Oldest sibling traits: The born identity | Family

10.10.197902.12.2021 by alexxlab

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The born identity | Family

The idea that the person we become is partly defined by the order in which we come in our family was first proposed by Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler. Adler believed that sibling hierarchy has a profound effect on our personalities, and can influence everything from the career choices we make to the people we fall in love with.

Studies suggest that the differences between oldest, middle and youngest siblings have more to do with nurture than nature. Oldest children often have higher IQs, but this isn’t necessarily because they are genetically more intelligent. It’s more likely that they will have had both more input from their parents, and taken on the role of teacher for their younger siblings, thus strengthening their own knowledge.

Although Adler’s theories have been challenged over the years, there are certain characteristics and life choices that seem remarkably consistent in oldest, middle, youngest and only children.

Oldest children

Typically responsible, confident and conscientious, they are more likely to mirror their parents’ beliefs and attitudes, and often choose to spend more time with adults. Oldest children are often natural leaders, and their role at work may reflect this.

Because they are more likely to have authority over younger siblings, or take on the role of surrogate parent, they have a tendency to be bossy and want things to be done their way. Oldest children can be perfectionists and worriers, and may put pressure on themselves to succeed.

Middle children

Likely to be adaptable, diplomatic and good at bringing people together, middle children are often popular and patient. However, because their role in the family changes from youngest to middle, it is thought that they often struggle to establish a clear role for themselves, and many go through a period of rebellion.

Middle children can be competitive: they do not have the time on their own with their parents that oldest children enjoy, and their role as the baby of the family is supplanted, so they have to find other ways of getting their parents’ attention.

Youngest children

Charming, impulsive and good

at getting their own way, the youngest child’s role as baby of the family means that he or she is likely to be indulged. This may mean fewer responsibilities and more opportunities for fun, but youngest children often find that they aren’t taken as seriously or given the independence they crave. Youngest children often rebel as a way of distinguishing themselves from older brothers and sisters. They are more likely to take risks, and often choose a career that is different from other members of their family.

Only children

Only children enjoy the same parental attention as first-borns and are often confident, conscientious and socially mature, due to the amount of time they spend in a largely adult world. They may have a tendency to assume that others know how they are feeling, or think the same way as they do, without question. They may be dependent on their parents for longer than other children, spending more time at home and delaying decisions about their future.

7 Interesting Habits All First-Born Children Have In Common

If you’re a first-born child, you likely find that you gravitate to other first-borns, and there seems to be more similarities than just being able to complain about being the guinea pig child. There are a number of interesting oldest child traits that all first-born children have in common, and it turns out, being the first-born child is not all that bad. Sure, you have to put up with stricter rules and pave the path for the siblings that come after you, but experts seem to think all this trailblazing actually leads to some pretty good habits down the line.

“First-born children are typically associated with leadership attributes, and can have strong personalities,” psychologist Dr. Seda Gragossian tells Bustle. A pretty determined bunch, first-borns take charge and tend to be more conscientious, Gragossian explains.

There is still some disagreement in psychology over the significance of birth order, but there seems to be extensive research that shows common traits between those who are born first and those who come later. Of course not every first-born will act the same, but many tend to have a lot in common.

If you’re the eldest in your family, you might be interested to know these seven interesting habits some first-born children may have in common.

1 They’re More Independent

First-borns tend to have no problem navigating the world on their own. “Growing up with one or more younger siblings often means parents are focused elsewhere, leaving first-borns to amuse or entertain themselves,” Kryss Shane, BS, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW tells Bustle.

2 They Care For Others

Eldest siblings can be nurturing and tend to others when they need them. “Growing up with one or more younger siblings means they have spent much of their lives in the company of smaller siblings who may have looked to them for comfort or who may have needed protection or assistance,” says Shane.

3 They Are Leaders

4 They Work Hard

Hannah Burton/Bustle

Firstborn children tend to be very achievement-oriented. “With younger siblings, it can be tougher to get parental attention, so first-borns often work harder to make sure to please or impress their parents,” says Shane.

5 They’re More Likely To Take Direction

Part of this success in work or school can be attributed to first-borns being more willing to do as their told by parents or other authority figures. A study published in the journal Child Development found that first-born children are more likely to conform. They are less likely to be rebellious than second-born children, who tend to be more adventurous.

6 They’re Better At Picking Up A Second Language

7 They’re Less Likely To Engage In Risky Behaviors

First-borns can sometimes be the more well-behaved ones during their teen years. A study from the journal Economic Inquiry found that first-borns are much less likely to use substances and be sexually active than they’re middle-born and last born counterparts.

Not every firstborn is the same, but if you’re the oldest in your family, experts say you’re likely to demonstrate a lot of hardworking, independent qualities.

How Birth Order Impacts Your Personality

Have you ever heard the opinion that older children are “more mature” than their siblings? Or maybe you’ve heard that middle children are more “neutral” and laid back. Believe it or not, your birth order may influence your personality and can be tied back to some of your character traits. It may even impact how you handle social situations — as an introvert or an extrovert. How is this possible? Many psychologists believe that depending on where you fall in the family structure, you may have to develop different strategies or tactics to gain your parents’ attention or favor. Additionally, parents are different with each child. For example, new parents are often much more cautious than seasoned ones with multiple children.

Do the traits ascribed to your birth order really match your true personality? Read on to see for yourself! In addition, consider earning your psychology degree online from JWU to learn more about different personality traits.

Oldest Child – “The Achiever”

The oldest child is the only child in the family that will completely have their parents to themselves; the firstborn often benefits emotionally from this experience and emerges with a sense of security and self-confidence. Because of all of the attention they receive from their parents as an infant, firstborn children tend to be responsible, well behaved, and possess strong leadership qualities.

The oldest children are often held to a higher standard. They are the first of everything, and their parents are going through it for the first time too. First time parents are often overly concerned that their baby might get a bump or a bruise, or worse. This can cause the parents to be more strict with their oldest than they are with their youngest. The inexperienced parents often have quite high expectations for their firstborn and want them to be successful. Because they want what is best for them, they often micromanage them. Parents seem to be more relaxed when it comes to younger siblings. Oldest children, on the other hand, tend to act like a second parent to their younger sibling, causing them to become protective and responsible in nature.

The Middle Child – “Switzerland”

Middle children are not able to have the title or privileges of firstborns, so they tend to be very good at cooperation, compromise, and negotiation. They often don’t get as much attention from the family so they find other sources for it such as in a small but important circle of friends. They can feel jealous that their older sibling is always accomplishing things first; although when they are younger they often advance quicker because they have their older sibling to watch. They often walk or read sooner than their older sibling did.

Middle children are loyal and faithful in their relationships and are good at relating to a variety of people, both older and younger. They tend to be the family peacekeeper—understanding, cooperative, agreeable, loyal, and flexible, yet competitive. One parent may be helping the older child with their homework while the other gets the baby ready for bed. The middle child may feel they have to compete for their parents’ attention. They often create their own niche, something unique to excel at that is different from their siblings. According to data, more U.S. presidents were second-born than any other birth order (15). Firstborn children are next, with 10 U.S. presidents falling into this category.

The Youngest Child – “The Baby”

The youngest children tend to have more freedom and are often the most independent. Parents are often more hands-off and lenient with the babies; they tend to be less cautious as they have gotten the new parent jitters out of the way. Just as with the oldest sibling, the youngest child often feels special and has a unique place in the family. They tend to be more rebellious and attention seeking, creative, social, and outgoing.

The Only Child – “The King of the Castle”

Only children tend to be more mature than those who have siblings. Only children are typically surrounded by adults, so they tend to be independent, confident, and intelligent. They have a lot in common with firstborn children, although they often are more creative yet less agreeable than those with siblings are.

Personality Isn’t Always Clear-Cut

Do you feel like these descriptions don’t exactly have you pegged? You are not alone. In fact, Alfred Adler, the first researcher to identify the significance of birth order, and his successors also talked about the concept of psychological birth order. They said it is not just the number (where you are in the numerical birth order) that matters but also the way that the child interprets it. In fact, it is believed that it is possible to identify with more than one birth order category, after all every firstborn child has been the oldest at one point, and middle children were once the youngest. The gap in years between children can also have an impact! Many experts agree that five or more years between kids act as a reset button. What about twins? Experts say that these rules don’t apply as twins get a special focus from parents.

Think of this as a fun exercise! Just as it is with any experience that you go through in life, it is your interpretation of how you experience things that matters. If you were a middle child and you felt that you had your parents’ undivided attention and never had to compete with your siblings, then that was your experience and that is great! Learning more about birth order and the effect on our personalities can be helpful for parents to see how they may, unknowingly, be influencing their children. As an adult, it is also interesting learn more about where some of your personality traits might stem from!

Want to learn more about earning your psychology degree with Johnson & Wales University? For more information, complete the Request Info form or call 855-JWU-1881.

How Being An Oldest, Middle Or Youngest Child Shapes Your Personality

Only children have a reputation for being perfectionists and high-achievers, constantly seeking attention and approval from their parents and from others.

But children with siblings, too, express unique personality types based on their birth order.

While a number of factors play a role in a child’s development — including genetics, environment and parenting — birth order can also influence their defining traits and behaviors.

Since the 1970s, thousands of scientific studies on birth order have been conducted, but psychologists often disagree about how much of a role birth order actually plays in development. However, some common aspects of the personalities of oldest, middle and youngest children that are consistent across the literature.

Why do these differences occur? Many psychologists have suggested that siblings’ personalities differ insofar as they adopt different strategies to win their parents’ attention and favor. By this theory, the oldest child may be more likely to identify with authority and support the status quo, while younger children are more likely to seek attention by rebelling.

“Kids learn their role in their family,” Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist and the author of The Birth Order Book and The First-Born Advantage, told The Huffington Post. “Firstborns are held to a higher standard. As kids come into the birth order, parents loosen up.”

Here’s more on what science says about the personalities of youngest, middle and oldest children:

Firstborn children tend to be achievement-oriented, often performing well in school and thriving in leadership positions, according to Leman.

“Firstborns are the first of everything … and they are the standard-bearers,” Leman said, adding that most U.S. presidents have been firstborn or only children.

Indeed, there is a good deal of research to support this personality profile, including a 2012 paper reviewing more than 500 studies from the past 20 years. In the paper, psychologists from the University of Georgia showed that the firstborn child (or the one who has taken on the psychological role of the “eldest”) is the most likely to hold leadership roles and to strive for achievement. A 2009 study published in the journal Child Development also found that firstborn children are more likely to conform — which can manifest as seeking to please their parents and others by doing well in school or in work.

“Firstborns tend to be responsible, competitive and conventional, whereas laterborns have to ‘distinguish’ themselves and create a specific niche by being playful, cooperative, and especially, rebellious,” Belgian psychologists Vassilis Saroglou and Laure Fiasse wrote in a 2003 paper published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

The personalities of youngest children — including the newest member of the British royal family, Her Royal Highness Princess Charlotte of Cambridge — are distinctly different from the personalities of their older siblings.

Studies have shown that the baby of the family tends to be more creative, rebellious and attention-seeking. This makes sense, considering the way parenting can often change from the oldest to the youngest child. Mom and dad are often more hands-off and lenient once they’ve become more comfortable in their role as parents, and have gone through the process of raising a child at least once.

“Youngest children are manipulative, social, outgoing, great at sales. … They got away with murder as kids and know how to get around people,” Leman said.

While the baby may be prone to attention-seeking behaviors, one study noted that there does not appear to be a link between youngest children and delinquency or problem behavior, as is sometimes suggested.

The oldest child gets Mom and Dad’s undivided attention, while the baby of the family can often get away with doing whatever they want. So where does that leave the middle child?

The middle child tends to be the family peace-keeper, Leman noted, and often possesses traits like agreeableness and loyalty.

A 2010 review of birth order literature also found that it’s common for middle children to be sociable, faithful in their relationships and good at relating to both older and younger people.

Because middle children are often stuck in the middle, quite literally, they tend to be great negotiators and compromisers, Leman said.

“Middle children are tougher to pin down, but they tend to be very loyal and to highly value their friendships,” he added.

So how can parents help oldest, middle and youngest children thrive? A parent’s most important job is to support a child’s unique journey, according to child development expert Dr. Gail Gross.

“Children need to be allowed to find their destiny, whatever their role in the family may be,” Gross advises parents in a HuffPost blog.

Leman advised honoring each child’s unique differences and respecting their diverse strengths and challenges.

“Treat your kids differently,” he said.

Birth Order Theory: Insights Into Your Personality

By: Mary Elizabeth Dean

Updated March 08, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC

Developing one’s personality can come from a variety of sources and influences in a child’s life, it can be fascinating and important to understand those influences. One great way to understand the influence of birth order on one’s personality is to discuss it with a therapist, they may be able to help you identify parts of your identity and how they developed. Understanding this and other aspects of one’s identity is only one reason therapy can be beneficial, a therapist can also help improve overall wellbeing and address any anxiety, relationship issues, or even sleep patterns.

Learn More About How Birth Order Has Influenced Your Life

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The study of personality and its formation has interested researchers and scientists for centuries. Personality refers to an individual’s different patterns of thinking, behaving, and feeling. People’s personalities encompass nearly every aspect of their human experience. Studying personalities usually falls into two categories:

Understanding differences in people’s personality characteristics- like temperament, sociability, and motivation

Discovering how various parts of a person come together as a whole

There are many theories of how personality forms, adapts, and is affected by one’s external environment. One personality study focuses on a person’s birth order. Birth order theory was developed by Alfred Adler in the twentieth century; it stated: the order in which a child was born impacted his or her personality. We will go over this further in this article.

Birth Order Theory: Adler’s Research

Alfred Adler was born just outside Vienna in 1870. He started his medical career as an ophthalmologist; then, switched to general practice in a less affluent part of Vienna. In 1907, he met Sigmund Freud and developed a working relationship with him and other prominent psychoanalysts of the time. As Adler progressed in his career, he sought to create a psychological movement based on a holistic view of an individual. Unlike Freud, Adler believed the social and community aspects of a person’s life were just as important as internal thoughts and emotions. Adler’s desire to understand how social factors influence personality extended to child development. His birth order theory described how the family environment shaped a child’s thoughts and behaviors.

Source: rebelcircus.com

What Birth Order Theory Is Not

Birth order personality traits are not necessarily present when a child is born into a family. For example, the first child is not born with particular personality traits ingrained in his or her psyche. Instead, in birth order theory, Adler illustrates how family environments and dynamics play a role in shaping personality during a child’s formative years. Though every family is different, there are many similarities between the interactions of parents and children, as well as siblings, as a family grows and develops.

The Family’s Role in Birth Order Personality Traits

Most researchers agree there are several influences shaping personality. Common factors include:

Biological: Children inherit many traits and features from their parents. These include intelligence, courage, and physical features.

Social: By interacting with others in an individual’s social circle, children learn behaviors and thought patterns from their experiences.

Cultural: A child growing up within a culture consciously or unconsciously adopts traits consistent with the culture’s beliefs and norms.

Physical Environment: An individual’s surroundings often impact the development of personality. For example, the personalities of those growing up in a rural area are often very different from those living in an urban environment.

Situational: As a child grows, they face different situations, which help them adapt and change aspects of their personality. This could be meeting new friends, experiencing a trauma, or, of course, welcoming a new sibling.

When looking at these factors, we see family life can incorporate all of these. Since most children’s lives are, at first, shaped by everything going on in the family, it is no wonder birth order theory has remained relevant throughout the decades.

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The following traits are general examples of how birth order and personality are related. Of course, many other factors could impact the development of a child’s personality; some will be discussed later.

Only Children

These children tend to get much more attention from adults than a child with siblings. This means many of their early interactions involve individuals significantly older than them. These interactions can make them feel like “tiny adults,” and they can seem more mature than peers with siblings. Traits include:

Confidence

Mature for their age

Sensitive

Uses adult language

Self-centered

Pampered and often spoiled

Enjoys being the center of attention

Feels unfairly treated when not getting their own way

May refuse to cooperate with others

Desire to be more like adults, so may not relate well with peers

Can be manipulative to get their way

First Child

Since the firstborn child is used to being an only child until the little brother or sister comes along, he or she may exhibit some of the characteristics of an only child. Also, the firstborn may have these birth order personality traits:

Achiever and leader

Feels must have superiority over other children

May have difficulty when the second child is born, such as feeling unloved or neglected

Can be controlling and focused on being correct

Uses good (or bad) behavior to regain parents’ attention

Bossy or authoritarian

Strives to please others

Reliable

Can be protective or helpful towards others

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Second Child

The second child and middle children began their lives, sharing the attention of their parents with the firstborn. By having an older sibling as a role model, the second child often tries to catch up with them. Adler believes the second child is most likely to be better adjusted in life. A second child could be:

More competitive

Lacking the undivided attention of parents

A people pleaser

A peacemaker

Developing abilities the first child doesn’t exhibit to gain attention

Rebellious

Independent

Middle Child

Many have heard of the “middle child syndrome” and the difficulties these children can present. Considering the significant changes they deal with early in life, it’s no wonder they could become frustrated or resentful. Not only do they lose their “youngest child” status, but they also have to share their attention with older and younger siblings. Middle children of bigger families often aren’t as competitive as single middle children, since their parents’ attention is spread thinner. Middle children in bigger families are more prone to using cooperation to get what they want. Middle child traits include:

Can feel life is unfair

Can be even-tempered

May feel unloved or left out

Doesn’t have the rights and responsibilities of the oldest sibling or the privileges of the youngest.

Adaptable

Impatient

Outgoing and rambunctious

Learns to deal with both older and younger siblings

Treating younger siblings rougher

Feel “squeezed” in the family environment

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Youngest Child

The last born child cannot be dethroned by a younger sibling. The “baby” of the family tends to get more attention from parents, since the older siblings are developing and becoming more independent. Traits of the youngest child:

Charming and outgoing

Attention seeker

Can behave like the only child

Feels inferior- like everyone is bigger or more capable

Expects others to make decisions and take responsibility

May not be taken seriously

Can become “speedier” in development to catch up to other siblings

Other Factors Influencing Birth Order Personality

As we all know, each family is different and has unique dynamics. Birth order alone will not determine the complexities of one’s personality. As child and family develop and evolve, certain circumstances may impact the personality of a child.

Blended or Step-Families

When two parents remarry, especially when children are in their formative years, the family unit goes through a period of disorientation and competition. For example, two firstborns in the new family will search for their “place” and may compete to keep their “first born status.”

Differences in Ages

When there are gaps of three or more years between siblings, it is common for the birth order to restart. In a family with many children, this could create birth order subgroups.

Health and Mental Issues

A child born with significant physical or neurodevelopmental disabilities can remain in the “youngest” position regardless of the birth order. This impacts the psychological birth order position of the other children.

Gender of Siblings

The most psychological competition occurs between children of the same gender similar in ages.

Death of A Sibling

The impacts of a child’s death are devastating for families. This includes the personalities of the surviving siblings. Some children may adapt by developing overindulgent tendencies. Also, a glorification of the deceased child can occur- where other siblings could never live up to the pristine image of the deceased sibling.

Adoption

An adopted child often has special circumstances in the family dynamic. For parents with difficulties conceiving, having an adopted child may be seen as a special gift. These parents have a greater tendency to spoil or overindulge the child. When an adopted child comes into an established family, he or she may find difficulties fitting into the dynamic. Emotional struggles due to not being wanted by birth parents and not fitting in with biological siblings are common. Sometimes these feelings of inadequacy warrant therapy.

Does the Correlation of Birth Order and Personality Exist?

Studies have linked higher intelligence to family’s eldest children. This could be due to the fact that parents have more emotional and intellectual resources to give when fewer children are present in the family.

In a study of more than 20,000 participants, however, data revealed no significant effects of birth order of the Big Five personality traits. These include extraversion, emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness to experience.

Does this mean birth order theory should be discarded? Probably not. This only proves the formation of personality is not simply explained by a child’s birth position in the family. Multiple factors, including socioeconomic status, parental attitudes, gender roles, and social influences, also contribute to shaping an individual’s personality. Birth order may explain some people’s tendencies, but everything going on in a person’s life must be considered.

If you are struggling with emotional issues, a psychotherapist may be able to illuminate how your personality plays a part. Psychotherapy can help find the root cause of some issues while allowing you to discover the necessary changes needed to live a happy, fulfilling life. If a traditional therapy setting is too cost-preventative or not a feasible option, consider using affordable online counseling through BetterHelp. The licensed and accredited therapists of BetterHelp can give you a new option for regaining emotional control of your life. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing issues related to family and birth order.

Counselor Reviews

“Wendy, Thank you for all the help you’ve provided. My family and I are in a much better place. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you.”

“I started seeing Whitney to help me with my anger issues and a breakdown of communication with my family. She’s warm, supportive, kind, encouraging and, in a short period of time, has offered me great insight into my situation. She follows up with me and checks in on how I’m doing, and has been incredibly generous and flexible with her time. She’s helped me to understand the underlying emotions of my anger and to empathize with my family, which in turn has lead me to feel calmer and better equipped to cope with reality. Through practical exercises and actionable steps, she has guided me to a higher level of self-awareness, emotional peace, and clarity. I’m so grateful to her.”

Conclusion

Your personality may or may not have anything to do with your birth order. There are many things you can do to become attuned to yourself and your personality. If you find your personality is causing you stress, a therapist can help. The only thing standing between you and your peace is a few clicks. Take the first step today.

Does Birth Order Affect Personality?

In spite of sharing genes and environments, siblings are often not as similar in nature as one might think. But where do the supposed differences come from? Alfred Adler, a 19th- and early 20th-century Austrian psychotherapist and founder of individual psychology, suspected that birth order leads to differences in siblings.

Adler considered firstborns to be neurotic, because they don’t have to share their parents for years and are essentially dethroned once a sibling comes along. He also considered oldest children dutiful and sometimes conservative. According to Adler, the youngest children are ambitious, while middle children are optimally positioned in the family and are characterized by emotional stability. Adler himself was the second of seven children.

American psychologist Frank J. Sulloway, who, in the mid-1990s, combed history books for leading figures who were firstborns and rebellious ones who were born later, saw a similar trend. Among the later borns, he found lateral thinkers and revolutionaries, such as Charles Darwin, Karl Marx and Mahatma Gandhi. Among firstborns, he discovered leaders such as Joseph Stalin and Benito Mussolini. His explanation? Every child occupies a certain niche within the family and then uses his or her own strategies to master life. Firstborn and single children had less reason to quarrel with the status quo and identify more strongly with the worldview of their fathers and mothers. Younger siblings are less sure of their parents’ view and therefore more often choose alternative paths in life.

Such categorizations are popular because they’re rather intuitive, and one can always find an example of the sensible big sister or the rebellious young brother in their circle of acquaintances. As such, Adler’s words still appear regularly in educational guides and continue to reverberate in the minds of parents.

Furthermore, some studies confirmed the idea that sibling position can shape personality. For example, a 1968 study showed that, compared with later borns, first borns are less likely to participate in dangerous sports because of fears of physical injury. And a 1980 study of 170 female and 142 male undergraduates showed lower anxiety and higher ego in firstborns, as measured by the Howarth Personality Questionnaire. At times, however, these investigations used questionable methods. For example, members of the same family were often asked to assess themselves in terms of extraversion, openness to experiences, conscientiousness, tolerance and neuroticism. The catch is these surveys were conducted at only one point in time. The older siblings were therefore not only born first but also simply older. It has long been known that adolescents become more conscientious as they age. This trend could account for a large part of the results. Another methodological flaw was that only one person judged his or her own personality and that of his or her siblings. This detail is important because self-perception and the perception of others can sometimes differ considerably. In addition, the test subjects may have subconsciously incorporated the cliché of dutiful older siblings and cosmopolitan later borns into their evaluation and could have thus brought about the expected result themselves.

Meanwhile scientists who analyzed large, transnational data and compared different families with each other have found the effect of sibling succession on personality disappears almost completely. Researchers led by psychologist Julia Rohrer of the University of Leipzig in Germany evaluated data from more than 20,000 interviewees from Germany, the U.K. and the U.S. They compared the personality profiles of siblings but also of people with different birth orders who had never met. The Leipzig psychologists did not discover any systematic differences in personality.

In such studies, researchers must be particularly cautious because, in addition to age, the size of one’s family is another factor that’s intertwined with sibling position. A child from a family of four has a 50 percent chance of being a firstborn; the more siblings, the lower the probability. For example, the fact that many astronauts are firstborns does not necessarily speak to the special qualities of those born first. It’s likely that many astronauts come from smaller families. To better understand these influences, Rohrer and her team controlled forthe number of siblings. That’s because when there are more of them, there are more later borns. So the researchers hypothesized later borns may more often appear in families of lower socioeconomic classes—which could account for differences between children of different-sized families.

The larger the sample, the more likely even very small effects will be detected. For example, in a 2015 study, which included 377,000 high school students, psychologist Rodica Damian and her colleague Brent W. Roberts, both then at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign discovered that firstborns tended to be more conscientious, extraverted and willing to lead. Contrary to expectations, they were also more tolerant and emotionally stable than adolescents with older siblings. Yet the differences were very small, and the researchers concluded that the importance that is generally attached to sibling position in shaping one’s character is exaggerated.

“It is quite possible that the position in the sibling sequence shapes the personality—but not in every family in the same way,” says Frank Spinath, a psychologist at Saarland University in Germany. “In other words, there may be an influence but not a systematic one. Nevertheless, other influences weigh more heavily when it comes to the differences in character of siblings. In addition to genes, the so-called undivided environment also plays a role. For siblings who grow up in the same family, this includes the respective circle of friends, for example.” Further, parents do not treat their children the same regardless of their birth rank. Studies show that parents react sensitively to the innate temperament of their offspring and adapt their upbringing accordingly.

Damian’s study also found that on average, firstborns enjoy a small IQ advantage over their younger siblings. Those born first also tend to complete their education with a higher degree and opt for traditionally prestigious careers, such as medicine or engineering.

How does this intellectual advantage come about? Adler may be right that the undivided attention given to the first child in early life promotes cognitive abilities. This advantage is already apparent by the age of two. Norwegian researchers Petter Kristensen and Tor Bjerkedal cleverly showed that the difference in intelligence is not linked to biological factors (some had suspected it might be related to physical conditions during pregnancy). They tested children whose older siblings had died early. The researchers’ assumption was that although these children were biologically younger siblings, they assumed the role of the firstborn in the family. Compared with other younger siblings, they achieved better results in intelligence tests.

The Surprising Ways Your Birth Order Impacts Your Personality Type

Only children can’t share. First-borns are bossy. And the youngest child gets away with murder. We all know the stereotypes connecting personality with birth order, and no matter where you sit in your family tree, you likely have some assumptions about how your position in your family helped to shape your personality.

But is it true that your birth position can drive your personality and behavior? We wanted to find out. So, we asked visitors taking our TypeFinder Personality Test (based on Myers and Briggs’ typology) to share their family history. Some 5,747 people generously responded, and we correlated those responses with volunteers’ personality types to see what trends, if any, we could uncover.

What do you think we found? Are first-borns really our natural leaders? Are sandwich kids as harmony-oriented and fairness-loving as we think they are? Do the babies of the family enjoy more independence than their older siblings—and the confidence that goes along with it?

I won’t leave you in suspense—the stereotypes are, by and large, absolutely true. When we analyzed the data for all 16 personality types in Myers and Briggs’ system, we found some startlingly familiar trends in the four preferences and birth order.

Here’s what we discovered:

First Borns Take the Lead

If you’re looking for a natural leader, look no further than your firstborn. Being the oldest translates into certain family responsibilities that require leadership skills from an early age. Parents tend to invest much more time in their first borns, and expect them to serve as role models to their younger siblings. As a result, parents describe their first-born children as:

Responsible
Conscientious
Diligent
Structured
Achievers, in terms of educational and career achievement.

Looking at this list of traits, we can predict that oldest children will favor fact-oriented personality traits, namely Thinking (in Myers and Briggs’ theory, this indicates a person who makes decisions based on logic) and Judging (the desire to be organized and have decisions made). TJs like rules and guidelines, are conscientious, and respect and trust authority, which explains why they’re overrepresented in the leadership and management ranks of corporate America.

Does the data support these assumptions? Yes—and the results are striking. When we looked at our respondents’ personality results, first-borns, by a fair margin, were Thinker-Judgers. Roughly 19.5 percent more ESTJs were first-borns than we would expect to see if birth order and personality were completely uncorrelated; for INTJs, the figure is 17.5 percent.

Bringing up the rear are the ESTPs, ESFPs and ISFPs with far fewer of these personalities being a firstborn child than we would expect to see if personality traits were distributed by chance. It’s not easy being a free-wheeling Perceiver when your parents are overwhelming you with so much structure and attention.

Type Prevalence Among First-Born Children (Percentage Compared to Expected)

Middle Kids Make Connections

Middle kids are in a bit of a bind. Unlike firstborns, they never had the parents to themselves, but they didn’t get to enjoy all the fuss and privileges of the youngest child either. They get the short end of the stick in terms of parental attention—and are perceived as being eager to please and impress as a result. Here are some of the stereotypical traits we expect of middle children:

Easy going
People-pleasers
Thrive on friendships
Gold-star negotiating skills
Peacemakers

The prediction here is that middles would exhibit high Feeling preferences, making decisions based on compassion and what is important to people. You might also expect them to lean towards Perceiving (over Judging) since there’s an advantage to being easy-going and flexible as you navigate the middle ground.

So what does the data show? You guessed it—there’s a strong likelihood that a middle child will be a Feeler. Way out in front, ISFP types are a whole 41.67 percent more likely to be a middle child than chance would suggest, with ESFP and ISFJ following close behind. We do note the relatively small sample size for ISFPs, which means these results are more prone to error. But, even if the trend is less exaggerated than these data show, it certainly signals an area ripe for further exploration.

For middles, there’s a negative correlation with Thinking types across the board. In terms of the individual traits, middle kids are 6.93 percent more likely to be Feelers, and 7.23 percent less likely to be Thinkers than if personality had no relationship with your position in the family hierarchy. This is significant!

There’s another trait to consider here and that’s Extraversion. All that floundering in the middle often leads sandwich children to develop many and varied friendships, since parental attention is normally devoted to the firstborn or the baby of the family. Introverts typically find it less appealing to maintain a large network of friends, so it’s no surprise to learn that middles are more likely to be Extraverts than Introverts.

Or, to put it another way, locating an INTJ who is also a middle would be an extremely rare find. Which explains why INTJs are a full 30 percent less likely to be middle kids than if personality happened by chance!

Type Prevalence Among MIddle Children (Percentage Compared to Expected)

Youngests Just Want to Have Fun

Although the youngest gets the “baby bonus” of parental coddling, it’s not all easy for these kids. Parents tend to be less impressed by their accomplishments because they’ve “been there, done that” with older children. And there’s just no time left to police these kids, so they get to play fast and loose with the household rules. This means that youngest children are more willing to take risks than older kids, and they often develop “out there” ways to attract attention, such as being the family clown.

Other stereotypical youngest-child traits include:

Uncomplicated
Outgoing
Attention-hungry
Rebellious
Self centered

What’s the personality prediction here? We reckon that last-borns would be Extraverted and Perceiving for sure, and may exhibit a slight leaning towards Sensing (living in the moment) over Intuition (future focused), although the latter is a tougher call.

Once again, the data shows this prediction to be true. ESFPs and ESTPs are 22.22 percent and 14.29 percent respectively more likely to be younger children than if personality had no connection with birth order. The opposite is true for NTJs, who are significantly underrepresented in the baby-of-the-family group.

Overall, though, being the youngest child seemed to have the least impact on individual personality traits.

Type Prevalence Among Youngest Children (Percentage Compared to Expected)

What About Onlies?

Only children occupy a special place. They enjoy the full attention of their parents for their entire lives, and do not have to share resources such as their parents’ time or money with anyone. Not only do they get more attention than siblings, they typically have adults rather than peers to latch onto and learn from. Essentially, this makes the only child something like a “super-firstborn” but with a bit more freewheeling self-confidence thrown in—these kids can take more risks than firstborns as they have exclusive access to the parental safety net.

In terms of specific traits, onlies are expected to be:

Confident
Perfectionist
Independent
Outside the box thinkers
Wise beyond their years

The prediction, then, is for onlies to be Thinkers like firstborns, but with less propensity for Judging. In fact, we might speculate a preference for Perceiving. Without siblings to boss around, onlies can afford to be a bit less structured than firstborns.

There are a few interesting trends to take note of here.

First, our ESTP respondents were 100 percent more likely to be only children than if personality and birth order were completely uncorrelated. This is an extraordinary result, and possibly one that should be taken with a grain of salt since ESTPs— and SPs generally—were woefully underrepresented in our respondent group. (The data potentially tells us more about an SP’s attitude to surveys than it does about their birth order personality, so we’re not reading too much into this finding.)

But there are some other trends which are really pronounced—for instance, there are 32 percent more INTP only children than we would expect to see by chance. On the flip side, ESFPs and INFJs are significantly less likely to have grown up as only children, by 44 percent and 34 percent respectively.

Type Prevalence Among Only Children (Percentage Compared to Expected)

Across the board, it seems that being an only child has the most impact on individual personality traits of any family position. Onlies are much more likely to be Thinkers (rather than Feelers), perhaps because they’re not under as much pressure to be agreeable with no siblings about. They’re also more likely to be Perceivers (rather than Judgers), and slightly more likely to be Intuitives (rather than Sensors), although the reasons for this difference are harder to guess at. It could be that only children get more time to daydream, wonder, and explore in their smaller, less busy families—or it could be that the complexity of parenting an NTP kid leads parents to decide that one is enough!

As to Introversion/ Extraversion, you might theorize that only children would be more introverted since they’re lacking sibling company. Or, maybe they’d be more extraverted, since they have to make more effort to socialize. In fact, the data shows a very slight Extraversion bias—but the data here is underwhelming. Being an only child doesn’t appear to have a significant impact on Introversion versus Extraversion at all.

The Meaning of Birth Order

We did this analysis to see if there were any trends in birth order in relationship to personality type. We were curious to know whether there were certain types that were more likely to occur in a particular birth position, or if particular preferences were influenced by the family structure. What’s fascinating is that overall, the data suggests that what we assume about birth order and personality is mostly true—whether you’re firstborn, middle child, last-born, or only child, birth order can have a big effect on your personality in all the ways that parents have observed.

One discovery that we found especially interesting is that some types are much more (or much less) likely to occur in a particular birth position. INTJs, for instance, are unlikely to be middle children. ESTJs are likely to be firstborns. INTPs are often only children and ESFPs are almost never only children.

So, perhaps these findings can help you to better understand what makes you (and your siblings!) who you are. In the meantime, psychologists continue to chip away at an understanding of how our personalities are formed. Birth order may only be a small part of what makes us who we are, but it seems to be a significant one.

Which leaves us with a final question: how do you think your birth order influenced your personality type?

90,000 without them, we would be different!

Love and Hate

The psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan invented a special word “hate-love” to express ambivalent fraternal feelings. The question is how these opposing principles will be balanced. “Sometimes my sister and I can quarrel to smithereens,” admits 31-year-old Daria. “Although we really adore each other.”

Vitalina Chibis comments: “An adult is able to realize his jealousy and envy, to cope with them.Then he can accept a brother or sister, look at him or her more realistically. ” If this work does not take place, mutual hostility can prevail, which leads at best to indifference, at worst to severe enmity. Myths – about Abel and Cain, Romulus and Remus – figuratively reflected this collision, when it is impossible to bear the fact that you are no longer the only one, it is impossible to be yourself while the other exists.

Sometimes, says Varvara Sidorova, brothers and sisters dot the i after the death of their parents, for whose love they competed.“Already adults, living an independent life, seem to step back and complete this inner work – or break off relations, or, conversely, get closer.”

School of Communication

“Parents gave each of them their own role,” says 28-year-old Polina. – I was “pretty”, and they didn’t really support me – they say, everything will work out for you, “but your sister, poor thing …”. We were constantly pushed against each other, and each had the feeling that she was cheating the other. Until now, I am afraid to take something away from someone, although I don’t know what exactly ”.

Unconscious projections of what we have experienced with brothers and sisters are manifesting in our relationships. Actually, the experience of life in society begins with fraternal relations – even before socialization in kindergarten begins, notes Marcel Rufo. And her main instrument is play. This is the territory in which the child builds imaginary worlds, experiments with roles, learns to develop rules and break them. Every success, every failure helps him understand his place and adjust his strategies.These strategies continue to work well into adulthood.

“For example, if a brother or sister caused strong envy, then, as an adult, a person unconsciously may treat others in the same way – colleagues, partners, friends,” explains Vitalina Chibis. “Conversely, the experience of a warm brotherhood increases the likelihood that other relationships will be good, especially in personal life.”

Resolution of the issue of the possibility of adopting children separately from their brothers and sisters (paragraph 3 of Article 124 of the RF IC) / ConsultantPlus

Resolution of the issue of the possibility of adopting children separately

from their brothers and sisters (paragraph 3 of Article 124 of the RF IC)

When considering an application for the adoption of a child with brothers and sisters who were also left without parental care, in respect of whom the adoption issue was not raised by the applicants, the courts proceeded from the fact that, by virtue of paragraph 3 of Article 124 of the RF IC, the adoption of siblings by different persons is not allowed, except in cases where adoption is in the interests of children.At the same time, the courts took into account the explanations contained in paragraph 13 of the decision of the Plenum of the Supreme Court of the Russian Federation of April 20, 2006 N 8, according to which, if the adopted child has brothers or sisters who are also left without parental care, and in relation to them the applicant does not put the issue of adoption, or other persons want to adopt these children, adoption is permissible only if it is in the interests of the child (for example, the children are not aware of their relationship, did not live or were raised together, are in different children’s institutions, cannot live and be raised together for health reasons).This rule also applies to cases of adoption by different persons of half-brothers and sisters.

In this regard, the courts examined documents confirming the existence of family ties between children, a personal file of a child from a children’s institution, the conclusion of a guardianship and guardianship authority on the possibility of adopting a child separately from his brothers and sisters, and also ascertained questions about whether the brothers and sisters of the adopted child to the category of children left without parental care, where and from what time are the minor brothers and sisters of the adopted child brought up, what are the reasons for the separation and upbringing of children, was the adopted child brought up with brothers and sisters, did he communicate with them, what state health of children and whether they can, for health reasons, live and be raised in the same family, and other circumstances.

In judicial practice, there have been cases when an adopted child and his brothers or sisters were brought up in the same children’s institution and knew each other or were brought up in different institutions, but previously communicated with each other. In these cases, the courts most thoroughly examined the questions of whether the family ties between children were preserved, whether the separation of children would lead to psychological trauma, whether adoption would be in the interests of the children.

For example, the Arkhangelsk Regional Court in three cases of international adoption in order to establish the possibility of separating children (placing children in different families) instructed psychologists from specialized centers to conduct psychological diagnostics of brothers (sisters) to identify the degree of attachment of children to each other, the formation of family relations.The results of this survey were taken into account by the court when making a decision to satisfy the application of the adoptive parents.

Leningrad Regional Court in the case of separate adoption of children and provided that such adoption is in the interests of the children, nevertheless, the question of how the adoptive parents will act if the adopted child wants to establish family relations with his brother or sister, will not the adoptive parents interfere this. When considering such cases, the adoptive parents have always explained that they will respect the child’s desire to communicate with brothers (sisters) and will help him to improve relations with them.

The generalization of judicial practice showed that the decision to adopt a child separately from brothers and sisters was of an exceptional nature and was taken by the courts only if it was in the interests of the children, while the courts took into account the specific circumstances of each case.

For example, the Chelyabinsk Regional Court, satisfying the application of Italian citizens for the adoption of a brother and sister who had two older sisters, proceeded from the fact that since the removal of children from the family due to an immediate threat to their life or health, the adopted children and older sisters have not seen each other and did not communicate with each other, the feeling of affection between them was not formed, family ties were lost.The court also took into account the circumstances that the children being adopted are brought up together, being in the same group of the children’s institution, they recognize each other as brother and sister, however, if it is impossible to transfer them to a family for foster care, the girl will be transferred to the children’s institution of another upon reaching the age of five. species for the purpose of her upbringing and education in special conditions in connection with her existing disease, that is, children (brother and sister) will grow up separately from each other, which does not meet their interests.Taking these circumstances into account, the court concluded that it would be in the interests of the children to adopt a brother and sister separately from older sisters. The court of appeal also agreed with this conclusion of the court of first instance. By the decision of the Judicial Collegium for Civil Cases of the Supreme Court of the Russian Federation, the decision of the Chelyabinsk Regional Court was left unchanged.

The Smolensk Regional Court, having considered two cases based on applications from citizens of Italy and France about the adoption of each of the married couples of minor Russian citizens who were sisters to each other, concluded that the adoption of sisters by different adoptive parents would be in the interests of the children, and satisfied the applicants’ claims, since since 2012 the children have been living separately and brought up in different children’s institutions, family ties between them have actually been lost, both sisters have poor health and need special corrective treatment.At the same time, the court took into account the fact that both married couples are familiar with each other and in the court session expressed their readiness to facilitate communication between the sisters in order to restore their blood relationship.

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90,000 “Three Sisters”, “Walking Through the Torment”, “Eugene Onegin”, “War and Peace”.

All fans of the novels of the English writer Jane Austen know how much space is given there to sisterly love and friendship – remember “Pride and Prejudice”, “Sense and Sensibility”.How is this feeling described in Russian classics? Let’s remember all the sisters by name together with Sofia Bagdasarova.

Pushkin: Tatiana and Olga Larins

Still from the film-opera “Eugene Onegin” (1958)

Still from the film-opera “Eugene Onegin” (1958 )

Two elegant gentlemen from the capital come to the provinces, where they immediately begin to be prompted to marry local young ladies. One is proud and unapproachable, intended by the author in a pair of an intelligent and reserved sister, the second is cheerful and cheerful, looking for the love of a sister with the same open character.Is this the connection between Darcy and Bingley or Onegin and Lensky?

Indeed, at first glance, the similarity is great – the heroines of Austin and Pushkin even wear the same Empire fashion dresses with a high waist. No wonder the British in 1998 even filmed Onegin in the spirit of their BBC costume films. But there is no real spirit of sisterly love in the Russian novel: Olga and Tatiana are shown so different in character and intelligence that friendship between them is unthinkable.

Our estimate: three.

The Dark Side: Another Pushkin’s work, The Tale of Tsar Saltan, shows the worst example of a sisters relationship. It is better not to imitate him, otherwise you can be left without an eye!

Dostoevsky: Alexandra, Adelaide and Aglaya Epanchin

Still from the film The Idiot (1958)

Perhaps the most ideal Russians young sisters are described in the novel The Idiot. General Yepanchin’s three daughters “loved each other remarkably and supported one another”, were modest, studied painting and music, read so many books that they spoke of it “with horror.”In addition, they were handsome and had a considerable dowry.

To emphasize their similarity, Dostoevsky even comes up with names for all of them, starting with one letter. In the future, the sisters have some kind of heart problems, unsuccessful grooms and husbands appear. But the author is clearly not very interested in dealing with them, because he has a whole Nastasya Filippovna.

Our estimate: four.

The dark side: , on the other hand, Dostoevsky dedicated a whole novel to brotherly “love” – of course, “The Brothers Karamazov”!

Leo Tolstoy: Natasha and Vera Rostov, Kitty and Dolly Shtcherbatsky

Still from the film “War and Peace” (1965-1967)

Tolstoy wrote the most family “novels of Russian literature -” War and Peace “and” Anna Karenina “.The family tree of the first characters consists of nine families and has about 40 living characters and about the same number of deceased ones. In “Anna Karenina” there are six families and three dozen living heroes, linked by family ties. It would seem that you can describe any kind of family love – but no, Tolstoy is interested in something completely different.

Chekhov: Olga, Masha, Irina Prozorov

Still from the film Three Sisters (1964)

Finally! A work called “Three Sisters” simply must contain a correct and deep description of the relationship between the heroines. Jane Austen would approve: there are provincial ladies here, and the search for a profitable groom, and the desire to change fate, and even a duel – even if all this is flavored with traditional Russian despair.

Responding to the requirements of the new century, Chekhov endows his heroines with strong-willed characters: one of the sisters makes a career and becomes the head of the gymnasium, and the second passes exams to become a teacher.

Our estimate: five.

The dark side: but in the story “House with a Mezzanine” the older sister, who works and adheres to liberal ideas, together with her mother, separates the younger sister (soft and unprincipled) from the author in love with her.

Aleksey Tolstoy: Katya and Dasha Bulavins

Still from the film “Walking Through the Torments” (1957)

The first volume of the trilogy “Walking through the agony” is called “Sisters” and is dedicated to the pre-revolutionary, St. Petersburg period of their life.Aleksey Tolstoy accurately and tenderly describes the relationship between the elder and the younger, the help and patronage that a married lady gives to a young girl who has arrived from the provinces, awakening of feelings and knowledge of the world. And in subsequent volumes – their love and mutual assistance in the terrible years of the Civil.

Tolstoy is accurate not only in describing sisterly love, but also in the whole palette of emotions in the family. No wonder Dasha somehow exclaims there: “Not a single person can be hated as much as a father!”

Our estimate: five.

The Dark Side: Alexei Tolstoy succeeded very well in writing out the hatred and fear between the half-brothers Peter I and Tsarevna Sophia in his novel “Peter the First”.

Other novels were written in the 20th century. Alexander Green wrote the novel “Jessie and Morgana”, where the older ugly sister mortally hates the younger beautiful woman and tries to hate her. Books entitled “Sisters” were written by Vikenty Veresaev (about life in the 1920s) and Dmitry Mamin-Sibiryak (about the Urals).

But much more interesting are the works that describe the real sisters who lived in the first half of the twentieth century: the Suok sisters, the Sinyakov sisters and, of course, Lilya Brik and Elsa Triolet.You can start with Kataev’s book “My Diamond Crown”, numerous studies about Mayakovsky, or better with the biography of Viktor Shklovsky from the ZhZL series written by Vladimir Berezin.

Let’s end our list with a poem by Mikhail Kuzmin: “There were four sisters of us, there were four sisters of us …” – about how different human destinies can be.

Sibling relationships in the family

Communication is an important skill for a child. As he grows up, he becomes necessary so that a person can succeed in society, realize himself and self-actualize as a person.

Brothers and sisters are the best “trainer” for practicing social skills, moral support in difficult situations and a mirror for a better understanding of ourselves.

Having siblings has a tremendous impact on a child, both positive and negative.

If the relationship with them develops safely, the baby has the opportunity from early childhood to learn to find a common language with other people.
With an unfavorable psychological atmosphere in relations with brothers and sisters, according to the observations of psychologists, children by the age of 4 may have behavioral disorders that affect their school performance and social adaptation at an older age.
Being involved in a common game, brothers and sisters not only develop an understanding of the essence and meaning of interaction with other people, but also receive food for self-observation, get acquainted with their internal responses to the behavior of those with whom they have to communicate, and are looking for the most effective a way of counter reaction necessary for survival in a social environment.
A good relationship with a sibling has long-term positive effects on the socialization process of a person in childhood, adolescence and adulthood.If one kid in a family is mastering the social side of life by looking at adults, then two are learning this from each other.
A brother and sister can give a child what parents are not always “competent” for. They, better than dad and mom, will explain to the youngest how to fall in love with kindergarten, find friends at school, gain prestige in the classroom, learn to win over teachers and adapt to the system as a whole with the least amount of losses. This is what older brothers and sisters practice every day, and here they will give a hundred points a head start to parents who grew up in a different time and have long been in the circle of different social situations.

Friends come and go, siblings stay. Ideally, older and younger children in a family are an excellent source of mutual moral support, especially in situations where it is difficult to ask parents for advice or share personal information with them (adolescence, adulthood). Often, only siblings can truly understand each other’s feelings (parental divorce, the departure of a close family member). Maintaining good relationships, they go through life with the understanding that they are not alone in this world.Often it is these social ties that turn out to be the longest.

But this is ideally and in the long term. And while children grow up, adults become witnesses of their endless quarrels and conflicts in the struggle for parental attention.

Often, dad and mom do their best to avoid clashes, fearing that this creates an unhealthy atmosphere in the relationship of children and does not bring anything good in themselves.

But is conflict always bad?

When a family is large, frequent clashes of interests of its members are inevitable.Any conflict is an attempt to find boundaries.

Children do not specifically test our nerves for strength, as well as each other’s patience. They are looking for their place in the world, understanding through interaction the framework of what is permissible in the family and in society as a whole.
Through finding mutually beneficial options for eliminating contradictions, children not only learn to get out of momentary conflicts with others, but also solve the common task of arranging a harmonious community in a group of people equal to themselves.Understanding which of the methods of communication are acceptable and which are unacceptable is necessary for their mental maturation and socialization.
When it comes to young children, conflicts, quarrels and fights are a clear illustration of the fact that a child feels resentment from an infringement of his rights and is frustrated by the fact that reality does not correspond to his expectations. Which in itself is absolutely normal: our freedom is limited by the freedom of others.
Therefore, it is so important to learn how to define one’s own boundaries and the boundaries of another and, if necessary, influence them in socially acceptable and mutually beneficial ways.To deny the conflict both externally and internally, not recognizing your negative emotions, suppressing them, is destructive for the psyche. This deprives a person of the ability to influence the situation, to solve problems creatively without infringing on the rights of others, and, as a result, imposes restrictions on social adaptability.
A family structure contributes to a better understanding of the social side of life by children, when the younger generation has the opportunity to discuss their thoughts and feelings with their parents and, under the benevolent supervision of adults, learns to practice the skills of behavior in various social situations.
Parents who are good at fostering an open, “accepting” and constructive discussion of childhood experiences, including in connection with emerging conflicts with siblings, create a reliable emotional basis for building a higher level of social intelligence in their children. At the turn of the XX – XXI centuries, it was social intelligence that began to be recognized as the most important tool for achieving life goals in modern society.

To provide children with a soft entry into society, adults are obliged to teach them the basics of harmonious interaction with other members, including through the establishment of healthy relationships with the closest people – parents, as well as brothers and sisters.

What else, besides parental involvement, determines how the relationship between children will develop?

• Personality. Sometimes parents ask themselves the question: how can children raised by the same pedagogical methods and raised in the same conditions (family, home, other people and the surrounding space) be so different? In fact, siblings have more differences than similarities. Yes, a child inherits 50% of each parent’s genes. But children do not repeat each other just because they are related by blood ties.Each of them carries a unique combination of ancestral genes that determine both the features of the physique and appearance, and character traits.

• Age. Age strongly influences the ways in which children express themselves and defend their positions. The younger child is inclined to resolve issues through the use of physical force (fights), while the older one is more likely to resort to verbal arguments. Children, whose age difference is small (less than 2 years), conflict more often than those who are separated by a significant age distance.For twins, however, this is not the case.

• Pol. While gender can unite common interests, parents find that same-sex children have more disagreements and concerns than opposite-sex children. This is due to jealousy and competition for parental love, which is often presented in the same way in two boys or two girls. Brothers and sisters find it easier to find their own special ways to gain the attention of dad and mom, due to the initially inherent differences.

• The order of appearance.The eldest child is the helper, hope and support of the parents. The youngest is an outlet for dad and mom, who were already tired by the time of his birth from raising children. The middle one is vulnerable because his position in the family is vague and vague: he is not the oldest, but may be the smartest, not the youngest, but may be the weakest. Often not receiving the attention that goes to his brothers and sisters, the middle child begins to behave defiantly and provoke conflicts, because he needs to gain a solid position in the family, unconditionally recognized and supported by other household members.Of course, this is a stereotypical disposition of forces, but exceptions prove the rule.

• Family size. The fewer actors in the family, the stronger the struggle for the parent’s attention (especially if he was left alone after a divorce or loss of a spouse).

• Availability of individual space. The housing problem spoils not only adults. When children are small, even if circumstances permit, parents often do not separate them for a long time, believing that in a common space they are more cheerful and calmer.However, at some point, difficulties arise, which over time will begin to manifest themselves in the form of skirmishes. This is not surprising: spending the whole day in direct physical and emotional contact with a brother or sister, without being able to rest from him / her, is a great burden on the child’s psyche.

• Personal characteristics of parents and their pedagogical attitudes. If a parent is by nature not inclined to reflection, not too attentive to his own feelings and the feelings of others, and also if he is not well-versed in matters of effective social interaction, teaching his children will be hardly a feasible task for him.The “start with yourself” rule works best in this case.

By knowing the factors that influence the way siblings grow up together, parents can choose the ways that social skills and skills are most appropriate for their family. And it is better to start from early childhood, so that later you do not have to resort to emergency measures for their correction, for example, in the event of fierce competition of children in the family.

According to experts, a common reason for rivalry between children is a lack of parental attention.

If a rivalry ensues between the younger family members, then one of them lacks parental support, their attention and interest in the child’s life.
If everything is clear with an open demonstration of competition (fights), then the latent manifestations of rivalry between children are hidden under non-gross behavioral disorders, which are not always correctly assessed by the parents right away. This can be ridicule, name-calling, bickering, behavior that is not typical of age (regression towards the younger in order to receive the same privileges).

Since parents do not always see the true cause of such manifestations, it is difficult for them to influence them.

However, it is important to know that although the uncompromising and sometimes vicious struggle of children brings chaos into family life and hinders their normal mental development, in a mild form such rivalry is beneficial to the younger generation.

Thanks to him, children can, firstly, realize their needs and desires and openly declare them, and secondly, train the skills of successful interaction in society in psychologically favorable circumstances, when the first unsuccessful experiences do not lead to strong social frustration.

In their dreams, all parents see children playing peacefully, however, rivalry and conflicts accompany real childhood much more often.

In the struggle for the attention and love of parents, as well as for the privileges that follow from the status of the child in the family, brothers and sisters sometimes go beyond the boundaries: screams, fights, mutual humiliation, sabotage. Continuing throughout childhood, unhealthy competition leaves an imprint on their further emotional and social development. The task of parents is to maintain a healthy psychological climate in the family by teaching children to resolve conflicts peacefully.

1) How to help the child’s self-identification?

Usually the rivalry starts with the birth of the second child. The eldest, overthrown from the position of the only child adored by the parents, sees how much attention the new family member gets, and, of course, does not at all understand that this is justified by the complete helplessness of his brother or sister.

If adults go headlong into caring for the youngest member of the family and do not devote enough time and attention to the older one, he may become jealous of his “competitor”, as well as emotionally alienate his parents, feeling resentment and alone experiencing his abandonment.All this affects his self-esteem, interferes with the normal emotional development and formation of the psyche. Ultimately, the child loses understanding of his own significance, experiences difficulties with self-identification, sometimes begins to seek and express himself in socially not the most favorable situations.

To restore peace of mind for an older child, it is important for parents to show him that he is still loved and significant. To do this, you can (but not necessarily!) Involve him in caring for your brother or sister, read books to him, talk to him when the younger is bathed or fed, but the most important thing is to set aside personal time to communicate with him, when next to you and between you are no one else.Only after receiving a portion of individual attention and parental love, the child will find balance, which will serve as an impetus for development.

2) How to promote the socialization of the baby?

Sibling relationships affect children’s ability to socialize with peers and find their place in a group of others. In fact, unhealthy rivalry is a lack of skills in behavior and positioning oneself in society, and without them, the child may feel social isolation in the children’s team or become the object of bullying.

That is why it is so important to acquire communication skills in the family – then it will be easier for the baby to find contact with other children.

As we have said, the light rivalry between children, which they perceive at the level of play, helps to hone social skills, as it increases the number of reasons for interaction. It is important not to cross the line when this struggle turns from weak to fierce. Children growing up in an atmosphere of love and cooperation will strive to resolve conflicts based on the social interaction skills gained through relationships with their family members.

While sibling rivalry is common, if conflict begins to disrupt the peace of the family, it is time to stop wasting time and look at the root of the problem. Such competition can take on more complex and sophisticated forms as children grow up and completely destroy relationships.

Effective confrontation with conflicts not only leads to better relations between brothers and sisters and a healthier family atmosphere, but also brings children to a new, more mature level of emotional, psychological and social development.

What should parents do to develop a good relationship between their children?

1) Start early in childhood.

From the first day of the appearance of the second and subsequent children, raise them in respect for each other (and other household members), no matter what. The family is an environment where neither an adult nor a child can and should not experience psychological discomfort and be subjected to any form of violence, physical or emotional. Family members are support and moral support for each other, a refuge from the sometimes difficult social challenges of the external environment.Stop disrespectful and even more aggressive behavior as unacceptable.

2) Do not compare children.

Comparing one child to another is a sure way to incite hostility between them. Allow everyone to be themselves (but within the rules of the family), celebrate their good sides, praise them more for their achievements and scold them less for their mistakes.

• By recognizing children as individual, none of which are prioritized by their parents over others, you emphasize the uniqueness of each child and its value to the world.

• Do not single out one child. Often it is the presence of a “favorite” that causes childish jealousy. Emphasize the uniqueness of each child. Show your baby how much you value him by making time with him alone, but his sibling should receive the same amount of attention.

• Respect the characteristics and needs of everyone. When brothers and sisters are in close contact every day and see each other’s differences, it creates fertile ground for mutual teasing.As a parent, you can reduce the frequency and severity of conflict by recognizing each child’s needs that are specific to their individual needs.

• Focus on the unique talents of each of your children to avoid possible collisions. So, for example, gifts for the New Year can be made based on the personal hobbies of children (drawing, sports, etc.).

3) Ignore the irrelevant.

If children bicker over trifles, no one’s feelings are seriously hurt, and no one’s rights are significantly impaired, ignore the minor clashes.This is the best thing you can do to get children to find their own ways to interact with each other.

It is quite possible to ignore it if during the game one of the children threw to the other: “You are a fool!” (this is more of a figure of speech than a meaningful characteristic), and a completely different reaction of yours will be appropriate in a situation when these words are said in response to the news about a bad mark received by your brother for the test. Learn to distinguish between real derogatory attitudes and insignificant emotional outbursts that are worthless.

It is useless to prohibit quarrels and even light fights, otherwise the anger that could (and should) splash out on the enemy will be turned against its own master.

Restraining anger and resentment is much more harmful to the psyche than a light skirmish with a brother. For fights, rules can be established that will avoid injury and preserve the integrity of the surrounding space (kicks, head hits and heavy objects are absolutely excluded).

4) Use the method of positive reinforcement.

One of the best pedagogical tools is positive reinforcement. This means that in raising a child, the behaviors that you would like to reinforce are encouraged. In your comments about the actions and self-expression of children, draw both yours and their attention to the good that each of them succeeds in demonstrating. Focus only on the behavior you want to reinforce, whether it is about cleanliness and order in the room or the older child’s patient attention to the younger child’s attempts to formulate a thought.Remember that the main function of your upbringing is to teach the good, not to punish the bad.

5) Remain neutral.

Parents must remain calm and neutral. Any quarrel is a moment when adults can demonstrate endurance, self-control and competence in ways to establish peace in the family.

If a conflict has flared up, do not get involved either emotionally or actively in its course until you begin to fear for its safe outcome.Let the children find their own way out of a difficult situation, they need to train their social skills of dealing with difficulties. Don’t take sides. Never be the judge who adjudicates disputes, makes the final verdict, and imposes sentences. Do not watch the conflict, retire yourself or send the quarreling children to another room.

6) Do debriefing.

After the conflict, discuss with the participants their reasons, and also have each of them say if they are happy with the way the situation was resolved.This conversation should not take place before everyone is ready to voice their arguments in a calm manner.

It is better if there are one more conversations than the number of conflicting parties, the last of them is for general discussion. When communicating face to face with each of the children, be an attentive listener, ask leading questions to help the child think about the situation and his line of behavior in it now that the passions have subsided.

Recognize the little person’s right to experience the emotions they experienced during and after a quarrel with a brother or sister.Ask what words could be said and how you should behave if you had time to think, instead of giving an instant outlet to emotions.

The final stage will be a general conversation, when the calmed participants state their positions, listen to each other and come up with an “alternative ending” of the conflict, if in real life it did not end on a positive note. Working together to find a solution to a problem teaches children to cooperate.

7) Encourage collaboration.

Encourage collaboration, not competition. For example, when children need to put away toys before going to bed, let them compete not with each other, but with a stopwatch.

• In a conflict situation, or rather, immediately after its end, you can also find a reason for cooperation: after the children take turns listening to each other, invite them to find a mutually beneficial solution together.

• Maintain healthy relationships between children. If they have disagreements, allow them to negotiate and find a way out that suits both.

• Teach children not only the art of negotiation and compromise, but also worthy defending their positions. Help them agree on the rules of living together and at first make sure that they are followed each other. As soon as you see that they have mastered the basics of a coherent and respectful community, let them go: further they can go alone.

• Learn to avoid confrontation. We are not talking about conflicts as such, but about cases when the situation could not have been brought to a conflict. Organize the day so that the children have the opportunity to rest and recover separately from each other.Also, if they are aware of situations that are “explosive”, it would be prudent not to provoke your brother or sister with your behavior.

8) Set limits.

It is hard to imagine a family life without quarrels of children, but setting boundaries and developing a set of rules can reduce the risk of controversy turning into violent altercations and fights.

• Be clear about and communicate to your children what you, as a parent, consider acceptable and what is unacceptable in relationships and behavior.Write the rules down on paper, let it be your family code. List in it all situations that usually cause disagreement between children, with clear instructions on how to behave, what sanctions are imposed on the offender.

• Be consistent. Once you’ve established your boundaries, stick to them. The penalties for breaking the rules must be stipulated in the bylaws, and these conditions must be enforced by all family members. If for rough treatment of your brother or sister you have agreed to deprive the abuser of the opportunity to continue to play or communicate, take him to a room where he will indeed be deprived of this opportunity.You do not have to repeat the same requirement a hundred times if the children know in advance the consequences of inappropriate behavior, and also that it will not be ignored.

9) Teach self-control.

Teach children to control negative emotions so as not to fall under their control. Count to 10, breathe in the palm of your hand (reduces the flow of oxygen and increases the content of carbon dioxide in the blood, which has an inhibitory effect on the nervous system), take a few slow and deep (from the abdomen) inhales through the nose and exhales through the mouth, repeat “I am calm” or “ Everything is good ”- such techniques are effortless and extremely effective in stressful situations.

10) Offer a peaceful way.

Teach the children positive ways to get each other’s attention. Good manners extend beyond socializing with adults or table behavior. Treating peers with respect is an important skill that will help children have many friends and playmates. Siblings are no exception here.

Offer peaceful options for splashing out negative energy, anger, irritation (beat a pillow, push up, squat, run).The other person is not responsible for the emotional wave that rises in us in response to his behavior.

Only we ourselves are responsible for which way of responding, and the best guideline here is the classic maxim “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”

Separating conflicting children in different corners (better – in different rooms), letting them let off steam means not only to prevent a serious complication of the skirmish, but also to teach them an acceptable expression of anger, that is, to contribute to the formation of their ability to self-control.

11) Be an example to follow.

Being in constant communication with parents, children learn their ways of interacting with the environment, including the near and distant environment. The strategies of adults’ behavior in conflicts, which are inevitable in the life of any family, also do not escape their prying eyes.

You cannot require children to follow rules that you do not follow yourself. As a parent, you are the best role model, especially when your toddler sees that by acting in a certain way, you are getting what you want.

Your chosen method of achieving success will be learned by the child not only as the most effective, but also as acceptable. If you seek to restore order in the nursery through screaming and threats of deprivation of favorite toys, the baby will understand that the best solution to all issues is force and manipulation.

It is not enough just to prevent unacceptable behaviors in children from manifesting – it is necessary to teach them socially accepted and approved ways of self-expression. To do this, you must own them yourself.

12) Maintain family rituals.

Saturday lunch with the whole family, a Sunday visit to the museum, a trip to nature or a visit to grandparents – you can think of many rituals and traditions that support and strengthen family unity.

Make regular your gathering at the table or on the couch for easy communication, so that everyone can share the events of their life, speak out on their concerns, ask for advice. Sincere conversation and emotional support in the family circle shows each of its members, including children, his importance in the life of loved ones.

Let each child express their opinion about the family situation in general and personal problems, if any. All those present should respect what was said, not interrupt, letting go of comments, calmly wait for their turn.

At such meetings, you can set and, if necessary, adjust the rules. In the part concerning the relationship between brothers and sisters, it is important to stipulate (or even better – to write down) clear boundaries of behavior that cannot be crossed (call names, tease, sneer, take other people’s things without permission) under no circumstances.

13) Protect friendship and love.

As they get older, teach them to develop and maintain warm and trusting relationships. This can be challenging at times, such as in adolescence, but the lessons of respect learned in early childhood will help a child get through this period without drama in relationships.

Do not forget to demonstrate your love and concern to growing up (or already grown) children: with age, people become less vulnerable, but this does not mean that they no longer need to show warmth from loved ones.

14) Everyone should have their own space.

All family members should have their own individual space, whether we are talking about a separate room (or at least part of it) or about the time when anyone, both a child and an adult, can be alone with himself.

Organize a personal space in the house for each child – allocate for him, if not a whole room, then at least a personal corner in the common room: it can be a table for games, a loft bed, a chest of drawers, a rack or a house with your favorite toys – everything on that you have enough imagination and “square meters”.Ask the children what rules they would like to set for this space and bring them to the attention of other family members.

These are personal boundaries, the violation of which often leads to conflicts in relationships, and children are no exception.

If you teach your child how to respect others’ boundaries and set their own, you are laying a solid foundation for his ability to build adequate social connections with those around him. How can you help children set boundaries?

Explain to younger family members that each person has personal boundaries.Everything that we consider “ours” falls into them: the body, some things, toys, a room, a house, the immediate environment, a children’s team, etc. Let all the children in turn tell what is “theirs” for them, what they willing to share with brothers and sisters, and what not.
To understand the physical boundaries of the youngest children, a simple exercise is suitable: sit on the floor, spread your arms in different directions, imagine yourself in a bubble. Perhaps this space will be too large or too small – try several options until you find the best and most psychologically comfortable one.This is a personal territory, and its boundaries cannot be violated by loved ones even in play, unless the child allows it himself. Children must understand and be prepared for the fact that their space will be subject to daily checks both by family members and by the more distant environment. In some cases this is quite acceptable and even welcomed (playing together in the sandbox), in others it is not (own bed in kindergarten, which should not be used by another child). Throughout life, the boundaries will narrow and expand, this is normal, but it is important for the child to understand where they should go so that he can not feel anxiety.
Discuss with your baby not only the physical (bubble), but also other personal boundaries – sensory, emotional, psychological. For example, for one of the children, the tone and pitch of the mother’s or sister’s voice may seem too high and resonant, so that there is a desire to cover their ears, while the father and brother, on the contrary, speak so low and dull that you have to strain and listen. Another child may not love if they are touched and hugged frequently. The third does not like the ironic and playful style of communication of the older brother, since he reads a slight grin in him.All these seemingly little things create a background and atmosphere in which children build their communication and social ties with their close and distant environment. Helping them see their personal boundaries means teaching them to understand themselves and build normal relationships with others.
Use stories from books, films and cartoons to talk to the children about the boundaries of the characters, the moments when they thought they were violated, and what came of it. Your son or daughter will be able to give several examples from the life of children’s groups that he or she attends (kindergarten, school, section).
Remind the children of boundaries and alert the child if they are not adhered to. When the limits of what is permissible in the family and the rules of behavior are determined, play and communication stop if someone’s space has been violated. Respect for another, recognition of his rights and personal boundaries is the basis for building healthy relationships with people.

Sibling relationships are an important part of the social and emotional development of children. Communicating and playing with each other, they learn to establish, improve and maintain contacts, make compromises, negotiate, look for mutually beneficial ways to resolve conflicts.

Warm, sincere, close relationships with relatives are extremely important to us. Siblings are our family tree, part of the family history, part of ourselves. They determine, as much as parents, whether or not we grow up to be considerate, empathetic, understanding, open to communication, and willing to provide emotional support to others. They make us who we are.

Article on our channel Yandex Zen

Out of mind: the stars who disowned their siblings

Why celebrities have disowned their loved ones

Photo: Pixabay

Famous people can easily build warm relationships with fans, but they can ignore siblings for years.Long-term resentment against loved ones grows into the habit of not thinking about the existence of family members. And complete oblivion is the best outcome. Sometimes quarrels and scandals go public and bring celebrities to the courtroom.

RENATA LITVINOVA

The actress has two half-sisters and a brother. 54-year-old Timur Vergazov – from his father’s first marriage, 43-year-old Yulia and 45-year-old Veronica – from the third. Litvinova tries not to even think about their existence. She harbored a grudge against her dad many years ago, when he left the family.She also does not keep in touch with his children. The celebrity herself does not comment on this situation in any way. But her relatives, who were found by “StarHit”, says that more than once she tried to remind the star of family ties.

At first, many years ago, the Litvinova sisters tried to establish contact with a celebrity, but then they realized that this was a mistake. Indeed, after the glory that fell on Renata, many wanted to become her family. After waiting for several years, Veronica and Julia again made an attempt to get closer to their co-blood.

Sister Renata Litvinova Julia Vergazova

Photo: Social networks

“I learned that I have an older sister, at the age of 13, my father had already died, my mother told me about Renata. But then I was little, I had no particular desire to get to know her. Later, already in adulthood, we somehow tried to start communicating. I remember that more than 10 years ago they came to her on the set of the film “The Goddess: How I Fell in Love” with Veronica, they somehow agreed to meet there, “Yulia Vergazova said in an exclusive interview with StarHit.

Sister Renata Litvinova Veronica

Photo: Social networks

The woman noted that during the filming of the film, her relatives did not manage to communicate. In her opinion, Litvinova Sr. always referred to being busy with the process, but in fact clearly demonstrated a lack of interest in them.

It should be noted that both Renata’s brother and sisters are quite successful people and hardly expect financial assistance from their famous relative. Veronica and Julia live in Moscow. Veronica is engaged in the production of clothes, she owns her own fur boutique.Julia is an architect and designer. Timur is a restorer.

Brother of Renata Litvinova Timur

Photo: Social networks

BORIS AND KONSTANTIN BURDAEV, THE BROTHERS GRIM GROUP

In 2005 they conquered the musical Olympus. Their hit “Eyelashes” was then hummed by the whole country. Critics predicted a great future for two twin brothers.

Boris and Konstantin Burdaev

Photo: PhotoXpress.ru

The singers toured for four years, recorded new songs, their popularity grew day by day. But in 2009, the rockers announced that the group had disbanded.Only a few years ago, one of the band members told what really happened. Boris was tired of touring, tired of a lot of physical activity and asked his brother to take a short break. However, Konstantin, who understood that fame is a fragile phenomenon, did not intend to pause or give indulgence to his colleague-relative. And I taught him a lesson rather cruelly. For one night, he closed access to the mail for him, where all invitations for performances came, found another vocalist and continued to tour himself.And deprived of stellar life, Borya left the capital.

“I am not offended by Kostya, I am not going to arrange any actions in response. When I found out about his decision, I went to Moscow, took my things and returned home. All this whistle that we had for three years in a row, to be honest, is very tired, “- said Boris in an interview.

Boris returned to his native Samara, where he recovered for some time after what had happened. He repeatedly tried to talk to his brother, but Constantine was adamant and made it clear that there would be no return to the past.Amazingly, the impulsive Kostya never stooped to obscene expressions in conversations about his blood relative. He always repeated that Boris was tired, as he had taken on an incredible load, and therefore he had to leave the team.

To this day, the musicians do not keep in touch. Each of them separately builds a musical career. Boris Grim turned to his brother after a long-term conflict

SAMOILOV BROTHERS, AGATA CHRISTI GROUP

The leaders of the mega-popular rock group Agatha Christie have not communicated for a very long time either.The stumbling block was creative differences.

Group “Agatha Christie”

Photo: Official site of the group

For over 20 years the brothers have been an excellent tandem, both on stage and in life, they were best friends. But in 2010, the artists upset their fans by announcing the breakup of the band. Then the stars were able to disperse calmly, without quarrels and reproaches.

In 2015 the band’s soloists reunited to give an anniversary concert. At that moment, the celebrities realized that there was a gap between them.The older brother Vadim was not satisfied with the lyrics of the younger ones, and Gleb wondered how the audience could be left without such important verses. Disagreements also began because of political views, which did not coincide with the relatives.

Vadim Samoilov

Photo: Official site of the group

Conflicts ruined the joint work, so in the end the artists quarreled to smithereens. The reason for the gap was also quarrels over money. Vadim took the royalties for the 2015 anniversary nostalgic concerts.After a while, it became clear that he was not going to repay the debt. And the younger brother Gleb filed a lawsuit against his relative, forbidding him to perform songs of which he was the author. To this day, the Samoilovs have not been able to reconcile.

Gleb Samoilov

Photo: Official site of the group

NIKITA DZHIGURDA

An outrageous showman can turn into a farce anything, from the birth of his wife to family scandals. So recently, the whole country watched Nikita’s showdown with his older brother Sergei on the air.

Dzhigurda met with his relative only to dispel previous false accusations against him. For several months he did not leave the house, he was going through a difficult period. As the artist’s relatives said, Nikita began to abuse drugs.

Sergey admitted that he wanted to save a loved one. Therefore, he demanded that his wife Marina Anisina immediately hand over her husband to a psychiatric hospital. However, Nikita was not at all grateful for such care and recalled to a relative all the good that he did in life.Thus, hinting at the desired response.

“You told Marina, my wife:“ Hand him over to the fool! Call your mom. ” And she called my mother Jadwiga, and she said: “Don’t listen to Sergei, he is jealous.” Think about your conscience, ”Nikita shouted at his brother on the air.

The TV show, in which family quarrels were exposed for all to see, Nikita Dzhigurda brightened up with bright outbursts of anger and begging for forgiveness on his knees, but the star never really made up with his brother.

Sergey Dzhigurda

Photo: PhotoXpress.ru

MARIA SHUKSHINA

The long-term family conflict in the Shukshin family will not end with a final truce. The quarrel and public litigation between mother and daughter also affected sisters Maria and Olga. According to the stories of the youngest of them, Masha kept aloof from childhood, having matured, she also did not seek Oli’s company. The division of the apartment completely alienated her from her sister.

Frankly Masha and Olya have never quarreled or cursed in public.The fans following this story got the impression that the famous actress simply decided to forget about Olga’s existence. But the younger sister constantly reminds of herself. A year ago, she frankly confessed in the documentary “Olga Shukshina. If dad’s ardor is alive … ”that misses her family, her mom and is ready to forgive them the insults that have been going on since childhood.

Olga Fedoseeva-Shukshina

Photo: PhotoXpress.ru

The peak of the family conflict was in 2013. Then Lydia Fedoseeva-Shukshina evicted Vasily’s grandson, Olga’s son, from her Moscow apartment.The latter took to heart such a trick of the parent and publicly recalled that there was her share there as well. The Shukshins have been solving the housing issue in the courts for many years. A few months ago, the ice in the relationship broke, but it has not completely melted yet.

NASTASIA SAMBURSKAYA

The star of the series “Univer” has long erased her relatives from the life of her. The actress’s family lives in the small provincial town of Rtishchevo, Saratov region, where the celebrity does not like to visit. And the point is not at all about Nastasya’s employment.The reason lies in a long-term conflict with relatives, one of which has recently become public knowledge.

The brother of the artist Grigory Terekhov, whom the whole country learned about after Samburskaya took part in the show “The Battle of Psychics”, said that his sister did not call, did not write to him or his mother. There is no financial help from her either. And so cold and indifferent, as the man claims, she has been since childhood. Already at the age of ten, the future actress believed that a great future awaited her, therefore she did not seek to help around the house.

The star herself admitted that the reason for the spat was the daring trick of her once beloved brother. Having become popular, the woman wanted to help him. She even paid for her studies at the university so that a relative could get a decent education and engage in a respected intellectual profession. But Grisha did not appreciate her care. He dropped out of college and got a job as a loader. Since then, brother and sister have been at loggerheads.

Terekhov himself does not deny that there is some truth in Nastasya’s words.But he claims that he had to leave school to support his family.

“Thanks to her help, I entered the university in Saratov, I finished my studies for three years. She paid for my tuition. At first I entered the commercial department because I did not believe in myself, and then transferred to the budget. She helped me not to worry about material difficulties. And then, when such an opportunity disappeared, I went to work and quit the university because of this, ”Grigory said in an interview.

VICTORIA BONIA

The TV personality and her sister Angela have a difficult relationship.Vika practically does not mention her relative: not a single picture from social networks, not a single word in an interview. But 37-year-old Angela never mind telling reporters about all the family secrets.

So, for example, two years ago she gave a frank interview in which she said that she had been trying to conquer Russian show business for a long time. True, she does not count on her famous sister. The TV presenter, whose Instagram is literally replete with advertisements for various goods, never once mentioned Angela’s hairdressing salon.StarHit said that a relative of Victoria Boni is also selling weight loss drugs. However, here, as the woman claims, she has to rely only on herself.

Victoria Bonya with her sister Angelina

Photo: Social networks

Angela said that the conflict was ripe because of the ingratitude of her younger sister. The eldest assures that she gave her her lucky ticket to show business. According to the entrepreneur, she was approved at the casting in the show “Dom-2”, which was only gaining popularity at that time.However, due to pregnancy, the woman decided to postpone her participation in the project, giving the place to Victoria. It was participation in the famous TV show that brought Bona crazy popularity.

Victoria herself does not comment on her sister’s stories and prefers not to discuss in public her relationship with Angela.

VICTORIA LOPYREVA

The presenter and model got into the epicenter of the scandal because of her sister Emilia Kruse. A 24-year-old woman made public her relationship with Vika two years ago.

She told reporters that she was struggling with a serious illness – cancer. At a time when Kruse desperately needed help, first of all, material, the celebrity did not want to help. As the younger sister said, she begged to save her, but ran into cold indifference from a relative.

The celebrity herself in the first days after the scandal raging in the media tried to be above family squabbles. However, statements were made by the mother of the star, explaining that Emilia was born in the second marriage of Vicki’s father, with whom the woman and her eminent daughter did not communicate.

“This family and I are not in contact at all, so, naturally, neither I nor Vika could know what was happening in their family. If everything really was so and it is not a duck that this girl was sick and recovered, well, thank God! What they’re saying? That we didn’t give money? Maybe we would not have given, but they did not apply. They are not in our life, do you understand? ” – explained Victoria’s mother.

Emilia Kruse

Photo: Social networks

To this day, the model does not communicate with her sister.

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Pushkin: Tatiana and Olga Larins

Dostoevsky: Alexandra, Adelaide and Aglaya Epanchin

Leo Tolstoy: Natasha and Vera Rostov, Kitty and Dolly Shtcherbatsky

Chekhov: Olga, Masha, Irina Prozorov

Aleksey Tolstoy: Katya and Dasha Bulavins

Sibling relationships in the family

Out of mind: the stars who disowned their siblings

RENATA LITVINOVA

BORIS AND KONSTANTIN BURDAEV, THE BROTHERS GRIM GROUP

SAMOILOV BROTHERS, AGATA CHRISTI GROUP

NIKITA DZHIGURDA

MARIA SHUKSHINA

NASTASIA SAMBURSKAYA

VICTORIA BONIA

VICTORIA LOPYREVA

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