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Stay faithful: Why Men Cheat and How to Stay Faithful

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Why Men Cheat and How to Stay Faithful

Reliable statistics on the prevalence of unfaithful men are hard to find, but there are a number of reasons why men cheat. Though the reasons can vary from individual to individual, for some cheating men, it seems that they simply don’t feel comfortable in a monogamous relationship.

“Sexual variety is important to many people, and so is keeping hold of the steady and reliable parts of one’s life,” says Daniel Sapen, PhD, an author and psychologist in private practice in Huntington Station, N.Y. “This very often translates into a divided strategy of appeasing and deceiving a partner into believing whatever feels secure, while also being on the hunt for new partners or at least open to new sexual opportunities.”

For these men, Sapen adds, “honesty is less important than the illusion of honesty. They may feel tremendous guilt and cycle back into trying to make it all sweet again. But their basic problem is a refusal to work with their partner honestly on what needs improving.

This is a fairly common issue, Sapen says. In many instances, unfaithful men or sex addicts may turn to cheating to mask other, deeper problems in their relationship. “There are cheaters who do not cheat by habit or opportunity, but because they cannot address what is unsatisfying in their relationships directly,” he explains. “These men have to act out when things are going wrong by getting their pleasure elsewhere.”

For some men, cheating may also fulfill an emotional void or provide an escape from the humdrum routine of everyday life. “Cheating might meet a few needs. The pleasure of the sex is one thing, the excitement of the ‘hunt’ and the novelty is another, and the self-esteem boost coming from being able to ‘score’ with new partners is yet another,” says Sapen. One recent study from the University of Guelph even suggests that men with performance anxiety may seek out extra partners so they can have an “out” if the encounter doesn’t go well.

Warning Signs of Cheating

If you’re worried that you may stray at some point in your relationship there are a few signs you can look out for, says Scott M. Bea, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of medicine at the Cleveland Clinic.

Beware when:

  • You are increasingly interested in flirting with someone new in order to gauge the possibility of establishing a more intimate relationship.
  • You have persistent sexual and romantic fantasies about a particular potential partner.
  • You find yourself inviting or agreeing to meet or dine alone with a person with whom you feel a sexual or romantic attraction.
  • You are beginning to confide in an individual with whom you feel sexual or romantic attraction.
  • You have a history of infidelity coupled with a new opportunity to cheat.

11 Ways to Remain Faithful in a Relationship – Inspiring Tips

Photo by Zun Zun

Faithfulness in a romantic commitment especially if you’ve already been together for a while can be one of the most important qualities that will determine whether a relationship can last or not. This is because, as you add more years to your time of being together, there are moments when you no longer find the same excitement and spark that you used to have with your partner.

Because of these feelings of boredom and lack of interest, people tend to commit mistakes and make decisions that can eventually lead to a devastating and heartbreaking breakup. While becoming unfaithful is a common consequence of trying to find the same excitement and thrill of being in a relationship, it’s the most selfish thing you can do to your partner.

If you want to remain faithful in a relationship, this article will teach you 11 ways on how to stay on the right path and bring back the fun and joy of being in love with your partner once again.

1. Focus on fixing your relationship, not ending it.
Some people struggle with staying faithful in their relationship because of the problems and challenges that they are currently facing. For others, being unfaithful is an escape to the sadness and frustrations that they experience in their own relationship.

If you are in a similar situation, choosing the right perspective is very important. For example, instead of losing hope and thinking of ending your relationship, why don’t you give your love another chance and actually do something to fix what’s broken?

ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Save Your Relationship from a Breakup

2. Rediscover the activities that you used to enjoy together.
You can start by rediscovering the activities, the moments or even the places that remind you how your relationship used to be fun and exciting. You have plenty of options like traveling together, going to the restaurant you went to on your first date, or even just hanging with your most favorite people.

ALSO READ: 10 Fun Ways to Overcome Boredom in Your Relationship

3. Consider how your actions can hurt or harm your partner.
Before deciding to do anything just to forget all the worries that you have in your current relationship, think first about how your actions can hurt or harm your partner’s feelings. Aside from the fact that it’s unfair and selfish, it won’t really solve anything. Instead, it would even add another reason why your relationship couldn’t seem to work.

4. Don’t mistake falling out of love for feelings of boredom.
Are you really not in love anymore or are you just bored? These are two totally different things and mistaking one for the other could lead you to the worst decision of your life.

By recognizing that your feelings for your partner are not actually the problem but your mere lack of exciting and enjoyable experiences, you’ll be able to know how to deal with the situation with more wisdom and understanding.

Photo by Rudy1412

5. Make the decision of loving your partner every day.
Loving someone is a decision that you have to make every day. It’s a constant and consistent willingness to always choose that same person every time you are faced with a question, a doubt or a dilemma.

If you want to stay faithful to your partner, you have to choose them, every day, at every moment and every second that matters the most.

6. Don’t allow yourself to fall in love with someone else.
In relation to the previous section, you have to make sure that you know yourself too well – and you can control and keep your feelings in check. Don’t allow yourself to find happiness and love in someone else – especially if you know that you already have that person who is willing to give these to you, and more.

It’s more about appreciating your partner’s presence and valuing contentment and loyalty as one of the most important qualities of a long-lasting relationship.

7. Be grateful for the person you have right now.
Staying faithful means appreciating the existence and the presence of that person who has decided to stay and be with you through all these years. You’re lucky to have met this kind of person so don’t do anything to take them for granted or make them feel that they are not enough.

8. Don’t let temporary remedies become permanent problems.
Don’t go looking for a faulty solution and expect that they won’t come back and haunt you in the end. While you need to find another source of spark and excitement that can give temporary pleasure and false contentment, there will be no coming back from the damage caused by their consequences – and this includes losing that person who has believed in you and has loved you despite your imperfections.

9. Focus on becoming a better partner for your significant other.
Did it ever occur to you that perhaps, the reason why your relationship lost its spark and magic is that you did not do your part? What if your tendency to be unfaithful comes from the fact that you’re not a good partner?

Most importantly, what if you’re actually the reason why your partner no longer makes an effort to make your days together fun and exciting?

Try to reexamine your role in your relationship and see if you’re doing your part to make the relationship work.

Photo by Paul_Henri

ALSO READ: 10 Signs You’re the Toxic One in Your Relationship and What to Do about it

10. Stop comparing your partner with other people.
Again, appreciate what you have and who you have right now. Stop comparing your relationship and your partner with other people. Instead, focus on what makes your bond and your partnership unique and special. Let these two beautiful things go, and you’ll realize that you can never find anything like it again.

11. Together, bring back the lost magic in your relationship.
You have to remember that you don’t have to do it on your own. Not just because it takes two people to make a relationship work, but also because your partner deserves to know what’s going on.

If you want to stay faithful in your relationship, let your partner in. Let them understand what’s bothering you and together, find a solution.

Staying faithful in a relationship requires a lot of sincere and genuine effort to actually fix the problem at its core. There are reasons why you felt these doubts and uncertainties in the first place so it’s important that you recognize them early on.

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ALSO READ:

How to Be a Loyal Partner in a Relationship: 11 Tips to Remember

 

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Charm is a writer and a student. She is currently completing her Graduate Degree in Language Studies while refining her creativity and related skills through the visual arts: drawing and painting.

How to stay faithful, prevent infidelity: Behaviors that help

We have such good intentions when it comes to monogamy. Vows, promises, commitment pledges and devotion.

Yet, affairs happen all the time.

In surveys, more than 90 percent of people report having had an opportunity to cheat on their partner, and one in two admit to engaging in infidelity at some point, studies have found. It’s still an unforgivable transgression in much of the world: Being unfaithful is the most common predictor of a relationship ending across 160 societies, researchers have reported.

“People care deeply about maintaining monogamy, even when they are often surprised by the attraction they may experience and find their efforts unsuccessful,” Brenda Lee, a psychology researcher at the University of New Brunswick, told TODAY.

“Obviously, many of us are successful in maintaining monogamy to our partners. However, with our best intentions, most of us underestimate the strength of attraction as compared to the strength of our self-control.”

Can infidelity be predicted?

Two recent studies are shedding light on heterosexual people’s behavior when they see an “attractive alternative” enter their lives. How they react automatically in response to this relationship threat may prevent an extramarital affair from developing, though many strategies people employ deliberately don’t actually work.

First, married people who were able to turn their attention away faster from good-looking faces and considered them less appealing than single people did had lower odds of infidelity, a paper published by Florida State University researchers in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found.

The study involved 233 newlywed couples who were regularly asked about any infidelity in their relationship as they were followed over three years.

In one experiment, they were shown photos of both highly attractive and average looking members of the opposite sex as a machine measured how long it took for them to look away when prompted. They were also asked to rate the attractiveness of those faces, and the results were compared to the ratings of those same photos by single people.

Related

It turned out that the married people who didn’t linger on the attractive faces and who “devalued” their attractiveness — or found them less good-looking than the singletons did — minimized the probability of infidelity, the authors wrote. These individuals seemed to be wired to behave this way, acting automatically and needing “little effort or conscious awareness” to do so, the study noted.

At the other end of the spectrum, unfaithful people took longer to turn their attention away from beautiful faces and rated them just as attractive as the singletons did. Having a history of more short-term sexual partners was linked to both behaviors.

But if you have a spouse whose attention lingers on good-looking people, it may not necessarily be a sign of trouble, said lead author Jim McNulty, a psychology professor at Florida State University.

“It can be dangerous for people to police their relationships in this way,” he noted. “There are numerous factors that predict infidelity and this is just one of them.”

Good intentions can still be futile

The vast majority of people — 90 percent — deliberately try to use some way to avoid cheating on their partner, but the most common “monogamy maintenance strategies” don’t prevent infidelity, a study published in the journal Personal Relationships concluded.

Lee, the psychology researcher at the University of New Brunswick, and her co-author surveyed hundreds of heterosexual people about how they tried to resist outside temptation while in a relationship and whether they went on to have an affair.

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About three-quarters used “relationship enhancement” — trying to boost the bond with their partner by looking extra nice, being intimate, going out on dates or buying presents — and “proactive avoidance” — distancing themselves from the attractive threat by avoiding being alone with them or getting to know them.

Slightly fewer used “low self-monitoring and derogation,” or feeling guilty for flirting too much and reminding themselves of the importance of being faithful.

None of these seemed to have much impact on whether the person went on to cheat, suggesting they’re not effective strategies for staying faithful, the authors concluded.

So what works?

Having a conversation about your monogamy expectations and being open about how you’ll deal with being attracted to others can save misunderstanding and frustration, Lee said.

“Many of us assume monogamy when we enter into a committed relationship without actually talking about it with our partners, and what monogamy consists of for partners often differs,” she noted.

And it’s not all futile: People are capable of exerting very high levels of self-control, McNulty added. That said, anyone who finds themselves being extremely tempted by one person in particular may have some soul searching to do, he advised.

“I would venture to guess that infidelity occurs as a series of steps, including putting oneself in situations one shouldn’t be in to begin with. So one way to resist infidelity is to resist putting oneself in such situations. Don’t meet someone out, don’t give out your number,” McNulty said.

Remember: You could be doing everything right and your partner could still be tempted to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the quality of feelings you share, said Dylan Selterman, a social psychologist at the University of Maryland.

Humans are promiscuous, and even if things are going well, that doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s not a desire for more, he noted.

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7 Habits That Keep Couples Faithful, According To Marriage Counselors

Getting cheated on is probably one of the worst things that can happen to you when you’re in a relationship. Even if you make the choice to leave, it’s hard to get over the feelings of betrayal infidelity usually leaves you with. Although there are no ways to predict what will happen in your relationship, cheating doesn’t have to be one of them. But luckily, marriage counselors say you can learn how to keep your partner from cheating.

Experts say that this doesn’t mean you should employ manipulative tactics, but rather devote the time and care into your relationship to make sure your partner knows how you feel. “Everyone is susceptible to an affair because we need this connection. We need to feel like we matter, are cared for, and loved by our partner,” Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist, Jessica Schroeder, tells Bustle. “I have seen really great marriages become affected by affairs because the emotional connection has gone away. We need to work at maintaining the emotional connection every day in our marriage.”

Relationships, like anything of importance in life, take serious work. If you’re not staying connected through communication or other means, experts say your relationship won’t last. It won’t matter whether someone cheated or not. So if you want to keep fidelity part of your relationship, here’s what you should do, according to marriage counselors.

1

Be Honest About What You Need

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“Couples who are open with each other create a more secure environment for their partners,” Judi Cinéas, PhD, psychotherapist and marriage counselor, tells Bustle. Many times, people stray from their relationships because they’re searching for something they just don’t get at home. “Fostering open communication allows you and your partner to know each other and know each other’s wants and needs,” Cinéas says. “It also creates a space where your partner can communicate their desires.”

2

Be Open-Minded

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Although Cinéas says that doesn’t mean you have to go along with anything sexual you’re not comfortable with, it’s important to not shut your partner down down or judge them. Show that you are listening, and keep an open discussion about what can work for the both of you.

“Keep an open mind to nurture excitement in your relationship,” she says. “You don’t necessarily have to go against your values or give up your dealbreakers. It simply means that you will listen and continue to work with your partner to keep things exciting.”

3

Be Mindful To Never Put Them Down

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Don’t ever use your partner’s faults, flaws, or insecurities against them in any way, especially during fights. “If your partner asks for something, even if you are not willing to give that to them, don’t make the feel bad for asking and don’t hold it against them ever,” Cinéas says. Opening up and being vulnerable requires a lot of risk. “If they know that telling you certain things could change the way you see them, they may be less willing to share in the future.” Always make sure you’re letting your partner know you value them.

4

Share Experiences Together

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Sharing experiences in and out of the bedroom can strengthen the bond you have together. “The strength of your bond can impact how or even whether or not you and your needs are considered in your partner’s decisions, choices and behaviors,” Cinéas says.

5

Keep Your Relationship And Your Partner A Priority

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People often stray when they’re in search of the validation that they’re desired, Cinéas says. Typically, those feelings of passion and desire are super prevalent in the beginning of the relationship when everything’s new. If you want to limit the risk of your partner cheating, maintain the passion in your relationship by making your partner feel like they’re a priority in your life. “Helping to meet that need to be desired can remove what is often cited a reason for infidelity,” she says.

6

Always Respect Yourself And Your Partner

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Respect for yourself and your partner are also very crucial to maintaining a relationship, Cinéas says. If you don’t respect your partner, you’ll lose them. It’s that simple. If you’re not giving them the respect they need, they’re more likely to look for it elsewhere.

7

Don’t Get Complacent

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“Don’t think that just because you think everything is going great, your partner feels the same,” Lesli Doares, marriage counselor and author, tells Bustle. Make sure to keep talking about what’s working and what, if anything, needs tweaking in your relationship. “This conversation needs to be had regularly but is critical after any major change i.e. a move, new job, or the birth of a child.” Never stop putting in the effort to deepen and strengthen your relationship.

Getting cheated on is never your fault. According to Doares, even if you’ve found a good partner, any relationship can become vulnerable to cheating. It’s just important to never take your partner or your relationship for granted. Life can get in the way sometimes and your relationship can be put on the back-burner. But if you make the commitment to stay connected and communicate well, you can reduce the risk of infidelity in your relationship.

8 Ways To Stay Faithful To Someone You Love In The Hook-Up Culture

Despite what most people seem to think, falling in love does not guarantee loyalty – from either party.

Falling in love doesn’t even guarantee staying in love, so even if the apple of your eye is the only apple you see, it doesn’t guarantee that you won’t want to have an orange some time down the line.

Love is a living, breathing thing that requires constant attention and nurturing.

With that said, it’s easily understandable that there will come a time when your loyalty is tested.

There will be a time when you will have to make a decision to either remain faithful or have a bite of the forbidden fruit.

The only real advice is to do whatever it is that you want to do. Only be sure that you know what it is that you want to do. Most people want to stay loyal, but have difficulty continuously find a reason to do so. Here are eight ways to help you make the right decision:

Accept the fact that you will always find other people attractive.

People do not get uglier the second you find yourself in a relationship. Hell, if anything they get more attractive over time, as people are attracted to novelty.

If you’ve been sleeping with the same person for years and years, guess what – that 5 starts looking like a 7 because, although you’ve been having a 9 or 10 daily for the last half decade, you miss the unknown.

We like mystery. We like variety. We like to have our cake and eat it too. This will never change.

Therefore, your only options are to either be a cheater and risk breaking your lover’s heart, to break up with your partner, or to figure out a way to accept reality as it is and continue to love the person who has been there for you for the longest time.

Remember that most people are really bad in bed.

Most people either don’t know up from down or don’t care enough to bother joining in on all the fun. I speak from experience.

Living in New York for all these years and mingling with women from all over the world, I can tell you for a fact that most of the sex you’re going to have will not be worth having.

Even if the person isn’t especially bad in bed, if you don’t have that connection, then the sex will always be subpar. The best sex is when you both feel that you own a piece of the other person.

This requires both individuals to open up and allow themselves to be taken. This is rarely the case with one-offs.

Understand why it is that you love that someone, what that person means to you and why you can’t lose him or her.

I will give you a piece of advice that I wish someone gave me when I was in my early 20s and head-over heels in love: Logic is your very best friend.

I know that it may sounds backwards, but if you think about it, the only way to have control while partaking in the insanity that is love, is to look at things as objectively as possible.

Sometimes you need to put your emotions and feelings aside and consider what exactly is going on, why it’s happening, and what you should do to get the result that you want.

Most importantly, you need to know what it is that you want and why you want it. If there is an ideal – a true ideal – then aim for that and nothing else.

Avoid putting yourself in compromising situations. Just say no. For example, I recently started seeing someone and although I can’t say it’s especially serious just yet, I don’t want to put myself in a situation in which I jeopardize the possibility of something serious emerging.

For this reason, when half an hour ago I got asked by an old fling to “come party” I said no. Was she explicitly asking for sex? No. Is there a possibility she would have expected things to go that way? Sure. So you say “no” and go about your business.

If you do find yourself in such a situation, then don’t do anything rash.

Go “use the bathroom” if you have to, but take two minutes to think about the consequences of the actions you’re about to take. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, especially if you’re under the influence.

It’s very difficult to say “no” when you have an incredibly sexy man or woman in front of you starting to undress, beckoning you between the sheets.

So, you leave the room, take a few deep breaths, and decide what it is that you ought to do. Use reason to figure out if an hour of bliss is worth ruining what you’ve built over the years. If it is, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person anyway.

Masturbate.

No, seriously. Go pop one off – ladies just as well – and then decide whether or not you still feel like cheating. I’m not going to lie… this method has saved me from making some poor judgment calls over the years.

We all have those people in our phones who we can text at anytime and have them come over. Unfortunately, they’re rarely, if ever, people we especially want to sleep with. During moments of weakness, we may consider contacting them.

In such cases, you simply need to take care of business yourself and watch your problem fade. I’m sure the same works when you’re in a relationship and someone you’d actually enjoy sleeping with contacts you.

When you’re horny, you’re horny. Rub one or two off and you’ll likely not feel like getting out of bed. Or, better yet, f*ck your lover instead.

Never stop trying to impress your lover.

Stay curious both inside and outside of the bedroom. Do you know the difference between loving your mother and loving your man or woman? Passion.

You should be sure never to confuse or combine the two. Passion is what turns regular love into romantic love. Our lovers don’t want to be loved the way you love your best friend or your sister/brother.

They want you to be passionately in love with them. They want you to tear their clothes off and consume them whole. They don’t want to be your friend, they want to be a part of you. Don’t allow your curiosity to fade because when you do, you’re ruining everything.

Life isn’t worth living when you are no longer curious to see how it all works, to see what you can do and how far you can push. The very same goes for your love life.

Just don’t do it.

Insane concept – I know. The truth is that you are in control of your own actions. You are in control of the decisions you make and what results from them.

You design your life and guide your destiny.

There are plenty of things in life that you have absolutely no control over – your decisions, thankfully, are not included in that list. If you want to be loyal then just be loyal. It’s the only reason you need.

Maybe, instead of spending so much time worrying about whether or not you should cheat, whether or not you are “truly” in love with this person, and whether or not the relationship is going anywhere, you should take some time to be a part of the relationship.

Some questions can’t be answered by reason alone. Some you need to live through to find. Be with that person or don’t be, but don’t cheat. It’s immoral.

For More Of His Thoughts And Ramblings, Follow Paul Hudson On Twitter And Facebook.

Top Reasons Spouses Stay Faithful

Marriage is designed to be a covenant. A sacred relationship of love, trust, and respect. A pairing unlike any other in terms of devotion, and commitment, designed to last a lifetime.

Unfortunately, many marriages end in divorce—which is never the intention when a couple heads down the aisle to profess their vows till death do they part. So what accounts for these statistics?

Red Flags and Green Lights

There are many circumstances in a couple´s life that cause the bloom to leave the rose. There are also, however, factors that predispose partners to remain faithful. Thankfully, both warning signs and positive indicators are usually perceptible early on in a relationship.

In deciding whether a particular pairing is really a match made in heaven, research reveals some of the factors that make it more likely a marriage will survive, and thrive.

Motivation for Faithfulness

One of the most devastating events that occur within marriage is infidelity. Most spouses-to-be are justifiably wary of certain traits and characteristics that might predict a wandering eye or the disrespect of marriage vows. But are couples who are considering walking down the aisle together equally attuned to factors that indicate faithfulness?

Research illuminates some of the traits and characteristics that predict both scenarios. Studies do indeed reveal the reasons people cheat on romantic partners. Thankfully, there is also a growing body of research revealing traits and proclivities that make couples more likely to stay faithful.

In a piece entitled “I Swear I Will Never Betray You,” (2018), Ido Ziv et al. discovered some of the reasons spouses stay faithful.[i]Using a questionnaire, they examined moral theories, interdependence theory, and investment theory in relation to different characteristics of couples and individuals with regard to religiosity, gender, and length of marriage.

A total of 423 participants were presented with 29 reasons to resist the temptation to engage in infidelity, and asked to rank their perceived importance. They were also asked how likely they were to engage in extramarital sex if they had the opportunity. Results indicated that factors that decreased the likelihood of straying were being religious, female, and married for a lesser amount of time.

They also found that among the factors related to the manner in which participants made conscious decisions, fear of being alone and moral standards predicted anticipated faithfulness more than concern for one´s counterpart or effects on children.

Weighing Costs and Benefits

Infidelity has consequences. Wouldn´t it be great if partners took the time to think through potential consequences before making the decision to be unfaithful?Thankfully, research indicates that indeed, some couples do.

Menelaos Apostolou and Rafaella Panayiotou, in a piece entitled, “The Reasons That Prevent People from Cheating on Their Partners,” (2019), developed what they describe as an “evolutionary theoretical framework” which helps explain why partners remain faithful.[ii]They identified 47 reasons people might decide not to cheat, classified them into 8 groups of factors and 2 broad domains. Of interest is the practicality of the two broad domains: the potential cost of infidelity, and the benefits of one´s current relationship.

Gender and Personality

Apostolou and Panayiotou found that women reportedly were more likely to be faithful than men, particularly when they were satisfied in their current relationship, and because they reported they would feel guilty if they cheated on their partners.

Why the gender difference? The authors suggest the answer lies within the respective perception of benefits and costs. They explain that within their proposed theoretical framework, “the cost of cheating could be potentially higher for women due to their partners’ reactions and the social stigma, while its benefit could be potentially higher for men due to the increase in access to sexual partners.”

Regarding personality traits, the authors found correlations between likelihood to stray and traits of conscientiousness, and openness. Specifically, they found that participants who scored higher in conscientiousness were less likely to cheat, while participants who scored higher in openness were more likely to cheat. The authors define openness as being associated with a desire to try new things and have novel experiences.

Getting to Know You

Obviously, there is no study that can accurately predict faithfulness in every case. But as research continues to uncover traits and considerations that predict both fidelity and infidelity, it is worthwhile to move slowly when considering tying the knot. Taking the time to get to know a prospective partner is a valuable investment in the long run considering the consequences of making the wrong choice.

Although there is no crystal ball, there do appear to be factors to consider in order to improve the odds of a successful pairing, in the hopes of achieving a happy, healthy, long marriage.

What Makes Most Partners Remain Faithful

Source: Christal1/Flickr

Research suggests that between 11 percent and 69 percent of North Americans in a long-term relationship have cheated on their spouse.

This is a sizable proportion, and so it should not be surprising that psychologists are interested in discovering why people cheat.

Still, most studies indicate that the vast majority of us do not cheat. Research into the reasons why people remain faithful may be overdue.

Menelaos Apostelou and Rafaella Panayiotou of the University of Nicosia in Cyprus decided to correct this oversight, in their paper published this month in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

Apostelou and Panayiotou began by considering the reasons people might cheat, in the hope that this might shed some light on why some do not. Some people cheat because they want to leave their current partner, but do not feel confident to do so until they have found a new partner. Others, perhaps also sensing their relationship is coming to an end, dip their toes into the pool of potential partners to get a better idea of their own attractiveness.

There may also be gendered advantages to cheating. For example, while women are constrained in the number of offspring they can produce by the necessity of a lengthy pregnancy, men can have offspring with as many fertile women as they can woo. Therefore, this may be a motivation for men (or at least for our male ancestors, who lived and loved in the days before contraception). Meanwhile, because men are less demanding of physical attractiveness in a short-term rather than a long-term partner, women are better able to compete for sexual access to highly attractive men if they don’t demand that those men commit to a relationship. So, women may be motivated to cheat on their less attractive spouses if they can expect a fling with a hottie.

But cheating is risky, and people are probably less likely to stray if there is a good chance they will be caught (they may suffer violence or reputational damage) or if cheating is too costly (it takes too much time, effort, or money).

These costs are also likely to be gendered, with women more likely than men to be assaulted or murdered by a long-term partner who suspects infidelity and a greater stigma attached to women who cheat.

Forty-Seven Reasons

Apostelou and Panayiotou interviewed 40 men and women about why a person might choose not to cheat on their partner. After discarding duplicate or similar reasons, the researchers were left with a list of 47 reasons. These reasons were as diverse as “I love my partner” to “I have not met someone attractive enough to do it” and “I fear my partner would do the same.”

To impose some sort of order on this exhaustive list, the psychologists then asked almost 600 new volunteers to review the 47 reasons and rate how likely each would be to deter them from cheating on their own partners.

This method allowed Apostelou and Panayiotou to see which reasons tended to go together. They found that the 47 reasons reliably clustered into eight groups—or overarching reasons—for not cheating.

The Faithful Eight

The most important reason why people choose not to cheat is that they are satisfied with their current relationship. People whose partners treated them well, who didn’t want to hurt their partner, or who didn’t want to risk destroying their relationship were the most confident that they would not cheat.

The next most important reason was that cheating would induce feelings of guilt. People who didn’t want to lie or live a double-life, who would feel ashamed or that they had betrayed their partner, were strongly against cheating.

These two reasons were also the only reasons for which Apostelou and Panayiotou found a sex difference: Women were more likely than men to report not wanting to cheat because they were satisfied with their relationship and didn’t want to feel guilty.

The third most important reason was a fear of retaliatory infidelity—that cheating might lead the partner to cheat, too. The fourth reason was a lack of provocation or a triggering event. These people said they didn’t cheat, because their partner hadn’t given them cause, or they hadn’t been tempted.

The fifth strongest reason was a fear of the partner’s reaction should the cheater be caught, and the sixth was a fear of public shame, perhaps because of social or religious norms prohibiting infidelity.

The seventh reason for not cheating was a fear of trouble, such as the discomfort of confessing to the partner or to relatives and friends, or even a fear of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. And the final and least important reason was fear of social stigma, what a person worried their wider social group or society would think of them.

It is clear that many of the reasons are similar: The four lowest-ranked reasons are concerned with the reactions of others and of the cheater’s feelings about the reactions of others. It is surprising that the effects of gender were not more prevalent. For example, we might expect that women would be more concerned by their partner’s reaction and by social stigma, but this did not appear to be the case.

Apostelou and Panayiotou also point out that “people may not have an accurate understanding of the reasons which prevent them from cheating,” which, if true, might mean that the original list of 47 reasons was not complete or entirely accurate.

Nevertheless, it is perhaps reassuring to know that your partner is least likely to cheat on you if you’re kind and supportive. And people say relationships are complicated.

Facebook image: LightField Studios/Shutterstock

90,000 Stay true to the dreams of your youth ▷ Socratify.Net

SIMILAR QUOTES

SIMILAR QUOTES

Be yourself – the world adores originals.

Ingrid Bergman (4)

In youth you compare everything with your dreams, in old age – with your memories.

Edouard Herriot (20+)

Don’t let your dreams be just dreams.

Unknown author (1000+)

Don’t get old, I ask you, dear …

Mom, stay forever young

Unknown author (1000+)

One must learn to love oneself – with a healthy and holy love, in order to remain true to oneself and not to lose oneself.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra (Friedrich Nietzsche) (500+)

We ourselves became those guys whom we wanted to marry in our youth.

Sharon Stone (30+)

Loyalty is such a rarity and such a value. This is not an innate feeling: to be faithful. This is the solution!

Unknown author (1000+)

Someday you will be told that they are wiping your feet about your kindness. Do not believe. Stay kind. After all, good is simple, and it saves the world.

Unknown author (1000+)

Only those who are true to themselves can be true to others.

Erich Fromm (50+)

Today I laugh more often than I did in my youth. It seems that I began to judge people less harshly.

Robert De Niro (40+)

Always be true to yourself

Few of us are truly true to ourselves, follow our own desires and are guided by our value system. Very often we live not at all the way we want and dream.We are not doing what makes us happy and what we planned earlier. How to be true to yourself, find your own path and follow your own dream?

Putting your own interests at the center of life is a great luxury in life, which we rarely think about. Every day we find ourselves under the pressure of society, which forces us to be who we are not. We constantly have to be someone else and do what we don’t want to do at all. Sound familiar?

Contents of the article

What does it mean to be true to yourself?

First of all, it is the ability to follow your goals, desires and interests.Be the smith of your own happiness, not someone else’s. Why should you give yourself up to please others? It doesn’t matter how much criticism and condemnation falls on your head, as long as you know your own needs better.

But what about study, work, obligations, rules, opinions of other people? Of course, all this takes place, but what is the point in this if you are unhappy and slowly fall into despair from the meaninglessness of your being? To avoid this, you need to be true to yourself. It is with loyalty to yourself that the road begins, where your own goals, passions, values, desires and dreams are located.

Always be true to yourself and your dreams. Live right now, without putting off all your dreams until later and tomorrow. Seize opportunities, enjoy and have fun every day. Don’t pause your goals and aspirations, as if someday there will be a better time. Take action! If your choice makes you happy, then you are doing everything right.

Visualsofdana, Unsplash

1. Do not be afraid to be yourself

To be afraid to show yourself so that others will not stop loving you? We lose a lot when we trade our present ourselves for public approval.We begin to be tight, constrained, and afraid to make a mistake. All this leads to the fact that we are like fake, cold, boring, ordinary and fake. But wearing a mask is too tiring, which takes a lot of our energy and time.

Do not be afraid to be yourself in order to maintain your originality, uniqueness, authenticity, spontaneity and brightness. Be true to yourself and your behavior. This will allow you to stop frantically controlling everything around you, including words and actions. You can do what you want yourself, and not someone else.If the people around you love you, they will love the real you.

2. Find your hobbies and desires

How can you defend your interests, tastes, hobbies and desires if you do not know them yourself? Identify the things that arouse your heightened interest and passion in your soul. Try to understand who you are, where you are going and what you want. You have all the answers inside you, but you are afraid to admit it to yourself. Stay true to yourself by speaking out loudly what you want out of life.

3. Love yourself

Many of our problems are due to the fact that we do not love ourselves enough.We are tougher, harsher and stricter about ourselves than others. We do not forgive ourselves for mistakes and scold for the slightest mistakes. For a long time we remember the events of the past, where we messed up or made the wrong choice.

It is important to be true to yourself, and not to spread rot on yourself. Treat yourself gently, kinder, calmer, better. Self-abuse only undermines our condition and self-confidence. Love yourself, learn to forgive and reassure at the right times. Self-love will be a better motivation than constant reproaches.

Maria Clara Araruna, Unsplash

4. Respect your emotions

We often ignore our emotions and desires, but do not forget about others. We care about what others think, say or feel, but we forget about ourselves. What about you? Why do you always ignore your desires, feelings, emotions?

Treat yourself with great respect, stay true to yourself. Putting yourself and your feelings first will make you feel more free. People around you will treat you better, because you are true to yourself and follow your feelings.And such spontaneity is always to the liking of people.

5. Have your tastes

Stick to your own tastes and do not try to imitate or follow others. Musical preferences, taste, hobbies, desires, goals. Don’t be afraid to choose something of your own based on personal preference. Respect your choices and tastes rather than succumbing to the crowd. Follow your choice and your taste.

6. Allow yourself to be imperfect

Accept all your facets, regardless of their appearance.No one in the world is imperfect, even despite the constant self-development. There are things you don’t like about you. Try to fix them or reduce the impact, and if it doesn’t work, then accept. This is part of the imperfect, but real you.

Fabian Centeno, Unsplash

7. Don’t betray yourself because of obstacles

Any path will be filled with mistakes and setbacks. You will face difficulties many times as you understand yourself and move towards your goal. Adversity should not stop you and force you to betray yourself.Stay true to your dreams and your path, regardless of obstacles. Follow your choice, fight and never give up. To let yourself down when you have almost achieved victory is a betrayal.

8. Watch yourself

Often we do not understand ourselves, and therefore we act according to our usual attitudes. Observe your emotions, sensations, desires, hobbies. Notice everything that you like and that inspires your elation. These tiny hints will help you get to know yourself better in order to stay true to your inner world.

9. Define life values ​​

Each of us has our own priorities and values ​​in life. What are the core values ​​that matter most? What values ​​attract and inspire? Set priorities for yourself so as not to deviate from them and not betray.

Zoltan Tasi, Unsplash

10. Try New

When you feel lost in the world and lost yourself, stop. Try to think and find something new. Go beyond your usual boundaries to feel new sensations and new emotions.There are many things in the world that you do not know and have never tried. There are many things that will become very important for you in the near future. Try new things, and it will become a significant part of you.

11. Look to the future more boldly

What would you like to do, moving to a new stage of life? Where do you see yourself in a year, five or ten years? Are you following your desires or deviated from the goal? Are you acting correctly and will you reach your dreams if you walk the road today? Look to the future and plan it.Do not betray yourself and your bright future because of laziness or momentary desires.

Visualsofdana, Unsplash

12. Choose freedom

Difficulty finding your own self mixes up our insecurity and lack of self-loyalty. We forbid ourselves much that is actually available. We follow patterns, taboos, frameworks and rules that are not in our best interest. We are afraid to step out of the shadows to be free ourselves.

Allow yourself to grow and develop regardless of the surrounding world.Allow yourself to be free, seeking your true self. Do not limit yourself to what others think or you yourself. Choose the freedom to be who you want. You are the creator of your own happiness. Life is short to play other people’s scripts and roles.

Always be true to yourself, no matter how you throw life in different directions and test your strength. You are your only faithful ally and support, and being a renegade in such a situation is the last thing. The main thing is to be true to yourself, then you can handle it and you will be happy.There is a long life ahead of you, but self-realization in it can only be done through efforts. Appreciate life and value your choice. Try to have time to achieve your dreams before old age creeps up to you.

Interpretations of the Holy Scriptures. Interpretations on 1 Cor. 7:20

St. John Chrysostom

Everyone, stay in the rank where you are called

See Commentary on 1 Cor. 7:16

St.Theophan the Recluse

Kiyzhdo in the rank of the same is called byst, in that one is

This is the second time the Apostle says this; and again he will say at the end of this section (verse 24). This commandment should be imprinted in the mind and he had in mind; for this he gives examples. “What kind of life did you have, what class you were in, what condition you were in when you believed, in that and remain. He calls it the calling to faith ”(Theophylact).

The first Epistle to the Corinthians of St. Paul, interpreted by St. Theophan.

Bliss. Theophylact Bulgarian

Everyone, remain in the calling in which you are called. Whether you were called a slave, do not be embarrassed; but if you can become free, then use the best

In the title in which you were called , that is, in what kind of life, and in what rank and condition you believed, in that and remain; for calling means bringing to faith. Have you accepted faith as a slave? do not worry and do not be embarrassed; for slavery does not harm you at all, so that if you could become free – then use the best , sacrifice yourself for the benefit of others.

Interpretation of the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Holy Apostle Paul.

Lopukhin A.P.

Everyone, stay in the rank where you are called

It is more correct to translate this verse as follows: “everyone remain faithful to the calling (κλη̃σις = call, calling to salvation) through which (η) he was called.” However, one should not forget that the concept of “vocation” also includes all external circumstances, which gave rise to it and which determine the very nature or method of calling.How different was the conversion of the circumcised and the uncircumcised! And one cannot arbitrarily emerge from this state established by God. This state did not prevent a person from hearing the call of God – on the contrary, it even facilitated the conversion of a person, and therefore, in later life, upon conversion, it can serve him to prove his faithfulness to God.

See also the Commentary on 1 Cor. 7:10

90,000 Stay faithful

For to me life is Christ and death is gain.

Philippians 1:21

Scripture speaks of the importance of faithfulness. The faithful have many blessings. Since in a past life we ​​were not taught the importance of being faithful, we did not have many blessings, but many curses.

We spend all our time looking for faith, because it gives results, brings success, makes us winners, lifts us up, revealing gifts in us.

But faith and faithfulness must go hand in hand.

Faithfulness refers to godliness.In his letter to Timothy, Paul warns that those who have neglected godliness are shipwrecked in faith.

In a past life, we also neglected honesty and desired enrichment. We thought that wealth, success, fame would give us recognition, respect, friends. We ignored conscience and knew no honor. Because of our neglect of piety, we were wicked people, bad fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, workers. In general, striving for happiness, we became unhappy.

Life does not move along one track. Life should have two tracks. Faith helps us achieve results. Faith is the engine of our life. But loyalty helps us to maintain our achievements, to preserve and multiply.

When a man and a woman take an oath of fidelity at the conclusion of a marriage, all that is then required of them is to remain faithful to the given word. Only through faithfulness can they know the feelings of husband and wife, fatherhood and motherhood, grandfather and grandmother.Faithfulness brings taste to life, wisdom.

The Word will be tested. What you have believed and confessed will test you for faithfulness. In the Gospel of John, in the first chapter it is written: “The Word became flesh (it became, took root and began to live, and this is from faith) and dwelt with us, full of grace and truth, and we all saw His glory (this is from faithfulness ) “.

Scripture says: “If you swore to an evil one, fulfill it.” In other words, if you believed and said “Amen”, promised something, and then it became unprofitable for you, circumstances changed not in your favor, everything did not go as you expected, you still have to keep your promise.Because this is the moment of truth of who you really are.

God is successful, strong, reliable. Because He believes and He is Faithful.

Believe it is not difficult, but reaching the end is difficult. Because faith will require a sacrifice, and this sacrifice is called loyalty.

The apostle Paul says: “For me life is Christ, and death is gain.” And this belongs to the realm of faith. Paul believes that Christ is the only Source of blessing, success, happiness.

Death is an acquisition.Agree that death for us belongs to the sphere of suffering. But Paul says that suffering in faith brings gain or gain.

And without faith it is impossible to please God; for it is necessary that he who comes to God should believe that He is, and reward those who seek Him.

Hebrews 11: 6

What kind of faith does God like?

1. Coming to God, one must believe that He is.

Note that you need to believe and come, not believe and wait. True faith will lead you to the Source of blessing.This is not difficult.

2. Renders Him to those who seek Him. This is harder. It takes patience. And patience in faith requires you to keep the Word, faith, God. Patience requires holding on to His faithfulness when yours weakens, holding on to His reliability when yours is limp.

If you keep His faithfulness and reliability (His strength), then your faithfulness and reliability will improve and become stronger.

You must not only be strong, but also enduring.

New collection MARC O’POLO | AFIMALL City

STEFANSKIRCHEN, July 2016 Mads Mikkelsen ( Mads Mikkelsen ) ,

9012 Lara Stone 9012 9012 9012 9012

Stone 9012

Stone and Peter Lindberg ( Peter Lindbergh ) for collection MARC O ‘P winter.

Real, modern, relaxed and casual – this is how the MARC O’POLO brand appears in the new advertising campaign for the Autumn-Winter collection 2016/17.

FOLLOW YOUR NATURE. If you can describe the essence of the MARC O’POLO brand, it is only this way: high quality and completely natural materials for self-confident people with their own style. This is a powerful statement: it takes equally strong personalities to reliably broadcast it.

New heroes and an internationally renowned photographer brought to life the main idea of ​​the campaign: contemporary simplicity and inner ease .

Mads and Lara have a lot in common, but at the same time they are the opposite of each other. Mikkelsen is an energetic, straightforward, charismatic and simple person. Mads is always natural and true to himself: “I prefer to work only with the people I enjoy working with,” he says.On the other hand, Lara Stone gives the impression of a soft, very delicate person. Known for her femininity and signature gap between her teeth, she has been at the top of the modeling industry for many years. Each of them is the perfect embodiment of the philosophy MARC O POLO : go your own way, stay true to yourself. FOLLOW YOUR NATURE.

Black & White Master, Peter Lindbergh knows how to turn every moment he captures into a truly breathtaking photo.His style is impossible to confuse with anything: the photographer brings the world’s biggest stars closer. He adores natural beauty that transcends conventional wisdom, which makes his work truly unique.

Tranquil background, natural look takes center stage, inspiration from the rocky Atlantic coastline.

The main ideas of the new collection are the theme of the navigator The Seafarer and the ode to the love of the sea By the Sea. The new season collection focuses on modern, high-tech natural materials that retain their original character.Each of the suggested looks can be easily combined with others, which provides versatility and gives you the freedom to stay true to your own style.

Poems by Rasul Gamzatov

If you are a kunak *

If you are a kunak, then my threshold is
Waiting for you, blowing off the clouds.
If you are exhausted from thirst,
Then my river is your river.

Even if it’s black outside,
I’ll meet you myself, just give me a sign.
Here is my bread, here are roses, here is wine,
All that I am rich in is yours, kunak.

It’s cold – sit closer to the hearth,
I’ll light the dung better.
Hungry – do not complain, I will help:
I will share the field with you, kunak.

If you begin to melt like a candle,
Cursing a wound or an illness,
I will have time to bring a doctor,
My blood will become yours, friend.

If it’s scary – take my dagger
And carry it, hanging it on your side.
If you, kunak, are longing.
Let’s disperse melancholy together.

The horse is fallen – here is mine under the saddle-cloth,
Race, gallop and on the gloomiest day
Stay faithful kunak,
Whether I am on a horse or under a horse.

Rider, spur the horse

The crying subsides and laughter is heard.
The horse is hot under the boy.
Rides faster than all riders
Childhood gallop on a stick.

Youth jumps on a horse,
Will drop the horse – nothing:
Shaking off the dust, daring, it
Will lasso it again.

Old age is sad, pulling the bit:
“Snow on my eyebrows,
If, gray-haired, I fall from the saddle,
I will not jump on a horse …”

An old song, an eternal story.
The sun is rising or the moon is rising.
If not gray like road dust,
Rider,
Spur your horse!

The Karak horse following the white trail
Races at all times.
If, like a cloud of dust, not gray –
Rider,
Spur the horse!

***

The time of threshing was still standing,
Sheep descended to the sea on kutans,
When, with the inevitability of fate,
Cold clouds loomed caravans.

And covered with snow. The forests are covered with gray,
White peaks, valleys and houses.
To the rear of the crimson autumn to throw
Suddenly winter was able to land troops.

And my heart sank from pain,
Although not for the first time I saw in my century,
Like maple leaves under the window in the wild
A white-maned horse tramples at a gallop …

And I look like a mown field,
Where a sheaf of rye was forgotten current.

90,000 Revelation 2:10 – Bible Gateway

Do not be afraid of the upcoming suffering.The devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will endure suffering for ten days. But remain faithful even to death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Do not be afraid of the upcoming suffering. The devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will endure suffering for ten days. But remain faithful even to death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Do not be afraid of the upcoming suffering. The devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will endure suffering for ten days.But remain faithful even to death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Do not be afraid of the upcoming suffering. Iblis will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will endure suffering for ten days. But remain faithful even to death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Do not be afraid that you will have to suffer. Listen! The devil will throw some of you into prison to test you, and you will languish there for ten days. But be faithful, even if you have to die, and I will give you the crown of eternal life.

Do not be afraid of anything that you have to endure. Behold, the devil will cast some of you into prison to test you, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.

New Russian Translation (NRT) Holy Bible, New Russian Translation
Copyright © 2006 by Biblica, Inc.®
Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide .; Holy Scripture (Eastern Translation) (CARS)
Central Asian Russian Scriptures (CARS)
Holy Scripture, Oriental Translation
Copyright © 2003, 2009, 2013 by IMB-ERTP and Biblica, Inc.®
Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide .; Holy Scripture (Eastern translation), version for Tajikistan (CARST) Central Asian Russian Scriptures (CARST)
Holy Scripture, Oriental Translation
Copyright © 2003, 2009, 2013 by IMB-ERTP and Biblica, Inc.®
Used by permission.