Why do husbands lie to their wives. How does lying impact trust in a marriage. What are the common reasons behind a husband’s deceptive behavior. How can couples address dishonesty in their relationship.

The Psychology Behind Marital Deception

Deception in marriage is a complex issue that often leaves wives wondering about their husband’s motives. Understanding the psychology behind why husbands lie can provide valuable insights into addressing this problematic behavior.

Psychologists suggest that lying in relationships often stems from deep-seated emotional issues or learned behaviors. For some men, dishonesty may be a coping mechanism developed in childhood to avoid conflict or punishment. Others may lie to maintain a sense of control or to protect their self-image.

Is lying always a sign of a troubled marriage? Not necessarily. While chronic dishonesty is certainly a red flag, occasional white lies may be attempts to avoid hurting a partner’s feelings. However, even small lies can erode trust over time if they become habitual.

Common Reasons Husbands Lie to Their Wives

Understanding the motivations behind a husband’s dishonesty is crucial for addressing the issue. Here are some of the most common reasons why husbands may lie:

• To avoid conflict or confrontation
• To protect their partner’s feelings
• To maintain a sense of independence or privacy
• To cover up infidelity or inappropriate behavior
• To hide financial problems or spending habits
• To maintain an idealized image of themselves
• Out of habit or learned behavior from childhood

Do these reasons justify lying in a marriage? While they may explain the behavior, they don’t excuse it. Open communication and honesty are foundational to a healthy relationship.

The Impact of Lying on Marital Trust

Dishonesty can have devastating effects on a marriage, eroding the foundation of trust that healthy relationships are built upon. When a wife discovers her husband has been lying, it can trigger a range of emotional responses:

• Feelings of betrayal and hurt
• Loss of trust and security in the relationship
• Doubt about other aspects of the marriage
• Anger and resentment towards the lying spouse
• Decreased intimacy and emotional connection

How long does it take to rebuild trust after lying in a marriage? The process of rebuilding trust can be lengthy and challenging, often requiring professional help. It depends on the severity of the lies, the couple’s commitment to healing, and their ability to address underlying issues.

Signs Your Husband May Be Lying to You

Identifying dishonesty in a marriage can be challenging, but there are often subtle signs that may indicate your husband is not being truthful:

• Inconsistencies in stories or explanations
• Defensive behavior when questioned
• Sudden changes in routine or behavior
• Increased secrecy around phone or computer use
• Avoidance of certain topics or conversations
• Physical signs of nervousness when discussing certain subjects

Are these signs definitive proof of lying? Not always. It’s important to approach suspicions with caution and open communication rather than making accusations based on assumptions.

Addressing Dishonesty in Your Marriage

Confronting a lying spouse can be daunting, but it’s a necessary step in addressing the issue and potentially saving your marriage. Here are some strategies for approaching the conversation:

1. Choose the right time and place for a private, uninterrupted discussion
2. Remain calm and avoid accusatory language
3. Express your concerns and feelings using “I” statements
4. Listen to your husband’s perspective without interrupting
5. Be prepared for potential defensiveness or denial
6. Discuss the impact of lying on your relationship and trust
7. Explore underlying reasons for the dishonesty
8. Establish clear expectations for honesty moving forward

Should you involve a marriage counselor in addressing dishonesty? In many cases, professional help can provide valuable guidance and tools for rebuilding trust and improving communication.

Rebuilding Trust After Discovering Lies

Rebuilding trust after uncovering dishonesty in your marriage is a challenging but possible process. It requires commitment and effort from both partners:

• Open and honest communication about feelings and concerns
• Consistency in actions and words from the lying spouse
• Patience and understanding from the hurt partner
• Addressing underlying issues that may have led to the dishonesty
• Establishing new patterns of transparency and accountability
• Seeking professional help if needed

How long does it typically take to rebuild trust in a marriage? The timeline varies for each couple, but it’s often a gradual process that can take months or even years. Consistency and genuine effort are key to reestablishing trust.

When to Consider Ending the Relationship

While many marriages can overcome issues of dishonesty, there are situations where ending the relationship may be the healthiest choice. Consider the following factors:

• Persistent lying despite attempts to address the issue
• Lies involving infidelity or other major breaches of trust
• Emotional or physical abuse masked by lies
• Unwillingness of the lying spouse to take responsibility or change
• Severe impact on your mental health and well-being

Is it ever too late to save a marriage affected by lying? While there’s no definitive answer, the potential for reconciliation often depends on both partners’ willingness to work on the relationship and address underlying issues.

Seeking Professional Help

When dealing with chronic dishonesty in a marriage, professional help can be invaluable. Marriage counselors and therapists can provide:

• Neutral ground for discussing sensitive issues
• Tools and techniques for improving communication
• Guidance in addressing underlying problems
• Support in rebuilding trust and intimacy
• Individual counseling to address personal issues contributing to dishonesty

How do you find the right therapist for marital issues? Look for professionals specializing in couples therapy, check credentials, and consider initial consultations to ensure a good fit for both partners.

The Role of Self-Reflection

While addressing a husband’s dishonesty, it’s also important for wives to engage in self-reflection:

• Examine your own behaviors and communication patterns
• Consider how you respond to honesty, even when it’s difficult to hear
• Reflect on your expectations within the marriage
• Evaluate your own honesty and transparency in the relationship

Can improving your own communication skills help address lying in your marriage? Often, yes. Creating an environment where honesty is valued and rewarded can encourage more open communication from both partners.

Cultivating Honesty in Your Marriage

Fostering a culture of honesty in your marriage is crucial for long-term happiness and stability. Consider these strategies:

• Practice open and non-judgmental communication
• Encourage vulnerability and emotional intimacy
• Address issues promptly rather than letting them fester
• Acknowledge and appreciate honesty, even when it’s difficult
• Model the behavior you want to see in your partner
• Regularly check in with each other about the state of your relationship

How often should couples have “state of the union” discussions? While it varies by couple, setting aside time monthly or quarterly to openly discuss your relationship can help maintain honesty and connection.

The Impact of Technology on Marital Honesty

In the digital age, technology has introduced new challenges to marital honesty:

• Increased opportunities for secretive communication
• Social media interactions that may blur relationship boundaries
• Digital financial transactions that are easier to hide
• Password-protected devices that can create suspicion

How can couples navigate technology use while maintaining trust? Establishing clear boundaries and expectations around digital privacy and sharing can help prevent misunderstandings and promote transparency.

Cultural and Societal Influences on Marital Honesty

Cultural background and societal norms can significantly influence attitudes towards honesty in marriage:

• Some cultures may prioritize harmony over complete honesty
• Gender roles and expectations can impact communication patterns
• Familial influences and upbringing shape attitudes towards truth-telling
• Societal pressures may encourage maintaining a facade of perfection

How can couples from different cultural backgrounds align their values on honesty? Open discussions about cultural differences and finding common ground on shared values is key to navigating these challenges.

The Role of Forgiveness in Overcoming Dishonesty

Forgiveness plays a crucial role in healing after discovering lies in a marriage:

• It allows for emotional healing and moving forward
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the behavior
• It’s a process that takes time and effort
• Both partners must be committed to change for forgiveness to be effective

Is forgiveness always possible or advisable in cases of marital dishonesty? While forgiveness can be healing, it should not come at the expense of self-respect or personal safety. In cases of repeated or severe betrayal, forgiveness may not be the best path forward.

Legal Considerations in Cases of Marital Dishonesty

In some cases, a husband’s lies may have legal implications:

• Financial dishonesty can impact divorce proceedings
• Lies about assets or income may affect alimony or child support
• In extreme cases, certain types of deception may be grounds for legal action

When should you consult a lawyer about your husband’s dishonesty? If you suspect your husband’s lies involve financial fraud, hidden assets, or other potentially illegal activities, it may be wise to seek legal counsel to understand your rights and options.

The Connection Between Mental Health and Dishonesty

Sometimes, a husband’s lying behavior may be linked to underlying mental health issues:

• Anxiety or depression can lead to avoidance and dishonesty
• Addiction often involves deception to hide substance use
• Personality disorders may include patterns of lying or manipulation
• Trauma or PTSD can impact truth-telling behaviors

How can you differentiate between dishonesty rooted in mental health issues versus deliberate deception? While it can be challenging, patterns of behavior, consistency of lies, and the presence of other symptoms can provide clues. Professional assessment may be necessary for a clear understanding.

Moving Forward: Life After Addressing Marital Dishonesty

Regardless of the outcome, addressing dishonesty in your marriage is a transformative experience:

• It can lead to deeper understanding and intimacy if successfully resolved
• The process often results in personal growth for both partners
• It may reveal incompatibilities or deal-breakers in the relationship
• The experience can inform future relationships and personal boundaries

How do couples maintain honesty and trust long-term after overcoming issues of lying? Ongoing commitment to open communication, regular check-ins, and a shared dedication to transparency are key to maintaining a healthy, honest relationship.

25 Possible Reasons Why Your Husband Lies and Hides Things

In This Article

When your husband lies and hides things from you constantly in a relationship, it is cause for significant concern as it may be a marker of a problem within your relationship.

In every form of partnership, the best way to improve your relationship is to be trustworthy and trust your love interest. That means keeping the line of communication open and being honest all the time. However, there are many marriages where the husband keeps secrets and lies.

Often, you hear a wife say, “My husband hides things from me and lies.” Or “My husband keeps lying to me.” When this happens, the wife has had enough of her lying husband.

This situation usually starts from lying about small things. For example, your husband may lie about liking your mode of dressing or your taste in music. These “little lies” begin real lies in a relationship. The effect of lying in a relationship is that it becomes a habit.

As such, many wives ask, “Why does my husband lie to me about everything?” You may even see some partners wondering whether they confront their spouse or end things. All these questions are valid, and you deserve the best of answers. 

In this article, we will be dissecting the reasons your husband lies and hides things from you or why your husband lies about everything. Also, you will learn the effects of lying in a relationship and what lies do to a marriage. Keep reading to find out more. 

What does it mean if your husband lies to you

Before seeking solutions to lying in a relationship, many wives want to know what it means when their husbands lie about everything. Well, your husband may lie to you to protect you from the truth. For example, if your husband realizes that telling something will hurt your feelings, he may withhold the truth. 

Similarly, your husband lies and hides things from you to protect your relationship. In young marriages, a husband might not tell you the truth about certain things because he feels it will damage the relationship. For instance, if he did something hurtful while dating, he may hold on to the truth for a while. 

Yes! As weird as it is, some individuals see lies in relationships as a norm. That’s because they are not used to being in healthy relationships where you can be vulnerable with your partner. Also, your husband lies because he is used to doing so. 

Nonetheless, lying in a relationship should never be encouraged. Remember, the best of relationships are where partners trust each other without a doubt. You need to see your spouse as an equal and someone with feelings. If your husband lies, it may be to protect you from the truth or hide something.

Reasons your husband lies and hides things from you

Another question some married women ask is, “Why does my husband keep lying to me?” There are many reasons your husband lies and hides things from you. 

First, it may start from harmless lies or what some call “white lies.” Some men lie to protect you from the truth or because they enjoy it. Mostly, lying husbands do so to protect their marriages. 

For example, in the case of a cheating husband, no wife will be calm about it, knowing her husband just broke their marriage vows. With this awareness, your husband may never reveal the truth about his actions. Instead, he may start lying about small things.

Generally, when it comes to lying in a relationship, some false statements are more understandable than others. For instance, your husband may lie about going to the gym or that he likes a particular meal you prepared to make you feel better. 

What lying does to a relationship can be irreparable. While some falsehoods are harmless, they may affect the relationship in the long haul. These “small lies” are signs of significant problems in the future. Thus, you must pay attention to them and seek fast solutions.

Should you stay with your lying husband

After identifying some signs of lying husbands, wives often want to know the next step. As such, they ask, “Should I stay with my lying husband?” Indeed, your decision to stay or leave a lying husband depends on you and other things.  

If you and your husband have come a long way in your partnership, you might want to slow down. Also, if it feels like your husband’s lies are harmless, you may stay. Nevertheless, it is best not to decide without confronting your husband and knowing why he lies. 

Furthermore, it is essential to state that there is no excuse for lying in a healthy relationship. Your partner deserves to know the truth at all times. That is one of the things that makes the relationship thrive. 

Make it your duty to discover why your husband lies and hides things from you and communicate about it. From there, you can decide if your lying husband is worth staying with or not. Whichever step you take after finding out about your lying husband depends solely on you. 

Therefore, don’t feel guilty for your action. After all, only you know the effect of lying in the relationship.

Related Reading: How Lies in a Relationship Can Tear Apart Even the Closest of Couples

25 reasons why your husband lies and hides things

There are various troublesome reasons why people lie to the people they love. However, it can become a problem when it casts a shadow over the trust in your relationship, it becomes a habit or is a symptom of underlying problems in the relationship. 

Here are some reasons why husbands lie to their spouses. Read along and analyze whether one of them can shed light on your situation with your husband.

1. To protect your feelings

One of the common reasons your husband lies is to protect you. As unbelievable as it sounds, your husband may be lying to you to make you feel better. In this case, he has the best intention in mind, but his approach to light is unacceptable to many. 

For example, your husband may praise your cooking skills to make you happy, knowing how you might feel if you learned you don’t cook well.

2. He doesn’t want to bother you

Another reason your husband lies and hides things from you is because he feels he shouldn’t disturb you. It happens when your husband deals with personal issues in the office or with his family.  

Your husband may feel sharing the truth with you might make you uncomfortable and starts worrying. Such a husband lies only to protect your peace. While it’s normal to feel angry, know that he only wants the best for you.

3. Lying is easy

Well, your husband keeps secrets and lies because it is the most convenient thing to do. Look at it in this way: Which will be better? A lying husband detailing how giving another woman a lift turned to an exchange of numbers and meetups later or saying she is nobody?

Of course, it is easier to say she is a nobody. Therefore, some men lie because it is the easiest thing to do. Usually, this isn’t a habit developed overnight. Anyone who lies unprovoked has been doing it for a long time.

4. He doesn’t respect you

Unfortunately, your husband lies in a relationship because he doesn’t respect you enough. In a typical relationship, the partners should be open to each other. You shouldn’t learn some things about your partner from others.  

Your husband keeps secrets and lies because he may not feel you deserve the simple courtesy of knowing the truth. It hurts when someone you love doesn’t regard you enough to let you know the truth. However, it is a sign that you need to reassess your role in the relationship.

Related Reading: 20 Signs He Doesn’t Respect You

5. He is a serial liar

If your husband lies conveniently, there is only one explanation for that – he is a consistent liar. Lying is a common immoral act, so if your husband lies about everything, it means he is a serial liar. Everyone lies at one point or the other but knows where to draw the line.

6. He wants to end the relationship

The fact is if your husband lies to you constantly, he doesn’t care about your feelings. If he doesn’t care about your feelings, he has no value for the relationship. At this point, there is one logical explanation – your husband wants to break up with you.  

Sadly, some individuals aren’t bold enough to end a relationship, so they don’t look like the bad person. They lie to their partners consistently to provoke them to react.

7. Your husband is scared of you

While it’s not your fault that your husband lies, you may still be the architect of their falsehoods. Although most of us were taught about honesty as children, we have lied to protect ourselves from our parents’ or guidance’s reactions. Well, some adults still exhibit this. 

If your reactions to things in the past haven’t been pleasant, your husband may lie to you. This scenario may be entirely to protect yourself, your husband, or another person. If you often overreact to situations without thinking, your husband may lie to you.

8. You are better off with the lie

A typical relationship isn’t easy to pull off as it comes with its baggage, ups, and downs. We all go into it expecting the best, but you may find yourself in certain situations. Such a situation might mean you do not know certain truths about your partner. 

People can be sometimes selfish, and if they know the truth will end the relationship, they won’t bother telling you. While lying isn’t encouraged in any relationship, it does happen in some homes. 

9. Your husband lies to avoid argument 

Lying about small things can sometimes be a defense mechanism for your husband. Most men hate arguments and so lies about little things. In other words, if your husband hates arguments or disagreements of any sort, the easiest thing for him would be to lie and keep secrets from you.

Related Reading: 6 Tips on How to Stop an Argument From Escalating

10. He doesn’t want to fight

If your husband starts lying about minor things, he may be avoiding a fight. 

A typical example of such a situation is when he hangs out late with his friends. If you had fought him for late coming when hanging out with his friends, he would lie the next time such happens. Here, he is simply saving everyone from stress. 

11. To make you appreciate them

Your husband may be lying about small things in a relationship to make you appreciate him more. For instance, he can lie about the price of a gift he buys for you to make you appreciate him more.

Related Reading: 8 Ways to Show Appreciation to the Love of Your Life

12. To make themselves feel good

If telling you the truth about some issues makes your husband feel bad, he will naturally resort to lying. Again, deception becomes easy for some people. For instance, your husband may lie that he won an award at his workplace to make himself feel valued and appreciated.

13. To get a reward from you

If your partner knows lying to you might make you see them in a good light, then they can sprinkle in some white lies. 

Once your husband knows you will be happier if they tell you about something that will make you give them more care and attention, they might not feel wrong lying to you.

14. It isn’t the right time

Your husband can start lying about things because the time is not right. 

In this case, they will eventually tell you the truth, probably in a few days, weeks or months. However, telling you the truth at the moment might cause some issues. So, they believe it is best to avoid them by telling you a lie.

15. You don’t want the truth

If your husband lies and hides things from you, it could be that you don’t want the truth. Quite a several people will want their partner to be honest with them about certain things. If you had given your partner the impression that you would prefer a lie if the truth hurts, he might start lying.

16. To show he is brave

Generally, men don’t like to appear weak in front of their partners. So, your husband can start lying about small things in the relationship to put on a brave face. For instance, he may tell you he is fine after the death of his friend when he is hurting a lot.

17. He doesn’t feel he is lying

It may seem like everyone understands what it means to lie. However, this isn’t always true. Your husband lies and hides things from you because he doesn’t see them as they are. He believes lying about small things or omitting some details isn’t such a big deal.

18. He doesn’t love you

Partners who love each other deeply aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. They share things, experiences, and events without holding back because they see themselves as the same. If your husband doesn’t love you enough, lying becomes an easy task.

Related Reading: 21 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

19. He doesn’t want to disappoint you

Do you often realize, “My husband lies to me about little things.” If this is your situation, your husband lies and hides things from you to avoid you getting disappointed. Wives often hold their husbands in some regard, and anything that threatens this may break their hearts.

20. They don’t trust you

You may hear some women say, “my husband hides things from me and lies.” In these scenarios, you may be the reason. The truth is your husband keeps secrets and lies because they don’t see you as a safe place for truth. That may be a result of some of your actions in the past.

21. He is insecure

Personal or relationship insecurity can make your partner act in desperate ways.

Your husband may lie and hide things from you because he isn’t confident about himself or some situations. If telling the truth about some things makes him feel uncomfortable, lying will ensue.

Related Reading: 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

22. He is protecting someone

Lying about some things could signify that your husband is protecting someone. For instance, your husband may lie to protect a family member or friend. Although honestly is still the best policy, if the other person has asked your husband to keep a secret, they may lie to you.

23. Your husband has things to hide 

Your husband keeps secrets and lies because he has done something awful. This reason is why many spouses lie to their wives unprovoked. The truth may or may not come out, but they feel safe lying to you.

24. Your husband is cheating on you

One common reason your husband lies to you is that they are having an affair. Even if they have no regard for you, cheating will always be a secret at first. Your husband will feel pressure to lie to protect themselves and to keep the act going.

To learn some signs that your husband is cheating on you, watch this video:

25. Your husband is ashamed

Your husband lies and hides things from you because he is ashamed of his behavior. This could be anything from cheating or hurting another person. Whichever the reason, your husband will prefer falsehood to save his face.

What to do when your husband lies to you

Now that you know the lying husband signs, it is natural to seek a way out. Some women’s first instinct is to leave the marriage. But before deciding whether to leave or stay, you should try strategies to save your marriage.

To begin with, gather some evidence and be sure that your partner truly lies to you. That must have been after he has lied consistently. After this, have an honest conversation with your husband.

Perhaps the first and easy step you can take when your husband lies is to talk to him. Let him know you are aware of his constant lies. Ask why he acts that way. Try your best to stay calm and listen to him when he responds. 

Your husband will be caught unawares and may have no choice but to be truthful. Don’t forget to make him feel it is acceptable to tell you anything. That way, he won’t hold anything back from you.

If your husband still sounds defensive, doesn’t take responsibility, or doesn’t accept the lies or hides things from you, it might be time to reassess your position in the relationship.

How to deal with a lying husband

Some women want to know how to deal with a lying husband. Indeed, we have all told some white lies or ordinary lies in the past. Thus it’s understandable if your husband lies and hides things from you once in a while. What is unacceptable is a husband that lies about everything?

If your husband lies about little things in a relationship, you need to ask yourself if you are the cause. If you lie to yourself, overreact, or make your husband feel low, he won’t stop lying to you. 

So, look inward and consider if your actions are the cause of his lies. Then, adjust accordingly, so your partner can be more truthful.

As the saying goes, “Be the change you seek.” If you want the truth from your husband, you should lead by example. Don’t make your husband question you every time you speak. Also, be more vulnerable and open so that he can reciprocate.

Conclusion 

Lying about little things in a relationship is the beginning of significant deceits. The effects of lying in a relationship or marriage can be devastating. When your husband lies and hides things from you, it makes you question their actions. 

It is pretty unhealthy for the relationship, so it is best to seek solutions. You can communicate with your husband about your feelings and why they act like that. If this proves futile, you may seek the help of professionals, like a therapist or marriage counselor. Also, try reading experts’ books that dwell on marriage issues. 

What to Do When a Spouse Lies

When you’ve caught someone in lies, it’s natural to doubt almost everything they say. And when that someone happens to be your spouse, the sense of betrayal is even more profound. How can you rebuild trust when your spouse has lied to you?

Reasons Spouses Lie

There are many reasons your spouse may be dishonest with you. Maybe they’re not fully coming clean because:

They have already disappointed you, and they’re afraid of your reaction;
They promised to change a pattern, and they haven’t;
They promised to get something done, but didn’t…even though they meant to.

People often lie not necessarily to deceive, but to protect their own ego. They’re ashamed of what they’re trying to cover up, they are afraid of the consequences, and they don’t want to have to live with your disappointment in them. When this is the case, it can be easy for them to convince themselves that they’re not really lying.

In cases like these, this isn’t so much a character issue as it is a maturity issue. They’re not liars across the board–this is not an issue of global dishonest or global distrust. But by the same token, they have to be willing to start to come clean, because regardless of the reasons for their dishonesty, lying is a toxic practice that will eventually break down your marriage.

Another kind of dishonesty is when your spouse is actively trying to deceive you by doing things you wouldn’t choose for them to do–things that are destructive to them, to your relationship, or even to other people. Maybe they aren’t honoring your relationship through chronic or repetitive infidelity.

When someone is actively deceptive on a large scale, is deliberately deceiving you and hurting you and others, they have holes in their conscience. Clinically, we refer to these people as sociopaths or psychopaths–in other words, people lacking the normal sense of guilt that most others feel when engaging in activities that are morally wrong and hurtful to others.

How to Confront a Lying Spouse

Now that you’re dealing with deception in your marriage, you’re going to think that whatever your spouse has lied to you about is global. It might be; then again, it might not. There’s no way around the painful conversation that comes next; you have to be able to put this on the table with your spouse, one way or another.

How can you confront this in a way that will be productive? There are a few different ways of dealing with dishonesty, depending on what the root of it is.

If your spouse is lying to protect his or her ego, talk to him or her about your perspectives, your experiences, and your feelings surrounding the lie. Yes, you’re in pain, but don’t throw it in your spouse’s face or try to hurt them back (even if you want to). Saying things like, “Look what you’ve done!” or, “Look how you’ve hurt me!” won’t be helpful.

The worst thing you can do is provoke someone when you’ve recognized that they’re not being honest with you. Try to look at the situation in the context of their perspective, and attempt to understand why they felt the need to lie. Emotional fear causes people to lie because they don’t want to feel exposed, for whatever reason.

It’s very good judgment to reveal that you know what’s going on up-front; don’t try to set up a situation where you can “catch them” in a lie. Instead, let them know that you know they’ve been dishonest. Gently explain that you feel very betrayed, and this is painful for you.

You can ask your spouse, “Why didn’t you think I’d be safe to tell the truth to?” Let them answer, and hear them out. Then, let them know that you’d rather feel disappointed because they told you the truth, rather than betrayed because they lied about it.

Be careful not to appear judgmental; instead, let your spouse see that you’re sad and hurt, and that you want to have a relationship with them that isn’t painful and doesn’t include deception.

Tell your spouse that you don’t want this to happen again. Trust is the foundation of love, and you must be able to maintain a healthy sense of trust in one another in order to nurture the lifelong love you both want.

If your spouse falls into the more toxic, chronically deceptive category, don’t deliberately try to catch them in their lies. Instead, the approach you take should be more strategic, aimed at interrupting his or her patterns of deception. This approach will also communicate that you’re not fooled.

If you’re seeing things that don’t add up–that make you suspect deep dishonesty–try saying, “Look, I see this, and I see this. And they do not add up.” Simply state the facts. Let them know that what you’re seeing and what they’re saying don’t add up.

Another variation you could use is, “I’m getting different messages that make it seem like you’re not being honest with me. ” Stating that words and actions, or stories and evidence, don’t add up interrupts their pattern of chronic lying, and they won’t feel like they’re getting away with it.

Little by little, pull down each brick in the wall of lies they’ve built. Confront your spouse event by event, as things happen, and deconstruct the illusion they’re trying to create.

Staying in a relationship with a sociopathic person is incredibly toxic, and you may find that you need to seek professional counseling in order to cope more comprehensively with what’s happening in your marriage.

You Can Overcome Dishonesty in Your Marriage

People have best and worst moments, and when you’re married someone, you see the very best and the very worst of one another. You can overcome dishonesty in your marriage and go on to live a long, happy life together, full of trust and honesty.

Have faced a spouse’s dishonesty? How did you confront him or her about it, and what was the end result? We’d love to hear your stories in the comments section.

Scientists: men consider themselves good liars

Men are twice as likely as women to believe that they are plausibly lying, British experts have found. Moreover, the more confident a person is in his ability to lie, the more often he resorts to it, they warn.

Men are great liars who get away with their lies. At least that’s how they think of themselves, experts at the University of Portsmouth found out. The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE .

“Previous studies have shown that most people lie 1-2 times a day,” says Dr. Brianna Verigin, lead author of the study. — But this is not entirely accurate data, most people do not lie every day. Only a small number of people are responsible for most of the lies.”

As shown by earlier studies, 5% of people account for up to half of all lies. Many people practically do not resort to lies in everyday life. At the same time, the ability to recognize lies is much more dependent on the abilities of the liar than on the one to whom they are lying, the authors of the work note. However, the most effective methods and strategies used by liars are little studied.

“Studies show that we are not as good at spotting lies as we think,” says Verigin. “With luck, we make it half the time.

In this work, we wanted to focus on those who can lie and try to understand how they do it and who they lie to.

Researchers interviewed 194 men and women aged about 39 years. They had to say how well they deceive others, how many times they lied over the past 24 hours and about what exactly and whether they did it face to face or otherwise.

As it turns out, the key strategy for liars is not to give out too much information at once and to make the lie as believable as possible. Moreover, the more a person is sure that he lies well, the more often he does it.

Most often, liars simply withheld part of the information. But those most confident in their abilities wove the lie into the truth, which they said made it difficult to recognize it. Those who thought they couldn’t lie simply used the most vague wording.

The more confident people were in the credibility of their lies, the more often they lied.

Overall, in descending order, the most common lying strategies were: white lies, exaggeration, withholding information, inserting lies into a true story, and completely made up stories.

Most people preferred to lie face to face. Then came text messages, phone calls, email, and finally social media.

Most often, those who like to lie did this by communicating with family, friends and colleagues. But they are unlikely to lie to an employer or other authoritative person.

The level of education had no effect on the ability to lie, but gender became a significant factor.

Men were twice as likely to say they were talented liars.

“We found a significant relationship between the craving for lies and gender,” says Verigin. “Men were more than twice as likely to consider themselves expert liars who get away with lying.”

Among those who considered themselves mediocre liars, 70% were women.

However, it is not possible to establish the extent to which representatives of different sexes are really capable of lying in this study.

Also, the results of the work confirmed earlier data: about half of the lies are accounted for by only a small number of people.

Those who lie are mostly men who lie to those closest to them, sums up Verigin. They are confident that they are good at intertwining lies with the truth, making it difficult for others to recognize them, and are able to hide lies in simple stories that few would think to doubt.

Interestingly, those who liked to lie mostly lied about minor issues, the researchers note. Earlier work has shown that such people are more likely to lie “big” and in serious situations. However, it is possible that the whole point is that in this study, the participants themselves evaluate their behavior, the scientists emphasize.

The authors note that further research is needed to learn more about talented liars and how they hide fictitious information in the true one. Their work is based on site self-reports, so the results are limited by their subjective perception of themselves.

It is not known how well those of them who consider themselves good liars lie.

In the future, the researchers plan to refine the data by testing the abilities of liars under controlled laboratory conditions.

What Men Lie About: 12 Common Tricks

1. “I will never deceive or betray you”

I am already lying when I say this. You know yourself – a person who always tells the truth will not convince anyone of this. It just doesn’t occur to him.

The reason why I tell you that I will never lie is that sooner or later you will notice the differences between my words and actions. Puzzling over why I suddenly acted so cruelly, you will remember how I assured you that I was an honest person and always kept myself in hand. I am incapable of doing anything of the sort.

You will be completely at a loss and want to believe in the person that I seemed to you, and not in who I really am.

2. “It’s crazy how much we have in common!”

It is not necessary to go crazy – I have already managed to study you and now I reflect you as in a mirror. While we were talking with you, I managed to find out your most secret dreams and weaknesses. From the very first date, I tried to gradually find out what is missing in your life.

Now I will “take the form” of your ideal, the person you always wanted to be with, at least for the time being, until I get everything I want. Then I will remove the mask from time to time, and soon you will not be able to recognize the person with whom you fell in love at first.

3. “I’m writing to you just to tell you I miss you.”

I want to know that I still have control over you and your life.

This is a test that I will occasionally do after I disappear for a few days. Or after suddenly being rude. Or I’ll make you jealous by showing up with my newest victim.

I am sending these short messages to make sure that it is still important to you that you are still waiting for me.