista Flockhart, Kevin Costner – Christine Baumgartner, Woody Allen – Sun-i Previn.

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“Russia is a country of impotent people, and it’s sad …”

The first woman urologist-andrologist in TASSR about mother-in-law destroying families, chlamydia as a bacteriological weapon and the misfortune of single men

Where the society of the stronger sex strikes, how sexuality affects political activity and why the hopes of girls through oral sex to find eternal youth are doomed to failure.The famous Kazan doctor Lyubov Mumladze, a specialist in “male” diseases, in an interview with “BUSINESS Online” talks about the social nature of the health of a strong half of humanity.

Lyubov Mumladze: “I have such a good expression: society always hits a man in the balls with a swing and in a big way. Therefore, all that is happening in our country now is the destruction of the population ”
Photo: Irina Erokhina


– Lyubov Savvovna, sometimes in the press you can find references to studies, most often foreign ones, according to which Russia is almost the leader in the world in terms of the number of impotent people.Yes, and you give quite horrifying statistics in the media. Is everything so bad with our male health?

– What are you, I have not named the most terrible numbers, otherwise they will say, they say, Mumladze scares everyone. Many years ago I went to Moscow to VDNKh, where the annual exhibition-conference “Men’s health and longevity” was held, at which for the first time in an accumulated form horrifying figures were given about men in our country, about their health, and life expectancy. It was then that I heard the terrible numbers, which, while working at the reception, I only guessed.Not only is Russia in first place in terms of completed suicides among men, in terms of completed suicides among minors … Our men live very little, 15 years less than women. We are in 96th place in terms of living standards, in terms of quality of life – this says a lot.

I have such a good expression: society always hits a man in the balls with a swing and in a big way. Therefore, all that is happening in our country now is the destruction of the population. The death rate exceeds the birth rate. Low testosterone is a social problem.Low testosterone means weakened masculinity in all forms: social, interpersonal and emotional.

– Explain what you mean.

– There was an institute in Sukhumi where human physiology was studied in primates. I remember one experience. The alpha male of the pack had high testosterone, while the subordinate males had low testosterone. But if some young and impudent grew up, began to beat the leader and stood in his place, and all the females of the flock began to belong to him, then the young man’s testosterone soared, while in the former alpha male he fell sharply down.This suggests that society plays a huge role in potency and the implementation of male functions. Therefore, when in our country there are problems with unemployment, when men do not have the opportunity for self-realization, then, naturally, a depressed state leads to the fact that the production of many hormones begins to be inhibited. First of all, the instinct of self-preservation is included, naturally, the instinct of reproduction fades into the background, as a result we have what we have today, that is, national hypogonadism …

“30-year-old boys are in no hurry to get married.One of my patients said: “Lyubov Savvovna, and who to marry? There are many girls, but there is no one to kiss the hand. ” I explained a lot in one phrase … ”
Photo: pixabay.com

– What is it?

– This is a deficiency of male hormones generated by society. Then I want to talk about women. Do not think that I am a misogynist, but when you sit at a reception and work with men, you hear from them a lot of interesting things about what is happening in their families, about relationships with the opposite sex, then a philosophical perception of the profession develops.30-year-old boys are in no hurry to get married. One of my patients said: “Lyubov Savvovna, and who to marry? There are many girls, but there is no one to kiss the hand. ” He explained a lot in one phrase …

I don’t know how mothers raise their daughters today, because not everyone is allowed to walk on the catwalk, not everyone is allowed to marry a prince. But girls are cut off from today’s realities, having watched TV series and films about a beautiful life. Therefore, it turns out that their ambitions exceed what life provides them today.As a result, everything goes haywire. It’s no secret that many young girls cohabit with 40-year-old men for money, such as, say, prostitution in disguise. One young man told me: guys my age, that is, 26 years old, do not want to communicate with their peers, because they are all with “sugar daddies.” This also has a depressing effect on a man, that is, he is not left with a choice, he cannot even find the one for himself, take care of her in order to self-actualize in the sexual and family plan.

In addition, all these Americanisms, the Western way of life, alien to our culture, raise a lot of questions in Russian society.The same gay culture is alien to us. I have been working as a doctor for almost 40 years, I remember when I worked as a venereologist in a dermatovenous dispensary, homosexuals came to us with venous diseases and the attitude towards them. Today, the West calls for tolerance, but at the same time hides the fact that Europe, which has sheltered millions of young and strong men, refugees from Africa, is overwhelmed by a wave of rape, and not only women from 12 to 80 years old, but also boys are raped. , boys.They are silent about this.

We have such things, of course, are not welcome, because in our culture we are ambiguous about this problem, therefore, I hope it will not come to the point that two men through a surrogate mother will have a child in order to make him a sex toy and give it to your friends for fun. And this can happen in gay families …

“Tatarstan is in one of the first places in terms of divorces, and 80 percent of young families break up in the second year of life”
Photo: pixabay.com


– And we also have many seemingly complete families, but a man leaves for a long time to work …

– … and we also have about a million men in prison, and these are young healthy people who spend their lives behind bars.

– But in the USA there are much more prisoners, as the statistics say …

– But in the United States and the people live much more than we do.I have repeatedly spoken from the TV screen about domestic violence that leads to her breakup. Tatarstan is in one of the first places in terms of divorces, and 80 percent of young families break up in the second year of life. What does this mean? The fact that young people, without thinking, without thoroughly weighing, are getting married. This, as I understand it, is a hasty decision, and often these are marriages on the fly, and it is difficult to say how an unexpected child adapts to this life, integrates into it and how parents will relate to him.

In addition, Russia is a country of a female family, in which a mother and her daughter raise children, and her husband-son-in-law is expelled in disgrace as a worthless, worthless person after having fulfilled his biological role. That is, a woman has given birth to a child, which means that a man is needed out of the house. This also causes some harm to the mental and physical health of a man, because, in my opinion, single men are like street children. Yes, today’s civilization gives him the opportunity to equip his life, but the fact is that a person is a creature of society, and all the same, no matter how puffed up a man that is good for him, somewhere in the hidden corners of his heart there is a melancholy.That is big, then small. After all, you still want home comfort, a warm female hand in the house. And a lot of men become lonely after 50 years. And this is also a problem of our time, naturally, they withdraw into themselves, cease to be in society, do not take care of their health and are focused only on work …

– Do you want to say that diseases of the genitourinary organs originate from here?

– When they ask me, for example, about prostatitis or impotence … Well, you can’t describe everything unambiguously, because how many patients, there are so many scenarios for the development of the same disease.Plus, everyone has their own concomitant diseases. Therefore, it is impossible to treat in general practice by standards. According to the standards, it can be treated in case of urgent need, resuscitation …

In general practice, when a doctor encounters a patient who has come to an appointment for the first time, of course, it is imperative to feel the patient literally through and through. It happens that I sit for hours with a person who came to the reception in order to understand him, with what he came to me. I need to comprehend how he lives, with whom, what problems he has, habits, sexual behavior, whom he loves, what he enjoys.The result is a clear problem. There are internal and external reasons for prostatitis. External, as a rule, “bad girls”, and internal – poor health of the man himself: focal foci of infection in the form of tonsillitis, sinusitis, bad teeth, hemorrhoids, anal fissures, paraproctitis, which pursue the male sex. And not the way men think, they say, he sat down on the curb and caught a cold – this is all a trigger, the problem itself has been sitting for a long time.

Very often, prostatitis is detected in an active way, when a man comes to an appointment, and he has prostatitis.We begin to understand, do tests for infections, the state of health of his other half is always specified. I usually watch a couple, because very often women are markers of certain diseases that can be very hidden in men.

A special topic is chlamydia, because there are diseases that can be used as biological weapons to destroy an entire nation. These would include trichomoniasis and chlamydia. After all, it is the unicellular protozoa that are the very reservoir of chronic infections – bacterial and viral, which contribute to the chronicization of any infection in the human body.Due to phagocytosis ( the process by which cells capture and digest particulate matter, approx. Ed. ), which Trichomonads possess ( genus of anaerobic dug up parasites of vertebrates approx. Ed. ), they can swallow yourself, keep any infections, including chlamydia, for years, and release them into the human body in small batches after death. But the fact is that in Trichomonas itself, chlamydia live in protected forms, so very often they cannot be identified.You have to use other methods.

Unfortunately, there are patients who start to google, on the basis that the doctor wants to cash in on them, tries to deceive them, not realizing that if you come to the doctor, no doctor is interested in deceiving. Still, people go to a medical institute with a certain temperament and mental qualities, so I don’t think that doctors, especially urologists, begin to deceive. They do not need this, but if a person has some kind of infection, they must trust the doctor, since only a specialist can make the correct diagnosis.We need to be treated, but our people are very sophisticated, they love to blame someone, that is, everyone will be to blame: doctors, teachers, journalists, everyone is to blame, but not the patient himself. And the fact that every citizen is obliged to take care of his health, people forget about this: no one is engaged in prevention. In our country, people do not consider it necessary, because it hurts even to get free medical examination.

– This clinical examination is often very formal …

– This is screening, thousands of people, like at the front, where there is a sorting “sick – healthy”.There, analyzes are made on what today forms the deadly diseases of civilization: in the first place – cardiovascular diseases, in the second – oncology. Therefore make cholesterol checked. Now there is one more misfortune – osteoporosis. The lack of ultraviolet radiation in our region leads to the fact that there are a lot of people with osteopenia and osteoporosis, as a result of which people have problems with bones and spine. I have experience when people broke their limbs, and traumatologists did not examine, did not send people to check vitamin D, calcium.They begin to treat with their own methods, but how to treat something if the callus is not formed, by analogy – what to build from if there are no bricks. Out of thin air?

Another feature of our region is iodine deficiency in the kidneys and thyroid diseases, leading to impaired erectile function and infertility. The main diseases of civilization – oncology, hypertension, osteoporosis, diabetes mellitus – do not hurt anything, plus thrombosis, which are formed due to a sedentary lifestyle. People do not move, people do not walk, it would seem that sitting in front of the TV in the evening – they took hold of the arms, took a walk, our city is beautiful.Hiking is a guarantee of health. If you feed 5-6 kilometers every evening, it will already be good, although an adult man needs to walk at least 10 kilometers, then there will be no problems – neither with the heart, nor with the vessels. We must educate the citizens of our country, educate a healthy generation, and a healthy generation begins with a healthy understanding of their lives.

“Unfortunately, young people marry without knowing sexual etiquette, sexual hygiene, the characteristics of male and female organisms”
Photo: pixabay.com


– Successful rich people, as it seems to many, do not experience male health problems. Is it so?

– The shepherd who grazes sheep in Dagestan is sexier than some of the men who drive Lexus, Maserati and other executive cars. Sometimes a man furnishes himself with shocking things, and this just speaks of his immaturity as a person.I somehow laughed when I read how one makes gold toilet bowls for himself, and our patriarch ordered himself a gilded chair in Italy. Why would a patriarch, a spiritual mentor of a country like Russia, need a gilded chair? I saw the Pope driving in an old car, and everyone can say hello to him by the hand. We live in an era of marketing and consumption. Alexander the Great, who conquered half the world, passed away, showing his army an empty hand, he did not take anything with him. Great people said that when you go to the grave, you will not take anything with you, but the memory of great deeds remains.No one remembers which chariot Tutankhamun rode, although everyone knows the Macedonian horse, because Bucephalus was an amazing horse in itself, but after all, no one knows about our Alexander Nevsky or Vladimir Yasnoye Solnyshko what they rode. What our contemporaries travel on or what someone ate – in the future it will not be interesting to anyone. They will ask for business.

– So what is the connection between show-off and the state of male health?

– There is a connection, show-offs are often not confirmed by physiology, but, on the other hand, there are clear characteristics of alpha males.That is, a trained eye will always see a successful man. And it’s not even about Rolex, it can have a completely simple watch. You know that Henry Ford rode a bicycle to work, not his representative cars, and many such people – the same Rothschilds, Rockefellers – preached asceticism in their families, their children did not grow up very spoiled.

I mean that a truly successful man looks different. If this is a wealthy person, he is very confident in his movements, he speaks very confidently, clearly builds his thoughts, clearly knows how to position himself in any situation, and besides, it is even important how he stands.A very important element is a man’s stance, how he spreads his legs, how he holds his hands, his entire external environment speaks volumes. He can be dressed in simple jeans, in a simple T-shirt, but he will immediately see everything. That is, you recognize the queen in rags, here is the same thing.

And boys with complexes who grew up in poor families were unloved children who were offended by their parents, relatives, neighbors, boys in the yard … They hide, then grow up, somewhere they were lucky to grab something, and off they go : my yacht is longer, my football club is cooler.Such a stupid competition. That is, pleasing oneself, persuading oneself – how great I am, how wonderful I am. And I have questions for them: what have you done for your country? Once, when we were on an excursion to Pavlovo, I was amazed there, seeing the monuments to Russian patronage, the buildings erected by them are still standing. What do we have now?

Therefore, potency is directly related to society. You can eat pumpkin seeds in kilograms, tons, smear with androgel, inject testosterone, do substitution therapy, but if a man has not realized himself in society, this will be of little help.

“If a woman wants to have good sex at night, she should give the man the opportunity to come and lie on the couch after work, and not nag him for it.”
Photo: pixabay.com

“Mother-in-law is not in vain FIGURES IN ANECDOTAS!”

– You say that the environment affects men’s health, but after all, the opinion of society is not important for everyone. It is said that dying yogis considered themselves happier than some healthy people.

– Mental health is completely different, the same yogis live in a slightly different dimension, they are far from our realities.Have you seen a yoga worker at least once? Why should he work when he falls into a state of samadhi, he can stay there for years. My very good friend Anatoly Mikhailovich Eldashev, our famous Tatarstan ethnographer, philosopher, historian, he considers such conditions as alcoholism, drugs “internal emigration”. A person, of course, made a passport for himself, went abroad, emigrated from the country, and we still have a state of “internal emigration”, when people, in order to escape the realities of today, go into alcoholism, drug addiction or become yogis.

– But, for example, intelligence officers are trained, they are specially taught to be indifferent to external factors, they can knock out a chair, crack on the head with something, and he, as if nothing had happened, should continue the conversation. This means that everyone can be taught this.

– Well, this is a profession, these are also people, but with a certain mentality. Take “17 Moments of Spring”, no matter how Stirlitz was a superhero, nevertheless he wore the image of his beloved wife in his soul. Every man should have an icon – a woman – and, in fact, there is one.Someone has it real, and someone a man can love and carry in his heart all his life, without ever having physical intimacy. And we know such facts in history. People converge if this is a purely physical contact – this is sex, but when souls grow in – this is already love, already the highest manifestation. It was not for nothing that the Greeks divided the relationship between a man and a woman into bodily love – charita – and heavenly love – agapi, and for some reason in Russia we have not yet learned. When we say “love”, we do not understand what it is: whether it is bodily contact, or maybe love is when they sit and look into each other’s eyes, receiving complete satisfaction.

Everyone has a different way and depends on how much a person is developed as a person. I read who we have the sexiest, it turned out, a small breed of monkeys, who have all contacts through sex. They swear – have coitus, fall in love – coitus again, bring up children – coitus, all have each other through coitus, and at this stage there is complete mutual understanding, love and peace, calmness. But we are not monkeys, but people …

– Maybe husband and wife also use physical intimacy as a solution to any problem?

– Well, yes, if your wife doesn’t tell you to take out the trash.I had a patient whose wife stopped getting erections because, as he said, he had a fixation with a bin. “When I look at my wife, instead of a woman, a trash can appears in my head,” he said. When they went to bed, his wife’s first question was: “Did you take out the trash?”

Unfortunately, young people marry without knowing sexual etiquette, sexual hygiene, and the characteristics of the male and female body. Girls, in order to understand their husbands, need to study well male physiology, psychology and realize that a man needs rest lying in a horizontal position.When a man is in a horizontal position, he is like a lion – he rests, when he moves, he works, for him this is a loading position. Therefore, if a woman wants to have good sex at night, she should give the man the opportunity to come and lie on the couch after work, and not nag him for it.

Still, men and women are different creatures, so those women who begin to measure themselves against men by strength or something else look funny. A woman will never do a man’s job better than a man.For example, if you take motorists, there are now a lot of women driving. But if you look closely, then yes, the ladies drive cars, but all our working transport is only men, and the reason for accidents in the first place is women! Therefore, men do rough male work, and women are still obliged to be women, to take care of the family, to cherish the children, to the husband, to respect the man in him, and not to create scandals and bring their mother into the house, who begins to build a son-in-law and destroy the family.Unfortunately, many women after 50 years, left alone, subconsciously strive to destroy, in addition, the daughter’s family. And many are achieving this. How many such cases have been, the mother-in-law does not appear in the anecdotes for nothing!

“Testosterone rises with movement, sports training, feelings, emotions, proper nutrition.”
Photo: pixabay.com


– Not only mother-in-law can destroy a family …

– I had a patient, he was already under 60, and his wife, who was only a couple of years younger, began to blackmail that he was already old, useless, no one needed … Come on, buy me such and such a fur coat, otherwise you won’t have sex, change my car.Everything is like in Pushkin’s fairy tale about a goldfish … The story was terrible, because a man came to me for help, thinking that he was impotent, since my wife said such things, they say, no woman would look at you. This is a variant of such domestic violence, when a woman verbally hammers his masculine essence into a man. And then he came to me with the certainty that he was impotent, but it turned out that the man was anywhere. He told with sadness that he came home and was looking for a corner where to hide from evil eyes. But then we developed a whole program with him, as a result of which he married a young and beautiful woman who had loved him for a long time.I warned him: you don’t get married right away, ask her if she will give you a child or not. If a woman loves unconditionally, she will say, of course, dear, I will give birth to a child, I love you. That’s when you marry her. And so it happened, the young woman unconditionally bore him a son, he bought a large apartment, made it socially protected, and they are happy … This is a well-known person in our republic, now he is happy, and I am happy.

Indeed, people come to an andrologist not only to get an injection in one place or to put a magic pill.Sometimes you have to talk for a long time, clean your brains from the garbage that has been lying there thanks to, say, domestic violence, and the man somehow begins to look at his life with different eyes. I remember when I was leaving for the profession of an andrologist from venereology, one of my teachers – the Leningrad professor Liebikh Sergey Sergeevich – told me a wonderful phrase: “It’s good that you are a woman andrologist, because your head will not have that plateau to sit on all male sexopathology, which you will have to listen to all your life. “In fact, this is so, there is a clear examination in my head. I have patients who have been treated abroad: in American, French hospitals, famous, but nevertheless these people have dropped anchor with me and understand that we have normal doctors in our country, and this is shown by my many years of practice. I have patients who have been observed by me for several decades, thank God, they are alive and well.

– How to explain the fact that there are people who do not lead a very healthy lifestyle, but in an intimate sense, everything is great with them?

– This is all for the time being, the fact is that the possibilities of our body are not unlimited, but the fact that such a male and all women in a row “has” … It is clear that a decent woman will not go with such a man, so he catches infections, everything starts to get inflamed and hurt him, but he does not pay attention.I had a patient who had gonorrhea 30 times! What good is it? I have had patients who brought themselves to the point that articular syndrome developed, there were cases when comrades dragged their sick friend on a stretcher. All why? Because the person was sick, and did not pay attention to himself.

– Academician, surgeon Fyodor Uglov, who lived for 104 years and performed operations at 100 years old, spoke about the benefits of abstinence …

– Uglov was a man, so he could preach such things from his own point of view, from his belfry.We have discussed this topic a million times. At one time, when I studied with Professor Liebig in St. Petersburg, I met a group of St. Petersburg psychics who worked under an agreement with Interpol, looked for missing people, documents … Just about the conservation of energy, the disputes were desperate. I believe that a man loses a lot of energy and vitality when he uses the services of prostitutes and when he goes to bed with a woman who does not love him. Where there are mutual feelings, there will always be complementarity, an exchange of energy, and the female energy is crazy, and a man who is in love and in love in return will always have more strength than a man who leads an ascetic lifestyle.

Any man, including Professor Uglov, has heavenly kingdom to him, he was a good man, but in my practice there are men for whom the norm is one sex per month, and he is happy, he has enough, there are men for whom the norm is three once a day … But they are both equally happy. We each have our own particular sexual constitution. If we look at the history of the church, the only function that they always wanted to manipulate is sex: then you can’t have sex, then you can.But sex is the most uncontrollable function of a person, and being free in sex, a person feels happy and free. But if you deprive him of everything, then there will be problems, because the body works according to the principle of feedback. If there is a request, there is an answer, and the function is executed. No request, and testosterone drops, like monks. The spinal centers of ejaculation and erection work according to general laws: the function has passed and the recovery period is surely going on, after a while the man is ready again – and again the recovery period.There will be no exhaustion.

– How to raise this same testosterone?

– Testosterone rises with movement, sports training, feelings, emotions, proper nutrition. There are, of course, men, since childhood they have problems – the lack of sex hormones, but this is already replenished with medication. When I worked at the RCH, we collaborated with pediatric endocrinologists from the DRKB, and they gave me these children with congenital hypogonadism in various forms. Of course, these guys will have problems with offspring, alas and ah …

“You need to dress appropriately for the weather, men should try to wear cotton and multilayer underwear.”
Photo: pixabay.com


– Do you think impotence will eventually lead to the extinction of humanity?

– Of course, as well as sexual immorality and all kinds of other sins. If you take the canons by which we lived in Soviet times, or take the canons of Islam, Christianity, then they are all the same. This suggests that humanity has developed laws that contribute to the preservation of humanity as a species.And when they step over these canons, it turns out a very bad thing. Don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t commit adultery – it’s not just that, everything is written in blood.

– In Islam, for example, as in other major religions, adultery is considered one of the deadly sins.

– Yes, there is nothing good in it, because it is a great deception. How can you have a relationship with a married man or a married woman?

“Why do our Russian men go around tight-lipped, unsure of themselves, doubting, with a bunch of complexes? Because my mother raised me wrong from childhood. ”
Photo: Irina Erokhina

– What drives people to commit adultery? Men usually make excuses that they are polygamous by nature.

– These are all double standards in society, this should not be. What does it mean that men are polygamous and women are monogamous? At one time, American families were studied by sexologists using an anonymous survey, as a result, it turned out that 30 percent of children born in marriage are not from husbands. When these numbers were published in the media, America went to kill the bastards. Women, especially with children, quite rarely go to all the trouble, because they are busy – they have children, families.Men are more active in this regard. Maybe this is how it should be, otherwise humanity would have degenerated long ago, and here, you see, someone will be born.

Morality began to decline in the early 90s with the collapse of the Soviet Union. The ideology was completely destroyed, and political technologies were used here, because it was necessary to destroy the country from the inside, to corrupt the youth. So we got it: beer, chips, chlamydia. Morality has fallen, sexual behavior has changed, before there was no such thing that girls were so eager to engage in oral sex, but now for some reason the priority is given to this matter.They practice oral sex, not classic sex, although I want to warn you that sometimes there are more infections in the mouth than in the genitals! Therefore, I do not advise you to practice oral sex as a relationship, as a way of intercourse. Oral sex is an overture, one of the stages of intercourse, which must end with classic sex. I know many girls believe that if they swallow the male sperm, they will be forever young, like Cleopatra. Nothing of the kind, you will be forever shabby and shabby, and it will be visible on your face … You also have to be careful with oral sex, a lot of diseases can be transmitted with sperm.

Chlamydia occurs in the intestines and pharynx, we find chlamydia in the mouth. I remember that rheumatologists sent a woman, they want to make a diagnosis, they cannot find a reason, and I took an analysis from her for chlamydia from the anus and found it. Everything, the diagnosis was made, and she was cured. Each pair has its own range of acceptability. One couple can practice and exercise, do whatever they want. They will take “Kamasutra” as a textbook, start practicing and all that, and the other couple is more modest.

“Morality began to decline in the early 90s with the collapse of the Soviet Union. So we got it: beer, chips, chlamydia … ”
Photo: pixabay.com

– Diversity is good.

– One day a babay from the Cheremshansk region came to see me and says that he has sex disharmony with his wife. And I ask him to tell how you live with her, and he: we just live, I am from above, she is from below. And I told him: what if the other way around? He in any way: “No, this is my male pride will not tolerate.”This is what caused the disharmony. By the way, he overcame himself, and everything worked out.

– What should a man do if he suspects a problem with this part of his health?

– If a man suspects some kind of problem, say, with urination, with an erection, with pain in the perineum, anus, in the head of the penis, testicles, in the lower abdomen, you must urgently go to the doctor, and not sit and wait, maybe All will pass. Our urologists are good, competent, the most important thing is prevention.It is easier and cheaper to prevent the disease.

– Probably, men need to take care of themselves in winter, and some of them walk in the same trousers, flaunt their autumn boots …

– In winter, I force all my patients to wear underwear, it is necessary, of course, that the scrotum is a natural refrigerator for sperm, but not so much that the testicles knock with a dull thud against each other and then the man comes with inflammation. It is compulsory to dress, but I also want to say about the baths.In the practice of Japanese geisha, there was such a means of preventing unnecessary pregnancy: before having physical intimacy, they put men in barrels and soared. And while he was steaming, the geisha sang songs to him, danced, and his spermatogenesis slowed down due to the fact that he was steaming. After such a barrel, there was a night of love without fear of getting pregnant. That is, a temperature of 80 degrees and above in the bath stops spermatogenesis. So if you take a steam bath, do it at a temperature of 60 degrees. And you need to dress according to the weather, men should try to put on cotton and multilayer underwear.

A strange paradox, like a man is closer to nature, and at the same time men kill this nature, mother earth … We live in a world made by male hands, male mind, everything around us was done by men. I always scold women: they do not know how to respect men, even for the fact that he was born a man. Pay attention, take any Caucasian, look how he stands, walks, talks … Because before he was born, there was an atmosphere of adoration and love around him – a boy was born! And why do our Russian men go around dull, insecure, doubting, with a bunch of complexes? Because my mother raised me incorrectly since childhood.

I said a lot to my patients at one time: whoever has sons – bring them here to talk. The most terrible thing is when a boy’s masculine essence is broken, it is “I am a boy, I am a man”. In life, he will be an insecure person who is easy to intimidate, bend over, who will never defend his position. That is, his testosterone, the hormone of aggression, will be low. Remember how several years ago a 14-year-old boy was killed in Greece, the whole country rose up there – the government was changed.And here children are being burned in “Winter Cherry”, they are being shot in Kerch, and everyone is silent … What does this mean? That Russia is a country of impotent people, and this is sad …

How will a relationship with a man who is much younger than you end up?

Only in the terrible anti-woman times was this ridiculous concept – “young”. Like, “boo-ha-ha, the old woman is completely off the hook – everything is getting younger, she’s been puffing her short skirt, smeared, a football player comes to her, she’s good for sons.” And even if it does, then what? People like each other, they have hot sex there.What’s bad? The woman was taught to be ashamed of her age, which is objectively bad.

My boyfriend is twelve years younger than me, and when everything was just beginning, I suddenly caught all these fears and prejudices. Everything rushed about and looked at myself in the mirror – what if I was old? But you see so many couples where the man is older, at the same time looks great, and everyone is only proud of him – they say, such a handsome man that you ask yourself: why the hell am I raping my psyche like that? Something I do not like myself? Do I need to make excuses to someone? Do I care what people think? (Or better: am I ready to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of hypothetical public censure?)

And the answer is “NO!”.I like me, I never make excuses – I don’t care, I’m not ready. Yes, we all have complexes, but we are not obliged to live with them. We must not let them influence us. Only joy lies ahead. Many more are visited by a wonderful question: what will happen next? Well, when you are fifty-five, and he is forty. And yes, it sounds funny now. Fifty five? Is this age ?! And, secondly, where is the guarantee that you will stay together with your peer? Well, yes, there are these wonderful thoughts that you will have nowhere to go – even if you feel mutual disgust, but it sounds hopeless.Life is to move. Search. Enjoy new perspectives and uncertainties.

Who wants to get bogged down in boring, routine, doom? I’m not sure. Because at seventy and at eighty I want to learn something new, to strive somewhere and so that after eighty I have new loves, new relationships, and not that painful peace and not that depressive stability that life in fear promises and inertia. When something ends, it means that something is beginning, and there is no more sexual and refreshing feeling than this anticipation.

Sexologists have established the age difference for partners

HELSINKI, 30 July. The age difference between life partners should be up to five years. If a woman or a man is significantly older, the risk of problems in the relationship increases. Sexologist Helgi Toomsalu says this, according to the DzD.ee portal.

“This should not be taken literally, as there are many people whose biological age does not match their psychological age.They are spiritually and physically much younger than it is in the passport. However, my practice shows that if the difference between partners is more than five years, problems arise more easily in their relationship, ”she notes.

Sexologist points out that problems arise in both sexual and everyday life. “Often women who marry a much younger partner find themselves living with a large child. And this always badly affects their sex life, they lose their appetite. Let’s be honest, every woman needs a real man to get excited, not a kid who looks at her with his devoted doggy eyes and brings coffee to bed every morning, ”she is sure.

In the same way, a man may feel insecure with an older woman, looking up at her. “But here a woman herself can do a lot, first of all, not allowing herself to be a mother and making a man feel like a man,” Toomsalu said.

“There is nothing wrong with a young man and an older woman sexually. Quite the opposite. The peak of female sexuality falls on 28-32 years, and in men at this age there is a slight decline. In women, sexuality decreases gradually after age 30, while in men it drops sharply.Thus, such a sexual partnership is very successful, a 30-year-old woman is as sexy as a 20-year-old young man, ”the sexologist said.

It is much more difficult for an older woman to fit into the social circle of her young partner, to be interested in his friends, to find common interests with him. “For example, a 30-32-year-old woman is at the peak of her development, she has a job, a career, an interesting hobby. And her 20-year-old partner is still quite a boy, ”said the specialist.

Even a 40-year-old woman, according to her, finds it difficult to get used to the social circle and interests of a 30-year-old partner.“However, women in this sense are more flexible than men who marry a woman who is much younger than them,” Toomsalu said.

The biggest problems, according to her observations, were in couples where the man is much older than the woman. “Couples came to me, where in one case the woman was 26 years old, and in the other – 28 years younger than the man. Their relationship was so severed, and not only in terms of sex, that it was impossible to do anything there, “Helgi Toomsalu summed up.

Earlier, the researcher of marriage, director of the psychophysiology laboratory at the University of California at Berkeley, Robert Levenson and colleagues, said that a long marriage does not necessarily have to kill love.Bianca Achevedo, a researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara, used telephone interviews to collect data on 274 men and women who have long been in serious relationships. As it turned out, on the romance scale, about 40% of them still received high scores. Many of the other 60% showed high levels of relationship satisfaction and were still in love with each other.

In another study, 17 couples of men and women who are in love with each other agreed to have brain scans.The scientists wanted to find out how long-term romantic relationships affect neurons. Participants in the experiment, who had been married on average for 21 years, were shown an image of their life partner. They were also shown photographs of two friends.

Compared to the reaction to other people, the sight of a spouse or spouse excited the areas of the brain associated with the feeling of love, just as it happened in couples who recently got together. But in older couples, scientists also noticed arousal in the parts of the brain associated with deep attachment.