What does hate do to a person: The Destructive Power of Hate
GoodTherapy | Hatred
Hatred is a relatively stable feeling of intense dislike for another person, entity, or group. Hatred is distinct from short-lived feelings such as anger and disgust. While some forms of animosity may only manifest briefly and mildly, hatred is a form of active, ongoing hostility that often uses up significant emotional energy. When someone feels hatred for another person, they often spend much of their time fixating on their anger, contempt, or dislike of the other person.
Why Do People Hate?
Hate is part of the range of human emotions. Some researchers believe all people have the capacity to hate, while others believe true hatred is uncommon. What does seem clear is that hatred tends to emerge as a learned emotion that flourishes in the absence of compassion.
Feelings of hatred or intense emotional dislike develop for many reasons. People might begin to hate another person or group when they:
- Feel envy or want what the other person has. They may consider it unfair that someone has what they lack.
- Have contempt for another person or believe them to be inferior.
- Learn hatred from parents, their community, or other social groups.
- Are humiliated or mistreated by another person.
People also hate when they feel powerless. Rather than turning their anxiety and shame inward, they may project that negativity onto an external target. In some cases, people who experience bullying or abuse may grow to hate the person who harmed them.
In other cases, a target is hated more for what they represent than for specific actions they have taken. Individuals may believe the target of their hatred has harmful intentions toward them and would hurt them if they could. However, the target may not necessarily have hostile intentions, or the hatred may be disproportional to the injury.
For example, a student may hate a teacher who failed them in a class. The teacher may not have any hostility for the student and could simply be doing their job. However, the student may use the teacher as a stand-in for their frustration with academia as a whole. This hatred may prompt the student to try and harm the teacher, perhaps by spreading false rumors or sending a vicious email.
Hatred and Dehumanization
Studies on hatred suggest it tends to persist. Prolonged hatred may lead to a desire for revenge or preemptive action against a perceived threat. Some people harbor hatred for others but never act on it. Others become energized by hate and express their feelings through violent acts.
Feelings of hatred that develop toward certain a certain individual may eventually be redirected toward the entire group that person belongs to. This can lead to dehumanization of individuals or groups. Dehumanization is the act of seeing a person as inferior, uncivilized, or less than human.
Dehumanization research suggests that when people see others as less than human, empathy centers in the brain deactivate. For example, people who commit mass violence, cruelty, or hate crimes often rationalize these actions by comparing the victims to animals. Individuals who would typically balk at murdering another person may find it easier to kill a “subhuman” enemy.
How to Cope When You Are Hated
Coping with hatred can be difficult, especially when there’s no apparent cause for the hatred. You may wonder how someone can have such deep, negative feelings toward you. Believing someone hates you can affect your mood, mental health, and self-esteem.
Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else.If someone hates you because they feel wronged by you, it’s possible you want to reach out to them. You may wish to discuss their feelings, apologize, or make the situation clear. This could help when someone is merely angry with you, but when it comes to hatred, it may be difficult to have a calm, rational discussion with the other person.
Taking a trusted friend or loved one with you can help. Getting advice from someone unbiased (like a licensed counselor) can also help put the situation in perspective. Depending on the circumstances, it may be best not to engage the other person.
If a coworker’s hatred for you affects your performance at work or even causes difficulties outside of work, Human Resources can give you advice or direct you to workplace resources.
When you’ve been threatened, or even if you just feel unsafe, you may want to seek advice from law enforcement. If you’re working with a therapist, it may help to start by talking through the situation openly in a therapy session. Your therapist can help you explore helpful solutions and offer support.
Internalized hatred can cause significant harm. In some cases, internalized self-hatred results from experiencing prejudice (racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, etc.). Negative beliefs become a part of your internal experience, leading you to judge and criticize yourself according to the stereotypes society assigns you.
Self-hatred can also result from mistakes you’ve made. If you’ve hurt a loved one and lost a close relationship as a result, you may feel painful regret. You may also come to develop hatred toward yourself.
Many people judge themselves harshly, especially when feeling guilty for something they’ve done. If forgiveness from your loved one isn’t possible, or if you’re afraid to seek it, your feelings may intensify. Self-hatred can contribute to depression. It could also factor into self-harm or other attempts to punish the self.
Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else. Just as compassion is the key to overcoming hatred, self-compassion can help heal self-hatred.
Developing self-compassion isn’t always easy. A compassionate counselor can help without judging you for any mistakes you may have made in the past. Therapy can help you find support and healing for all types of hatred.
- Blaszczak-Boxe, A. (2017, March 7). How the dehumanization of certain groups leads to a ‘vicious cycle’ of hate. Live Science. Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/58154-how-dehumanization-leads-to-vicious-cycle-of-hate.html
- Fischer, A., Halperin, E., Canetti, D., & Jasini, A. (2018, August 2). Why we hate. Emotion Review, 10(4). Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1754073917751229
- Gaylin, W. (2003). Hatred: The psychological descent into violence. New York, NY: PublicAffairs Books.
- JonesPatulli, J. (2017). Why we hate others. Human Systems Dynamics Institute. Retrieved from https://www.hsdinstitute.org/resources/Why_we_hate_others.html
- Navarro, J. I. (2013). The psychology of hatred. The Open Criminology Journal, 6(1), 10-17. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273482719_The_Psychology_of_Hatred
- Prelinger, E. (2004). Thoughts on hate and aggression. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 59(1), 30-43. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16240605
- Resnick, B. (2017, March 7). The dark psychology of dehumanization, explained. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/3/7/14456154/dehumanization-psychology-explained
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How Hatred only Hurts You
By Joanna Kleovoulou, Clinical Psychologist, Founder and Director of PsychMatters Centre
“Holding on to Hate is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind”
Many of us associate the month of February with love, adoration and friendship, with Valentine’s Day shooting its arrow just around the corner. But for many of us, struggling to let go of past hurts and betrayals locks us into a spiral of mistrust and ill-health.
Hatred is a feeling that we all have felt and experienced at some point in our lives, especially when we have been betrayed or hurt by someone that we are attached to. Hateful feelings are normal when they occur sporadically. However, the effects of feeling hatred over a long period of time can have devastating effects on your mind and body. Feelings of rage and hatred build up in the mind, body and soul, affecting the body’s organs and natural processes and breeding further negative emotions. Hatred is a form of neurosis, fixation and judgment that is harmful to you. If continued, it leads to conflicts in relationships and to bodily dis-ease.
Research shows that hatred changes the chemistry in the brain as it stimulates the premotor cortex which is responsible for planning and execution of motion. This prepares us to act aggressively when feeling hateful, either to defend or as an attack . This activation also triggers the autonomic nervous system, creating “fight or flight” responses, increasing cortisol and adrenalin. Both these hormones deplete the adrenals and contribute to weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, depression and chronic illness. And so the cycle of bodily and mental dis-ease continues. Hatred also triggers the mind to try to predict what the actions of the person being hated may do, as a way to protect you, but this leads to further anxiety, restlessness, obsessive thinking and paranoia, which also then impacts negatively in the way you engage in relationships. It’s important to note that all these reactions affect only the hater, and not the hated, breaking down your nervous – immune – and endocrine system, and your mental well-being.
The opposite of hatred is not love. It is mental and emotional detachment. Hatred attaches you to the thing or person you hate. Hatred is an intense repulsion that creates a mirror effect in that it attracts the person back to the thing hated in order to be repulsed by it over and over. Hatred is bitter-sweet as it inflates the ego and makes you feel very superior and self-righteous against the thing or one that is hated, only breeding further pain.
Tips on getting rid of Hatred:
- Acknowledge that you are full of hatred. If you can admit that you are feeling hateful, then you can begin to deal with this emotion and find a solution to the problem.
- Understand why you are feeling hate. Look within yourself and ask why you are upset. Hatred usually comes from a place of fear, insecurity or mistrust.
- Try to catch yourself in your hatred. The mind in its ego state, will perpetuate it by saying confirming labelling statements such as “She’s really such a @*&?*.”
- When you catch yourself in these phrases, words or actions, stop yourself, recognise that it just feeds your hatred and builds up more anger.
- Take a step back. In the heat of the moment it can be hard to make wise decisions. Take a break, go for a walk or practice meditation until you have calmed down. Take deep breaths and allow yourself to relax. Once your mind is calm, you can will be able to control your emotions in a more efficient manner bringing perspective to your thoughts and feelings.
- Deal with it. Instead of ignoring the issue, try to find a solution to the problem. If the situation is beyond your control, try to resolve it in your head by shifting your mindset. You may not be able to change a particular person or situation, but you can change how you think about them. Or, do what needs to be done, preferably in an even-handed and open-minded way.
- Talk to someone you trust as talking to a close friend, family member or a psychologist about something painful, can help to alleviate the negative feelings you are having. They can often offer valuable advice or guidance.
Before you let someone live rent-free in your head and heart, remember – only YOU will be paying the painful price. Should you be struggling to let of hurt, anger, pain and hatred, contact us at PsychMatters on 0114503576 to assist you to live more masterfully and positively.
Understanding Hate | Psychology Today
Hate, it appears, sings with a different cadence throughout our lifetime. When we first learn of it, it’s foreign, formidable and forbidden, almost like a curse word. During hormone-fueled adolescence, hate suddenly becomes more accessible. Now it sounds like a pesky jingle dedicated to just about anything—from Brussel sprouts to math teachers.
All through adulthood, its catchy rhythms might linger on our screens and in our hearts. But as seasons pass, we yearn to distance ourselves from its jarring chords. Hate becomes too dissonant of an opus to endure, or in Martin Luther King Jr.’s words, “too great a burden to bear.”
Here are nine insights on hate from psychologist Agneta Fischer and her research on this searing emotion.
Hate is often misunderstood
Hate involves an appraisal that a person or group is evil. While hate relates to other negative emotions, it also has some unique features, such as the motivation to eliminate the object of your hate. Revenge is often a part of hate, because the idea behind revenge is to want to hurt the person/group as much as you have been hurt by them. In daily life, the word hate is used very casually (e.g., I hate my teacher because she gave me a bad grade). People don’t usually mean that. When we ask participants to recall an experience when they felt hate, they do not usually recall these types of casual events. In fact, one of the challenges of studying hate is that most people can’t think of a time when they experienced true hate.
It seems easier to hate groups than individuals
One surprising finding from our research is that hate spreads and increases quicker if it’s directed at a group, rather than an individual. When you hate a group, the intensity of your hate can grow without you being confronted with specific persons or contrasting information from the group—you are basing your hate on stereotypes and prejudices. If you hate an individual, your hate may be countered with empathy or a reappraisal of the person when you encounter their positive side. In fact, when we asked people in conflict regions to tell us stories in which they hated someone, 80% talked about groups and not individuals.
Differences between hate, anger, and contempt
Hate vs. anger
The theoretical difference between hate and anger is that hate involves the whole individual/group, and not a particular aspect of the individual/group. You hate someone because of what they are, and you are angry at someone because of what they did. Anger, thus, can be considered more in terms of behavior. When people are angry at someone, they often have the feeling that they can control the other person. Anger, essentially, is trying to remove the obstacle posed by the other person when you want to reach a goal. You get angry when you want an apology, when you want someone to change their behavior, etc.
When there is repeated anger and nothing changes, contempt may arise. Contempt is feeling like the other person is not worth your anger. You are still angry, but you are trying to regulate your anger by looking down on the other person and putting a distance between you.
Contempt vs. hate
Contempt is the cold version of hate. Like hate, contempt is about who you are, your nature and your personality. When you feel contempt, you tend to feel that they are not even worth your attention, which I think might make it feel worse to be the object of someone’s contempt than it does to be the object of hate. With hate, you cannot be indifferent towards the person. You are more engaged, because you want to get rid of them—whether socially, mentally or physically.
Hate spreads easier than anger
Hate can spread from one generation to another much easier than anger or frustration. For example, when we asked people who had experienced a war themselves and people who had only heard about it from others’ stories, the amount of reported hate was the same for both groups. This means that not only can people hate others based on someone else’s experiences, but that hate can be as intense as if they had experienced the event themselves. This was not the case with anger, which tends to be more intense if you experience the anger-causing event firsthand.
Physiology of hate
Unlike anger, there is no physiological pattern that is characteristic of hate, because hate is a long-term experience. Someone can do something to make you immediately angry, but usually, you need more information to hate someone. In the heat of the moment, however, the arousal patterns of hate in the brain and the body may be similar to anger.
Dealing with hate
There is a lot of confusion about hate and what it really means. If people realize that hate is something much bigger, that it includes the desire to eliminate others, maybe they will change the way they use the word. It takes emotional intelligence to discern between feelings. But it is something that can be developed. Perhaps making people understand what they are actually thinking and feeling, and why, when they say “I hate you,” or disentangling the different ingredients of their negative emotions, might be helpful. For example, you could say, “I know you are saying I hate you, which means that there is nothing positive that you can detect about this person or group, nothing that you have in common. Is this really true?”
I think it’s better not to let your emotions reach the level of hate, and to start working on them while you are still angry. If it doesn’t work, consider whether you still want that relationship.
Hate can dissolve over time if the hated individual/group leaves your life, changes completely, or if you can work on changing the way you think about them. But don’t count on it happening from one day to another. One needs to work on the disappearance of hate, like one has to work on maintaining love.
Many thanks to Agneta Fischer for her time and insights. Fischer is a professor in Emotions and Affective Processes in the Social Psychology department at the University of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, and Dean of the Faculty of Social and Behavioral Sciences.
What happens in the brain when we dislike somebody
Indeed, dislike is a necessary survival mechanism that humans have been using to get by for centuries, way before the jungle of social media took over. Here’s how the mind-body connection involved in disliking someone works. In order to understand what happens in your body when you dislike someone, you can start by trying to understand fear. As Robert Sapolsky writes in “Why Your Brain Hates Other People,” when we see someone who even looks different from us, “there is preferential activation of the amygdala,” which means the brain region associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational. Our negative feelings toward someone get stronger as bad experiences with them pile up, and these negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies. As AJ Marsden, assistant professor of Psychology at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida, puts it, “our fight-or-flight response is our bodies way of dealing with a stressor.”
Stressors that trigger fight-or-flight need not be life or death, though, says Marsden: “Sadly, our body cannot tell the difference between an actual stressor (being chased by someone with a knife) and a perceived stressor (having work with someone you hate).” This is why seeing posts from your high school bully can make you feel the anxiety of being bullied all over again: your fearful associations with disliking the person trigger your own need to protect yourself. Over time, this response puts stress on our bodies, conditioning us to be more skeptical of a person’s actions than we would be if we felt neutral about them. “In the mind, the neural connections become stronger and cause us to dwell more on the negative aspects of that person,” says Marsden. “Even if they were to do something positive, we’d pay more attention to the negative because that’s what we’ve trained our brain to do. ” This explains why we have a seemingly endless list of negative facts about people we dislike, even if our rational brain would tell us there has to be something redeeming about them. This heightened arousal of our fearful instincts causes us to dread future interactions with people we dislike. In turn, this conditions us into even further dislike of that person, which just validates our negative feelings. In this way, our distaste for another person becomes like a snake eating its tail: we dislike them because they make us feel bad, and we feel bad because we dislike them.
But since there’s no “Black Mirror”-style real life-muting feature, we have to learn how to overcome dislike in order to get on with our daily lives. As Marsden points out, our dislike has a tendency to negatively impact our own behavior with co-workers and mutual friends: “If we don’t like a person, we may be short with them or interrupt them without realizing it. They notice our rudeness toward them and often respond with rudeness, confirming our negative thoughts about that person. ” The key to breaking this vicious cycle, Marsden says, is mindfulness; when you’re aware of how your dislike influences your body (and your behavior), you can start to condition yourself to respond rationally. When it comes to dislike, maybe “out of sight, out of mind, out of control” is a better-amended motto. Since dislike is rooted in a fear of the unknown, perhaps understanding more about where our dislike comes from can help us overcome its influence on our behavior. And when all else fails, there’s always the ‘block’ feature.
The Mental Health Effects of Hate
November 9th, 2018
Hate is a very powerful emotion that everyone experiences from time to time but for some people it can become problematic. People who feed into their hatred and allow it to grow can start to deal with some seriously negative effects in terms of their health and their social functioning. Hate can affect people deeply and cause problems for themselves and those around them in lasting ways.
Hate is a real problem not only in people’s personal lives but in our society as a whole. In spite of much of the social progress that has been made in the U.S. and throughout the world, hate groups are still very active and cause violent events in their communities. It is a complex emotion that can take a very dark turn for those who can’t find ways to cope with their feelings of fear and anxiety.
The destruction that occurs when someone hates and is unable to overcome their hate can be alarming. They can develop serious psychological issues that can lead to violence and harm. Understanding what causes hate and how to cope with it is crucial for better mental health and overall wellness.
The Causes and Symptoms of Hate
What makes someone feel hatred? Often it comes from feelings of fear, rejection or a perceived threat. In some cases hate can also stem from internalized issues that become projected onto someone else.
Either specific people in our lives or a group of people may trigger some of these feelings subconsciously. You may see qualities that you don’t like about yourself in someone else and begin to feel hatred for them. You might also feel afraid that they will hurt or reject you or are somehow threatened by them in a way that reveals your insecurities.
Underneath hate there is often a deep sense of fear and insecurity that becomes masked by hate. People who hate and convince others to hate are trying to boost their self-worth to avoid confronting their vulnerabilities. Because continuing to hate is a way of never truly dealing with these underlying feelings it can lead to complex psychological issues.
Someone who is not able to cope with their hate may have trouble getting along with others and it can cause problems for them in their life. They might struggle with maintaining relationships or end up losing their job because of conflict with coworkers. Even worse they might become verbally or physically abusive and in some cases plan violent incidents.
Minimizing and Resolving Hate
Hate can be poisonous for a person’s mental health, making them feel constantly agitated and upset with the people around them. Although hate can certainly harm others, it is also very painful for the hater themselves. Resolving and letting go of feelings of hatred can help you feel more calm, relaxed and happier in the long run.
Learning to be more aware when feelings of hatred occur and understanding what triggers them can be a good way to experience the necessary introspection for reducing hate. You need to try to understand why you hate someone and what other feelings it stirs up for you. When you feel you are having hateful thoughts you can take a moment to step back and be mindful of the experience.
When hate starts to build up it can be helpful to try breathing exercises to help produce a sense of calm. Breathing deeply in and out can help release some of the anger and tension that often accompanies feelings of hate. As your body relaxes you can try to challenge some of the irrational thoughts that are happening in your mind.
Distracting yourself from your hateful thoughts can help prevent them from snowballing and getting out of control. Often people tend to feed their hate by continuing to think about reasons to hate someone instead of simply moving on. As you become aware that you are feeling hate you can take your mind off of it by going for a walk, reading a book or exercising.
It is important to understand the destructive nature of hate and be aware of it so that it doesn’t take over your mind. Self-awareness and changing your mindset can help to reduce hatred so that it doesn’t become problematic. People who don’t address their emotional problems can allow their hate to become harmful to others.
If you feel that hate is affecting your mental health it can be a good idea to talk to a therapist to try to understand what it causing these emotions. They may have insights into why you hate someone that you are not able to see yourself. A therapist can also help you develop strategies to cope with anger, fear, insecurities and any other feelings that need to be resolved in order to minimize hate.
What Hate Does to People
These past few weeks, Americans have seen the worst part of humanity—hate acted out in our public streets. Hate against people of different races, hate against the police, against those who are different, against groups, individuals.
When O.J. Simpson was paroled a few recently, I heard news commentators say they hated him. When I search for images of hate, pictures of our president emerge.
But what happens when we feel this powerful emotion towards a group of people or an individual? What does it mean to be “in hate” rather than be in love? While some would argue that there is fine line between the two feeling states, the brain activates differently “in hate.”
When someone is in love, the parts of the brain involved in judgment and reason deactivate. This is why we often say that love makes someone “stupid” and they lose their good sense. But hate heightens your judgment. It activates regions in the brain associated with aggression. The motor parts of your brain move that aggression into action. This is why holding on to hate is dangerous. The more a person hates, the more prone he or she is to taking action. Haters calculate their moves and plan revenge. Reason and rumination are both involved.
There are many reasons why people find themselves in this negative state of emotion–they have been deeply hurt by someone, feel afraid of others, or feel empty and target others as a way to deal with the void. Sometimes, we hate because others remind us of negative things about ourselves and we project those feelings on to others. Hate can also be bred by betrayal and by envy. Hate can become all-consuming and affect a person physically, as well as, spiritually and emotionally. In the end, it leads to bitterness.
We learn to hate somewhere—whether the source is online, a family system, disturbed friends, violent video games—something has to begin to build hate as a way to deal with others and/or ourselves. But hatred is a heart sin. For the Christian, it is viewed as an act of murder. We are directed to rid ourselves of this destructive emotion.
The science of hate tells us that people who feel hate often think they can also be loving and kind in other parts of their lives, but hate is a cancer and brings only destruction. “Whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes” (1 John 2:11).
There is no positive benefit or place for hate other than directing that emotion to evil. Psalm 97:10. “Let those who love the Lord hate evil.” The way to get out of that darkness is to walk in the light and allow God to transform your heart. Forgive those who have hurt you, let go of bitterness and the need for revenge, stop thinking and ruminating about your injustices. Rather think about how can you be part of the solution and begin open your heart to love.
This is What Happens To Your Brain When You Hate Someone
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As kind and accepting as we are, there will always be someone you meet in life that you dislike for one or more reasons. How do our brains form this feeling of hate? Why is it that only certain people fall into this category in our mind? Let’s find out.
Ever been around someone you cannot stand? Whether it is that that co-worker that really riles you up for not being a team player or that one cousin that cannot get over how awesome he is, there’s always a bunch of people we meet in life that we won’t be able to like. Why does this happen?
What Science Says About Hating Someone
Scientists Semir Zeki and John Paul Romaya went on a quest to identify which part of the brain reacts to hatred by conducting a study. By asking participants to stare at a picture of someone they didn’t mind and then look at a picture of someone they hated, the scientists came up with the following observations.
The parts of the brain activated were the medial frontal gyrus, the medial insula, the right putamen and the premotor cortex. These are now called the “hate circuit.”
Let’s break this down more, shall we? The premotor cortex is that part of our brain that gets activated when we have feelings of anger or aggression. When we feel hatred, this part of our brain is actually ready for physical attack! The frontal gyros is the part of the brain that deals with the yes or no decisions we make. When you hate somebody this part of the brain is constantly in conflict, wondering if you should act negatively on these feelings.
To the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love’, says Prof. Semir Zeki in his study. The study found that there was a pattern in the brain activity when hate was stimulated on seeing faces on people they disliked. What’s more is that two areas of this pattern were shared by the brain when the subject looked at pictured of people they loved!
Watch: What Your Brain Does When You Really, Really Hate Someone!
What Does Psychology Say?
When we hate something about a person that is different from us, it leads to the projection of these feelings. Simply explained, the feeling of uncertainty, fear or insecurity about a quality, race, gender or any aspect of a person different from you gets projected onto that person. You begin to see the person’s world as something you do not understand, causing you to feel hatred. Basically, these feelings are irrational and illogical and involve being afraid of anything different from what you already know and are aware of. Realizing this and choosing to show compassion or at least tolerance is a brave act because you are going against what your conscience is feeling. So hating someone is all about you and has nothing to do with the other person!
How To Deal With Hatred
Take a good look inside when addressing hatred toward someone. There will be one main quality that will stand out. Now ask yourself, “Do I have this quality? Most likely the answer will be no. For. eg. The person you hate is selfish. You might find that you lack the quality of putting yourself first. You may be harbouring some resentment or bitterness about this quality of yours which makes you irritable when someone else shows the opposite of it in abundance.
You might resent a trait in someone because of your own lack in that area.
Use this as an opportunity to understand yourself better and work on these areas with acceptance, patience and understanding.
Treat the person with compassion or at least be civil about how you deal with them. Harbouring hate has serious consequences on your own mental health!
While hatred triggers your mind to predict the actions of the person, it also leads to anxiety, obsession and paranoia which can negatively impact your relationships. It further affects the nervous system, immune system and endocrine system as well. Here are some tips to deal with any hatred you might feel.
- Acknowledge how you feel.
- Understand where the hatred is coming from: is it from fear, insecurity or mistrust?
- Hatred can sometimes lead to verbal abuse or physical abuse. If you feel yourself consumed by the urge to do something that might hurt somebody, take some time off to calm down and adopt a more acceptable perspective.
- Try and look for a quality in that person that you might actually like. Maybe it will help you see them in a different light.
- Every time you feel the urge to lash out, take deep breaths and try and relax. Calming your mind can help you rationalise how you are feeling.
- A slight perspective change can help you deal with hating someone. Try and understand why they bother you and resolve it in your head. Although you cannot change someone, you can change what affects you.
- Communicate how you feel with someone you trust. This can help relieve you of how you are feeling.
Above all, realise that you will always meet people who are different from you. Disliking someone is bound to happen at some point. How you feel is solely dependent on how you choose to deal with it.
Recognise why the persons particular quality is causing you discomfort, think about if you think you lack that quality in some form or the other and take steps to view the person in a different light.
A lot of negative words and actions can be saved if you can view the person you hate with some compassion and more than anything else you’ll save your body and mind the damage caused by negative thoughts.
Hatred grows out of disgust
This is a very important point: with hatred, a person seeks to destroy that which causes hatred, because coexistence in the same space with the object of disgust is impossible, but it is also impossible to eliminate, so there is only one thing to do – to destroy. This feeling is characterized by the formulation of the question: “Either I, or he / she / it”, there can be no intermediate options in hatred – being an extremely strong experience, it burns out all the semitones.Disgust puts the question differently: “Do what you want, but don’t get caught in my eyes and don’t meddle with me!”
For example, a person thinks gays are disgusting. If he is simultaneously afraid that these “terrible creatures” can threaten his world and there is no salvation from them, then anger is born from this mixture, growing into hatred that requires an exit. Hatred of parents is often born out of disgust and resentment.
How to generate hatred where it seems to have not been observed before (and there is no objective threat)? The recipe is clear: put some people (or a group of people) with disgusting moral traits (Jews drink the blood of Christian babies; all Muslims are terrorists; Russian barbarians can do nothing but drink and rape …) and add fear / remember offenses: “They are coming to you, they will make you live your own way! ” or: “Do you remember how they humiliated you ?!”
As a matter of fact, the nationalist cult of historical grievances, which is very popular in the world, especially in the post-Soviet space (the Baltic States, Georgia, Ukraine, Russia …), is the most fertile environment for the formation of hatred, you just need to add disgust to the appearance of neighbors (and even if the neighbors really give reasons for this – so generally a fairy tale …).It is very important to suppress empathy, because the ability to see the good in a disgusting person greatly interferes with hate.
The more limited and narrow the worldview of a person / community of people, the more reasons for hatred he has. And then hatred further narrows the picture of the world, riveting attention only to that which causes disgust – and so one causes the other. In order to destroy the hateful, one must come into contact with the ugly. And thus poison yourself.
Is there a benefit to hate?
A useful function of hatred is the release of energy to destroy a deadly threat that cannot be fenced off.The problem starts from the moment deadly threats begin to breed where they do not exist. A person obsessed with his own fears and weaknesses is most susceptible to hatred, but, due to weakness, he will not realize his hatred himself, but will join the one who nevertheless dares. Then the hatred is accompanied by gloating in the style of “And the neighbor’s cow died” or “Serves them right, they deserve it!” And tolerance becomes a dirty word: what kind of tolerance can there be in a world where there are only monsters, and you are a weak trembling creature?
“How to deal with hatred towards a person who has betrayed?” – Yandex.
No need to cope. Better to find out what it is for and accomplish this task in less painful ways.
Why hate is needed
Hatred (and other feelings) are needed in order to protect a person from painful situations.
A man once poisoned himself with a herring and now he cannot see it. The body warns (with disgust): “Do not eat this, it will be bad.”
The people were betrayed.Hatred warns: “do not communicate with him, it will be bad. After all, he does not even regret anything and will hurt you again.”
Where do obsessive thoughts come from
But why, in this case, you cannot leave calmly? Why do you need to constantly think about it? This means that some unresolved problem is associated with the situation, and it is so important that the intensity of feelings only increases. How pain grows without medicine.
Unresolved problems (possible options)
1. “Will I be able to somehow protect myself from pain?”
This is an important question for the psyche. Over and over again, a part of you comes back to the problem and reminds me: “You have to do something so that I know that this will never happen again. I am scared. Protect me, please.”
2. “If I cannot forgive, then I am bad”
Many people were taught in childhood, and even forced to forgive offenders.
The child who broke your toy in the sandpit. The dad who slapped the butt with a belt.Even a pedophile, who is “a respected person, a friend of the family, and you are lying.”
Punished and scolded not only for the manifestation of anger (“He broke my toy, he is bad!”), But even for the manifestation of pain (sadness, tears).
When such people grow up, they already punish themselves if they get angry or upset because of the offenders. For offenders, of course, this greatly facilitates life, because there is no resistance and you can continue in the same spirit.
Meanwhile, the anger and pain in the soul of a person who has been betrayed does not disappear anywhere.And the more she is suppressed, the more she reminds of herself. You can’t force yourself to forgive. You can only drive the feelings deeper and then they will manifest themselves as diseases or “causeless” constant apathy, despondency.
3. “I want to be away from this person, but I can’t”
This is an internal conflict. Part of you really wants to stop communicating, the other just needs to stay close. Neither side is willing to concede. Conflicting feelings build up. Just like sometimes in a conflict, people first disagree, then they argue, then they scream and fight.
You write that the person continues to offend you, and I assumed that you are communicating. Very often, even after resentment and betrayal, people continue not only to communicate, but also to live together. If something important connects them.
- Financial, social dependence
For example, if a woman is financially dependent on a man, she has small children, she is threatened with violence if she leaves. In this case, she continues to live with the abuser, but her thoughts are constantly going in circles: she must do something, but does not know what.
- The need to find good
Sometimes things are not so scary, but for reason number 2, the person cannot move away from the offender. Over and over again he tries to communicate, see the good, forgive, finally, as his parents taught. These attempts are doomed to failure, but he cannot stop them.
- Emotional dependence (codependency)
Such people cannot part, even if the partner systematically betrays and offends.Until the problem of addiction is resolved, they do not stop communicating with the abuser.
In all these scenarios, hatred and pain will be fueled by new events and will become stronger.
What can be done about it
If my clients want to work with the topic of hatred, resentment, then we first find out what this hatred protects from. I remember examples when the client simply had enough to see that instead of painfully trying to forgive the offender, she could simply forgive herself.For the fact that she has not yet reached such a holiness to forgive everyone and for everything. There are many things that we cannot. We are not perfect, but we can live with our limitations. After that, the desire to call and write to the offender disappeared, obsessive thoughts disappeared.
Think about why it is so important now to remember this insult, not to forget about it? What can happen if you suddenly forget? These questions can give you important information.
I wish that all your feelings and intentions exist in harmony.And you were surrounded only by loving, reliable people!
Hatred at first sight. Where do people get this feeling | SOCIETY
Two murders – a fatal wound of a 15-year-old girl and a robbery in which Ksenia Katorgina died – shook Yekaterinburg. The senseless and reckless cruelty of the crimes raised questions that the publicist Lev Koshcheev tried to answer. Below is his direct speech.
– The internal affairs bodies report: the young man stabbed the girl with a knife because of “a sudden outbreak of hostility”, they had not known each other before.It scratches my ear somehow. It would somehow be more natural if a sexual feeling suddenly flared up in the young man. But, apparently, she was primarily a person for him. And we hate people. Everyone. Including those who have never been seen before.
One of these days I am driving in the central lane along Donbasskaya, in the right lane there is a giant line to Serovskiy tract. The car in front of me is trying to stick into this queue almost at her head. Someone in front of whom she does this comes out with an oblong object and, without saying a word, begins to sweep her on the hood.Also here is the “sudden dislike”. More precisely, old, but hidden. For it to become apparent, an insignificant reason was enough.
And this happens at every step. Nowhere do people walk as leisurely as on a pedestrian crossing.
It is quite possible, of course, that the man on the zebra in front of me is simply sick with arthritis. I just made up his hatred for me. But it’s too late – already I hate him in return. I hate everyone a little more than a minute ago. The global scope of evil has increased.It grows by the minute.
No wonder they will answer me. People live so badly! They have to work so hard and hard and the salaries are so low!
Yes, it is. But the horror is that it is a vicious circle. Need breeds hate, but hate breeds need. A person who hates the consumers of his labor cannot be successful.
I am hiring a builder. After half an hour of work, he thoughtfully drops:
– You have an Audi car. And the wife is beautiful. And I have a “nine”.
This conclusion paralyzes his brain. The speed of screwing in the screws decreases before our eyes, but the curvature of screwing them in grows.
I won’t hire him next time. He is sitting without a paycheck, and so am I.
Perhaps this can explain the successes and failures of the entire Soviet society. We were great at killing machines. Solid hockey triumph, which is almost a war. Complete order with the ballet, where they served the age-old traditions of choreography.But where the purpose of the activity was to do someone well, there was invariably slippage. The workers of the car factory fiercely envied the one who had to go in the car they had made and seduce the girls. And they involuntarily tried to spoil him somehow. Like the conductor, who hated those who rode to the sea and the sun in her carriage.
We inherited this dislike of everyone for everyone – a whirlwind that in abundance creates reasons for its existence. Even if we seize a World Bank and pay every Russian a huge salary for five years, this will change little.People are too used to being dissatisfied with their lives – reasons can always be found. People are too used to hating each other.
90,000 Why spite and hatred kill those who raised them in themselves – Rossiyskaya Gazeta
“… it amazes me how you can hate your brother who has done so much good to you!”
From a letter from Tatiana N.
Tatiana, hello! The history of hatred is so old that the first envious person who rebelled against his brother is told at the very beginning of the Bible.And we should take this story very seriously. If only because it shows the mechanism of the origin of malice in the heart of a person.
So, after the fall and expulsion from paradise, Adam and Eve gave birth to their firstborn. And Eve said, “I got a man from the Lord.” The name Cain just means “acquisition.” Most likely, Eve considered that her child was a gift from God, she hoped that Cain would become the one who would be able to crush the power of the devil: remember how after the fall, God promised that from the “seed of the woman” there would appear the One Who would hit the serpent in the head – tempter? Eve, of course, could not forget these words of promise, and all her hopes of returning to her former life in the Garden of Eden were concentrated in Cain. But she did not pin such hopes on the second son, on Abel. That is why Abel called him, which in Hebrew means “steam, a breath of wind, or … nothing, futility.” Perhaps Cain did not live up to his mother’s expectations from the very beginning – it happens! – and about Abel they decided not to build any illusions.
And Abel was a shepherd, and Cain was a tiller. One day the brothers decided to make a sacrifice to God. Cain brought “from the fruits of the earth,” and Abel brought sheep from his flock, the best sheep. It is clear that the Lord needs neither fruit nor sheep, even the best.The meaning of the sacrifice offered to God is that our heart, realizing both its sinfulness and its inseparable connection with the Creator, demonstrates this on the material level – after all, we ourselves are completely material for ourselves. It is we, not God, who need excellent fruits, and fine-fleeced sheep, and much more, but we, out of love for the Lord, tear away the essentials from ourselves. Giving the best, and not according to the principle: “On you, God, what is not good for us!”
Cain did not bother with the choice, he gave it as noted. And it turned out that it is impossible with God.Insincerity, falsity in a relationship with the All-Seeing does not pass. Not in the sense that the Lord does not forgive it. No, He is All-Merciful, and we will be convinced of this. And the fact that the worm of arrogance: “Why bend!”, Too quickly turns into a snake-destroyer. The quality of the sacrifice and the carelessness with which Cain brought it testified that he did not believe that the relationship with God was worth special attention and effort. I guess it’s not for us to blame Cain for that.
And it is said that the Lord accepted Abel’s gift, but Cain’s gift did not.Why is that? First, it is the right of the Lord: to accept the sacrifice or not to accept. And secondly, the sacrifice to God is a broken spirit, a broken and humble heart. And this is something Cain did not present.
Seeing that his brother’s sacrifice was accepted, but he was not, Cain was upset, his face drooped. So we often, when doing something for God or for our neighbors, expect a reward for it. And not receiving it, we become sad and annoyed – this is how it turns out what our efforts were for: for the sake of encouragement or for the very joy of being involved in goodness and God.
And the Lord appeared to Cain: amazingly, God appeared not to Abel – a righteous man with a pure, open heart, but to his brother, in whose heart envy had already crept in, his face was distorted with malice. Yes, the Lord appeared to the sinner – to stop, to make him understand: God comes to save not the righteous, sinners. And He said to Cain: “Why are you upset? Why is your face drooped? If you do good, do you not lift your face to heaven? And if you do not do good, then sin lies at the door; it draws you to itself, but you rule over him. “God gives Cain an opportunity, in whose heart envy has already settled, to see what is happening to him! Stop, repent! And here we hear from the lips of the Lord one of the most important laws of spiritual life: “If you do not do good, then sin lies at the door – that is, if you are no longer able to do good with a pure heart, not formally, but sincerely, this means that sin is already here, near, at the door! It draws you to itself, but you rule over it! ” – God warns.
It is useless, literally the next phrase of the Book of Genesis sounds like this: “And Cain said to Abel his brother: let us go into the field.And when they were in the field, Cain rebelled against Abel, his brother, and killed him. ” murders on earth. Details are not so important. What is important is the spiritual law revealed to us by the Lord: “If we do good, then we are still with God, if we are not capable of a good deed (this is where you can test yourself, test your heart! ), it means that sin is near, at the threshold of our soul.But there is still a chance, it is still possible to stop! He, sin, attracts us, but we are subject to dominate over him! And if we do not stop ourselves at this stage, if we do not listen to the voice of God, and our conscience is the voice of God in us, then the ending will be terrible! “Cain is not able to sincerely do good and his heart becomes a container that the devil is looking for : this is the objective law that fixes how a person gives his heart either to God or to the enemy of the human race. Evil attracts, and if you are passive, if you are not able to become a co-worker with God in doing good, then, whether you want it or not, it is sin will take you to the abyss of hell.By the way, envy is more agile than all other passions, it is ready to open the gates of our soul to the devil.
And more. There are significant words in the Bible: “If you begin to serve God, prepare your soul for temptation.” This is connected with the action of sin, with the action of Satan. If you did a good thing, then get ready for the test for what you did it for – out of love? And how much of this love you have. On the other hand, if a good deed is followed by serious trials, then you really did something good.
But back to the fratricide Cain. And God said to Cain: “Where is Abel, your brother?” – The Lord gives Cain one more opportunity to change his mind, to repent. But what do we hear in response? Bold and no less stupid: “I don’t know; am I my brother’s keeper?” As Adam after the Fall tried to hide from the All-Seeing in the bushes, so Cain tries to deceive the All-Knowing: sin always blinds, so that a person loses the ability to perceive God correctly. The blinded sinner begins to think that he will be able to cheat, fool – God Himself.And then the Lord raises his voice. And the Lord said: “What have you done? Your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the earth! And now you are cursed from the earth, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand! And when you cultivate the earth, it will no longer give strength yours for you. You will be an exile and a wanderer on earth! ” And it was here that the peals of God’s wrath reached the heart of the fratricide Cain, and he realized his guilt, and repented, and prayed for mercy.
“Confession is sufficient, but not in good time,” writes St. John Chrysostom.And he adds: “There is no sin, no matter how great it may be, that overcomes God’s love for mankind, if we bring repentance and ask for forgiveness in due time.” But the time was just lost. Judge for yourself, sin is always an instrument of death: physical and spiritual. Through sin, death enters our world, because God did not create death, He created people immortal. Abel was the first to die on earth. But Cain, the first murderer, having committed a terrible crime, destroyed his soul. And if Adam and Eve God does not curse for their sin in Paradise, He curses the tempting serpent and the earth for them, then the Lord imposes a curse on Cain.Which? The earth is the support of man in our world, it ceases to be a stronghold of reliability, they say, it shuddered, began to walk with a shake where Cain walked. “The earth is burning under our feet,” we say about a criminal man. And does such a person have a chance to be saved? About this, as well as about which of us bears the seal of Cain, what to do if you are envied and hated, and how to overcome evil with good, the speech in the next material.
Saints about the sin of envy
“It is better to have a snake swirling in the womb than envy nesting inside.The snake in the interior, when there is other food for it, does not touch the human body; envy, even if they offered her a thousand foods, devours the very soul, gnaws at it from all sides, torments and tears; for her, no sedative can be found that would reduce her fury, except for one thing – the misfortune with the prosperous . .. As the raging ones often turn their swords at themselves, so the envious, having in mind only one thing – harm to the one they envy, they lose own salvation… Do not let envy take possession of the soul, because if it nestles there, it will not leave the nest anymore until it brings the soul to the last degree of recklessness. ”
St. John Chrysostom
“Other ill-wishers are made more meek by beneficence. The envious and malevolent is even more irritated by the good done to him.”
Saint Basil the Great
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The main questions of life.Why are people so cruel to each other?
- Simon McCarthy-Jones
- Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology
Photo Credit, Getty Images
Hurting someone who is unable to respond in kind may seem like unacceptable cruelty, but it is happens much more often than one might think.
Why do some people act cruelly towards those who pose no danger to them – sometimes even against their own children? Where does this behavior come from and what purpose does it serve? – Ruth, 45, London.
This is answered by Simon McCarthy-Jones, Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology at Trinity College Dublin, Ireland.
“What a chimera a man is, what a center of contradictions, what a monster! The judge of all things – and at the same time an earth worm; witness of truth – and at the same time a cesspool of ignorance and delusion; pride of the universe – and at the same time its the last waste “, – wrote in 1658 the eminent French philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal.
Since Pascal’s time, little has changed.We love, we hate, we help, we harm. We reach out and we stick a knife in the back. We understand when someone snaps back, trying to protect themselves. But when someone offends a completely harmless person, we ask the question: “How could he ?!”
People usually do what they enjoy or avoid suffering. Hitting another person makes most of us feel that pain. And we don’t like this feeling.
From this it can be assumed that there are two reasons why people make the defenseless suffer: they either do not feel the pain of others, or they do, but it brings them pleasure.
There is another reason: even in the most harmless person, another can see a hidden threat to himself. Someone who does not pose a threat to your body or wallet can threaten your social status. This helps explain the seemingly inexplicable actions of those who harm those helping them – for example, financially.
In today’s liberal society, it is generally accepted that by making others suffer, we harm them. However, some philosophers reject this idea.(For example, Friedrich Nietzsche wrote in his book “Evil Wisdom”: “The cruelty of an insensitive person is the antipode of compassion; the cruelty of a sensitive person is a higher potency of compassion.”
Sadists and psychopaths
Anyone who takes pleasure in humiliating another and hurting another is a sadist. Sadists feel the pain of another person more than others and enjoy it – at least as long as the pain lasts.Then they may feel bad.
In the public mind, sadism is associated with murderers and executioners, those who torture. However, there is a much less extreme, but much more common type of sadism – everyday sadism.
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Most of us will give up knowingly inflicting pain on another person – primarily because by hurting others, we partly share their pain
Domestic sadists experience pleasure from hurting others or from observing how they suffer.Usually they like violent films, they are in awe of fights, they are interested in torture. There are few such people – but not enough to be overlooked. About 6% of the students surveyed admitted that they enjoy hurting others.
Everyday sadism can take the form of Internet trolling or bullying of a classmate. Household sadists are drawn to play violent computer games. And in role-playing computer online games, such people are usually “griefers” – pests, dirty tricks who spoil the gameplay for others without any benefit to themselves.
Unlike sadists, psychopaths inflict suffering on others, not because they enjoy it (although they can get it), but because they want something. If inflicting pain on another helps to achieve the goal, then so be it.
Psychopaths do this because they are less likely to feel pity, remorse, or fear. They can understand how others are feeling, but this does not affect them.
And this is a very dangerous set of qualities. For millennia, humanity has tamed itself.As a result, many of us find it difficult to hurt another person. Those who torture or kill are haunted by the memories of their lives. Yet psychopathy is a powerful predictor for future incidents of unprovoked violence.
Photo author, Getty Images
Some scientists believe that possessing the traits of a sadist helps people gain influence, break through to power.
We need to understand when we are faced with a psychopath. The conclusion about this can be made by observing the expression on a person’s face or by briefly talking to him.
Unfortunately, psychopaths know this and try very hard to disguise themselves, to make a first good impression on you.
Fortunately, most people do not have psychopathic character traits. Only 0.5% can be considered psychopaths. At the same time, there are about 8% of prisoners among men and 2% among women.
But not all psychopaths are dangerous. Antisocial psychopaths may seek the thrill of drugs or hazardous activities. Prosocial psychopaths can act in the public interest by taking pleasure in pursuing new ideas.
Just as inventions and innovations are changing our society, so prosocial psychopaths can change the world for all of us. Both for the better and for the worse.
Where do these character traits come from?
Nobody really knows why some people are sadists. Some believe that sadism developed as a reaction to the need to kill animals while hunting. Others believe that he helps people gain influence, break through to power. Neurology believes sadism could be a coping tactic in times of trouble.
When a certain food is not enough, the level of the neurotransmitter serotonin, the “hormone of happiness”, in our body drops. This makes us more likely to want to harm others because it becomes more enjoyable.
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There are milder forms of sadism that give people the cheap pleasure of watching someone in a vulnerable position
Psychopathy can also be an adaptation. Several studies have linked higher rates of psychopathy with higher fertility (although the opposite has been found).This may be because psychopaths have a reproductive advantage in a hostile environment.
Indeed, psychopathy flourishes in an unstable world of fierce competition. The abilities of psychopaths make them skillful manipulators. Impulsiveness and lack of fear help them take risks and achieve short-term goals.
The fact that psychopathy is alive and well in the modern world can be explained by its connection with creativity.
Eric Weinstein, a mathematician and economist who applies the theoretical achievements of mathematical physics to traditional economics, argues that in general, people with a difficult character are the engine of progress.
However, when the environment is conducive to creative thinking, the benefits of psychopaths are no longer so obvious.
Sadism and psychopathy are usually closely related to other character traits – narcissism and Machiavellianism. These aspects of the human personality have a common denominator – the so-called D-factor, the “dark triad” factor.
The hereditary component in these traits can be either moderate or strong. Some people can be born that way. Or, parents with high D-factor levels may pass on these traits to their children by being rude in the family.
Understandably, observing how others behave can teach us how to behave in the same way. So each of us has a role to play in the fight against violence.
Fear and dehumanization
It is often said that dehumanizing other people, depriving them of their human qualities, allows being cruel. Potential victims are called dogs, cockroaches, lice, so that later it would be easier to infringe on them, to hurt them.
This makes sense.Research shows that when someone violates social norms, our brains portray their face as less human. This makes it easier for us to punish those who violate the norms of behavior.
Of course, it’s nice to think that if we see someone as a person, then we will not harm him. But this is a dangerous delusion.
Psychologist Paul Bloom believes that our cruellest actions are not based on dehumanizing others. People can hurt others precisely because they see them as human beings who do not want to endure pain and humiliation.
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During the Holocaust, the Nazis killed millions in concentration camps.
For example, the Nazis dehumanized Jews, calling them parasites and classifying them as an inferior, inferior race. However, Jews were humiliated, tortured and killed precisely because they saw them as living people who could be made to suffer.
Diminishing the benefactor
Sometimes people even harm those who help them, including financially, although at first glance such actions do not make any sense.Why harm someone who does good to you?
This phenomenon is known as “belittling the benefactor” and is found throughout the world.
“Diminishing the benefactor” exists because we tend to resist domination, in whatever form it manifests itself – in the form of help “from the lord’s shoulder” or in the form of a categorical know-it-all on the UN rostrum.
The best is the enemy of the good, says the popular expression attributed to Voltaire. In addition, belittling the benefactor has one hidden positive side.After we remove a benefactor from his pedestal, we are more likely to listen to what he has to say.
For example, one study found that when people are allowed to say they don’t like vegetarians, they subsequently, oddly enough, become less supportive of meat-eating.
Shooting, crucifixion or simply harsh criticism of the evangelist can ultimately help his words find new listeners and supporters.
Cruelty for Good
In Whiplash – Ed.), the leader of a jazz group abuses his student drummer in order to encourage him to achieve a high level of mastery of drumming. Through psychological stress, he tries to reveal talent, to give a chance to achieve real greatness.
This tactic may disgust us. However, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that we have an unfairly great disgust for such cruelty.
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The history of mankind is marred by violence and cruelty against those who bring the good news
From Nietzsche’s point of view, the teacher is cruel to the student for his own, the student’s good.People can be cruel to themselves in order to become what they want to be.
Nietzsche believed that experiencing cruelty can help develop courage, fortitude, resilience, and the ability to be creative.
Are we ready to develop good qualities in ourselves and others through suffering?
Probably not. We already know the potentially dire consequences of experiencing abuse from others, including on physical and mental health, and we increasingly recognize the benefits of treating ourselves with compassion.
And the very idea that we have to suffer in order to develop raises more and more questions. Positive events in life – falling in love, having children, achieving a cherished goal – may well lead to personal development.
Learning through cruelty provokes abuse of power and selfish sadism.
Buddhism offers an alternative – in the form of an angry manifestation of compassion. True compassion, Buddhists believe, can take on confrontational forms that look like anger, but are not (for example, the compassion of angry deities).And then we enter into confrontation with others, acting in the name of love, protecting them from their own greed, hatred and fear.
Life can be cruel, truth can be cruel. But we can choose not to be cruel ourselves.
Do you know how to love? And hate? A few words about the harm of love and the benefits of hatred
They say that people in general do not know how to love and from this misfortunes and misfortunes happen, and from this humanity suffers as a whole, does not develop, and therefore we are still not in paradise ( or where anyone wants to be there).This is a delusion, forgive me for being categorical. Troubles, misfortunes and other misfortunes happen not because people do not know how to love, but because people do not know how to hate. How do you like this turn? But do not rush to draw conclusions and make value judgments – everything has its time. On the next 8 pages, I will try to describe in popular language some different (complex and not so complicated) psychological concepts, phenomena and views, without resorting to professional terminology.
I’ll start with love – do people really not know how to love? “To be able to love” – how is this to be understood at all? To begin with, I will say that “to be able to love” and “to love” are two big differences.I’ll use the food metaphor, hopefully this will make it clearer: you can be able to cook food, but not cook it. And you can think to yourself, “I can cook,” but any attempts to cook something lead, as a result, to something completely inedible, nauseous, or even worse – poisonous.
And if a person sincerely wanted to cook something good, tasty, edible and useful, but having received something opposite as a result of his actions, he will probably endanger self-criticism and self-esteem: “I am not good for anything, I am useless I am not capable, I am a nonentity “or, which is not much better, will expose others to criticism:” He / she does not understand anything about sausage scraps. “Well, similarly for love: “he / she is not able (to) love / accept love / be grateful”, etc.
However, in both cases, a person avoids reality and remains in the illusion of previous experience and inherited values. In the end, maybe he was trying to make something delicious from something completely inedible, or there was a catastrophic mistake in the recipe – instead of “1 tsp. salt “turned out to be” 1 kg. salt “. And instead of understanding what is happening, a person is in a hurry to draw conclusions (about himself or others) and make value judgments.
Has something become clearer about love? Probably not. Perhaps because in the three previous paragraphs everything was mixed – “flies with cutlets”, “people with horses” and “wolves with sheep.” So let’s start separating i.e. analyze. I will single out three main (I would even say fundamental) components in the context of which we will consider love: feelings, actions and evaluations. Of course, all three contexts are inextricably linked and one follows from the other, but for analysis and understanding you will have to separate.
Love as a feeling, as a feeling of oneself and one’s state, one’s current experiences and corresponding desires
Is there something “not to be able to” here? There are also sea variants – a person has many defensive reactions (repression, splitting off, projections, rationalizations, etc.), which are implemented in a million different ways. And almost all of these defenses are aimed at the fact that a person would feel something less, think about something less and remember, avoid a concrete (because painful) view of his problem.This “insensitivity” can manifest itself from mild deviations to such serious ones as complete loss of external sensations (complete indistinguishability of the taste of what is eaten, by analogy with food) and internal sensations (indistinguishability of hunger / satiety, by analogy with food). What problems this will lead to can be imagined by imagining the life of a person who does not know when he is full and / or when he is hungry and / or who does not distinguish the taste of what he eats.
And if a person, for example, successfully distinguishes between his sensations, but does not know what they are called, then teaching him the appropriate names is not difficult and fast.And having learned to name his feelings, a person will be able to start talking about it and communication with the environment will become meaningful. By analogy with food – if earlier, having received a bowl of salted soup, a person refused it, remained hungry, dissatisfied and could not say what was wrong, then, having learned to distinguish his feelings and name his feelings, he will be able to answer: “This soup is not for me to taste, because it is salty. ” Understanding your feelings (external, in response to external influence, or internal) and their naming makes the subsequent dialogue constructive and meaningful.
But if the problem is more serious than the absence of a name for sensations, then the correction takes on a completely different direction and the complexity of this process increases many times over, and the success decreases. If a person once received an overabundance of stimulation of a certain kind, then he may lose sensitivity to this stimulation at the physical / organic level: during hyperstimulation, one can lose sight, hearing, and other sensations. And with insufficient stimulation, the corresponding ability does not develop and, perhaps, will never develop again.And no matter how many attempts do not make here to teach a person to “feel correctly” – they will all end in failure. It is one thing to teach a person to name salinity / undersalt, which he feels, but does not know what to call, but quite another thing when a person has lost the ability to feel (differentiate) the same salinity or pungency (for example, in the case of an extensive and serious burn of the entire tongue).
So it turns out that two people with seemingly the same problem, but one needs a couple of sessions with a psychologist to correct it and, as a result, an excellent result, and the other has to walk for years, and the result is still far from the desired one.But, for example, everything is fine here and a person is aware of what he feels, can notice it, distinguish it and name it. is that enough?
Love as actions, concrete actions
There are two important components here: a “recipe” (a person’s idea of how to do / do the right thing in order to demonstrate their feelings and their attitude) and efforts to implement it (concrete work , time and effort spent). If there is a mistake in the recipe, then turning to any professional chef (psychologist, by analogy) for advice, you can easily find and correct this mistake ….But will it give the same instant result?
For example, if this recipe is something very significant for a person, especially valuable, then it is not so easy to change it, despite the seemingly glaring obviousness. This in the example with culinary recipes looks naive: “this recipe has been passed down in our family from generation to generation, this is a holy unbreakable relic” or “this recipe came to me from my beloved mom / dad / grandmother / grandfather / etc. – I cannot change it , because if I change him, then I will betray a loved one in my memory ”.
And in the case of a person’s ideas about “how to love correctly”, everything is not so obvious, especially when a person does not realize the personal significance of this “recipe with a mistake”. If a person has eaten food prepared according to this recipe since childhood and is so identified with this food (even if it is over (under) salty / over (under) fried / over (under) pepper), then the very idea of abandoning the usual recipe causes he has anxiety and / or fear of losing himself along with the loss of this habitual but terrible food.And in this situation, even having received instructions on mistakes in the recipe, the person still remains committed to the old recipe – yes, he already knows “where he goes wrong,” but does everything as before – steps on the same rake, going as before “Route of love” / “recipe for food”.
So it is not difficult and not long to find where the mistake is in the “recipe for love”. Correct the recipe – 30 minutes consultation. But it can take months and even years to realize the significance and value of the old recipe and allow yourself to disidentify with it, having gone through many fears and anxieties.And then you still need to spend a lot of effort to develop the habit of cooking according to a new recipe, overcoming the resistance of the old habit – this is also time and effort.
And again we get a situation where two people with seemingly the same problem – “a mistake in the recipe for love” (even when the wrong recipes repeat each other letter by letter) – have completely different results. So the first leaves after the session happy and easily changes his life for the better, and the second goes to the same result for many months, moreover, these are months of very unpleasant experiences of their fears and anxieties + many efforts to overcome old habits and form new ones.
And now the second component of love as action is actually work. Work and effort and resources and time that must be spent to take action. This is good for children – their love for their parents does not require work, and the love of parents for their child (ideally) does not require any work from the child. But this applies only to infantile love – the child loves and is loved and does nothing for this. But parents do a lot, do a lot, spend a lot of their energy, their time, their resources.Such is the redistribution of responsibility and the corresponding redistribution of expended forces, with a smooth adjustment of this balance as the child grows up.
But this is ideal, but in reality this does not always happen. Rather, it is even rare when it turns out to correctly redistribute and balance everything. As a result, “adult children” will appear who believe that love does not require any work and no effort, or “adult parents” carrying opposite attitudes – love is to give all of oneself without a trace without paying attention to oneself.As you might guess, such “adults” with opposite views on the “work of love” will find each other and mutually complement each other. Paradoxically, they both need each other in order to preserve such ideas about love. However, such an illusion of newfound love will dissipate relatively quickly (from several months to several years) and the harsh everyday life will confront such a couple with the inevitability of daily suffering. And they will be ready to suffer (until the strength and other resources run out), just not to give up their especially valuable, but unbalanced ideas about love and about themselves.
Nevertheless, they have a chance to reach an equal “balanced” position if they learn from each other. It is important: not to “teach each other,” but to “learn from each other,” and at the same time! One will have to learn to do something and create some values and thereby take responsibility, while the other will have to learn to do less, accept some values and thereby give responsibility. And it is possible to learn this. It is difficult, difficult, there will be many mistakes and painful moments, but you can learn this and, thus, “grow” to the adult love of two self-sufficient people.
But it sounds so simple in words, in reality everything is not so simple, and distortions in balancing responsibility can be difficult and it can be difficult to figure it out on your own. It is difficult because, being a part of the “family” system, it is impossible to see all the “family” processes – this is possible only from the outside. And here, it would seem, “a look from the outside”, namely from the side of moms and dads, grandparents, friends and girlfriends, colleagues and comrades – exactly what you need? Yes, that’s what you need, but only under one single condition – they do not constitute a system of relationships with you, for example, the system “I + parents” or “I + friend / girlfriend” or others.After all, if they are in systemic relations with you, then, being inside this system, they also do not notice much and do not even notice that they do not notice much – they remain in complete confidence that “I can see everything very well from the outside.” …
As you might guess, this condition is almost never met. This is especially evident in moments of redistribution of responsibility – when such people “outside the family” take responsibility for your feelings, actions or assessments. For example, when they tell you what you (should not) feel or want, how you (should not) react or interpret events, when they advise you how (not) to act and act, when they begin to give an assessment of right / wrong or bad / good.And, by the way, it is very difficult to learn not to take someone else’s responsibility, not to give assessments and life advice. Psychologists teach this, they teach it for a long time, for many, many years, and even then it is not always possible to guarantee success in this matter. Accidentally meeting a non-judgmental attitude in the “wild nature” of human relationships is a very unlikely event.
Love as an appraisal
The problem begins at the moment when feelings, rather than actions, can be judged. It is quite correct to evaluate a specific action – then a person has the opportunity to rethink his behavior and reassess the value system.When feelings are assessed, this is perceived as an immediate threat to the person himself, his being, his essence (since initially feelings are not separated from a person, he is identified with them). When a child is confronted with the fact that “your feeling is wrong and therefore I will not love you,” he has anxiety about losing the relationship of love, as well as his life – for the child this is identical and is fixed at the “genetic” level. And what is left to do for a child who is almost literally told “I don’t love you like that”? Only one thing – to stop being what he is.
And here, for the purpose of survival, he begins to use violence against himself – to forbid himself certain feelings, desires, views or actions. In general, he will do everything not to be himself. At the same time, the child assimilates such a model of attitudes towards himself as the only possible one, and even if years later the person who so evaluated him and frightened him with the threat of solidification is not there, the grown child will repeat this model in his relationship with himself. And already to itself not to allow itself to be itself.And the longing for the lost itself will not let go. And it’s also good if only melancholy – there are cases and much more serious.
But apart from evaluating oneself with love – to love oneself “right” and not to love oneself “wrong” – a person will reproduce the same model in relationships with others: to love and not love another not for his own sake, but for the sake of influencing another. Where do you think this relationship will lead? They will reproduce the horror that a child once experienced when he was evaluated with love and frightened with rejection – fear or anxiety will permeate not only a person “from the inside,” but also his entire being around him, making his life unbearable.You will want to escape from such an unbearable life. Someone will run away into various addictions, someone else – into oblivion (whether chemical or alcoholic), someone else – into death. Yes, you can also escape into death, and this is easier and faster than learning to live without evaluating your feelings, and without evaluating your feelings.
However, it is possible. It’s easy to say about it – a couple of minutes. You can even understand this in a couple of minutes. But it takes a lot of time to retrain yourself to treat yourself differently.Sometimes it is VERY long time, up to decades. This process can be significantly accelerated by simply observing how someone else is non-judgmental (whether to you or to someone else in your presence – both will affect, but in different ways). Remember where you can meet people with a non-judgmental attitude?
Summing up the problems of love
As you can see, at each of the three stages (feelings, actions, evaluation), a problem may arise that will affect the quality of life. Moreover, there can be problems at two stages at once, and at three at the same time, and not even several at each stage.And they are solved in different ways. The important thing is that in most cases they are resolved. It is also important that in some cases the solution is quick and effective, and in some it is long and unpleasant, even painful. With the soul, as well as with the body: sometimes aspirin helps with headaches and a plaster for pain in the leg, and sometimes they are sent for brain surgery with a headache, and for amputation with pain in the leg. Exaggerated, of course, but…. You should not draw conclusions and assumptions based only on the similarity of your symptoms with those of a neighbor / relative / friend or acquaintance.
However, the time has come to return to the beginning – can people love? My answer is that some can, some learn quickly, some unsuccessful and even successful attempts to love are expensive, and for some it is almost impossible. Well, what then is the point in generalization if there is no one simple, clear and unambiguous answer?
The point is that big problems for a person stem from the inability to love, but even bigger ones – from the inability to hate. What the life of a person who does not know how to love sometimes turns into is very sad and tragic.But what the life of a person (and his entire environment, close and not so) can turn into, who does not know how to hate, is just a disaster. Sometimes a catastrophe on a personal scale, and sometimes on a planetary scale.
Again, we recall the non-judgmental perception: the very feelings (like love, hatred, or any other) are neither good nor bad, and an attempt to evaluate them leads to very unpleasant consequences. Moreover, the “stigma” of the feeling of hatred – to much more serious consequences.Above, I demonstrated how a person’s inability to deal with such a “socially acceptable” feeling as love can end. If a person does not learn to deal with his hatred, the consequences will be, as I said, catastrophic. And love and hate are feelings that give a person a lot, a lot of energy, and what kind of work this energy will be spent on is still a question.
Can the actions that a person commits “out of love” be negatively assessed as bad? This happens all the time – starting from childhood, when a child from an overabundance of love creates something beautiful (in his understanding) as a gift to his parents, spoiling or destroying something valuable along the way, and it is on this loss that parents concentrate and evaluate accordingly child’s love.And in the behavior of more mature people, you can find many examples when actions “out of love” lead to very serious and tragic consequences, up to the death of a person. This is not a secret and will not be a discovery.
The problem of hatred
Can actions committed “out of hatred” be evaluated positively? Of course not all of them, nevertheless – yes, they are. But to prove this will be very problematic, since if a person was motivated by hatred, but in that way he received social recognition, then he will hide his motive, because hatred is not socially encouraged.Moreover, the more noticeable the recognition, the more carefully it is necessary to conceal the motive of hatred, if there was one – to the extent of hiding it from oneself, forgetting about it, pushing it out of one’s consciousness. Therefore, it will be very problematic to prove this statement. But this does not mean that it is wrong.
The next very important point: love is perfect for changing oneself – adapting, adjusting, changing, and hatred, accordingly, – to change your environment, surrounding space, the world around you.Of course, this is again just my assumption, which I cannot prove now, nevertheless … I see it as extremely ineffective and not environmentally friendly when a person directs the “energy of love” to change someone in his environment or change his space. Judge for yourself – if a person loves the space around himself or another person, then why change it? What’s the point of this? Rather, this suggests that perhaps he does not really love, or loves, but not a real person from his environment, but something else.And he is trying, thus, to modify the “wrong next to” so that it would correspond to “the correct representation within me, which I love.” In other words, placing a real person in the Procrustean bed of ideas about love, and cutting off all that is superfluous. Moreover, making this cut off profit, without anesthesia, and with words about boundless love for the one from whom the “excess” is now being cut off.
But hatred is just perfect as a source of energy for changing the space around a person and people in his environment.And no, this does not mean that a person should immediately begin to destroy his environment or hurt him – remember, you can start doing the same thing out of love. Hatred is still considered socially and personally unacceptable because no one has ever taught anyone to hate and use this energy for constructive, useful and socially acceptable purposes. However, hatred exists and is an integral experience of any person. But due to the widespread social and personal “stigma” of hatred, it is considered normal to isolate oneself from this feeling as much as possible.But this in no way helps a person to cope with it, and even more so to direct him into a constructive channel. Moreover, it leads to uncontrollable manifestations of hatred towards oneself (which destroys a person from the inside) or towards the environment.
And since all this (and feelings, and actions, and the assessment of hatred) is unpleasant for a person, he strives to avoid responsibility for them. And he will gladly delegate it to those who will use their personal hatred for their own selfish purposes. Gather and lead a couple of dozen people who do not know how to deal with their hatred, avoid responsibility for it and impatiently delegate it to you – and now they are already enthusiastically organizing pogroms at the behest of only your subtle hints.A couple of hundred is already a rally, a couple of thousand is already a revolution. And one eighth of the country is already a war.
So tell me now, please – if people knew how to hate, would not avoid responsibility for their hatred, would be able to direct it into a constructive channel by consciously changing the surrounding space and would not allow someone else to guide their hatred – what would become peace then? ..
That’s actually all I wanted to say. Hatred is not something terrible that needs to be “branded and burned out” or with which it is necessary to fight.On the contrary, it is precisely this struggle that leads to such sad consequences that are attributed to hatred. You can understand, accept, and learn to deal with your hatred. Yes, doing this will be even harder than learning to love. But therefore, this task is no less, and maybe even more important. In addition, a significant part of the “problems of love” finds its solution only through an adequate deal with their hatred. I will end with a simple wish: learn to love and take responsibility for your love – this will help you change yourself for the better, learn to hate and take responsibility for your hatred – this will help you change the world for the better.
Psychology why a person experiences feelings of hatred. How to get rid of hate
FEELING OF HATE
– RED color – anger.
– Bright red color – wildness, extreme jealousy.
– Scarlet color – irritability
Ancient Chinese medicine associated liver disease with anger, increased irritability. Modern medicine claims that it is in this organ that anger, irritation, anger, hatred, and primitive feelings are localized.
– Red – brown color – sensuality and greed.
Negative emotions experienced towards another person create chakra bindings.
Muladhara (base chakra) – fear, aggression.
Svadhisthana (sex chakra) – lust, obsession.
Manipura (navel chakra) – submission, or vice versa, the desire for power.
Anahata (heart chakra) – love and hate.
Vishuddha (throat chakra) – striving for self-realization.
Ajna (frontal chakra) – attachments to what a person considers to be true, principles and attitudes.
Sahasrara (crown chakra) – attachments to egregors.
“There is no fire greater than passion; there is no misfortune greater than hatred; there is no misery greater than the body; there is no happiness equal to calmness in desires”
Neglect, contempt, bias, mockery, ridicule, causticity, irony are all manifestations of hatred.
… Hate flares up over and over. She is insatiable like lust and greed. She can temporarily retreat, but then returns with a vengeance. If a father does not like someone, his children also begin to hate this person, for no reason, because he did not harm them.Such is the power of hatred. Sometimes one recollection of an old offender who insulted a person forty years ago causes the latter to flare up with hatred.
Hatred is reinforced by repeated manifestations of hatred. Hatred cannot be defeated by hatred, it is destroyed only by love. This ailment requires a long and persistent treatment, as it puts deep roots in the subconscious. It lurks in the most unexpected corners of the soul.
The Englishman hates the Irishman, and the Irishman the Englishman. A Catholic hates a Protestant, and a Protestant hates a Catholic.This is enmity between peoples and religions. Sometimes a person at first sight, for no reason, begins to hate another. This hatred can come from previous incarnations. In our world, ordinary people do not know what pure love is. Selfishness, envy, greed and lust are the companions of hatred. During the Kali Yuga period, hatred increases.
It is necessary to cultivate pure, unselfish love. All living beings contain a single I. Why be angry with others? How can you treat them with contempt? Why divide and seek differences? Realize the unity of life and consciousness! Feel the Spirit of Oneness (Atman) everywhere.Rejoice, radiate peace and love.
In my first battle of power, I faced my enemies in the fog.
– But you have no enemies.
You don’t hate people.
– It was in me.
My hatred of people was a way for me to indulge my weakness.
Now this is not.
I conquered hatred in myself, but in that first battle of power, it almost destroyed me …
Power is a very strange, magical thing.
In order to fully possess and command her, you must first acquire a certain amount of strength, sufficient to start.
It is possible, however, to do it in another way: gradually accumulate strength, not using it in any way until you have enough strength to withstand the battle.
K. Castaneda. Travel to Ixtlan.
Hate is extreme manifestation of rejection
Let’s break the word “hate” into its components – not – on – I see
. It turns out that, by hating, we mentally get rid of the person: “I don’t see you anymore.” That is, you are no longer there. How often do we say: “My eyes would not have seen you” or “I do not want to see you.”That is, not wanting to see a person is also hatred.
There is one more manifestation of hatred – indifference and indifference. This is the same hatred, only suppressed. If you have a feeling of indifference towards someone, it means that once you hated this person, but did not forgive, thank him and did not realize how you attracted him into your life. And now this hatred in the form of indifference sits deep in the subconscious and poisons your life.
Hatred at the energetic level is not just a wish for death, but it is already a murder.The first epistle from John the Theologian says: “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer …” And such a program of destruction necessarily unfolds against the author himself and turns into a program of self-destruction.
Hate leads to very serious diseases. First of all, she “hits” on the head and eyes. Epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, paralysis, head injuries and trauma in general, migraines, eye diseases, tumors, severe skin diseases can be the result of hatred
… In fact, people destroy each other on a subconscious level, and then they wonder why there is so much violence in the world.
If a person has several gallstones, then he hates several people. The more a person has to keep a smile, hiding anger in his soul, the more he has to pretend, the more often kidney stones occurs.
The nature of the problem or illness depends on the strength and direction of the hatred. For example, if a man hates a woman, then his “manhood” suffers. Everything is very simple. After all, in every person there is a masculine and feminine principle of the Universe. And by directing his hatred to the woman, the man destroys himself.The man has been suffering from prostatitis for several years. Sexual weakness already appears. No medications and procedures help. And the reason for the illness is in his hatred and contempt for his wife, in his desire to take revenge on her for her betrayal. If a woman despises and hates a man, then she receives a “blow” to her genitals. For a long time, the wife takes offense and hates her husband for his immoral behavior, for insults. After a while, she is found to have a tumor of the uterus. Children who hate their parents suffer themselves from an unsettled personal life and receive the same attitude of their children towards themselves.The daughter condemns and hates the alcoholic father. And the father is for the girl the embodiment of the masculine principle of the Universe. In her subconscious, a program for the destruction of men has been operating since childhood. She is growing up and getting married. First marriage – unsuccessful – divorce. From the first marriage, a girl is born (boys will simply not be viable). The second marriage is also unsuccessful. And from the second husband, a girl is also born. A woman tries to build a family with another man, and even lives with him for a while. But then the relationship ends.And her daughters are growing up and marrying men who drink, insult and beat them. The program of hatred towards men, laid down by the mother, acting in the subconsciousness of the descendants, returns back with reciprocal aggression.
If a person hates a group of people, society, country, then not only himself, but also his children will suffer. Hatred is a powerful program to destroy whoever it is directed against. In children, this program is amplified many times over. A man who hates scoundrels, scoundrels, got a drug addict’s son.A woman who hates people got a murderer son.
Hate, as a mode of behavior, also has a positive intention. If you hate the government for its actions, then with your hatred you want to destroy this government so that another one would come in its place that would meet your requirements. After all, you want to live in a fair, highly moral state in which you would be respected. If you hate your neighbor for his meanness, then you want to destroy him so that justice reigns.If someone wants to take your money, then you start to hate that person. You want to save your money. If someone “takes away” your beloved / beloved, then you hate this person, are ready to destroy him. If you hate a loved one, it means that he has humiliated, insulted or offended you so much that you are ready to kill him. And you kill him. Only mentally.
Hatred as a derivative of
This is the desire to put your feelings, your morality, justice and decency above all else.But the higher you ascend, the more painful it will fall. And in general, on what basis do you think that your model of the world, your worldview is true? Your worldview is just one point of view on Reality out of several billions. And each point of view deserves respect. And even more so, how can you make the world a better and cleaner world with hate-driven murder? This is absurd! There is nothing bad and dirty in this world. God created a clean and beautiful world. It is necessary to accept the idea that this world is very harmonious and fair.And indeed it is. After all, everyone is rewarded according to his thoughts and actions, according to his faith. Everyone creates his own world. This idea is difficult for some people to accept. It is very difficult for them to abandon their old beliefs and principles.
Doctor, are you suggesting that I speak in “black”, what is “white”?
– the patient, an elderly man suffering from a serious illness, is indignant.
– How can I approve of the actions of a thief who stole the last money from a pensioner, or the actions of our government, which has robbed millions of people?
“I am not forcing you to approve of the actions of thieves, crooks and murderers,” the doctor replies.- I propose to accept the idea that the Universe is very harmonious and fair, and start seeing this in your life.
If a thief stole money from a pensioner, it means that she herself, attracted him into her life, with her thoughts. Maybe she felt sorry for her neighbor, a poor pensioner. Or maybe she despised or hated the rich. It was with these thoughts and feelings that she attracted the thief.
Who is to blame? There is nobody. It’s just that everyone got their own thoughts. The higher power, the Universe, taught the pensioner through a thief the correct attitude to money.
You may disapprove of the thief’s actions, but you shouldn’t blame him either. Wish each of them good luck on their path in life: a pensioner – to handle money correctly, and a thief – to take care of his material well-being in other, positive ways.
– But what about the murder, and even innocent children?
– A child attracts a murderer into his life because even before incarnation his soul decided to work off some part of his karma in this way, this can also be a lesson for people who will be associated with this murder.
– Doctor! With all due respect to you, everything you say does not fit in my head. And to be more honest, this is all nonsense. You give me a medicine that will cure me – that’s all. And I don’t want to change anything. Even in the face of death, I will not betray my principles.
– Well, then I can hardly help you. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.
How strongly and deeply certain dogmas and principles have been implanted in us, which bring pain and suffering into our lives. And we unconditionally accepted them on faith, without even trying to doubt their justice.
If you want to be healthy and have healthy offspring – free yourself from hatred. To do this, take responsibility for your world! Start with yourself. Change your thoughts and your behavior – and the world around you will change. New thoughts will create new situations. Learn to accept! Accept yourself, other people, your life and destiny. Respect yourself and others! When you show respect for others, you respect yourself first and foremost. Learn to approve and praise! Strive to notice in people only the good, the positive, the useful.Remember that every person has any quality. And if your thoughts are pure, then people will show you their best sides.
If you want to change the world around you and people, you can use violence. There is such a way. This is a very good way. Good for making your life and the lives of your children miserable. And if you take responsibility for using this particular method, then remember the consequences that will be. According to one of the laws of the Universe – like attracts like – your hatred will attract retaliatory violence into your life.
The outside world is my world, and I create it myself, then, by changing my worldview, I change my world, and therefore the world around me.
If you want to change those around you, change yourself. Then there will be no complaints against anyone – after all, everything depends on you.
One of the strongest and most destructive human feelings is hatred. It has many faces, it can be expressed in different ways.
But no matter what kind of hatred takes possession of a person, it will certainly eat away at him from the inside, not give rest to those around him, and poison their lives.
Of course, there are reasons for this negative feeling, but it is not always possible to find them on your own. If you don’t have the strength or desire to fight it, you may need the help of a specialist. Otherwise, mental disorders, manias can occur, and serious negative consequences, even crimes, can occur.
This feeling is expressed quite clearly, it is impossible not to notice it. There is a desire to inflict hate
as much bad as possible, even to the point of destruction.
There is joy from his sufferings, failures, misfortunes.
May target specific individuals. Expression “ from love to hate one step
“did not arise by chance. Indeed, if a person for whom strong love was experienced, for some reason did not live up to expectations, betrayed, hatred may arise. She does not allow a person to take up the arrangement of his personal life, all the time and energy is directed only to do something bad to the offender, to ruin his life.
This feeling can occur not only in adults. Childish Hatred
also holds. Psychologists often have to deal with the “ feeling of Cain
“. A child who loved his parents very much suddenly begins to hate them after the appearance of a brother or sister, who are given more attention.
There are also such types of pathologies as misogamy
– aversion to marriage, misandry
– woman’s hatred of men, misogeny
– hatred of men for women.Such forms do not give a person the opportunity to start a family. Reasons for the occurrence of these types of hatred
several. In some cases, they take roots from childhood, when one of the parents by their behavior aroused childish hatred
. Sometimes this is a consequence of the wrong behavior of a single mother, who, from early childhood, tries to instill in her daughter a dislike for men and marriage.
Types of hatred such as misosanthropy are not uncommon.
– dislike of a sick person to healthy people, misopedia
– hatred of children, even their own, misazonia
– animal hatred, misanthropy
– hatred of people.
Whatever the form of hatred, you should know that the more educated a person is, the less chances for such a feeling to appear. In addition, you cannot obey him, give free rein. And know that fighting hatred is not only possible but necessary.
Hatred is one of the strongest human feelings, it is capable of destroying not only the object it is directed at, but also burns from within the person himself. We are all familiar with the negative emotions caused by anger and resentment, so we think about how to get rid of hatred . Falling into her power, and acting under the influence of feelings raging in the soul, people are able to destroy their lives.
What to do in such a situation, how to break out of the vicious circle, get rid of anger and self-reflection, how to forgive and continue living? Many people come to psychologists with such questions, exhausted by the constant struggle they have to wage with themselves. In this article we will talk about how to get rid of hatred, regain peace of mind and return to your old life.
In order to get rid of hatred, you need to understand what kind of feeling it is and where it came from.So, the feeling of hatred reflects disgust, hostility to the object or its rejection. Often the smallest and insignificant events that are suggested from outside are the cause of hatred.
It can be concluded that people feel the need for hatred and hostility. Initially, the mechanism for the manifestation of anger is associated with the need to free yourself from aggression, throw out your feelings and heal.
Sometimes hatred exists as a separate psychological mechanism, from which a person can receive not only harm, but also benefit, depending on the ability to control his feelings and emotions.
Hatred leads to internal rebellion due to external circumstances that we cannot accept, and if a person does not pour out the accumulated aggression, then it eats away at the personality from the inside and destroys the psyche. In fact, hatred is resentment, only in a more concentrated and harsh form.
In order to understand where hatred came from, it is necessary to understand how we relate to people, what kind of person can we respect or love? Many should understand that no one owes us anything, so do not expect too much from others and do not demand more than you yourself are willing to give.
We often begin to hate people who simply do not live up to our expectations. In this case, hatred is a reflection of our weakness and helplessness. Only strong and generous people can forgive.
In order to get rid of hatred, you need to cultivate tolerance, learn to respect the feelings of others, and not project your dissatisfaction onto them. Experts also associate the emergence of hatred with self-guilt, lack of fulfillment and the inability to solve problems on their own.The negative that accumulates in the soul for a long time breaks out at one moment, and any trifle can provoke an explosion.
When hatred arises, look for the reason in yourself, tune in a positive mood, try to achieve harmony. In the soul of a happy and self-satisfied person, there is no place for anger and hatred. Learn to forgive yourself and others, do not accumulate resentment, do not judge – people are not perfect, they often make mistakes and hurt.
See also Self-love, self-rejection is the cause of suffering for many people.Self-dislike gives rise to uncertainty in one’s own strengths and capabilities, uncertainty in attractiveness and in the fact that a person can be in demand, interesting and needed by other people.
Accept them as they are – forgiving them you get rid of the negativity that destroys your life. Spend more time with friends and family, travel and get positive emotions – it distracts and helps to achieve harmony and tranquility.
Hatred often spills out with anger and resentment, so we get rid of negative emotions and anger, cleanse the soul and heal.By suppressing our aggressiveness, we drive emotions and feelings inside, which leads to dissatisfaction, fatigue and illness. Psychology offers several ways to get rid of hatred, which will not harm others and will help to throw out negative emotions.
Allow yourself to get angry
Do not forbid experiencing anger and resentment – these are the same natural feelings as joy or love. Take a pillow and pour out all your anger on it, hit it until you exhale and feel better.
You can still write a letter of hate. Put all your anger and resentment into each letter, pressing down on the handle with force to get rid of negative emotions, then burn it. It helps some when they lock themselves in a car or room and scream alone until they run out of breath.
Take a break
To deal with your feelings, take a deep breath and count to ten, or take a walk in the park. Sometimes washing dishes or doing laundry helps.When you understand that you are about to break loose and say too much, mentally take water in your mouth.
Do not allow yourself to be shouted at
Do not hold a grudge in yourself, make it clear to the person that you do not like the way he talks to you or acts. Say openly, “I don’t like you yelling at me,” or “Don’t talk to me that way,” or, “Don’t do this to me, I don’t deserve it.”
There are situations when it is impossible to openly express resentment, then simulate the situation through the mirror.Imagine in the mirror the person you hate and express what you think, and after the anger has passed, try to forgive him. Forgiveness frees you from hate and aggression.
Get rid of indoor units
A simple exercise will help restore mental balance. Calm down, do not think about anything, relax your facial muscles and imagine how they get heavy and “flow” down. Now imagine that your lips begin to part in a smile, and soon you will feel that you are actually starting to smile and feel joy.
Usually, in order to solve a problem, you need to realize it, so first analyze the situation, figure out what really happened and if you are not demanding more from others than they are ready to give.
Hatred as a personality trait – a tendency to intense, prolonged manifestation of rejection, disgust for a person, group, inanimate object, phenomenon.
An old martial artist decided never to fight again.But one day he was nevertheless challenged to battle by one impudent young warrior, who believed that he was much more skillful and stronger. However, the old master just sat and did not react to the impudent person. Then the warrior began to insult him and his ancestors in order to provoke the master, but this did not help him either. In the end, the young warrior despaired and left. The disciples of the master were surprised by the actions of their teacher, many began to condemn him: “Is your honor and the honor of your ancestors not dear to you?” Then the old master said: “When you are given a gift and you do not accept it, who then owns this gift?” – “Of course to the one who gives it!” “It’s the same with envy, anger and hatred.If we do not accept them, they remain with the giver. ”
There are many songs about love, but not a single one about hatred. Really not a single kind word was found in defense of this strong and deep personality trait? After all, as V. Vysotsky wrote: “Hatred – the cup is overflowing with it, Hatred demands a way out, waits. But our noble hatred. Lives next to love. ” When the whole country sang: “Let noble fury boil like a wave,” everyone understood how important an irreconcilable hatred of the enemy was for victory.Therefore, a number of questions arise: what is hatred, what are the reasons for its occurrence, is it a positive or destructive quality, how does hatred affect a person, is it worth to welcome hatred or to fight it.
Ozhegov’s Dictionary of the Russian Language defines hatred as: “A feeling of intense enmity and disgust.” According to Ozhegov, to hate is to resist, act and relate to other people, things, situations, feeling disgust, intolerance, hostility towards them. Hatred can manifest itself in three directions: towards humanity and towards people, towards things and situations, towards oneself.
In simple terms, hatred is an irreconcilable contradiction between our idea of something or the vision of something and what is in reality. In our dual world, the opposite of hatred is love. They have different poles. Hate is the other side of love. If we love peace, then we hate war. If we hate disorder, then we love order. In other words, we hate everything that is opposite to love. When our requirements for life, beliefs and ideas about something are strikingly different from reality, an irreconcilable contradiction will arise.The contradiction can be resolved by removing the potential tension. The consequence of hatred can be struggle, hostilities, revenge, intrigue, etc.
For example, a person hates terrorism. He is convinced of the inadmissibility of killing innocent citizens. He can’t imagine how the earth can carry such geeks. A person’s personality, his inner world show an extreme rejection of terrorists. He does not want to see them on earth, that is, he hates. If you decompose the word “hate” into its components, it will turn out – not – on – I see.Such qualities as mercy, compassion are inherent in a person, and life in the person of terrorists exposes the reality expressed in the misanthropy and religious fanaticism of terrorists. A gaping chasm forms between external realities (external potential) and human requirements (internal potential). This abyss is hatred.
We looked at an example of hatred on political material. Now let’s look at the emergence of this negative feeling from the standpoint of interpersonal relationships.For example, a wife is brought up in the traditions of a strong, close-knit family based on love, devotion and fidelity to each other. Her inner potential is love and care for each other. Accordingly, she does not accept, or rather, hates, debauchery, betrayal and lies in the family. Her husband is from a different test. For a time he played the role of an exemplary family man, but he met another woman and left the family, leaving his wife with two children. The usual, I must say, history. If the wife had a life position not very different from her husband’s views on the family, the separation could pass without powerful spiritual upheavals.The fact is that she loved her husband, and his treachery shook her to the core. The external realities associated with her husband’s betrayal and flight correspond to her internal requirements, as Gulliver corresponds in height to midgets. The global potential gap has sparked burning hatred. It is rightly said that there is only one step from love to hate. Perhaps, over time, the hatred will subside, and perhaps it will lead to sad consequences.
Many people live with self-loathing and consider it normal.There are a lot of reasons to hate oneself: an ugly appearance, an inferiority complex, humiliation from others, etc. For example, a girl has developed certain ideas about her appearance. She may consider herself flawed and ugly, although this is far from the case. In other words, her internal requirements are clearly underestimated by her own subconscious. After watching fashion magazines and listening to talkative friends, she realized that life was passing by and there was no place for her at the celebration of life. The external potential, which took the guise of countless photo models, began to sneer at her internal potential.On it, she looks like a nondescript, downtrodden creature without a present and a future. The imposed images of thinness bring the girl to nervous breakdowns, depression and just absurdities. For some reason, she thinks that if she has a drop of “fat” then no one will love her and no one will need her. How can you not hate yourself? After all, you can’t erase the gigantic difference in potentials with a rag?
Hatred can be latent. She is extremely dangerous and difficult to escape from. Hidden hatred is directed not at the people who actually caused it, but at any “scapegoat”
. Turning into various kinds of perversion, it can persist throughout life and pose a serious threat not only to the people around, but also to the person who carries it in himself. For example, a person does not remember how his parents treated him when he was a child, how they left him crying for many hours in a crib, how he did not receive even a loving look from them. “Nobody loves me. This world is bad, ”the child thought. Every day he became more and more bitter against the world.As an adult, he, of course, forgot about his dislike of the world. However, the subconscious remembered everything. Unknowingly, he billed the world. He put into his external potential all the lost love and care of the world, all the grievances and sorrows of childhood. Between what he wanted to get in childhood and what he really got, a giant crack has formed in the subconscious. This crack has become the reason for the latent hatred of people and the world in general. A person can himself suffer from a latent form of hatred, direct it against all living things and not guess about its true reasons.As O. Mandelstam wrote: “I hate humanity. I am running from it in a hurry. My single fatherland is My desert soul …”
Hatred is always consequence
of our thoughts and actions in creating an irreconcilable contradiction between our vision and perception of something and what is in reality. Since we have an understanding of the roots of hatred, which consists in forging antagonism between our internal and external potential, let us ask ourselves the questions: “If hatred is a consequence, then what is its cause?”, “Who is to blame that the feeling of hatred has settled in our soul and is registered? ”
We must be honest with ourselves and admit that the reason for hatred is ourselves
.We must take responsibility and say: “For everything that happens in my life, I and only I are responsible. If something that I hate has appeared in my life, it means that I myself have attracted it into my life. ” Indeed, if with our thoughts we attach excessive importance to something, pay increased attention to it, it will inevitably be attracted into our life.
So, if you live in constant fear that your car will be stolen, if your thoughts are focused on this sad scenario of theft, the forces of the universe can only agree with you.On an energetic level, it makes no difference to them whether you want it or not. The main thing is that you are concentrating on car theft. You yourself attracted the hijackers into your life. Why hate them? God is God, Caesar is Caesar. Nobody justifies the hijackers – they have their own destiny and their own responsibility. They treat you without hatred, and maybe with gratitude for giving them the opportunity to earn money. It is you who hate them, because your inner potential does not fit into the outer potential of real life.
We ourselves generate hatred. Out of my ears I hear a crying girl on TV complaining: “I married an Arab. I loved him so much, and he treated me so badly. Hate him!”. It turns out that she came to his homeland, and there are a dozen more wives. Now she believes that he did wrong to her. Bad deed is a geographic concept. If her fellow countryman did this, one would be surprised, but for an Arab such a marriage is quite a noble act. In his homeland, women are much more numerous than men.Every woman wants to have a family and children. He undertakes to take care of her and their children together. What’s wrong with that? So they have it. Why hate him? The reason for the girl’s hatred is the antagonism of her ideas about marriage with a harem life. Who prevented her from inquiring about the laws and rules of marriage life in his country? If you want to be the only one for your husband, marry a guy who only accepts a monogamous marriage.
Often, hatred arises from a misunderstanding of the rules by which this or that organization functions.An unusually talented person works in a large government structure. All his colleagues see this and think that he will become their boss. He thinks so too. However, a person with the most ordinary qualities is appointed to the position. The difference between the internal potential of a person and the external potential of the promoted person is so striking that hatred of a successful colleague flares up in him. The reason for hatred is in a talented person. He must understand that a large structure does not need outstanding personalities who do not know what they will do at one time or another, but obedient, loyal performers.Any large structure needs not the best, but the most correct members. To get a position, a person needs to be not the best, but the best among the right members of the structure. In a word, again, the reason for hatred is not external circumstances (structure, successful colleague), but the person himself.
If we ourselves are the primary source of hatred, its cause, what grounds do we have to fight, take revenge and resist the object of so-called hatred? He has exactly the same rights to life as you do.At the energetic level, hatred appears not as a simple wish for death, but as murder. The first letter from John the Theologian says: “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer …”. With our hatred, we declare the primacy of our worldview over other people. At the same time, we do not want to understand that there are still seven billion worldviews on the planet. All of them do not coincide with your worldview. So, will you order everyone to kill? In a word, on a subconscious level, you destroy the object of hatred.
You may ask indignantly: “But what about pedophiles, maniacs and murderers of children? Maybe kiss them? ” No, you don’t need to kiss them. First of all, you need to think about why your destinies crossed. It is impossible to understand the laws of the world without taking into account all kinds of connections, analysis of cause-and-effect relationships. For example, you could, as an option, attract a murderer into your life with applications like: “It’s impossible to live like this!”, “Not life, but a nightmare.” You can bring trouble upon yourself with wishes: “Let you die”, “Let your blood burn you,” etc.Like attracts like. Your children are a kind of piggy banks of their parents’ aggression. Moreover, the aggression accumulated by them far exceeds yours. If you are riddled with hatred, your children have a greater responsibility, as they have an enhanced program to destroy the object of hatred. If you hate people, you can easily get a murderer son.
In order to eradicate hatred, it is necessary, first of all, to stop justifying it
. Many people believe that there is a kind of law of the preservation of hatred in nature, that if you stop hating the one who did you badly, you begin to hate yourself, that hatred is a manifestation of our vitality, that if a person is deprived of hatred, it will be the amputation of all his emotional life.They are trying to prove that hatred can be not only destructive, but also a creative feeling like love. All these are attempts to whitewash hatred, without making it difficult to analyze the true essence of this strong and deep feeling. A superficial vision within the framework of rejection – hatred – punishment does not reveal the essence of the problem.
All defenders of hatred should know the consequences of this feeling. Feeling a feeling of hatred, we throw out a powerful charge of negative energy into space. The uncontrolled expenditure of energy, first of all, “hits” the head and eyes.Epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, paralysis, head injuries and trauma in general, migraines, eye diseases, tumors, severe skin diseases can be the result of hatred. The nature of the problem or illness depends on the strength and direction of the hatred. For example, if a man hates a woman, then his “manhood” suffers. Everything is very simple. After all, in every person there is a masculine and feminine principle of the Universe. And by directing his hatred to the woman, the man destroys himself. If a woman despises and hates a man, then she receives a “blow” to her genitals.
Since we know that hatred is an antagonism of potentials, therefore, its life support depends on the tension of the contradiction between potentials. How can we influence potentials? Our inner potential depends on the qualities of our personality. It entirely depends on how we measure the world, people and ourselves. Our inner potential is a base value, a starting point. The more real life deviates from it, the stronger the contradiction. When it becomes antagonistic, hatred is born.In the pair “internal – external potentials” we are interested in our reaction to external potential. If we are able to eliminate the excessive importance and significance of this potential, then we do not give hatred a chance of birth.
Let’s say that we watch the events of our life with a detachment, trying not to attach excessive importance to anything. We, like a spectator, observe the theater of life, but we ourselves do not step on the stage, no matter how they ask us. From the standpoint of healthy indifference, we look at all situations in life.Even if something negative has happened, we do not think about what we have lost, but what we will gain in the future. For example, they stole a car, but: “Now I will walk – train my heart”, but “I will lose weight”, but “I will not spend money on gasoline.” With this approach, you will not raise the importance of external potential. There will be no grounds for hatred. If you’ve hated your appearance before, work with your outer potential. Try to convince yourself of the falsehood of your assessments and self-loathing.Therefore, it is possible to prevent the emergence of hatred through the control of potentials
. The control is to eliminate the importance of their parameters.
It is well known that one cannot live in society and be free from society. We all, willingly or unwillingly, defend the interests of certain structures: the state, army, party, corporation, church, club, etc. The enemies of the structure are our enemies. In most cases, we are only conductors of the hatred of others. We can have friends and acquaintances with different political views and passions.But when the fateful moments come, we are ready to destroy each other in hatred. The hatred of structures seethes in us. A fan of a soccer club can kill a fellow guy from another club. If you ask him in court if he hated that guy, the killer will be extremely surprised and most likely say: “How can you hate a person when I didn’t even know him.”
Think about it and ask yourself questions: “How much hatred is there in me
? ” See for yourself how much superficial hatred you have.Think about which structure is interested in your hate. It’s one thing when your hate and hate structures coincide on mutual conviction. This was the case, for example, with an individual soldier and a state during the Great Patriotic War. It is quite another matter when you are a slave to a structure, its spreader of hatred. By the way, in order to fight well, hatred is not needed. She is only a hindrance for a warrior. A wise warrior achieves his goal without being guided by either love or hatred. Your task is not to get involved in the struggle for other people’s interests.
Hatred tightly chains us to the hated object
. We cannot live without an object that we hate. Until we accept what we hate, it will haunt us. We hate scammers, they will follow us on our heels. We hate gypsies, they will find you everywhere. Hate alcoholics, they will fall on you on the street, or worse, children will become alcoholics. We will become free of them when we accept them and thereby destroy our hatred.
Khrushchev, a werewolf, felt pathological hatred for Stalin.To dance a hopak and at the same time to hate fiercely everyone who sees it was the essence of this bastard. Nikolai Starikov writes: “Khrushchev’s hatred of everything Stalinist manifested itself even in the smallest detail. While resting at Stalin’s dacha on Lake Ritsa, in Abkhazia, he refused to live in the rooms where Joseph Vissarionovich had lived before. And even ordered to attach to the house for himself a completely separate room, the size of the dacha itself.
During the war, a very unpleasant story happened to Khrushchev’s son. And since Stalin approached everyone, including his children, with one yardstick, he also did not make an exception for Khrushchev’s son.Here is how Vyacheslav Molotov talks about it: – Khrushchev was in his heart an opponent of Stalin. Stalin – everything and everyone, but in the soul is different. Personal bitterness pushes him to any steps. Anger at Stalin for the fact that his son was in such a position that he was actually shot. After such anger, he goes to any lengths to stain the name of Stalin. – Nikita refused his son, right? – Yes … – His son was like a traitor. This also speaks of him. A good politician who even has a son …
Major General M.S. Dokuchaev, Hero of the Soviet Union, former deputy head of the 9th Directorate of the KGB of the USSR (the famous “nine” responsible for ensuring the security of the highest state leaders of the USSR), spoke about what had happened. This story was cited in his book “Father’s Revenge” by NA Zenkovich. In early March 1943, Lieutenant General Khrushchev, who was then a member of the Military Council of the Southwestern Front, phoned Stalin from the front. I asked for a personal meeting. Stalin agreed. What Khrushchev was going to talk about was clear in advance.His son Leonid shot the major while drunk. According to the laws of wartime, this crime was supposed to be shot. At the same time, Khrushchev’s son had previously “dabbled” in weapons, and then Stalin went to meet Nikita Sergeevich’s request and the case against Leonid was dropped. Stalin said: I was informed about what happened to your son. I had no doubt that we would have a meeting and talk about your son … I would very much like to help you, but I am powerless to do so. Once I gave up my conscience, went to meet you and asked the court to pardon your son.But he did not reform and committed another, similar to the first, grave crime. My conscience and the grief of the people who have become victims of your son’s criminal actions do not allow me to violate the laws for the second time. In the current situation, I can not help you with anything. Your son will be brought to trial in accordance with Soviet laws. ”
Hatred does not appear spontaneously. It starts with anger. And if anger and anger are feelings inherent in nature, then anger and hatred are the creation of man.To better understand the difference between these feelings, you need to consider each of them separately.
- Anger and anger
– feelings that arise, as a rule, on the basis of injustice. Such emotions are quite acceptable, as they force the subject to take certain measures related to improving the quality of life. They differ from each other only in the intensity with which they are experienced by the subject.
- Anger and hatred
– long-term and dissatisfied feeling of anger and disgust.It can manifest itself both in relation to certain living beings and to the world as a whole. As in the previous case, they differ from each other in the intensity with which they are experienced by the subject.
How hate affects a person
Any emotions, depending on their quality, affect the human body.
The highest qualities are possessed by bright feelings, such as: love, kindness and gratitude. Feelings with the lowest qualities are bitterness and hatred. It is low-quality emotions that can harm a person, including:
- Prolonged depression.
- Detachment from the usual life in society.
- Development of diseases in different organs of the body.
- Mental disorders due to dissatisfaction with oneself.
- Cutting off ties with family and friends.
- Failure at work and in personal life.
- Loss of desire and opportunities for self-realization.
Anger at the world and people
A similar hatred is manifested in people who have created an insurmountable gap between the desired vision of the world and society, and the world that it is in reality.Also, this negative emotion manifests itself in relation to a certain layer of society, united by common characteristics. Usually, the following people feel hatred:
- Unrealized as individuals.
- Unrealized as specialists in a particular field.
- Lack of love in childhood and adulthood.
- Limited or deprived of something.
Hatred towards a specific person
It is possible to hate a particular person for quite understandable reasons.
For example, consider aversion to an ex-husband. Let’s say a woman hates her ex because of his addiction to alcohol, uncivilized speech, or disrespect for her. Perhaps he beat her or somehow suppressed her potential in some other way. In this case, her negative attitude towards this person is quite understandable. But in reality, this woman hates not only the actions of the beater. She hates the dream of a perfect marriage and a perfect husband that he shattered.
Consider also the bitterness towards the boss.He is rude, overwhelms with work, never thanks, deprives of prizes and in general is completely unfair. Even so, the subordinate does not just hate the personality of the boss. This negative feeling concerns the same shattered dream. In this case, the personal vision of the ideal job does not coincide in any way with reality. Directly or indirectly, a person blames the boss for this, so he becomes a subject of hatred.
And if anger in this case stimulates a person to search for better options for life, then hatred does everything differently.
Hatred consumes completely. It leads to an obsession with the subject to whom negative feelings are experienced. And this condition is fraught with serious consequences.
Considered the most dangerous. It can be hidden, or it can be explicit.
Often manifests itself together with hatred for a specific person, for example, for the same ex. In this case, the woman hates herself for her weakness, inability to fight back, indecision, etc.Subconsciously, she blames herself as much as she consciously blames her ex-husband.
Assumes that a person is disgusting with their appearance, physical data, mental abilities, etc. Most often, self-loathing appears on the basis of children’s complexes. And often the parents themselves are to blame. Even the most common comment “you are disgusting” can seriously harm a child. These words, repeated many times, make the child think that he is disgusting.After all, parents are the main authorities in a child’s life, and they are always right. Therefore, a parent should understand the importance of each non-forest word spoken to his son or daughter.
Determining the cause
Correctly identifying the cause of the anger will help you deal with it faster. The method, which involves the presence of a pen and a sheet of paper, is excellent for this.
- First, you need to write all the qualities and actions of the subject of hatred that cause disgust.This list consists of three or more items.
- Next, you need to consider in detail each item.
Almost all negative qualities from the list can be found in many other people, even in yourself. This does not mean that a person hates himself. This means that a woman or a man is prejudiced against the subject of their negative feelings. Indeed, in reality, there are only one or two points that really generate disgust. They can be quite serious, but they can also be minor.And already, depending on their type, it is necessary to select one or another way to get rid of hatred.
Positive is the best way to get rid of negative feelings. For people, this method involves a minimum of effort, since pleasant emotions can be experienced from anything, for example:
- From communication with friends and family.
- From walks in nature.
- From attending a variety of events.
- From mutual feelings of love.
- From doing something that a person likes.
Ability to Forgive
Forgiveness helps to get rid of hatred. This skill allows you to cope with many of life’s troubles. It removes the inner discomfort caused by other people.
A person who knows how to forgive is in a much better position than a person who continues to react to stimuli with resentment.
Those who leave old grievances in the past are much less prone to stress and depression.They have better health, and life is full of pleasant events.
However, not everyone is capable of this generous act. It’s easier to hate than to forgive. But it’s important to always remember that forgiving is an integral part of a high-quality life.
Self-love should be formed from childhood.
Parents are obliged to make it clear to the child that each person is beautiful in his own way and deserves to be loved.
To overcome self-loathing and hatred, a person needs to love himself.This feeling is able to heal not only the soul, but also the body. There are many confirmed cases when a person, having changed his attitude towards himself, completely changed his life for the better.