How to please a woman in bed – advice for better sex

Siski Green

/ 30 August 2019

Unsure what women want in bed? Find out five unique ways to give a woman a great orgasmic experience during sex.

Read our tips for a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life

While each woman will enjoy sex in a different way there are some things guaranteed to give the woman you’re in bed with a great sexual experience.

Avoid her genitals

That may sound like bizarre advice but all too often men zone in on the genital region way too early. 

You may hear a woman sing the sexual praises of a man who can pinpoint her clitoris with the tip of his tongue or one who just how to thrust but that won’t be the same for every woman – one thing that will be the same for every woman is that she’d love it if you spent time exploring her body fully, kissing, licking and touching everywhere, so that she is fully aroused when you finally target her vulva and clitoris.

Tips for better sex

Use your voice

Communicating your pleasure while you’re having sex, as well as a sexy, ‘Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” will do wonders for her sex experience. It not only gives her a good idea of what moves do it for you (which in itself enhances her own sex experience), it also means she has a way of letting you know when she really loves something you’re doing, or when it’s not really doing it for her. 

Don’t be shy when it comes to showering her with compliments as you’re getting down to sex too – her breasts, the scent on her neck, her skin, her lips, her thighs, her waist, the feel of her vagina on your penis and so on. The more confident she feels when naked in bed with you, the sexier she’ll feel… which leads to more pleasure for both of you.

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Indulge her

One of the main reasons women fail to reach orgasm during sex is because they feel ‘guilty’ for taking too long or for requiring so much effort. So rather than relax and let you take them to orgasm, they stress about taking too long and as a result don’t get to climax at all! 

So make it easy for her by giving her no choice but to relax and enjoy it. Tell her that tonight is her night – you won’t orgasm or try to – you will simply spend your time exploring and stimulating her. Give her a full body massage to relax her physically and mentally first, then really take your time exploring her body and finding out what she enjoys most. 

Once the pressure to hurry up is off, she may find it easier and quicker to reach orgasm.

Solo sex: the health benefits of masturbation

Try this handy position

Most women find it difficult to orgasm during penetrative sex but there’s a way around that – use your hands. 

When you’re on top, slide your hand down between you (you’ll need to rest your bodyweight on your other elbow or arm, and angle yourself slightly to one side) and rub her clitoris as you thrust. As the clitoris is above the vaginal opening it sometimes doesn’t get directly stimulated during penetration and your hand can help fix that problem. 

This is a great way to aim for a simultaneous orgasm too, which will make for a truly memorable experience.

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Use some lube

While not all women will have problems with dryness, many do and even those that don’t – women in their 20s for example – will enjoy sex far more with lubrication. 

Silicone-based lubricants make everything feel more sensuous because what might be uncomfortable rubbing is transformed into deliciously sexy sliding with a simple squeeze of a tube or bottle. Use it on her breasts first (see above regarding avoiding her genitals), and then on her genitals and yours.

Siski Green is the author of How To Blow His Mind In Bed 

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How To Make Sex Better For Her: 8 Tips To Pleasure A Woman

1.

Take your time

To make sex better for women, create an environment where she knows she has time to focus and relax. Remove all distractions and responsibilities, including work, children, TV, and any daily errands. Check in advance to see how you can support her to make sure these things are done so she can focus for an hour or two (or a whole weekend) just on herself.

By supporting her in knowing she has time to just switch off, you are holding space for her to begin enjoying sex. Being rushed, distracted, or disturbed can be off-putting for her and make it harder for her to feel good in better. Having all these bases covered shows her you’re sensitive to her and helps you create space she can retreat deeply into.

2.

Pay attention to her needs

Sure, orgasms feel good. But some women can be left feeling “meh” after an orgasm if she feels expected to perform immediately thereafter for you. For some women, orgasm alone is empty when there’s no deeper connection or intention embedded within it.

Instead, try touching her whole body with long, firm strokes to get her blood moving. A stiff and non-responsive lover is hard to get any kind of ignition happening with. By using long, firm strokes over her whole body and inviting her to breathe and relax, you are letting her know she has all the time in the world to enjoy your offerings.

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3.

Map her body

Explore different erogenous zones on her body including, neck, shoulders, scalp, ears, belly, inner thighs, inner arms, back, buttocks, and feet. Try experimenting with speed or pressure. Light feathery touch can feel nice sometimes but annoying at others. Invite her feedback to help navigate her body. Then follow her cues.

RELATED: Cervical Orgasms: How They Work & How To Have One

4.

Allow her to indicate when she is ready to receive

Always keep communication in mind when it comes to intimacy—but especially for genital touch. Start slowly, then build up. Use a quality vaginal lubricant, as dry fingers on genitals don’t feel great. (Yes, most vagina owners need lube! This is not an indication of how turned on she is or how good a partner you are—it’s just how vaginas work. ) Ask her how she likes to be touched, or even ask her to show you.

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5.

Focus on the clitoris

Keep your focus on the vulva (inner and outer lips) and the clitoris—not the vagina (aka inside). If you are both interested in helping her orgasm, focus on stimulating her clitoris. Most women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and most women cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. (Here’s our full guide on how to make a woman have an orgasm, plus what you need to know about the science of orgasms.)

6.

Use toys

First, encourage her to relax: This can help her surrender into an orgasmic experience. Using a powerful external vibrator on her clitoris can help this process. Bringing toys into your lovemaking creates opportunity for her to really open up sexually while taking pressure off you to be the sole provider—especially if she likes extended play. Some women can indulge in an hour or more of play before even thinking about orgasm, and extending the pleasure can be greater than any orgasm at all.

RELATED: 9 Best Sex Toys For Women: Full Guide For 2023

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7.

Explore tantric sex

Tantric sex is all about slow, sensual lovemaking that emphasizes creating a deep, intimate connection between lovers. Many women enjoy this slower, more holistic approach. Here’s our full guide to tantric sex if you’re interested, plus how to give a tantric yoni massage (aka a high-sensation vulva massage). Even if tantra isn’t your thing, prioritize creating an emotional connection during sex.

8.

Invite her to participate in the process

Ask questions and encourage her to express herself, her needs, and her sexual desires. Sometimes it’s just the right combination of time, relaxation, and technique that will provide the ultimate recipe for deep, succulent surrender and satisfaction.

RELATED: What Is Edging? The Science, Benefits & 10 Ways To Do It

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How to bring a woman to orgasm?

18+

The female orgasm is hard to find, almost impossible to hold and very easy to scare off. But only if you are still young and inexperienced. We tell you why your partner may not have an orgasm and how to please a woman in bed.

Getty Images

You’ve probably guessed something like this before. Now learn about the common stumbling blocks in this intimate affair.

Contents of the article

Starting too hard

As paradoxical as it may sound, the fact is that the sharper and more aggressive the start, the longer – other things being equal – you will get to its final (if at all). Prelude is the head of everything.

“It may seem that she will come faster this way, but, alas, no,” says family psychologist and sex coach Celeste Hirschman. “In other words, she should be aroused before you put your hand in her panties, not after.”

Correct: Before you go into a hot spot, make sure it’s really hot! And even in this case – do not start a crazy rodeo from the first minute. The proverb “appetite comes with eating” is not what one should be guided by in this case.

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Foreplay is very important for a girl, because she needs to tune in to a romantic mood in advance, put all worries out of her head and listen to her body. Help her with this: give her a relaxing bath or give her a sensual massage, lie in bed with her, let her sip a glass of red wine and distract her urgent department in every possible way. This is how it will be better!

Hurry her

“Women usually take longer to reach orgasm. The classic female fear is to prolong sex too much, so much so that the man loses all interest in what is happening, ”explains Hirschman. No matter how well-intentioned you are when asking this question, for her it is an unequivocal call to hurry up and, as a result, stress. You can be sure that this will not hasten the approach of orgasm.

Right: “Instead of asking stupid questions, listen to her body’s natural cues—rapid breathing, muscle contractions, moans—and you’ll figure it out for yourself,” recommends Kait Sackel, author of This Is Your Brain on Sex.

Too loud moans, which resemble sounds from a torture chamber, will indicate that the girl decided to play along with you and (perhaps once again) began to imitate an orgasm. Meanwhile, a real female orgasm is nothing like what you see in vintage Italian porn movies.

When she relaxes and begins to listen to her own feelings, becomes silent and starts to do well for herself, then you can help her reach the peak of concentration. As a rule, your own satisfaction will be already far behind, and here you just have to not save and continue to be there.

According to statistics, more than 80% of women experience orgasm only from clitoral stimulation. Moreover, many ladies who have already experienced the joy of motherhood cease, for one reason or another, to experience pleasant sensations from the penetration of the penis into the vagina. So if you help her focus on her clitoris, you’re running almost no risk.

Change rhythm

Don’t slow down! “When a woman is close to orgasm, she needs steady pressure and rhythmic movement,” argues Daniel Harel, sex coach and family psychologist in San Francisco. Any intention to slow down or speed up can violate her body’s expectations and delay orgasm.

Correct: “If you hear something like ‘like this, don’t stop,’ seriously, don’t stop and don’t change the pace, no matter how much you want to,” Harel instructs. Moreover, do not change the position and angle of penetration – this is not the moment when you should be creative.

Not for nothing that many women have a secret fetish in the form of a sex machine. It is the measured and mechanical movement that a soulless electric motor can provide that can help a woman reach the peak of pleasure. So take an example from the sex machine and turn into a kind of orgy machine, try to provide it with uniform forward movements, no matter how dull they may seem to you.

Turn sex into a show

“Don’t blindly believe in porn,” smiles Sakel. – Otherwise, you will have a set of stereotypes: how long should sexual intercourse last (minimum!), how many orgasms a woman should get, and how many positions need to be changed first.

There is nothing wrong with porn – but movies do not always meet the real expectations of the partner. Trick them and her orgasm will vanish into thin air – despite all the super-effective techniques, tricks and tricks gleaned from the Internet.

Right: don’t put on an erotic show named after yourself. “A sense of closeness, intimacy for a woman is usually much more important than technical skills – although they should not be forgotten,” advises Hirschman.

Many inexperienced lovers concentrate on the external side of the process, and meanwhile, women tend to enjoy not the visuals, but sounds, relationships, tactility and other unspectacular, from the point of view of a man, things.

So try to adjust your behavior in the course of intimate relationships as you see what kind of response emotions your specific actions cause. Some women like hardcore BDSM sex, while others are crazy about hugs and whispers in your ear. You need to understand what exactly your woman needs most at this crucial moment.

Puzzle her

“The concept of simultaneous mutual gratification doesn’t always work, even for established couples,” warns Hirschman. “In order to achieve an orgasm, she must focus on her own pleasure and probably forget about yours for a while – this is normal.”

Do it right: make sure that she is not distracted by anything, whether it be the TV on, extraneous thoughts or your own orgasm (yes-yes). Show her that her satisfaction is as important to you as your own. If you finish with a margin, let her know that the next round is all about her.

As a rule, a man needs less time and stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. No wonder there are jokes about short sex performed by men. Women, on the other hand, need a little more time to tune in and come to the point of no return, after which there will be a great orgasm. Usually she needs from 20 to 30 minutes, so you need to stay with her all this time in the same mood with which you started this joint act. Perhaps during this time, after ejaculation, you yourself will have time to restore strength and reconnect to the process to help her quickly reach orgasm. Here, as they say, everything is in your hands.

Compliments

Yes, that sounds weird. But a fact!

“Most women perceive sex differently than men – they think much more about the aesthetic component, about how their body currently looks, etc.,” Sakel shares his observation. “You can even say that we women are obsessed with this, and even the most innocent compliment can simply distract her from what is happening.”

In other words: when she hears a compliment, she will at least think, and at the maximum she will also feel shy!

Right: sex is not about talking (interjections and passionate swearing don’t count). On the contrary: it is probably the best way to convey your emotions non-verbally.

Since you are doing this very thing together, do not switch to talking and praising her beauty. A woman during sex wants to feel like a violin in the hands of a skilled musician (and she doesn’t care how many violins our maestro managed to hold in his hands), who will selflessly play a beautiful melody. At this moment, you should not pretend to be an orator and talkative. Just do it!

And there is one more rule that every man should follow: don’t start something you can’t finish. With regard to sex, this is 100% true. Since you both started, then both of you should finish this love act, having received satisfaction.

How to satisfy a woman in bed

Likbez

Sex

7 March

Not everyone uses these simple tips. Be special!

Ask for wishes

Every woman needs something different for an orgasm, but not everyone is comfortable talking about it to a partner. So don’t try to guess if you can find out directly. She definitely knows this better than anyone, so just asking is enough. For example, what positions she prefers, where she should be touched, and where she should not be, and so on.

Even if she really liked something last time, this does not mean that she always wants it, because the mood also changes. So feel free to clarify.

Take care of the atmosphere

Clutter in the room can kill desire just like bad breath. A potential partner may simply disdain to lie down on soiled sheets or a stained sofa. Of course, it is not necessary to polish the chandelier before the girl arrives, but it is better that the debris does not peek out from all surfaces.

Make time for foreplay

Foreplay increases arousal, blood flow to the genitals and increases the amount of lubrication. Thanks to this, sex becomes brighter and better. Therefore, do not skip an important step if you want to be remembered by your partner.

Sex is not a sprint. If orgasm was the only meaning of sex, then people would long ago have been doing it only with special toys.

This does not mean that foreplay should last for hours (although why not). Sometimes a few minutes of kissing or light petting is enough to set the right mood.

Don’t try to use scripts from porn

Real sex is not at all like erotic or porn movies, so you don’t need to take movie scripts as a guide. Neither you nor your partner will be able to repeat what you see on the screen and get as much pleasure as it is shown there, so do not try to be a director in bed, but focus on mutual pleasure.

Be safe

Many people find it difficult to relax because of fear of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Therefore, you should not persuade your partner to refuse a condom, because you do not like it. Don’t act surprised when it comes up, and don’t try to get rid of it in the process. At such moments, the session of love simply ends.

Add passion and enthusiasm

If you want to kindle passion in your partner, you need to be involved yourself. If a woman considers your mood, then she will be more liberated. Especially enthusiasm will come in handy during cunnilingus or penetration.

Think beyond your orgasm

Sex should not end after a man’s orgasm. Although porn teaches us this, but a rare woman ends only from penetration. If you’ve already finished, don’t forget your fingers, toys, or tongue.

A woman is not your hand or masturbator. You can’t use her body to satisfy your needs and then roll over on the other side, assuming she had a great time too.

If you can’t do anything after, take care of her pleasure before your finish. After all, if you know for sure that you will get yours, don’t you want your partner to feel good too?

Make time for your partner after sex

This period is very important for the perception of the whole date.