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Should i confront the woman my husband is texting: What to Do If Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman (And Should You Confront Her?)


What to Do When Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman

What to do when your husband is texting another woman- what it means? Does your husband remain on his phone all day texting a female friend and wearing a wide smile on his face? 

As a wife, it is normal for you to be worried and confused about what to do when your husband is texting another woman.

If you are in these shoes, you should not hurriedly take decisions based on what you see. It is advised you get to the root of the matter by finding out what is happening for yourself.

When your husband texts another woman, what does it mean?

If you find your husband texting a female friend, nothing might be happening. However, it is normal for you to feel something is amiss. You might also read different meanings to it because our minds are wired to run wide.

Unless your husband tells you or you find out yourself, you might never know what it means. 

Hence, it is up to you to find what it means and take actions if necessary.

Related Reading: Ways to Find Emotional Infidelity Texting

4 Reasons why your husband may be texting another woman

For a married man texting another woman, there are various reasons that might be responsible for this. If you are suspicious of his intentions and you want to find out who he’s texting, you need to know possible reasons why your partner is texting another woman.

Here are 4 reasons why your husband texting another woman

1. They are friends

You need to know that even though you are married to your husband, it doesn’t mean you should lose your friends or acquaintances. Hence, it might be that one of the reasons why your husband is texting another woman is because he is talking to his friend.

What you should do is to ensure he places a limit/boundary to ensure it doesn’t affect his marital affairs. If your husband is always on the phone with a female friend, tell him the downsides attached to it and ensure he doesn’t give the wrong signal that would make him cheat.

2. They are work-partners

For married women who ask questions like “What to do if my husband talks to another woman every day?” 

It might be because they are coworkers. Work can take the place of our personal lives, and it takes wisdom to balance both family and work. Your husband might be so engrossed with work that he won’t notice he is spending more time with another woman over the phone.

It becomes a source of concern when you discover your husband is too friendly with a female coworker. Now, it would be best to help him set limits.

3. The woman is constantly texting him

Some women do not care if a man is married as they would continue to bug the man with texts and calls. 

When you notice this pattern, it is obvious another woman is after your man. Your husband might be completely innocent because he was ensuring he doesn’t leave any text unread.

If care is not taken, your husband could become emotionally invested in her because she texts every time and gives undivided attention.  

A woman who doesn’t take this seriously would find it hard coping with her husband’s emotional affairs and inappropriate talk because as they become closer, things might spiral out of control.

4. He is having a sexual or emotional affair

No woman loves to hear her husband is cheating, especially when he is texting someone every day. However, this is one of the possible reasons responsible for your husband texting another woman a lot. It is important to mention that cheating doesn’t involve sex always.

If a man gives another woman more attention than his wife because of the lustful pleasure he seeks, it is cheating. Also, the man might not realize it is an emotional affair even though he is interested in the person.

When you catch someone cheating through text, it is hard to accept, but you should be prepared to resolve the issue with your husband.

Related Reading: Why Are Emotional Affairs So Dangerous?  

Is it right for my husband to text another woman?

For people who ask is texting cheating, the truth is it is not.  

Your husband has the right to text another woman, provided he is not cheating on you. If he has a female friend, he can text her when he wants, but he needs to ensure it doesn’t affect the personal time he is spending with you.

If you are feeling insecure about this, you should discuss it with your husband and tell him your fears so that he can reassure you of his good intentions.

When my husband texts another woman, is it cheating?

If your husband is texting another woman for purposes like work, regular communication etc., it might not necessarily be cheating. However, if it involves texting and emotional affairs, it is cheating. 

And you can confirm this if you realize he doesn’t want to have conversations or spend more time with you like before.

Related Reading: Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman

10 things to do when your husband is texting another woman

When your husband is texting another woman, do not think he is cheating at first. Communication is an integral part of marriage; you need to be careful before you take any action.

If you are wondering what to do when your husband is texting another woman, here are 10 things you should do.

1. Communicate with your husband

Do not expect your husband to know what is ongoing in your mind unless you request it. If you keep asking yourself, “who is my husband texting?” you might never know until you ask. 

Hence, it would be great to ask politely why he keeps texting another woman and hear him. If you confront him aggressively, you will end up causing more issues.

Related Reading: Tips to Communicate Effectively With Your Husband

2. Ignore till you have more facts

When you don’t know or see who he’s texting, there is no cause for alarm. 

You need to ignore it by asking yourself some questions like if it affects your communication, sex life, etc. If his communication with the woman does not, he might not be cheating on you.  

All you need do is wait till he tells you or find out from him casually.

3. Don’t accuse him of cheating

Naturally, you might be forced to think he is cheating if your husband is cheating. Hence, what to do when your husband is texting another woman? 

Well, don’t accuse him until you have facts. You should ask for his relationship with the woman if it is friendship, work or something else.

Related Reading: What to Do When You’re Being Accused of Cheating When Your Not

4. Warm-up to him and join the conversation

If you notice your husband is always texting on his phone, you can find out what is happening by checking who he is texting. 

If he pushes you aside, he probably doesn’t want you to either interfere in his conversation or know what he is saying to the woman.

5. Assume that she might be a friend

If you trust your husband, you should cut him some slack if he is always texting some woman.  

You can assume she’s a good friend who loves his company, but don’t assume he’s cheating until you have proof. Your husband might be having a normal conversation with a friend, and you need to keep an open mind about what is ongoing.

6. Check for cheating signs

Before you accuse your husband of cheating, you have to check for the signs. 

First off, watch how he communicates with you and his disposition towards your marriage. Also, if he doesn’t love to spend time with you like before, there is a chance he is cheating. However, be sure about these signs before making any move.

Related Reading: Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

7. Don’t allow your emotions to control you

If you cannot handle your emotions, you will make mistakes. 

Since you have overcome previous challenges, you will conquer this too. Do not make decisions based on your emotions. It would be more embarrassing if you don’t keep a cool head only to find out your husband is not cheating.

8. Fix healthy boundaries

When your husband is texting another woman more than usual, you need to set healthy boundaries. 

This is your way of asserting your beliefs and putting down your foot when things are not working healthily in your relationship. This will send a clear message to the cheating spouse that their behavior is not okay.

Related Reading: The Importance of Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

9. Understand your husband

Understanding is key in marriage, and sometimes you have to give excuses for your spouse.

For sure, cheating is never a solution no matter how difficult the situation is but as a wife, try to figure out how and why this ensued from his end. This will help you solve the problem if you are willing to work on the relationship.

Related Reading: How to Understand Your Husband

10. See a therapist

If you are thinking too much about what is going on in your husband’s phone, it can affect your mental health.  

Hence, seek counseling, and you will be stunned at the harmless possibilities you never thought of.

Related Reading: Is He Cheating or Am I Paranoid Quiz


Before you act, be sure you are doing the right thing. Remember that it is wrong and hurtful to accuse your husband wrongly of something he didn’t do. 

To avoid hurting him, find out if he is cheating or communicating innocently with another woman.

 Check this video to know more:

Married Husband Texting Female Friend Or Another Woman

Is your husband texting a female friend? 

Are you suspicious of their intentions? 

If so, you’re in the right place, because this guide offers advice on how to deal with the situation.

Here is the most important thing to know…

Your apprehension is unlikely to disappear until you get the truth about what’s going on.  

What’s more, there’s no point making any accusations until you have evidence of wrongdoing. 

This will only serve to cause an argument which you can’t win, because you have no proof to back up what you’re saying. 

That’s why I wanted to recommend this handy online background checker

This discreet tool provides an extensive report on your partner’s communications history. 

You’ll learn who he has been frequently communicating, what apps he has downloaded and what contact details he has been using. 

Put simply, this tool will make it immediately obvious if your partner is up to no good.   

With this information to hand, you’ll be better equipped to address your partner using the advice below.

1. They are simply

You have to understand
that even though you are married, the two of you should still have individual
lives and your friends. Your husband could just be texting his friend and he
won’t think it’s a problem, because they are just friends, he won’t see her as
‘another woman’. I’m sure you also text your friends quite a lot and don’t
think anything of it, regardless of their gender? So, there is a strong
possibility he is just keeping in touch with one of his friends, and he isn’t
doing anything wrong. If you have been together for a while, then you will
probably be well accustomed to his friends and will have met them before.

An issue will arise if
he is speaking to this female friend a lot. Like I have said, it’s pretty
normal for us all to text our friends regularly, some people even speak to their
friends daily. However, if he is texting with her more than he is texting with
you, this could be a little bit of a red flag. Why does he need to speak to her
constantly? People that are just friends don’t need to do that.

You might also be
worried if he isn’t being honest about speaking with her. If he is just
speaking to one of his friends, then you might question why he is being so
secretive about it. It is completely valid for you to feel concerned if he is
lying about speaking to her because if he just saw their relationship as
platonic, he would be honest.

2. He has to speak to
another woman because of work.

Work can also take
over our personal lives, especially if your husband has a high up position,
needs to be on call all the time or has his own business. One of the people
that he might need to be in touch with at work could be a woman. This could
mean that he has to speak to another woman constantly, but he isn’t doing
anything wrong. He might also not have a choice about being in touch with this
woman, at the end of the day it’s his job and he has to do what he needs to do.
If nothing is going on between them, then he won’t hide their communication
from you. He will also probably understand when his work life is crossing over
into his personal life with you and will manage it properly.

There is no problem
with this, as long as the relationship between him and the other woman stays
strictly business. Unfortunately, if it does turn into something more it might
be difficult for you to find out, especially if he has a work cell phone. But
once again, if he isn’t being honest about his contact with her, then it could
be suspicious. She’s just a work colleague so why is he hiding their texts?

3. A woman is
constantly trying to text him.

Your husband might just be responding to a woman that is constantly texting him. He could be completely innocent in the act of speaking to another woman. Even if she is trying to pursue him, he might not realize. Men don’t normally have the intuition to clock on to things like this, and he might just think that this woman is being friendly or needs his advice.

He might hide these
texts from you if he is worried that you will think something is going on, but
normally in this kind of situation, your husband will be open with you because
he thinks nothing of it. Of course, as women, we understand other women and we
can tell when someone is coming on to our partners. However, your partner isn’t
really to blame in this kind of situation, unless he reciprocates the tone of
her texts.

4. He is having an
emotional or sexual affair.

Of course, this is the
last thing you want to hear, but it might just be true.

If your husband is spending a lot longer on his phone than usual, it could be because another woman is occupying his mind and his time. This could be happening with a friend who has transitioned into more than just that, or he could have met someone new. Whatever the circumstances, he will spend a lot more time texting now he is interested in someone else. The difficult thing to comprehend in this situation is that he could be having an emotional affair without even realizing he is doing it.

A lot of the time, we
only think of cheating as physical and sexual activity, but it is so much more
than that. An emotional affair can hurt more than if your husband went and had
a one-night stand because the difference is that his emotions are well and
truly involved with someone else. He feels things for this other woman and
tells her things he doesn’t tell you. This is a really painful thing to come to
terms with.

There are many ways
that you can check to see if it’s true that your husband is having an emotional
or sexual affair with someone but, to be honest with you, you will be able to
feel it in your gut.

Some of the other ways
you might be able to tell that your husband is having an affair in relation to
texting are:

  • He is overly protective of his phone.
  • He deletes all traces of calls or texts from his phone.
  • He answers calls away from you or declines incoming calls when you are around.
  • He hides to spend time on his phone.

None of these signs
would be true if he was just speaking to a female friend, because he would have
nothing to hide.

What should you do
when your husband is speaking to another woman?

What you should do
really depends on which of the situations you think your husband is in from the
ones I have mentioned above. Therefore, I urge you to really think about the
specific situation you find him in and then act accordingly to it. We will look
later on at how to act concerning specific situations, but the first thing you
should do, which is essential to whatever situation you are in, is to talk to
him. Communication is such a crucial part of a marriage, and it can really make
or break it.

Communicate with

As women, we sometimes
presume that men are the same as us in many ways, but they are not. They are
not going to read our minds or understand the situation until we spell it out
for them. Also, women can be quick to jump to conclusions, especially when it
comes to the men in our lives and their unfaithfulness. This is especially true
if you have been cheated on before or have had difficult relationships in the

When you do choose to
talk to your husband about what’s going on, you need to make sure that you
confront him in a way that is not aggressive. Make sure you don’t lay any blame
on him or accuse him. No one reacts positively or honestly when they have
already been accused of something without the opportunity to defend themselves.

If you have any
problems with another woman and your man speaking to each other, you can simply
tell him how it makes you feel. He might not have even realized it was
affecting you, and he might stop texting her as much.

If you suspect that he
is cheating on you and he isn’t being honest, you might need to put more effort
into soothing him into being open with you. People only tell the truth when
they feel comfortable, so make him feel comfortable and speak to him from the

At the end of the day,
if you are in a marriage that you can’t communicate in, there is something
wrong already.

What should you do
when your husband is texting his female friend?

Firstly, if they are
simply just friends then he will probably open with you about them speaking with
each other. Friends are really important, and you need to let him know that you
understand that. Your friends are also his friends, so you should say that you
understand him wanting to speak to her.

However, if you feel like he is texting her too often, you could ask him how he would feel if you were speaking to one of your male friends more than you spoke to him. The answer will probably be that he wouldn’t be happy about it, and then he might realize your point of view. You need to make sure you aren’t coming across controlling, so make sure you tell him how much you admire his friendship and appreciate that you are in a relationship with a caring and loving man.

If you suspect that
something is going on between them, you could always suggest the three of you
meeting up in person to see if they act strangely around each other or you feel
any energy between them in person.

What should you do if
he has to speak to another woman because of work?

There isn’t really
much you can do about this one, because it’s his job. However, you could simply
ask him to try and balance his personal home life better with his work life. If
his work makes you feel like a second-class citizen to him, tell him that. He
might not have realized that texting or calling constantly to his work
colleague was affecting you that much.

If you suspect
something is going on between them that is more than strictly business, why not
drop into the office and see if you notice that they are particularly close or
doing something they shouldn’t be.

What should you do if a woman is constantly trying to text

The only thing you
need to do here is to make him recognize what’s going on and what she wants
from him. As I said earlier, he might not have realized what she was really
trying to get at. I’m sure pointing out the fact that she is trying to come
onto him will make him shut it down straight away.

What should you do if
he is having an emotional or sexual affair?

This is completely up to you. I’m sorry if you wanted a more definitive answer, but when it comes to cheating, it always depends where your boundaries lie. Perhaps you will be able to work on your marriage and move on, or you will have to leave him. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you find proof that he is having an affair before you confront him.


I sincerely hope that
this article will have helped you figure out why your husband is texting
another woman and what action you should take in relation to it.

Did this article help
you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the
comments. We would love to hear from you.

What To Do When Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman (7 Tips)

It’s been happening for some time and now, and it’s slowly starting to get to you. For some days now, your partner has been on his phone a lot, texting a specific, particular female friend. Or a number of them, you’re still not sure. Your apprehension has done nothing but soars since you found out, mainly because you’re hesitant about asking your spouse about it; you’re scared to know the truth.

I can understand how you’re feeling, the doubts, fears, and uncertainties. I want to recommend some great ways to get around this issue without ruffling any unnecessary feathers, or making false accusations that can affect your marriage in later years. If you’ve been wondering ‘is texting cheating?’, and wondering what to do about it, when your partner is texting a different lady, look no further!

Things To Do When Your Husband Is Texting A Female Friend

1. Find more proof

Before any form of confrontation, the best thing to do is get to know more about whatever is happening. Before you miscommunicate, you will have to ask your mate as calmly and kindly as you can, what exactly is happening. Is she no one but a workmate? Are they old friends? Or is he having an affair? Finding out more will help you take better next steps, which will save your marriage a lot of stress.

2. When he’s texting a friend

You’ve found out who he’s texting with his phone, and it seems to be one of his female contacts. The thing to note is that before your marriage, you were independent individuals with people you cared about and loved (as friends, of course). If he’s texting one of such people, there’s a high chance he’ll be very honest to you, and he might even let you in on the conversations they have.

However, if you sense even though they’re friends, your man is messaging too much, you can try asking him to imagine a scenario where the tables were turned. How will he feel if you spoke to your other guys for nights on end, probably even more than you talked to your spouse? 

Creating such a scenario might allow your husband to envisage how you’re feeling and how much his actions affect you. Note that sounding controlling might not be the best thing in such an instance; thus, be sure to let him know that you appreciate him while getting your point across.

3. When a girl is constantly texting him (or trying to)

It’s not going to be your mate texting with his phone all the time; you might come across texts from a specific female he might not even be willing to reply to. Before doing anything, secretly be happy within that you chose such a hot looking man with great appeal. After this, the best step to take is to draw his attention to what’s happening because most of the time, men are oblivious to women trying to make moves.

More so, your husband may not be aware of how often her texts are coming in, or he doesn’t see anything odd with the times they come in. Be sure to point out to him that she’s trying to come onto him and do so in an amusing way such that he doesn’t shut it down immediately. 

4. When he’s communicating with someone because of work

When your husband’s communication is related to work, there’s honestly not a lot that can be done about it as a partner. This is because it’s his job, and he needs to be up to the task. Depending on the time when these text messages come in, you may alert him when they go well beyond work hours, disrupting family time. Gently, make him aware that a balance must exist between his job and family life.

Tell him if his work is making you feel like second in his life; you never know; he may not have realized how affected you are by his actions. If you believe something beyond work is taking place between the two parties, you can go to the extreme and visit the office unannounced. You may or may not notice something that shouldn’t be upon your visit.

5. When he’s having a sexual or emotional affair 

You’ve done your research and asked him questions about his phone usage, and you are confident that those text messages are indeed from a person he’s romantically involved with or even in a relationship with. How do you deal with such a revelation? That’s totally up to you. 

When it comes to text cheating, there’s no fixed rule in any book or article telling you the best approach to take. In all cases, how you respond and decide to act will depend mainly on your boundaries and how far is too far for you.

You might decide to get a divorce, or may want to work on the marriage, find out where the issues were and how best you can both move on together. Whatever your decision may be, it should be yours and yours and must be chosen only after you’re 100% sure he is having an affair with a new person. There’s nothing worse than having regrets after accusing your partner wrongly.

6. Communicate with your partner

Women and men are never the same, no matter how alike we might think we are in many ways. Men can’t read things like our minds as women, to find out what is bothering us, and why we’re giving them an attitude about a particular issue. Something else to note is that as women, were always so quick to jump to conclusions about our husbands when it comes to unfaithfulness and phone use. This is often because of our previous experiences if we’ve been cheated on before.

Communication is a way to avoid drawing the wrong conclusions, getting very high blood pressure, or giving attitude to an innocent man who really does love us and only us. Talk to your companion if you feel anything is off or odd. Be sure not to come on as aggressive, and don’t blame him before he has the chance to speak. Tell him how you feel about what’s happening, and create a comfortable environment where he can be open with you.

7. Don’t get mad at your spouse

When someone we love hurts us, it’s straightforward to get angry and explode at them even. No matter how tempting that might be with your man, you must avoid such an approach. Blowing up at your significant other out of the blue when you have a suspicion and nothing concrete can be detrimental to your relationship since it might automatically put him on the defense.

Confronting your partner while mad might cause him to lie to you about what’s happening, and he might even get mad at you. In the end, the possibility of both parties reaching a consensus, and sorting out your issues will be close to nil, damaging the marriage.


Is it OK for my husband to text another woman?

Your partner texting someone else doesn’t always automatically mean that they’re engaging in a sexual relationship with them. Many married couples engage in conversations with people without any ulterior motive. It is totally fine for your husband to communicate with other women, but when it becomes a specific person all the time, it might cause the raising of some eyebrows. 

What do you do when your husband is texting another woman?

We all wonder what’s the best approach to tackling instances where our husbands text other women. The best way to go is by communicating with him, especially if it’s something you’re not happy with. Talk to him about it, and you never know; it may not be what you were thinking. Being open and honest in your marriage is essential since it increases trust between both of you for a long time.

Is texting another woman considered cheating?

As individuals, many people have different perceptions of boundaries and how far is too far. For some, occasional chatting with someone isn’t a big deal, especially if they have an existing friendship. For others, this can be a serious felony that is equivalent to cheating. A partner texting a girlfriend may or may not be considered cheating, depending on the context and reason for the communication.

How do you know if your husband is interested in another woman?

Virtual communication might be a sign of a mate cheating, but there are many other ways to find out if your spouse is interested in a different person. One of the significant signs is a change in his appearance, which often happens suddenly. Also, your husband’s attitude towards you might change dramatically, with him suddenly becoming distant.

Is texting someone cheating?

There is such a thing as social media infidelity, and it is becoming widespread in relationships of the 21st century, with the fast evolution of technology and the cell phone. This form of infidelity can be sexual and might include flirting online and spending less time with your partner. When it gets to this stage, it can be considered cheating.

In A Nutshell

No fixed rule says, once a man starts texting someone of the opposite sex (female friends), he is cheating on his wife. But one more truth is that cheating doesn’t begin with sex; it might begin with regular conversations with that other person. Being able to read the signs your man might display can give you a clue as to what’s going on, and the best ways to approach issues. 

I hope this article taught you a few things, and you’re going to share it with family.

What To Do When Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman? (11 Things You Should Do)

No matter how long you have been married to someone, you want to know that they are truly committed to you, and only you. 

So what do you do if you have suspicions that your husband is not been entirely faithful to you and you are worried that he is texting another woman? This is a horrible and painful situation, but it is important to handle it properly.  

It is important to avoid acting rashly or jumping to any conclusions. If you assume something without knowing the truth, you may end up making decisions or saying something that you may regret. 

Avoid making any ultimatums about your relationship until you know the real truth. If you are worried about anything you should be able to talk to your husband about your feelings. 

No matter what the situation is, if you are married to someone, you should be able to talk to them about everything and be completely honest about any concerns or worries that you may have, even if they surround his faithfulness. If you feel like you are unable to talk to your husband or connect to him on an emotional level, this relationship may not be right for you. 

Keep reading to find out what you should do if your husband is texting another woman…

What To Do When Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman

If you are always on edge when your husband is around and you find yourself listening to his phone calls? Does he always take his phone with him wherever he goes and he is making you suspicious when he hides his messages from you? 

While there may be a simple and innocent explanation for this, it is important that you do not ignore the situation.  

In the modern world, social media enables us to easily reach other people which offers many benefits. However, easy access to technology also allows people to get away with lying and being unfaithful to their partners. It is easy to send a message to someone and delete it so that your partner will never know about it. So it is normal to be concerned. 

There is especially cause for worry if your husband’s behavior has dramatically changed recently. If he no longer communicates with you like he used to, he doesn’t tell you about his day or how he is feeling and he appears distant, then it is important to find the root of the problem, whether it be infidelity or not. 

1. Consider whether you are being reasonable

The first thing to do if you are worried about your partner’s behavior is to consider whether you are being reasonable. If your partner is merely texting his long-term friend, then you have no reason to doubt him. Trust your partner is being faithful to you.  

2. Don’t ignore the situation

If you have concerns about your partner’s behavior, it is important that you do not ignore the situation. If you think that your partner is having an emotional affair and is sending text messages to a female friend, find out what is going on before your concerns bring your relationship to an end anyway. 

3. Talk to him

In any long-term relationship, you should be able to openly communicate with each other. If you have concerns about your relationship or your partner’s behavior, talk to him openly about how you feel. See how he reacts, if he has nothing to hide it is likely he will explain the situation to you calmly. 

4. Put your relationship first

In the modern age, it is easy to allow technology to take over our lives. If you no longer communicate with your partner, put your phones away and spend some quality time together and see if this improves the situation. 

5. Don’t jump to conclusions

If you think that your partner is text messaging another woman, it is important that you do not jump to conclusions and start an argument with your partner before you know the truth as you may say something you will later regret.  

6. Calm down

If you decide to confront your partner about the situation, it is important that you do so in a calm and collected manner. Give yourself time to consider your thoughts and decide what you want to say. If you are calm he will likely respond honestly and openly. 

7. Listen to each other

When you confront your partner about the situation, it is important to listen to what he has to say. Don’t jump to conclusions until he has explained his side. Try and view things from his perspective before deciding how to move forward. 

8. Don’t look at his messages

One of the worst things to do in this situation is to take your partner’s phone and look at the messages he has been sending when he is not looking. If you are wrong and he has not been text messaging another woman, you have betrayed his trust instead.

9. Consider your happiness

If you are wondering what to do when your husband is texting another woman, it is important to first consider your own happiness. Do these fears stem from deeper unhappiness. Consider whether your marriage is making you happy anymore and if not, walk away. 

10. Pay attention to your partner

Consider whether you have been paying enough attention to your partner lately. If you have been really busy at work and you have been ignoring him when he has been trying to talk to you, he may be turning to a female friend for attention instead. While this is not the right way to resolve the situation, he may just be missing you. 

11. Do what is right for you

If you know that your partner has sent a flirty text message to the phone of someone else, it is important to consider what is right for you. If you cannot trust your partner after this, it is time to walk away even though you may still love him. If you need more information about his phone activities, talk to him openly and move forward from there. 


How do I get my husband to stop talking to another woman?

If you know for a fact that your husband is texting or talking to another woman, the first thing you need to do is to determine the nature of their relationship. If you are in a committed and stable relationship and your partner is merely friends with this woman, there should be nothing to worry about. However, if you do have any concerns, make sure to communicate with him openly. 

Is texting cheating in a marriage?

If your partner texts someone else in a flirty or romantic manner, then many people will consider it cheating. If anything your partner does with someone else makes you uncomfortable it is important to make him aware of this and carefully talk about your concerns together. If you are deeply unhappy maybe it is time to walk away. 

What to do when he is texting another girl?

If your partner is texting another girl you first need to find out what kind of a relationship they have. If they are just friends, your partner is doing nothing wrong and you shouldn’t have to worry about his behavior. However, if it is clear that they are more than friends and you are worried about your own relationship, it is time to talk to your partner honestly and openly.  

How do you know if your husband is in love with another woman?

If you have any reason to believe your husband is in love with another woman, it is likely that your marriage is no longer working. In any marriage or committed relationship, you should be able to trust that your partner is faithful and completely committed to you and no one else. If he ever makes you doubt whether this is true, it may be time to walk away.

How can I see who my husband is texting?

You should not have to check who your husband is texting. You should be able to trust that your partner is committed and faithful to you. However, if you are worried about your partner’s behavior, it is important to look at your relationship as a whole. No relationship is going to survive without trust and honesty, so think carefully about how to move forward. 

To Sum Up… 

Relationships and marriages are built on trust and honesty and without these things, your relationship is likely going to break down. If you cannot trust your partner, it is important to look at the issues that are evident in your relationship before it is too late. If he is texting another woman in a romantic or flirty way, it is time to reconsider your situation carefully. 

Let us know what you thought in the comments and don’t forget to share this article!

As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.

I’m angry my husband is texting a female colleague | Relationships

The dilemma In the digital age what do we make of a husband who texts a female colleague more than his wife? I trust my husband, but he doesn’t see why I feel hurt. The number of texts has grown significantly over a couple of months. I realise opening his post, phone bills addressed to him, is wrong, but we women only seek answers when we have questions. The texts occur during work hours or when he’s working abroad, when I receive very few texts from him. They don’t occur at weekends or late at night, nor is he spending time away from home. He continues to be as loving as ever, but did not apologise when I told him I was upset. In fact, he claimed I was being ridiculous as they were just friends. I feel angry that he doesn’t respect my feelings, but I’ve no idea how to sort this issue or how to live with it and carry on trusting him.

Mariella replies It’s an issue, but not just one of the digital age. It harks back much further. Judging by your appraisal of events so far this woman has done little apart from arrive in the job and communicate regularly, during office hours, with your husband. It’s hardly an act of ardent passion. If we believe in an equal world, where men and women work as colleagues and often as friends, then we can’t discriminate in our treatment of our partner’s work mates. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be alert to trespassers overstepping boundaries, but we have to be fair-minded, reasonable and gender blind. By your own admission there are no notable changes to your husband’s behaviour so why have you breached his privacy and betrayed his trust by searching through his mailboxes? Your behaviour suggests you have reason to suspect him of deception, as otherwise his crime, if there is one, is simply one of omission.

Making sweeping statements like: “We women only seek answers when we have questions” doesn’t exonerate your sleuthing. Such broad and unsubstantiated declarations do women and humanity in general a disservice. There are plenty of people, male and female, who display irrational and in many cases damaging degrees of paranoia and jealousy when it comes to their partner’s wider circle of friends and colleagues. They’ve even recently featured in the Archers plot.

Text, emails, social media and mobiles may all facilitate extracurricular relationships, but they don’t create them

I’ve met plenty of suspicious, green-eyed lovers. I’ve also been one myself in my insecure 20s and hold two basic tenets based on my own grim experience. The first is that you can’t enforce fidelity by policing your lover. And the second that when a partner’s behaviour regularly provokes suspicion either your fears are well-founded, in which case you should be considering your options, not chasing evidence – or they’re self-created, and you need help to diffuse whatever is triggering your paranoia.

Text, emails, social media and mobiles may all facilitate extracurricular relationships, but they don’t create them. They also leave a trail far harder to erase than that of a 19th-century lover. Men and women have been finding ways to have sex with strangers and friends since time immemorial, so blaming your dilemma on the digital age ignores the real conundrum. Once upon a time, when we had barely won the vote, the idea of men and women working together in harmony, having relationships without the complication of sex and bringing their different attributes to work for a common goal seemed almost inconceivable. Now we’re lucky enough to live in that world.

I’m worried about you sitting around at home poring over your husband’s business correspondence and phone bills, and I wonder if you would do better to develop a more fulfilling life of your own. Keeping tabs on your man’s movements may one day net you the prize you seem intent on – exposing a guilty dalliance – but what an enormous amount of time and energy you’ll have squandered in the process.

I suspect that if he were having an affair there would be clearer indications than his phone records. By your account his behaviour remains faultless. It would be perhaps less palatable if your partner spent his free time referring to his colleague’s texts. Then again, why on earth should he, as I’m sure it’s not the only relationship he has that’s based on his job and kept in that arena.

You haven’t said what prompted you to monitor his messages, or what you do while he’s going about his day, so forgive me if I’ve missed a message myself. If she’s a “friend” as he describes her, rather than a colleague, I’d suggest a meal together so you can enjoy her company, too. Ultimately, though, I’d urge you to find more satisfying diversions than trawling through your man’s correspondence. Keeping tabs on your partner’s life leaves you with less time to invest in your own and that’s a far greater crime than texting a colleague.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1

What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman

What to do when your husband is talking to another woman? If you’ve been struggling with this question, you probably already have trouble brewing in paradise. Your husband may have come to depend on another woman for his emotional needs or may rely on her for advice on matters big and small.

Even if he swears that the relationship is platonic, it’s bound to irk you on some level. That’s because loyalty is a natural expectation to have in a marriage. This means expecting your spouse to not cross the lines of fidelity and become involved with another person.

So, if there is a woman who has your husband’s attention, your feelings of jealousy and restlessness are totally justified. But being close to another woman doesn’t necessarily equal disloyalty. You cannot lead with the presumption that they’re romantically involved or he’s having an emotional affair.

It is important to handle the situation delicately if your husband confides in another woman or has developed a deep connection with her.

12 Things To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman

No matter how harmless their association, the presence of another woman in your husband’s life can have lasting repercussions on your marriage. A recent study lists suspicion or lack of trust as one of the four leading factors behind divorce. Given that up to 50% of marriages in the US can end in divorce, it is vital that you approach this situation calmly and not blow the issue out of proportion.

When your husband is talking to another woman in front of you or keeping you in the loop about meeting her, there is a good chance that you have nothing to worry about. The fact that they are not sneaking behind your back is a reassurance that the relationship is platonic.

Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?

This is to not discredit your feelings in any way. When your husband confides in another woman, your feelings of jealousy or insecurity are justified even then because, in a marriage, spouses are expected to be each other’s go-to person for all their needs. The fact that your husband has given a part of that role to someone else is bound to be disconcerting.

That said, knowing that there is no infidelity at play here in all likelihood, will help you handle the situation with the sensitivity it warrants. Here are 12 things to do when your husband is talking to another woman:


Learn as much as you can about this other woman

Whether it’s the case of your married man texting another woman or going out to meet her in person, find out all you can about her. If it’s someone you already know – an old friend of your husband’s, a colleague, your friend, a friend’s wife – try to get to know her better by talking to her directly or asking around (but subtly).

If you do not know her at all, the best approach is to ask your husband about her directly. While you’re at it, pay close attention to how he reacts. It’ll address your doubts about whether your husband has feelings for another woman.

He’ll be comfortable answering your questions if he has nothing to hide. If his jaw tightens up and his face turns pale or if he loses his temper and lashes out at you, it could be one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.

2. Try to see things from his perspective

No, we’re not saying ‘men will be men’ and so you have to just put up with it when your husband is talking to another woman. The point is that women have what is commonly referred to as a ‘sixth sense’. They can just sense when something is amiss even if they’re not able to pin down the exact reason behind it.

Something that men categorically lack. The possibility that the other woman your husband is talking to may have feelings for him and he is completely oblivious of it is very real. So, before you start doubting him or accusing him of being unfaithful to you, take this into account. He may see your reaction as totally unjustified because from his perspective he is just talking to a friend.

Maya could see that her fiance’s childhood best friend clearly had feelings for him. However, he just didn’t seem to catch the signs despite her territorial attitude with Maya. Even after they got married, the friendship continued and Maya began wrestling with the question: what to do when your husband is talking to another woman.

Before doubting him consider that he may be oblivious of the other woman’s feelings for him

It was only when she started making frantic calls demanding that she needed him by her side because she was feeling lonely and distraught on their first wedding anniversary that Maya’s husband began to see the writing on the wall. Now that he had warmed up to the idea, Maya began bringing his attention to other tell-tale signs that his best friend was in love with him. Together, they were able to tide over this stumbling block in the relationship.

3. Understand the context of the conversation

“My husband is nicer to the other woman.” This thought can leave you with a pit in your stomach. However, before you let the monster of insecurity consume you, make an effort to understand the dynamics of their equation. Is it a colleague that your husband texts or talks on the phone often? Removing gender dynamics from the equation and seeing them as two coworkers indulging in some healthy banter can be helpful.

Perhaps, they work closely together in the office and that has led them to develop a rapport. Your husband may confide in another woman because she gets the work-related references better than you can.

If that’s the case, you have to rein in your fears about losing him to her. Instead, focus on ways to improve communication in your marriage, so that you share even those aspects of your life that you or your spouse are not actively involved in.

Related Reading: 15 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted

4. Don’t blame yourself

When your husband is nicer to another woman or gives her more attention than he does to you, it is bound to leave you grappling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. So, you must keep reminding yourself that it is not your fault.

Irrespective of the nature and depth of their connection, you’re not to blame for any of it. Even so, there is always scope to make your relationship with your husband more balanced and healthy. Instead of wallowing in self-deprecating thoughts, focus on that.

When your husband confides in another woman or you feel that he treats her on par with you, introspect about what’s lacking in your relationship. Then, work on fostering those elements and bridging the gaps. Perhaps, he shares with her a camaraderie and friendship that’s lacking in your equation. So, work on becoming your husband’s friend.

Don’t do it with the objective of pushing the other woman out of the picture but because you genuinely want to build a wholesome relationship. You cannot control anything beyond that, so let the chips fall where they may. When your bond with your husband is rock solid, we can assure you they will fall in your favor.

5. Get to the bottom of the situation

If you cannot help but see the signs your husband has a crush on another woman or feel like his association with this woman is threatening your marriage, try to get to the bottom of things. To be able to see the bigger picture, you need clarity on who she is, how your husband came in contact with her, how often they talk and about what.

This understanding will either help assuage your concerns or make you understand the gravity of the situation. If you discover that they share a genuine friendship, it will help put your mind at ease.

On the other hand, if you find out that there are, in fact, deeper feelings at play, you will be in a better position to address the problem pragmatically. It’s not something you can wish away by being in denial.

Related Reading: 8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives

6. Don’t lead with accusations

Hannah discovered that her husband, Stewart, spoke to another woman regularly. She chanced upon a chat and later found it deleted. When she confronted him, he denied having any such woman in his life. “My husband lied about talking to another woman. He must be cheating on me,” Hannah was unable to shake that thought.

Since he wasn’t forthcoming, this led to a host of problems in their marriage. A year later, she found out that her husband was, in fact, in touch with his ex. But it was to help her get out of her abusive marriage. Even though Stewart hadn’t cheated on Hannah, the trust between them had taken a hit and things were never quite the same again.

To avoid such eventualities, it’s imperative that when you talk to your husband about this other woman that he is getting close to, you must approach the matter sensitively. Don’t start hurling accusations of cheating. It will only alienate him.

Besides, if he does not have any romantic feelings or emotional attachment toward this woman, you risk hurting him immensely in the process. This can sow the seeds of mistrust in your marriage. So, tread carefully to make sure you do not end up doing more harm than good.

7. Tell your husband how you feel

What to do when your husband is texting another woman and you’re uncomfortable with it? Now that you’re addressing the issue head-on, tell your husband that his connection with another woman makes you feel uncomfortable, insecure, jealous or whatever else it is that you’re feeling.

It is okay to be vulnerable in front of the man whom you love so dearly and have chosen as your partner for life. If there is nothing cooking between them, and your husband sees how deeply affected you’re by it all, he may take a step back on his own.

8. Take the wait and watch approach

After you’ve had the talk, don’t expect a miracle to happen overnight. When your husband confides in another woman, he likely values her as a friend or confidante. He may not be able to snap that chord instantly. You should neither expect nor pressure him to.

Be patient, and give him the time to come around. If he stops talking to her owing to pressure from you, he may start resenting you for it. That resentment can open the floodgates for a host of other marital issues.

9. Ask to be involved

If your married man is texting another woman or meeting her regularly, she must have an important place in his life. As his life partner, it is absolutely justified for you to want to build a connection with someone so important to him.

So suggest meeting her sometime. Float the idea of inviting this woman home for drinks or going out for dinner together. If your husband has nothing to hide, he should be on board with it. If this suggestion makes him uncomfortable, you can read into it as one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.

In case your husband agrees to introduce you to her or is open to the idea of you socializing with her, leave the jealousy and insecurity at the door and make an earnest attempt to establish a rapport with her. And if he dismisses your suggestion outright, it’s time you have a serious conversation about this woman’s place in his life.

Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic

10. Give him a chance to explain

Talk to your spouse

What to do when your husband is talking to another woman? Well, one thing you shouldn’t do at any cost is make up your own opinions about their equation without hearing your husband out. No matter how convinced you’re of the fact that your husband’s connection with this other woman signals emotional cheating, if not a full-blown affair, give him a chance to tell you his side of the story.

When he does, hear him out without judgment or prejudice. Try your best to not lose your temper or get into an argument. You have a problem at hand, and the objective should be to find a solution to this problem and not complicate it further.

11. Explore the chinks in your marriage

If your husband confides in another woman, there is no denying the fact that there are some chinks and cracks in your marital bond. That is why another person found a way into your equation. While it is easy to indulge in blame-game and be infuriated by this development, what you really need to do is focus on the underlying issues in your marriage.

Have you drifted apart over time? Are these some unresolved feelings of hurt or anger looming over your marriage? Is there an issue of intimacy or lack of understanding at play here? You have to look within to weed out this external problem threatening your marriage.

Related Reading: Is The 7-Year Relationship Itch Real?

12. Go into therapy

When your husband is talking to another woman, it can cause you both to become alienated. This, coupled with any underlying issues, can be detrimental to your future together. To save your marriage, consider going into couples therapy.

A trained professional can help you navigate your issues a lot more effectively than you can on your own. If you are considering this recourse but don’t know how to get started, know that help is only a click away.

The presence of another woman in your husband’s life may or may not be alarming. Explore all the different facets to their connection, keep calm and approach the problem as pragmatically as possible. With a little maturity and sensitivity, you can emerge from it unscathed as a couple.


1. Why is my husband talking to another woman?

There can be a host of reasons behind this, ranging from a genuine friendship to a strong emotional bond. You may have to delve deeper to understand the real reason behind it.

2. How do you know if your husband is interested in another woman?

If your husband isn’t forthcoming about the details of his interaction with this other woman, tries to avoid talking to her in front of you or is not keen on making you two meet, it indicates that your husband is interested in this other woman.

3. What does it mean when your husband flirts with another woman?

Flirting can be harmless and completely inconsequential. However, if your husband has developed a strong emotional bond with this woman, then you have a reason to be concerned

4. How do you know if your husband likes someone else?

If he prioritizes this other person over you, he definitely likes her.

5. Why does my husband defend the other woman?

He may be just defending himself and trying to make you see that he’s not cheating on you. Or it could be a sign of his emotional attachment to her. You can know for sure only after having a real conversation with your husband about this issue.

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My Husband is Texting Another Woman: Next Steps

Now is the time to go running to God, and to find a close friend or counselor to help you do that, so that you have His inner strength and peace to deal with this.

You Must Confront Him Over the Texting–or the Betrayal

Our letter writer is wondering if she should confront her husband with the texts to another woman she saw on Facebook.

Her reluctance is understandable. As soon as you say the words, you can’t take them back. You can’t go on pretending everything is fine. It’s out in the open, and now all the ugliness has to be dealt with. What if you can’t put that genie back in the bottle?

If you don’t confront him it will get worse. If you don’t confront him you are hurting his own spiritual life. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions; that’s the only way that he will have the motivation to do the right thing.

Many men (and many women) are living in this fairytale that they can have their cake and eat it, too. The more they go down that path–by pursuing a relationship with another woman–the more they damage themselves as people and hurt all those around them. He must be made to choose, which means that you need to be willing to accept the fact that he may not choose you. As I explained in my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, it’s all about choosing to live in truth, because if you just try to “keep the peace”, then you’re actually continuing to live in a lie. And ultimately, that’s bad for everyone.

(See the book here).

A few practical things: If you have caught him texting, take a picture of it. If you caught him on Facebook, take a screen shot. It is best to have proof so that he can’t argue or tell you that you’re crazy. If you found him using porn, take a screen shot of the computer’s internet history, just so that he can’t deny it. Then, instead of debating whether he actually did it, you can move on to dealing with the consequences of it.

Also, sometimes it’s better to confront him in the presence of a third party who can help you navigate that conversation. If it’s something big, talk to a pastor or counselor first, and ask them to be present while you talk to your husband. This isn’t always possible, but often these conversations go better this way.

90,000 Poland escaped punishment from the EU by taking advantage of the migration crisis – InoTV

To settle one crisis, Warsaw decided to exploit another: the Polish authorities diverted attention from the problems with the rule of law in the country, focusing rhetoric on the situation on the border with Belarus, writes Foreign Policy. As emphasized in the publication’s material, such a strategy was at least partially successful – in any case, until now Brussels reacted extremely sluggishly to the outrageous actions of the Poles.

Poland’s ruling Law and Justice Party initiated “dismantling the judiciary as an independent system” , dealt a blow to LGBT rights, started “backward movement” in the field of women’s reproductive rights and “gutted” the country’s media – and this “Democratic regression” , of course, caused alarm in Brussels, writes Foreign Policy. As the correspondent of the magazine reminds, the conflict between Warsaw and the EU reached a critical point in October, when the Constitutional Court of Poland ruled that certain regulations of the European Union did not correspond to the Basic Law of the country.

Meanwhile, faced with “a direct challenge to the fundamental order of the EU” from Warsaw, Brussels gave a “sluggish response” , only blocking the transfer of $ 41.2 billion to Poland from the EU Recovery Fund after the coronavirus pandemic, the FP journalist emphasizes. Warsaw did not slow down the tone – Polish Prime Minister Mateusz Morawiecki said that the measures by the EU are essentially “blackmail” , and another member of the country’s government threatened to strike at the key climate laws of the European Union.

To settle the crisis in the west, the Polish authorities turned their gaze to the east, the author continues. When “authoritarian leader” of Belarus Alexander Lukashenko “organized the migration crisis” on the eastern borders of Poland, the Law and Justice party took an extremely tough stance on the issue of migration. Between September and November, the Polish government imposed a state of emergency on the border with Belarus – and in this “gray zone” near the border about three kilometers wide, the country’s law enforcement agencies began to operate without any supervision from international humanitarian organizations and journalists.Migrants arrested while trying to cross the border were often simply expelled back to Belarus in violation of international law, an FP correspondent says.

As the journalist writes, on Tuesday the Polish parliament adopted amendments to the law on border protection as soon as possible. European Commissioner for Human Rights Dunja Mijatovic said that such a move “will negatively affect the freedoms of movement, assembly and speech” , and also interfere with “important work to protect the rights of migrants and refugees” at the border.Poland, inspired by the example of Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban, declared in defense of its actions that it was not just protecting itself, but that it was protecting itself from illegal migrants for the entire EU.

This tactic of Warsaw worked to some extent: although Poland’s violation of the rule of law outraged the European Union, Brussels nevertheless expressed “solidarity” with the Polish authorities on the issue of the border crisis, not paying attention to what conditions they created on the border , the FP correspondent notes.And the President of the European Council Charles Michel spoke about the need to start “discussion of the possibility of EU funding for physical border infrastructure” , thus raising an extremely controversial topic, which only “illiberal” EU countries like Poland and Hungary like. Meanwhile, other members of the bloc did not remain on the sidelines – for example, Lithuania and Latvia, which also introduced a state of emergency in the border areas and began to expel migrants. And on Wednesday, the European Commission again supported the tough border policy of individual EU countries, adopting a number of temporary measures that weaken the legal protection guaranteed to applicants for refugee status: in particular, the procedure for expelling such persons from Europe was simplified, and the deadline for their registration was increased from 10 days up to four weeks.

If the Law and Justice party really wanted to divert attention from the legal crisis inside Poland with the help of problems at the border, taking advantage of Brussels’ fear of uncontrolled migration, then it partially succeeded: during Morawiecki’s recent tour of European capitals, it was not the threat to the rule of law in Warsaw, and the danger posed to the West by Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is “ unwavering supporter” of Lukashenko, says a Foreign Policy correspondent.

“In my opinion, Moravetsky wants to make it clear that these are serious things, and the rest is not so important anymore, ,” Petr Buras, senior researcher at the European Council on Foreign Relations think tank, said in an interview with Foreign Policy. – The link between the crisis of the rule of law in Poland and the crisis on its border is weaker than the representatives of Law and Justice would like, but the EU probably hopes to show solidarity with the Poles on the border issue, while maintaining a tough stance on the rule of law.However, this connection presents a problem, because, on the one hand, Brussels declares that it is not satisfied with how the rule of law is observed in Poland, but on the other hand, it does not say a word about how this very rule of law is being violated at the border of the country. It turns out to be inconsistency “.

According to FP, such a “soft” approach to “unreliable” EU members by Brussels prompted the European Parliament to initiate legal proceedings against the European Commission due to the fact that it was unable to promptly put into operation a new mechanism for ensuring the rule of law, which was supposed to come into force at the beginning of the year. “The problem with the European Commission in its current composition is that it forgets that it needs to remain independent, – Dutch MEP Sophie int Weld commented on the situation in an interview with FP. – It acts more like an agency serving the governments of the member states, and this is a serious problem. Poland and Hungary are going beyond the permissible, and the European Commission is essentially trying to dodge its responsibilities and get out of the awkward situation ”.

The European Commission has recently sent messages to the governments of Poland and Hungary inquiring about violations of EU laws, which was the first step towards bringing into effect the said rule of law mechanism.However, critics were not reassured by this step, the FP correspondent emphasizes. “Every time the same approach – ‘let’s start with a clean slate’, but there is already enough evidence to confirm violations,” , – told the Int Weld journalist.

And there are more and more of them: last week, the Constitutional Court of Poland ruled that the European Court of Human Rights does not have the power to interfere with the process of appointing judges in the country, according to the FP material. And on Wednesday, the lower house of the Polish parliament considered a bill introducing a complete ban on abortion, as well as punishment in the form of prison terms for both the specialists carrying out this procedure and their patients, thus redefining the distance from the core values ​​of the EU.

The administration of US President Joe Biden, which constantly makes statements about democracy, still wants to keep Poland on its side – Biden and his Polish counterpart Andrzej Duda met in June on the sidelines of the NATO summit, and the US State Department said that “deeply appreciates leadership qualities ”, which were shown during the border crisis by Poland, Lithuania and Latvia, writes the journalist Foreign Policy. Finally, despite everything, Poland remains on the list of countries invited to the Biden Democratic Summit – which will be held next week – an event designed, according to the organizers, to provide country leaders with a platform to announce reforms and initiatives to protect democracy and human rights at home and abroad, the author notes.

Anastasia Mironova “That xenophobia is not always bad”

You know, I was once married to a Pole. Real. Who has never come to Russia. We lived together in a Polish-speaking environment in London and came to Poland. I spoke Polish, read Polish books, I could even read poetry and get artistic pleasure from them. I massively and methodically swallowed Polish cinema, studied Polish history and culture. I was a good wife, an inquisitive excellent student, my husband knew Russian and was well versed in the modern history of Russia.
But I felt that it was among the Poles that I would not be able to fully assimilate, because this is an extremely monolithic nation in terms of culture, religion and ethnos. This is a country in which the overwhelming majority of residents, with exceptions in terms of statistical error, have one common experience, a common base, a common past. They all stand together on the same foundation and are extremely understandable to each other.
In such a society, it is difficult for a stranger to completely merge with the landscape, because there are few strangers. There are no immigrants, do you understand? This was even before the massive arrival of Ukrainians in Poland to work, but even now Ukrainians there do not change the portrait of society in any way, because they are not part of this society.
Poland is a concrete, solidified monolithic country that is not shared even by the controversy about abortion and religious lessons at school.
And that, I tell you, is damn good. Perhaps it’s very good when you go out on the street and know that more than 95% of the people you meet watched the same cartoons in childhood, sang the same songs at church services, started sorting garbage at the same time, connecting cable TV and snickers.
Abortion, position on the plane crash of Kaczynski, choice between left and moderate socialists – these are all little things, whirlwinds on the surface of a homogeneous landscape.And I, having lived among the Poles, realized that such a country is comfortable, it has a special charm. In this country, the Pole is calm, because you do not need to be distracted by explaining to your neighbor the basics of your culture. It’s great when you walk around the city and know that everyone around you more or less adheres to the same values ​​with you. In a safe, comfortable world, the “friend or foe” system should always work, and a person should be able to instantly recognize his own. This is the key to a calm life. The system works in Poland.There are few foreigners there and they, like Christmas trees in a birch forest, always stand out. And the Poles appreciate it in their country.

Now tell me: why has it suddenly become fashionable to reproach people for wanting to live in an environment that is understandable and related to them? Why do we now shame monocultural societies, call them xenophobic? And why did xenophobia become a dirty word in general? What’s wrong with a person’s unwillingness to let someone else’s and other things into his life? On what basis did they begin to demand from him that he spend the time allotted to him on earth on learning something else, another, on rapprochement with a foreign culture, on its assimilation, or – on rubbing against it? There is only one life.And I assure you that the majority of Poles who now support the actions of their authorities on the border want to spend their lives in a comfortable monocultural Poland, where you do not need to accustom yourself to being next to a new one.

The crisis on the Polish-Belarusian border is a reason to finally say aloud: every nation has the right to resist the import of alien culture. And only someone’s very dishonest head came up with the idea of ​​asserting that this is bad and embarrassing. Not bad! Not ashamed! This is fine! And xenophobia in most cases is normal, because it does not carry any biological hatred or contempt for other people: it is a natural desire of a person to live among a close and understandable world.And in this sense, even immigrants arriving in a new country are as xenophobic as those who are not happy with them, because they settle in ethnic regions, stick to each other and rarely assimilate in the first generation.

If it is normal that Arabs who break through Poland to Germany in Berlin settle in Kreuzberg, why is it bad that they are not allowed in by the Poles, who know that Germany is now reluctant to accept refugees and send them to the country of entry to the EU, that is, back to Poland? The Arabs do not want to live in Berlin among the Germans – they want to live among the Arabs, and this does not annoy anyone.But Poles wanting to live in Warsaw among Poles – is that outrageous? And if the Germans say that they want to live in the German region, they immediately remember both the Holocaust and Hitler …

From the first day of the conflict on the Polish-Belarusian border, I have been very closely following the events and looking at them through the eyes of Poles. For me, this is a person’s battle for the right to his circle. The modern world sorely lacks just such a view of the problem of migration, internal migration, if we talk about a country like ours.A person wants to be born, live and die in his country, among people close to him in culture, historical experience and religion. Why should he be insulted for this, shamed as a xenophobe, and even demanded to be imprisoned for it?

Every nation has the right to refuse to import an alien culture. All the more so – reduced. In the case of refugees, the rule is not so strict, but during labor immigration, not the best representatives of the nation, not the intelligentsia, but people without education, always go to rich, well-fed countries.Poles understand this and have the courage to speak openly. Are we not?

Let’s digress from Poland – let’s discuss us. For example, sometimes people literally illiterate come to us from Tajikistan: a generation has already become parents there, which in the 90s, due to the civil war, almost did not go to school, and they could not teach him anything at home, because they are farmers with mountains. And we, too, are ashamed of any attempts to talk about a visa regime with Central Asia. They are immediately accused of xenophobia. And why is xenophobia bad, if it is, in particular, a reluctance to dilute one’s culture with someone else’s with a diminished one?

In 2012, I attended several events dedicated to the problem of educating labor immigrants in St. Petersburg.In particular, I went to Smolny to some conference where various NGOs spoke. One spoke with pride about her work: they printed thousands of brochures in which they explained with pictures that it is not customary in Russia to defecate in parks, that a short skirt on a woman does not mean an invitation to sex, that women in Russia do not like being grabbed on the street for the buttocks, and that the presence of pants on a Russian woman does not mean the automatic right to hit her in the face with a backhand.

There was also a point about a curfew: the police caught illiterate immigrants in the evenings and demanded a fine from them, because supposedly in Russia after 23.00 is not allowed to appear on the street. The obedient workers paid. And it was necessary to create a whole NGO that would explain to migrants their rights. Then in Smolny, a volunteer proudly told that their organization travels to construction sites, large industrial facilities, places where migrants gather, gathers them together, conducts conversations, and gives brochures. Enlightens that is.

A representative of another NGO said that they organize language courses for migrant children, because in some St. Petersburg schools there are too many students who do not know Russian, and they are slowing down the process.

All this was described in detail and in colors in Smolny, officials and journalists listened attentively. I may be wrong, but, in my opinion, even the then governor of the city, Georgy Poltavchenko, was there. Everyone nodded, and everyone in their eyes was in great amazement, because everyone in that hall, from high officials to inconspicuous cameramen, was playing the same thought in their heads: why should we listen to this, if our society has a natural right to take and refuse to import a culture that doesn’t prohibit defecation in the park and allows you to backhand a woman? Why are we all going to calculate how much more money and effort is needed to explain this to newcomers, instead of simply limiting their influx into Russia?

Or let’s take the last example – the clashes between the “natives of the Caucasus” with the local population in Moscow and a number of other cities.All these more frequent scandals with shooting at weddings, nightly lezginkas in courtyards, attacks on ordinary people should be looked at in the context of the right of a representative of the cultural majority to reject alien things.

Yes, we are a multinational and multicultural country. But within our country, each community should have the right to preserve its circle. In the Caucasus, this right exists. The North Caucasus is building completely monocultural republics, from which not only Russian, not only Christian ones are being ousted – modern culture is being ousted altogether.Why doesn’t anyone in Grozny or Makhachkala talk about multiculturalism? Do they want to live among their own? Well, Muscovites, Perm, Khabarovsk also want to live in a culture that is understandable and close to them.

It is not customary for them to fire up automatic rounds at a wedding, dance on the roof and shout to a fifty-year-old woman in a mini-skirt: “A shaitan bought you, an old whore!” Well, not accepted, that’s all. And they have the full right to demand that there should be no reduced culture in their cities.

This is not another culture, not original, but reduced.When in St. Petersburg a driver stops a minibus to force a programmer with cerebral palsy to drop off, because he thinks that a shaitan has moved in, every resident of the city has the right to stand up and say that they do not want a neighborhood with such a dense foreign culture. And if in Moscow the crowd kicks a man with their feet shouting: “We will teach you to respect Dagestan,” Muscovites also have the right to say: “Enough!” Any person by birth has the inalienable right to strive for the best, comfortable and safe.Dagestanis who live in Moscow are apparently better off in Moscow, and this is their right to be respected. But it just so happened that many Muscovites are more comfortable if visitors from Chechnya or Dagestan behave as is customary in Moscow, or stay at home. And that, too, should be respected.

Interesting: we can find all sorts of coliving, coworking, cafes and festivals for vegans, for example, or for queer. At the same time, we are constantly ashamed for the announcement of renting a room “only to the Slavs.”

Recently I read that the administrators of one group for renting real estate “from the owner” announced that they would no longer publish ads “with discrimination”, that is, if they write somewhere that they will only rent to Slavs, non-Muslims.But there’s also an ad for a vegan apartment. At the same time, why is a person ashamed for not wanting a neighbor who constantly grumbles that a woman belongs at home?

Once at the entrance where the St. Petersburg “Echo” was located on the first floor, a cleaning lady in Kurban Bayram laid a fresh ram skin on the floor, I stepped on it in the dark and got scared: all my shoes were covered in blood and mucus. Why, in fact, is it a shame not to want such a neighborhood? What the hell is this? Why can you want to live among vegans, but you can’t refuse to watch how they dance with a machine gun on the roof of the “Lada” or slaughter a ram behind the garage? And what was the fault of the Poles, who found the strength to say “no” to all this?
https: // www.gazeta.ru/comments/column/mironova/14269135.shtml

“Organize your grounds and walk there!” The Petersburg woman who chased away autistic children faces a criminal case

Would you like children with special needs to study in your child’s class?

V. Vorsobin:

– Today’s story really hooked me. You’ve probably heard too, but if anyone doesn’t know, I’ll tell you. In St. Petersburg, in the cultural capital of our country, an outrageous incident took place.There, autistic children were walking on the playground – children with developmental disabilities, as they say now. A woman came out with a child and began to be indignant that they were walking here at all. The educators of these children got into an argument with the woman, recorded it on video, and the woman promised that more of these children would not be here, because they are unpleasant, because they interfere with the walking of healthy children … “You should have everything of your own” – this is how the opinion of this woman. What began later on social networks cannot be conveyed at all.Even that part of our users who are ready to ridicule everything, scold everything, etc., even they stood up to protect children. And this lady had a very bad time – now the Investigative Committee is busy with her, etc. Today we will discuss the nature of this all-Russian indignation of ours, which I did not expect, in a program with Valery Vladimirovich Ryazansky , First Deputy Chairman of the Federation Council Committee on Social Policy . Valery Vladimirovich, hello.


– Hello.

V. Vorsobin:

– Do you know where it came to? That center for helping children with autism, which is called “What’s the Difference”, after this story received a million donations. That is, it exceeded the plan to raise money by 259% – that is, people just took money to these educators who take care of autistic children. Thus, they compensated for such a tough attitude of just one St. Petersburg lady. What is this story? Why do you think society is so stirred up?


– I watched this report in more detail, the situation, frankly speaking, did not particularly surprise me, due to the fact that we have to deal with this kind of problem quite often and it should be treated, at least by those who busy with the problems of government regulation, issues related to this kind of problems, here we need, as they say, have a cool head. Why? Because the problem is not as simple as it seems at first glance. A humanistic position alone will not solve the problem related to the behavior of our citizens.Strictly speaking, the Investigative Committee, of course, will investigate and I do not see, frankly speaking, any criminal offenses there. We are talking about our cultural state, and you probably rightly said that we are talking about the cultural capital. But let’s go back a little bit to the history of this issue. We, as a state, have entered the topic of working with people with disabilities in a civilized manner, having signed the ratified international convention only in 2008. When already many countries of Europe and America worked under this convention.What is a convention for the protection of the rights of persons with disabilities? This is an international document that obliges the entire infrastructure – material, cultural, if you like, social, etc., to be built taking into account absolute equality in relation to children with different physical abilities in health. This applies not only to children, this also applies to adults, and these 12-13 years of work of our state, frankly speaking, bear fruit. And there was a whole program, first a federal one, then at the regional level work in this part is being carried out, but this concerns the material state of affairs.This is the adaptation of buildings, structures, government institutions, cultural objects …

V. Vorsobin:

– Valery Vladimirovich, you said that this is not a very unambiguous situation and I am just waiting for you to say, what is its ambiguity? Here everything seems to be clear. Here is good – people who care for autists, but evil – this woman who drives them away. And here is the society, which, having finally figured out correctly where there is evil, and where is good, stepped in for the children.What is so simple in this, albeit flat, scheme that can be doubted?

V. Ryazansky:

– I have no doubts here in terms of the reaction of society. The only question is, are we going to prosecute this woman now? What if the child is really scared? The issue of inclusion, the issue of relations between children in this adolescence, preschool, school age – this is a whole big and serious problem, science, if you want, science to live together and you cannot treat it so simply.I want to say that here the path that we have passed, from the point of view of inclusion, we have not yet gone very long – it has lasted for 13 years. And I am not condemning either one or the other, because both sides behaved quite aggressively in terms of telephone records, etc. Probably, adults could show an example of how this problem could be solved in a different way. But, unfortunately, as it turned out, it turned out that way.

V. Vorsobin:

– But the fact is that this problem is still tough for society.I now invite our listeners to vote. Would you like to see children with disabilities in your child’s classroom? That is, we are all good now, we are all for sick children, but let’s put ourselves in the shoes of parents of healthy children …

Do I understand your position correctly, that not everything is so definite here? That is, our society is actually not yet fully ready to accept these children the way it is accepted in the West?

V. Ryazansky:

– I think there are problems in the west as well.The society must grow up and become more humane all the time. The fact is that if we take our statistics, on which you have just asked people to speak up, they are very alarming. In what sense? Today we have about 640 thousand school-age children in the Russian Federation with similar health deviations, and the trend, unfortunately, is growing. I will not go into details of a medical and social nature, but we are faced with this case – as they say, in Moscow there are 3340 such births a year.And, of course, not only the material infrastructure should prepare for such changes in society, but society should also prepare. And be able to react to this kind of objective reality. And the question that you ask about inclusion, about inclusive education in schools, if we also digress from the purely humanitarian specifics of this issue, then imagine a math lesson. There are 30 people in the class and 2-3 people working in inclusion with Twitter. All this requires certain skills of the teacher, teaching the lesson, when you need to have time to do everything both with ordinary children and with children who need additional help.

V. Vorsobin:

– But here the children get a very interesting lesson that they will not get anywhere else. If they study next to special children, they will receive much more for themselves than even this unfortunate child will receive.

We have a lot of calls. Anton phoned us from St. Petersburg. We listen to you.


– Good afternoon. I would like to say that the question is incorrectly posed. you say – would you like? No, I personally would not want to.But if one of these children studied with my children, no problem. I would help something, explain something to my own, etc. Something like this.

V. Vorsobin:

– Thank you. Well, then so – would it be permissible for you? Valery Vladimirovich, we have just touched on the topic of education, tell me, please, does it give a lot to healthy children, too? Contact with sick children is a whole literature lesson. Here we teach the humanism of children, to somehow empathize with other people. But please, if there is peace in the classroom, if there is no division into healthy and sick, this will help both.It will be a big school.

V. Ryazansky:

– Here I am not going to argue with you, I absolutely agree with you, only I, as a legislator, have to resolve issues, as they say, on both sides of the dispute. Why? Because here we are expressing, first of all, not a personal point of view, but the point of view, in a sense, of that state regulator, which determines – but what to do? Because how is it going in life? A child gets a job at school – an ordinary child, at first glance, well, slows down a little, lags a little behind there in the first, in the second … but when in the third or fourth, closer to the fifth grade, it becomes clear that the child does not keep up with the program, the child begins to have complexes.Naturally, the reaction of schoolchildren, as they say, is not always kind. What are parents doing? They, of course, begin to worry and look for ways to resolve this issue. And if earlier the solution was very simple – the transfer of the child to a correctional school, which differs in that there are special educational programs, there is a reduced number of children in the class, there are special methods that gradually prepare the child to study in high school – and they they are already beginning to study like ordinary guys.But in a sense, a hasty passion for inclusion has led to the fact that we have reduced a large number of correctional schools. Today, this is noticeable in Moscow, and the only city that has not reduced correctional schools is St. Petersburg. And the second region that has not reduced correctional schools is Dagestan. Why? Because there are simply no such schools there. And in this regard, all other regions have decreased very decently. They joined an ordinary school, somehow modernized, but, nevertheless, two-thirds of the regions were reduced.This is bad. As a result, inclusion did not work and correctional schools were cut.

V. Vorsobin:

– Wait. You say it didn’t work out. And how can you understand what did not work out?

V. Ryazansky:

– Today there are 9 inclusive education programs. Of these, four children easily fit into inclusion. And five children each require additional training in order to then work in the inclusive education system.That is, someone has to do it. Therefore, about such general considerations, we must nevertheless move on to some specific regulatory things, because training is a strict thing. This is the program, this is the teacher’s ability to work, this is the assistant’s ability to work in the classroom with the child and with the rest of the class. Therefore, today we proceed from the fact that the correction that should exist and give an opportunity for both children with inclusion to learn, just as if inclusive education suddenly does not work out, then correctional education should work and be carried out in this moment.

V. Vorsobin:

– I understand. But there is a social layer of very aggressive people … I will quote. From Moscow they write: “Recently, an autistic boy threw his newborn sister out of the window. Can this be called simple human joys? ” “And then someone will be afraid that such a sunny child has hit someone’s child with a swing over the head or thrown a stone in the eye.” “I worked with autistic children and would not let my daughter go to see them with a gun, because you don’t know what to expect from them,” they write to us from the USA, DC.“It’s one thing when a child is disabled, for example, a wheelchair user, but when there are problems with the head, there is absolutely no need for normal children to communicate with them.” It seems to me that there are more problems in these opinions than in all inclusive education, because one pulls the other. Julia from Krasnodar, hello.


– Hello. Here, of course, this woman, like a grandmother, can be understood, but the behavior, of course, is completely incorrect. And to say such words to children – you can’t do that.She does not know at all what will happen to her children tomorrow and who will become an invalid of us – it is never clear at all. I have three children, one of them has cerebral palsy. My daughter does not see well, but she hears in such a way that we will simply never reach the level of her hearing in our life. And these children develop exactly under normal conditions. We are constantly rehabilitating ourselves – she is 5.5 years old. But for the last year we went to a regular inclusive kindergarten. Everything was great with us. I was worried that she would not roll back.But she did not roll back, on the contrary, she developed even better than when I take her to rehabilitation centers for rehabilitation. And I want to say that it is very disappointing that there are few opportunities, few kindergartens, few schools with the possibility of inclusion. Sometimes they look at me and ask – what is a tutor, etc. – exactly those people who should know this. And, unfortunately, everyone can have children with special needs …

V. Vorsobin:

– That is, on the one hand, this story is in St. Petersburg, where society was simply breastfeeding autistic children from an angry woman , which demanded to expel these children from the playground.On the other hand, the question still remains, is our society ready to accept these unfortunate children (after all, they are unhappy, of course) so that they feel like family inside it, warmed up, so that upbringing goes in parallel with ordinary children?

A question for our radio listeners. Would you accept the fact if a child with a developmental disability was in your child’s class?

Valery Vladimirovich, just now the mother of one of these children called, and she said a very correct thing.In principle, she emphasized my idea that children with special needs develop better among ordinary children. And the only question remains – is our society ready? Now some are writing: “My mother told me, the teachers said: don’t go under the windows of the special school, sometimes chairs fall from there”. This is the attitude.

V. Ryazansky:

– You know, the world in which we live is very complicated. As a state, we have, as they say, no choice. The question you are asking has an absolutely unambiguous answer.As a state, we are obliged to take this category of children for granted. We are obliged to do this by international treaties, the Constitution and current legislation oblige us to do this. But there is a long way from legislation to the real state of civil society, and it must be covered. And you need to go through it, as they say, not in a jump, but gradually, step by step, doing in such a way that next to us, in ordinary life, in a government institution, in a hospital, in a store, in a cinema, in a theater, there are people with disabilities for health.And so that no one should be surprised, no one should be outraged that there is a queue behind the wheelchair user at the entrance, for example, to the theater.

V. Vorsobin:

– Valery Vladimirovich, what if this mother was punished for pedagogical purposes? Well, not imprisonment, but at least fine fine, show it on television. We love it in Russia.

V. Ryazansky:

– I think that the process itself is a serious lesson for her, if she really thought about it.I do not exclude that she may be a person who is deeply convinced of the opposite. And then, when it comes to the fact that this rejection leads to a violation of the current law, then the relevant articles of the current legislation will be applied. Still, in front of children, adults had to show slightly different parameters in conversations and in their behavior.

V. Vorsobin:

– Excuse me, but what is the fault of the party that was for the children? These teachers, they were just silent and looked at her ironically.She knocked their phones out of their hands. She was hysterical, not theirs. What were these educators guilty of?

V. Ryazansky:

– It’s not that someone is guilty. The fact is that they could not find a common language right away. It was transmitted immediately. And what came of this conflict? Therefore, it seems to me that both sides should still find a common language in this conversation and take the issue beyond the framework of the conflict. Maybe the grandmother who was with her granddaughter would also have reacted correctly.We do not know, maybe, really, the granddaughter was scared. Still, children with such parameters very often show aggression, this happens – outbursts of anger, etc.

I say it again, when we prepare children for adult life … Why do we keep returning to the education system? After all, someone prepares these guys for life. Either these enthusiastic educators who have taken on this function, or the teachers who have inclusion in the class, or they are people who work in correctional schools.I want to tell you that when we talk about 640,000 schoolchildren with health disabilities in this area, we must not forget that we still have a very large part of preschool children who today also require the same attention. And my mother, as I understand it, is from Krasnodar, who appealed both to us and to the authorities that there should be more such institutions in which there is a civilized, good and solid inclusion. And in this regard, I basically translate conversations into this very plane.

V. Vorsobin:

– Valery Vladimirovich, I am very glad that there is such an opportunity to talk about this story. Why? Because, if you remember, a year and a half or two years ago there was a similar story in Moscow. There, the same lady tried to evict children with cancer from the apartment.

V. Ryazansky:

– Yes, I remember.

V. Vorsobin:

– They were there for some time in a rented apartment. Moreover, it was some kind of senior in the entrance, and she dreamed that these children could infect everyone else with cancer.That is, such darkness exists in the heads of our people, and we often underestimate its size. I am now watching how the vote is going and am already impressed with the results of the vote.

We are in touch Sergey Zinovievich Kazarnovsky, Honored Teacher of Russia, director of the Klass-Center school .

Sergey Zinovievich, you have a lot of experience in communicating with special children, they study in your school, you know this problem from the inside. Tell me, is Russia ready for healthy and special children to meet at school?


– It seems to me that at the very beginning it was rightly said that readiness, unpreparedness is one question. Or rather, even so. By and large, of course not. But this is a long process that must take place. It is clear that there are legislative bases, and there is a lot to be said about this, but even in the legislative base there are some mistakes, in my opinion. For 30 years I have been a school principal, for the last 20 years I have been very closely involved in learning in the general educational environment … This year, for example, I have two girls with Down syndrome graduating from the 9th grade.After 9th grade, they had to go to college and had their final exams. They study in a general education class.

But inclusion does not happen at the desk, it takes place in adjacent territories, where, for example, dancing, music, painting and something like that take place. She sits at a desk with a tutor, and it is difficult to expect that something will happen here. By the way, the playground is a great place where inclusion and connection can take place. Other children come up and say hello.They do not yet understand that she behaves somehow not quite usually. But this is a question of education, it is a long question.

V. Vorsobin:

– Wait. Parents say to this: “And we do not want to risk the health of our children. And if a child comes up to this, and he hits him with something? ” In their opinion, they are insane.

S. Kazarnovsky:

– I heard that. But this is a process, this is a technology. Any business has technology. Here comes a person to the classroom, sits down.For this I have been building this story for a long time. We were a companion in the Theater of the Young Spectator and helped in a play where people with disabilities take part. Then I took a wheelchair teacher to school. At first she was like an alien among them, then they began to be rude to her. Then these children slowly began to appear. And when the teachers told me that I should warn the parents that such a child would be studying in their class, I said: “No way.” And on September 1, this girl was in the class with all the children. After 3 years, one mother could not stand it and said: “Why didn’t you warn us on September 1 that we would have such a child?” I said, “From your point of view, I should have said how many Jews, Muslims and others will be in your class? By law, she is an equal citizen and has the right. “And then the element of enlightenment begins. Well, we have such a country, we live in it, some people understand this, others do not understand. To say that the whole country will be kicked out of the playground … Nothing of the kind. Thousands of people are adopting children.

V. Vorsobin:

– We have in touch Evelina Bledans, theater and film actress . Evelina, you communicate a lot with special children.

E. Bledans:

– Of course, I communicate. I have a charitable foundation for helping people with special needs “We are all different”, my son Semyon is sitting next to me, and now he is swimming in the Black Sea in Sochi.I am, of course, shocked by this situation. Such abscesses of society were opened through this Natalia, this grandmother, who hysterically shouted that these children should be sent to quarantine, to another site. It seemed to me that a little more, and she would say that they should be exiled altogether somewhere farther away, to a desert island, or even destroyed. It was a manifestation of just incredible aggression. I do not understand what could have caused such aggression.

V. Vorsobin:

– Evelina, don’t you understand? Don’t you feel that part of Russian society wants exactly what you described initially? To send them away, so that the eyes would not see them.You were ironic, but it’s true.

E. Bledans:

– I don’t know which part of society you are talking about now. I posted a post on my Instagram page, Olga Orlova did it, Katya Varnava did it. In these posts, everyone in the region has 10 thousand comments. And if there is 1 percent of them, and then you need to look for him, who will say that they need to be sent, etc. Therefore, thank you, Lord, such a manifestation from this Natalia is still isolated cases. I disagree with you that this is a large part of society.No no and one more time no.

V. Vorsobin:

– How is this society changing? Do you feel in relation to children, is it still changing for the better or is it frozen?

E. Bledans:

– You know, thank God, 9 years of Semyon Semin’s life have absolutely transformed this country. Indeed, what you have now suggested is such an opinion, it was, relatively speaking, 8 years ago and was still blooming with a bright color. Now, due to the fact that we work a lot in the propaganda plan, of course, society is changing.We see these people, we see these children. March 21, International Day of the Person with Down Syndrome, on all federal channels, on all radio stations, everywhere there are stories about our children. It’s the same on Disabled Person’s Day. And so these people can now be seen, they can go to the sites. Because, indeed, 8-9 years ago there were the majority of these Natasha from St. Petersburg, unfortunately, but by our own example we were convinced that society can be re-educated.

V. Vorsobin:

– And already seen from the reviews.Thank you, Evelina. Sergei Zinovievich, tell me what to do with the voting results? Let me voice them. The question was: are you ready for children with disabilities to study in your child’s class? “Yes” – 55%, “no” – 45%. Moreover, those who do not want this write that you cannot force children to play with them, you cannot force them to study, you do not need to force anything. This is the general message of those who say they would not want to. How to deal with this? And how did you solve this problem in your school?


– I want to say again that this was done very slowly. For example, every June 1, Children’s Day, we organized such a bunch of children, where children came with our children … Such was the school in Moscow, it still exists, distance learning for children. We invited the theater of deaf children from Nizhny Novgorod, the Paralympians came. Step by step, such a life suddenly happened. This is a possible move, but this technology is long, this is understandable. Parents got used to it, etc.It doesn’t happen overnight. Enter the class now. Of course, people have prejudices about this. And if we talk about what percentage (45), I think it is an excellent percentage. Because 5 years ago, at the cultural forum in St. Petersburg, the figure was called 90% of people who are not ready for this. Therefore, I think the numbers are excellent now.

We live in an aggressive environment, whatever you say. An aggressive environment in chemistry is when concrete turns into sand, metal – into paper. We live in it.This must be resisted somehow. Only humanism. But when a wonderful actress speaks about what we see on the federal channel and so on, but we do not see them on the street. We do not see that there were electric trains that would have a special entrance for the disabled. They cannot move in the subway. Have you seen someone on the streets of Moscow or other cities. In Evpatoria you will see them in bulk, because there they are treated, but here you will not see them anywhere. This simply does not exist.

I organized special camps where there were children with cerebral palsy and our children.They danced in the evening – some in a wheelchair, others differently. And then something happens. This is a very important thing. These are not words that the action is taking place on TV and we will all be talking. It’s all nothing. It should take to the streets.

V. Vorsobin:

– Valery Vladimirovich, a question for you as a deputy. We have many laws to insult the feelings of believers, etc. Shouldn’t we accept the law about the feelings of these special people? Why not punish for such attacks as it was in St. Petersburg?


– There is such a law. And if the Investigative Committee finds application of this article, then Natalia from St. Petersburg can be punished.

V. Vorsobin:

– Thank you.

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Great love stories. Russian noblewoman and Thai prince – Life – theater – December 5 – 43148122728

The fiery feeling that suddenly flared up between the sister of mercy Ekaterina Desnitskaya and the prince of Siam (the outdated name of Thailand) Chakrabon, became the beginning of the tale of love of a simple foreigner and heir to the throne, who for that to be together I had to go through many trials.The future wife of the Thai king, Ekaterina Desnitskaya, was born into a poor Lutsk noble family and lost her parents quite early: her father died when the girl was barely 2 years old, and she lost her mother at 17. A year later, together with their mother and brother, they moved to their grandparents in Kiev. They lived very poorly. Nevertheless, Katya received a good education: she studied at the Fundukleevskaya gymnasium, which was the first women’s gymnasium in the Russian Empire.

Left without maternal care, Katya moved to St. Petersburg, where her brother Ivan lived and studied at the university.

Finding herself in the capital, but not having sufficient financial resources, Katya entered the nursing courses.

Chakrabon – the first Siamese prince who learned Russian

Prince Chakrabon ended up in St. Petersburg thanks to the warm relationship between his father, King Rama V and Emperor Nicholas II, who suggested that his Siamese colleague send one of his sons to study in Russia.

In 1898, Chakrabon was enrolled as a cadet in the Corps of Pages, after which he continued to master military wisdom at the Academy of the General Staff.He showed himself as a diligent and capable student, quickly mastered the Russian language. Prince Chakrabon with a friend and their tutor during his studies in the Corps of Pages.

The prince and his friend became the first immigrants from Siam to speak Russian. Upon graduation from the corps, he was promoted to an officer in the Life Guards of His Majesty’s Hussar Regiment. Then he decided to continue his studies and entered the Academy of the General Staff. Education was undoubtedly an important part of his life, but there were also balls. And one of these balls changed radically changed his fate and became fateful for him.

The red-haired beauty Ekaterina Desnitskaya and Prince Chakrabon met by chance at one of the social events organized in 1904 by the widow Elizaveta Khrapovitskaya. A charity ball that turned the life of two people from different cultures

Graceful Katya turned his head under the spell of the heir Asian appearance and fine manners.

She collected donations, and the prince fell in love with her at first sight. Every day he came to her house in a rented room in a tenement house, which he shared with his brother.He asked for the hand of her brother, and instead of the expected consent, the girl announced to him the date of departure to the front and a categorical refusal.

Katerina was honest and simply said that her duty called her – to help those in need. And this help was appreciated: she became a knight of the St. George Cross (one of four women who received such an award during the Russo-Japanese War). But this happened later, and while Desnitskaya left for the Far East with a mobile hospital, leaving the suffering prince in St. Petersburg.And he was persistent and did not give up the hope that someday he would win her brave heart. And Katyusha appreciated his tenacity. In letters she called him “Lek”, which translated from Thai means “small”. Catherine was in a real, real war, and it seems that he was more and more conquering the love front.

Parting brought them closer together. Filling Katenka with letters, Chakrabon, with his lines full of tenderness and love, helped his beloved cope with the hardships of military service, which was full of dangers.

The desire to be closer to his beloved prompted him to write a petition to the General Staff to send him to the active Manchu army, but for security reasons it was not satisfied.

When Desnitskaya, who was awarded two medals and the Cross of St. George for her courage, returned from the front, Lek, as she affectionately called Chakrabon, invited her to marry him.

However, their path to a happy family life was littered with many obstacles. The Thais, who were wary of foreigners, hardly wanted to see a Russian young lady next to a member of the royal dynasty; moreover, a centuries-old tradition dictated to Siamese princes the rule to marry girls only from extensive relatives.

Ready to withstand the difficulties of adaptation and endure hostility from her husband’s relatives, Desnitskaya, in turn, expressed a desire to get married according to the Orthodox tradition, for which the Buddhist Chakrabon was baptized. The prince was madly in love with Catherine, so he agreed to these conditions, and she accepted his offer. From this circumstance, another obligation of the prince followed – he abandoned polygamy in favor of monogamy. And the lovers went to Constantinople, where they got married in the strictest secrecy.Chakrabon wrote to his brother Katherine: “We were modestly married in the Greek church. It was very difficult to organize complete secrecy. If my parents find out about the wedding, a great scandal will break out. It is unheard of for a Siamese prince, the son of the only Bumist monarch, to be married in a Christian church. ”

Having agreed on all the points, Catherine and Chakrabon entered into a marriage alliance in one of the churches of Constantinople and, after their honeymoon in Egypt, went to mysterious Siam.

Singapore seat Chakrabon family: Rama V and Saovabha with sons

In order to prepare relatives for the stunning news, the prince came home alone, leaving his wife in Singapore.Catherine spent three weeks in ignorance, until the returned Chakrabon told her that her parents categorically refused to recognize their marriage, deprived him of a significant part of his maintenance and appointed him to a post of head of a military school, which was not prestigious for his rank. The only person who supported the prince was his older brother Wachirawood. Katya writes to her brother Ivan: “Now I am beginning to realize my future, and it does not appear to me in a rosy light. My husband was right when he warned in St. Petersburg that it would be a great sacrifice on my part – to go with him without permission. “

Having moved to Bangkok and settled in the Paruskavan Palace, the newlyweds led a happy but lonely life. Prince Chakrabon Palace in Bangkok This continued until the wisdom and humility of the Russian beauty, who had managed to learn the Thai language and customs, melted the heart of the Queen Mother … The castle was surrounded by a large garden in which the princess planted flowers. The forced retreat helped her learn Thai. The behavior of the prince’s wife is highly appreciated. She retreated into the shadows, without pretending to anything.The Queen expressed a desire for Katya to wear outfits in which it is customary for Siamese women to walk. Katya took the chance and asked her mother-in-law for help in choosing the fabric to her taste. As a result, a few days later the Queen visited her daughter-in-law. Thus, Queen Saovabha de facto recognized the wife of her son, who began to be called Na Pitsanulok (since Chakrabon was the prince of Phitsanulok, a province in northern Thailand – approx.) And was happily expected in all metropolitan societies. The expulsion did not last long, soon Chakrabon was appointed field marshal of the General Staff of the Thai army.

The best gift that Catherine gave to the royal dynasty was the birth of her son Chula. With the advent of the baby, all the thoughts and unrestrained love of the grandmother were devoted to him alone.

When the boy was 2 years old, his grandfather also wished to meet him. Reassured that the appearance of his grandson lacks European features, he sincerely fell in love with him, but could not enjoy communicating with him, because he soon died without seeing the face of his Russian daughter-in-law.

King Vachiravud, who ascended the throne in 1910, de jure recognized Catherine as the wife of Chakrabon, and a trip with her husband across Russia in 1911 awakened her homesickness, which had been vainly suppressed for several years.After this voyage, Katya increasingly began to complain of poor health and shy away from the entertainment that her husband liked. After making another trip home, she finally fell into a blues.

When revolutions were taking place in Russia, Catherine could not find a place for herself due to the lack of operational information, which affected her health, to correct which her husband sent her in 1918 to Japan and Canada.

Receiving letters from her husband, Katya more and more often came across lines in them about how pleasantly his cousin Chavalit brightens up his loneliness.Returning to Siam, Desnitskaya made sure of her suspicions – a 15-year-old rival stole Leka from her, who began to be torn between her two beloved women. In life, it often happens that on the one hand it has arrived, on the other, on the contrary, it has departed. In this case, mores took their toll: Prince Chakrabon was carried away by his cousin, Princess Chavalit. He wanted to make her a second wife. But Catherine was not going to give up her husband so easily, she fought for him. This is what she wrote to him: I ask for one thing – sympathy.Think of me as a sick person whose only cure is you … I still love you. ” Proud Desnitskaya did not want to put up with the fate of the third superfluous, and their marriage soon fell apart.

Catherine gave her husband an ultimatum – he had to choose one of them. Prince Chakrabon asked her to stay and allow him to continue his relationship with another woman. But Katya said: “No.” This was absolutely unacceptable to her.

At the same time, Chakrabon himself refused to choose only Katya.He said that if he did what she wanted, he would be under her control for the rest of his days. That would be the end for him. So in the end he agreed that it was over. That’s the end of the fairy tale.

Without waiting for his decision, on the morning of June 1919, Catherine left Bangkok, and a month later she received divorce documents from Chakrabon. Having settled in Shanghai next to her brother who had fled from Bolshevik Russia, she began to provide assistance to emigrants from the Russian diaspora.

She again visited Siam, having arrived at the funeral of the suddenly deceased ex-husband, whose new wife King Wachirawood did not officially recognize.A few years later, when the prince died, she experienced a lot of negative emotions. She could have saved him if she had stayed. In one of her letters, Katya wrote about this.

The son of Chulu was not given to Catherine, the heir to the throne after the death of his father was sent to study in England. Until he came of age, they had to communicate through letters, in each of which she begged forgiveness from the child for his involuntary orphanhood. Chula is the son of Catherine Desnitskaya and Prince Chakrabon.

Addicted to motorcycle racing in Europe, Chula did not become the ruler of Siam, preferring a career as a professional racer.

Having married the Englishwoman Elizabeth Hunter, he diluted the blood of the Siamese royal dynasty with another foreign drop, as a result of which Desnitskaya’s only granddaughter, Nariza, was born. Chula Chakrabon with his wife Elizabeth Hunter.

Fate had only one meeting between the Russian grandmother and Nariza, and it took place in Paris, where Desnitskaya lived with her second husband, an American, Harry Stone.

The love story of a prince and a Russian noblewoman became legendary: their union was proof that love knows no barriers.But, unfortunately, such strong feelings cannot always last forever. Writers inspired by this story dedicated their works to its heroes, including the following:

“Distant Years” by Konstantin Paustovsky;
“The Jade Elephant” by Galina Vostokova;
“Captions for Pictures” by Viktor Shklovsky.