What are the common signs of oldest child syndrome. How does birth order affect personality development. What strategies can parents use to mitigate oldest child syndrome. How can firstborns overcome challenges associated with their birth order.

Understanding Oldest Child Syndrome: Origins and Impact

Oldest child syndrome stems from Alfred Adler’s Birth Order Theory, which posits that an individual’s personality is significantly influenced by their position in the family. While this theory has faced scrutiny, certain traits associated with birth order remain consistent across various studies and observations.

The transition from being an only child to having siblings can be particularly challenging for firstborns. This shift in family dynamics often leads to a developmental crisis, potentially triggering sibling rivalry and jealousy. Understanding the roots of oldest child syndrome is crucial for parents and firstborns alike to navigate these challenges effectively.

The Psychology Behind Oldest Child Syndrome

The psychological underpinnings of oldest child syndrome are complex and multifaceted. Firstborns often experience a sense of dethronement when younger siblings arrive, leading to a reevaluation of their role within the family unit. This sudden change can prompt various behavioral and emotional responses, some of which may persist into adulthood if not addressed appropriately.

8 Telltale Signs of Oldest Child Syndrome

Recognizing the signs of oldest child syndrome is the first step towards addressing its potential impact. Here are eight key characteristics to watch for:

1. Leadership and Dominance Tendencies
2. Perfectionist Attitudes
3. Heightened Parental Expectations
4. Elevated Self-Esteem
5. Unhealthy Competitive Spirit
6. Obsessive Behaviors
7. Overprotectiveness Towards Younger Siblings
8. Difficulty Adapting to Change

1. Leadership and Dominance Tendencies

Firstborns often find themselves thrust into leadership roles within the family dynamic. While this can foster valuable skills, it may also lead to domineering behavior. How does this manifest? Older siblings might attempt to control their younger counterparts, making decisions on their behalf or enforcing rules without parental consent.

2. Perfectionist Attitudes

A 2008 study revealed that firstborns tend to set higher standards for themselves, often striving for perfection. This drive can be a double-edged sword, fueling achievements but potentially leading to stress and anxiety when goals aren’t met. Parents should encourage a balanced approach to success and failure.

3. Heightened Parental Expectations

Oldest children frequently face increased pressure to excel, particularly in academics. Parents may, consciously or unconsciously, place greater expectations on their firstborn to set an example for younger siblings. This pressure can lead to stress and anxiety if not managed properly.

4. Elevated Self-Esteem

Research supports Adler’s theory that older children often possess higher self-esteem and confidence. While beneficial in many aspects of life, unchecked self-esteem can lead to ego issues and difficulty in social situations. Balancing confidence with humility is key for healthy interpersonal relationships.

The Impact of Birth Order on Career Trajectories

Interestingly, birth order may influence career paths and success. A notable study found that firstborns are more likely to become CEOs. This trend is exemplified by prominent figures such as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Richard Branson, all of whom are firstborns. What factors contribute to this phenomenon? It’s possible that the leadership skills and drive for achievement cultivated in oldest children translate well to executive roles.

5. Unhealthy Competitive Spirit

When sibling rivalry isn’t properly addressed, it can evolve into an unhealthy competitive attitude that persists into adulthood. This can strain familial relationships and impact personal growth. How can parents mitigate this? Encouraging cooperation rather than competition and acknowledging each child’s unique strengths can help foster a more harmonious family dynamic.

6. Obsessive Behaviors

The drive for perfection in oldest children can sometimes manifest as obsessive tendencies. This might involve excessive focus on details or difficulty letting go of tasks until they’re “just right.” While attention to detail can be beneficial, it’s important to recognize when it becomes detrimental to well-being.

Navigating Family Dynamics: Strategies for Parents

Parents play a crucial role in mitigating the negative aspects of oldest child syndrome while nurturing the positive traits. Here are some strategies to consider:

• Encourage individual interests and talents in each child
• Avoid comparisons between siblings
• Provide equal attention and affection to all children
• Foster open communication about feelings and expectations
• Teach conflict resolution skills
• Celebrate each child’s unique achievements

7. Overprotectiveness Towards Younger Siblings

Oldest children often adopt a protective stance towards their younger siblings. While this can be a positive trait, it may become problematic if taken to extremes. Overprotectiveness can hinder the younger siblings’ independence and decision-making abilities. How can parents strike a balance? Encouraging the oldest child to support their siblings while allowing them to make their own choices is key.

8. Difficulty Adapting to Change

Firstborns may struggle with adapting to significant changes in family dynamics or personal circumstances. This resistance to change can stem from a desire to maintain control and stability. Parents can help by involving the oldest child in family decisions and providing them with tools to cope with change effectively.

Overcoming Oldest Child Syndrome: Strategies for Firstborns

While parents play a crucial role in addressing oldest child syndrome, firstborns themselves can take steps to overcome associated challenges. Here are some strategies:

1. Practice self-awareness and reflection
2. Develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety
3. Learn to set realistic expectations for oneself
4. Cultivate empathy and understanding towards siblings
5. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals when needed
6. Embrace flexibility and adaptability
7. Focus on personal growth rather than competition

The Positive Aspects of Being the Oldest Child

While oldest child syndrome presents challenges, being the firstborn also comes with numerous advantages. These positive traits can be leveraged for personal and professional success:

• Strong leadership skills
• High achievement orientation
• Increased responsibility and maturity
• Advanced problem-solving abilities
• Enhanced communication skills
• Greater self-confidence
• Ability to mentor and guide others

By recognizing and nurturing these positive attributes, oldest children can turn potential challenges into strengths.

The Role of Parenting Styles in Shaping Oldest Child Syndrome

Parenting styles play a significant role in the development and manifestation of oldest child syndrome. Different approaches can either exacerbate or mitigate the challenges associated with being the firstborn. Let’s explore how various parenting styles impact oldest child syndrome:

Authoritative Parenting

Characterized by high expectations balanced with emotional support, authoritative parenting tends to produce well-adjusted oldest children. This approach encourages independence while providing guidance, potentially reducing the negative aspects of oldest child syndrome. How does this work? By setting clear boundaries while also fostering open communication, authoritative parents help firstborns develop a healthy sense of self without overwhelming pressure.

Authoritarian Parenting

Strict rules and high expectations without much warmth or explanation can intensify oldest child syndrome. Firstborns raised in authoritarian households may develop heightened perfectionism and struggle with self-esteem issues. The pressure to meet rigid standards can lead to anxiety and difficulty in forming balanced relationships with siblings.

Permissive Parenting

While less common in relation to oldest child syndrome, permissive parenting can still impact firstborns. With few rules or expectations, oldest children might struggle to develop self-discipline or may feel burdened by having to set their own boundaries. This can lead to inconsistent behavior and difficulties in leadership roles typically associated with being the eldest.

Neglectful Parenting

In cases of neglectful parenting, oldest child syndrome may manifest in extreme forms. Firstborns might take on parental roles prematurely, leading to resentment and burnout. The lack of guidance and support can result in insecurity masked by overcompensation in areas like achievement or control over siblings.

Sibling Relationships: Nurturing Healthy Bonds

The relationship between the oldest child and their younger siblings is a crucial aspect of family dynamics. Fostering positive sibling relationships can help mitigate the negative effects of oldest child syndrome while promoting emotional growth for all children involved. Here are some strategies to encourage healthy sibling bonds:

• Encourage cooperative activities that allow siblings to work together
• Teach conflict resolution skills to all children
• Avoid comparisons between siblings
• Create opportunities for one-on-one time with each child
• Celebrate each child’s unique qualities and achievements
• Encourage empathy and understanding between siblings
• Establish family traditions that involve all children equally

By implementing these strategies, parents can help create a family environment that supports positive sibling relationships and individual growth.

The Long-Term Impact of Oldest Child Syndrome

The effects of oldest child syndrome can extend well into adulthood, influencing various aspects of life. Understanding these long-term impacts can help individuals and families address potential issues proactively. Here are some areas where oldest child syndrome may continue to play a role in adulthood:

Career Choices and Professional Behavior

Firstborns often gravitate towards leadership positions and high-achieving careers. While this can lead to professional success, it may also result in workaholic tendencies or difficulty delegating tasks. How can oldest children find balance? Recognizing these patterns and consciously developing a more balanced approach to work and personal life is crucial.

Romantic Relationships

The tendency towards perfectionism and control associated with oldest child syndrome can impact romantic relationships. Firstborns might struggle with vulnerability or have unrealistic expectations of partners. Developing self-awareness and working on emotional intelligence can help navigate these challenges.

Parenting Style

When oldest children become parents themselves, they may unconsciously replicate patterns from their own upbringing. This could manifest as high expectations for their own firstborn or difficulty in treating siblings equally. Awareness of these tendencies allows for more conscious parenting choices.

Mental Health

The pressure and responsibility often placed on oldest children can contribute to anxiety and stress in adulthood. Perfectionist tendencies may lead to burnout or impostor syndrome. Seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial in addressing these deep-rooted issues.

By understanding and addressing the long-term impacts of oldest child syndrome, individuals can work towards healthier relationships, more balanced professional lives, and improved overall well-being.

8 Signs Of Oldest Child Syndrome And How To Deal With It

Pay attention to signs and help your child develop healthy relations with their siblings.

Image: iStock

Have you heard about the oldest child syndrome? According to Alfred Adler’s Birth Order Theory, one’s personality and who one becomes as an individual is influenced by the order they come in the family (1). Although the theory has been challenged repeatedly, a few characteristics stated for oldest, middle, and youngest children remain consistent, and oldest child syndrome is one characteristic that is usually spoken about.

The birth order, family’s situation, a combination of these, and other factors play a major role in shaping the child’s personality and its development. Read this post to understand about oldest child syndrome.

What Is Oldest Child Syndrome?

Image: Shutterstock

Have you noticed your oldest child getting unexpectedly competitive with their younger sibling or throwing a tantrum out of jealousy? Do they show dominance or boss around their younger siblings? These may be signs of oldest child syndrome in your firstborn.

With most firstborns across the world, the birth of their sibling brings a normal transition in their lives. From being the “only child” of their parents, they are now dethroned and have to share their parent’s love and attention with their younger siblings. This transition can be stressful and may cause a developmental crisis for many children (2). It could be the root cause of sibling rivalry, jealousy and a traumatic experience for the firstborns (1).

Though there are pros and cons of being the oldest child, certain behaviors and personality characteristics can give rise to the oldest child syndrome.

8 Characteristics Or Signs Of Oldest Child Syndrome

The oldest child in a family experiences some emotions. While some of these characteristics are good, a few characteristics may not be healthy for their personality.

1. They might want to lead and dominate

Image: Shutterstock

Firstborn children are thrust into a leadership position when their younger siblings arrive. Leading and helping their younger siblings and showing maturity become a part of their identity (3). But if they become dominating instead of leading, it becomes a sign of the oldest child syndrome.

Trivia

A study found that firstborns are more likely to become CEOs (7). Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Richard Branson are a few exemplars.

2. They might have a constant urge to be perfect

A study conducted in 2008 states that the firstborns tend to be perfectionists and have higher standards (4). They can also be called ‘achievers.’ It is fine until they know their limits. If they become aggressive or depressed when they cannot achieve success or when their sibling wins, it becomes an unhealthy trait.

3. They might have the pressure of parent’s expectations

Due to their constant urge to be perfect and tendency to please their parents, older children have greater academic pressure than their younger siblings. Also, parents expect their oldest children to be a role model for their younger siblings in every aspect, including academics (5). The pressure from the parents and the need to excel and gain constant recognition could take them into a zone where they cannot accept failure, which could become problematic in their later years.

4. They may have high self-esteem

According to Adler’s theory and multiple studies in recent times, it has been found that older children tend to have higher self-esteem and confidence (6). It helps them in their academic performance and professionalism but may not be helpful in social life. High self-esteem could also lead to ego problems and resentment, and if they are not humble and do not have gratitude, others might not accept them.

Expert says

Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, says, “Since firstborns follow their parents’ lead, they like taking charge as they have no older siblings to rag them” (8).

Related: 7 Tips To Build Self-Esteem In Children & Activities To Do

5. They might develop an unhealthy competitive attitude

Image: IStock

When the sibling rivalry and jealousy on the sibling’s arrival is not handled properly by parents, the firstborn can hold it as a grudge against their parents or their younger sibling. This creates unhealthy competition between the siblings even after growing up—a sign of the oldest child syndrome.

6. They might become obsessive

The oldest child becomes a protector of the younger ones. It is a good quality until it turns extreme and they start to exercise authority over them.

If you find your child going overboard trying to make something perfect to the level of obsession, it is unhealthy for them and the younger siblings. Even the younger children may get used to the protection and become dependent, while the oldest ones could lose themselves to their siblings and become obsessive.

7. They may act as a second-parent to their siblings

When parents have their second child, they encourage their firstborns to care for their younger siblings. Often, this parenting strategy can give rise to a sibling bond where the firstborn becomes a second-parent figure to the younger sibling. Some oldest children may develop parental feelings and responsibility towards their younger siblings, evident in their personalities and behavior. It goes smooth until the attachment is within boundaries. Otherwise, it could be harmful to both. They might expect the younger sibling to start obeying them like they obey their parents.

8. They might become controlling

In their quest for perfection and achievements, first born children may develop a tendency to control everything around them, including their younger siblings. Their inherent tendency to lead and the power to act as a second-parent to their younger siblings can be the reason why some oldest children become overly controlling.

Quick fact

A study found that the oldest child prioritizes their family more than their siblings (9).

Related: 5 Ways To Handle your Out-Of-Control Teenager

How Can the Oldest Child Overcome This Syndrome?

Dr. Howard Pratt, DO, behavioral health medical director at Community Health of South Florida, Inc., says, “It’s important not to put a label on a child. If you are going to have a firstborn seen by a mental health professional, it’s important to go in without preconceptions that this child will have all of these symptoms just because they were born first. ”

If you notice your oldest child demonstrating some characteristics of oldest child syndrome, here are some ways by which you can help them overcome.

1. Have moderate expectations from firstborn

Intentionally or unintentionally, the explosion of expectations from firstborns can put a huge amount of pressure on them. If your firstborn shows traits of being people-pleaser, they might also feel extremely bad or miserable when they fail.

Though this characteristic develops from a firstborn’s tendency for perfectionism, you must encourage and praise them even when they fail. Allow them to fail at times and teach them how to accept this failure gracefully.

2. Provide ample opportunities
   

   Image: Shutterstock

Most parents expect their first child to be more of a role model for their younger siblings, but little do they realize the number of responsibilities they are putting on them.

Do not overburden your firstborn with responsibilities, instead provide them ample opportunities to grow. At the same time, it is okay to encourage them to develop leadership skills, value independence, and teach them not to become too bossy or dominating.

3. Spend time with them alone

Irrespective of the number of children you have, make time for each child. The oldest children must be spoken to in a casual and friendly way. You can take an interest in their friends, school work, classmates, share memories of your childhood, and speak to them about their plans.

Doing so gives them a sense of confidence and trust and makes them realize that despite their younger siblings, their parents love them equally.

Related: 12 Fun Weekend Activities To Do With Your Family

4. Provide special privileges to them
   

   Image: Shutterstock

One of the many situations that the oldest children face is a more-focused upbringing because first-time parents put all their attention towards this child. This might make their upbringing tough after the arrival of their siblings. To balance this out, you must give your eldest child some special privileges, such as late bedtime, longer playtime after school, and having a say in a few discussions. Set some rules for all your children and give some special privileges to each of your children. This evens out any biases that your children might have in their minds.

1. How being the oldest child affects personality?

The oldest child in a family is usually under more pressure, making them more anxious and serious. Parents usually look up to them to take care of their younger siblings, making them more responsible. When the second child is born, parents’ attention shifts to them, making the oldest child independent.

Dr. Pratt observes, “Birth order is not a great determinant of personality. The family dynamics at the time of birth and after that are more likely to affect a child’s personality. The environment in which the child grows up allows them to develop and define their personality. ”

2. Are oldest children more attractive?

The birth order may not determine the attractiveness of a child. However, the older child can be more serious and responsible. The younger children, on the other hand, tend to be carefree and more relaxed. Nonetheless, it cannot be generalized, and every child has unique personality traits.

3. Are there any gender differences in how the oldest child syndrome manifests?

No proven data shows unique gender differences in how the oldest child syndrome appears. However, there may be some gender differences in how it manifests based mainly on societal expectations and cultural norms, which can vary across different cultures and periods. For instance, the oldest daughters may be expected to assume caregiving roles like caring for younger siblings. In contrast, the oldest sons may be expected to take leadership roles in the family and be role models for younger siblings.

4. Is oldest child syndrome recognized by psychologists and other experts?

Oldest child syndrome is not a recognized diagnostic term in psychology. However, psychologists and other experts agree that birth order may impact personality traits and behaviors (4).

5. How does the oldest child syndrome affect romantic relationships and family dynamics?

Research indicates that individuals with the oldest child syndrome are more inclined to form close bonds with others who share their birth order. Additionally, firstborns tend to display a greater sense of responsibility, which is integral to a relationship. Furthermore, oldest children often develop nurturing qualities due to their role in caring for younger siblings. Therefore, they may exhibit caregiving behaviors and prioritize the needs of their partners. However, if the oldest child becomes overly focused on caretaking and neglects their own needs, it may also lead to potential imbalances in the relationship (10) (11).

Oldest child syndrome comprises the behavioral changes exhibited by your firstborn after the birth of their younger sibling. They may show dominating tendencies, develop an unhealthy competitive attitude, and become controlling. However, these changes in their behavior and emotions are natural and experienced by most older siblings. Try the tips mentioned here to help your child overcome their insecurities. Further, spend whatever spare time you have with them, and ensure you give them your undivided attention. If you feel you are unable to help your child, you could seek help from professionals.

Key Pointers

• Obsession, desire for perfection, high self-esteem, or pressure to meet parents’ expectations are common signs of oldest child syndrome.
• Children with oldest child syndrome could show dominance and act as second parents to siblings.
• You can help the child overcome it by not expecting much from them, paying special attention, and spending time with them.

If you have more than one child in your family you may wonder what an Old Child Syndrome is. Watch this informative video to learn about Oldest Child Syndrome and how it can affect your child’s behavior.

References:

MomJunction’s articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.

1. 1. Julia Badger and Peter Reddy; The effects of birth order on personality traits and feelings of academic sibling rivalry.
      https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ860620.pdf
   2. Brenda L. Volling; Family Transitions Following the Birth of a Sibling: An Empirical Review of Changes in the Firstborn’s Adjustment.
      https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ860620.pdf
   3. Why firstborns are more likely to become leaders.
      https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/07/why-firstborns-are-more-likely-to-become-leaders/
   4. How Birth Order Impacts Personality.
      https://online.jwu.edu/blog/how-birth-order-impacts-your-personality
   5. Alissa Jo Combs-Draughn; The impact of psychological birth order on academic achievement and motivation.
      https://scholarworks.waldenu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3632&context=dissertations
   6. Dotto Nhandi; Siblings’ Birth Order Interaction and Self-esteem Development: Forgotten Social Setting for e-Health Delivery in Tanzania?
      https://www.ijern.com/journal/2017/January-2017/05.pdf
   7. CEOs More Likely to be Firstborn Children.
      https://www.nysscpa.org/article-content/ceos-more-likely-to-be-firstborn-children-081519#sthash.ckSTAAIP.dpbs
   8. Does Birth Order Affect Personality?
      https://www.parents.com/baby/development/sibling-issues/how-birth-order-shapes-personality/
   9. Michele Van Volkom et al.; Sibling Relationships Birth Order and Personality among Emerging Adults
      http://jpbsnet.com/journals/jpbs/Vol_5_No_2_December_2017/3.pdf
   10. Salmon Catherine; Birth Order and Relationships
       https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12110-003-1017-x#
   11. Hartshorne, J. K., Salem-Hartshorne, N., & Hartshorne, T. S.; Birth order effects in the formation of long-term relationships
       https://www.researchgate.net/publication/221658654_Birth_order_effects_in_the_formation_of_long-term_relationships

The following two tabs change content below.

• Reviewer
• Author
• Expert

What is ‘eldest daughter syndrome’ and how can we fix it?

Have you heard of “eldest daughter syndrome”? It’s the emotional burden eldest daughters tend to take on (and are encouraged to take on) in many families from a young age.

From caring for younger siblings, helping out with everyday chores, looking after sick parents to sorting shopping orders or online deliveries, eldest daughters often shoulder a heavy but invisible burden of domestic responsibility from a young age.

What’s wrong with that? You might ask, shouldn’t the eldest children, who are supposed to be more grown-up, help out and look after their younger siblings? Aren’t girls “naturally” better at caring? These popular assumptions are so entrenched that they can make it difficult for us to see the problem.

But #EldestDaughterSyndrome is now trending on TikTok, with adolescent girls speaking out about the unfair amount of unpaid (and unappreciated) labour they do in their families, as well as discussing its adverse effects on their lives, health and wellbeing.

Of course, the “syndrome” has existed for centuries across many parts of the world. So why is it now being spoken about as such an issue?

This article is part of Quarter Life, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.

You may be interested in:

Houseplants don’t just look nice – they can also give your mental health a boost

How the philosophy behind the Japanese art form of kintsugi can help us navigate failure

How to spend time wisely – what young people can learn from retirees

Despite women’s rise in education and employment, they still shoulder the lion’s share of housework. Indeed, progress towards gender equality in the workplace has not translated into gender equality at home. And eldest daughter syndrome can go some way to explain why this is the case.

‘ Just look after your brother will you.’
Pexels/olia danilevich

Research shows that children make a notable but often overlooked contribution to domestic labour. Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40% more time on domestic work than boys.

Following a patriarchal pecking order, the eldest daughter often bears the brunt of the burden among her siblings.

As voiced by many on TikTok, the syndrome can impair eldest daughters’ wellbeing and “steal” their childhood as they are rushed into assuming a disproportionate amount of adult responsibilities – also known as parentification. In doing so, it reproduces gender inequality in domestic labour from one generation to another.

Why it happens

At least three behavioural theories underlie eldest daughter syndrome and they are often simultaneously at play, reinforcing one another.

First, the role modelling theory, which suggests that eldest daughters often follow their mother as a role model in learning to “do” gender. Second, the sex-typing theory proposes that parents often assign different, gendered tasks to girls and boys.

Sex-typing often builds on parents’ gendered understanding of domestic work as something associated with femininity. For parents who consciously strive to instil gender equality in their children, sex-typing can still occur as eldest daughters unconsciously join their mothers in gendered activities such as cooking, house cleaning and shopping.

And third, the labour substitution theory suggests that when working mothers have limited time available for domestic work, eldest daughters often act as “substitutes”. As a result, they end up spending more time on care provision and housework.

Consequently, mothers’ progress towards gender equality at work can come at the cost of their eldest daughters picking up the domestic slack at a young age.

Older siblings often end up helping with homework.
Pexels/august de richelieu

As we look further afield, the issue of eldest daughter syndrome has far-reaching implications for global gender inequality and an ongoing global care crisis.

In the Philippines, for example, many mothers migrate to the US, the Middle East and Europe to work as domestic workers.

Their work helps free their clients from domestic gender inequality to some extent through domestic outsourcing. But back in the Philippines, the women’s eldest daughters often have to step up as “surrogate” mothers and run the household.

In this process, eldest daughter syndrome reproduces domestic gender inequality across generations and offloads such inequality from one part of the world to another.

What can we do?

The “cure” might seem simple – we need families to recognise the unfair burden that may have been placed on the eldest daughter and to redistribute household responsibilities more equally.

Yet, doing so is far from straightforward. It requires male family members in particular to step up their contribution to domestic work. In turn, it requires us to “undo” centuries of thinking about housework and care as something gendered and “feminine”.

To achieve that, we need to first recognise the problem that domestic labour, particularly labour performed by children and eldest daughters, which goes largely unseen, unpaid and under-valued.

In the 2023 UK Budget, the £4 billion investment in extending childcare coverage sheds some light on the sheer economic value of childcare, which, although massive, represents only a tiny fraction of the extensive range of domestic responsibilities disproportionately shouldered by women and often eldest daughters.

But we can’t change something we can’t see. This is why being more aware of eldest daughter syndrome, not only as an individual struggle but also as an issue of gender inequality, is a good start.

Older child syndrome

The second baby in the family is always new challenges not only for parents, but also for the older child. Sometimes this is manifested by open aggression, which frightens or annoys mom and dad. However, often jealousy is not expressed so clearly. Often these are hidden manifestations.

Children can keep emotions inside themselves, trying to “digest” everything on their own. Outwardly, they follow all the instructions of their parents, play with the baby and try to take care of him. However, the following signs of trouble may occur:

• The child stops going to the potty or begins to urinate in his sleep, although this was not a problem before.
• The child peels off the skin from the lips, bites his nails, scratches his own skin, bites his cheek from the inside, itches for no apparent reason.
• Groundless whims and hysterics appear.
• Sleep is disturbed, the child complains of nightmares, wakes up screaming or crying in the middle of the night.
• Obsessive movements (tics) or stuttering appear.
• The older child self-isolates, avoids physical contact, plays all the time by himself.

It is important to understand that children are not supposed to love each other. For example, imagine how a husband brings another wife into the house and wants the first one to take care of her in every possible way.

Child psychologists advise accepting the feelings of an older child as they are – this is his right to be jealous, offended and not wanting to share attention. Do not be scolded for every misconduct. It is necessary to treat the child with understanding and sympathy, to pronounce every emotion. In addition, it is still necessary to build rules of conduct that exclude physical violence against the youngest.

To avoid trouble when a second baby appears at home, it is recommended that the older child be prepared for the appearance of a brother or sister. To do this, you can often view his own childhood photos, watch themed cartoons, read relevant books.

Be sure to pay attention to the older child while the younger one is sleeping. Each of them should spend time alone with their parents and feel equal in the family.

Children should not be left alone until the youngest reaches 2-3 years. Parents are responsible for their safety during this period.

Also, relatives should not be allowed to devalue the emotions of any of the children, compare them and impose any stereotypes of behavior.

The main thing is to reduce the overall level of anxiety in the family. To do this, relax together more often, play, walk and be happy.

More articles

Fat-free foods

Meals

Prevention of allergies

Sharing responsibility for nutritionSee all articles in what order he was born. And no matter how parents claim that they are equally fair to all their heirs, the attitude towards the eldest son differs from the attitude towards the youngest daughter. This is also confirmed by psychologists.

“There are indeed personality differences between brothers and sisters. The child’s behavior is explained by a certain role in the family, which parents, without realizing it, actively support, “Frank Sulloway, Ph. D. and author of Born to Rebel, says.

Do you want to know how the older child differs from the middle and younger?

First-born

This child receives all the attention of parents, grandparents and other relatives, bathed in love and care until his privileged position is violated by the appearance of a brother or sister. Which, of course, will affect his behavior.

“Because they look up to their parents, firstborns are responsible and confident,” says Kevin Lehman, Ph.D., author of Why You Are The Way You Are. “He doesn’t have an older brother or sister to tease him when the kid is learning to do something (tie his shoelaces, ride a bike).”

Parents who are not yet experienced in matters of upbringing, literally every movement of the baby is new to them, they are happy to watch how he grows and develops, rejoice in his success. At the same time, many mothers and fathers treat their first child strictly, in an adult way, so as not to spoil him. All this contributes to the fact that the child grows serious, independent, diligent.

It is easy for ambitious firstborns to become perfectionists. They learn from their parents and try to do everything just as well. They do not like to make mistakes, it is easier for them to refuse to complete the task than to do it wrong.

The other side of the perfectionist’s “medal” is that it is difficult for them to admit their mistakes or wrong. Often older children are too fixated on themselves. Parents who are inexperienced in upbringing can show excessive care, exactingness, and strictness towards their first child, and this contributes to the development of the “older child syndrome” in him. Since childhood, he has been trying to become better, to meet expectations to the detriment of his interests.

How to raise an older child

• Don’t demand achievement lower your expectations. Parents tend to view the firstborn as an example for younger siblings. But the older child may be weighed down by this “status” and the burden of responsibility. Avoid categorical orders and the use of the word “must”. These children are overreacting to criticism, afraid of making mistakes, and experiencing stress from failing to complete a task.

• Give privileges . If you assign additional responsibilities to an older child, then give him some indulgences, for example, go to bed later.

• Extenuate liability. The older one can help mommy take care of the baby, bring him a toy or give him a diaper, but don’t expect him to turn into a babysitter for his younger brother or sister.

Middle child

These children are very different from older siblings. But characterizing the middle child is the hardest thing to do. On the one hand, he looks at the behavior of his older brother (sister), the leader, on the other hand, there are children in the family even younger than him. And in relation to them, he fulfills the role of the eldest child. The intermediate position makes him “invisible”, he has to assert himself and compete with his brothers and sisters for the attention of his parents.

In the opinion of the middle child, the elders reap all the privileges, while the youngest get away with everything. Therefore, the average has to rely on itself. “These kids are good at negotiating and finding a way out of any situation,” says Dr. Sulloway. “They are pleasant, diplomatic, compromise when necessary, and can handle disappointment. They have realistic expectations, are the least spoiled, and tend to be the most independent. In the family, they feel deprived of attention, so they are looking for communication in companies and with friends.

How to raise an average child

• Praise more often. Thank them when they help look after the youngest child or intervene to resolve a dispute between siblings.

• Take an interest in his affairs and the affairs of his friends, encourage the child’s friendship with peers.

• Make time for him. Middle children always have to share parental attention with other siblings. Therefore, make it so that you can spend time only with him, so that he feels loved and meaningful to you.

Younger child

Experienced parents with a younger child tend to relax, stop worrying and let things take their course. As a result, younger children usually get away with more than their older siblings. The younger ones are in no hurry to take responsibility, because there is someone in the family to do this, and they grow up as carefree, flexible, affectionate, sociable and cheerful children, they love to make people laugh.

Rebelliousness can manifest itself in the case when the younger will need to prove that they also have the right to their opinion. Competing with older brothers or sisters for the status of an adult and responsible, they can show character in the spirit of “I’ll show them again!”. If the elders follow the lead of the younger, he can grow up spoiled and manipulative.

How to raise a younger child

• Let them make decisions .