12 Signs You Have an Emotional Connection with Your Partner

wellness

By Jenna Birch

Published Jul 29, 2020

I’ve always had a theory that romantic relationships have three core facets, which comprise “The Connection Trifecta.” The first is physical chemistry, which comprises sparks, sexual attraction, allure and visceral appeal. The second is intellectual compatibility, meaning you find similar topics engaging, have shared interests and aligned senses of humor. But the third is perhaps the most important: emotional connection.

What

Is Emotional Connection?

Emotional connection is sharing a common unspoken language with your significant other. It’s staying attuned to their needs and problems and following up when you know they’ve got a big interview coming up or just got into a squabble with their mom. It’s a synergy between two personalities that creates a balance between pushing the other toward growth and remaining a comfortable place to fall.

This type of connection is the glue that holds your relationship together. It’s the X-factor that keeps your bond strong. It’s trust, understanding and a core component of all types of love. But not every couple has it. Do you? Here are the signs.

1. You are friends

First.

No matter how far your relationship evolves, the foundation of the relationship is a strong friendship. You respect each other in a human way. You value their thoughts. You want their input, and you enjoy their company. If all else was stripped away, and the romantic relationship never existed, you’d still want to know this person and call them a friend.

2. You develop rapport, inside jokes, shared experiences.

Emotional connection is all about developing a shared experience of the world: going on trips, working on projects, partaking in hobbies, finding common ground you can refer back to for years. There’s ease born of these experiences, and they make for the strongest foundation. The more history you have, the more likely you are to have a deep emotional connection.

3. You talk every day and develop routines.

An important element of emotional connection is consistency and reliability, which means your partner isn’t going off the grid for long spans of time or refusing to stay in touch during the day. You should be able to anticipate hearing from them. They should respond quickly to your contacts. You should talk regularly and see each other often. You should fall into a normal cadence of when to expect date nights or phone calls; you often develop default plans and warn each other if something changes out of respect.

4. You can have deep conversations (or just sit in silence).

No, emotional connection does not always mean you have to talk nonstop; it’s amazing how many people believe that! More than anything, an emotional connection with your partner is the ability to have deep, substantial conversations about things you’d struggle to talk to just anyone about—feelings, friends, family entanglements, politics, religion, goals and dreams. On the flip side, those with strong emotional connections can also just enjoy each other’s company and can sit in total silence, comfortably. There’s peace and solace in something as simple as that.

5. When something major happens—good, or bad—you want to tell them.

When you find out big news like you got a promotion or your grandmother is sick, who do you tell? If you wouldn’t tell your significant other first, I’d question the strength of that emotional bond. If you have a strong emotional connection to your partner, they are your automatic first call or text. You don’t even think twice. You know everything, moments after it happens.

6. You don’t withhold crucial information about your life (aka you trust them with secrets).

If you don’t have a strong emotional connection with your partner, you might withhold from them for a couple of reasons. One, you may not fully trust them with the information; will they be able to handle it emotionally and be a rock for you? Will they tell someone else and break your trust? The other problematic reason you may not tell them about important information—like getting into grad school or doing well on a project at work—is because you’re not sure they’d care. Those with strong emotional connections to their partners always share the big developments and reveal secrets when they matter because they genuinely want to share in that with them.

7. You can be vulnerable with them.

Can you tell your partner about your biggest sexual hang-up? Can you tell them your biggest fear? Can you break down in front of them without judgment, or let them in on the way anxiety affects your life? If you have an emotional connection with your partner, you can let your guard down without assuming they’ll believe you’re “too much” or broken. They meet vulnerability and intimacy with more of the same. Oh, and they let you in on their worries and baggage, too, because we all have some.

8. You engage in non-intimate touching on a regular basis.

In couples, all forms of touch are not created equal. Some touch is electric, sensual, full of chemistry and ultimately meant to lead to sex. But partners with an emotional connection also engage in tons of non-intimate touch, like handholding, forehead or cheek kisses, back rubs, hugs and other sweet gestures. This type of touch is nourishing to the relationship in a non-sexual way, helping to maintain a connection to your partner. It’s a silent, significant way of saying, “I’m here with you,” not just “I want you.”

9. You can predict how they’ll react or behave.

Partners with a strong emotional connection can predict their significant other’s behaviors and reactions because they have a sense of their patterns—what they like to do after work, how they act when they’re fudging the truth. This also helps when friends and family members try to plant seeds of doubt about the relationship, which happens to everyone. If you have an emotional connection and understanding of your partner, you likely have strong, accurate convictions about who they are—positive, and negative, good attributes and flaws—because you know them to their core.

10. You can both sense when something is wrong.

Those with strong emotional connections are intuitive about their partners. You don’t need your significant other to say, “I had a bad day. ” You know because you see it on their face when they come home from the office. It comes across when they text you short and clipped. You can tell when their anger is masking hurt and when their defensiveness is born of an old habit they just don’t want to break yet. And you know how to talk to them and deal with them on bad days; they learn the same about you.

11. You hold each other accountable.

You know when your partner is not living up to their own standards and vice versa. If you have a solid emotional connection, you will be able to call each other out when they can do better—whether it’s developing healthier habits, letting go of limiting beliefs or refusing to make amends with a family member when they should have done so long ago. You know that if they bring something up, they mean it and you should listen. You trust it comes from a place of love, and in that, heeding their feedback will always make you better.

12. You’re as happy with the everyday as you are with the exciting days.

You can’t always be swept away on a romantic vacation or go out on a ritzy date night. But when you have a strong emotional connection to your partner, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about constant chemistry, but rather a constant companionship. In fact, couples that have strong emotional bonds regularly just want to cook dinner together and watch Netflix, take a long walk in the park or play with their kids. The mundane is as important, and fulfilling, as the grander gestures.

Jenna Birch is a journalist and author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love, a relationship-building guide for modern women, as well as a dating and relationship coach (currently accepting new clients). To ask her a question, which she may answer in a forthcoming PureWow column, email her at [email protected].

More Stories You’ll Love

wellness

by Sydney Meister

“Dawn Dating” Is the Trend Singles Have Been Waiting for

wellness

by Sarah Stiefvater

11 Relationship Books That Are Actually Helpful, According to Marriage & Family Therapists

wellness

by Dana Dickey

What Is Brainspotting—and Why Therapists and Clients Say It Makes for Faster, More Intense Breakthroughs

wellness

by Jaime Wright

Your Monthly Horoscopes: July 2023

wellness

by Jaime Wright

Your Weekly Horoscopes: July 2 to 8, 2023

wellness

by Bridget Shirvell

The 8 Best Spas in the Hamptons to Really Pamper Yourself (Because You Totally Deserve It)

How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone

What is an emotional connection? 

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you’re connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

“Just like children, adults need to feel a secure attachment to another adult,” couples therapist Josie Rosario, LMSW, MSed, explains to mbg. “That means it’s important for us to know that someone will be consistently available, especially in time of physical or emotional needs.”

Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. “As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival,” adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. “It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being.”

Signs of an emotional connection

1.

You care about each other’s needs and desires

You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours. “When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy,” therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. “The fulfillment of one’s desire is a major part of being happy. Therefore, an emotional connection to someone naturally results in you wanting them to get the things they want in life.”

Advertisement

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

2.

You share openly

When you have an emotional connection with someone, you feel comfortable sharing your values, beliefs, and dreams with each other so you can support and champion one another.

Ask yourself these questions: Are you speaking freely? Are there things that you hold back from the conversation? If you feel nervous that you will scare them away by revealing too much; take note of that emotion and question why you’re hesitating to open up. 

3.

You don’t just hear each other; you really listen

When your partner comes to you with troubles or concerns, you find yourself creating space for them to air it out. By stopping activity—turning off the game or putting your cellphone away—and diverting your full attention to them, it helps your partner fully open up. The same goes for when you’re the one who needs help.

If we don’t feel heard, it can lead to feelings of shame or abandonment. Active listening demonstrates a real emotional connection. “Active listening includes being present with and paying attention to the person talking, as well as demonstrating you are listening through eye contact and head nods,” Grosso says. 

Advertisement

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

4.

You know each other deeply

You don’t just engage in the superficial aspects of someone’s personality. You take it a step further, giving someone access to the parts of yourself that you typically reserve for your loved ones. People searching for an emotional connection want depth and to sincerely know their partner, flaws and all.  

After you share the embarrassing childhood memories, over time, the sharing gets deeper and deeper, leading to mutual trust, respect, and deep understanding. “You’re able to be vulnerable and share deeper parts of yourself,” Rosario explains. 

5.

You’re interested in each other’s hobbies, even if you don’t “get” it

“Your partner’s interests may not be things that you are naturally drawn to, but when we have an emotional connection to someone, we often find ourselves wanting to at least educate ourselves about someone of their interests as a way to be closer to them,” Pinnock explains. 

For example, your partner loves experimental music and going out to shows every weekend. While it’s not your favorite music, you still tag along because you want to spend time with them, even though you don’t quite understand it. It may seem like a small effort, but those small acts are the very building blocks you need to nurture a strong relationship. By taking an active interest in each other’s hobbies—asking them about it or planning dates you know they will love—it’s another way you’re demonstrating, I see you.  

Advertisement

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

6.

It’s all about the little details

They know what you like in your coffee order (and yes, your oat milk preferences) and how your cat always wakes you up in the morning at 4 a.m. They’re legitimately invested in your day-to-day life. 

According to Pinnock, “You’re not only curious about things that have happened to them over their lifetime; you’re interested in their daily, mundane experiences. What they ate for lunch that day, what their annoying co-worker said. Knowing the little details of our partner’s life strengthens emotional connection because it helps to build intimacy, trust, and familiarity.”

7.

It’s a judgment-free zone

“You both know how to help the other feel seen and heard, without judgment. Instead of jumping in with problem-solving and ‘fixing’ their emotions, you use validating statements that hold space for their emotional experience—whether it’s pleasant or painful,” says Grosso.  

It’s scary to put yourself out there and not know how the other person will respond. That’s why it’s so much sweeter when those very emotions are received and accepted with care. 

Advertisement

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

8.

You can find the silver lining in conflict

“Having an emotional connection does not mean you won’t disagree or have conflict. It is important to learn how to stay present, cope with emotional flooding, and be respectful during conflict,” explains Grosso.

Confrontation can be intense, but if you both want the relationship to work, you both take it as a creative challenge. You know it doesn’t have to be contentious but instead serves as an opportunity to have a constructive interaction and address issues that can improve the relationship. By being honest with each other, it helps you develop deeper levels of trust, which improves intimacy.

“Pro tips: Use lots of ‘I’ language, validation, and learn how to apologize well,” advises Grosso.  

9.

You are sympathetic to their experiences

“If you care for someone and the two of you have an emotional connection, you care what happens to them and in a lot of ways,” Pinnock says. “What happens to them happens to you.” Having this perspective will squarely put you two together on the same team, adding more intensity to your shared bond. 

10.

It’s truly a 50/50 partnership

Relationships can only flourish if there’s an equal effort by both parties. You can tell if you are the only one putting in all of the effort. It will feel like a one-way relationship…because it is. With you both putting in equivalent time and effort, it will strengthen the bond. 

11.

You feel seen and understood

They finish your sentences. You can have a full conversation with one look. Communication is easy and, for the most part, effortless. That’s because, when you have an emotional connection, “you actually like each other, your values align, and you share a lot of similarities,” says Rosario.

12.

You know yourself well

“Before you can develop an emotional connection with someone else, you need to have one with yourself. This means you are able to identify and name your emotions, needs, and desires,” Grosso explains. It’s hard to feel an emotional connection to someone when you don’t understand your own emotions and values.

To be emotionally connected with your own core values is to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware. By having this deep sense of knowing what you want and don’t want, it will help you stay grounded and not easily sway in the face of someone else’s preferences. 

How important is an emotional connection in a relationship?

Relationships cannot thrive without an emotional connection between the partners. “An emotional connection is of the utmost importance in a relationship. Think of it as the anchor in the relationship that allows a partnership to weather any storm and sail seamlessly on calm waters,” asserts Rosario. “We are hardwired for connection, and as such, it makes us feel safe and secure, like we are seen, heard, and taken in.” 

Simply said, without an emotional connection, we can’t get close to someone. To get started, here’s how to emotionally connect with someone, plus what to do when you don’t feel connected to your partner. By understanding the signals that cultivate a true bond—or detract from it—this will help us invite and invest in growth-oriented relationships that will only serve our highest self.

8 tips to help you develop an emotional connection with a partner

When this happens, we suddenly notice that next to us is not an ideal at all, but just an ordinary person who, in addition to undoubted advantages, probably has a lot of annoying us shortcomings.

“Physical attraction cannot be the foundation of a long-term relationship if there is no real emotional intimacy between the partners,” says family therapist and sexologist Teresa Maples-Zuvela. A deep emotional connection between partners creates an atmosphere of trust, reliability and security in a relationship.

Here are 8 tips to help develop and strengthen this connection.

1. Identify your feelings and describe them

The first thing to do is to realize that you feel something at all. “Most often, problems with understanding their own emotions occur in men, but some women are also subject to them. To the question “How do you feel?” they answer: “I don’t know.” But any living person always feels something – without exception, ”explains Teresa Maples-Zuvela.

One should not limit oneself to a superficial awareness of one’s experiences. For example, if you are “angry” or “angry”, what does that mean? What is the real reason for your anger? It can be, for example, disappointment, a feeling of betrayal by a partner, a feeling of rejection, loneliness, or something else.

2. Tell your partner about your feelings

True intimacy is impossible without understanding each other’s experiences. If you are unhappy about something in your partner’s behavior, you can say: “When you do [something], I feel [describe your experiences]. I think it would be better [offer your option].” Then give your partner the opportunity to explain how he sees this situation and offer his solution.

3. Practice sharing and listening to each other

This simple exercise will help. One of the partners talks about something important or painful, and the second listens and then tries to repeat what was said in his own words. If he succeeds, the partners switch roles, if not, they try again.

4. When spending time together, do not be distracted by extraneous things

When you spend time together, try to focus as much as possible on the current moment. “When you are together, it is important to“ be here and now ”at all levels: physically, emotionally, spiritually,” the expert emphasizes.

5. Keep your promises

“If you promised to do something around the house or go somewhere together, keep your word. If you know deep down that you will not do this, you should not scatter empty promises, ”says Teresa Maples-Zuvela.

6. Accept your partner with all his shortcomings

Try not to focus on his weaknesses. “It is important to accept the person you love as a whole — with all its petty oddities and eccentricities. After all, no one is perfect – including ourselves, ”recalls Maples-Zuvela.

7. Remember that your relationship is more important than the desires of each of the partners

Couples for whom relationships are more important than personal interests are stronger and more durable. Those who are primarily focused on their own desires usually sooner or later become disappointed in their partner. If you first of all think about the needs of a loved one, he will surely answer you in the same way.

8. Create a safe environment for your partner

“Ideally, a relationship should be a safe space, completely free from physical or verbal aggression,” Maples-Zuvela emphasizes. It is important to refuse any insults and accusations against a partner, as well as be able to admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

7 ways to strengthen emotional connection with a partner

18+

In any relationship, there comes a moment when euphoria passes, and harsh everyday life comes with unknown force. And when a conflict occurs, partners sometimes step back instead of resolving everything. Problems multiply, the old intimacy is lost… Relationship experts tell you how to improve the situation.

Tags:

Relationship psychology

Expert advice

Significant other

Vostock-media

1. Do something without him

Do not self-medicate! In our articles, we collect the latest scientific data and the opinions of authoritative health experts. But remember: only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe treatment.

When people feel that their relationship has gotten worse, they sometimes think they are moving away. In fact, personal space, oddly enough, can help build relationships! Sign up for a cooking class, let him come up with a new hobby – all this will help you think of each other as a separate person, and not a “half”.

2. Go somewhere together

Holidays together bring people together. Away from everyday life, work, relatives, people open up and calm down more. New experiences or a trip to romantic first date places – both will help you remember that you are really attached to each other.

3. Leave work at work

Checking email at dinner and phone in bed is bad not only for your personal mental health, but also for relationships. It is important to draw a line of demarcation between work and home! You can talk about a funny situation in the office, but making work the topic of the evening is not.

4. Listen to each other

Everyone can speak, but few can listen. Try talking in a new way: one opens his mouth, the other listens and stops himself whenever he wants to interrupt with a remark or addition. At first it looks strange, but it heals the relationship very well.

ADVERTISING – CONTINUED BELOW

5.