What are the signs of compulsive shopping. How does compulsive shopping affect mental health. What strategies can help overcome shopping addiction. How to create a healthy relationship with spending. Why do people become compulsive shoppers. How to support a loved one with shopping addiction. What resources are available for compulsive shopping recovery.

Understanding Compulsive Shopping: More Than Just Retail Therapy

Compulsive shopping, also known as oniomania or shopping addiction, is a serious behavioral disorder that affects millions of Americans. While shopping is often viewed as a harmless pastime, for some individuals it can spiral into an uncontrollable urge that leads to financial ruin and emotional distress.

Terrence Shulman, a certified counselor and founder of the Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding, estimates that 6 to 9 percent of Americans are compulsive shoppers. This condition shares similarities with other addictive behaviors such as eating disorders, sex addiction, and gambling addiction.

Defining Compulsive Shopping

Compulsive shopping is characterized by chronic and repetitive purchasing behavior that becomes difficult to control and results in harmful consequences. It is considered an impulse control disorder and is more prevalent among women than men.

The Psychology Behind the Behavior

Why do people become compulsive shoppers? The roots of this behavior often lie in deeper psychological issues:

• Emotional trauma or deprivation in childhood
• A strong need for approval or control
• Attempts to fill an inner void
• Coping with a painful loss or grief

For many, shopping becomes a way to self-medicate and temporarily alleviate emotional pain or stress. However, this short-term relief often leads to long-term financial and psychological consequences.

The Neuroscience of Shopping Addiction: What’s Happening in the Brain?

Recent research has shed light on the neurological aspects of compulsive shopping. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Policy compared MRI brain images of women with and without compulsive shopping problems. The findings revealed intriguing differences in brain activity during shopping experiences.

Heightened Decision-Making Activity

Compulsive shoppers exhibited higher brain activity in regions responsible for decision-making while shopping. This increased neural response may contribute to the difficulty these individuals face in controlling their purchasing behavior.

Similarities to Other Addictions

The brain changes observed in compulsive shoppers share commonalities with those seen in other addictive behaviors. This neurological evidence supports the classification of compulsive shopping as a legitimate disorder with biological underpinnings.

Recognizing the Signs: Are You a Compulsive Shopper?

Identifying compulsive shopping behavior is crucial for seeking help and beginning the recovery process. Here are key indicators that may suggest a shopping addiction:

1. Shopping to avoid painful feelings
2. Purchasing numerous items that go unused
3. Preferring to shop alone
4. Hiding purchases from others
5. Experiencing a “high” while shopping followed by guilt
6. Facing financial difficulties due to shopping habits
7. Encountering emotional problems related to shopping behavior

Do these signs resonate with your experiences? Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing compulsive shopping tendencies.

The Emotional Toll: Compulsive Shopping and Mental Health

Compulsive shopping often coexists with other mental health concerns, creating a complex web of psychological challenges. Individuals struggling with shopping addiction may be more prone to:

• Substance abuse disorders
• Eating disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression

How does compulsive shopping affect mental health? The cycle of temporary euphoria followed by guilt and financial stress can exacerbate existing mental health conditions or trigger new ones. Additionally, the secrecy and shame associated with compulsive shopping can lead to social isolation and strained relationships.

The Vicious Cycle of Emotional Shopping

Many compulsive shoppers use purchasing as a coping mechanism for emotional distress. However, this behavior often creates more problems than it solves, leading to a self-perpetuating cycle of negative emotions and compulsive spending.

Financial Consequences: When Shopping Leads to Economic Distress

The financial impact of compulsive shopping can be devastating. Many individuals find themselves drowning in debt, facing bankruptcy, or experiencing severe financial instability due to their uncontrolled spending habits.

The Hidden Costs of Compulsive Shopping

Beyond the immediate expenses of purchases, compulsive shopping can lead to:

• High-interest credit card debt
• Damaged credit scores
• Inability to save for important life goals
• Potential legal issues related to unpaid debts
• Strained family finances and relationships

How can compulsive shoppers regain financial stability? The road to recovery often involves a combination of professional help, support groups, and practical financial strategies.

Breaking the Cycle: Strategies for Managing Compulsive Shopping

Overcoming a shopping addiction requires dedication and a multi-faceted approach. Here are some effective strategies for managing compulsive shopping:

1. Identify Triggers and Emotional Patterns

Understanding the underlying emotions and situations that trigger compulsive shopping is crucial. Keep a journal to track your shopping urges and the feelings associated with them.

2. Seek Professional Help

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other forms of counseling can be highly effective in addressing the root causes of compulsive shopping and developing healthier coping mechanisms.

3. Join Support Groups

Organizations like Shopaholics Anonymous provide a supportive environment where individuals can share experiences and strategies for recovery.

4. Implement Practical Financial Controls

Consider the following steps to regain control of your finances:

• Cut up credit cards and switch to cash or debit cards
• Create and stick to a realistic budget
• Use shopping lists and avoid impulse purchases
• Unsubscribe from marketing emails and avoid online shopping sites

5. Develop Alternative Coping Mechanisms

Replace shopping with healthier activities that provide emotional fulfillment, such as exercise, creative hobbies, or volunteering.

Supporting a Loved One with Shopping Addiction

If someone close to you is struggling with compulsive shopping, your support can be invaluable in their recovery journey. Here are some ways to help:

Open Communication

Approach the topic with empathy and without judgment. Express your concerns and offer support in a non-confrontational manner.

Encourage Professional Help

Gently suggest seeking assistance from a therapist or counselor specializing in addictive behaviors.

Participate in Recovery

Offer to attend support group meetings or therapy sessions together if appropriate.

Create a Supportive Environment

Help remove triggers by avoiding shopping-centric activities and focusing on non-material ways of spending time together.

The Road to Recovery: Building a Healthy Relationship with Shopping

Recovering from compulsive shopping doesn’t mean never shopping again. The goal is to develop a balanced and healthy approach to purchasing. Here are some tips for cultivating a positive relationship with shopping:

Mindful Consumption

Before making a purchase, pause and reflect on whether the item is truly needed or simply wanted. Consider the long-term value and impact of the purchase.

Practice Gratitude

Regularly express gratitude for what you already have. This can help shift focus away from acquiring new possessions.

Find Fulfillment Beyond Material Goods

Explore activities and relationships that bring joy and satisfaction without involving shopping or spending money.

Set Financial Goals

Establish meaningful financial objectives that motivate you to save rather than spend impulsively.

By implementing these strategies and seeking support when needed, individuals struggling with compulsive shopping can regain control over their finances and emotions, paving the way for a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Compulsive Shopping – Recognizing & Managing

Shopping may seem like a freedom but it can turn into compulsion and then bankruptcy. People who over-shop may also be depressed and using compulsive spending to self-medicate. Here’s how to find help.

By Chris Iliades, MDMedically Reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

Reviewed: March 15, 2013

Medically Reviewed

Shopping may be a beloved American pastime, but compulsive shopping is a real problem for millions of people who really do shop till they drop. As Shopaholics Anonymous notes, much of the U.S. economy depends on easy credit card access, 24-hour shopping on TV and the Internet, and constant advertising to get you to buy what you may not really need, all of which make compulsive spending easier.

“Compulsive shopping is a legitimate disorder, and it reflects a national problem of debt, financial crisis, and difficulty understanding the difference between want and need,” says Terrence Shulman, a certified counselor and founder of the Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding.

Iris Balin now understands this all too well. The Pottstown, Pa., woman is a retired grandmother in her sixties who’s looking for work again. “My father was an accountant, and I grew up in a very frugal home,” Balin says. “Until I left home to get married, I could not spend any money on my own. My husband was also very controlling when it came to spending money. Unfortunately, my husband was never good at keeping a job. After we got divorced, I got a job as a real estate agent, and I started making money on my own. For the first time in my life, I could go shopping for myself. My motto was, ‘I’ll buy it if I want it.’ Shopping was a type of freedom I really enjoyed.”

When Shopping Becomes Compulsive Spending

Shulman estimates that 6 to 9 percent of Americans are compulsive shoppers. The condition “has a lot in common with eating disorders, sex addiction, and gambling addiction,” he says. “It becomes compulsive when it becomes a way to deal with stress, or loss, and it can become very hard to control. “

Compulsive spending or shopping is considered an impulse control disorder if it’s chronic and repetitive, difficult to control, and results in harmful consequences. It’s more common in women than men. Causes may include:

• Emotional trauma or deprivation in childhood
• Need for approval
• Need for control
• Need to fill an inner void
• A painful loss or grief

Again, Balin can relate. “For a while, shopping was fun,” she recalls. “I went on trips and cruises. I bought tons of things for my grandchildren. I bought an expensive English tea set I saw on television. I never used it. It’s still up in my attic, all packed up. It all seemed to turn bad when the economy crashed, I lost money in some bad investments, and one of my daughters lost a baby. Shopping became a way to soothe emotional pain. It was like an addiction, and I could not keep up with the credit card payments. I had to declare bankruptcy in 2007.”

Like other addictive behaviors, compulsive shopping may cause changes in brain activity. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Policy compared MRI brain images of 23 women with a compulsive shopping problem and 26 women who were normal shoppers. The researchers found that while they were shopping, the compulsive shoppers had higher brain activity in regions of the brain responsible for decision making.

Compulsive shoppers also may be more likely to suffer from disorders such as substance abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression.

Recognizing Compulsive Shopping

“Once I knew I had a serious problem, it was a matter of going back to basics,” says Balin, who says that Shulman was a great resource in helping her overcome her condition. “I knew how to make a budget. I knew I had to get rid of all my credit cards. I knew I had to start shopping with a list of just the things I really needed. It took a while, but I am getting things under control. I don’t regret some of the things I spent money on, but I do regret not having any financial security in my life now. “

“When compulsive shopping spirals out of control, it can result in financial infidelity in a marriage and serious money or legal problems,” explains Shulman. “We encourage support group therapy and couples therapy “that usually lasts three to four months.” Unlike other addictions,” he says, “you can’t strive for abstinence from shopping so we strive for safety while shopping.”

If you’re concerned about your level of shopping, there are signs to look for. You may be a compulsive shopper if you:

• Shop to avoid painful feelings
• Buy many things you don’t need
• Prefer to shop alone
• Hide what you buy from others
• Feel high when shopping and guilty after shopping
• Are in financial difficulty because of shopping
• Are having emotional problems in your life because of shopping

Tips for Managing Compulsive Shopping

“The best advice is not to shop when you are emotional,” Balin says. “You should not shop for food when you are hungry, and you should not shop for anything else when you have an emotional void that needs to be filled. “

Here are other tips that can help:

• Admit you have a problem.
• Ask for help from your doctor or a mental health professional.
• Join a self-help group like Shopaholics Anonymous.
• Get rid of your credit cards.
• Shop with a list and a friend.
• Avoid Internet shopping sites and TV shopping channels.
• Find healthy ways to deal with difficult emotions.

If you think you have a problem with compulsive shopping or spending, get more information at the Shulman Center’s Web site. You can learn more about compulsive shopping, take an online test to see if you might have a problem, and get a phone number to call for a free consultation.

“Compulsive shopping has left me in a hard place. You can’t live very well on just Social Security,” Balin says. “But I have a lot to live for. My grandchildren have seen me at my worst, but now I am trying to be a better example. I want them to remember me at my best.”

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7 Tips on How to Stop Compulsive Shopping

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In our materialistic world, it should come as no surprise that many people struggle with compulsive shopping, which refers to a pattern of purchasing that becomes difficult to stop, and ultimately has harmful consequences.

So how do we put a stop to compulsive shopping and not give in to our impulses?

If you’ve ever been to a store or a shopping mall, or have even just seen a commercial, it’s no secret that advertisements are a mission to convince us to spend all our money.

We all go shopping from time to time, whether it be for groceries, clothes, furniture, or holiday gifts, and in the midst of all that consumerism, it can be second nature to start throwing extra things on the pile, buying things we don’t really need just because they looked cool in the store.

How to Know if You Are a Compulsive Shopper

Compulsive shopping is defined as spending money on items that aren’t necessary or spending money on items that you really don’t need. It’s common among both men and women.

There are several signs that indicate whether or not you might be a compulsive shopper. Some of these signs include:

• Spending money on things that you don’t need

• Buying gifts for others instead of yourself

• Overspending on food

• Overspending on clothing

• Going into debt

• Not saving enough money

• Being unable to stop buying things

• Feeling guilty after buying something

• Borrowing money from friends and family

• Buying things just because they’re available

• Lying to others about what has been purchased or how much has been spent

• Using credit cards to buy things

Compulsive shopping is a dangerous habit that can wreak havoc on a person’s financial life, and yet our society is set up to enable constant and unhealthy spending. It’s also important to understand that shopping is not necessarily bad.

Many people enjoy shopping, and it can be fun to treat yourself occasionally. However, if you notice that you spend money on things that aren’t needed, then it’s time to consider taking steps to change your behavior.

What Can Cause Compulsive Shopping?

Compulsive shopping is a problem that affects millions of Americans every day. While it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what causes compulsive shopping, there are certain factors that seem to play a role.

One factor is feeling stressed out. When people feel overwhelmed or anxious, they tend to turn to shop as a form of self-medication. Another reason is having trouble controlling impulses. People who struggle with impulse control may find themselves drawn toward items that they shouldn’t buy.

There are other reasons why people shop compulsively, including:

• Feeling depressed or lonely

• Having low self-esteem

• Being bored

• Wanting to fit into a specific body type

• Worrying about money

• Lacking willpower

• Struggling with addiction

• Failing to meet expectations

It’s important to remember that while compulsive shopping can lead to financial problems, it’s never healthy to spend money on yourself just to cope with stress or boredom. Instead, try to learn coping skills that allow you to deal with life’s challenges in healthier ways.

1. Only Carry Cash

Technology has made it easy to swipe that credit card without feeling the weight of large or frequent purchases, but it’s much more difficult not to notice cash disappearing.

Take all the plastic out of your purse or wallet and only carry cash for a while.

Chances are, you’ll be much less likely to spend impulsively when you find yourself counting out a wad of bills that are about to leave your hands.

2. Track All Your Spending

Write down every purchase you make – what you bought, and what it cost. Literally track every penny.

This is an accountability technique and a real eye-opener.

Most people who try this technique – even if only for a week or a month–end up being shocked (and sometimes horrified) at how much money they spend on little things like fast food and impulse purchases, and how quickly those purchases add up to a substantial amount of cash that could have been better spent (or saved) elsewhere.

If you’re wondering where all your money is going, this is a great way to plug up a leak in your cash flow.

3. Avoid Temptation

If someone is addicted to gambling, we tell them to steer clear of the casino.

If someone is drinking too much, we advise them not to keep alcohol in their house.

The same goes for impulsive shopping, although shopping can be a little trickier to avoid than casinos and booze because opportunities to spend money tend to crop up around every corner.

Still, it’s important to know your triggers.

If your weakness is the mall, try avoiding the mall specifically, especially when you’re feeling disappointed, scared, or angry, as these are vulnerable moods that often lend themselves to relapses.

If you’re a sucker for clothing outlets, don’t go there.

If your thing is the auto parts store, or your local electronics dealer, or the dollar section at Target – you know the drill.

Learn your triggers, and remove yourself from them as best as you can.

4. Focus on Larger Goals

It can be difficult to eliminate something from your life without replacing it with something better.

Rather than focusing on the absence of shopping, remind yourself of the long term benefits you are working toward.

Are you saving up for a major purchase?

Each time you deny yourself a shopping trip, remind yourself that what you are actually doing is saving up to buy your first home, or that car you’ve been dreaming about, or to take the trip you’ve been dying to go on.

The money you would have spent shopping is being reallocated toward something much more exciting than a few new items from the mall.

5. Leave Your Credit Cards At Home

Credit cards have led to massive amounts of debt and countless stories of financial woes, ruined lives, and emptied savings accounts.

Don’t let this happen to you! If you are a compulsive shopper, chances are you’re familiar with credit cards and maybe have a few of them.

You need to do two things as quickly as possible:

Leave them at home, and pay them off.

Remove their info from any websites where the numbers may be saved for automatic purchases.

Then pay down the balances before you get destroyed by interest.

Credit card companies know exactly what they are doing, and if they weren’t making good money by getting people into debt, they wouldn’t still be in business.

6. Wait a Week

Part of the thrill of compulsive shopping is seeing something you like and buying it on the spot.

But it’s amazing how many of our compulsive purchases end up being things we never would have thought about again if we only could have managed to leave the store without them.

Next time you’re tempted by an item in a store, tell yourself that if you still want it in one week, you can come back and buy it.

You might be surprised at how few items you’re still thinking about a week later.

You will forget about most of the items you thought you needed, and this little mind trick can end up saving you a lot of money.

7. Ask for Help

You should never be ashamed of being open and vulnerable, admitting your struggles, and asking for help.

We all struggle with something in life.

If one of your struggles is compulsive shopping, you are not alone, and you do not need to feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Ask for help. Confide in someone you trust and ask them to hold you accountable. Visit a therapist if you feel it might be helpful.

Invite your partner or a close friend into your recovery process – they can help you cut up your credit cards, remind you to track your spending, and encourage you when you feel like giving up.

Overcoming compulsive shopping is a difficult battle in which the culture is betting against you, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Final Notes

Shopping is ubiquitous in our culture, and there will always be new ways to spend money.

It is not difficult to find yourself in a place where you feel compelled to purchase, and where you may even seek out shopping as a remedy for negative emotions.

If this sounds like you, or if you think your spending may be getting out of hand, do not be afraid to turn the tables and get the help you need. You won’t regret it in the end.

What is behind the desire to buy unnecessary things?

13,866

Get to know yourself

They have long ceased to be just a point of sale. Shopping centers, shimmering with lights all year round like a Christmas tree, opening huge doors for us (especially wide during winter sales), unite boutiques and restaurants, farmers’ markets and gyms, playgrounds and cinemas under one roof. We go there to have fun, relax, “to see people and show ourselves” and … for shopping too.

Over the top

“I can’t imagine what I would do without shopping centers,” admits 27-year-old Arina, an otolaryngologist. – After a hard day’s work, I sometimes spend there for an hour and a half, go from one gallery to another. I rest, I come to my senses, I know that everyone here is glad to see me, or at least polite. What about shopping? “Of course, I buy not only what I need. Gloves to please myself, but sometimes I’m tempted by a fashionable bag or coat. Arina does not see the problem: “I earn this money, so why should I not let it go!”

Indeed, friendly salespeople make us feel like the center of attention, and the amount spent is not such a big price to pay for raised self-esteem. But agreeing with this, the author of the training “Relationships with money”, psychodramatherapist Stanislav Efremov, nevertheless suggests looking for other sources of a good relationship: meetings with friends, massage, spa. “After all, you will not give another the same gift every time? Let your gifts to yourself be varied! And it will help not to fall into dependence on some type of behavior.

Shopping becomes a way to fill the inner void

35-year-old Larisa, a sports center administrator, seems to have failed: “I’m an obsessive shopper! she says about herself. “I regularly get into debt, and then I mostly give away all these vases, sets, dresses or just throw them away.” But Larisa cannot stop.

In everyday life we ​​call this phenomenon shopaholism, but there is also a clinical term – oniomania. “This is a compulsive buying of things without an objective need,” explains psychoanalytically oriented psychotherapist Tatyana Poddubnaya. Oniomania is like other addictions. The one who suffers from it, unable to control his own actions, without purchases falls into apathy, and starting to spend, he can no longer slow down.

But there is no impassable boundary between the joy of acquiring beautiful things and obsessive behavior, but there is a certain continuum, during which joy decreases and tension increases. Not only with the buyer, but also in his family.

“I’m reserved about my wardrobe, but books are my passion,” admits Victor, a 48-year-old entrepreneur. – The wife is angry: why did you bring the books again, there is nowhere to put them! And I can’t resist. I especially like encyclopedias and reference books on geography and economics. Heavy, they smell like a fresh seal … My wife is right, we are unlikely to read them. It’s hard to explain. Maybe I didn’t have enough books when I was a kid.”

But the therapist makes a different suggestion: “It seems to me that Victor lacks personal space, and in this peculiar way he wins it back.”

Filling the Void

Shopping for some of us becomes a way to fill the inner emptiness that appears due to a lack of parental attention and warmth.

“Under such conditions, the child does not get the experience of inner fulfillment and grows up with a sense of the meaninglessness of himself and life,” says Tatyana Poddubnaya. – One of the tasks of the psyche is to separate from the mother and build your own physical and emotional “I”. At the same time, the child needs to receive emotional and logical communication from the mother (he understands why he is punished or praised, what the mother wants and what he himself): then he will have contact with his own emotions and a sense of his own boundaries.

If their interaction is formal, the mother fulfills the social requirements “to feed, clothe, teach”, and the woman can be caring, but her emotional sphere is blocked or undeveloped, then the child does not build contact with his own personality and does not have a feeling of being “alive”. “. Moreover, children tend to blame themselves for the negative attitude of adults, therefore, in the conditions of an emotional vacuum, an unconscious fantasy about “uninteresting oneself” arises and a sense of one’s own “deadness” is reinforced, as if repelling others from warm communication.

Such a child, growing up and despairing of receiving the desired warmth from others, gets used to filling the inner emptiness and “revives” himself with passions and addictions.

I went without shopping for five days, and then bought everything on both weekends

“Recently I noticed that I was buying things in the second round,” says 29-year-old Ekaterina, a masseuse. – I brought home a purple blouse with rhinestones, began to look for a place for it in the closet and saw that almost the same one already exists, but I forgot! I thought I should take a break, but it turned out that I was bored without shopping – I lasted five days, and then both weekends I bought everything in a row, like a hungry one who pounced on food.

This form of shopaholism “differs from ordinary weekend shopping by a temporary feeling of “peace and love”, which is similar to the satisfaction of a baby in the arms of a caring mother, however, as soon as the narcotic effect wears off, the next extreme dose is required,” comments Tatyana Poddubnaya.

“It would be useful to analyze after which events you are most drawn to the store,” adds Stanislav Efremov. “So you can understand what the shopaholic is really missing, and think about how this can be achieved in other ways.”

Spend so you don’t lose

Compulsive shopping for some comes from an early abandonment experience. “Until the age of seven, it is important that a mother is regularly next to the child,” continues Tatyana Poddubnaya. – If a child is faced with the death of his mother or often experiences her disappearances, constant surrenders to grandparents, then in his psyche there arises the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe unreliability of anyone who is nearby, as well as a fantasy of his own “badness” as an explanation for why he is abandoned.

Growing up, he lives in eternal readiness for the loss of everything that falls into his hands. Therefore, he tries to grab more now, and the possibility of keeping it for a long time at an unconscious level is denied. A paradoxical circle is screwed up: a person grabs everything with a feeling of “mine, mine”, but his psyche does not recognize this “mine” as real, because in childhood something stable was associated with suffering from a premonition of an impending loss. In this case, the main role is played not by the things themselves, but by money, which symbolizes stability. ”

The reasons for addiction to unreasonable spending sometimes go back much further than in childhood – in the history of the family, in family scenarios. The history of our country over the past 100 years is rich in periods of mass losses:

• war communism, confiscation of deposits, dispossession in the post-revolutionary years;
• famine of 1932-1933;
• Great Patriotic War;
• currency reform of 1947;
• inflation in the early 1990s;
• default 1998 years.

To this we can add the crises of 2008 and 2014, which are likely to affect the lives of posterity. And besides historical events, there are also private ones: theft of a significant part of property, fires, floods…

she could decide to spend money as soon as they come, – says psychodramatherapist Stanislav Efremov. – So he will get pleasure, and retain a sense of power over life, because he himself decided when to part with financial resources. If there is no money, no one will come and take it away. ”

These scripts can be passed down from generation to generation, and we become carriers of them, not always realizing what controls our behavior.

Hunting for outfits can be a manifestation of the desire to seduce others

Stanislav Efremov tells a story from therapeutic practice: “Anna, 34, complained that she was wasting her entire salary and had no savings. At the same time, there is a lot of energy and challenge in her voice, which I pay attention to and suggest looking into her family history. Anna’s great-grandfather’s property was taken away. Fortunately, he survived and continued to work. But he spent the pay in full: he felt control over the situation. After all, he was in charge of the money. And the accumulation caused him great anxiety: suddenly they would take it away again! The great-grandfather passed on the feeling of power from spending and the fear of savings to his son, he passed it on to his daughter, and that one to Anna.

As a result, shopping was a joyful experience for the client. And savings were associated with the fear of loss and something else unpleasant. “Something unpleasant” could not be immediately recognized, since Anna did not expect to find humiliation and impotence next to the accumulated money. As a result of the work, she managed to ease the fears, and, accordingly, the script, “returning” it to its ancestor. Then we worked with the prescription “spend everything, otherwise they will take it away.” Anna stopped scaring herself with terrible pictures of losing her savings, and directed her freed attention to actions to protect them.”

We may assume that we are affected by a generic script if a certain pattern of behavior is passed down from generation to generation, when we do something without asking ourselves why we do it. And if we ask ourselves, the answer will be: “I don’t know, it’s just accepted, it’s always been like that.”

Psychodramatherapist Stanislav Efremov offers several ways to help avoid crossing the line separating shopping from shopaholism.

We make purchases according to lists compiled in advance. If we tend to buy too much food, we don’t go to the store hungry, we have a snack first.

We pay for purchases in cash – this way spending is more visible to the brain. Cancellation of credit cards (with overdraft). We keep the minimum amount of money on the debit.

If we spend a lot on clothes , we turn to a style specialist (or to a friend who is not prone to impulsive purchases), we make combinations of clothes and do not buy anything without our consultant. During the fitting, we think: when will I wear this thing? With what? How many times a year?

When we see a discount , we mentally pronounce the price without a discount and imagine that we saw a thing simply at this price. Would we still buy it? If not, we pass.

Avoid consumption situations. We do not walk around the shopping center. If we meet with someone or go to the cinema, then also not in the mall. Once in the store, we don’t go up to the shelves once again, we don’t try on and examine the goods: we don’t tempt ourselves.

Looking for the cause of shopaholism. If we go shopping when we are upset, when we feel a lack of love, and so on, we invent and try ways to take care of ourselves that do not require spending.

Clothes match

Hunting for clothes can be not only a way to get rid of “extra” money or gain the desired peace of mind, but also a manifestation of the desire to seduce others. Where does this passion come from?

“If a father does not love his mother, shows more sympathy for his daughter than for his wife, then the girl’s psyche takes on the function of a “mistress” in order to hold the family together, keep her father and at the same time “tease” her rival mother, Tatyana Poddubnaya answers. – A similar mechanism in a boy, if an unsatisfied mother keeps him as “her man.” Growing up, such a man or woman tries to charm and seduce others and at the same time experience uncertainty about their own true sexuality, since it has become an applied tool for keeping the other in a relationship, having lost its independent value.

Psychologists call this defense mechanism sexualization. A sexualized person needs bright external attributes. Unlike a sexy man, for whom clothes are an ornament, a sexualized woman needs more and more to hide in a kaleidoscope of changing images an insecurity in her own personality, which, as if, cannot be loved without alluring sexy plumage.

If shopping is not pleasant or causes mixed feelings, it is worth working with a psychologist

The difference between shopaholism and the usual shopping process is the feeling of “I can’t do without it.” But even behind the “ordinary” passion, internal problems can be hidden. “I love secondhand,” says 32-year-old Yana, a layout designer for the magazine. – Not all my friends support me: “How can you buy used?”

I don’t understand how they can change clothes! From a second hand, maybe second-hand, but it’s mine, I’m not afraid that I’ll plant a stain and look for the same new one to replace it. And there are stylish things of famous fashion designers – in the “fresh” version, I can’t afford them. If I don’t confess where I got them, no one will guess. And there is also a special excitement – to see a really worthwhile thing in a pile of junk. In a store where you can find all colors and sizes, you will never experience such pride!”

In this case, we are talking more about the unconscious desire to “deceive” (“if I don’t tell, no one will guess”), which is characteristic of people with a hysterical temperament, says Tatyana Poddubnaya: “A special secret appears that allows her to feel “higher”, “more unique” than banal friends with a stereotyped, in her opinion, thinking.

If shopping trips do not please or cause mixed feelings, it is worth working with a psychologist to understand the reasons and come up with your own rules of behavior, concludes Stanislav Efremov. Then we will buy what is good for us, enjoying it without feeling guilty.

Text: Elza Lestvitskaya Photo Source: Getty Images

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How to stop spending money just to relax

What makes us buy, where does the money go and why shopaholism is not a women’s problem – on the International Day of Shopping “Style life” figured out how to stop spending just to relax.

November 11, some of our fellow citizens who are hungry for the holidays celebrate World Shopping Day. “Gazeta.Ru” made a selection of scientific papers on this occasion about how people become shopaholics. And how to stop being them if you don’t like being them.

Psychologist Gilles Valence, one of the world’s leading experts in what he calls “compulsive shopper disorders”, believes that the first thing a shopaholic should do is actually determine if he is a shopaholic and if so, acknowledge this fact. Here are the criteria by which Dr. Valens suggests thinking about your behavior.

1. You have unpacked purchases

And no, this does not mean purchases from Auchan, which you were too lazy to shove on the shelves yesterday, and you decided to “forget” to do this, because you didn’t buy anything like that, which can go bad outside the refrigerator. This refers to purchases that you have made very consciously. The clothes, shoes that you chose, tried on, decided to buy, and when you brought them home, they put them in the closet right in the bag.

2. You often make irrational purchases

These are purchases that you did not plan to make. This is especially true for things that you don’t really need: well, let’s say a phone case, if everything is in order with the case that you already have, and you are happy with it. This category also includes the behavior of the name Kerry Bradshaw when you are obsessed with buying one type of purchase – for example, designer shoes.

Yes, buying a fifth pair of designer shoes, even though you already have four great pairs, is also a sign of a shopaholic.

3. Shopping relaxes you

Whenever you have a fight with someone, you go to the store because it makes you feel better. Or shopping helps you relax, stop being nervous, and generally has a therapeutic effect on you when you have some kind of trouble in your life. This, too, according to psychologists, is not too normal.

4. When you buy something, you get an adrenaline rush

That is, when you make a purchase, you experience the same surge of energy as you get from coffee or sweets.

5. You try to hide your love of shopping

You try not to discuss with your loved ones how you like to go shopping, and hide the purchases from them.

6. You get nervous if you leave home without a credit card

Credit cards are generally a big evil in saving you from shopaholism, especially if you start to get physically nervous when you forget them at home: what if you now go to the store, you are there You will like something, but there will be no money with you.

7. When you go shopping, it seems to you that you are doing something bad

Or not bad, but something forbidden. Something that could get you into trouble. That is, if during shopping you feel like you have escaped from algebra.

If you agree with some of these theses, but disagree with some and still do not understand whether you are a shopaholic, this can be very easily checked.

The Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery – yes, there is one – believe that if you agree with at least four of the above statements, then you are a shopaholic.

What to do?

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1. First, understand that you are not alone. There are no more or less accurate data about Russia, but researchers from the journal World Psychology (World Psychiatry) believe that approximately 6% of Americans show certain signs of shopaholism and that this statistics is applicable to residents of all developed countries (not believe me: Russia was included there too).

2. Understand that the problem is not gender. Scientists from the University of Ohio (University in Ohio) came to the conclusion that among men and women the number of shopaholics is about the same. It’s just that both of them believe that this is more of a female problem. This attitude leads to the fact that men are embarrassed to admit that they have a “female” deviation, and women, on the contrary, believe that this is not a deviation at all, but a feature that is normal for a woman.

3. Find another hobby. Of course, it seems to you now that nothing in the world has such an intensely therapeutic effect on you as shopping. Believe me, it’s not. If you have enough passion to become a shopaholic, then you are able to do something less destructive for the soul and wallet with the same passion. Try sports, art, whatever.

In your situation, even becoming addicted to watching TV shows would be a good solution.

And don’t give up if your first new hobby doesn’t bring you as much pleasure as shopping did.