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What does hate do to a person: The Destructive Power of Hate

by alexxlab

GoodTherapy | Hatred

Hatred is a relatively stable feeling of intense dislike for another person, entity, or group. Hatred is distinct from short-lived feelings such as anger and disgust. While some forms of animosity may only manifest briefly and mildly, hatred is a form of active, ongoing hostility that often uses up significant emotional energy. When someone feels hatred for another person, they often spend much of their time fixating on their anger, contempt, or dislike of the other person.

Why Do People Hate?

Hate is part of the range of human emotions. Some researchers believe all people have the capacity to hate, while others believe true hatred is uncommon. What does seem clear is that hatred tends to emerge as a learned emotion that flourishes in the absence of compassion.

Feelings of hatred or intense emotional dislike develop for many reasons. People might begin to hate another person or group when they:

  • Feel envy or want what the other person has. They may consider it unfair that someone has what they lack.
  • Have contempt for another person or believe them to be inferior.
  • Learn hatred from parents, their community, or other social groups.
  • Are humiliated or mistreated by another person.

People also hate when they feel powerless. Rather than turning their anxiety and shame inward, they may project that negativity onto an external target. In some cases, people who experience bullying or abuse may grow to hate the person who harmed them.

In other cases, a target is hated more for what they represent than for specific actions they have taken. Individuals may believe the target of their hatred has harmful intentions toward them and would hurt them if they could. However, the target may not necessarily have hostile intentions, or the hatred may be disproportional to the injury.

For example, a student may hate a teacher who failed them in a class. The teacher may not have any hostility for the student and could simply be doing their job. However, the student may use the teacher as a stand-in for their frustration with academia as a whole. This hatred may prompt the student to try and harm the teacher, perhaps by spreading false rumors or sending a vicious email.

Hatred and Dehumanization

Studies on hatred suggest it tends to persist. Prolonged hatred may lead to a desire for revenge or preemptive action against a perceived threat. Some people harbor hatred for others but never act on it. Others become energized by hate and express their feelings through violent acts.

Feelings of hatred that develop toward certain a certain individual may eventually be redirected toward the entire group that person belongs to. This can lead to dehumanization of individuals or groups. Dehumanization is the act of seeing a person as inferior, uncivilized, or less than human.

Dehumanization research suggests that when people see others as less than human, empathy centers in the brain deactivate. For example, people who commit mass violence, cruelty, or hate crimes often rationalize these actions by comparing the victims to animals. Individuals who would typically balk at murdering another person may find it easier to kill a “subhuman” enemy.

How to Cope When You Are Hated

Coping with hatred can be difficult, especially when there’s no apparent cause for the hatred. You may wonder how someone can have such deep, negative feelings toward you. Believing someone hates you can affect your mood, mental health, and self-esteem.

Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else.If someone hates you because they feel wronged by you, it’s possible you want to reach out to them. You may wish to discuss their feelings, apologize, or make the situation clear. This could help when someone is merely angry with you, but when it comes to hatred, it may be difficult to have a calm, rational discussion with the other person.

Taking a trusted friend or loved one with you can help. Getting advice from someone unbiased (like a licensed counselor) can also help put the situation in perspective. Depending on the circumstances, it may be best not to engage the other person.

If a coworker’s hatred for you affects your performance at work or even causes difficulties outside of work, Human Resources can give you advice or direct you to workplace resources.

When you’ve been threatened, or even if you just feel unsafe, you may want to seek advice from law enforcement. If you’re working with a therapist, it may help to start by talking through the situation openly in a therapy session. Your therapist can help you explore helpful solutions and offer support.

Self-Hatred

Internalized hatred can cause significant harm. In some cases, internalized self-hatred results from experiencing prejudice (racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, etc.). Negative beliefs become a part of your internal experience, leading you to judge and criticize yourself according to the stereotypes society assigns you.

Self-hatred can also result from mistakes you’ve made. If you’ve hurt a loved one and lost a close relationship as a result, you may feel painful regret. You may also come to develop hatred toward yourself.

Many people judge themselves harshly, especially when feeling guilty for something they’ve done. If forgiveness from your loved one isn’t possible, or if you’re afraid to seek it, your feelings may intensify. Self-hatred can contribute to depression. It could also factor into self-harm or other attempts to punish the self.

Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else. Just as compassion is the key to overcoming hatred, self-compassion can help heal self-hatred.

Developing self-compassion isn’t always easy. A compassionate counselor can help without judging you for any mistakes you may have made in the past. Therapy can help you find support and healing for all types of hatred.

References:

  1. Blaszczak-Boxe, A. (2017, March 7). How the dehumanization of certain groups leads to a ‘vicious cycle’ of hate. Live Science. Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/58154-how-dehumanization-leads-to-vicious-cycle-of-hate.html
  2. Fischer, A., Halperin, E., Canetti, D., & Jasini, A. (2018, August 2). Why we hate. Emotion Review, 10(4). Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1754073917751229
  3. Gaylin, W. (2003). Hatred: The psychological descent into violence. New York, NY: PublicAffairs Books.
  4. JonesPatulli, J. (2017). Why we hate others. Human Systems Dynamics Institute. Retrieved from https://www.hsdinstitute.org/resources/Why_we_hate_others.html
  5. Navarro, J. I. (2013). The psychology of hatred. The Open Criminology Journal, 6(1), 10-17. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273482719_The_Psychology_of_Hatred
  6. Prelinger, E. (2004). Thoughts on hate and aggression. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 59(1), 30-43. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16240605
  7. Resnick, B. (2017, March 7). The dark psychology of dehumanization, explained. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/3/7/14456154/dehumanization-psychology-explained

Last Updated:
05-13-2019

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How Hatred only Hurts You

By Joanna Kleovoulou, Clinical Psychologist, Founder and Director of PsychMatters Centre

“Holding on to Hate is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind”

Many of us associate the month of February with love, adoration and friendship, with Valentine’s Day shooting its arrow just around the corner. But for many of us, struggling to let go of past hurts and betrayals locks us into a spiral of mistrust and ill-health.

Hatred is a feeling that we all have felt and experienced at some point in our lives, especially when we have been betrayed or hurt by someone that we are attached to. Hateful feelings are normal when they occur sporadically. However, the effects of feeling hatred over a long period of time can have devastating effects on your mind and body. Feelings of rage and hatred build up in the mind, body and soul, affecting the body’s organs and natural processes and breeding further negative emotions. Hatred is a form of neurosis, fixation and judgment that is harmful to you. If continued, it leads to conflicts in relationships and to bodily dis-ease.

Research shows that hatred changes the chemistry in the brain as it stimulates the premotor cortex which is responsible for planning and execution of motion. This prepares us to act aggressively when feeling hateful, either to defend or as an attack . This activation also triggers the autonomic nervous system, creating “fight or flight” responses, increasing cortisol and adrenalin. Both these hormones deplete the adrenals and contribute to weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, depression and chronic illness. And so the cycle of bodily and mental dis-ease continues. Hatred also triggers the mind to try to predict what the actions of the person being hated may do, as a way to protect you, but this leads to further anxiety, restlessness, obsessive thinking and paranoia, which also then impacts negatively in the way you engage in relationships. It’s important to note that all these reactions affect only the hater, and not the hated, breaking down your nervous – immune – and endocrine system, and your mental well-being.

The opposite of hatred is not love. It is mental and emotional detachment. Hatred attaches you to the thing or person you hate. Hatred is an intense repulsion that creates a mirror effect in that it attracts the person back to the thing hated in order to be repulsed by it over and over. Hatred is bitter-sweet as it inflates the ego and makes you feel very superior and self-righteous against the thing or one that is hated, only breeding further pain.

Tips on getting rid of Hatred:

  • Acknowledge that you are full of hatred. If you can admit that you are feeling hateful, then you can begin to deal with this emotion and find a solution to the problem.
  • Understand why you are feeling hate. Look within yourself and ask why you are upset. Hatred usually comes from a place of fear, insecurity or mistrust.
  • Try to catch yourself in your hatred. The mind in its ego state, will perpetuate it by saying confirming labelling statements such as “She’s really such a @*&?*.”
  • When you catch yourself in these phrases, words or actions, stop yourself, recognise that it just feeds your hatred and builds up more anger.
  • Take a step back. In the heat of the moment it can be hard to make wise decisions. Take a break, go for a walk or practice meditation until you have calmed down. Take deep breaths and allow yourself to relax. Once your mind is calm, you can will be able to control your emotions in a more efficient manner bringing perspective to your thoughts and feelings.
  • Deal with it. Instead of ignoring the issue, try to find a solution to the problem. If the situation is beyond your control, try to resolve it in your head by shifting your mindset. You may not be able to change a particular person or situation, but you can change how you think about them. Or, do what needs to be done, preferably in an even-handed and open-minded way.
  • Talk to someone you trust as talking to a close friend, family member or a psychologist about something painful, can help to alleviate the negative feelings you are having. They can often offer valuable advice or guidance.

Before you let someone live rent-free in your head and heart, remember – only YOU will be paying the painful price. Should you be struggling to let of hurt, anger, pain and hatred, contact us at PsychMatters on 0114503576 to assist you to live more masterfully and positively.

Understanding Hate | Psychology Today

Hate, it appears, sings with a different cadence throughout our lifetime. When we first learn of it, it’s foreign, formidable and forbidden, almost like a curse word. During hormone-fueled adolescence, hate suddenly becomes more accessible. Now it sounds like a pesky jingle dedicated to just about anything—from Brussel sprouts to math teachers.

All through adulthood, its catchy rhythms might linger on our screens and in our hearts. But as seasons pass, we yearn to distance ourselves from its jarring chords. Hate becomes too dissonant of an opus to endure, or in Martin Luther King Jr.’s words, “too great a burden to bear.”

Here are nine insights on hate from psychologist Agneta Fischer and her research on this searing emotion.

Source: CC0/Unsplash

Hate is often misunderstood

Hate involves an appraisal that a person or group is evil. While hate relates to other negative emotions, it also has some unique features, such as the motivation to eliminate the object of your hate. Revenge is often a part of hate, because the idea behind revenge is to want to hurt the person/group as much as you have been hurt by them. In daily life, the word hate is used very casually (e.g., I hate my teacher because she gave me a bad grade). People don’t usually mean that. When we ask participants to recall an experience when they felt hate, they do not usually recall these types of casual events. In fact, one of the challenges of studying hate is that most people can’t think of a time when they experienced true hate.

It seems easier to hate groups than individuals

One surprising finding from our research is that hate spreads and increases quicker if it’s directed at a group, rather than an individual. When you hate a group, the intensity of your hate can grow without you being confronted with specific persons or contrasting information from the group—you are basing your hate on stereotypes and prejudices. If you hate an individual, your hate may be countered with empathy or a reappraisal of the person when you encounter their positive side. In fact, when we asked people in conflict regions to tell us stories in which they hated someone, 80% talked about groups and not individuals.

Differences between hate, anger, and contempt

Hate vs. anger

The theoretical difference between hate and anger is that hate involves the whole individual/group, and not a particular aspect of the individual/group. You hate someone because of what they are, and you are angry at someone because of what they did. Anger, thus, can be considered more in terms of behavior. When people are angry at someone, they often have the feeling that they can control the other person. Anger, essentially, is trying to remove the obstacle posed by the other person when you want to reach a goal. You get angry when you want an apology, when you want someone to change their behavior, etc.

When there is repeated anger and nothing changes, contempt may arise. Contempt is feeling like the other person is not worth your anger. You are still angry, but you are trying to regulate your anger by looking down on the other person and putting a distance between you.

Contempt vs. hate

Contempt is the cold version of hate. Like hate, contempt is about who you are, your nature and your personality. When you feel contempt, you tend to feel that they are not even worth your attention, which I think might make it feel worse to be the object of someone’s contempt than it does to be the object of hate. With hate, you cannot be indifferent towards the person. You are more engaged, because you want to get rid of them—whether socially, mentally or physically.

Hate spreads easier than anger

Hate can spread from one generation to another much easier than anger or frustration. For example, when we asked people who had experienced a war themselves and people who had only heard about it from others’ stories, the amount of reported hate was the same for both groups. This means that not only can people hate others based on someone else’s experiences, but that hate can be as intense as if they had experienced the event themselves. This was not the case with anger, which tends to be more intense if you experience the anger-causing event firsthand.

Physiology of hate

Unlike anger, there is no physiological pattern that is characteristic of hate, because hate is a long-term experience. Someone can do something to make you immediately angry, but usually, you need more information to hate someone. In the heat of the moment, however, the arousal patterns of hate in the brain and the body may be similar to anger.

Source: CC0/Unsplash

Dealing with hate

There is a lot of confusion about hate and what it really means. If people realize that hate is something much bigger, that it includes the desire to eliminate others, maybe they will change the way they use the word. It takes emotional intelligence to discern between feelings. But it is something that can be developed. Perhaps making people understand what they are actually thinking and feeling, and why, when they say “I hate you,” or disentangling the different ingredients of their negative emotions, might be helpful. For example, you could say, “I know you are saying I hate you, which means that there is nothing positive that you can detect about this person or group, nothing that you have in common. Is this really true?”

I think it’s better not to let your emotions reach the level of hate, and to start working on them while you are still angry. If it doesn’t work, consider whether you still want that relationship.

Hate can dissolve over time if the hated individual/group leaves your life, changes completely, or if you can work on changing the way you think about them. But don’t count on it happening from one day to another. One needs to work on the disappearance of hate, like one has to work on maintaining love.

Many thanks to Agneta Fischer for her time and insights. Fischer is a professor in Emotions and Affective Processes in the Social Psychology department at the University of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, and Dean of the Faculty of Social and Behavioral Sciences.

What happens in the brain when we dislike somebody

Indeed, dislike is a necessary survival mechanism that humans have been using to get by for centuries, way before the jungle of social media took over. Here’s how the mind-body connection involved in disliking someone works. In order to understand what happens in your body when you dislike someone, you can start by trying to understand fear. As Robert Sapolsky writes in “Why Your Brain Hates Other People,” when we see someone who even looks different from us, “there is preferential activation of the amygdala,” which means the brain region associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational. Our negative feelings toward someone get stronger as bad experiences with them pile up, and these negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies. As AJ Marsden, assistant professor of Psychology at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida, puts it, “our fight-or-flight response is our bodies way of dealing with a stressor.”

Stressors that trigger fight-or-flight need not be life or death, though, says Marsden: “Sadly, our body cannot tell the difference between an actual stressor (being chased by someone with a knife) and a perceived stressor (having work with someone you hate).” This is why seeing posts from your high school bully can make you feel the anxiety of being bullied all over again: your fearful associations with disliking the person trigger your own need to protect yourself. Over time, this response puts stress on our bodies, conditioning us to be more skeptical of a person’s actions than we would be if we felt neutral about them. “In the mind, the neural connections become stronger and cause us to dwell more on the negative aspects of that person,” says Marsden. “Even if they were to do something positive, we’d pay more attention to the negative because that’s what we’ve trained our brain to do. ” This explains why we have a seemingly endless list of negative facts about people we dislike, even if our rational brain would tell us there has to be something redeeming about them. This heightened arousal of our fearful instincts causes us to dread future interactions with people we dislike. In turn, this conditions us into even further dislike of that person, which just validates our negative feelings. In this way, our distaste for another person becomes like a snake eating its tail: we dislike them because they make us feel bad, and we feel bad because we dislike them.

But since there’s no “Black Mirror”-style real life-muting feature, we have to learn how to overcome dislike in order to get on with our daily lives. As Marsden points out, our dislike has a tendency to negatively impact our own behavior with co-workers and mutual friends: “If we don’t like a person, we may be short with them or interrupt them without realizing it. They notice our rudeness toward them and often respond with rudeness, confirming our negative thoughts about that person. ” The key to breaking this vicious cycle, Marsden says, is mindfulness; when you’re aware of how your dislike influences your body (and your behavior), you can start to condition yourself to respond rationally. When it comes to dislike, maybe “out of sight, out of mind, out of control” is a better-amended motto. Since dislike is rooted in a fear of the unknown, perhaps understanding more about where our dislike comes from can help us overcome its influence on our behavior. And when all else fails, there’s always the ‘block’ feature.

The Mental Health Effects of Hate

In
blog

– dislike of a sick person to healthy people, misopedia
 – hatred of children, even their own, misazonia
 – animal hatred, misanthropy
 – hatred of people.

Whatever the form of hatred, you should know that the more educated a person is, the less chances for such a feeling to appear. In addition, you cannot obey him, give free rein. And know that fighting hatred is not only possible but necessary.

Hatred is one of the strongest human feelings, it is capable of destroying not only the object it is directed at, but also burns from within the person himself. We are all familiar with the negative emotions caused by anger and resentment, so we think about how to get rid of hatred . Falling into her power, and acting under the influence of feelings raging in the soul, people are able to destroy their lives.

What to do in such a situation, how to break out of the vicious circle, get rid of anger and self-reflection, how to forgive and continue living? Many people come to psychologists with such questions, exhausted by the constant struggle they have to wage with themselves. In this article we will talk about how to get rid of hatred, regain peace of mind and return to your old life.

In order to get rid of hatred, you need to understand what kind of feeling it is and where it came from.So, the feeling of hatred reflects disgust, hostility to the object or its rejection. Often the smallest and insignificant events that are suggested from outside are the cause of hatred.

It can be concluded that people feel the need for hatred and hostility. Initially, the mechanism for the manifestation of anger is associated with the need to free yourself from aggression, throw out your feelings and heal.

Sometimes hatred exists as a separate psychological mechanism, from which a person can receive not only harm, but also benefit, depending on the ability to control his feelings and emotions.

Hatred leads to internal rebellion due to external circumstances that we cannot accept, and if a person does not pour out the accumulated aggression, then it eats away at the personality from the inside and destroys the psyche. In fact, hatred is resentment, only in a more concentrated and harsh form.

In order to understand where hatred came from, it is necessary to understand how we relate to people, what kind of person can we respect or love? Many should understand that no one owes us anything, so do not expect too much from others and do not demand more than you yourself are willing to give.

We often begin to hate people who simply do not live up to our expectations. In this case, hatred is a reflection of our weakness and helplessness. Only strong and generous people can forgive.

In order to get rid of hatred, you need to cultivate tolerance, learn to respect the feelings of others, and not project your dissatisfaction onto them. Experts also associate the emergence of hatred with self-guilt, lack of fulfillment and the inability to solve problems on their own.The negative that accumulates in the soul for a long time breaks out at one moment, and any trifle can provoke an explosion.

When hatred arises, look for the reason in yourself, tune in a positive mood, try to achieve harmony. In the soul of a happy and self-satisfied person, there is no place for anger and hatred. Learn to forgive yourself and others, do not accumulate resentment, do not judge – people are not perfect, they often make mistakes and hurt.

See also Self-love, self-rejection is the cause of suffering for many people.Self-dislike gives rise to uncertainty in one’s own strengths and capabilities, uncertainty in attractiveness and in the fact that a person can be in demand, interesting and needed by other people.

Accept them as they are – forgiving them you get rid of the negativity that destroys your life. Spend more time with friends and family, travel and get positive emotions – it distracts and helps to achieve harmony and tranquility.

Hatred often spills out with anger and resentment, so we get rid of negative emotions and anger, cleanse the soul and heal.By suppressing our aggressiveness, we drive emotions and feelings inside, which leads to dissatisfaction, fatigue and illness. Psychology offers several ways to get rid of hatred, which will not harm others and will help to throw out negative emotions.

Allow yourself to get angry

Do not forbid experiencing anger and resentment – these are the same natural feelings as joy or love. Take a pillow and pour out all your anger on it, hit it until you exhale and feel better.

You can still write a letter of hate. Put all your anger and resentment into each letter, pressing down on the handle with force to get rid of negative emotions, then burn it. It helps some when they lock themselves in a car or room and scream alone until they run out of breath.

Take a break

To deal with your feelings, take a deep breath and count to ten, or take a walk in the park. Sometimes washing dishes or doing laundry helps.When you understand that you are about to break loose and say too much, mentally take water in your mouth.

Do not allow yourself to be shouted at

Do not hold a grudge in yourself, make it clear to the person that you do not like the way he talks to you or acts. Say openly, “I don’t like you yelling at me,” or “Don’t talk to me that way,” or, “Don’t do this to me, I don’t deserve it.”

There are situations when it is impossible to openly express resentment, then simulate the situation through the mirror.Imagine in the mirror the person you hate and express what you think, and after the anger has passed, try to forgive him. Forgiveness frees you from hate and aggression.

Get rid of indoor units

A simple exercise will help restore mental balance. Calm down, do not think about anything, relax your facial muscles and imagine how they get heavy and “flow” down. Now imagine that your lips begin to part in a smile, and soon you will feel that you are actually starting to smile and feel joy.

Usually, in order to solve a problem, you need to realize it, so first analyze the situation, figure out what really happened and if you are not demanding more from others than they are ready to give.

Hatred as a personality trait – a tendency to intense, prolonged manifestation of rejection, disgust for a person, group, inanimate object, phenomenon.

An old martial artist decided never to fight again.But one day he was nevertheless challenged to battle by one impudent young warrior, who believed that he was much more skillful and stronger. However, the old master just sat and did not react to the impudent person. Then the warrior began to insult him and his ancestors in order to provoke the master, but this did not help him either. In the end, the young warrior despaired and left. The disciples of the master were surprised by the actions of their teacher, many began to condemn him: “Is your honor and the honor of your ancestors not dear to you?” Then the old master said: “When you are given a gift and you do not accept it, who then owns this gift?” – “Of course to the one who gives it!” “It’s the same with envy, anger and hatred.If we do not accept them, they remain with the giver. ”

There are many songs about love, but not a single one about hatred. Really not a single kind word was found in defense of this strong and deep personality trait? After all, as V. Vysotsky wrote: “Hatred – the cup is overflowing with it, Hatred demands a way out, waits. But our noble hatred. Lives next to love. ” When the whole country sang: “Let noble fury boil like a wave,” everyone understood how important an irreconcilable hatred of the enemy was for victory.Therefore, a number of questions arise: what is hatred, what are the reasons for its occurrence, is it a positive or destructive quality, how does hatred affect a person, is it worth to welcome hatred or to fight it.

Ozhegov’s Dictionary of the Russian Language defines hatred as: “A feeling of intense enmity and disgust.” According to Ozhegov, to hate is to resist, act and relate to other people, things, situations, feeling disgust, intolerance, hostility towards them. Hatred can manifest itself in three directions: towards humanity and towards people, towards things and situations, towards oneself.

In simple terms, hatred is an irreconcilable contradiction between our idea of ​​something or the vision of something and what is in reality. In our dual world, the opposite of hatred is love. They have different poles. Hate is the other side of love. If we love peace, then we hate war. If we hate disorder, then we love order. In other words, we hate everything that is opposite to love. When our requirements for life, beliefs and ideas about something are strikingly different from reality, an irreconcilable contradiction will arise.The contradiction can be resolved by removing the potential tension. The consequence of hatred can be struggle, hostilities, revenge, intrigue, etc.

For example, a person hates terrorism. He is convinced of the inadmissibility of killing innocent citizens. He can’t imagine how the earth can carry such geeks. A person’s personality, his inner world show an extreme rejection of terrorists. He does not want to see them on earth, that is, he hates. If you decompose the word “hate” into its components, it will turn out – not – on – I see.Such qualities as mercy, compassion are inherent in a person, and life in the person of terrorists exposes the reality expressed in the misanthropy and religious fanaticism of terrorists. A gaping chasm forms between external realities (external potential) and human requirements (internal potential). This abyss is hatred.

We looked at an example of hatred on political material. Now let’s look at the emergence of this negative feeling from the standpoint of interpersonal relationships.For example, a wife is brought up in the traditions of a strong, close-knit family based on love, devotion and fidelity to each other. Her inner potential is love and care for each other. Accordingly, she does not accept, or rather, hates, debauchery, betrayal and lies in the family. Her husband is from a different test. For a time he played the role of an exemplary family man, but he met another woman and left the family, leaving his wife with two children. The usual, I must say, history. If the wife had a life position not very different from her husband’s views on the family, the separation could pass without powerful spiritual upheavals.The fact is that she loved her husband, and his treachery shook her to the core. The external realities associated with her husband’s betrayal and flight correspond to her internal requirements, as Gulliver corresponds in height to midgets. The global potential gap has sparked burning hatred. It is rightly said that there is only one step from love to hate. Perhaps, over time, the hatred will subside, and perhaps it will lead to sad consequences.

Many people live with self-loathing and consider it normal.There are a lot of reasons to hate oneself: an ugly appearance, an inferiority complex, humiliation from others, etc. For example, a girl has developed certain ideas about her appearance. She may consider herself flawed and ugly, although this is far from the case. In other words, her internal requirements are clearly underestimated by her own subconscious. After watching fashion magazines and listening to talkative friends, she realized that life was passing by and there was no place for her at the celebration of life. The external potential, which took the guise of countless photo models, began to sneer at her internal potential.On it, she looks like a nondescript, downtrodden creature without a present and a future. The imposed images of thinness bring the girl to nervous breakdowns, depression and just absurdities. For some reason, she thinks that if she has a drop of “fat” then no one will love her and no one will need her. How can you not hate yourself? After all, you can’t erase the gigantic difference in potentials with a rag?

Hatred can be latent. She is extremely dangerous and difficult to escape from. Hidden hatred is directed not at the people who actually caused it, but at any “scapegoat”
 . Turning into various kinds of perversion, it can persist throughout life and pose a serious threat not only to the people around, but also to the person who carries it in himself. For example, a person does not remember how his parents treated him when he was a child, how they left him crying for many hours in a crib, how he did not receive even a loving look from them. “Nobody loves me. This world is bad, ”the child thought. Every day he became more and more bitter against the world.As an adult, he, of course, forgot about his dislike of the world. However, the subconscious remembered everything. Unknowingly, he billed the world. He put into his external potential all the lost love and care of the world, all the grievances and sorrows of childhood. Between what he wanted to get in childhood and what he really got, a giant crack has formed in the subconscious. This crack has become the reason for the latent hatred of people and the world in general. A person can himself suffer from a latent form of hatred, direct it against all living things and not guess about its true reasons.As O. Mandelstam wrote: “I hate humanity. I am running from it in a hurry. My single fatherland is My desert soul …”

Hatred is always consequence
 of our thoughts and actions in creating an irreconcilable contradiction between our vision and perception of something and what is in reality. Since we have an understanding of the roots of hatred, which consists in forging antagonism between our internal and external potential, let us ask ourselves the questions: “If hatred is a consequence, then what is its cause?”, “Who is to blame that the feeling of hatred has settled in our soul and is registered? ”

We must be honest with ourselves and admit that the reason for hatred is ourselves
.We must take responsibility and say: “For everything that happens in my life, I and only I are responsible. If something that I hate has appeared in my life, it means that I myself have attracted it into my life. ” Indeed, if with our thoughts we attach excessive importance to something, pay increased attention to it, it will inevitably be attracted into our life.

So, if you live in constant fear that your car will be stolen, if your thoughts are focused on this sad scenario of theft, the forces of the universe can only agree with you.On an energetic level, it makes no difference to them whether you want it or not. The main thing is that you are concentrating on car theft. You yourself attracted the hijackers into your life. Why hate them? God is God, Caesar is Caesar. Nobody justifies the hijackers – they have their own destiny and their own responsibility. They treat you without hatred, and maybe with gratitude for giving them the opportunity to earn money. It is you who hate them, because your inner potential does not fit into the outer potential of real life.

We ourselves generate hatred. Out of my ears I hear a crying girl on TV complaining: “I married an Arab. I loved him so much, and he treated me so badly. Hate him!”. It turns out that she came to his homeland, and there are a dozen more wives. Now she believes that he did wrong to her. Bad deed is a geographic concept. If her fellow countryman did this, one would be surprised, but for an Arab such a marriage is quite a noble act. In his homeland, women are much more numerous than men.Every woman wants to have a family and children. He undertakes to take care of her and their children together. What’s wrong with that? So they have it. Why hate him? The reason for the girl’s hatred is the antagonism of her ideas about marriage with a harem life. Who prevented her from inquiring about the laws and rules of marriage life in his country? If you want to be the only one for your husband, marry a guy who only accepts a monogamous marriage.

Often, hatred arises from a misunderstanding of the rules by which this or that organization functions.An unusually talented person works in a large government structure. All his colleagues see this and think that he will become their boss. He thinks so too. However, a person with the most ordinary qualities is appointed to the position. The difference between the internal potential of a person and the external potential of the promoted person is so striking that hatred of a successful colleague flares up in him. The reason for hatred is in a talented person. He must understand that a large structure does not need outstanding personalities who do not know what they will do at one time or another, but obedient, loyal performers.Any large structure needs not the best, but the most correct members. To get a position, a person needs to be not the best, but the best among the right members of the structure. In a word, again, the reason for hatred is not external circumstances (structure, successful colleague), but the person himself.

If we ourselves are the primary source of hatred, its cause, what grounds do we have to fight, take revenge and resist the object of so-called hatred? He has exactly the same rights to life as you do.At the energetic level, hatred appears not as a simple wish for death, but as murder. The first letter from John the Theologian says: “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer …”. With our hatred, we declare the primacy of our worldview over other people. At the same time, we do not want to understand that there are still seven billion worldviews on the planet. All of them do not coincide with your worldview. So, will you order everyone to kill? In a word, on a subconscious level, you destroy the object of hatred.

You may ask indignantly: “But what about pedophiles, maniacs and murderers of children? Maybe kiss them? ” No, you don’t need to kiss them. First of all, you need to think about why your destinies crossed. It is impossible to understand the laws of the world without taking into account all kinds of connections, analysis of cause-and-effect relationships. For example, you could, as an option, attract a murderer into your life with applications like: “It’s impossible to live like this!”, “Not life, but a nightmare.” You can bring trouble upon yourself with wishes: “Let you die”, “Let your blood burn you,” etc.Like attracts like. Your children are a kind of piggy banks of their parents’ aggression. Moreover, the aggression accumulated by them far exceeds yours. If you are riddled with hatred, your children have a greater responsibility, as they have an enhanced program to destroy the object of hatred. If you hate people, you can easily get a murderer son.

In order to eradicate hatred, it is necessary, first of all, to stop justifying it
. Many people believe that there is a kind of law of the preservation of hatred in nature, that if you stop hating the one who did you badly, you begin to hate yourself, that hatred is a manifestation of our vitality, that if a person is deprived of hatred, it will be the amputation of all his emotional life.They are trying to prove that hatred can be not only destructive, but also a creative feeling like love. All these are attempts to whitewash hatred, without making it difficult to analyze the true essence of this strong and deep feeling. A superficial vision within the framework of rejection – hatred – punishment does not reveal the essence of the problem.

All defenders of hatred should know the consequences of this feeling. Feeling a feeling of hatred, we throw out a powerful charge of negative energy into space. The uncontrolled expenditure of energy, first of all, “hits” the head and eyes.Epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, paralysis, head injuries and trauma in general, migraines, eye diseases, tumors, severe skin diseases can be the result of hatred. The nature of the problem or illness depends on the strength and direction of the hatred. For example, if a man hates a woman, then his “manhood” suffers. Everything is very simple. After all, in every person there is a masculine and feminine principle of the Universe. And by directing his hatred to the woman, the man destroys himself. If a woman despises and hates a man, then she receives a “blow” to her genitals.

Since we know that hatred is an antagonism of potentials, therefore, its life support depends on the tension of the contradiction between potentials. How can we influence potentials? Our inner potential depends on the qualities of our personality. It entirely depends on how we measure the world, people and ourselves. Our inner potential is a base value, a starting point. The more real life deviates from it, the stronger the contradiction. When it becomes antagonistic, hatred is born.In the pair “internal – external potentials” we are interested in our reaction to external potential. If we are able to eliminate the excessive importance and significance of this potential, then we do not give hatred a chance of birth.

Let’s say that we watch the events of our life with a detachment, trying not to attach excessive importance to anything. We, like a spectator, observe the theater of life, but we ourselves do not step on the stage, no matter how they ask us. From the standpoint of healthy indifference, we look at all situations in life.Even if something negative has happened, we do not think about what we have lost, but what we will gain in the future. For example, they stole a car, but: “Now I will walk – train my heart”, but “I will lose weight”, but “I will not spend money on gasoline.” With this approach, you will not raise the importance of external potential. There will be no grounds for hatred. If you’ve hated your appearance before, work with your outer potential. Try to convince yourself of the falsehood of your assessments and self-loathing.Therefore, it is possible to prevent the emergence of hatred through the control of potentials
. The control is to eliminate the importance of their parameters.

It is well known that one cannot live in society and be free from society. We all, willingly or unwillingly, defend the interests of certain structures: the state, army, party, corporation, church, club, etc. The enemies of the structure are our enemies. In most cases, we are only conductors of the hatred of others. We can have friends and acquaintances with different political views and passions.But when the fateful moments come, we are ready to destroy each other in hatred. The hatred of structures seethes in us. A fan of a soccer club can kill a fellow guy from another club. If you ask him in court if he hated that guy, the killer will be extremely surprised and most likely say: “How can you hate a person when I didn’t even know him.”

Think about it and ask yourself questions: “How much hatred is there in me
? ” See for yourself how much superficial hatred you have.Think about which structure is interested in your hate. It’s one thing when your hate and hate structures coincide on mutual conviction. This was the case, for example, with an individual soldier and a state during the Great Patriotic War. It is quite another matter when you are a slave to a structure, its spreader of hatred. By the way, in order to fight well, hatred is not needed. She is only a hindrance for a warrior. A wise warrior achieves his goal without being guided by either love or hatred. Your task is not to get involved in the struggle for other people’s interests.

Hatred tightly chains us to the hated object
. We cannot live without an object that we hate. Until we accept what we hate, it will haunt us. We hate scammers, they will follow us on our heels. We hate gypsies, they will find you everywhere. Hate alcoholics, they will fall on you on the street, or worse, children will become alcoholics. We will become free of them when we accept them and thereby destroy our hatred.

Khrushchev, a werewolf, felt pathological hatred for Stalin.To dance a hopak and at the same time to hate fiercely everyone who sees it was the essence of this bastard. Nikolai Starikov writes: “Khrushchev’s hatred of everything Stalinist manifested itself even in the smallest detail. While resting at Stalin’s dacha on Lake Ritsa, in Abkhazia, he refused to live in the rooms where Joseph Vissarionovich had lived before. And even ordered to attach to the house for himself a completely separate room, the size of the dacha itself.

During the war, a very unpleasant story happened to Khrushchev’s son. And since Stalin approached everyone, including his children, with one yardstick, he also did not make an exception for Khrushchev’s son.Here is how Vyacheslav Molotov talks about it: – Khrushchev was in his heart an opponent of Stalin. Stalin – everything and everyone, but in the soul is different. Personal bitterness pushes him to any steps. Anger at Stalin for the fact that his son was in such a position that he was actually shot. After such anger, he goes to any lengths to stain the name of Stalin. – Nikita refused his son, right? – Yes … – His son was like a traitor. This also speaks of him. A good politician who even has a son …

Major General M.S. Dokuchaev, Hero of the Soviet Union, former deputy head of the 9th Directorate of the KGB of the USSR (the famous “nine” responsible for ensuring the security of the highest state leaders of the USSR), spoke about what had happened. This story was cited in his book “Father’s Revenge” by NA Zenkovich. In early March 1943, Lieutenant General Khrushchev, who was then a member of the Military Council of the Southwestern Front, phoned Stalin from the front. I asked for a personal meeting. Stalin agreed. What Khrushchev was going to talk about was clear in advance.His son Leonid shot the major while drunk. According to the laws of wartime, this crime was supposed to be shot. At the same time, Khrushchev’s son had previously “dabbled” in weapons, and then Stalin went to meet Nikita Sergeevich’s request and the case against Leonid was dropped. Stalin said: I was informed about what happened to your son. I had no doubt that we would have a meeting and talk about your son … I would very much like to help you, but I am powerless to do so. Once I gave up my conscience, went to meet you and asked the court to pardon your son.But he did not reform and committed another, similar to the first, grave crime. My conscience and the grief of the people who have become victims of your son’s criminal actions do not allow me to violate the laws for the second time. In the current situation, I can not help you with anything. Your son will be brought to trial in accordance with Soviet laws. ”

Petr Kovalev

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Hatred does not appear spontaneously. It starts with anger. And if anger and anger are feelings inherent in nature, then anger and hatred are the creation of man.To better understand the difference between these feelings, you need to consider each of them separately.

  1. Anger and anger
     – feelings that arise, as a rule, on the basis of injustice. Such emotions are quite acceptable, as they force the subject to take certain measures related to improving the quality of life. They differ from each other only in the intensity with which they are experienced by the subject.
  2. Anger and hatred
     – long-term and dissatisfied feeling of anger and disgust.It can manifest itself both in relation to certain living beings and to the world as a whole. As in the previous case, they differ from each other in the intensity with which they are experienced by the subject.

How hate affects a person

Any emotions, depending on their quality, affect the human body.

The highest qualities are possessed by bright feelings, such as: love, kindness and gratitude. Feelings with the lowest qualities are bitterness and hatred. It is low-quality emotions that can harm a person, including:

  1. Prolonged depression.
  2. Detachment from the usual life in society.
  3. Development of diseases in different organs of the body.
  4. Mental disorders due to dissatisfaction with oneself.
  5. Cutting off ties with family and friends.
  6. Failure at work and in personal life.
  7. Loss of desire and opportunities for self-realization.

Anger at the world and people

A similar hatred is manifested in people who have created an insurmountable gap between the desired vision of the world and society, and the world that it is in reality.Also, this negative emotion manifests itself in relation to a certain layer of society, united by common characteristics. Usually, the following people feel hatred:

  1. Envious.
  2. Unrealized as individuals.
  3. Unrealized as specialists in a particular field.
  4. Lack of love in childhood and adulthood.
  5. Limited or deprived of something.

Hatred towards a specific person

It is possible to hate a particular person for quite understandable reasons.

For example, consider aversion to an ex-husband. Let’s say a woman hates her ex because of his addiction to alcohol, uncivilized speech, or disrespect for her. Perhaps he beat her or somehow suppressed her potential in some other way. In this case, her negative attitude towards this person is quite understandable. But in reality, this woman hates not only the actions of the beater. She hates the dream of a perfect marriage and a perfect husband that he shattered.

Consider also the bitterness towards the boss.He is rude, overwhelms with work, never thanks, deprives of prizes and in general is completely unfair. Even so, the subordinate does not just hate the personality of the boss. This negative feeling concerns the same shattered dream. In this case, the personal vision of the ideal job does not coincide in any way with reality. Directly or indirectly, a person blames the boss for this, so he becomes a subject of hatred.

And if anger in this case stimulates a person to search for better options for life, then hatred does everything differently.

Hatred consumes completely. It leads to an obsession with the subject to whom negative feelings are experienced. And this condition is fraught with serious consequences.

Self-loathing

Considered the most dangerous. It can be hidden, or it can be explicit.

Hidden

Often manifests itself together with hatred for a specific person, for example, for the same ex. In this case, the woman hates herself for her weakness, inability to fight back, indecision, etc.Subconsciously, she blames herself as much as she consciously blames her ex-husband.

Explicit

Assumes that a person is disgusting with their appearance, physical data, mental abilities, etc. Most often, self-loathing appears on the basis of children’s complexes. And often the parents themselves are to blame. Even the most common comment “you are disgusting” can seriously harm a child. These words, repeated many times, make the child think that he is disgusting.After all, parents are the main authorities in a child’s life, and they are always right. Therefore, a parent should understand the importance of each non-forest word spoken to his son or daughter.

Determining the cause

Correctly identifying the cause of the anger will help you deal with it faster. The method, which involves the presence of a pen and a sheet of paper, is excellent for this.

  1. First, you need to write all the qualities and actions of the subject of hatred that cause disgust.This list consists of three or more items.
  2. Next, you need to consider in detail each item.

Almost all negative qualities from the list can be found in many other people, even in yourself. This does not mean that a person hates himself. This means that a woman or a man is prejudiced against the subject of their negative feelings. Indeed, in reality, there are only one or two points that really generate disgust. They can be quite serious, but they can also be minor.And already, depending on their type, it is necessary to select one or another way to get rid of hatred.

Search positive

Positive is the best way to get rid of negative feelings. For people, this method involves a minimum of effort, since pleasant emotions can be experienced from anything, for example:

  • From communication with friends and family.
  • From walks in nature.
  • From attending a variety of events.
  • From mutual feelings of love.
  • From doing something that a person likes.

Ability to Forgive

Forgiveness helps to get rid of hatred. This skill allows you to cope with many of life’s troubles. It removes the inner discomfort caused by other people.

A person who knows how to forgive is in a much better position than a person who continues to react to stimuli with resentment.

Those who leave old grievances in the past are much less prone to stress and depression.They have better health, and life is full of pleasant events.

However, not everyone is capable of this generous act. It’s easier to hate than to forgive. But it’s important to always remember that forgiving is an integral part of a high-quality life.

Self-love

Self-love should be formed from childhood.

Parents are obliged to make it clear to the child that each person is beautiful in his own way and deserves to be loved.

To overcome self-loathing and hatred, a person needs to love himself.This feeling is able to heal not only the soul, but also the body. There are many confirmed cases when a person, having changed his attitude towards himself, completely changed his life for the better.

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