Male Orgasm: Understanding the Male Climax

A Look Behind the Scenes of the Male Climax

The fuel for the process leading to orgasm is testosterone, a hormone produced in steady supply by the testicles. The testicles also make millions of sperm each day, which mature and then are mixed with whitish, protein-rich fluids. These fluids nourish and support the sperm so they can live after ejaculation for a limited time. This mixture of fluid and sperm, known as semen, is what is moved through the urethra and out the penis during orgasm.

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The testosterone flowing through a man’s body, along with psychological factors, determines the strength of his desire for sex.

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The Role of Testosterone and Sexual Desire in Male Orgasm

Testosterone is the primary factor which drives sexual desire, says Michael Ingber, MD, a physician in urology and female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery at the Atlantic Health System in Morristown, New Jersey, and a fellow of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.

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This sexual desire, or libido, is key in kicking off the process that will lead to orgasm. If a man has no sex drive — for example, if he has clinically low testosterone or is suffering from depression — his body may not respond to sexual stimuli and he may not be able to experience orgasm.

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The Male Orgasm: Steps to Ejaculation

The steps that lead a man to successful orgasm include:

1. Arousal The man perceives something or someone that prompts sexual interest. That perception prompts the brain to send a signal down the spinal cord to the sex organs, causing an erection. The penis becomes erect when blood fills spongy tissue inside its shaft, brought by arteries that have expanded to allow blood to race in at up to 50 times its normal speed. The veins in the penis that normally drain blood out squeeze shut so that more blood remains inside, producing a firm erection. The scrotum pulls toward the body, and muscles throughout the body increase in tension.
2. Plateau The male body prepares for orgasm in this phase, which can last from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Muscle tension increases even more and involuntary body movements, particularly in the pelvis, begin to take over. The man’s heart rate increases to between 150 and 175 beats per minute, says Ingber. A clear fluid may begin to flow from the urethra. This pre-ejaculatory fluid is meant to change the pH balance of the urethra, to improve the chances of sperm survival.
3. Orgasm The orgasm itself occurs in two phases, emission and ejaculation. In emission, the man reaches ejaculatory inevitability, the “point of no return.” Semen is deposited near the top of the urethra, ready for ejaculation. Ejaculation occurs in a series of rapid-fire contractions of the penile muscles and around the base of the anus. Involuntary pelvic thrusting may also occur. The nerves causing the muscle contractions send messages of pleasure to the man’s brain.
4. Resolution and refraction After ejaculation, the penis begins to lose its erection. About half of the erection is lost immediately, and the rest fades soon after. Muscle tension fades, and the man may feel relaxed or drowsy, according to Ingber. Men usually must undergo a refractory period, or recovery phase, during which they cannot achieve another erection. This period is variable in men, says Ingber. In an 18-year-old, this is typically less than 15 minutes. In elderly men, it can be up to 10 to 20 hours. The average refractory period is about half an hour. Men differ from women in that men usually are satiated after one orgasm. Women can experience more than one orgasm with no loss of sexual arousal, and do not have to undergo a refractory period.

RELATED: Deconstructing Sex Drive: What Your Libido Says About Your Health

Male Orgasm: When There’s a Problem

Some men can have problems reaching orgasm. These most often stem from psychological factors; for example, they are still affected by a traumatic event or a restrictive upbringing, or they have fallen into masturbation patterns that could have conditioned the body to take longer to orgasm. However, the problem also can be caused by certain medications or by a neurological or cardiovascular disease, or by having surgery where nerves are cut, says Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, professor emerita at Rutgers University in Newark New Jersey, and past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

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A short-term way to address problems with orgasm involves stimulation of the penis with a vibrator or some other type of sex toy. However, to really make meaningful changes, a man may need to go through some form of sex therapy. Therapy usually involves “homework” in which a couple engages in sexual activities that reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure.

If you are consistently experiencing problems with orgasm and ejaculation, contact your doctor. A thorough medical exam and history may reveal the reason why.

Additional reporting by Dennis Thompson Jr.

12 Tips for Intense Orgasms for Men

I think it’s fair to say that every man would opt to have stronger and more intense orgasms given the option. Why wouldn’t you want to have Earth-shattering orgasms while masturbating, getting a hand job, receiving oral, or during P-in-V or anal sex?

Don’t get me wrong, any orgasm is a good orgasm (for the most part). But imagine if you could have a full-body, toe-curling orgasm every single time you climaxed? Alright, we can’t promise it’ll happen every time, but there are a bunch of sex techniques you can implement while masturbating, during sex, and outside of the bedroom that could help take your climaxes to the next level. As in, you’ll be feeling sensations throughout your entire body.

So how does one go about strengthening the male orgasm? We spent some time chatting with sexologists and poring over the latest research to see what we could find. In the end, we came up with 12 simple ways for you to take your orgasms from good to fuckin’ great. Strap in and listen up.

1. Touch your taint

If you haven’t already been introduced, meet your taint—or your perineum, if we’re getting technical. It’s the strip of skin between your balls and your butt, and it’s one of many highly erogenous zones that responds well to sexual stimulation. “This area is packed with nerve-endings, so it feels really sensitive,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coauthor of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.

Some guys say that by applying pressure to this area, they’re able to have multiple orgasms—which is probably because you can stimulate your prostate gland externally via your perineum. During intercourse or oral sex, ask your partner to place a finger here and press onto it until the pressure feels just right.

2. Try for multiple orgasms

Alas, applying pressure to your taint probably isn’t enough to start having multiple orgasms. You need to put in a little more work. Otherwise, every guy would be having multiple orgasms all the damn time.

In order to have multiple orgasms in a single session, you need to strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which stretches from the pubic bone to the tailbone. The PC muscle controls ejaculation, and you can strengthen them by doing kegel exercises. (More on those shortly!) If you can separate your ejaculation from your orgasm, you can experience the euphoria of orgasming repeatedly without any refractory period. (Head here for more details on how to become multi-orgasmic.)

3. Do kegels

“You know how women do kegel exercises and say it strengthens their vaginal orgasm? Men can do the same,” says Alex Robboy, a sex therapist in Philadelphia.

Essentially, kegel exercises are a way of contracting the muscles of the pelvic floor, which give you greater control and intensity during sex. Try lifting your penis up and down with your muscles, or even try to “write the alphabet with the tip of your penis,” suggests Robboy.

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4. Eat an orgasm-friendly diet

Getting in shape will help every facet of your sex life, and part of getting in shape is eating better.Start with greens. Spinach helps dilate blood vessels, which can increase blood flow to the genitals. Other greens like kale, cabbage, and bok choy are good sources of folate, which helps reproductive health.

Next, make sure you’re eating eggs. They’re rich in B vitamins, which ease stress and are important for a healthy libido, which means better orgasms. Finally, get down with some oatmeal. Oats and whole grains are one of the few natural ways to boost testosterone in your bloodstream. More testosterone equals stronger orgasms.

5. Try edging

Delayed gratification can be hard to master, but when it comes to your orgasm, it’s well worth it. A study in the Journal of Sex Research advocated “edging,” or the practice of purposefully delaying orgasm for a more intense climax. The study showed that if people paused when they were about 90 percent of the way to climax, and then resumed after slowing down a bit, their eventual orgasm was way more powerful.

It’s an easy way to amp up your game: Bring yourself to the “edge” of your orgasm, slow down, pause, and then start back up again. Try to do this two or three times before letting yourself go.

6. Find your G-spot (a.k.a. the prostate)

It turns out that men have an equivalent to the G-spot: the prostate. You can stimulate it externally by applying pressure to your perineum, but if you’re interested in maximizing pleasure—and you’re feeling a little adventurous—you’ll have to do a little anal probing.

Have your partner lube up the soft pad of a finger and stick it about 2 inches inside your butt. You’ll know the spot when you feel it: it’s a small, chestnut-sized lump that feels super sensitive. Once you get there, apply some pressure and light thrusting.

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The hormone that helps you orgasm is the same one that your body produces when you root for your favorite sports team, lift weights at the gym, or watch Game of Thrones.

Research from Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece found that when you have more T in your bloodstream, you’re more likely to orgasm—and do it big. Before your next romp, try some testosterone-boosting activities like going for a run.

8. Stroke your sack

Just before you ejaculate, your testicles rise up near your body to give more power to your ejaculation. “If you press gently upward on the testicles just before ejaculation, it’s likely to be very arousing,” says Goldman.

Ask your partner to place the palm of their hand upward on your balls, moving them a little closer to your body. It’ll heighten your arousal and increase the intensity of your orgasm.

9. Focus on the physical

Sometimes during sex, you’ll get lost in your head—thinking about how hot your partner is, pondering the best porn you’ve ever watched, or even thinking about what’s for dinner. For a better orgasm, return to your body.

Think about it like this: If you’re running, you’ll get a completely different workout if you’re letting your mind wander than if you’re completely concentrating on your form. “Focus on the physical sensation,” says Robboy, and you’ll feel your body responding differently.

10. Just breathe

“This comes from tantric sex, where you’re supposed to move the stroke with your breath,” says Goldman.

Zero in on your breath, and try to slow it down until it’s in tune with your thrusts. When you’re just about to come, you’ll notice your heart rate and breathing naturally start to speed up—but keeping it slower will improve the amount of oxygen and blood flow that reaches your genitals, making your climax even stronger.

Mentally, you may want to go for another round after achieving a great orgasm, but most guys physically can’t get another erection immediately following sex. “A refractory period is the time after a man ejaculates when he is no longer able to have an erection,” Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, previously told Men’s Health. This period is different for every guy and can last anywhere from minutes to a full day.

However, there are ways to shorten this phase, she explains. The best way to decrease refractory time is by increasing arousal. “This could be doing something different, like trying out a toy or talking dirty (or dirtier than usual). Even small changes can be just the novelty and excitement needed to rev up the engines for round two,” she said.

12. Lower your blood pressure

First, you should maintain a low blood pressure for the sake of your overall health. However, keeping your blood pressure low can also help with your sex life. That’s because damage from high blood pressure limits blood flow throughout your body–including the penis. This can make it difficult to maintain erections. Plus, high blood pressure is linked to problems with ejaculation and reduced sexual desire, according to the Mayo Clinic.

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Yes, Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms: A Step-By-Step Guide

When performed correctly, Kegels offer sexual benefits for every gender, especially when it comes to sexual health and orgasm intensity. “Men who strengthen the pelvic floor muscles can learn to develop better ejaculatory control. That’s where it all starts,” says Wise, noting that Kothari (1989) described a lab study with a 30-year-old man who “accidentally” became multiorgasmic a year after occasionally performing pubococcygeal (PC) muscle exercise. (Learn how to do perfect Kegels here.)

Sync your body and mind.

To connect your intention—multiple orgasms—with your physical experience, Wise says you’ll need to learn how to better sync your body and mind. To achieve this, try alternating touching any part of your genitals with thinking about touching your genitals as a practice of getting attuned to sensations from the body and linking them to your mind. “Remember, neurons that fire together wire together,” says Wise. “When a neuron, or cell in the nervous system, becomes activated along with other neurons, the connections between them are strengthened. As neurons are repeatedly activated together, these pathways strengthen, which is actually the basis of all learning.” 

Stop focusing on intercourse.

To be able to experience multiple orgasms during sex, many of them non-ejaculatory, you need to actually be tuned into these sensations during sex. Stop focusing on intercourse and start viewing the bedroom as a playground, Wise says. By getting rid of the goal of orgasm (thrust and thrust to get to that one explosive release, then you’re done), you start to tune into all the different types of pleasure that are available to you. For example, Wise suggests gazing into your partner’s eyes to foster feelings of connection and intimacy that can build up your sexual energy. Tapping into surges of pleasure that aren’t all related to stimulating your penis is key to experiencing orgasms without ejaculation. 

Better Male Orgasm Expert Tips

A good orgasm for a man is the sexual equivalent of a cold beer at the end of the workday: a satisfying reward for a job well done. The job in this case is pleasing you. A major part of the satisfaction men get from sex is the ego boost that results from making our partners go bonkers in bed.

The point is that a lot of men won’t allow themselves to savor their own orgasm until they’ve accomplished that goal. “Performing comes first; my orgasm comes second,” says Will. “There are times when I just want to come, but basically my goal is for my wife to find every sexual encounter totally fulfilling.”

Sex therapists will tell you that although this approach is admirable — better that men be too concerned with their partners’ orgasms than not at all concerned — it can nonetheless constitute a form of voluntary sensory deprivation. By reining in their passion, many men deprive themselves of the sexual abandon that produces the strongest orgasms. “Sex becomes a battle to make sure she has an orgasm, rather than a mutual sharing of enjoyment,” says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Washington, DC, and coauthor of Male Sexual Awareness.

The solution? Give your man the night off. Encourage him to focus on enjoying himself without worrying about taking care of you. There are two basic ways to go about this. One is to tell him, as your lovemaking heats up, that you want this one to be all for him, that tonight he should do whatever makes him feel good. The other is to encourage him to lie back passively and let himself be pleasured by you. Sex therapists say this is a better method, because it enables him to concentrate completely on what he’s feeling, rather than on what he’s doing. The same should go for you when he returns the favor another night: Ideally, both of you will regularly take turns teaching the other delightful lessons in the art of orgasmic appreciation.

One caution: Michael Seiler, Ph.D., a marriage and sex therapist at the Phoenix Institiute in Chicago, says many men find it difficult to let go of control during sex. Don’t be surprised, then, if it takes a while before your husband is comfortable turning the reins completely over to you. Be patient, but be firm. He’ll learn to love it.

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Hands Free Orgasm: How To Do It

A hands free orgasm is when you have a sexual climax without using hands. As long as you are not using your hands to stimulate your body, it is considered hands free. This type of orgasm can be achieved solo or with a partner. 

According to certified sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, MS, in MindBodyGreen,  you should approach exploring a hands free orgasm with a sense of curiosity to tap into any pleasure sensations you feel in your body. 

How Does It Work?

There are many ways to achieve a hands free orgasm. Both people with a vagina or penis can experience a hands free orgasm. 

Here are ways to try to achieve a hands free orgasm:

Humping and grinding. People with a vulva or a penis can grind or hump to pleasure themselves. You can use blankets, pillows, or couch cushions to rub against. Use the friction to reach orgasm. You can also use a vibrator to grind on. 

Orgasmic breathing. This is the practice of breathing intentionally and specifically to achieve orgasm for sexual pleasure. Using orgasmic breathing can also help elongate your hands-on orgasm. You can do this in a quiet, comfortable place. This method will take practice, but can be done with a partner, too. 

Use sex toys. To achieve a hands free orgasm with sex toys, you’ll want to try vibrators that go in underwear for people with vulvas or cock rings for people with penises. Remote controlled vibrators can be done with a partner. Dildos with suction cups can be helpful, because you can attach it anywhere to use it and have an orgasm.  

Try water play. This can be pleasurable for people with vulvas. If you have a shower head that detaches you can use that and direct it to your clitoris.

Practice kegels and muscle clenching. This technique works for people with vulvas and penises. Using your pelvic floor, you can do kegel exercises to increase arousal and stimulate your genitals. Try clenching and unclenching repeatedly to stimulate your prostate or clitoris. 

Myths About a Hands Free Orgasm

Myth: Only women can have a mental orgasm. A mental stimulation is a useful tactic for having a hands free orgasm. Both men and women can have a mental orgasm. It’s all about stimulating yourself in your mind. Some sex researchers have referred to the brain as the major sex organ. 

Myth: You don’t need to masturbate if you’re in a relationship. Masturbation is a normal part of most people’s lives. Even people in healthy relationships will masturbate. There are many reasons that a person will masturbate for the sensation or stress relief, that doesn’t require a sexual exchange with their partner. 

How to Try the Hands Free Orgasm Safely

A hands free orgasm can happen with a partner, or you can do it solo. For a fun twist, you and your partner can try to achieve a solo hands free orgasms together. It’s important to know how you regularly orgasm. Hands free orgasms can be challenging to start with.

Before you start, you should get aroused in order to achieve the orgasm. You’ll want to focus on the sensations, and be relaxed and comfortable.  

It might be a good idea to try a hands free orgasm on your own first before trying it with your partner. Either way, you should try to talk about a plan with your partner for how you see this experience happening. 

The first time you try to reach a hands free orgasm, it may not work. Just be patient with yourself and your partner. Even if you don’t orgasm, it’s all about the pleasure you feel from it.  

The best way to have a hands free orgasm is to practice. Finding the right technique for yourself takes time and patience. In the meantime, you can become more mindful of the sensations you’re feeling by edging, which is getting close but not quite achieving orgasm. 

What Does The Male Orgasm Feel Like? 10 Men Reveal What’s Really Going On When They Come

If you read up on research behind what a male orgasm feels like, you’ll learn they experience things like increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and rapid breathing. But hearing people with penises explain what it feels like to come in their own words lets you in on the experience in a whole new way.

Though the physical signs of an orgasm may look similar from person to person, they’re by no means all the same. For example, you might not have known that people with penises can orgasm without ejaculation. And while it’s impossible for people with penises to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms with no refractory period, they can still have multiple orgasms.

There are typically four steps leading up to ejaculation during a male orgasm. They include arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution and refraction. During arousal, blood flows into the penis at 50 times its normal rate which — you guessed it — leads to an erection. During the plateau phase, which only lasts between 30 seconds and two minutes, the person’s heartbeat starts to increase, basically in preparation for an orgasm. And in case you were wondering, as Everyday Health explains, orgasms feel so good because nerves causing the muscle contractions tell the brain it’s experiencing pleasure.

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But “good” only scrapes the surface when it comes to what an orgasm feels like, according to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology about how sex can affect brain rhythms. “Sex is a source of pleasurable sensations and emotional connection, but beyond that, it’s actually an altered state of consciousness,” Adam Safron, PhD, the author of the study “What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment,” told Science Daily. ” … I wasn’t expecting to find that sexual activity was so similar to music and dance, not just in the nature of the experiences, but also in that evolutionarily, rhythm-keeping ability may serve as a test of fitness for potential mates.”

Some researchers claim that the orgasmic experience is almost identical for everyone, but it’s important to remember that people have different needs, expectations, and behaviors leading up to the Big O. To find out the truth about the male orgasm, we went straight to the mouths of some people with penises.

Read on for what these 10 people had to say about what the male orgasm actually feels like to them — from the weird fantasies they experience right before it, to what they do after (nap), and the feeling that they might just die before it’s over.

1. The Male Orgasm Is Like An Explosion That Lasts 3-5 Seconds

For Bob, 26, orgasms can happen quickly or take tame some time. “Depending on the situation, it’s either a slow or quick buildup, followed by an insane explosion that lasts three to five seconds,” he tells Bustle. But then the afterthoughts kick in. “Then you either feel shame, or a feeling of ‘Yeah, all right, I totally had sex,’ which is immediately followed by a need to nap.”

2. The Male Orgasm Feels Like A Tickle

When Eric, 25, comes, it’s like a gunshot. “A male orgasm feels like the onset of a dire need at the very same moment that it’s being fulfilled, in slow motion,” he tells Bustle. Like a voracious, mind-shattering thirst just as a waterfall begins to surge down towards you from above. Like a tickle that creeps up from every corner of your body until you’re desperate for it to stop and also to continue forever, as if squeegees are scraping through your limbs. Like a gunshot, startling and discreet, leaving you with the vibrations, the trembling steel, the blow-back.”

3. Coming Makes You Feel Both Helpless & In Control

Matt, 26, says the male orgasm is a whole body experience. “It kind of transcends a pure physical feeling,” he tells Bustle. “It’s like a whole body and mind numbness, where for a few brief seconds you strangely feel both helpless yet in complete control, mentally vacant while the entirety of your tactile sense rushes to a single point of exit. “

4. A Male Orgasm Is Like A Video Game

For Mark, 26, what happens when a man comes is quite simple, really. “There is no need to explain the male orgasm in great detail, because there’s no great detail about it,” Mark tells Bustle. “Your dick gets hard, like, ‘What’s up. I’m here to party’ … sometimes well before the party has even started. Your dick gets warm (full party mode), then it feels like it’s going to explode, like a power-up in a video game. Then you’re done.”

5. It’s A “Robotic State”

For 30-year-old Jason, having an orgasm is a bit of a mind game. “It’s like you’re wandering through this robotic state,” Jason tells Bustle. “My mind starts thinking about all these weird fantasies, and once I finish, everything becomes clear again. Everything just makes sense for a few seconds afterward. It’s hard to explain.”

6. Climaxing Is A Vulnerable Experience

Alan, 27, says coming inside someone is more intense than an orgasm from masturbating. “First of all, the male orgasm when you’re having sex is way different from when you’re just jerking off,” Alan tells Bustle. “When I jerk off, it’s just for a means to an end. But when I actually come inside someone, it’s like this climax that you’re passing on to someone else — this intense feeling that’s happening when you’re literally in another person. There’s nothing that makes me feel more vulnerable.”

7. The Male Orgasm Is Better With Edging

Peter, 23, is a fan of the masturbation technique edging to control orgasms. “Male orgasms are most intense when you try to hold out for as long as possible,” Peter tells Bustle. “If you just let it go once you feel like you’re almost there, it’s still great. But being on the edge of one and pulling back in order to go for longer creates this really powerful buildup that’s totally worth the self-control it takes to get there.”

8. The Male Orgasm Is Short & Sweet

Jesse, 26, has been taking notes on his partner’s orgasm for comparison. “I’ve noticed that my girlfriend’s orgasms are definitely longer,” Jesse tells Bustle. “Ours really are just a few seconds if we’re lucky. A quick burst; maybe like three to five seconds, tops. Don’t get me wrong, they feel great, but I have a feeling that you ladies have it better in the orgasm department.”

9. It’s A Pressure That Builds & Falls

Kyle, 22, has getting off down to a science. “A pressure builds, and keeps building until you can’t hold it in anymore,” Kyle tells Bustle. “There’s a threshold that you cross when you know that once you release, you’re done. What follows is like that pressure building and falling, but every time it builds, you let out more (which is why it doesn’t just gush out in one go, and it comes out in steady intervals).”

10. The Male Orgasm Is Relieving

For Stephen, 22, the male orgasm feels like, well, peeing. “It begins as a welling of pressure deep within. The contractions build, and as you start to ejaculate, it feels like the best piss you’ve ever taken,” Stephen tells Bustle. But in a good way, of course. “Like the greatest relief ever. This whole time, all you want to do is hold onto whoever you’re doing it with, just grab them and hold on for dear life, because sometimes you’re pretty sure you’re going to die.”

Studies referenced:

Safron, A. (2016). What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 6(1). doi: 10.3402/snp.v6.31763

This article was originally published on May 26, 2015

Oh Man! 6 Fun Facts About Male Orgasms

Men can have an orgasm without ejaculating. Yes, it’s true—not all men ejaculate with orgasm! We tend to think of the male orgasm as ejaculating or “cumming,” however men can have an orgasm without emitting any fluid. And guess what? It can feel just as great!

__How long do guys need to “rest” after orgasm before starting another hooking up session? __

Most men need time to “recharge” after orgasm and ejaculation. After an orgasm, most males are not able to have another orgasm for a period of time even with continued stimulation. That time frame can be anywhere from minutes to hours or even a day. For younger men this time period is typically much shorter, however the amount of time varies between men.

So does that mean they can’t have multiple orgasms?

Men can be multiorgasmic! Some few men can have multiple orgasms during the same sexual encounter. However, this is not common and there are a few things you should know about them. First, as mentioned in the previous point, some men may take less time between ejaculations than others. So for those whose refractory period is shorter, it may appear that they are having multiple orgasms. Secondly, as mentioned before, some men can have orgasms without ejaculating. It is the ejaculation process that requires time between them. So, if a man has an orgasm without ejaculating, then he could potentially have a second or third orgasm with or without ejaculation. Remember, even though multiple male orgasms is possible, it is not all that common and sexual activity can be plenty enjoyable and satisfying with just one orgasm or even none.

Thanks Dr. Needle!

Smitten Kittens, is any of this information new to you? Have you been with a guy who can jump right back into the action after he orgasms? Or have your partners all needed a break (or more!) between sessions? And have you ever suspect a partner of faking an orgasm?

P.S. Dr. Rachel Needle is a Licensed Psychologist and a Certified Sex Therapist; she is in private practice. Want to keep up with her? Feel free to follow her on Twitter or Facebook.

Orgasms aplenty!

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90,000 Anorgasmia in men: what to do if you can’t reach orgasm

Vanessa Marin

Licensed psychotherapist, author of over 700 publications in The New York Times, Buzzfeed, Esquire, GQ and other publications. Since 2002, he has been engaged in sex therapy, counseling couples in matters of sexual life.

Investigate the problem

Just admitting that you have a sexual problem can upset any man.But in order to solve it, it is important to take the time to study your body. Ask yourself questions: have problems with orgasm always happened or has it started recently? Do they appear when having sex with a particular partner? Or at certain moments in your life? Is it difficult to achieve orgasm all the time or from time to time?

The presence and quality of an orgasm can be due to various reasons, and you need to understand well the nature of your problem before moving on to the next step.

See a doctor

The doctor will examine and order the necessary tests to confirm or exclude the medical nature of the problem. Often, the inability to reach orgasm is associated with medication, such as antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs. The problem may be related to the use of antipsychotic and pain relievers, beta-blockers and blood pressure medications. The causes of sexual dysfunctions can also lie in the body itself, here are the most common ones:

• depression and anxiety;
• hormonal imbalance;
• Thyroid Disorders;
• Disorders in the work of the pituitary gland;
• problems with the nervous system.

Reconsider your approach to parties

If you notice orgasm problems the day after a noisy party, think about it. Strange, but many do not associate a binge lifestyle with sexual dysfunction. Men know that drinking alcohol helps to increase the duration of intercourse, but do not think about the fact that such a practice can lead to long-term consequences.

If you are having difficulty with orgasm, refrain from drinking alcohol (and of course, more serious substances), or at least drink it in moderation.

Experiment in masturbation

Many men who have difficulty with orgasm can easily achieve it on their own, and problems manifest themselves only in sexual relations with a woman. The point is that masturbation teaches the body to a certain type of stimulation. If you always use a firm grip, a particular technique, or watch porn, your body will eventually adjust to your habits. As a result, you may become more indifferent to stimulation that is not part of your normal masturbation routine.

Do not make the process of self-satisfaction a routine, experiment and do not masturbate the same way more than half the time. Apply different pressure to the penis, use both hands, invent new techniques and periodically use your imagination instead of watching porn. Don’t be afraid to share your masturbation addictions with your partner: including manual stimulation in erotic games will also help shorten the path to orgasm.

Feel free of your emotions

Often the causes of sexual dysfunction are psychological in nature. It is sometimes difficult to get to the true sources of a problem, but here are the most common ones.

Feelings of guilt

The problem may lie in the upbringing: tabooing the topic of sex in the family or equating lovemaking with sin can cause future disorders.

Fear of conceiving a child

The hidden reason for the inability to achieve orgasm may be the fear of impregnating the partner, and this may be due to hidden doubts, even if the couple is aiming at conception.

Fear of catching STDs

Such fears usually appear when having sex with an unfamiliar woman.

Psychological problems associated with childhood violence

The stereotype that only women are victims of violence is incorrect. Such experiences can have a detrimental effect on a man’s sexual health.

Problems in relations with a partner

Quarrels and discord within a couple have an impact on the quality of sexual intercourse, in particular on the achievement of orgasm.

Stress

Anxiety about everyday problems and failures at work affects all spheres of a man’s life, and sexual is no exception.

If you find that you have any of the above factors, try to get rid of it. If this is difficult to achieve on your own, see a therapist.

A member is not a machine that always functions smoothly, bringing pleasure to you and your partner.

The body reacts to everything that happens in your life, and if you have sexual problems, then the psychological factor is one of the first things you need to work on.

Forget about stereotypes

There is a stereotype that women need sexual foreplay and a certain mood to achieve orgasm, and men can get satisfaction anytime, anywhere, with someone. This stereotype is wrong: the reasons for not being able to reach orgasm can also lie in the absence of foreplay and the right mood.

There is also a stereotype that a man’s goal in sex is to show himself as stubborn, intense and “long” as possible. As a result, many are overly concerned about making an impression on a woman and completely forget about themselves.

Your pleasure is just as important as your partner’s – remember to periodically remind yourself of this.

Use extra stimulation

Everyone sometimes needs extra stimulation: an orgasm doesn’t come out of nowhere. Ask your partner about oral sex or manual stimulation: in these moments, you are not puzzled about how to impress a woman, but are focused on your pleasure.If you can’t achieve orgasm with traditional sex, experiment: create a mood with porn, use sex toys, watch yourself and your partner in the mirror, initiate role-playing games.

Remember that sex is not only what precedes orgasm, but also the reason why orgasms are so enjoyable.

“I’m 28 and I’ve never had an orgasm …”

August 5, 2018

Photo by, iStock / BBC Tree

Anorgasmia is one of the rarest sexual disorders in men.

The author wishes to remain anonymous

about Sexual article for adults only.

I have my own apartment in Leeds – small but nice. Every Wednesday I play soccer with my friends. Then we go for a beer. I love cycling and spend my weekends mostly in the saddle.

Last summer I took part in a charity bike ride from London to Paris.I go to work in a suit, and when I accidentally see myself in the mirror, I involuntarily think: “It looks like normal …”

But I don’t feel normal.

I suffer from anorgasmia – an inability to reach orgasm despite stimulation. This is one of the rarest sexual dysfunctions among men, although, according to statistics, only about 25% of men reach orgasm with every sexual intercourse.

Anorgasmia – a disorder where a person never has an orgasm during sexual contact with another person – occurs for various reasons. Sometimes the cause is physical – for example, a consequence of prostate surgery. But often, as in my case, the reason is psychological.

When I was 12 years old, a family friend tried to rape me. I think it’s because of this trauma that I’m unable to reach orgasm with another person. I am beginning to be inclined to think that I will not succeed. Ever since adolescence, this has prevented me from building a serious relationship.

When I was younger, I pretended it didn’t matter, or told myself that sooner or later I would figure it out.I brought girls home and we had sex, and after a while my erection disappeared and we both felt awkward.

Some girls joked that they “hit the jackpot” – they found a guy with whom you can make love endlessly. But after a few months of their relationship, they were all very disappointed that I never get to the end.

They thought that for some reason they did not satisfy me. I tried to calm them down, and in the end they always asked what the problem was, and I couldn’t share the real reason with anyone.

Photo by iStock / BBC Three

The longest sex in my life lasted about two hours. Honestly, in the end, we both were already sad. The girl clearly did not get pleasure, but thought only of me and “how soon will it be” – this only increased my anxiety.

For a while I closed my eyes to this, but friends started to marry and start families, and I am still alone. The further, the more scary it is for me to imagine how I lead a new girl into the bedroom, and then I see her face when she realizes that I am “defective.”However, it is no less scary to imagine that I will spend the rest of my life on my own.

I realized the seriousness of my problem at the age of 17 when I first tried to have sex. At that time, my girlfriend and I dated for almost a year, both were virgins and I think I was in love with her.

I started masturbating when I was 13, and even then I “finished” only half the time. Even as a teenager, even though I got aroused and had an erection, I ended up getting tired and had to stop.But I thought that with the girl this problem would go away.

We had sex for the first time on Saturday afternoon. I clearly remember that day – the sun was peeking into her bedroom window, her parents left for the weekend. We planned everything and were very happy. We started kissing and caressing each other. I had an erection, and my friend was noticeably worried – it even calmed me down, which means that she also does not know what to do, as I do.

When we finally got to the bottom of the matter, I suddenly thought: “What if I can’t do it? What if I’m inferior?” I don’t know where this thought came from.I got nervous and lost my erection. We made several more attempts the same day – I went limp again, had to stop and saw that my friend was more and more embarrassed by this.

Only the next morning, after having spent a tense night – lying in the same bed, but not touching each other, we finally managed to have sexual intercourse. This time I kept my erection, and after about 30 minutes of sex I was confused and didn’t know what to do. I understood that there would be no ejaculation and that everything would continue like this until the erection disappeared again.So I decided to fake an orgasm.

I still don’t know if my friend believed me, but at least she was not offended. Since then, I have had to do this several times – after all, sometimes women are offended by the lack of orgasm, because they think that the reason is in them, as if I do not find them attractive. In fact, this is not at all the case, but sometimes it is easier to pretend as if “already” than to talk about your problem, and even more so about its origins.

Photo by iStock / BBC Thrre

Over the years I have tried to “cure” myself with pornography.If I masturbate while watching porn, I can sometimes have an orgasm on my own. It seems like porn shuts off my thinking and allows me to focus solely on the sensations. And with age, I realized that this takes the form of addiction, but with living people it only becomes more difficult for me.

Sometimes I want to ask a girl if she would mind watching porn together when starting sex. However, given that I rarely have more than several dates with the same person, this is somehow wrong.I think that it would be possible to try with a loved one whom I trust. Perhaps it would help.

I recently tried to share this problem with a few male friends and found that most of them also remember times when they were unable to achieve orgasm or erection. And after their words of support (“Who does not happen, dude!”), It is even more difficult for me to explain that my problem is deeper.

A few weeks ago I started seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in sexual trauma.We’re talking about what kind of excitement I have associated with intimacy and orgasm. But most of all I get my sight when I try to describe my feelings during arousal. I guess I’ve never described them in words before. In short, my excitement is accompanied by a strong fear: “Now I will ruin everything!” This fear and this thought are throbbing in my head.

For a long time I felt very lonely in my experiences. You can often read about anorgasmia in women, but not in men.And if somewhere they write about men, then their emotions are usually hushed up.

For years I thought there were no more people like me. However, conversations with a psychotherapist convinced me that in fact there are many of them.

I have come to terms with the possibility that I may never reach orgasm with another person. At the same time, I suspect that I simply do not allow myself real intimacy – such as to completely trust my partner.

So I decided to temporarily skip dating until I figured out what I really want out of the relationship.And this does not upset me – on the contrary, I think this is the first step to recovery.

Records la journalist a VVS Three Alexander

01 a or why 9000 can not reach an orgasm 9000

Anorgasmia is a form of sexual dysfunction when a man or woman cannot reach orgasm.Anorgasmia is primary, secondary, or absolute. Primary is observed at the very beginning of sexual activity. Secondary occurs as a result of psychological or physical distress after a period of normal sexual experience. Absolute anorgasmia is a very rare occurrence, since in this case, a man or woman, in principle, does not experience an orgasm.

More about anorgasmia in men

It is more difficult for a man to notice and track any irregularities in achieving orgasm than for a woman, since ejaculation is always accompanied by a feeling of relief.With normal intercourse, the onset of orgasm always occurs a few seconds before ejaculation. If ejaculation is disturbed or problems with reaching orgasm, ejaculation may occur without a feeling of satisfaction, or orgasm occurs without ejaculation. With a normal erection, a man may not feel pleasure from intercourse at all, or experience an orgasm in the form of weak sensations.

Orgasm is closely related to the emotional state of a man. If he makes love to a woman he likes, then the experience of orgasm will be vivid and impressive.But disgust for your partner, fear, depression and depression can lead to dulling pleasure. Excessive stress, when a man tries to interrupt early sexual intercourse in order to avoid pregnancy of a woman, also causes a depressing effect on erotic experiences.

However, the reasons for disturbed orgasm are not only psychological. Men who have problems with erection or who have impaired ejaculation will also not experience vivid emotions during orgasm.Diseases of the reproductive or endocrine system, frequent stress and taking medications for their treatment, alcoholism, drug addiction, prolonged depression are the most serious causes of sexual dysfunctions.

How to cure anorgasmia?

If the cause of anorgasmia lies in the psyche and the emotional sphere, then this ailment can be cured by contacting a psychologist. A man does not always want to admit his problems in the field of sex life. This is a big blow to the leader’s pride. However, if orgasm disorders have become the norm, then reality should not be denied.Qualified help will allow you to re-enjoy sexual relations and restore self-confidence.

In the early stages of anorgasmia, you can try to change your lifestyle. Stop abusing alcohol and tobacco, avoid stress, take a vacation, sort out your relationship with your partner, move more and eat healthy food. However, these tips are useful for secondary anorgasmia not associated with physical illness.

If anorgasmia is accompanied by problems with erection, ejaculation or other physical ailments, you should immediately consult a doctor.You should also consult a specialist for primary or absolute anorgasmia.

Such violations cannot be ignored. With prolonged anorgasmia, prostatism syndrome develops. This syndrome is characteristic of young men from 20 to 30 years old who do not have a constant sex life. Such guys have increased sexual excitability, frequent urge to urinate, they experience discomfort in the genital area and dull pain in the perineum. In the future, problems with erection and ejaculation may develop.

Read more about:

Female anorgasmia: causes, effects and methods of solving sexual problems

“The main attribute of good sex is emotional closeness”: sexologist Oleg Mashkin

What needs to be done to make sex life enjoyable not only for the body, but also for the brain, what are the most frequent requests related to the intimate sphere of life, and when is it time to see a specialist? “City Reporter” asked difficult questions about intimate life to sexologist, psychologist, hypnotherapist, member of the East European Association of Hypnotherapists and Clinical Psychologists Oleg Mashkin.

– Oleg, what problems do they address to you?

– Basically, I am contacted for questions of sex life and interpersonal relationships. Men and women want to improve their sex life, get rid of problems such as anorgasmia (complete or partial inability to get an orgasm during sex – ed.) , lack of potency, lack of attraction, problems with obtaining sexual pleasure.

– More often come those who have been married for many years or a couple at the initial stages of a relationship?

– Couples who are in crises and just guys in relationships come. Now many people understand that it is better to immediately resolve issues of a sexual nature, and not crush or postpone it.

– Do they contact you one at a time or in pairs? Women or men?

– Previously, more women were converted.Now the number of men and women among my clients is approximately the same. People generally come singly, rarely in pairs.

Now many people understand that it is better to deal with sexual issues right away, and not to crush or postpone them.

– And what problems do men address?

– Lack of potency, attraction to your woman. Well, sometimes they come on the issues of personal growth too.

– It is widely believed that impotence is always a psychological problem…. Is it so?

– In 95% of cases – yes. The remaining 5% are diseases of the cardiovascular system, diabetes mellitus, physiological damage.

– Well, who should you contact if the problem is not in your head?

– There is such a doctor called an andrologist. He deals with the sexual problems of men. Women – to the gynecologist, respectively.The easiest way to determine if you need to see a sexologist, psychologist, sexologist-doctor is to go and get tested for testosterone. If the indicators are below normal, then you need to contact a sexologist-doctor. If within the normal range, then you should visit a sexologist-psychologist. For women, in the presence of problems, but the absence of physiological damage and a normal hormonal background – also to a sexologist-psychologist.

The mechanism of getting an orgasm is identical in men and women, but a woman, with certain skills, can get much more pleasure than a man

– Do people with a different orientation come to you, if so, with what problems? Is homosexuality a deviation or one of the variants of the norm?

– Yes, gay people are coming.I work with them mainly on self-esteem, finding a way to realize oneself in life, self-actualizing oneself as a person and accepting one’s sexuality. Yes, and in medicine all over the world homosexuality is considered to be a norm, not a disease.

– Let’s get back to basics. What determines a person’s sexuality? What it is?

– Sexuality has three components – congenital conditions (hormonal background, general condition of the body, etc.)the psychological component, depending on upbringing, beliefs, and there are social – restrictions that do not allow us to show certain sexual patterns of behavior, because they are not accepted in society.

– Some scholars have argued that humans are bisexual in nature.

– Not some, but grandfather Freud. If we consider a person as an animal, then, yes, bisexuality is present in every person. But then again, we have a society that makes us monogamous, monosexual, and that’s as normal as being bisexual.

Physical pleasure is directly proportional to female emotional closeness. In men, this correlation is much less, but it also exists. That is, it is better to have sex with a partner with whom you really want it emotionally

– What hinders the enjoyment of sexual relations?

– If there are no physiological problems, then this emotional state is a general emotional background, plus the influence of fatigue, chronic stress, vitamin deficiency, depression.All these factors worsen the quality of life in general. And if we talk specifically about the sexual sphere, then these are blocks, mental clamps and trauma that limit sexual behavior and create problems in sexual life.

– So we’re almost at the climax. By the way, about the climax. What is an orgasm? And how does it differ between men and women?

– Orgasm is a complex psychophysiological process, the foundations of which lie in the corresponding areas of the brain.Excitation of specific zones of brain pleasure leads to the objective manifestation of orgasm, as the culmination of sexual arousal, physiological release. The mechanism of getting an orgasm is identical for men and women, but a woman, with certain skills, can get much more pleasure than a man. A man can also develop the appropriate skills, but it will be much more difficult for him to do so. In comparison, eight muscles are involved in a male orgasm, while in a female, the highest known value is 263 muscles.

You need to talk about everything in order for a couple to have a healthy, harmonious relationship – you need to talk about your needs

– If a woman does not have an orgasm, can a sexologist help in this matter and how?

– There is such a thing as sex therapy. These are certain exercises that a client performs with their partner in order to improve the quality of their sex life. It is currently the most effective treatment for sexual dysfunctions in both men and women.

– Is it harmful to abstain from sex for a long time?

– To maintain the normal hormonal levels of the body, sex is required. Sexual life takes an essential part in hormonal regulation. In its absence, these processes are compensated, that is, the body begins to produce less hormones necessary for normal life. Accordingly, the quality of life will decline. Well, besides physiology…. Also not interesting.

– I see. And what should be done to make sex “quality”? What are the attributes of good sex?

– The first and main attribute of good sex is emotional closeness with a partner, emotional compatibility. For women, this is a very important aspect, much more important than receiving physiological pleasure. Emotional satisfaction is the main thing for a woman in sexual intercourse. Physical pleasure is directly proportional to female emotional closeness.In men, this correlation is much less, but it also exists. That is, it is better to have sex with a partner with whom you really want it emotionally.

Better sublimation of lack of sex through pornography than satisfaction on the side

– What influences the appearance of sexual desire, or is it already a given, a kind of “chemistry”, as it is now fashionable to say? And can this attraction appear if initially it is not there?

– There are two criteria that are responsible for this.The first is sexual compatibility, the second is the sexual constitution. Accordingly, if the difference in these characteristics in a pair is large, then there is a difference in needs. If the gap is not very large, the problem can be resolved. First of all, sex drive is a hormonal factor, it depends on the testosterone levels in both men and women. If everything is in order with this hormone, the attraction can be psychologically suppressed. You need to talk about everything in order for a couple to have a healthy, harmonious relationship – you need to talk about your needs.

– Oh, about “talking” … There is another hot topic – the sex education of children. At what age should you start talking to them about sex?

– From the very beginning. The first stage in the development of sexuality in children (getting to know their bodies, understanding the differences between boys and girls) begins at the age of 5–6, although parents usually do not notice this. Now there is a lot of good literature on this topic for different ages, there is all the necessary information presented in a form that is understandable for children.For example: “Dad’s sperm met mom’s egg, they became friends, and a baby appeared.”

– How harmful is watching pornography to teenagers? And in general to people?

– It hurts teenagers. But not as much as parents would like to think. This sublimates social behavior in the society of peers of the opposite sex, that is, it somewhat reduces activity. On the one hand, this is bad, on the other hand, it is good, since it acts as a barrier to the early onset of sexual activity.

– Excellent. Now we know that stories about storks do not make any sense, and even young children normally perceive information that a certain process is taking place between parents, if it is correctly told about it. So, about the process …. How long does intercourse last on average?

– Sex is considered normal for 2 minutes or longer. On average, a man has sex for 8 minutes before reaching orgasm (without foreplay), and a girl needs 15 minutes to reach orgasm.Therefore, it is recommended to start the process with foreplay in order to even out this difference between a man and a woman.

– By the way, here’s another interesting question. Young ladies on the forums are often interested in how to reconcile and accept the husband’s hobby for pornography in the presence of normal sex in the family?

– The question was posed incorrectly. Why put up with it? If a woman really needs to come to terms with this, it means that she is very jarred – and the question is in her. Let’s say they have a normal sex life, everyone is happy, but a man lacks this sex, and he examines the lack of pornography.Most likely, this indicates a different sexual constitution. But sublimation of lack of sex through pornography is better than satisfaction on the side, what do you think?

– Women are often afraid of viewing pornography by their partners, motivating it by the fact that: “He will see all sorts of perversions there and demand it from me.”

– Perversions? My opinion about “perversions” is that there is sexual behavior that causes physical harm. This is considered abnormal.Everything else, with the exception of what causes physical or psychological harm to the partner, can be considered the norm. Anything both partners want is the norm. If someone does not want to, but agrees because the partner is forcing, this is emotional abuse, this is not the norm.

In the 20th century, sleeping together was elevated to a cult, it became an important indicator that everything is normal in the family

– And if an interest in another person arises in a relationship, is this normal or should it be taken as a harbinger of treason?

– It is worth taking this interest as a harbinger of problems in the family.If a partner looks “to the left”, then this relationship does not suit him with something. You need to talk and find out what you don’t like. Some problems can be solved on their own, some need to be solved with a psychologist, and some may be insoluble, and sometimes the relationship really needs to end.

– Now more and more people are starting to get acquainted with such concepts as the “comfort zone” and choose a separate sleep. Should spouses sleep in the same bed?

– And remember the Middle Ages, tsarist times … When people who could afford to sleep separately slept separately.But in poor families, where there are 5 people in a tiny hut, there was no other choice. In the 20th century, sleeping together was elevated to a cult, it became an important indicator that everything is normal in the family. In fact, sleeping is much more enjoyable, more effective, and healthier alone.

– Why is sex in our country perceived as something shameful, dirty, indecent?

– This is a matter of public morality and education. It is so accepted in society, alas. From my point of view, this is a way of regulating social behavior.For it to be different, the population must have a sufficiently high level of literacy and culture. We have it in the process at the moment.

– However, despite the fact that sex is considered something indecent, shameful and so on, courses, seminars, and lectures on sexual topics are becoming more and more popular. Is it really necessary? After all, the previous couple of thousand years coped without it.

– The question is, did you do well? Sexuality education is needed, the only question is whether we need it at the state level, or simply everyone will self-educate on this topic, as best he can, including by attending such lectures and seminars.By the way, we have a sex education program in our country, which has not yet been implemented.

– What recommendations would you like to give to our readers?

– Have sex for love, have sex as often as possible and have sex for and with pleasure.

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90,000 How to make an orgasm stronger | Vogue Ukraine

Alexandra Kaminskaya talks about her journey to the heights of pleasure.

I learned about the existence of orgasm much earlier than about how and why to build a relationship. Orgasm initially for me was not about a relationship with someone, but about a relationship with myself and to myself.Years passed in this way, and all this time I sincerely believed: petting is the best thing you can get from sex, and I can handle orgasm much better on my own – without outside help. Rich practice from 13 years old, no need to be beautiful and sexy in front of someone, pleasure from the process itself, knowledge of the boundaries of personal high.

I must say, all this made my sex life a little one-sided. Female sexuality experts Wallen K and Lloyd EA confirmed in 2011 research that the value of the penis in achieving orgasm is exaggerated: only 23% of women get an orgasm through vaginal sex.In addition, unlike ejaculation, female orgasms are incredibly variable, not required for reproduction, and are not directly related to it at all.

Back at 23, analyzing my experience, I was surprised to realize that I could not remember good sex in terms of technical parameters. More precisely, he was always beautiful – while I was in love. In the wake of admiration for my partner, I found all his manipulations delightful, the size appropriate, the experiments inspiring. But as soon as the passions subside, I began to count the pendants on the chandelier during sex and finally understood the meaning of demotivator pictures, where girls leaf through a magazine in the midst of intercourse.Well, really, how do they paint their lips this season?

I had to learn pleasure – first to simply reach orgasm, then – to achieve it as relaxed and easy as alone, and then – to vary the sensations. Miraculously, it did without Kegel exercises, carrying jade eggs and other workouts for the muscles of the vagina.

First I had to cross the internal barrier – and ask. At first, silently, with some movements to direct, internally not even relaxing at all, but shrinking in anticipation of refusal.Not that I was asking for something impossible: just caress in the right places and right, and not like in a movie. That barrier was explained by a number of reasons: negative experience, and difficult perception of men, and especially – in the value of myself: can I afford it? Am I worthy of this pleasure? Am I good enough to get it? It took a long time before I was able to entrust my pleasure to someone other than myself.

What can get in the way

Any traumatic experience is a source of constriction.You may not feel it at all and consider yourself the goddess of sex, but bad or absent relationship with your father, any violence, any disregard for value as a person and especially as a woman gives rise to an inner fear of rejection. The problem may seem like a trifle, but it is buried so deep that it will get in the way whenever it would be nice to just relax. Tightness, stiffness, expectation of failure and possible rejection of oneself – all these are obstacles on the way to orgasm.

Separately, there is still, as it turned out, a living myth that the whole idea of ​​sex was invented for one purpose – so that a woman could give a man pleasure.Sexism about sex, as ridiculous as it may sound, is especially powerful – and powerfully fueled by low self-esteem. But everyone, without exception, deserves a good attitude, care, orgasms and the most incredible sex – and this is all by default, and not depending on the KPI in the current quarter.

Sexologists say that anorgasmia (inability to peak) is practically non-existent. Every sexologist dreams of meeting such a case: chances are 0.001% out of 100. Everything else is in their heads. Bad experiences, family patterns, society’s expectations, inner desires and the inability to fulfill them.There are a million reasons, and all of them can be dealt with.

What to do with the body

First, relax and stop waiting for an orgasm. There are too many shades of sex for the climax to be the only joy. To accustom yourself to this thought, you can purposefully catch examples of sexual pleasure (in reality, books and movies), relax and tell yourself (and at the same time feel) that this is good and pleasant.

Sex coach Olga Zaitseva says that sexologists have a gradation of orgasms:

1) it is felt smoothly: growing excitement, a peak (of varying severity) and a distinct decline.Nerve endings either “sleep” or are under tight control of consciousness.

2) during the final discharge, the vaginal muscles contract.

3) contractions in waves extend to the lower abdomen and to the thighs.

4) the muscles contract both up to the facial muscles and down to the fingertips.

Zaitseva says that any emotion during sex is a way to release accumulated aggression, and there is no sex without aggression. And if you try to control yourself in any way during sex, any excitement comes to naught.You just have to feel what is happening, accept – or not do if “does not go”. Surprisingly, this is how physiological barriers can be “shaken” by letting go of control and allowing oneself to do everything.

How to relax

Research by neuroscientist Gert Holsteg using tomography showed that during orgasm, everyone’s brain activity changes. But if in men the centers of pleasure and other emotional reactions turn on, and the control of the process and the situation does not go anywhere, then in women the centers of fear, control and emotions in general are completely turned off.Blissful nothing. There is also a feedback: in order to achieve orgasm, a woman needs to be free from anxiety and stress. And psychotherapy helps the best here – my experience also speaks about this.

Olga Zaitseva says that in very young girls the nerve endings of the clitoris lie at a certain depth. In adolescence, they develop under the influence of hormones, but often remain “dormant”. Intimate self-massage techniques help to awaken them. It is better to select the methodology and sequence with a sexologist.You can’t hold your breath – it’s much better to breathe with a belly massage; there is no need to “try for the top five”, it is enough just to observe. This will help increase the strength and duration of the impulses during sex.

“It is worthwhile to allocate 10 minutes 5 times a week for massage,” says Zaitseva, “and it would be good to continue doing it for the rest of your life. If orgasm is easy to achieve with oral sex, but difficult with penetration, then you need to start massage from the labia and the clitoris, gradually approaching the vagina.And here it is important to act gradually: use grape seed oil (it is considered the most physiological for the intimate zone). Otherwise, the body will perceive the massage as another aggression and muffle impulses. ” etc. If a woman, having sex, feels shame and guilt, then it makes sense to work with this – for example, with a specialist.You can watch movies about sex, read popular science literature, learn to please yourself – and teach it to your partner.

Read also:

Personal experience: how to find a partner for sex through a mobile application

Personal experience: how to want happily ever after

90,000 7 myths about sex and Homo sapiens

Myth 1. Men are a priori polygamous, and women are monogamous

The opinion that men seek only sex and women seek love is firmly rooted in our culture.It is believed that the role of a “real” man is to strive to expand the circle of his partners, while a “real” woman is alien to one night stand, to which she prefers the warmth of the hearth.

Scientists have debated for decades whether Homo Sapiens is a monogamous or polygamous species. A modern study by anthropologist Owen Lovejoy, published in Science, concludes that human transition to a predominantly monogamous relationship occurred with our ancestor, the Ardipithecs, about four million years ago.

Since then, over the centuries, social monogamy has been the most beneficial way to organize people’s life together. At the same time, at all times, treason was widespread, both among men and among women. Now we can observe that the growth of the well-being of the population and the expansion of opportunities for sexual behavior are gradually eliminating the need to conclude a marriage contract to legitimize sex. Polyamory is losing its marginal status and is becoming commonplace in Western society.Research shows that one in five Americans is willing to try relationships that go beyond monogamy.

Each person – man or woman, independently chooses monogamy or polygamy, based on their sexual potency and desires. And the responsibility for this choice lies only with the person himself, and not with the imaginary “law of nature.”

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Myth 2.Orgasms are only feigned by women

Yes, men do it too. According to study from the University of Kansas, 25 percent of men fake orgasm while having sex with their partners. The main reason is the fear that the mistress will consider herself unattractive in the eyes of a man because he cannot reach orgasm with her. However, there are many objective reasons why men cannot complete what they started – like nervous exhaustion or fatigue.Another reason may be the abuse of pornography, which leads to the fact that “normal” sex does not provide satisfaction. It also happens that a man just really wants to sleep, but he becomes scared that refusing to have sex will offend his partner.

Worrying about the feelings of a loved one, men can go for clever inventions – hide an empty condom from their mistress or with all their facial expressions pretend to be ecstatic. The worst thing happens when women feel this deception and a wall of alienation and misunderstanding of each other grows between partners.

It should be understood that orgasm is not always a prerequisite for good sex. Pleasure can be achieved without ejaculation, which can be confirmed by the followers of tantric sex. However, there are remedies that help increase the pleasure of sex, for example, Man’s formula Potential Forte . Based on plant extracts, Potential Forte will make sex more interesting and orgasm brighter, prolong endurance and increase potential.

Myth 3. It is impossible to get pregnant during menstruation

Some misconceptions can lead to fatal consequences.One of these is the myth that menstruation is a 100 percent guarantee against unplanned conception.

Indeed, the possibility of getting pregnant during menstruation is much less than during other periods, but still there is such a risk. In many ways, it depends on the length of the menstrual cycle. For most women, the cycle lasts about 28 days, of which about five days are menstruation, during which the unfertilized eggs are removed. The period of greatest fertility in women is called ovulation and occurs, as a rule, 12-16 days before the onset of menstruation.

Interesting fact: sperm can live and remain active in a woman’s body for up to five days. Accordingly, unprotected sex in the last days of menstruation can lead to pregnancy if active sperm are able to reach the new egg.

The only reliable way to protect yourself from unwanted surprises is to use contraceptives. Sex during menstruation is recommended with a condom. This will not only avoid possible pregnancy, but also prevent the development of infectious diseases that easily develop during this period.Gynecologists say that the risk of developing infections is especially high when in contact with new partners.

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Myth 4. Men constantly want sex

This myth is supported both by women who have stereotypes about men, and by men themselves, who believe that a constant readiness for sex in any conditions is a sign of a real “male”.

Of course it is not.Every man is, first of all, a person, not a sex machine or a robot. It is common for a person to get tired from time to time, to feel bad, or simply not to feel the desire at a particular moment.

Psychologist Sarah Hunter Murray in her book Not Always in the Mood. The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships ”talks about the fact that many men in relationships have to agree to have sex with their partner, even when they do not really want to.This leads to the rupture of the emotional bond between lovers, and, subsequently, can even lead to the end of the relationship. So sometimes you just have to say, “Honey, I’m not in the mood today. And that’s okay. ” And it really will be okay.

If the desire is absent for a long period and is not associated with external reasons (lack of money, alcohol and cigarette abuse, poor environmental conditions), it is worth thinking about ways to normalize sexual life. Man’s formula will help in this Potential Forte .

In order to stay active in bed, it is necessary to maintain the level of testosterone in the body and avoid deficiency. Testosterone is the most important hormone in the male body, which is responsible for the sexual component. Man’s Formula Potential Forte is a preparation fortified with plant extracts such as tongkat ali (eurycoma longifolia) and muira puama extract, contains ingredients that improve the quality of sex.

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Myth 5.Men and women have different ages of disclosure of sexuality

Over the past decades, there has been a myth that the peak of male sexual power is reached at the age of twenty, while in women this period begins closer to thirty.

This myth arose after research by Alfred Kinsey, published in 1953. In it, Kinsey mistakenly equated the hormonal peak with the sexual peak.

Indeed, the maximum testosterone level in men is observed at the age of majority, and the level of estrogen in women rises in middle age.But this does not determine the sexual flowering of a person. Hormone levels fluctuate not only with biological age, but also with other factors, such as stress levels or pregnancy.

Researchers, based on the work of Kinsey, are confident that women’s fertility reaches its peak at 35 years old, which is accompanied by a high sexual “appetite”. However, the reason for this “appetite” lies elsewhere – at this age, most women acquire maximum self-confidence, which, for whatever reason, they could be deprived of at an early age.This confidence manifests itself in understanding the characteristics of your body, articulating desires and striving for their satisfaction.

A similar process occurs with men – yes, at an early age male potency can work wonders, but the high frequency of sexual intercourse is not a confirmation of their satisfaction for both partners.

Sexual flowering does not depend on the biological age of a person, and is determined only by his physical and mental readiness to reveal his own sexuality.

Myth 6. The average duration of intercourse is 30 minutes.

Many men are very worried about the duration of their intercourse. The unrealistic bar set by porn production and embellished stories from other men creates a stressful atmosphere in which the enjoyment of sex becomes increasingly difficult to achieve.

Scientists became interested in this issue and conducted a study with the participation of 500 heterosexual couples.The results turned out to be far from the ideal imposed by the media – on average, most people’s sex lasts 5 minutes 24 seconds. In cases of premature ejaculation, the average duration was 1 minute 48 seconds.

At the same time, there are still men who can have sex for 25 minutes, and still claim that they are suffering from the end of the act too early. Nervousness and excessive fixation on this issue, oddly enough, can really lead to sexual dysfunction.However, the secret of good sex lies not in mechanical body movements for given time standards, but in pleasure and in the acuteness of sensations.

To prolong sexual contact and significantly improve the quality of intercourse, use the Man’s formula Potential Forte – natural, daily use of which has a beneficial effect on a man’s stamina and increases the level of sexual sensations.

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Myth 7.There is no sex after 60.

There is a stereotype in popular culture that sex is a pleasure for the young and slender. However, if you look at reality, it turns out that many people have sex not only after reaching 45 years of age, but even after 60.

Yes, with age, the human body changes dramatically – for example, in the period 45-55 years, most women experience menopause (in other words, menopause). The reason for this is the cessation of the production of eggs by the body.This is accompanied by mood swings, changes in body proportions and a decrease in the hormone estrogen, which leads to vaginal dryness and decreased libido.

Changes do not bypass the male body either – testosterone production decreases with age. There are also psychological reasons for the decrease in sexual activity – some older men do not feel attractive, and prematurely refuse the possibility of intercourse.

But these features of old age are not insurmountable barriers – rather, conditions in which the use of additional agents – lubricants and vitamins – is needed.For the male body, support at the biochemical level is provided by Man’s formula Potential Forte .

BAA. NOT A DRUG

90,000 Lack of orgasm and women’s health 9,0001

“Orgasm is a wonderful award of nature to living things for the fact that they reproduce.”

Z. Freud

Not so long ago, there was a belief in society that women were less sexy than men. Therefore, the problem of female sexual dysfunction did not seem to exist.Over the past two decades, traditional views of woman’s sexuality have been completely refuted, and her sexual needs have been recognized as completely legitimate.

As a result, women began to think more and more about whether everything is in order in their sexual sphere. A woman who considers herself sexually insufficiently responsive for one reason or another experiences confusion, upset, or depression in the same way as a man.

We must not forget that up to 58% of marriages break up due to sexual disharmony, spouses are not always aware of the reasons for severe disagreements in family relationships, often sounds like the reason for the dissimilarity of characters, while the point is not in characters, but in sexual discrepancies.

Lack of orgasm in women (anorgasmia) is perhaps the main cause of sexual disharmony, unhappy marriages and divorces. A. Kinsey’s polls showed that 17% of women who have been sexually active for five or more years do not experience orgasm. Why is this happening? After all, as Kinsey proved, almost all women are able to achieve orgasm with masturbation. However, given the nature of female sexuality and the role of psychological factors, it is difficult to agree that the satisfaction from masturbatory orgasm is higher than from that obtained during full-fledged intercourse with a loved one.If anyone says that orgasm is not important for a woman, then it is, without a doubt, a man. Where there are sexual dysfunctions, the partner has nothing to do with it. Both man and woman are guilty.

Anorgasmia is divided into primary and secondary. Primary anorgasmia is said to be when a woman has never experienced an orgasm with any type of stimulation.

Secondary anorgasmia is considered to be such a dysfunction when a woman previously experienced an orgasm even once, regardless of under what circumstances and by what methods of stimulation it was achieved – during sexual intercourse, during masturbation or during sleep with erotic dreams.

The ability to orgasm in women increases with age. This is due to the greater sexual experience and variety of sexual caresses. There are many psychological factors that inhibit the onset of orgasm in women. This can be due to a fear of getting pregnant, getting a sexually transmitted disease, being rejected by a sex partner, and many other reasons. In some women, the cause of anorgasmia is a subconscious or conscious feeling of hostility towards men in general, or hostility towards a particular sexual partner.

Anorgasmia in women who grew up under strict upbringing may be due to feelings of guilt for their sexual urges, which do not coincide with the ideas about sexual behavior instilled from childhood. Marital or other conflicts that have a negative impact on the mental state of a woman and her mood can also lead to the fact that a woman stops experiencing an orgasm, although she was previously able to experience it.

Certain diseases of internal organs and endocrine disorders, for example, hypothyroidism, diabetes mellitus, hyperobesity can affect a woman’s ability to have an orgasm.

Lack of orgasm can be with tumors of the uterus and appendages, with ruptures of the perineum, inflammation in the female genital organs, erosion of the cervix.

When studying the relationship between the frequency of experiencing orgasm and methods of contraception, it was found that with interrupted sexual intercourse, 67% of women do not experience orgasm. Lack of orgasm negatively affects the nervous system and the entire body of a woman.

After intercourse without orgasm, a woman often complains of nervous excitement, general depression, poor health and depression.Lack of sexual satisfaction can lead to neurosis and hysterical reactions. This is the cause of migraines, irritability, depression and depression. Lack of orgasm leads to congestion in the genitals, and subsequently women experience menstrual irregularities, soreness of menstruation, uterine bleeding, and symptoms of premenstrual tension intensify. Changes in hormonal levels lead to the development of pathological processes in breast tissue. Many sexologists and gynecologists believe that genital venous congestion leads to the development of fibroids of the body of the uterus, polycystic degeneration of the ovaries.

In cases when a woman previously experienced an orgasm, but cannot get satisfaction from intimacy with her current partner, and she herself does not want to tell him about it for psychological reasons, or she told him about it, but he did not change his attitude and nothing does not undertake to satisfy it, only a doctor can help.