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What is a emotional connection: How To Build An Emotional Connection


How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone

What is an emotional connection? 

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you’re connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

“Just like children, adults need to feel a secure attachment to another adult,” couples therapist Josie Rosario, LMSW, MSed, explains to mbg. “That means it’s important for us to know that someone will be consistently available, especially in time of physical or emotional needs.”

Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. “As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival,” adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. “It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being.”

Signs of an emotional connection


You care about each other’s needs and desires

You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours. “When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy,” therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. “The fulfillment of one’s desire is a major part of being happy. Therefore, an emotional connection to someone naturally results in you wanting them to get the things they want in life.”


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You share openly

When you have an emotional connection with someone, you feel comfortable sharing your values, beliefs, and dreams with each other so you can support and champion one another.

Ask yourself these questions: Are you speaking freely? Are there things that you hold back from the conversation? If you feel nervous that you will scare them away by revealing too much; take note of that emotion and question why you’re hesitating to open up. 


You don’t just hear each other; you really listen

When your partner comes to you with troubles or concerns, you find yourself creating space for them to air it out. By stopping activity—turning off the game or putting your cellphone away—and diverting your full attention to them, it helps your partner fully open up. The same goes for when you’re the one who needs help.

If we don’t feel heard, it can lead to feelings of shame or abandonment. Active listening demonstrates a real emotional connection. “Active listening includes being present with and paying attention to the person talking, as well as demonstrating you are listening through eye contact and head nods,” Grosso says. 


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You know each other deeply

You don’t just engage in the superficial aspects of someone’s personality. You take it a step further, giving someone access to the parts of yourself that you typically reserve for your loved ones. People searching for an emotional connection want depth and to sincerely know their partner, flaws and all. 

After you share the embarrassing childhood memories, over time, the sharing gets deeper and deeper, leading to mutual trust, respect, and deep understanding. “You’re able to be vulnerable and share deeper parts of yourself,” Rosario explains. 


You’re interested in each other’s hobbies, even if you don’t “get” it

“Your partner’s interests may not be things that you are naturally drawn to, but when we have an emotional connection to someone, we often find ourselves wanting to at least educate ourselves about someone of their interests as a way to be closer to them,” Pinnock explains. 

For example, your partner loves experimental music and going out to shows every weekend. While it’s not your favorite music, you still tag along because you want to spend time with them, even though you don’t quite understand it. It may seem like a small effort, but those small acts are the very building blocks you need to nurture a strong relationship. By taking an active interest in each other’s hobbies—asking them about it or planning dates you know they will love—it’s another way you’re demonstrating, I see you. 


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It’s all about the little details

They know what you like in your coffee order (and yes, your oat milk preferences) and how your cat always wakes you up in the morning at 4 a.m. They’re legitimately invested in your day-to-day life. 

According to Pinnock, “You’re not only curious about things that have happened to them over their lifetime; you’re interested in their daily, mundane experiences. What they ate for lunch that day, what their annoying co-worker said. Knowing the little details of our partner’s life strengthens emotional connection because it helps to build intimacy, trust, and familiarity.”


It’s a judgment-free zone

“You both know how to help the other feel seen and heard, without judgment. Instead of jumping in with problem-solving and ‘fixing’ their emotions, you use validating statements that hold space for their emotional experience—whether it’s pleasant or painful,” says Grosso. 

It’s scary to put yourself out there and not know how the other person will respond. That’s why it’s so much sweeter when those very emotions are received and accepted with care. 


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You can find the silver lining in conflict

“Having an emotional connection does not mean you won’t disagree or have conflict. It is important to learn how to stay present, cope with emotional flooding, and be respectful during conflict,” explains Grosso.

Confrontation can be intense, but if you both want the relationship to work, you both take it as a creative challenge. You know it doesn’t have to be contentious but instead serves as an opportunity to have a constructive interaction and address issues that can improve the relationship. By being honest with each other, it helps you develop deeper levels of trust, which improves intimacy.

“Pro tips: Use lots of ‘I’ language, validation, and learn how to apologize well,” advises Grosso. 


You are sympathetic to their experiences

“If you care for someone and the two of you have an emotional connection, you care what happens to them and in a lot of ways,” Pinnock says. “What happens to them happens to you.” Having this perspective will squarely put you two together on the same team, adding more intensity to your shared bond. 


It’s truly a 50/50 partnership

Relationships can only flourish if there’s an equal effort by both parties. You can tell if you are the only one putting in all of the effort. It will feel like a one-way relationship…because it is. With you both putting in equivalent time and effort, it will strengthen the bond. 


You feel seen and understood

They finish your sentences. You can have a full conversation with one look. Communication is easy and, for the most part, effortless. That’s because, when you have an emotional connection, “you actually like each other, your values align, and you share a lot of similarities,” says Rosario.


You know yourself well

“Before you can develop an emotional connection with someone else, you need to have one with yourself. This means you are able to identify and name your emotions, needs, and desires,” Grosso explains. It’s hard to feel an emotional connection to someone when you don’t understand your own emotions and values.

To be emotionally connected with your own core values is to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware. By having this deep sense of knowing what you want and don’t want, it will help you stay grounded and not easily sway in the face of someone else’s preferences.  

How important is an emotional connection in a relationship?

Relationships cannot thrive without an emotional connection between the partners. “An emotional connection is of the utmost importance in a relationship. Think of it as the anchor in the relationship that allows a partnership to weather any storm and sail seamlessly on calm waters,” asserts Rosario. “We are hardwired for connection, and as such, it makes us feel safe and secure, like we are seen, heard, and taken in.” 

Simply said, without an emotional connection, we can’t get close to someone. To get started, here’s how to emotionally connect with someone, plus what to do when you don’t feel connected to your partner. By understanding the signals that cultivate a true bond—or detract from it—this will help us invite and invest in growth-oriented relationships that will only serve our highest self.

12 Signs You Have an Emotional Connection with Your Partner


By Jenna Birch

Published Jul 29, 2020

I’ve always had a theory that romantic relationships have three core facets, which comprise “The Connection Trifecta. ” The first is physical chemistry, which comprises sparks, sexual attraction, allure and visceral appeal. The second is intellectual compatibility, meaning you find similar topics engaging, have shared interests and aligned senses of humor. But the third is perhaps the most important: emotional connection.


Is Emotional Connection?

Emotional connection is sharing a common unspoken language with your significant other. It’s staying attuned to their needs and problems and following up when you know they’ve got a big interview coming up or just got into a squabble with their mom. It’s a synergy between two personalities that creates a balance between pushing the other toward growth and remaining a comfortable place to fall.

This type of connection is the glue that holds your relationship together. It’s the X-factor that keeps your bond strong. It’s trust, understanding and a core component of all types of love. But not every couple has it. Do you? Here are the signs.

1. You are friends


No matter how far your relationship evolves, the foundation of the relationship is a strong friendship. You respect each other in a human way. You value their thoughts. You want their input, and you enjoy their company. If all else was stripped away, and the romantic relationship never existed, you’d still want to know this person and call them a friend.

2. You develop rapport, inside jokes, shared experiences.

Emotional connection is all about developing a shared experience of the world: going on trips, working on projects, partaking in hobbies, finding common ground you can refer back to for years. There’s ease born of these experiences, and they make for the strongest foundation. The more history you have, the more likely you are to have a deep emotional connection.

3. You talk every day and develop routines.

An important element of emotional connection is consistency and reliability, which means your partner isn’t going off the grid for long spans of time or refusing to stay in touch during the day. You should be able to anticipate hearing from them. They should respond quickly to your contacts. You should talk regularly and see each other often. You should fall into a normal cadence of when to expect date nights or phone calls; you often develop default plans and warn each other if something changes out of respect.

4. You can have deep conversations (or just sit in silence).

No, emotional connection does not always mean you have to talk nonstop; it’s amazing how many people believe that! More than anything, an emotional connection with your partner is the ability to have deep, substantial conversations about things you’d struggle to talk to just anyone about—feelings, friends, family entanglements, politics, religion, goals and dreams. On the flip side, those with strong emotional connections can also just enjoy each other’s company and can sit in total silence, comfortably. There’s peace and solace in something as simple as that.

5. When something major happens—good, or bad—you want to tell them.

When you find out big news like you got a promotion or your grandmother is sick, who do you tell? If you wouldn’t tell your significant other first, I’d question the strength of that emotional bond. If you have a strong emotional connection to your partner, they are your automatic first call or text. You don’t even think twice. You know everything, moments after it happens.

6. You don’t withhold crucial information about your life (aka you trust them with secrets).

If you don’t have a strong emotional connection with your partner, you might withhold from them for a couple of reasons. One, you may not fully trust them with the information; will they be able to handle it emotionally and be a rock for you? Will they tell someone else and break your trust? The other problematic reason you may not tell them about important information—like getting into grad school or doing well on a project at work—is because you’re not sure they’d care. Those with strong emotional connections to their partners always share the big developments and reveal secrets when they matter because they genuinely want to share in that with them.

7. You can be vulnerable with them.

Can you tell your partner about your biggest sexual hang-up? Can you tell them your biggest fear? Can you break down in front of them without judgment, or let them in on the way anxiety affects your life? If you have an emotional connection with your partner, you can let your guard down without assuming they’ll believe you’re “too much” or broken. They meet vulnerability and intimacy with more of the same. Oh, and they let you in on their worries and baggage, too, because we all have some.

8. You engage in non-intimate touching on a regular basis.

In couples, all forms of touch are not created equal. Some touch is electric, sensual, full of chemistry and ultimately meant to lead to sex. But partners with an emotional connection also engage in tons of non-intimate touch, like handholding, forehead or cheek kisses, back rubs, hugs and other sweet gestures. This type of touch is nourishing to the relationship in a non-sexual way, helping to maintain a connection to your partner. It’s a silent, significant way of saying, “I’m here with you,” not just “I want you.”

9. You can predict how they’ll react or behave.

Partners with a strong emotional connection can predict their significant other’s behaviors and reactions because they have a sense of their patterns—what they like to do after work, how they act when they’re fudging the truth. This also helps when friends and family members try to plant seeds of doubt about the relationship, which happens to everyone. If you have an emotional connection and understanding of your partner, you likely have strong, accurate convictions about who they are—positive, and negative, good attributes and flaws—because you know them to their core.

10. You can both sense when something is wrong.

Those with strong emotional connections are intuitive about their partners. You don’t need your significant other to say, “I had a bad day.” You know because you see it on their face when they come home from the office. It comes across when they text you short and clipped. You can tell when their anger is masking hurt and when their defensiveness is born of an old habit they just don’t want to break yet. And you know how to talk to them and deal with them on bad days; they learn the same about you.

11. You hold each other accountable.

You know when your partner is not living up to their own standards and vice versa. If you have a solid emotional connection, you will be able to call each other out when they can do better—whether it’s developing healthier habits, letting go of limiting beliefs or refusing to make amends with a family member when they should have done so long ago. You know that if they bring something up, they mean it and you should listen. You trust it comes from a place of love, and in that, heeding their feedback will always make you better.

12. You’re as happy with the everyday as you are with the exciting days.

You can’t always be swept away on a romantic vacation or go out on a ritzy date night. But when you have a strong emotional connection to your partner, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about constant chemistry, but rather a constant companionship. In fact, couples that have strong emotional bonds regularly just want to cook dinner together and watch Netflix, take a long walk in the park or play with their kids. The mundane is as important, and fulfilling, as the grander gestures.

Jenna Birch is a journalist and author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love, a relationship-building guide for modern women, as well as a dating and relationship coach (currently accepting new clients). To ask her a question, which she may answer in a forthcoming PureWow column, email her at [email protected].

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What is this emotional connection of yours?

I say so often: “The most important thing is the emotional connection in a couple. ” And I am in response no less often asked what I mean by it. Strong emotional connection – how does it feel? What does it look like?

Finally, for the first time in 4 years of the existence of the program “Women’s Wednesday”, I’m talking about this in the new issue. Guess the words from which work are asking for quotes at the beginning of an issue about an emotional connection? You definitely read these words.

“Yana, what is your “emotional connection”? What do you mean by it?” I have received such questions about 30 times in the last month. Let’s find out!

“How is it to tame?”

What is an “emotional connection”? I’m sure you remember this wonderful passage from Exupery’s The Little Prince. I want to quote it to you now:

“But how is it to tame? asked the little prince.

“It’s a long forgotten concept,” the fox explained. “It means to create bonds.

– Bonds?

“Exactly,” said the fox. “You are still just a little boy to me, just like a hundred thousand other boys. And I don’t need you. And you don’t need me either. I am only a fox for you, exactly the same as a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we will need each other. You will be the only one in the world for me. And I will be alone for you in the whole world…”

This is the essence of what a strong emotional connection is. It’s built into our DNA. This is the basic equipment of the human species. In order to feel good, it is critically important for us to feel, to believe that we have a special relationship with someone, that for someone we are a special, important person. That there is someone we can trust, who is on our side, who is for us, who can share our joys and sorrows.

Psychology of attachment

And you all know that all this is necessary for children, and in the scientific world for the first time John Bowlby began to talk about this, although of course people always needed and will need it. But only in the 60s of the last century did this enter the discussion of the scientific community.

And he started talking about mothers and children. Of course, you know that the psychology of attachment then grew out of this. When the child hits, he runs to his mother so that his mother consoles and regrets. If a child has drawn some kind of drawing and is happy about it, he runs to his mother to share this joy. And a responsive mother is very important for a child, when he can trust his mother – a mother is responsive and reliable, when a child can safely go to explore this world. He has the strength, energy for all sorts of feats, accomplishments.

The same with adults. For our internal well-being, we also need a person about whom we are sure that he is on our side, and we can bring him our sorrows and our joys. And he will be sad and rejoice with us. And when we can be vulnerable and open and know that we will be treated with care. This is when I reach out my hand and you give me yours in return. This is a strong emotional connection.

I like to call this feeling my “home”. And I remember, in one of my programs there was a woman who wrote goals for the program: I want us to become each other’s favorite babies again. She didn’t mean some kind of infantile state, she meant just that: that you can be open, vulnerable and feel loved.

The reason for all our quarrels

It may sound strange to you, but all our quarrels, no matter what they concern: hanging out in gadgets, dirty dishes, not ironed shirts, whatever else, is always a protest against separation, a protest against alienation, it is always for our emotional connection, an attempt to restore it.

And the word “security” is very important in an emotional connection. An emotional connection is strong when I trust that you won’t hurt me. That I can open up to you, and you won’t hurt me in return. And this sense of security in a couple is very easy to lose for a number of reasons that we cannot discuss in this program. But recovery is also possible. And this is what my main programs are devoted to.

Attachment style

And one of the most important factors that affects how we build relationships, how we build our connection, is an individual attachment style. In the next episode, we will talk about the anxious attachment style, but for now, tell me in the comments how you currently rate the emotional connection in your couple on a 10-point scale from 1 to 10. Where 1 is a weak connection that you practically do not feel and it seems like it’s almost gone. And 10 is a very strong, reliable, secure emotional connection. Where are you now on this scale, your couple?

If the number turned out to be sad, you should rather join the program “Love in an adult way. How to get warmth and intimacy back in 8 weeks.

Why is an emotional connection with a partner important? Bezzia

The key to a happy and enduring couple is to be found in the emotional connection of both people. Such important elements as good communication or empathy they make a couple grow day by day and become stronger.

The ability to understand and understand the various emotions of a couple is essential in any relationship.


  • 1 Emotional connection in a couple
  • 2 How emotional connection works in a couple

Emotional connection in a couple

This connection consists of mutual care that both members of the couple show for each other. Relationships are based on commitment on both sides, and it’s important to give as well as receive. For this connection to arise, not only the love of two people is enough, but there must be a smooth connection between them in order to avoid possible fights or conflicts that may arise over time. Other than that, there are some keys or elements that will lead to an emotional connection being real, which we will tell you about below:

  • Empathy is necessary and important when communicating with another person. The ability to always understand the feelings and emotions of another person strengthens the bond in a couple. Feeling that the other person understands and understands you, makes the union much stronger, and therefore the emotional connection itself.
  • There is something much more important in a stable and strong partner than love itself: complicity between two people. Being able to be an accomplice to each other is a wonderful thing in any relationship, and that makes the emotional connection really important. Sometimes there is no need to say anything, just looks or gestures are enough to understand what the couple wants.
  • Another key aspect of perfect couple functioning is good emotional communication. Unfortunately, many couples break up and don’t work out. due to the lack of emotional communication between both people.
  • The last aspect to consider in a relationship that works well is the attachment that exists between the two of you.