What do your sexual fantasies say about your personality. How do men’s and women’s fantasies differ. Can sharing fantasies improve your relationship. Discover the science behind sexual desires and their impact on your life.

The Big Three: Most Common Sexual Fantasies Revealed

Sexual fantasies are a window into our deepest desires and psychological makeup. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, conducted an extensive study on sexual fantasies, surveying over 4,000 Americans. His research, detailed in the book “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life,” uncovered fascinating insights into our sexual psyche.

According to Lehmiller’s findings, the majority of sexual fantasies fall into three main categories:

• Group sex
• BDSM (bondage, dominance/submission, sadomasochism)
• Novelty or adventure

Within these categories, the most popular fantasies include threesomes, bondage, and trying new positions or locations for sexual encounters. Surprisingly, there were more similarities between men’s and women’s fantasies than one might expect.

Gender Differences in Sexual Fantasies: Debunking Stereotypes

Contrary to popular belief, many fantasies traditionally stereotyped as “masculine” or “feminine” were shared by both genders. However, some differences did emerge:

• Women were more likely to fantasize about same-sex experiences and BDSM
• Men had more gender-bending fantasies (e.g., crossdressing) and taboo thoughts
• Women placed more emphasis on the setting of their sexual encounters
• Men focused more on their sexual partners

These findings challenge conventional stereotypes and highlight the complexity of human sexuality.

The Surprising Star of Your Sexual Fantasies

Who do you think appears most frequently in people’s sexual fantasies? Celebrities? Porn stars? The answer might surprise you. Lehmiller’s research revealed that the most likely star of your sexual fantasies is your current romantic partner.

Why do we fantasize about our partners more than unattainable celebrities? It’s because fantasies often serve to meet our emotional needs, such as feeling loved, desired, and sexually competent. Our actual partners are more capable of fulfilling these needs than distant or fictional figures.

Personality Traits and Their Impact on Sexual Fantasies

Your personality plays a significant role in shaping your sexual fantasies. Lehmiller’s study uncovered several intriguing correlations:

• Extroverts tend to fantasize more about group sex and non-monogamy
• People with high empathy fantasize less about BDSM, infidelity, and emotionless sex
• Detail-oriented individuals pay more attention to the setting of their fantasies
• Those who struggle with stress often include calming emotional content in their fantasies

These connections between personality traits and fantasy content offer fascinating insights into the human psyche.

Fantasy vs. Reality: How We Change in Our Imaginations

While our fantasies are influenced by our personalities, they also provide an opportunity to explore different aspects of ourselves. Lehmiller found that people often change certain characteristics in their fantasies:

• Age
• Body type
• Genital appearance
• Personality traits

For example, introverted individuals might become more outgoing in their fantasies, while anxious people may envision themselves as more relaxed and confident. Interestingly, detail-oriented individuals were the least likely to change their characteristics in fantasies, maintaining consistency between their real and imagined selves.

From Fantasy to Reality: Should You Share Your Desires?

Is it beneficial to share your sexual fantasies with your partner? The answer isn’t straightforward and depends on various factors. Sharing fantasies can potentially strengthen your relationship and enhance your sex life. However, it’s essential to approach this topic with care and consideration.

If you’re considering sharing your fantasies, here are some tips:

1. Start slowly by sharing less adventurous fantasies before delving into more taboo topics
2. Reflect on whether your fantasy is something you genuinely want to experience in real life
3. Consider your partner’s comfort level and boundaries
4. Be prepared for various reactions, from enthusiasm to discomfort

Lehmiller’s research found that most people who acted on their fantasies reported positive outcomes. However, it’s crucial to approach fantasy fulfillment with open communication and mutual consent.

The Psychology Behind Sexual Fantasies: Meeting Emotional Needs

Why do we have sexual fantasies? Beyond mere arousal, fantasies often serve deeper psychological purposes. They can help us:

• Feel loved and desired
• Boost our sense of sexual competence
• Explore aspects of our personality we may repress in daily life
• Process and cope with real-life experiences
• Fulfill unmet needs in a safe, imaginary space

Understanding the emotional and psychological functions of our fantasies can provide valuable insights into our overall well-being and relationships.

The Role of Past Experiences in Shaping Fantasies

Our sexual fantasies don’t exist in a vacuum; they’re often influenced by our life experiences, both positive and negative. Some people may use fantasies to reimagine past sexual encounters in a more favorable light, while others might process traumatic experiences through fantasy as a form of mental healing.

Lehmiller’s research also found that early sexual experiences and exposure to sexual content during formative years can significantly impact adult fantasies. This underscores the complex interplay between nature, nurture, and sexual desire.

The Prevalence of BDSM Fantasies: Power Dynamics in the Bedroom

BDSM fantasies emerged as one of the most common categories in Lehmiller’s study. But what drives this fascination with power dynamics in sexual scenarios? Several factors contribute to the appeal of BDSM fantasies:

• The thrill of relinquishing or assuming control
• Exploration of trust and vulnerability
• The intensity of sensations associated with BDSM practices
• Breaking social taboos and norms
• Escapism from daily responsibilities and stress

It’s important to note that having BDSM fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean an individual wants to engage in these practices in real life. Fantasies provide a safe space to explore these dynamics without real-world consequences.

Safety and Consent in BDSM Fantasies and Practice

For those who do wish to explore BDSM in reality, safety and consent are paramount. Ethical BDSM practices involve:

1. Clear communication of boundaries and limits
2. Establishment of safe words or signals
3. Ongoing consent throughout the experience
4. Aftercare for all participants
5. Education about safe practices and potential risks

Understanding these principles is crucial for anyone interested in bringing BDSM fantasies into their real-life sexual experiences.

The Impact of Culture and Society on Sexual Fantasies

Our sexual fantasies don’t exist in isolation from the broader cultural context. Societal norms, religious beliefs, and cultural taboos all play a role in shaping our desires and the content of our fantasies. Lehmiller’s study revealed interesting patterns related to cultural influences:

• People from more sexually conservative backgrounds often had more taboo or “forbidden” fantasies
• Cultural attitudes towards gender roles influenced the power dynamics in fantasies
• Media representations of sexuality and relationships impacted fantasy content
• Generational differences were observed in fantasy themes and content

These findings highlight the complex interplay between individual psychology and societal influences in the formation of our sexual desires.

The Evolution of Sexual Fantasies in the Digital Age

The rise of the internet and digital media has significantly impacted the landscape of sexual fantasies. Some notable effects include:

1. Increased exposure to diverse sexual content
2. Greater access to niche or specialized erotic material
3. The emergence of new fantasy themes related to technology (e.g., virtual reality sex)
4. Changes in how people explore and share their fantasies
5. Potential influence on sexual expectations and body image

As technology continues to evolve, it’s likely that the nature and content of sexual fantasies will also change, reflecting our increasingly digital world.

The Therapeutic Potential of Sexual Fantasies

Beyond their role in sexual arousal, fantasies can have significant therapeutic value. Mental health professionals and sex therapists often use fantasy exploration as a tool to help individuals and couples. Some potential benefits include:

• Improving sexual communication between partners
• Addressing sexual dysfunctions or intimacy issues
• Exploring and healing from past traumas
• Boosting self-esteem and body image
• Reducing sexual anxiety and shame

When used in a therapeutic context, fantasy exploration can be a powerful tool for personal growth and relationship enhancement.

Techniques for Healthy Fantasy Exploration

For those interested in exploring their fantasies in a healthy way, either alone or with a partner, consider these techniques:

1. Journaling about your fantasies to gain deeper insights
2. Using guided imagery or meditation to safely explore fantasy scenarios
3. Engaging in role-play with a trusted partner
4. Reading or writing erotic literature to stimulate your imagination
5. Seeking professional guidance from a sex therapist or counselor

Remember, the goal of fantasy exploration is self-understanding and enhanced intimacy, not judgment or shame.

The Future of Sexual Fantasy Research

As our understanding of human sexuality continues to evolve, so does the field of sexual fantasy research. Some exciting areas for future study include:

• The impact of virtual and augmented reality on sexual fantasies
• Cross-cultural comparisons of fantasy content and themes
• The role of fantasies in long-term relationship satisfaction
• The potential use of fantasy analysis in mental health diagnostics
• The neurological basis of sexual fantasies and desire

As researchers delve deeper into these areas, we can expect to gain even more insights into the complex world of human sexuality and desire.

Ethical Considerations in Fantasy Research

As the field of sexual fantasy research expands, it’s crucial to consider the ethical implications of this work. Some important considerations include:

1. Protecting participant privacy and confidentiality
2. Ensuring informed consent in fantasy studies
3. Addressing potential biases in research design and interpretation
4. Considering the impact of research findings on social norms and policies
5. Balancing scientific inquiry with respect for diverse cultural values

These ethical considerations will play a crucial role in shaping the future of sexual fantasy research and its applications.

Embracing the Diversity of Human Desire

Perhaps the most important takeaway from Lehmiller’s research and other studies on sexual fantasies is the incredible diversity of human desire. Our fantasies are as unique as we are, influenced by a complex interplay of personality, experiences, culture, and biology.

Understanding this diversity can help us:

• Reduce shame and stigma around sexual desires
• Improve communication and intimacy in relationships
• Develop more inclusive and comprehensive sex education
• Challenge harmful stereotypes about sexuality
• Promote a more sex-positive society

By embracing the wide spectrum of human sexual fantasy, we can foster greater understanding, empathy, and sexual well-being for all.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance in Sexual Fantasy

While understanding our fantasies can provide valuable insights, it’s equally important to practice self-acceptance. Here are some key points to remember:

1. Having a fantasy doesn’t mean you necessarily want to act on it in real life
2. There’s no such thing as a “normal” or “abnormal” fantasy (as long as it involves consenting adults)
3. Your fantasies don’t define your whole identity or worth as a person
4. It’s okay for your fantasies to change over time
5. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength if you’re struggling with your fantasies

By cultivating a non-judgmental attitude towards our own desires, we can achieve greater sexual and emotional well-being.

What your sex fantasies say about you

Sexual fantasies are no different — and they can offer a glimpse into your personality. Of course, their main purpose is to turn you on, but the types of sexual adventures that you imagine can also tell you a lot about how you view yourself and the world around you.

To learn more about what Americans fantasize about and what it means, Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, conducted the largest and most comprehensive study of its kind on this topic. He asked more than 4,000 Americans ranging in age from 18 to 87 and spanning a spectrum of occupations, sexual and gender identities, and political and religious affiliations about their sexual fantasies.

The results, which he details in his new book, “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life,” offer plenty of insight into the sexual thoughts we all have but often keep to ourselves. Here’s a look at some of his most intriguing findings.

Although every fantasy is unique, Lehmiller found that the majority fall into one of three categories: group sex, BDSM (bondage, dominance/submission, sadomasochism, etc.) and novelty or adventure. Within these classifications, threesomes, bondage and trying new positions or having sex in new locations were the most popular fantasies.

Surprisingly, there were even more similarities between men’s and women’s fantasies than you might expect. “I found that many of the fantasies people tend to stereotype as being as masculine, like threesomes, and feminine, like emotional fulfillment, were actually things that a majority of men and women alike were fantasizing about,” Lehmiller said.

But there are differences, too. His research found that women were more likely than men to fantasize about same-sex experiences and BDSM, while men were more apt to have gender-bending fantasies (such as crossdressing) and more taboo thoughts. Likewise, women placed more emphasis on where they were having sex, while men focused more on who they were having sex with.

The star of the show may surprise you

“My results suggest that the one person who is most likely to appear in your sexual fantasies is — believe it or not — your current romantic partner,” Lehmiller said. Indeed, people fantasized far less often about celebrities and porn stars than they did about their actual lovers.

This may be because fantasies are often designed to meet our emotional needs, such as feeling loved, desired and sexually competent. It’s hard to meet these and other needs when our fantasy partners are unknown or unattainable. Instead, we may fantasize about our partners more than anyone else because we know that our partners are more capable of giving us what we need in that moment.

Your personality may dictate your fantasies

“Overall, our fantasies appear to reflect who we are and seem to be designed to meet our unique psychological needs,” Lehmiller explained. He found that people with different personalities tend to fantasize about very different things. For example, people who are more extroverted and outgoing fantasize more about group sex and non-monogamy. This makes sense because they like meeting new people.

People who have more concern for the well-being of others tend to fantasize less about BDSM, infidelity and emotionless sex. This pattern makes sense because they don’t want to hurt anyone and they want to include their partner in whatever is happening.

If you are detail-oriented in your everyday life, Lehmiller found that you’ll probably pay more attention to things like where your fantasy is taking place. And if you’re someone who doesn’t deal well with stress, his results suggest that your fantasies will tend to include more calming emotional content and less about trying new things.

At the same time, Lehmiller’s results suggest that our fantasy selves are often different from our true selves: Fantasies give us the opportunity to change things we may not like about ourselves. “People frequently change their age, body, genital appearance, personality or a combination of these,” he said.

“Introverted people may be more outgoing in their fantasies, while anxious folks may be more relaxed and confident.” The group least likely to change: Those sticklers for detail, who are often the same in both fantasies and real life.

From fantasy to reality?

So should you share your fantasies with your partner — or even act on them? That depends. Sharing sexual fantasies can certainly bring you closer as a couple and have the potential to spice things up in bed.

Lehmiller recommends starting slow by sharing a less-adventurous fantasy before delving into deeper or more taboo topics. Consider whether your fantasy is actually something you want to experience.

“I found that most people who acted on their fantasies reported that the experience was at least as good — if not better — than they were expecting and said that it improved their relationship,” Lehmiller said. “But it isn’t something you want to leap into or take lightly.” There are things to be both gained and, potentially, lost by making fantasy reality, so be sure to educate yourself on the rewards and risks before taking that step.

Ian Kerner is a licensed couples therapist, writer and contributor on the topic of sex for CNN.

Sexual fantasies of heterosexual and homosexual men

I’m having fantasies about men who look like my father | Marriage

The dilemma I’m a very happily married man and sex with my wife is loving and satisfying. Recently, however, through viewing porn on the internet, I have become increasingly drawn towards watching older men having sex. Occasionally, I dream of my deceased father and some of these dreams are sexual in nature. The men I find myself watching often remind me of my dad. He was successful and well liked, but was also physically and emotionally abusive to his children.

I don’t ever recall feeling any true fatherly love, affection or security in my life from him. Often I wonder if I am now seeking out my father’s love.

I fantasise about sex with these older men, but have never attempted it. Perhaps I should just go through with a sexual encounter and see if it satisfies something in me. I would never give up my wife and family, though, so that would be extremely difficult.

Mariella replies As you must be aware, your fantasies and dreams would be a textbook case for a sex therapist or psychoanalyst, so I can feel the sharp focus of better-qualified eyes bearing down on me as I type. For such graduates of the study of our subconscious, years of training go into honing skills for translating the messages triggered by our childhood traumas and, as you’ve so rightly identified, that’s exactly where this fantasy has erupted from. So, it would be entirely irresponsible of me not to recommend you seek professional help – I suggest trying your GP first, as they can recommend more suitable help. Alternatively, you could look at the NHS website, which lists confidential helpline services you may want to follow up.

That said, at the moment you’re doing no one any harm, not even yourself, so it may be worth a few baby steps before you present yourself for full scrutiny.

Our subconscious is pretty good at cleaning out its own blocked channels

I’m cynical about the relish with which a textbook issue like yours would be welcomed. It took me 25 years to return to therapy – despite indications I needed help – after an encounter in my late teens, fresh from the death of my father. The moment I mentioned my father’s passing and tears started streaming, my therapist rubbed his hands with glee, handed me a bill for £90 and an appointment card for the following week. His undisguised relish and self-congratulatory air at extracting this “breakthrough” forged in me a resolve to not become a case study. So you might benefit from analysis but, for now, I will give you my unqualified, speculative exploration of your dilemma.

For all but the most self-deluded, identifying why we feel a certain way is not an insurmountable challenge. What does present difficulties is understanding how those deeply embedded experiences affect our choices, “natural” impulses and decision-making. Professional help can provide the tools we need to employ when trying to mend ourselves. That said, our subconscious is pretty good at cleaning out its own blocked channels. Hence the reason we all experience fantasies, dreams and desires that we don’t necessarily understand.

Navigating the workings of our deeper consciousness is one reason sleep, rest and room for imagination are all imperative to a healthy life. Which brings me to the internet, where dreams are made flesh and often we are the worse for it. A sexual fantasy may be full of complicated historic undertones, but it’s a harmless channel through which to play out the deeper desires we harbour. Whether it’s rape fantasies or S&M, desire for unlikely candidates from our circle of acquaintances, sex with a friend or with those who disgust us, there’s no end to the curious places our imaginations will roam. But when we put flesh on those bones, breathe life into those monsters and limit the scope of our imaginations I think it can be very harmful indeed, making a subconscious journey a real-life desire.

Entering the darker realms of internet pornography is to abandon your psyche’s adventures and walk into a world animated by those who profit from exploiting our vulnerabilities. In that world, your desires become a less fertile place for processing your experiences and a more dangerous arena. My advice is to put your internet fantasies back in the box, engage with a professional to resolve what sounds like a painful past relationship and thank your lucky stars that you have a great life and a partner with whom you have enjoyable sex.

Just because we feel something doesn’t mean we need to act on it. Indeed, the fact that we experience such feelings but don’t act on them is often how we learn to evolve. Perhaps you should be in a relationship with an older man who can give you the love and attention your father never did, or perhaps you’d do better to find out how that absence in your youth has created latent longings in adulthood. Most importantly, make no irreversible moves until you better understand your own mind.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1

The survey concluded that men have eight sexual fantasies a day, women only 4 1/2. : The Fried Potato Syndrome

When I was a kid in Oakland, everything reminded me of sex. I had some of my best erotic fantasies while eating fried potatoes or climbing trees.

I’d be halfway up the old eucalyptus out front and, whammo, a vision of Geraldine Mock would flash through my head, naked and panting, and send me crashing to the ground.

My mother would say it was the devil’s work and if I kept thinking of things like that I’d get pimples.

It wasn’t until I was 17 that a teacher informed me it was the fried potatoes, not sex, that caused pimples. What a relief.

That was a long time ago, and, while I don’t eat fried foods or climb trees anymore, I am still interested in sexual fantasies, if only for statistical purposes.

Take, for instance, a survey conducted in a psychology class at Boston University. I heard about it on the car radio the other day as I was driving along the Simi Valley Freeway thinking about something other than potatoes.

The survey concluded that men have eight sexual fantasies a day, while women have only 4 1/2. I don’t know what half a fantasy is, but one assumes it involves a person of the same sex.

I began wondering how the classroom average would compare to the city room of a daily newspaper so, through the magic of electronics, I transmitted a message asking how many sexual fantasies staff members had in an average day at the L.A. By God Times.

Twenty-one men and 19 women responded, but I was not able to come up with an average due to the convoluted replies.

For instance, a data programmer said he had 40 sexual fantasies a day but they only involved computer terminals. The sexual fantasies of a particularly egotistical reporter were all about himself.

A militant feminist responded that her whole life was a sexual fantasy because she wanted nothing to do with men, and another said she was six months pregnant and was trying not to think along those lines at the present time.

What I have decided to do, therefore, is forget about trying to reach an average and simply share with you the kinds of responses I received regarding what one respondent called spectral sex.

This in itself offers shocking insight into the truly sick and perverted people involved in producing a daily newspaper.

Sports writers, by the way, are not included in the survey since they are in a constant state of arousal and would throw any effort at honest evaluation into disarray. It has to do with the residual effects of sweat and locker rooms.

Some responses:

From a man: “My ex-wife is a Boston U. graduate. She had a dozen sexual fantasies a day and usually acted out 10 or 11 of them. Occasionally, one or two would involve me.”

From a woman: “I have 4.5 sexual fantasies a day, and in them I fantasize about men fantasizing eight times a day about me.”

Man: “I just got married and am no longer allowed to have sexual fantasies. However, I do encourage people to engage in safe fantasies by using a condom.”

Woman: “Does picturing how someone would look in bed with another particular person and laughing about it count as a sexual fantasy?”

(That’s sexual humor, I think.)

Man: “I had one a few months ago. I think it was February or March.”

Woman: “Every morning at 5:30 and every night between 8 and midnight. Please don’t use my name.”

Man: “Who has time for sexual fantasies? I’m lucky if I get lunch.”

Woman: “I probably average three a day. Elevators and traffic on the Ventura Freeway seem to stimulate them.”

Man: “They fluctuate in inverse proportion to the number of actual experiences.”

Woman: “I’m dieting, and my husband says I have the ‘Double-H Whammy.’ I’m hungry and horny all the time.”

I call special attention to the next response because of the obvious pathology involved:

“OK, details. I’m in a zoo, soaking up the sights, sounds and smells of large mammals. Suddenly a group of schoolchildren walks through. Two nuns are arguing about transubstantiation. Suddenly an elephant . . . “

Fortunately, the man is an editor and in no position to influence thought or opinion.

Woman: “I only have one a day, but it lasts 24 hours.”

Man: “The question invades personal privacy beyond the pale and should only be asked of those seeking high political office.”

Woman: “Before or after breakfast?”

Man: “Does a fantasy have to have a beginning, middle and end, or can it just be a fleeting thought? If it’s a fleeting thought, should it . . . ?”

Never mind.

Several replied that it was none of my business what their fantasies were since I was not a part of any of them, even those involving trees and fried potatoes.

On the whole, I suppose it wasn’t a very scientific survey, but at least it did cause a number of people to reassess their eroticisms.

At this very moment, in fact, I am looking directly at a sports writer who is staring into space and drooling slightly.

He’s probably playing in a naked Super Bowl with an all-girl team. Way to go.

The Top 5 Sexual Fantasies That Married Men Have And Tips For Mums

Men think about sex a lot — every 7 seconds, according to the exaggerated urban legend. But what exactly are they fantasizing about which gets them tight in the pants?

Ladies, here are the wildest dreams that your husbands are having in the bedroom… plus some tips to make them come true. 

1) Having her in charge

Image source: iStock

All confident men know that the sexiest woman is a confident one. It’s a huge ego boost to see your lady turned on by you and openly showing it.

For some husbands, this may mean some whips and handcuffs, dominatrix-style; for others, simply a partner who eyes them boldly up and down before telling you exactly how she wants you. Ladies, if your husband’s usually in charge in the bedroom, don’t hesitate to change it up by taking the lead. 

2) Sex with multiple women

No surprises here. Nearly every man has dreamed of being sandwiched between two ladies in a steamy threesome (or four, or five… you get the idea). A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that more than 80% of men fantasized about sex with two women. 

Ladies, you can help your husband get all the stimulation he needs by getting creative with sex toys like prostate massagers. 

3) Getting a blowjob

Lips trailing fire up your thighs, a warm mouth lingering on you down there, her gaze meeting yours as her head bobs — a simple fantasy, and by far the most common one. More than 90% of men have this high on their naughty list. 

Ladies, if you’d like to do this but are uncomfortable with going down on your knees, there are many other positions you can try. For example, you can lie back while he kneels over you. And if the taste bothers you, you might want to experiment with flavoured lube.

4) Watching their wives have sex

There’s something so sexy about watching your lover lost to the throes of pleasure.

Whether it’s seeing their lady masturbate, or watching her get her kink on with other women, many men have secret fantasies of being voyeurs. Don’t be afraid to put on a show, ladies!

5) Having sex with another woman 

Image source: iStock

The forbidden tingle of a heated glance with that gorgeous woman in the red dress, the thrilling thought of so easily taking it further — this fantasy is all about the headiness of transgression. Well over 80% of men have fantasized about having sex with someone who wasn’t their partner. 

 To indulge this fantasy, both of you can roleplay sexy strangers meeting for the first time. As they say, variety is the spice of life!

References: Everyday Health, Business Insider

ALSO READ: The top 5 sexual fantasies that married women have

5 Secret Fantasies Men Want in Bed But Would Never Tell Their Wives

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that there are some things men simply don’t tell women… especially when it comes to the bedroom. Whether they’re too shy to admit their secret fantasy or are worried their partner will take it the wrong way, men have a secret arsenal of sexy turn-ons.

If you’re planning a special night for your partner or if things are just feeling a little stale in the bedroom as of late, check out these secrets men never tell their partners about what they really want in bed.

“Tell me I’m strong.”

Men don’t like having to ask their partner to validate their manhood, but hearing a compliment about their muscles or sexy moves in the sack can make all the difference in a guy’s mood. “This isn’t the ’50s anymore, but there are still some genetically determined pieces of men’s self-worth,” marriage therapist Mike Dow, PsyD, told Woman’s Day.

Because your guy will feel even less manly if he has to ask you to compliment his brute strength, make it a point to let him know you notice it.

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“I want you to initiate more sex.”

A man might feel awkward saying it, but he might like to sit back and enjoy you being the initiator (dare we say dominator) during sex. “Men are expected to perform all the time and that’s not realistic,” Dr. Dawn Michael, clinical sexologist and author of Intimacy Guidebook for Couples told Cafe Mom. “They don’t always want to be the one to initiate sex.”

Next time you’re watching TV together, divert his attention offscreen and take the party into the bedroom.

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“I want to get busy during your time of the month.”

Just because Aunt Flo is in town doesn’t mean the two of you can’t get down to business! Tell your man that you need to have him, and ask if he’s OK with having sex while you’re on your period. He most likely won’t give it another thought once he sees how badly you want him. Lay an old blanket or towel down to ensure an easy cleanup and be on your way!

P.S. If sex on your period isn’t your thing, you could always revert to oral to let him know you still care about his needs.

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“I want to do it in front of other people.”

This doesn’t necessarily mean get arrested for public indecency while at the movies or in the park, but the tiniest thrill from leaving the blinds cracked open (even though you know the shrubs will block the neighbors’ wandering eyes) can bring sex to a whole new level.

If you want to step it up a notch, try a quick hookup with your guy while at a wedding or friend’s party (read: somewhere you have a private room). Your friends will notice that the two of you are missing, but you can play coy upon your return and savor your little secret.

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“Take responsibility for your pleasure.”

While men certainly enjoy making their partners feel good in bed, sometimes they want women to get to know their bodies and their pleasure spots so they can tell their guy exactly what to do. Giving him all the tools he needs to succeed will only ensure a better sex session for you. After all, if you can find your own G-spot and favorite erotic zones, you can show him — and how hot is that?

Plus, taking control of your sexual needs instead of waiting on a guy 24/7 to satisfy them is so empowering. Take a night to yourself and get in touch with your body.

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Gender Preference in the Sexual Attractions, Fantasies, and Relationships of Voluntarily Castrated Men

Abstract

Introduction

Some men seek castration outside a clear medical need. This study explored how their sexuality changed after castration.

Aim

To explore changes in preferred gender(s) of sexual attraction, fantasy, and relationships in voluntarily castrated men with or without gonadal hormone therapy.

Methods

A questionnaire was posted at http://www.eunuch.org that yielded data on men who had been voluntarily castrated physically (n = 198) or chemically (n = 96).

Main Outcome Measures

Respondents were asked to report retrospectively on their sexuality, including their sexual activity and which gender(s) they were sexually attracted to, fantasized about, or had sexual relations with 6 months to 1 year before and after castration.

Results

A substantial proportion of men remained sexually active after castration; 37% had sex at least several times per week. Most respondents did not report a change in preferred gender(s) of attraction (65%, n = 181), fantasies (62%, n = 169), or sexual relationships (66%, n = 163), although approximately 20% to 30% of respondents did report such changes and 8% to 11% became non-sexual after castration. Respondents who were attracted to and fantasized about “only men” or who had sexual relationship with “only women” before castration were the least likely to report a change subsequent to castration. Respondents who were taking neither supplemental testosterone nor estrogen were more likely to report (i) becoming attracted to no one, (ii) fantasizing about no one, and (iii) becoming sexually inactive.

Conclusion

Sexual changes in voluntarily castrated men vary and can be influenced by various factors including the use of supplemental testosterone or estrogen therapy.

Key Words

Castration

Eunuchs

Sexual Attraction

Gender Preference

Sexual Fantasy

Sexual Relationship

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Copyright © 2016 The Authors. Published by Elsevier Inc.

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90,000 How sexual fantasies work and what to do with them – Wonderzine

Not everyone is easy to talk about fantasies to a partner or a partner. Where to begin? If you decide to share a specific fantasy, then you can think in advance what you want from the conversation. Would you like to try to reproduce the fantasy if the other side likes it? Or do you just want to share an exciting experience? Or perhaps your fantasies are troubling you and you want to talk about your concerns? It can be easier to start a conversation about a difficult or embarrassing topic if you first talk about your feelings.For example: “Listen, I want to share one fantasy of mine, but I’m ashamed of it. I feel vulnerable and afraid that you will find me strange or condemn me. Your support will help me a lot. ” Everyone has the experience of shame, and many people have shame for fantasies, and probably the person next to you is no exception. “I noticed that when I manage to voice a fantasy or desire, the person says that it is absolutely normal, not at all creepy and even attractive,” says Maria. – And what is generally incomprehensible why I took so long to decide.We can say that with your frankness you care about your partner or partner: now they know that they can also share with you what they are ashamed of themselves.

It is easier for someone to give out all the information at once. For example, Eva tries to immediately write about her fantasy in the messenger in the most direct formulations: “It’s like ripping off a plaster. And then I already find myself not alone with my experiences, and it is much easier. ” For some, on the contrary, it is more comfortable to start from afar: for example, first discuss how differently people can have sex, what kinky there are, and who was suitable for what during their life.

And if you are just getting to know each other’s preferences, then you can ask general questions: “Do you fantasize about sex? Would you be interested in talking about sex fantasies? Do you want to tell each other what pictures we like to present about sex? Do you want you to be the first or me? ” Or focus on the “shameful” side of the question: “Do you have fantasies that you are ashamed of? I want to share one of mine, but I’m worried. And if you suddenly tell something first, it will help me a lot. “

It will probably be easier for both of you to share your “safer” fantasies first, and how far you go in personal stories is up to you as you build trust. “Fantasies of monster sex make me feel ashamed. It seems that they may seem “perverted” to someone, – says Alex. – But since it turned out that these images are emotionally significant for me, I think the partners know better about them. So we can immediately decide whether we are on the way: if a person accepts this part of me, it immediately strengthens our contact and it is easier for me to be frank further. “

90,000 What men want: hit parade of men’s fantasies

Men’s fantasies … What is it? It is fantasies, not dreams, not aspirations, not goals set for oneself. Is there any place for fantasies in our non-romantic male brains? After all, fantasy is something super-unreal, never possible, beyond. Contrary to the hackneyed female opinion that all our fantasies begin and end in bed, I am pleased to inform you: this is not so! Therefore, I present to you the hit parade of men’s fantasies! Top 5! Why not a dozen? Well, we’re men after all.All that we could.

So:

5th place. Fifth place is occupied by various sexual fantasies. And I did not say that there are none at all! But they are only in fifth place. Unlike you girls, men’s erotic fantasies are very mundane. No one dreams of sleeping with Brad Peet or even Angelina Jolie. We, men, dream of women that are unattainable, but quite real and close. About classmates, work colleagues, wife’s girlfriends, random encounters on the street. Alcohol significantly expands this list.

A huge number of men dream of a certain sexual position. About which they are most often embarrassed to ask their woman or believe that she will knowingly disagree. By the way, a romantic setting such as candles, silk underwear, champagne is completely absent in men’s fantasies. Sex with two, three, etc. at the same time, contrary to the prevailing stereotype, it is not a fantasy at all, but … a man’s joke. As a rule, something more interesting is hidden behind it, for example, to buy a Thai slave for carnal pleasures and perversions.

Realization . Dear ladies! Leave us the opportunity to realize this fantasy ourselves. The only thing I want to ask for is to look around more often. Especially on the acquaintances of the men around you. What if you are the object of someone’s fantasies!

4th place. Fantasy often found in mature men. “I would have my current head yes 10, 15, 20 years ago! Wow, I would have been now … ”Options: rich, very rich, single, would live in America, would be the president of the country.And you can’t say that men with such fantasies are all losers. On the contrary, as a rule, these are solid, successful and wealthy people.

Realization . You enroll in physics and mathematics, get a diploma, defend your candidate’s, doctoral thesis, become a full member of the Academy of Sciences, invent a time machine. And if by that time your man is still alive, realize his fantasy.

3rd place. Everyone knows that men are the same children! Therefore, a very common male fantasy concerns his favorite toys – cars.A car for a man is more than a means of transportation. This is a friend, this is an object of worship, this is a living entity. Men are much more outspoken with a car than with women. And in our fantasies, he takes a significant place. A swift and aggressive sports car, a powerful brutal SUV, an elegant and solid executive class car. Here I am proudly sitting behind the wheel of this handsome man, meeting with an indulgent half smile the envious glances of men and enthusiastic women. There is only him, me and the road, which runs away in an endless ribbon beyond the horizon.And let the whole world wait.

Realization . In no case should you indulge a man in the realization of this fantasy. It may be that the world that “waits” includes you. And then, with the appearance of your man’s dream car, there are no guarantees that the next item “to replace” will not be you. So let him drive an old Audi. You are calmer.

2nd place. Over-ambition and narcissism – our name, men! Because our fantasies are collected here under one common slogan “I am the ruler of the world!”

Deep down, every second man would like to live in his personal paradise. The differences are only in the size of paradise. It is enough for someone to be a god and a king in their own family, with a mother-in-law in the role of a suppressed opposition, a wife and children as a plebs and a cat in the form of a “family ghost”. And for some, the universe is too small. To live for your own pleasure, any woman is available, we spit on those who are shorter, that is, at all. Sometimes we allow ourselves broad gestures like: “I declare the first day of the fifth week of February as a day off.”Ave me!

Realization . Do you need it? “Shut up, woman! Be equal! Attention! Walk to bed! ” Just about …

1st place. The absolute leader of men’s fantasies is … Guess what. Right! Fantasy about a woman! Beautiful, intelligent, sweet, kind, gentle, loyal, modest in public and unrestrained in bed, economical, understanding, submissive, anticipating and fulfilling our every desire. A woman who can follow you to the ends of the world and to football. A woman for whose sake he is ready to move mountains and the jaw of another man.A woman, at the sight of whom the heart skips a beat, straightens the shoulders, tail and other parts of the body. A fairy tale woman, a dream woman.

• Dad, do such women exist?
• No, son. This is fantastic …

Sexual fantasies of men – DELFI

All men fantasize about sex, but, unfortunately, they very rarely can admit this to their chosen ones. Only if they have, well, a very trusting relationship, or if she started this conversation first.Fantasies can change depending on circumstances or attitudes. But there is some kind of classification in them, and therefore we give a list of the most frequent fantasies in men:

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1.Striptease performed by your beloved woman . Why are there no specialized manuals designed to teach striptease wives? “Home” striptease is not particularly professional, but it is amazingly effective. Any man will be shocked to suddenly see his beloved girl dancing to him a lap dance. The whole situation looks insanely exciting – dim light, some object in the middle of the room, and you, moving to slow music, bending in smooth movements.

2. Anal sex is not a fantasy of the majority, but quite frequent. True, not everyone will agree to fulfill this fantasy even with dubbing.

3. Threesome sex . Usually it is him and two girls. As a rule, they fantasize about this, hinting at their masculine strength. After all, satisfying one woman is very good. But two at the same time – almost a feat. And every man knows about it. Not everyone dares to embody this fantasy of a man. Indeed, in their thoughts they can be mega-macho, but in life everything rarely goes according to the created plan.

4. Pose number 69 . So often she is heard, but at the same time her performance for some reason causes wild skirmishes. And therefore, she remains mostly in dreams. It is a pity that such a rare way of getting pleasure is ignored by many.

5. Violence. Any man at least once dreamed of being tied up – at the mercy of his woman. She leaves the man restless and constantly wants to be realized, and here the result depends on the ability to speak.

6. Role-playing games . What, if not played someone else’s role can force your act to go on untrodden paths? It can be a female boss, and a standard nurse, and a schoolgirl, and a loser, and a woman of dreams. Success depends on the particular male member.

Everyone can boast of sexual fantasies. If you have the right opportunity and mood, ask the man about their fantasies and fulfill his little desire. But do not forget that you also have dreams, and you can ask a man to make them come true.

90,000 Sexual fantasies distract most men from work every day

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This conclusion was made by scientists from Arizona

Men spend on average about five hours a day thinking about sex. This conclusion was reached by a group of scientists from the United States of America, in the study of which more than 1,500 people took part.According to the study, a man devotes more time to erotic fantasies than thinking on any other topic.

A study by experts from Arizona showed that volunteers spent an average of five hours each day on erotic fantasies. Often such thoughts occurred during working hours and made it difficult to focus on immediate responsibilities, the media report with reference to psychologists.

Another topic on which men take a lot of time to think about is career, as well as the level of salary.The third place was taken by thoughts about friends, and the fourth – by reflections on family relationships and everyday problems.

In the past, other American experts representing the University of Kentucky have been able to calculate the ideal duration of sex – according to researchers, it is about 20 minutes. The study also found that 55 percent of women and 30 percent of men faked an orgasm at least once, and at least 25 percent of men and 8 percent of women engage in self-gratification on a daily basis.

By the way, recently the geneticist Hank Greeley from Stanford University made the assumption that in the future people will give up sex – at least, as a way of procreation. According to the scientist, the “traditional” conception will be replaced by methods that allow parents to choose the appearance and even character traits of their descendants, as well as completely rid them of hereditary diseases. According to the geneticist, from a technical point of view, humanity is almost ready for such a future.

90 000 Watch Free Drama 17 Sexual Fantasies of Men (Sex Plate 17: Seongpan 17) Online in Russian or with subtitles

Five separate stories are presented by five of Korea’s biggest directors:

“His Trouble” . The hero of the story ( Jang Hyuk ) meets a girl ( Cha Hyun Jung ) on the train during her trip to Busan. Having become interested in his fellow traveler, he leaves at her bus stop and asks for a phone number. A few days later he meets her again in Seoul … Where will this meeting lead the heroes?

“I am here” .He Rim ( Cha Soo Yeon ) is waiting for her husband from work, playing hide and seek, giving him surprises. Hyun Woo ( Kim Kang Woo ) is very worried about his wife, because soon they will be separated … A small love story with a touch of light mysticism.

“33rd man” . During the filming of the film, young actress Mi Jin ( Kim Gyu Ri ) and her co-star, an older actress ( Bae Jong Ok ), experience difficulties over a scene in director Pong’s film ( Kim Su Ro ).All new takes exhaust everyone. Senior actress Hwa Ran decides to help Mi Jin by teaching her how to become more confident and seduce the director …

“The End and Beginning” . Cheon Ha ( Uhm Jung Hwa ) learns that her husband Jae In ( Hwang Jung Min ) cheated on her when he was killed in a road accident while he was with his mistress. His mistress, Na Ru, is her school friend. After the accident, Na Ru ( Kim Hyo Jin ) comes to Cheon Ha’s house and asks for permission to live there, helping her in punishment for her behavior … A mysterious story that reveals the heroes’ secret feelings.

“Believe for a moment” . Three couples are classmates and friends. None of the couples have strong confidence in their relationship. Then the guys decide to swap partners for a day … What will come of this strange exchange? Will the guys get what they wanted or will they be disappointed in each other? ( Kim Dong Wook , Lee Si Young , Shin Se Kyung , Jung Eui Chul , Song Joong Ki , Lee Sung Min ).

90,000 10 things a man never admits to a woman

Men have unspoken rules for communicating with ladies and, of course, there are things that they do not say out loud.These “taboos” give rise to misunderstandings, resentments and conflicts – often completely in vain, but capable of killing love. To prevent this from happening, Anews suggests arm yourself with the knowledge of psychologists: here are 10 examples of what you will not hear from a man.

1. “I can’t afford it / I can’t afford it”

An entire industry is built around men’s attempts to assert themselves and win a woman – from clothes and restaurants to cars and yachts. It is clear that not everyone can spend generously, but declaring out loud that he cannot afford something is like recognizing himself as a loser.Therefore, a man will invent ways to impress the one who is truly dear to him.

2. How jealous he is

A man is genetically imprisoned to compete with his own kind and will boil with jealousy, noticing that his girlfriend is flirting with another, but … in most cases he will not show it so as not to show weakness in front of a competitor. But his obvious “indifference” can seriously strain a woman: “He doesn’t care – that means he doesn’t love me and is only glad to get rid of?”

3.”Your girlfriend / sister / mom is a real beauty / sex bomb!”

A man will certainly notice and admire a beautiful girlfriend or relative, although he will hardly be stupid enough to announce it aloud. Once he said nothing, you should not hope that he was “blind” from love for you. It’s simple: if you yourself sincerely think someone in your environment is very pretty / beautiful, then you can be sure that she will attract his attention as well.

4. “You got fat / It makes you look fat”

The same situation as in the previous paragraph: if a woman clearly sees that she has recovered, or the clothes emphasized figure flaws, then the man next to her sees it.So when the question “Am I fat?” Comes off his tongue, he will lie in response, or, at best, give a compliment, deciding that you are asking for him.

5. “I don’t know how”

To understand how something is done, whether it’s finding a route on a map or fixing a sink – this means, in the male sense, “to be a man”. He will stubbornly get down to business, even when he is not sure of his actions and the end result. So isn’t it better to call a plumber right away than to put him and yourself in a stupid position?

6.His innermost sex fantasies

Illegal things and vile deviations are immediately excluded. But even without them, most men will never admit what they would like in bed and what excites them especially – for fear of scaring, offending a woman or arousing vain suspicions. In addition, they themselves are afraid that instead of a new sexual experience they will receive the label “dirty pervert”.

By the way: How do the sexual fantasies of men and women converge

7. “You have an idiotic hobby”

Even if a man considers your favorite pastime worthless and deeply despises the fruits of handicrafts that fill up the house, he will not show discontent and will endure, secretly imagining how they are devoured by the flame… In that case, of course, if he really loves.

8. “My friends saw you naked”

That’s why it’s better not to send him selfies without clothes: chances are good that not only he will see them. Many guys like to brag about their “trophies” to their friends, although they never admit it. Fortunately, in adult men, habits change and intimate photos still move into the category of “purely personal”.

9. “You dress awfully”

Girls can be infinitely cute with oversized sweaters, baggy pants or skirts up to the toes, but not their men.Most people like the smart-sexy style – elegance plus sexy (not to be confused with the vulgar outfits of call girls!). And in general, it is more pleasant to look at the one that “looks”, and not at the dull mess. After all, men “love with their eyes” and even the most loyal ones want to see their girlfriend stunning at least from time to time.

Note: “Sausage in a strapping.” Worst women’s outfits through the eyes of men (PHOTOS)

10. The truth about your first love

Kindergarten and school memories do not count, we are talking about adult feelings.It is likely that the man already had a lot of love before meeting you. She almost certainly broke his heart. For this reason, he will never admit why nothing happened to her. But it’s not worth worrying and trying to find out: most often, the first real feeling is so strong and unrestrained that it simply scares away. So everything is in order, we can be glad that this stage is over.

Look further: Men, stop “making us happy”! 9 things women hate

90,000 Let’s try: 5 popular men’s fantasies – Psychology

WomanHit.ru studied the most desirable erotic experiments

Maria Blavatskaya

April 28, 2020 13:47

what he dreams of

Photo: www.unsplash.com

As we have already said, a harmonious sex life does not tolerate boredom, and therefore various experiments are welcome in bed, to which both partners agree. We have studied the most popular male desires, which we are ready to talk about.

Threesome

According to psychologists, such a fantasy is most often inherent in men who have been in a relationship for a long time, they have studied their partner and her preferences, they want something new, but there is no talk of cheating.In this case, the partner may begin to fantasize that a third may appear in their bed with the second half, as a rule, we are talking about a woman, since most men find it difficult even to think that someone else will own their woman, although there is and such cases. If your partner invites you to diversify your sex life in this way, this does not mean at all that he has stopped loving you, so you should not throw tantrums, just discuss whether you are both ready to embody such a fantasy. If the idea of ​​threesome sex takes on a tinge of obsession, you need to see a specialist.

Submission and domination

Interestingly, the topic of submission and domination is inherent in more mature men, while younger men are not very enthusiastic about it. Young men are more likely to choose to change partners if their sex life starts to slip while an adult man experiences a greater urge to control his woman. There are, of course, women who prefer to take control in bed into their own hands, but still they are a minority.Important: if you are not ready to experiment with bondage, submission and humiliation, albeit in a playful way, refuse the man’s offer, no matter how he asks – sex should not deliver negative emotions.

Bring your partner to multiple orgasm

One of the most obsessive fantasies, according to sexologists. Men turn to a psychologist with a problem of misunderstanding on the part of a woman: a man expects that his partner will actively participate in the process, show an unbridled interest in sex in general, but in reality such a man comes across a completely opposite type of woman – indifferent, treating sex as an obligation …In addition, many women, in principle, experience problems even with a single orgasm, let alone multi-orgasm. Such a situation can develop a serious complex in a man, especially if he often hears from familiar men about their success in bed.

Voyeurism

In most couples, even the thought that an extra third may appear in their relationship is not welcome. However, the desire to watch from the sidelines for their woman is inherent in many men. Just imagining that someone is having sex with a woman who belongs only to him, a man experiences incredibly sharp emotions, which, as a rule, he lacks in real life.However, most often a man does not dare to do such an experiment for fear of losing his soul mate, but no one forbids dreaming, right?

Sudden sex

Or sex that you might be caught doing. This includes the desire to have sex in a public place or visiting someone else’s territory, where there is a high probability of being caught “at the scene of a crime.” Psychologists believe that in fact a man with such fantasies dreams not so much of sex itself as of attracting attention and a desire to demonstrate to others that he can persuade his woman to have sex even in the most uncomfortable place.